he most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul.
-David McKay
Warning: may be emotionally triggering for some readers, this chapter contains the death of a child.
Dave looked down at his feet, he knew where he was by the shine on his shoes, patent leather was reserved for weddings and funerals. "So, who is getting married?"
Sunlight streamed through the stained glass window, casting a glow on the empty altar. A soft voice drew his attention. "You killed my mom."
"Cassie?" Dave turned around to face the seventeen year old. She was staring at her shoes, power shoes Erin called them.
"You were supposed to protect her!" Dave he came face-to-face with Erin's son Paul. He was fifteen and his hands shook in anger.
"We trusted you!" Thirteen year old Allison's voice rang out the loudest, "Go on, see for yourself!"
"What are you talking about?" Dave asked.
A white and silver casket appeared on the altar, and Dave stood in front of it. Hands on his back shoved him closer until he was staring inside it, he slammed his eyes closed. He did not need to see this.
"Open your eyes! See what you've done, look at the damage you've caused! Look at the lives you've ruined!"
"Carolyn?"
Cold hands forced his eyes open, "Look!" She screamed, "You did this! See what you've done!"
He looked down into the silk-lined casket at the lifeless body of his newborn son, his eyes were closed, he was so small. But still so peaceful. "James."
A bundle of blankets appeared next to James, the bundle whimpered and kicked to get out of it's bindings. Dave reached forward, letting his hand linger on the warmth of the baby. "Why is there a baby in the coffin?" He reached in and cradled the child against him, "He's mine, David." Erin said softly.
Dave's empty hands dropped to his side. He looked up, at Erin's ghostly form cradling the baby against her shoulder. "You let me go, why didn't you fight for us?"
"I'm trying!"
Carolyn shook her head, "Not hard enough I'm afraid. You're destined to live alone, how many more lives have to be lost before you figure that out?"
Fear raced through him as Carolyn and Erin advanced on him, with fire in their eyes. "You betrayed us! That's two families you've ruined!"
Dave lurched from the bed the T-shirt clinging to his body was soaked in cold sweat. "No. No, not again," he muttered, dragging one hand across his face. Throwing back the blankets, he rushed to get dressed.
"I thought we agreed, twelve hours." Hotch said, sitting up.
"How long's it been?" Dave asked, pulling on his shoes.
"Four, maybe five."
Dave and stood up, a look of determination on his face, "Fire me later."
The door of the hotel room slammed and Hotch shook his head throwing back the covers of his own bed he prepared to face the day.
With the remains of his nightmare still hovering in the corners of his mind, Dave approached the nurses station. He needed to see her come Hell or high water he was going to fight for Erin he was going to show her that she was worth fighting for. He was directed to a dimly lit room his eyes trained on the woman on the bed. Erin's ash blond hair sprawled out against the pillow was the only color that wasn't hospital issued. Her eyes were closed and her skin had a grayish tint. The methodical rise and fall of her chest unnerved him. And the sounds of the machines around him were enough to drive a man insane. He vowed right then that he never wanted to be put on complete life support. He never wanted anyone else to have to listen to the sounds of machines keeping him alive.
"The doctor will be in later to check on her, talk to her, it helps" the nurse said, as the door closed behind him.
Dave closed his eyes, listening to the steady pulse of the heart monitor. The routine whoosh of the ventilator forcing oxygen through her body; he gripped her cold hand in his and guilty tears flooded his eyes. If he had gone with her back to the hotel, none of this would have happened. He lifted her hand off the bed and held the palm to his lips, tears clogged his voice,
"Wake up, Erin, I need you to wake up. I need to hear you bitch me out, please, yell at me blame me. I don't care I just need to hear your voice. It's my fault, and if you blame me, I understand, but, the kids and that baby - the baby we made, that should be enough to make you fight. Fight for them," Dave begged. "I need to see your eyes when I tell you 'I love you'
'What's happening?' Erin wondered, David's voice floated around her. Her thoughts felt thick and cloudy; she knew the feeling of David's hand on hers. Soft but calloused on the backs of his fingers, from gripping his pen too tight on paperwork days. Why was he holding her hand? Nothing was making any sense; her tongue was heavy, her lips were cracked. She couldn't make her voice work. When she tried to move her hand, nothing happened.
He waited and for a split second he thought he saw her eyes move beneath their lids; his spine tightened in anticipation. "Come on Erin." He shook his head and kissed her hand. "Yup. That sounds about right. I come to you in tears confessing my undying love and get no reaction whatsoever. If it's romance you want, I think that's as romantic as you're gonna get." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back later, think about it."
He left the room and leaned his head against the wall in the hallway, what did he expect? A miraculous fairytale recovery?
'Think about what?' She heard the door close behind him, what was she supposed to be thinking about? She sifted through her memories. 'Did he say something? Did he offer a deal? What was it!' Everything was so heavy, and she was too exhausted to think.
'Dammit Dave, get back here and catch me up!'
Dave wandered down the hall towards the gift shop, he needed something to do; the sounds of the machines that kept Erin alive, echoed in his mind. Walking inside the store, he stopped in his tracks rows and rows of porcelain and glass angels stared back at him. He lifted one off its perch and walked towards the counter. When his phone rang from his pocket. "J.J?"
"Rossi, I have no idea how it got out," she panicked. "Reporters are camped outside the hospital."
"What got out? How much do they know?" He was confused by her statement.
"Dave, they know everything. I tried to hold them off until you had time to make notifications. There was a leak and they're determined to get their story."
"Vultures!" He spat. He could hear the crowd of reporters in the background, each one clamoring to get the best spot.
"I know. It's organized chaos out here you should call someone or they'll find out with the rest of the world."
"Do you think you can buy some time?" He was reaching for anything that could resemble a life-line at this point.
"I can try, but you should hurry. I've organized a press conference for this afternoon; news crews are already lined down the street. I don't get it; Hotch said the Director was keeping this contained!" She shouted over the noise.
Dave let out a breath, "Who knows? Where there's a will, there's a way. Thanks, J.J. Don't let them eat you alive."
He ended the call and dialed another number, hoping against hope that his memory served correctly, someone answered on the second ring.
"Vera, it's David; something's happened to Erin."