I awoke to the sensation of rocks scraping my back, my hair practically being pulled out by the roots. As my body bumped along the dirt in some insect infested jungle, my cut and scratched skin bled through the shredded rag that had once been my shirt. Soil entered my wounds like burning salt. In my groggy, half conscious state, I wondered if something like this had killed the "Doctor", but then remembered his clothing had been left intact.
My captor wore an outfit that looked like a rug from a hunting lodge. Out of the corners of my bleary eyes I glimpsed narrow limbs with deeply tanned skin, lean, slender legs.
The individual lost their grip. Rough hands grabbed hold of my shirt and belt, dragging me through a thicket.
I thought I saw a figure in a gray suit bearing a glowing orb off in the woods, but assumed it due to a concussion.
I faded out of consciousness.
I snapped awake when I felt someone undoing my belt and playing with my pants.
The first thing my eyes beheld: A female face with a mess of tangled matted hair and crooked teeth. I screamed.
My scream caused her to scream, and we screamed at each other until she scuttled ass backwards on the sandy beach I laid upon.
I winced. Someone, presumably the woman, had cleaned out my cuts and filled them with a slimy glop that tingled and burned in the wounds.
We stared at each other in silence, her in her brown rug, me with no shirt, my fly hanging wide open.
I zipped up, which caused her to jump back.
When I made no threatening moves, she started crawling up to me on all fours, slowly, but with a determined boldness that indicated a lack of fear. Her breasts dangled loose beneath the ill fitting rug, her outfit revealing more than it concealed.
"Hi,"I stammered, waving a hand.
She jumped back, then edged closer, repeating the sound as she mirrored my wave.
I glanced at the ugly clotting cuts across my chest. She'd given me the maggot treatment. "What happened?"
The woman didn't understand. She just mirrored me, even when I repeated the question.
I sighed and gave up, wondering when she would start pulling my hair again.
"I'm Robert," I said.
"Rob-ert," she pronounced carefully.
"What's your name?"
She just repeated the sound, adding a few nonsense syllables for good measure.
I shook my head and she sighed.
I still couldn't believe I'd left the apartment area, despite seeing the sun shining brightly on a beach that shouldn't exist within a twenty mile radius of my apartment, I didn't do the `Me Tarzan You Jane' routine. At least, not at first. At the moment, it was still Blue Box Theme Park. "Seriously, where am I? What is this place?"
She gave me a blank stare.
I gave up all attempts at verbal communication as she crawled closer and closer.
She knelt by my feet, pounding her chest. "Eev. Eev." She pointed at my chest expectantly.
Eev? I thought. Like the Rod Sterling story? If I had never seen that program, things would have happened a lot differently.
She pounded her chest again. "Eev."
"Robert." I sighed. "Robert Wilson."
She giggled, pointed to herself, then to me, calling me Robewerson and herself Eev.
She climbed into my lap, unbuckling my belt again.
I pushed her hands away, but she only shoved me flat on the sand, teasing the belt out of its loops.
Groggy and disoriented from being torn up by that reptile and being dragged through the jungle by my hair, and half drunk from something the woman had poured down my throat, my arms still felt like lead. I barely noticed when the belt disappeared.
She pulled my pants off, tossing them into a nearby bush, discarded my underwear in a similar fashion.
Okay, so she needed a shampoo and a dentist, and maybe some Nair for those legs, but otherwise wasn't that bad looking, so I let her do what she wanted until she tried to kiss me.
Blissfully unaware of the existence of toothbrushes, her oral hygiene proved to be an instant turn off, like licking the inside of a trash dumpster.
After the first couple Frenches, I pushed her away, stuck out my tongue and went bleah.
She responded by slapping me hard across the face.
The female gave me a crooked smile, but I could tell I had caused emotional pain.
So, I'm single, and she wasn't that bad looking.
Being obsessed with oral hygiene myself, I always carry a pack of sugar free mint gum in my pocket. Also, conveniently enough, it always tended to fall out of my pocket, so it hadn't disappeared in the folige with my pants. I offered a piece, then, after she merely swallowed it, I gave her a gum chewing lesson. This time I found kissing more tolerable.
You can imagine what happened after that.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a figure in gray slacks, the same scary tentacle faced creature that had waved a glowing orb at me earlier. I'm not wild about people who like to watch.
I raised my arm to wave the creep away, but he had already vanished.
A loud animal shriek interrupted our coitus. The woman dragged me half a mile down the shoreline of...wherever I was.
In the distance, the green things rapidly approached. It seemed Eev had noticed them before I had.
The woman glanced back and forth at the trees, then suddenly shoved me into water.
What followed seemed like a lot of horseplay to me, her shoving and dragging me further and further out. She grabbed and pulled at my ankles, a couple times nearly drowning me as I flailed around in dark waters where I couldn't even touch the bottom.
The roaring and splashing behind me brought it all into focus. The green things didn't appear to be swimmers.
As we paddled out to deeper and deeper water, the things flailed helplessly and drowned while others backed away, skirting the shore with watchful wariness.
Dinosaurs, I thought. Velociraptors.
Knowing it to be foolhardy to return to the beach, even a mile from the site, we pressed onward, for the things would surely find us, exhausted as we were.
On a distant rock, swamped by crashing waves, a tiny figure in a gray suit held a light. As I swallowed water and found myself struggling to stay afloat, I wondered it were an angel, perhaps of death or the devil himself. Not a comforting thought.
Weary of paddling, I thought I would surely drown and find out for sure, but Eve barked something, waving toward a rocky outcrop at the side of a mountain. I followed her into a shallow little cave off the water.
Here lay a primitive sort of campsite, a dying fire in a slowly smoldering pile of logs, some barbaric looking knives made of flint, and a woven mat covered in a pile of skins.
I should have thought it odd that the place looked lived in, but I figured her to be a female Robinson Crusoe. I blindly followed her to the skins, and we, ahem, continued what we had been doing.
The woman made loud noises while making love, which echoed all over the cave. I wouldn't have cared one bit, but when we had reached the point of no return, I suddenly noticed we weren't alone.
The moment Eev collapsed sated on my chest, a huge man stomped up to us, arms as thick as tree limbs, bushy beard thick and full as the skins he wrapped his body with.
Without a word, the man shoved Eev off me and yanked me to my feet by my hair, screaming in my face.