DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking (or flashbacks, etc.)

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

A/N: A transitional chapter.

Shikaku watched as his son trained after school. His son, the heir of his great clan, was one weird Nara. The fact that he was training after his post-Academy nap was proof of that!

The kid had been weird for years now, but he couldn't be more proud of him. Shikamaru had apparently inherited some of his mother's energy, but thankfully very little of her temper - although that temper was there, deep inside the boy. His boy was smart, tactical, and generally quiet, befitting a Nara greatly. He knew that he had done the right thing in training his kid the way Shikamaru had always asked him to after seeing what Minato's girl could do. Although it was exhausting. What a drag…

"Why is my shadow stronger when I'm… angry?" Shikamaru asked.

"You've noticed that already, hmm?" Shikaku began. "I haven't seen you attempt the jutsu when you're not calm. What happened?"

Shikamaru let out a huff. "Ino - Ino-chan went after Naruto-chan again, and I… subdued her." He didn't appreciate the way his father snorted at something that was really bothering him. Ino hadn't been able to move at all, and he'd held her in place for more than a few minutes until he thought she had calmed down. Kami, she was mad!

"Considering her father isn't over here harassing me yet, I take it this happened this afternoon?" Shikaku glanced behind him as if expecting Inoichi to show up any moment.

"Yeah," Shikamaru grunted. He tried to grab a buck with his shadow and his father bonked him on the head. "Oww!"

"What happened today?" Shikaku asked, not knowing if he really wanted to know. Troublesome.

"Well first off, I don't know where Naru-chan lives, but she henges as a man until she gets inside the Academy. Every day. Then there's Ino, who's being a total idiot about 'Sasuke-kun.'" his son answered while doing a fairly accurate imitation of Ino-chan's voice when she gets dreamy about her crush. "Sasuke sits with us at lunch, and Naru's usually the only girl there…"

"So which girl do you have a crush on, my boy? Is it our little Ino or your 'Naru-chan?'" his father had the nerve to ask. Shikamaru scowled at him, which just made his father chuckle more. "Let your old man give you some advice in the love department, ne?"

"No thanks." The jerk. This was serious! Plus there was the fact that his father was totally whipped by his way-too-feisty mother, and from what he'd heard, had been following her around since they were kids. That was kind of gross, really. "Why does Naru-ch… Naruto-chan," he rephrased after seeing his father's smirk growing, do that, though? Is it really that dangerous for her? Isn't anyone looking after her? She…"

"Shikamaru," his father warned.

"It's illogical, you know, forcing her to be alone and probably unhappy," Shikamaru continued. "And please, I know that chakra cannot be killed: it is energy, so it has to be either converted or…"

"That's enough," Shikaku said firmly, fearing just how intelligent his child was. "What you're speaking of is treasonous, son."

"How?! Seriously! The KIDS call her things like demon, monster, and fox-girl! Everybody fucking knows!" Shikamaru actually caught another buck in his shadows, he was so angry. He heard his father breathe in a heavy sigh as the older man plopped down onto the ground. Shikamaru's shadow came back to him and he felt exhaustion creep over him.

"Watch your language, son." Changing the subject back to what his son began to speak of seemed like a good idea, although it was early for this conversation. Usually, Naras waited until their children were at least 10 or Genin, for those choosing to enter careers as shinobi, before they explained exactly what lurked in their forest. "Tora there allowed you to capture him in your shadow possession jutsu, Shika-chan. He sensed the darkness in your thoughts."

Shikamaru just stared at his father, wondering what "darkness" he was talking about. "How can being concerned with someone's welfare be dark?" he asked reasonably with a glare as he laid back to watch the clouds.

"Hmm. That's one way of looking at it. But there's a reason that we Nara have learned to be what the villagers like to call 'emotionless dicks.'" Shikamaru snorted at that. The last thing Naras were was emotionless: that term better described the Uchiha - although Shikamaru knew from watching Naruto in his past life that supposedly the Uchiha "loved too much." He sure as hell never saw that, though, here in the real world of it.

"The shadows live in our forest, Shikamaru. They live and offer their service to those of us whom they choose: that's why many Nara are in the private sector - or work in intelligence or with the medical division, even though they're not shinobi. The majority of Nara cannot 'use' the shadows as effectively or easily as you and I can. Your cousin, Ken, trains you in shuriken and kunai because he's an expert marksman, and very creative in using them in the field. Although he has a great amount of Yin chakra, the shadows did not see him as worthy of them." He paused for a few seconds "Shame."

Shikamaru continued to lay on the ground and finally closed his mouth, feeling a little… creeped-out? Ninja-shit was really weird, and if this had been something he had to deal with in his first life, he would've been high-tailing it out of the forest, pronto.

"The shadows are our saviors and our curse. They give and they take." Shikaku paused for a few minutes, allowing his son to absorb this fact. "Does that make you afraid of them?" He sincerely hoped not but predicted Shikamaru's answer.

The seven-year-old thought about it before answering his father, not even realizing he had his hands positioned just like his namesake had in the Naruto series when he was considering something vital. "No, I'm not afraid. I'm… surprised, but also aggravated that I hadn't noticed earlier."

"Aa! So even with all that extra training you do, which is troublesome, you are a Nara after all."

"Shut up," Shikamaru said in a sulky tone, making his father laugh.

"C'mon son. I think that's enough physical crap for today..."

"Lazy," Shikamaru admonished sourly.

"You're goddamn right I'll be lazy now, you little punk. Damned commander duties... troublesome Chunins... fucking pervert refusing to..." Shikaku went on and on, muttering things that his son tried to hear and understand, as they walked past their home and to the Nara Clan Library. Shikaku always turned his son loose in their library, which was a maze of information and calculated disinformation, not knowing that Shikamaru was determined to find information on the Uzumaki Clan, something Naruto had been told didn't exist just this morning by Iruka-sensei.

"He told you WHAT?!" Ichika yelled.

Ru rubbed the back of her neck and chuckled nervously. Why did she ever begin conversations with her great-great-aunt when the elderly lady was trying to cook? Once again, she moved around the old lady picking up pieces of pork this time - from the CLEAN floor. One that I've gotta mop every day in case she comes over, Naru thought as she pouted about it. "Well, we were talkin' about clans and stuff: mostly the Uchiha and Senju, but that jackass Mizuki-sensei was listing all of the clans, small or large, that had ever existed in Konoha, and he didn't mention us. Well, me - since you're a Senju, too."

"Shut it you brat! You're more Senju than I am! I just married that idiot! I'm an Uzumaki, through and through!"

"ANYWAY," Naru interrupted the old woman as she put the pieces of pork back in the wok the elder was using, "I wasn't going to allow that... exclusion after everything you've told me, so I spoke up to mention our clan." Her lips curled to the side before saying in a lower voice, "Not that they called on me when I raised my hand - or didn't react like I was a dunce or something when I mentioned us..." She jumped as her aunt threw a butcher knife at the wall, hitting a picture of Iruka-sensei dead on.

Naru didn't remember seeing her aunt the day she remembered that picture being taken and then "mysteriously" hanging up on her wall, but you could hardly make out who the focus of the photo was anymore. The photo of that bastard, Mizuki, was riddled with even more little cuts and sat on the wall right next to Iruka-sensei's picture. Naru had taken them down once but put them right back up so she wouldn't have to deal with all the holes in the wall behind them. She pulled out the butcher knife and handed it back to her aunt who was once again muttering and swearing about cutting both senseis into pieces. "Please don't do that. They'll only blame me, ya know."

"Hmph. Ah, look at yourself! You dropped your henge again!" Ichika scolded.

"Ugh! It gets tiring to keep this up, ya know?" She henged back into what she supposed she could look like in the future. It was a combination of Naruto and Rachel and looked okay, she guessed. Ichika wasn't entirely happy with it, but Naru was not going to enhance her henge's bust and ass the way her aunt wanted her to. Why would she even want that?! "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Liar," Ru said, pushing her aunt away from the stove and into a plushy, rather regal-looking chair she'd "procured" from the whorehouse next door. People were actually pretty nice over there. The workers anyway: Naru wouldn't go over there when more business was in session at night. "When was the last time you were seen by a doctor?" She moved the stepstool over to the stove and began to shuffle everything in the wok.

"Listen to your elders, Naru. I said I'm fine! And I'm a doctor, child."

"Yeah, well it's stupid for a doctor to be diagnosing and working on herself! Isn't there some kind of moral code or something about physicians not treating those close to them? Well, you're closer to yourself than you would be to some relative! And lawyers! 'A lawyer that represents himself is a fool,'" Naru said as she nodded at her own words, stirring the pork fried rice.

"I don't think that's how the saying goes, Naruto," Ichika said as she tried to get comfortable. "I'm old, kid: probably the oldest person still moving in this village."

"That doesn't mean it's okay for you to feel bad! I - umm - I need you, ya know?!" Naru said bravely as she looked her great aunt in the eye. She thought she saw the old lady's eyes get glassy before she blinked whatever emotion she began to show away.

"Such a brat," Ichika groaned, regarding Naruto's adorableness. "Mito's granddaughter, Tsunade, is the only person who could help me, kiddo: the only medic-nin better than me - even with my shitty chakra. As far as diagnosing, I'm great, anyway. Let me be old, Naruto!"

"No, I don't think so," Naruto said firmly as she plated up the meal. She handed Ichika chopsticks and the rice, then sat down on the counter to eat.

"We need to get you more furniture, Naru-chan."

"Maybe, but what I really need to get is Tsunade," Naruto said seriously. She wondered how she could successfully sneak out of the village and find her punk-ass, loser alcoholic distant cousin or aunt or whatever Tsunade was to her. "Hey, you said my chakra's really easy to detect, right? Is there a way to hide it? Like, hide my chakra - but I'd still be able to use it?"

"Of course. Anything's possible with seals, dear girl," Ichika said, hoping that this wouldn't be a mistake. Really, it was a great idea to put a seal like that on Naruto so that she wouldn't continue to be targeted by idiotic shinobi while even henged. It bothered Ichika, however, that Naruto brought this idea up when speaking about her illness and finding her grand-niece. Oh well, what the hell... Hiruzen-kun could get screwed, and she wanted to teach Naruto all that she knew about fuuinjutsu, anyway. "We can work on it tonight."

"Yes!"

Shisui wouldn't have fully believed the insane "anime" in Shikamaru-chan's memories if he hadn't just got out of a clan meeting that was absolutely awful. The Elders were once again bickering with Fugaku-sama, and Shisui was aware of why his uncle put up with their disrespect but knew it was only going to lead to chaos. Many of the older members of the Uchiha clan had fought with or remembered the current Clan Elders, and had great respect for them.

The Uchiha also had the fewest losses of any clan during the Kyuubi attack, and rather than attribute their survival to Fugaku, word had spread among the Uchiha that Fugaku had actually wanted them to fight the Kyuubi. The Elders and gods knew who else - probably Danzo - spread the word throughout their community that Fugaku's leadership could have gotten them killed if it weren't for Danzo-sama's orders for the Uchiha to lead the villagers to safety, rather than fight.

That directive had only made the non-Uchiha in the village more suspicious of them. It didn't help that anyone watching the Kyuubi would have seen the Sharingan appear in the bijuu's eyes... And Shisui knew why now, thanks to Shikamaru-chan. Uchiha Obito had somehow survived and lived to kill his sensei and sensei's wife, leaving Uzumaki Naruto an orphaned jinchuuriki. A girl that Obito and his organization will soon be hunting...

The fact that she was female rather than male had given Shisui some hope, at first, that there were other things that the anime and manga got wrong. On the other hand, so much was spot on regarding what he'd seen... His clan's Sharingan, their "Curse of Hatred," which was something his father and grandfather had spoken about so often, and Hatake-senpai's total weirdness. Lots of things.

It was nearly impossible to believe his second cousin would do such a thing. He barely remembered Obito but had previously thought of him as a fun older-brother type. Now, he just found him disgusting, no matter how that anime tried to "humanize" him. The whole thing was unbelievable, but Shisui had checked the records and found that the only Uchiha that perished in the Third Shinobi War who had not been either brought home or incinerated was Obito.

It was a horrible thought... thinking of his cousin being broken in half, blind, and abandoned by his team of legends. Shisui also couldn't imagine how he could have survived, really. This was the real world, not some animated fiction, and mending half a body - organs, bones, muscles, etc. - how was that possible?! He didn't believe that even Tsunade-hime could manage such a thing.

Thinking of Madara, he shivered.

"Are you alright," his cousin asked, appearing in a murder of crows by the Naka River.

The one I'm supposed to kill myself in... He'd been avoiding this cliff, like crazy, but it was the best place to make plans with Itachi, the only person he fully trusted in all of this.

"That meeting was a mess, Itachi," Shisui whispered as if panicking. "And I'm not sure what to do. Does Danzo already know about what my eyes can do? Should I try to use them on HIM now? He's always surrounded by those emotionless bastards of his, though. I'm not sure if the Kotoamatsukami works on a group of people." He ignored Itachi's repeated quiet calls to him: Itachi bugged him like that a lot, not that he minded much. "I could try it on you and Sasuke, eh? Have Sasuke-chan hate tomatoes, and make you fangirl someone. Hmmm."

"Should you do that, I will genjutsu you to hell, cousin," Itachi said seriously. "Then I will light you on fire."

"Bah! You're no fun. It's still a good idea, though! Who can we get? Ooo! How about that little girl that bothers Sasuke-chan all the time?"

Itachi glanced at the river and stifled a yawn before responding: their clan meeting had been exhausting. "Which one? The only girl who doesn't fawn over my foolish little brother is Uzumaki-san."

"That's it! It's perfect! I'll use my," Shisui began, wiggling his fingers over his eyebrows like he was weaving a spell, "magical eye prowess to tame those fangirling little beasts!" He chuckled before he became serious, tapping his finger to his chin. "It will tell us if the Kotoamatsukami can work on a group of people. And Sasuke will be happy, right?"

"Hn. If it works, you will then use it on my... admirers."

"Oh hell no. You know as well as I do that we shouldn't overuse the Mangekyo, idiot, and I already have to some extent by going back again and again to get Nara-chan's memories of that weird show."

"Hn." Both of them knew that this wouldn't be the last time Itachi requested Shisui's help with his fangirls, though. Most recently, the cousins had tried to start a rumor that they were in a monogamous relationship, but everyone just laughed at the rumor. Shisui's constant flirting - for years - with the female population (of any age) had ruined what could have been a wonderful invention.

"Even if... even if they don't get us, they'll get another Uchiha for his eyes. Kami! I wonder if I already has a bank of available Sharingan. I can't believe what all the old folks in the district are always harping about might be true. Or will be if we don't do something..." Shisui yanked at his hair in frustration as he pulled it through his wavy locks.

Knowing that his cousin was speaking of Madara - and wasn't that a trip - Itachi agreed. "Hn. Everything we've learned involves Sasuke and Uzumaki-san. I feel I must... temper my foolish little brother - and Uzumaki-san..."

"Yeeeeeeees?" Shisui drawled after a few moments of silence, wondering if his cousin was thinking the same thing he was. He just wanted Itachi to say it first.

"She is alone and living in a run-down apartment that lacks proper security in the Red Light District. I have occasionally witnessed an elderly woman there, but she is frail and cannot possibly train Uzumaki-san to survive all that it seems she will endure. Even if what we've witnessed in this," Itachi paused and considered what to call what Shisui had shared from the young Nara's mind, "this animated version of our lives is false, Uzumaki-san is treated unfairly in the village, and I have little doubt that the girl will be used by the village, as all jinchuuriki are."

"Yes! Oh, you're so impassioned over that little blonde, Itachi-kun! I don't think I've ever heard you use so many words at one time!" Shisui laughed as he sunshinned out of the way of Itachi's fireball. He appeared behind his cousin with a kunai at his neck and continued to tease him. "She's going to grow up to be quite the looker, but she's a little young now, ne?"

"Hn. I concede," Itachi said without emotion or addressing his ridiculous claims about pursuing the Uzumaki, as Shisui put his kunai away.

"So which one of us will train her?" Shisui asked before looking around, then stretching his senses to make sure that they were really alone. "And how do we do it without the Hokage or Danzo knowing?"

One month later...

Naru had a less shitty day at the Academy and was surprised at a few things that happened.

First of all, the other girls in the class had been rather quiet and subdued. Naruto hadn't given it much thought, as she was just enjoying the quiet for a change, but Hinata had mentioned it and Naru realized that she was right. Every single one of the girls was taking notes, and no one screamed out like hormonal banshees when Sasuke had gotten up to fight in taijutsu practice.

The look on his face was priceless! Seeing Sasuke look back at the crowd of students who just watched his match with Shikamaru in relative silence led him to be punched in the jaw, making the young Uchiha fall out of bounds. Shikamaru looked so proud of himself, and the spar's attentive audience simply applauded the match in general appreciation. The dog boy and Choji had hollered for Shikamaru's win, but the girls in their class didn't seem to prefer one boy winning over the other. Sasuke looked horrified and bewildered for the rest of the day.

Mizuki-sensei, of course, forced Naru to fight him rather than another student, and once again knocked her out of the sparring circle painfully. She did manage to get a few hits on the Chunin, though, so Naru took that as a win. Although it was a loss, she thought to herself angrily. I so want to pound that guy!

Then there were the weird Uchiha brothers... Sasuke's older brothers - that's what she assumed they were anyway - came to pick him up from the Academy as they often did, but tripped her as she tried to get away ASAP so that she could henge and make her way back to her lonely apartment.

Ichika only comes by on a monthly basis nowadays. Ru wasn't sure where Lady Ichika lived the rest of the time but knew that wherever it was - probably at the Senju Clan Compound, which she assumed must exist - probably allowed her to live on the ground floor.

Back to the weird brothers...

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Uzumaki-san," the tallest one said insincerely.

"Can the act, Raven," Naru replied while getting up and dusting herself off. She felt absolutely delighted in seeing the oldest Uchiha's expression as he looked around, turning in a wide circle to see if anyone had heard her. Yes, she knew that ANBU were supposed to be unknown, but she knew all of the ANBU that she lived with... before. She felt her heart clench: she really missed them all so much.

This guy though? She had only met him once, and that was when she realized that she was Naruto - as in THAT Naruto...

"You - how did you know?! Are you a sensor?" the unknown Uchiha whispered so loud that it made Naru look around to see if anyone was watching. That's when she realized it: there was chakra - meaning, there was a genjutsu around her. Not liking that or trusting him, she punched the unknown Uchiha who presumably had her in a genjutsu in the most... easily accessible area that would make a difference and ran. She only remembered to henge halfway through her trek to her apartment, and she was scared shitless. Oh, she was so going to use all that Home Alone shit she remembered to trap her flat!

"Are you alright, Shisui?" Itachi asked, moving his genjutsu to hide his cousin who was kneeling on the ground, holding his family jewels. He poked Sasuke in the forehead and asked him to be quiet for him. "Fox got your tongue?"

"Sh - Shut up, you!" Shisui barked while continuing to groan.

"Are you following Ru-chan?" Sasuke asked innocently. He was mentally exhausted from trying to figure out what his fangirls must be planning against him next.

"Of course not, Sasu-chan!" Shisui tried to say brightly as the pain began to fade. "I simply - urgh - needed to convey my apologies for knocking her down."

"Hn." Itachi helped Shisui up and they began walking back to the Uchiha compound.

I know where she lives, Itachi signed to his cousin. "Sasuke, I need to speak with Shisui." Smiling gently as his brother looked up at him, pouting, he poked him in the forehead again - something he knew Sasuke hated. "Shinobi business, Sasuke." The two older cousins watched as little Sasuke entered the main gate, offering a wave to the Uchiha guards. Itachi turned toward Shisui. "She may be afraid of you now. Perhaps I should go."

"Oh, whatever," Shisui grumbled. "It's gotta be today! The Hokage and you know who are both at the capital, and ROOT's well..." Shisui's face was pained - as if what he said was physically painful for him.

"You didn't join?! After all this?!" Itachi said in alarm.

"I had no choice. I'm still a regular ANBU like you, though, so I have some flexibility."

"Hn."

"Don't 'hn' me you little nnrgh!" Itachi simply tossing his hair back a bit didn't help Shisui's mood any. "Fine. You can go, or we both can."

Itachi turned around and began walking toward the Red Light District, so Shisui quickly followed him, limping slightly. Thirty minutes later they arrived at the decrepit building, both henged and covered in a genjutsu for added security measures.

Omake - or is it?

Naruto sat on her disgusting couch, panting. She absently juggled the shuriken and kunai she had in her hands, waiting to see if she would soon have intruders. Uchiha intruders... ANBU-level intruders...

Heat seals on the doorknobs and patio and window handles? Check
Pachinko marbles scattered on the landings? Check
Seals in place to freeze the water she'd thrown down the lower level stairs? Check - hopefully they would freeze in time
Weight seal on kunai hanging over the front door, and iron plugged in, ready to fall over the patio? Check
Broken glass and silverware on the now nearly-frozen floor where someone might get in? Check
Lantern hanging in front of the front door, ready to smash someone in the head: rigged? Check
A full can of paint rigged should they actually get through all this? Check

Gah! If only she knew how to do a fire jutsu and had time to pound really long nails through the steps, Kevin McCallister would be so very proud of her!