Mandy sat silently in the sterile ICU room awaiting the results of a list of tests she did not fully understand. She felt out of her league in more ways than one. She had done some research but little of it made sense to her in the way a terror network or human trafficking ring did. The intricacies of her world and this one did not intersect.
There is a stillness that only exists in the corridors of an ICU. It is a place where the line between life and death is thin and worn. She was acutely aware of the fragility of life, of the fact that one moment everything could be just fine and the next moment the answer could be no.
She was staring at the wall blankly when the neurologist entered the room. The man was borderline elderly but he spoke clearly and concisely without trying to give hope where no hope lived. Mandy appreciated that fact if nothing else about the man.
"The tests results aren't good, his brain is still far too swollen. We need to relieve some of that pressure before we consider rerunning the tests. We are going to drill a small bure hole in his skull to remove the excess fluid and then increase the doses on most of his medications. Hopefully it will help." The man looked at her with sad eyes.
"So the surgical procedure and then a few more days before more tests?" Mandy didn't react more than to ask the question.
The man pulled the extra chair closer. "Actually the retesting will take place stateside." He put his hand on her shoulder. "It's important not only for patients but for familes to have time together."
"You're sending home to die." Mandy nodded.
"I can't tell the future but if I had to hazard a guess based on experience yes I am. His EEG did show activity so he is not brain dead, he's still in there but the activity was minimal. That could be due to the swelling and fluid but I think it is due to trauma."
"Can I have a minute before you take him?" She sat forward as the overly cheerful nurse readied him for transport.
"Of course, Chloe give her a minute." The doctor ushered the annoying woman from the room and slid the door shut behind them.
"Brock, they say you're still in there somewhere. If you can hear me I need you to fight, I need you to fight harder than you have ever had to on Bravo." A tear ran down her face. "I came to the firepit. I ran barefoot through shrapnel for you. Because yes, Brock. The answer is yes and it always will be, so I need you to fight." Her breath caught in her throat threatening to choke her. "Please fight. Because if you can't I won't understand. I won't be okay. I don't know who I am without you and I won't be okay so you have to fight. I love you, Brock, please don't leave me here alone."
She sat back in the chair as he was wheeled into surgery contemplating the irony of waiting for him. She thought of him by the firepit night after night and cried. Eventually she typed a text and didn't send it.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Trent was smiling wider than anyone on Bravo had ever seen him smile when they returned to the room. His eyes were dry now but puffy and slightly red still which no one mentioned. Serena was quietly packing the room while he just sat smiling.
"Am I getting out?" Clay watched the two slightly confused.
Trent stood and walked to him kneeling beside his wheelchair. "Well, how are you feeling? For real?"
Clay lowered his head a bit. "Like I should probably stay here but I really don't want to." His voice cracked in a way that caused Trent to reach for his hand.
"I'll talk to the doc and see what I can do." Trent rose and stepped from the room.
"Hey there, Ginger Snaps! How have you been?" Sonny smiled genuinely.
"I'm better now that you lot are home." She smiled back at him. "Did you guys get to see Ray?"
"Yeah he looks a hell of a lot better than the last time we saw him." Jason moved further into the room.
"I'm sure." Serena continued to pack things around the room.
"Man was paler than me." Sonny shook his head at the memory.
"Any word from Mandy?" Serena smiled sadly.
"Nothing yet. But Mandy likes to have more information before sharing sometimes." Jason exhaled.
"That makes sense given her profession." Serena sipped the duffle bag.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Mandy stared at the unsent text to Jason. It was a simple six words that she couldn't bear to send. 'He's not going to make it." She deleted and retyped it three times before leaving it as a draft.
It was close to sunrise when the wheeled him back into the room. His head was wrapped in white gauze that matched his paled skin. A tube snaked from under the wrappings and she no longer recognized the man she once thought was her forever.
She'd bounced her knee while waiting but now stillness overtook her. The whoosh of the ventilator and the beeping filled her ears and her mind. There was a reason she had tried so hard for so long to not form connections with the operators she worked with, and this was the reason.
"He's heavily sedated still." The older nurse looked at her with kind eyes.
"He's not ever waking up again anyway." Mandy spoke softly all traces of anger faded to despair.
"They've been wrong before." The nurse turned to her. "They don't know him like you do. But what I meant was if you have calls to make it's early here but it's getting late stateside."
"Thank you." Mandy stood and walked from the room.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Trent threw a blanket across Sonny on the couch and looked into the guest room where Clay was sleeping soundly. He turned off lights as he moved through the apartment and toward his bedroom.
He was almost to the bedroom when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He walked to the front door and into the hallway outside as he connected the call. "Mandy?"
"Trent." Her voice was strong in the same way it always sounded as she was presenting a target package. "Trent, it isn't good."
"Just tell me." He slumped against his truck's tailgate after exiting the apartment complex.
"He's still alive, minimal brain activity. They did surgery tonight to relieve pressure. They are sending him home in a few hours. It's late there right?" She was usually better with time differences.
"Yeah almost midnight."
"We'll be there midday tomorrow." Mandy sounded almost clinical.
"Mandy, are you okay?" Trent spoke so softly it was almost a whisper.
"No." Her voice stayed the same.
"We'll be waiting for you both Mandy."
The call disconnected and he sat on the tailgate of his truck. The December wind blew gently and threatened of snow. He stared up at the night sky wondering how he was supposed to share news like this. Trent had always been honest with his teammates even when it was bad but this was different. This was thousands of miles away and he was helpless.
She carried a blanket with her as she exited the apartment and crossed to where he sat in the dimly lit parking lot. Unfolding the blanket she wrapped it around his shoulders as he stared up and she climbed onto the tailgate beside him.
"What do you need, Trent Sawyer?" She bumped her shoulder against his.
"Sit with me?" Trent whispered.
"Forever." She leaned closer and pulled some of the blanket around herself.
Trent didn't feel the cold and had no idea how much time had passed when he noticed Serena shaking slightly. "It's cold."
"It is." She tilted her head up to him.
"Mandy called." He looked down to her. "Minimal brain activity."
"Trent... what does that mean?" Serena was afraid to ask.
"He's probably going to die and I have no idea how to do this, Rena." He looked back to the night sky.
Serena sat for a few minutes before hopping off the tailgate and standing between his legs. Slowly she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You don't have to know how and you don't have to do it alone."
Trent smiled sadly before wrapping her in his arms. "Let's get you two inside."
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Mandy boarded the C-17 as she has so many times before and if she closed her eyes she could for a split second pretend that everything was not falling apart. But only for a split second as the retrofitting had basically turned this plane into a flying ICU. The most critically injured at the tail end, Brock the last in the row.
"Ms. Ellis, it isn't often we have a civilian onboard." The flight surgeon spoke at her instead of to her.
"I'll stay out of your way." She stepped to the front of the plane silently. She inhaled the smell of antiseptic she was sure would never leave her and sent a simple text. 'In the air.' Trent and the rest of Bravo would be waiting at the airport when the plane landed and as much as she wanted to be home a part of her wondered if the place would ever feel like home without him. Shaking the thought she sat in a net seat and closed her eyes.
There is a type of exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. It's the type of tired you get from too many tears, from terror, from losing who you thought you were, from saying goodbye to a future that was close enough to feel. Mandy let her mind drift as the weariness took hold.
She pictured him well and smiling over a piece of pie at the diner that had become their haven. A smile filtered across her lips as she remembered the first time he slept in her bed and the hazy gaze he looked at her with as the first light of morning danced across her bedroom. It was the quiet moments she would hold onto forever. The glances across a room full of people that were only meant for her. The smiles no one else saw. The laughter in his truck at nothing. The way he held her hand under the table or kissed her temple, those times when he was hers alone.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Serena laid awake watching Trent sleep beside her knowing his world was changing in so many ways all at once and in ways that would devastate him. She brushed his hair off his forehead and enjoyed the peace that graced his features. One hand stayed in his too long hair while the other rested on her belly.
He moved slightly and whimpered. His face scrunched and he moved a bit more and she stroked her hand down his face humming quietly. "You're okay."
"Mhm." His eyes opened a crack before he realized the warmth and comfort was Serena. "Did I wake you?"
"No. Can't seem to sleep in anymore. Baby is on your schedule." She smiled at him.
"How many weeks?" Trent placed his hand over hers on her belly.
"Almost thirteen." She pulled her hand out from under his and placed it on top of his.
"I want to shout it from the rooftops but..." He looked up with sadness in his eyes.
"But we are waiting to tell Brock first. He's your best friend." She leaned closer.
"He won't know." Trent exhaled slowly.
"He will." Serena's thumb circled the back of his hand. "I'm going to con Sonny into making breakfast if you wanna shower." Trent sat up slowly as soreness crept up his lower back. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Clay shoved me into a wall." Trent rubbed his back. "Dumbass Kid always playing hero."
Serena exhaled slowly recalling Clay telling her he wouldn't let Trent not come home to her. "Is that when he got shot?"
"Yeah." Trent looked to her. "Guess I shouldn't complain of my back being sore."
"I love you." Tears filled her eyes as she stood not wanting the details of Jalalabad.
"I love you too. I'm going to text Jace and Naima see if Ray can handle the news. It'll be better to tell everyone together." Trent reached for his phone.
Serena walked into the kitchen where Sonny was sipping on coffee with his hair a mess from sleep. "We need a bigger house." She smiled at him.
"Why's that?" Sonny turned.
"We'll it'd be nice if you had a bed instead of the couch." Serena didn't mention the baby growing inside her that would also need a bedroom eventually but her smile caused Sonny to look at her curiously. "You wanna make breakfast while I check on Clay?"
"Only reason y'all keep me round I swear." Sonny opened the fridge.
"Awe Pumba you know that isn't true!" She reached for his arm. "Hey... you okay?"
"Course I am." Sonny avoided her eyes.
"Sonny, can I have a hug?" She waited for his nod before stepping into his arms. "Welcome home."
"Thanks." He lowered his head to her shoulder while gently holding on to her. "Really did miss being here."
Sonny slowly broke the hug and turned back to figuring out breakfast as Serena walked toward the cracked door to the spare bedroom. She gently shut the door behind herself. Sonny pulled bread from the freezer to make toast.
Trent emerged from the bedroom freshly showered and looked around the space before turning to Sonny. "Where's Rena?"
"She went to check on Clay." Sonny spoke and watched as Trent's eyes grew larger.
"By herself? Why the fuck would you let her do that?" Trent was moving across the room not waiting for a response.
"Cause she's been with him for days." Sonny followed.
He threw the door open like he was breaching a room looking for a fight. "Are you okay?" His voice was louder than he meant it to be.
Clay jumped slightly as Trent burst through the door. "Jesus, Trent. What is wrong?" Trent stood in the doorway with Sonny behind him just as confused as Clay. He looked panicked in the same way he had in Somalia, a wild look in his eyes. Clay had to look away. "You thought I would hurt her?"
Trent looked to Serena for help as she tried not to laugh at her suddenly very overprotective husband. "No, Kid. I'm sorry. I just didn't sleep well." Trent stepped into the room. "How are you feeling?"
"Pretty good." Clay turned to Serena in confusion. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, kiddo." Serena could no longer hold back the small laugh that escaped her lips as she looked to Trent who was trying desperately to hide his smile.
"We were gonna wait to say anything until Brock was home. He isn't doing well. We wanted to... eh.. tell everyone at once." Trent stuttered as he started to undress the wound on Clay's leg with shaking hands.
"Ouch. Slow down man." Clay winced as Trent ripped at the tape pulling leg hair with it. "Damn, Trent."
"Serena's pregnant." Trent looked him straight in the eyes.
"Wow." Clay smiled widely and then grimaced as Trent pulled at the tape more. "Congratulations, brother. Now stop fucking with that, it hurts."
"Good job waiting, Sawyer. You almost made it a whole day without telling." She laughed.
Trent stilled his hands and smiled up at her. "I tried." His smile faded as he turned back to his brothers. "Jason will be here soon we're gonna head over to see Ray. I talked to Mandy last night. I'd rather explain once if that's okay."
"Sure is." Sonny saw the pain and fear written across Trent's face and decided he would rather delay the truth as long as possible. He turned back to the kitchen. "I'll make food."
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
"Ms. Ellis, he's done good on the flight. I wanted to apologize if I was rude to you earlier. I guess I'm not used to having family onboard." The flight surgeon held a cup of coffee out to her as a peace offering.
"You weren't rude." Mandy took the cup. "I feel like everyone is either coddling or abrupt. I prefer abrupt. This whole situation is horrific enough without people projecting how I should feel." Mandy sipped at the coffee.
"My wife died of cancer five years ago. I can't tell you how my times I heard 'It's okay to cry.' I can tell you I did cry just not when everyone else thought I should. But if you don't that doesn't change how much this all sucks." He spoke sincerely and unapologetically.
"I'm Mandy." She smiled for the first time in what felt like years.
"Doug." A monitor close by beeped and he began to step away. "Oh and we're landing in about an hour."
"Thanks." She spoke to his back as he walked away.
An hour later Mandy walked slowly through the airport unaccustomed to flights landing at actual airports. She walked passed the baggage claim area and continued walking toward the doors to the outside when she heard her name being called. Her breath caught in her throat and panic rose within her as she pushed the exit open gasping for air and feeling like she was drowning.
Jason caught up to her as she reached the line of taxis outside. "Hey." He put a hand on her back as she bent forward with her hands on her knees. "We got you."
Mandy looked up at him. "He's dying, Jace. He's going to die."
"I know what you told Trent. I know but I also know they want to repeat the tests right? If there was no hope why would they?" Jason pleaded with her and his own heart. "Blackburn has Cerb at his house. Were you and Brock still uh living together?"
"No. I moved out but I'll take Cerb, he can be a handful when his Dad isn't around." Mandy stood more straightly.
"I'll let him know." Jason nodded to the rest of Bravo present to join them.
"Thank you and thank you for coming here. I know you could have gone straight to the hospital." Mandy almost whispered.
"No where else any of us would be." Trent smiled sadly at her.
Sonny's phone beeped and he looked at the screen. "Apparently Ray is trying to leave the hospital AMA. Naima is pissed."
"Trent, you wanna deal with that or head to see Brock?" Jason looked to his medic.
"I'll deal with Ray." Trent turned to Sonny. "Don't let him do anything stupid and be home by 6 for dinner."
"Yes, Dad." Sonny smiled knowingly.
"Shut up." Trent turned and headed to his truck while smiling.