Chapter 24 - Not Partial, Whole
November, 1984
Today is November 12th.
November 12th is a Monday.
The clock on the dash says it is 10:32 in the morning.
Sephiroth should be at school. This period is history and in his mind, the teacher drawls about the pre-industrial revolution following the 18th century drought. Sephiroth should be in his seat, keeping good notes even though he already knows this. Unlike most of his class, he has done the reading. Joshua behind him is a constant worry. The grinning kid has gotten in the very bad habit of trying to cut his hair. He sells the silver strands for a dollar a piece.
Sephiroth isn't in his chair.
He's not there.
In fact, he's not expected to be there today.
Instead, he's twisted in his seat watching Midgar disappear from the back window. The highway strip keeps disappearing into a small thread connecting his life. Shinra and the buildings shrink. The edges of the plate glimmer. It thrills him to see it shrink. The city seemed huge when they first left it. Now it is tiny. Midgar is the only place he remembers. All the people he knows live there. The smells and the weather and the way to get around the inner circle of the city are in him. The familiarity blankets him.
It also stings. That's where Dinand lives and all the kids that go to his school.
That's why he can't completely hide his smile as Midgar gets smaller and smaller.
"Any guesses on where we are going?" Orlin asks from the driver seat.
"He knows. I told him a couple days ago," Mariella says from the passenger.
"You did what now? Now that is not fair. I worked hard on this surprise."
"You deserve it. He came waltzing in one day asking about my girlfriend. If that doesn't scream Orlin-type trouble, I don't know what does," Mariella leans back in her seat, staring out the window.
Sephiroth tries to fight the smile and manages to get it to flicker. Today is November 12th. It is his first birthday. Well, technically not his first one, but this is the first one that he will remember. The ten before are insignificant.
Orlin and Mariella have both taken vacation time and excused him from school. He's been marking the days since when he was told about the trip. His mind went into overdrive when he found out what they are going to do. The hours until this day became the math that lulled him to sleep.
The rental car grumbles under them. The bags in the back click together as the road grows rougher. Orlin's sword sits across from him in the backseat. Materia winks in the sunlight from the usual slots. Little towns and scraggly trees spot the desert. The music in the car is a bland compromise. Neither adult liked each other's tastes. The first hour was spent arguing about it while careening through Midgar morning traffic.
They don't ask him to make conversation. They bicker. Sephiroth is so used to it he doesn't notice. Carefully he watches the sand turn dirty and stony before it washes away into farms and forest. The green hurts. The density of plants confuses him. The only dense thing he has seen before this is people. The road they drive on stays empty and curves between the idle hills. These aren't Midgar's parks. These are landscapes and creations that nobody made.
The dips of the hills and the fields hypnotize him. Mariella rattles on about the best "trashy TV show". Orlin stutters offended and throws back a different show title. Sephiroth slips down in his seat. The sun soothes him, warming his face and neck.
The car jerks forward into a different gear. Sephiroth wakes up with his heart beating in his chest. Nothing is familiar. He scrambles up scared at the strap pulling tight across his chest. Is it Wutai? Then he remembers and collapses back down in the seat.
Mariella and Orlin have not shut up. They have not found a topic not to argue about. The car is parked. Hinges squeal as doors open. It rocks Sephiroth as he fumbles with the seatbelt.
It's all trees outside the windows. Their final destination is a cabin. It is so small. Only being four car lengths across can't be a good thing. How are they all supposed to fit in it? Nerves jitter. He's forgotten that new things are scary. It smells weird and overwhelming out here. He peeks around as he opens his door, searching for the strangers on the street and the others glowering behind desks.
It's trees and a house with dark windows.
"Well, you know how to pick a place." Mariella pops the trunk behind him.
"Easy enough. I know the kid pretty well."
"Hmm. I think you missed that it wasn't a compliment."
Sephiroth eases out. Gravel rolls funny under his shoes. He takes a step to look behind the house. A thick strip of woods surround both sides. Behind them afternoon light shines through. He walks a few feet away from the car to take a better look. He crunches with every step. The leaves are piles around here. Nobody cleans them up. He wants to sneeze, it smells weird and musty.
The driveway in front of him turns into a smaller dirt path and leads to what is behind the house. A car sized hole where the road leads out shows him what he's been dreaming of. A fenced in meadow rolls out behind the cabin and far in the distance yellow specks dot a hill.
He takes a couple more steps. He can't believe that he is here. It looks like something out of a picture or a movie.
The yellow dots move across the green. He strains to see them but he can't make out the specifics besides tails and heads. He swallows in the air. Purposefully he unballs his fists. How many books has he read that had these creatures? Sure, he had spotted a chocobo in one of the recreational parks but he never dared to get closer than that. He regretted it and told Orlin. That's probably why they are here.
"After you, your royal highness," Orlin says behind him.
"If it wasn't for Sephiroth, I wouldn't be able to stand you."
"I know it. Me too," Orlin says and calls, "Hey kid, what do you think of all of this?"
Sephiroth shrinks as both of the adults look at him. He is trapped. He's supposed to say something here. They are both taking time out of their lives just for him. He doesn't deserve it. Different phrases come together in his head but none of them seem right. None of them has enough substance for what is happening. He doesn't want to ruin this for them. The time drags out longer than a pause should and they are still watching him. He spits something out.
"…yeah. It's nice."
Gods. Could he sound more dumb? Still, Mariella's smile grows and Orlin nods like he understands.
"Future SOLDIER, help me with the bags," he says. Sephiroth jogs back in relief.
The cabin is small but everything is decorated. It takes a moment to get used to. The inside is all wood, motivational sayings, chocobos and claustrophobic. It smells woody too. No matter how stuffed it feels, the living room looks out over the paddock and that's what matters. Plus the worn out couches are comfortable.
Orlin sends him upstairs to pick a bedroom and he takes the first one he sees. The room is mostly bed but it is foreign. Funny frilly blinds cover the view of the hills. The duffel bag looks out of place on the quilt. He touches the fabric, trying to orient himself here. This is a place that he has never been in and he will sleep here tonight, a novel concept.
The groceries that they brought with them clatter on the countertop downstairs.
"How many beds?" Mariella asks.
"Oh shit. I forgot. Only two. I guess one for the kid and one of us."
"You are sleeping on the couch."
"Come on. Do you think I would hit on you? I have honor and all that shit."
"Couch, SOLDIER and no discussion. Gods, I should have known how much you would screw this up."
Sephiroth's mouth jerks into a smile and Orlin's laughter is not far behind. Sephiroth tries the lamp and the yellow light makes the dark room seem friendlier. It is stuffy in here but it is fading. He turns to the closed curtains as they continue the conversation downstairs.
"Four beds actually, two on each floor. In case the queen doesn't like to sleep on the same floor as the rest of us. I know that promotion has gone to your head."
"Hardly. Don't put the milk on the door. We aren't savages here."
The curtains push back. The hills go out even further from this height. The birds wander across them, working the grass and fussing with each other. He must be in a dream. Nothing this nice has ever happened to him. The thought settles into his chest and stays there warm.
"How does it feel to be head of the department that injects the planet in willing victims?"
"…it pays nice."
"And?"
"That's about all I like."
He pads down the hall, looking at a similar bedroom and spends too many minutes staring at the bathroom. It appears to have a sign with the words: "Hope everything comes out okay" in cursive. This place is bizarre. They could learn something from the lack of decoration in R&D.
Orlin sweeps them into the car soon after and they go where he's been dreaming: Goldwing Stables - Breeding & Training.
The complex is big. The red barns are pulled out of books and training arenas surround them. Chocobos work and trot around with people on them in the outside arenas. It takes effort worthy of Dinand's praise to not run to look at them right then and there. He stays by their side. The smell of dry feathers and hay outweigh the dung barely.
Mariella guides him away from Orlin as he goes to some of the waiting employees. Orlin seems to be on his own personal mission to slap the back of every person that he can see. They laugh in response. The casualness keeps his attention as they walk away.
Sephiroth can't take in enough as she guides him down a dirt path parallel to the main barn.
"He used to live around here when he was young," she says as they walk parallel to the main barn. "Let's go see the chocobos."
"Have you been here before?" Sephiroth asks as she walks with a purpose. Even some of the usual strain has melted off her face too.
"A couple weekends ago. Orlin doesn't always have the best of taste and T-" Mariella's face crunches for a second and then eases. "Thea wanted some alone time together. No work allowed. She's strict that I take time off."
Thea.
"Cool."
She pauses and sinks her hands in her pockets before saying anything more. Sephiroth fights to fill the space with all the questions that he wants to ask. He doesn't because if she doesn't want to tell him then he shouldn't ask. The students at school grill him over and over on his hair and appearance, not believing his answers. He knows invasive questions. The chocobos chirp and whistle in every direction.
They grind the gravel under their shoes. The sun is warm on his back but not hot. Everyone has been saying that it is warmer than usual. Sephiroth has had to just take their word for it. Mariella's shoulders fall as the topic passes.
Her hands come out of her pockets. "Is this a good birthday for you? Getting out of the city?"
The paddock in front of them is the one that backs onto their cabin but he can hardly spot the porch through the trees. The hill covers the horizon before the fence does.
"I think so. I feel like…this…all reminds me of something."
It is true. The space and the air. It all seems reminiscent of the shadows that have been growing more and more irrelevant in the back of his mind. That wouldn't make any sense. Everyone had told him that his life was scattered around the planet with Mariella until they settled in Midgar.
Still, it is like home out here.
Whatever that is supposed to feel like.
"Sure. Of course."
They make it up to the fence. The animals are still far away but now he can tell that they aren't all yellow. A rainbow of pale colors that don't stand out from the green and brown grass dot the field. He leans against the top slat to stare. The breeze brushes nice against his skin. It steals away the pressure and stress in him.
He crosses his arms on the fence and closes his eyes, trying to memorize every strand of grass. This place settles content in him. An arm wraps around his shoulder and Mariella drags herself close without words.
He enjoys it, listening to the birds chattering and the wind singing in the trees.
It feels good to be like this.
He doesn't think about it. He leans into the hug, still keeping his eyes closed. Her fingers wrap tighter and Mariella's head rests on his.
It only lasts a couple seconds. Combat boots flatten the gravel far behind them.
"Stop, you're embarrassing me."
"Alright, alright."
They stand apart but the feeling of Mariella's arm doesn't leave him.
They end up taking a trail around in the forest in the late afternoon. Sephiroth is terrified as Orlin leads him around on a chocobo. It's even worse when he is forced to ride alone. The bird is calm and takes his direction well. Eventually Sephiroth's heart stops hurting from beating so hard and Orlin deems them "an adventurous pair".
Orlin and Mariella on their own chocobos sears some part of his brain that will never go away. The trail is easy and is more about the sights than the challenge. By then, Sephiroth is out of his mind with excitement. It's heady in him. The novelty of nature hasn't worn off on him. The trees are so thick and old. They pass lakes and the mountains and they are so strange and wonderful. Midgar's splendor is paper thin compared to what this forest has to offer.
Then he has to come back to the feeling of the bird breathing under him.
It's almost too much.
Orlin leads the trip and Mariella doesn't boss him around. When the red barns and the paddocks come back into sight, Sephiroth twists inside. He doesn't want to leave. Still, they follow the beaten dirt and hand the chocobos back to the staff that is waiting for them. He'll remember his bird. He'll be back here to ride him again, he promises as he squeezes chocobo's neck one more time.
The car trip back is a contented quiet. Sephiroth is loose and sleepy in the back seat.
Eventually they all settle outside in the dusk. Orlin built a stick house in the middle of the fire pit near Sephiroth. Mariella yawns and supervises. Large logs and rocks have been dragged around the pit to sit on. They are smooth and tired looking but it takes his weight. Sephiroth watches the sun sink out of sight. He blinks slowly. He's dragged backward. He remembers things he doesn't remember. It's all fragments but they aren't bad.
His eyes trace the chocobos wandering back towards the barn in the distance.
Could he have been happy like this once before?
"Ready for your birthday present?" Orlin sits back on his haunches.
That draws him back from his watching. "Sure."
Orlin doesn't bother to fully get up. He shuffles over in his squat and digs in his back pocket. Sephiroth leans forward. He tries to pretend to be only interested as Orlin brings out a closed fist from his pocket. It is a small thing. A new toy to join his other SOLDIER? Some coins for books? Candy?
"Happy birthday," Mariella says from behind Orlin, "from both of us."
The large hand opens to show a red sphere. The glassy outside hides the whirl of mist inside. It glows in dusk lighting up Orlin's palm.
"No way." Sephiroth doesn't realize he is on his feet until he almost falls forward. His eyes hurt as he stares intensely at the materia.
Orlin snorts. "'Way' kid."
"Really?" Sephiroth looks at Mariella who can't seem to help the grin that is across her face.
"It's time."
The fire materia rolls into his hand. It is warm to the touch. He brings it up to study the milky inside. He's been dreaming about magic for as long as he has seen Orlin use it.
"Saturday mornings, I'll train you on it," Orlin says as he gets up, moving to stand next to Sephiroth. "Mariella finally bullied me into joining all of this. You're a good kid."
Sephiroth's mind struggles. It actually breaks trying to comprehend all of this. First, he gets his first ever piece of materia. Now he learns that he gets to spend even more time with Orlin? Sephiroth takes a step back. He feels hot and cold. Sounds come out of his mouth but nothing concrete. The orb rolls around in his palm. He blinks a lot. Carefully, he picks up the materia with his fingers. It's really there.
He will know how to use this. He's one step closer to being a real SOLDIER.
"Do you want to light this fire with me?" Orlin asks.
"I can?" Sephiroth knows every inch of shock is on his face as he looks up at him. He can't hide it anymore. He's too overwhelmed.
Orlin's smile gets warmer somehow. "We can do it together. You aren't liable to combust on your own."
It takes a moment for Sephiroth to calm down enough to listen to instructions. The materia goes in the hollow of his upturned hand and Orlin clasps over it. His rough palm swallows Sephiroth's with the orb trapped in between. His fingers actually meet his palm on the other side. Orlin gives it a squeeze. Sephiroth glances at the stick pile and him.
"You ready?" He asks.
"Yeah." Every part of him is stiff and excited. He is locked in place. Something is going to happen.
He feels the older man settle next to him. It is about focusing your energy, he had said, think about sending energy into the materia.
Sephiroth fixates on sticks. He can't miss a thing. Part of him shakes. His first spell, a fire spell at that. He thinks about the materia. He tries to gather up the nervousness inside him and throw it at the orb. The materia flashes warm in their hands and Sephiroth blinks as a cheery fire springs up. It worked. That fire is there because of them. Mariella starts clapping first and then Orlin steps away and joins her. They're cheering at him. His first magic casting is done.
The materia continues to warm his hand as he clutches it.
Sephiroth's face reddens and he struggles to keep the emotion from flooding his eyes. All of this is happening because of him. That thought alone has quivered in him all day and is now singing. He's thankful for everything that has been done for him but never does his lifestyle recognize who he is.
Dinand doesn't care if he's tired or sore. His teachers drone and drown him without acknowledging that he exists. In the labs, his blood and experiments are written down with minimal questions about how he is doing. He's been beaten down into statistics and products.
Mariella is still clapping at him. Orlin shakes his shoulder and yells at him to wake up.
Sephiroth swallows heavily and blinks. Tears roll down his cheeks.
Here, at this moment where the two people he trusts surround him, here, he feels wholly a person.
This chapter gives me so many feelings. I...just love some moments in this chapter so much but I don't want to ruin it with my own thoughts.
What do you think?
Thank you for reading as always -Quin