Chapter 38- No more barriers
Elizabeth had not expected him to enter her room. She knew they had resolved their differences and expressed their love for each other. But she had not anticipated the night to end in the consummation of their marriage.
I love him, and I cannot deny his wishes.
As much as she wanted to be his, she was intimidated by the thought of the event she thought would never happen in her life. She prayed that her face did not betray her fear. She expected him to get into her bed, but she saw him kneel beside her holding her hand.
Darcy, on the other hand, did not know how to beg for forgiveness.
A few hours before, when he had found her room empty, he was certain that she would be in the library. When he turned to leave, he was surprised to see a blanket and pillow laid out near the fireplace. He could not understand why she had placed it on the floor.
He looked at her bed and remembered her murmuring during the sickness.
"Why am I on this bed?" She had asked him in a bare state of consciousness.
Her words echoed in his mind. Has she been sleeping on the floor? Why? This is such a comfortable bed. He thought. Then it struck him like lightning. The memories of their wedding night flashed in front of him. Every word he said came back to haunt him. He remembered the exact words he had uttered on that fateful night. "It is a comfortable bed. I hope you have a good sleep, madam."
Darcy felt devastated. Good, God! I have slept in the next room all these months, without the slightest idea of her sleeping on the floor.
His heart broke thinking about the pain he had caused her. He could not bear the thought of her sleeping on the floor. He was certain that she could never forgive him.
Now, he kneeled before her, looking at the fear in her eyes guiltily.
"Elizabeth, my offences to you are unpardonable. I can barely look at myself without abhorrence. I never realised how much my words must have wounded you."
She looked at him with confusion.
"On our wedding night, I did not expect you to retaliate to my accusations. I must admit, after my father, I have never had anyone question my decisions like you did. I did not believe you then. I did not have the sense to see the truth in your words. I was angry at being challenged. When I left your room, I said those words purely out of spite. I cannot believe how much I have hurt you. I gave you every opportunity to hate me. I am so sorry Elizabeth. I slept in the next room without the slightest idea about you sleeping on the floor all these months."
She watched the agony on his face in the light of candles. His eyes were moist.
"How did you… How do you know this?"
"A few hours ago, I came to your room looking for you." He said in a low voice.
"You must hate me. I cannot believe that you can forgive me."
"It was my choice. You did not make me do it. I was hurt by your words then, and I chose to sleep on the floor. I do not sleep well after my father's death. It did not matter much to me. I forgave you long ago, but I could not sleep on this bed, thinking how unfit you thought I was in this marriage."
Her words pained him beyond measure.
"Elizabeth, I could make a bed with the rarest gems and diamonds in the world, and I would still think they are not worthy of you. Everything I said that night was a lame defence to my wounded pride. I thought I was right and when you still questioned my judgement, I was furious. I openly admit to you I have made a grave mistake. I cannot forgive myself. I do not understand how you can."
She leaned forward and touched his cheek.
"Let us remember only the good memories of the past, Mr Darcy. I don't hold you in contempt. All I feel for you is love."
"Will you sleep on this bed?"
She nodded her head in confusion. Is he not joining me? He stood up and covered her with the blanket. She noticed him trying hard to control his emotions. He bent and kissed her gently on her cheek, that she hardly felt the brush of his lips.
"I am very fortunate, Elizabeth. More than I deserve. You do not know how I feel after understanding your heart. I must make myself worthy of your affection. Sleep well, my love."
With one last look at her, he left the room. Elizabeth stared at the door, dumbstruck.
For the millionth time, she realised why she had fallen in love with him.
He could have consummated the marriage, but he chose not to. In her heart, she knew that her face betrayed her feelings. He must have realised that.
The struggle he endured was evident on his face when he left her. After all, he was the same man who tried to kiss her even before confessing his love.
Having full knowledge of my feelings, he could have fulfilled his wishes, but he knew I was not ready. She respected him for his selfless nature.
Darcy stood against the door on the other side, with his eyes shut. He felt a turmoil of emotions run through him. He saw the fear in her eyes when he carried her to into her chamber. Though he could not deny the attraction he felt towards her, the last thing he had in his mind that night was to make her his.
He was ashamed of his actions and could not digest the distress he had caused her. I must make myself worthy of her affection.
He went to bed, unable to believe how the night had turned out. He was doubtful whether sleep would come, knowing how fortunate he was to have earned her love and affection. He looked forward to their breakfast in the morning.
Elizabeth overslept the next day. When she woke up, she did not understand how she was on the bed. The events of the night felt like a dream to her. She had slept better on the bed and smiled. It is indeed a comfortable bed.
She anticipated their breakfast and got ready hurriedly.
Darcy was waiting for her in the parlour and was worried when she did not turn up. He was tempted to knock on her door but tried to wait patiently.
After fifteen minutes, he was surprised to see Elizabeth hurry into the room.
"I am sorry, did I make you wait too long?" She asked, flushed.
"Not at all. Did you run in here?" He asked, unable to suppress his smile.
"I almost did." She said, joining him on the settee.
They sat down to eat.
"I usually check on Emma before breakfast. She will be asleep most of the time, but today she was awake and would not let me go."
"I seem to have stiff competition in our house to gain your company."
Elizabeth smiled at him. Darcy was looking at her without touching his plate.
"Won't you eat?"
"Oh! Yes, of course." He said absent-mindedly.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked her in hesitance.
"Oh! Yes, I did. Thank you." They ate in silence. Their hearts were content, basking in each other's company. Darcy moved closer to her and held her hand. He looked at her lovingly, and Elizabeth blushed, unable to withstand the intensity of his gaze.
"Elizabeth, I do not want to keep anything away from you. I have to tell you something about Georgiana. She loves you a lot, and I want you to know this about her."
Elizabeth understood what he wanted to convey.
Darcy quickly related his history with Wickham, their childhood, and how much his father trusted him. He conveyed all the details of Wickham's misdeeds in Derbyshire. Without hesitance, he started to explain the happenings of Ramsgate.
Elizabeth stopped him.
"I know about the incident in Ramsgate." She said, unable to listen to the story feigning ignorance.
Darcy stared at her in astonishment.
"What? How do you know?"
"Georgiana admitted it to me recently." Darcy was silent. He understood how much trust Elizabeth had gained with her.
"Are you not angry with me that I accused of such immortal behavior when my sister had committed such a grave mistake?"
"Please do not say such a thing. I have younger sisters, just like Georgiana. I know that she was deceived easily because of her good heart. But you must be proud that she did the right thing."
"That is true. Georgiana could not go ahead with the plan after seeing me there. Does she still think about that scoundrel?"
"No! She has no regard for him. Do not worry. I made her aware of my experience as well." She said uncomfortably.
"Elizabeth, what did he do to you? If he behaved inappropriately with you, I shall kill him with my bare hands." Darcy asked in anger.
"The reason why I was crying during the night of the Netherfield ball is Mr Wickham." She said in a small voice.
Darcy was shocked. Elizabeth was embarrassed to relate the gossip he had spread about her character, but she did not want to keep anything away from him. She told him what she overheard.
"When I think of it now. I feel that I overreacted. But I was upset that day, and I did not want to make a scene. I ran out into the darkness crying. And that is when I ran into you."
"Why didn't you tell me this when I asked you that night?" He asked, agonised at every single detail that was unraveling from her perspective.
Elizabeth was silent.
"Elizabeth, why didn't you tell…" He stopped before completing the sentence. Oh! God! She thought I would believe the gossip. Darcy felt as though he was slapped across his face.
"You thought I would believe the gossip, didn't you?" He asked in agony.
Elizabeth nodded her head.
"Had I known your history with Wickham, I would have revealed it. But you were so certain about the compromise I thought you would not believe me. I wished my father was alive that night. I would have told him."
Darcy looked at the sadness in her eyes.
"I am so sorry, Elizabeth. I wish you had revealed it. You could have spared yourself all the misery you had to undergo by marrying me. I shouldn't have let him roam freely on earth. Honestly, I did not hear anything untoward about him after Ramsgate. He assured me that he would change his ways. I should not have believed him. I will make him pay." He said with rage.
"I informed uncle Gardiner about this, and he took it up with captain Foster. I think Wickham left Hertfordshire for good before the ball. He has left debts in Meryton. I need not elaborate on the reputation amongst women."
Darcy was deep in thought. Elizabeth covered his hand with hers.
"I love you, Elizabeth. I promise I will keep you safe and happy."
"I know you will." She said with warmth.
Darcy gazed into her beautiful eyes. "You are so beautiful. I have wanted to tell you how much I admired you, but I did know how to admit my feelings to you."
"But you did last night. You cannot fathom how happy I am to know that you believe me."
By the time they were out of the parlour, Georgiana was looking for Elizabeth.
"Lizzy, there you are. I thought you both will never come downstairs." She said innocently.
Elizabeth looked embarrassed.
"Are you done with your lessons, Georgiana?" Darcy asked his sister.
"No, I am on my way." She said and left them.
"Are you free now?" He asked his wife.
"I usually spend time with Emma in the mornings or go for a walk when Georgiana does her lessons."
"I would like to take you somewhere. Would you like to come with me?" He asked with hesitance.
"Where?"
"It is a surprise."
Elizabeth agreed, and they headed out.
"Elizabeth, we can take the carriage if you like or ride. We have to go into the woods."
"But I just started riding last week. I am still not confident."
"I know. I am so proud of you for trying. Mr Rogers is happy with your progress. Where you angry with me for pushing you to do it?"
"Of course I was. At that time, I thought it was better to ride the horse alone than ride along with you." She said slyly.
"Was it that unpleasant to ride with me?" He asked with a frown.
"Oh! Yes, it was." She said seriously. Darcy finally understood that she was mocking him.
"Well, my dear, you will have to endure it once more today." He said.
Elizabeth was almost over her fear for horses. During his absence from Pemberley, she had gradually mustered the courage to ride her horse. Gradually she overcame her fear.
"If you do not wish it, we can take the carriage and walk into the woods." He said, hoping that she would agree.
"It is all right. I will come with you." She said and smiled.
They headed to the stables, and Darcy lifted her onto his horse. Elizabeth inhaled sharply as he touched her.
He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she held on to his coat as they rode away.
Elizabeth felt his grip on her was firmer than the last time they rode together. Darcy relished every moment of their ride.
He took them deep into the woods, and Elizabeth had no idea how he could remember the way back.
He stopped near a stream.
"We are here." He said in excitement.
Elizabeth wondered where he had brought her. He helped her down, and she looked around. There was a small stream and wildflowers all around her.
"This place is beautiful." She said.
Darcy smiled.
"Come with me." He said and pulled her towards a huge tree.
Elizabeth followed him. He took her behind the tree, and she gasped when she saw steps next to the foot of the tree. She looked up and saw the steps go all the way to the top. The tree was huge and dense. She could not see further.
"Elizabeth, I have to be honest with you. I did not know when your birthday was. Yesterday I wanted to find out your birthday and checked our marriage papers, that is when I spotted your letter and read it again."
"Oh!"
"Though I missed your birthday, I will be elated if you accept this gift."
Elizabeth looked at him in confusion. What gift, my dear husband?
He climbed the steps which wound around the trunk of the tree and assisted her along. By the time they were up, Elizabeth realised what the gift was and was dumbstruck. The steps led to the most beautiful treehouse she had ever seen. The wooden planks were laid across, connecting all the branches, and the treehouse was large enough to accommodate adults. She was thrilled that it overlooked the stream, and she could see miles away.
Darcy watched her animated face and was happy to have surprised her.
She walked on the planks gently.
Darcy laughed.
"I had tested it a couple of times before I left for London. We had some final touches to finish. I wish I had shown it to you on your birthday."
"This is beautiful. Thank you very much." She said gratefully.
"I could not bear to look at the sadness in your eyes when your sister informed you about the treehouse your father built. Though it may not be the same, I hope you can relive the memories."
"But… But Jane visited us almost a month ago. This must have taken weeks to build."
"Elizabeth, as I told you, I have been in love with you for a very long time. I wanted to express my feelings in so many ways. I started building this as soon as your sister left. I have added something here to make it more special."
Elizabeth looked around and could not spot anything. She noticed a plank of wood on the side that was in a different color than the other. She bent down and looked closer. There was an engraving on it.
"Captain Lizzy".
She could not control her emotions. She touched the letters and started weeping.
Darcy was beside her immediately. "Please do not cry. I thought it would make you happy."
She flung herself into his arms and sobbed.
"I miss him so much. Thank you!" She said in between sobs, and Darcy comforted her.
He had stopped in Longbourn on the way back from town and brought what was left of the torn-down treehouse.
"My father engraved this for me. I cannot believe you got this from Longbourn. Thank you so much, Fitzwilliam." She said.
Darcy looked at her in astonishment.
"Thank you."
"Why are you thanking me?" She asked, perplexed.
"You called me by my given name. You do not know how much I have yearned for this."
"I have called you so before." She said, blushing.
"I know. But it was for the sake of society, was it not?"
"It was. I thought I did not have the right to call you so and felt awkward to do so."
"You have every right to call me so."
"All right, Mr Darcy." She said and giggled. You minx.
He always loved her playfulness. They spent some time there, and Elizabeth thoroughly enjoyed the treehouse. She was eager to bring Georgiana and Emma there.
"Promise me you will not try to come alone." He said with concern.
"Even if I wanted to, I will not know the way. But I am very tempted to because I know you will come looking for me." She said playfully.
He led her down carefully, and they left with their hearts full of happiness.
Darcy and Elizabeth had only one thought on their way back home. No more barriers between us.
Dear readers,
I cannot thank you enough for your patience. Please keep the reviews coming. I am juggling between many things at present. As much as I would like to post sooner, I do not want to rush into my writing. Thank you for the continuous support and encouragement. Please stay safe!