The constant whoosh of the ventilator became increasingly comforting and difficult to listen to, the beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor the only true sign the still man was still actually alive. The bruising on both his hands from blown IVs made them impossible to hold without causing pain, at least that was her excuse not to touch him at all. Despite all the intervention he felt cold all over, clammy and still as if death were already here.
"How are we doing this morning?" The overly cheerful nurse spoke to Brock as if he would answer while Mandy sat silently watching.
"You do know he's not going to answer you, right?" She asked with venom on her lips.
"There are studies that say patients can hear us even when sedated or comatose, so I make sure what they hear is positive and friendly." She smiled sympathetically at Mandy. "You can try talking to him if you want?"
"I've said what needed to be said already." Mandy looked to her phone. "When he was awake and could actually hear me."
"Can I ask why you are here then?" The nurse changed out the bag of fluids.
"Can I ask why you think that might be your business?" Mandy hated the happy nurse. Her cheerful nature grated in a way that quiet professionalism never would have, she was simply an irritation in an already impossible situation. "Are they planning to do an EEG today to check for brain activity?"
"I think so. And I'm sorry, it wasn't my place." She exited the room without saying more.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Serena shifted uncomfortably in the recliner beside Clay's bed. She had finally gotten comfortable when she had to use the bathroom and after returning that comfortable spot no longer existed. She moved from one side to the other as her hips ached from the incline. Her bra felt tight enough to constrict her breathing although she doubted that was actually possible. She moved again and sighed.
"Hey you sound worse than I do." Clay shifted slightly in his bed. "You alright?"
"Yeah, didn't mean to wake you." She sat up in the uncomfortable chair.
"You didn't. The motion sensor light in the bathroom did." He smiled at her cheekily.
"Yeah so I didn't." She laughed. "This chair sucks"
Clay shifted to his right carefully lifting his leg with his hands. "Lay with me."
"Clay, you don't have to." Serena's eyes filled with tears at the sweetness of the man.
"It's all good." Clay looked up to her. "Unless it isn't? Why are you crying?"
"It's just been a horrible week. Not that I should complain to you about that." Serena gently climbed into the bed beside him hoping he would believe her lie and that it would be one of her last.
"You know I wouldn't let Trent pull some dumb shit and not come home right?" He lowered the bed slightly as her eyes closed.
"You need to come too." She mumbled as she drifted to sleep.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
"I'm not sure I've ever looked forward to a flight landing as much." Trent sipped a beer and looked over at Sonny and Jason sitting in the net seating that lined the C-17.
"Having someone at home makes it different." Sonny looked at him with a smile on his face but betrayed by the sadness in his eyes.
"Sure does." Jason mirrored the look on Sonny's face.
"It's more than that though. Something is going on with her." Trent looked at them with fear in his eyes.
"Trent, deployment is hard for everyone and this is her first. You gotta give her time brother." Jason put his elbows on his knees leaning forward.
"Yeah that's what I've been telling myself for weeks. I'll feel better when I see her." Trent nodded to convince them and himself.
"You going straight home then?" Jason looked over to him.
"She's actually been at the hospital with Clay for the last few days." Trent smiled. "So I plan to go straight there."
"Ray's there too now right?" Sonny watched as they both nodded. "Any word on Brock?"
"They were going to run some tests today. Probably won't fly him home until they rerun the same ones in a few days." Trent stared at the floor. "They are testing for brain function."
"Shit." Sonny cracked another beer drawing half from the bottle before stopping. "Do we even know what the hell happened?"
"Not really. Severe head trauma and a lacerated artery in the wrist was all I got." Jason looked as annoyed as the others felt at the lack of information. "Shrapnel wounds apparently."
"I need a stronger drink." Sonny half mumbled.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
"We'll be taking him shortly for the MRI and CT. It probably take a few hours if you want to get some food, maybe rest." The new nurse smiled kindly.
"Yeah. Can you call my phone when he's back in his room?" Mandy sat forward.
"Sure. Here write your number down." She handed her a notepad.
"Thank you."
Mandy walked slowly from the room knowing this might be the last time she could delude herself into thinking he was still there. She wandered to an outside courtyard and the chill of winter before finding an open bench and letting her mind take her back. Back her apartment shortly after the barbeque at Ray's house to celebrate Trent's marriage. Back to Brock on one knee in her living room with tears in his eyes as he told her she was his forever.
Back to Jalalabad on the first night of deployment when she opened the door to him in the middle of the night. He'd looked at her with sad eyes for a minute before speaking. Before saying "You're still my forever so I'll just wait by the firepit for a while, when you're ready to say yes I'll be there." He showed up nightly asking her not to say anything at all unless she was ready to say yes. She let him sit by the firepit.
The cold wind blew through the sweater she had wrapped tightly around herself. She fought not to think of him sitting alone waiting for her to show up, to say yes, when all hell broke loose. She fought not to think that the last thing he thought or would ever think was that she didn't love him. Tears streamed down her face as the cold surrounded her and filled her with a dread she had never felt.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
They pulled up to the hospital in separate vehicles. Trent felt like running to room 214 but knew he needed to stay with his brothers. The walk seemed slow and torturous but eventually they were a door away and then Jason was opening the room. Trent felt his breath catch in his throat as he stepped inside.
The first thing he noticed was Clay smiling widely with a finger to his lips. The next was the assortment of throw blankets pillaged from his living and guest rooms. The third was his wife soundly sleeping in Clay's hospital bed at noon.
"Hey, brother." He whispered it to Clay.
"Hey. She's been sleeping in this damn chair. Thought switching would be better." Clay kept his voice low.
"How's the leg?" Sonny did his best to keep his voice down.
"Infected of course." Clay rolled his eyes. "I'm also apparently allergic to penicillin based antibiotics." He laughed quietly.
Trent stood next to the bed watching Serena sleep. "Of course you are. Can't do anything easy, huh?"
"Nope. Promised I'd wake her when you got here." Clay smiled. "But maybe I'll let you." He hobbled up and reached for Sonny who quickly assisted in transferring him to a wheelchair.
Trent leaned forward and brushed her red hair behind her ear. His hand rested near her neck silently and unintentionally taking her pulse and noting it seemed fast. He let his thumb slowly move over her cheekbone. "Rena, I'm home."
She had dreamed this dream before, the dream where he crawled into bed beside her and held her close. The dream where safety was in his arms and the world was no longer a scary place. The dream always ended when her eyes opened to reveal she was very much alone to only hope he made it home. So she didn't open her eyes.
Trent slid into the bed curling around her and lacing his arm under hers reaching across her chest to her shoulder. He gently pulled her back against him. He wasn't expecting her to gasp slightly and curl away. "Hey, Serena, are you okay?"
She rolled in his arms and threw herself forward ignoring the soreness of her chest. "I am now." She whispered the words in his ear as she clung to him.
"I've missed you so much." Trent held her closely with one hand on the small of her back and the other at the back of her head.
"I've missed you more." Serena tried not to cry as she inhaled his scent.
Trent held her for a few more minutes before loosening his grip and propping himself up slightly. "The guys are wandering somewhere."
"Clay wants to go home and so do I." She sat up more.
"I figured. I'll go find a doc and figure that out. You wanna sleep some more or you want the guys to come back?" Trent stood.
"I'll pack up the room. They can come back in." She bent over to grab the duffel bag and start throwing blankets inside.
Trent stood watching her move and longing to touch her. He exhaled slowly trying to stop his mind from going inappropriate places before moving forward and placing a hand on each of her hips. She stood up and looked over her shoulder at him as his hands roamed and drifted. As she turned in his grip his right hand glided over her lower abdomen and the bump she had protected and hidden. She smiled up at him.
"You're... you've been exhausted."
"Yeah."
"You almost gagged when Clay mentioned Indian food."
"I did."
"You respiration rate is higher."
"If you say so."
"And so if your heart rate by about twenty beats."
"That's about right."
"Your chest is sore."
"You have no idea!" She laughed.
"And you have cried more in the last three months than in the more than a decade I've known you."
"I have." She took both his hands in hers moving them to the small bump and looked into his eyes. "I wanted to watch you find out. To see it in person." Trent lowered himself to his knees wrapping his arms around her with his face against their growing child within her. Serena laughed out loud as tears ran down her face to match his as he looked up at her. "You're going to be a Daddy, Trent."