Chapter 39- Lurking
By the time they reached Pemberley, Emma and Georgiana were eagerly waiting for Elizabeth. Darcy realised that it would be difficult for Elizabeth to change her routine and spend more time with him. He left them reluctantly and headed to his study.
Elizabeth felt Darcy's gaze on her throughout the day. Unable to hold the intensity of his gaze, she looked away every time she spotted his eyes on her. Did he always look at me this way? She thought, trying hard to calm herself. She was touched by his gesture of bringing the wooden plank her father had engraved for her from Longbourn.
Darcy was yearning to spend time with her alone. He saw her blush whenever she looked at him. He playfully raised his eyebrows whenever she looked at him.
During supper, Elizabeth could not bear it any longer.
"Why do you keep staring at me so?" She asked him.
"Why do you think, my dear?" He said, smiling.
"I do not know. I thought you were looking at me to criticize me in some way." She said.
"Good God! That is exactly the opposite of what I am doing. If I must speak in simpler words, I no longer have to look at you with the risk of being discovered. I think I can openly admire you now."
Elizabeth stared at him wide-eyed. Their conversation was interrupted by Georgiana entering the room.
Elizabeth felt unsettled and shifted uncomfortably in her chair during supper.
"Lizzy, what happened? You look worried." Georgiana asked.
"It is nothing, Georgiana." Elizabeth replied, trying to concentrate on her plate.
"Yes! Elizabeth, you seem unsettled. Is something wrong?" Darcy asked, smiling at her.
Elizabeth was shocked to see the sarcastic side of him. Teasing, man!
She looked at him with a sense of anger.
You look adorable when you are angry!
After supper, Darcy and Elizabeth walked together to Emma's room.
"Libby! Uncle Darcy!" Emma cried in joy.
They played with her before bedtime.
"You both came together today." Emma said.
"What do you mean, Emma?" Darcy asked.
"Libby comes first to say good night. After that, you will come. You never come together." She said innocently.
Darcy and Elizabeth realised how much their distance as a couple must have impacted the child.
"Emma, if it makes you happy, Uncle Darcy and I will come together every night and play with you before you sleep."
Emma smiled in joy.
They left the sleepy child and headed upstairs. Elizabeth felt a strange feeling. She did not know what to anticipate.
Is he going to leave me in my room again? Or is he going to join me? She was confused.
"What is troubling you, my dear?" Darcy asked, ask they entered the parlour.
"Nothing."
"Elizabeth, I understand how you feel. Maybe I should have made myself yesterday. I said some hateful things to you after our wedding. Not only did I accuse you, but I also chose to take away your right to have a child in this marriage. I was wrong about everything. I cannot imagine how much grief I have caused you. I want to have a child with you, Elizabeth. But only if you desire it. The decisions we make from now on will not be just mine. I assure you I will not do anything against your wishes."
"You were not in love with me then when you said those words. I realise how much you love me now. I …I want to have a child with you. But… But …" She said looking embarrassed.
Darcy touched her cheek gently.
"But… you are not ready yet. Am I right?"
"No! No! I did not mean that. You can …I mean we can.." Elizabeth did not know how to express her hesitance.
"Elizabeth, it is not uncommon to feel the way you feel. I do not doubt your love for me. But there is so much we still need to know about each other. Maybe we can look at this as a period of courtship before we take things forward.
"A courtship after marriage? My God! Mr Darcy, you do have the art of exploring our relationship in unique ways." She said with a laugh.
She looked at the frown on his face.
"Did I offend you?"
"You called me, Mr Darcy."
Elizabeth laughed.
"Are you going to carry me to my bed again? My maid might be in there now. It will be scandalous." She said playfully.
"I had other ideas. I thought I could spend time with you now if you are not sleepy. I can hardly see you alone during the day." Elizabeth agreed and went to change for the night.
She asked her maid to tie her hair in a loose bun. She wrapped a shawl around her nightgown and sat on the settee. In a few minutes, she heard him knock.
"Come in." She said standing up.
Darcy entered her room and thought she looked as beautiful as ever in the light of candles.
He sat beside her and they were silent for some time.
"Your sister told me you were very depressed after your father's death. I understand you were very close to him. You must miss him very much, to be unable to sleep. I wish I can help you somehow."
"We got the news about his death in the morning. My mother took ill. My sisters were all crying. Jane and I tried to keep calm till my uncle arrived. By night I was so tired, and I slept till the morning. I somehow had a peaceful sleep. When I woke up, it was all like a dream. I was unable to comprehend with reality. I hated myself for sleeping as if nothing had happened. Since that day, I have been unable to sleep. And in the past months, it has gotten worst."
She looked at the guilt on Darcy's face.
"But yesterday, after so many months, I slept well. I think I will recover, Fitzwilliam." She said and held his hand. Darcy was deep in thought.
"Tell me about your father." He asked her.
Elizabeth shared the memories of her childhood and her father. Darcy listened without interruption. He understood the major role her father had played in her upbringing, just like his own.
"He will be proud of you, Elizabeth. You truly have remarkable qualities in you."
"Even obedience?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
Darcy laughed. "That is something I like about you. You do not blindly follow anybody, for that matter. It only concerns me when you venture out into the woods alone."
"My father had a tough time trying to keep me inside the house. But Hertfordshire is safe. I have never lost my way as I did here."
The time was close to midnight, and Darcy reluctantly got up. He knew it was getting harder and harder to stay away from her.
"You must sleep now. Do not wake up early. Everything else can wait. Let your maid know when you are ready. I will meet you in the breakfast parlour."
Elizabeth did not want him to leave. She saw his gaze fall on her lips, and she felt a strange feeling within her.
Darcy kissed her hand gently and bid goodbye. He was not confident of kissing her on the cheek and moving away from her without being tempted for more.
Elizabeth walked to the bed and was baffled by how things had changed so quickly between them. Every moment she was falling in love with him more than before. Her feelings were getting stronger. And her future looked brighter. She slept peacefully. In the morning, once she got ready, she confidently walked to the door and knocked on it.
She heard an eager voice on the other side.
"Elizabeth!" Darcy opened the door. She looked at him and blushed.
"I just thought I could …I could see your room."
"Of course!" He led her inside and Elizabeth was encapsulated by the masculinity of the room. It smelt of sandalwood. She spotted the painting she had gifted him hanging on the wall. He had framed it.
"It is such a beautiful piece of art. I did not know you paint. Did you take any formal training?"
"No. My father wanted me to. But I was not certain of my skills."
"Would you like me to get you a tutor?"
"I am not certain I have the time to take painting lessons, Fitzwilliam."
"Why do you say that? You seem to spend a lot of time with Emma and managing the house. You should have the time to do things you like. I know you love Emma a lot, but maybe it is time to get her a governess. She is growing fast. I do not want you to be taking all the responsibility of raising her."
"If I had not married you, I would have become one." She said and bit her lips, cursing her slip of the tongue.
"What?" He asked in shock.
Elizabeth looked away. "Let us eat. I am hungry." She tried to walk away.
Darcy stopped her by holding her hand.
"Did you want to become a governess? But why? Your uncle would have supported you."
"I know that. But I could not sit idle, letting him bear the responsibility of all of us. Though my cakes were selling well in Meryton, I thought being a governess would provide a steady source of income. I wanted to leave to London after the Netherfield ball to find employment."
"I am so sorry. You are a brave and independent woman Elizabeth. That is what I admired about you when you walked to Netherfield to see your sister. After the compromise, I allowed myself to turn all my anger on you and accused you of everything you were not. I am ashamed of myself."
"I saw how women flirted with you in London. I cannot imagine how it must have been before our marriage. And all circumstances that day led you to believe that I orchestrated it. I have thought about it a lot. But let us put it behind us. It is no use discussing the past. We have a lifetime ahead of us."
Darcy gently pulled her into his embrace. Elizabeth rested her head on his shoulder. She felt a sense of belonging when he held her with such warmth. They ate their breakfast, and Elizabeth agreed to have a tutor to teach her painting.
Darcy left for his study, and she spent time with Emma and Georgiana. After a few hours, she headed to the library to see if she could find any books on art. She browsed the books on the lower shelves and could not find anything interesting.
Maybe I can use the ladder to reach the top shelves. She climbed the ladder halfway to reach the shelves. Engrossed in her search, she never saw Darcy enter the library. Darcy slowly walked near her.
"You could have called me." He said in a low voice. Elizabeth was surprised by his presence and lost her grip on the ladder. Darcy caught her before she fell to the ground.
"Are you all right?" He asked with concern.
"Yes! Yes! I am fine." She said, embarrassed at her clumsiness. Darcy let her down and looked concerned.
"Are you sure?" He asked, troubled.
"You caught me before I fell. Nothing happened."
"I shouldn't have startled you like that. I cannot bear it if you hurt yourself in any way. I was so scared when you fell sick. It made me realise that I could not live without you."
"You will not have to. I am not going anywhere."
Darcy was standing very close to her, and his hands were still on her hips.
He touched her cheek gently and said, "I love you so much." His eyes fell on her lips. She instinctively leaned forward.
Darcy could not control himself anymore. He kissed her as gently as ever. Elizabeth felt herself melt in his touch. She held on to his coat, relishing in the sensations building within her. How long they stood there. They never knew. The kiss was a mark of a new beginning for both of them. It was a mark of a union of their minds, body, and soul.
That precise moment, they stood together in the library basking in happiness, hundreds of miles away, two people so similar in their wicked minds stood together sketching a vicious plan to ruin the brimming happiness between Darcy and Elizabeth.
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