"...and that's basically the long and short of it," I finished explaining, draping myself over the checkout counter at Stan the Man's little store. "I'm kinda not too good with talking to people who aren't A. related to me, or B. my BFFs." I glanced up at him, once again employing my patented Puppy Dog Eyes. "...how do I fix this?"
Stan rubbed his chin for a moment. "...have you tried waiting until something more interesting comes along for you friends to obsess over?"
My forehead hit the counter with an audible "Thunk!".
"That's not the advice I was hoping for, you know…"
"Hey, life doesn't always have easy answers," he shrugged. "Listen, Kid, I've been around for a good while by now, and I've learned a lot of things in my life. One of those things being that, sometimes, the best thing to do to improve a situation is...nothing."
...was he serious?
"Are you serious?" I asked.
"One hundred percent! If nothing you can think to do will help, try waiting and see if the situation resolves itself, or if something new presents itself. ...except if you see a fight promoter get robbed, then you might want to stop the guy before he runs into your uncle."
"Uh...my uncle's a P.I," I said, "I'd be more worried about the thief."
"Oh...huh, don't know why I went with that example...but the point is that you need to know what to act and when to hold back. In the meantime…" He grabbed a mason jar from under the counter that had what looked like sticks of black plastic in it. "Want a licorice? They just came in fresh this morning.~"
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
That evening I decided to just do one of my normal patrols, electing not to pay Jimmy the Gargoyle a visit. (He'd probably just tell me the same thing everyone else did, knowing my luck.) Maybe some good, old fashioned crime fighting would help take my mind off of my rapidly worsening school life.
I usually think better when I'm doing what I love. (Which is probably why I need Kara's help with social studies.)
"You know...you'd think guys like you would at least switch up your methods once in a while; most cars have alarms on them for a reason, you know…" The punk I'd just webbed up neglected to comment, mostly because of the aforementioned webbing up. "If I were you, I'd start reconsidering my life choice, OK bud?~" I gave him a pat on the cheek- he mumbled something from under the webbing on his mouth, probably a curse word of some kind- before yoinking myself into the air. Onto the next crook.
...at least I would have been, if not for my Spider-Sense warning me to dodge or die! Which, not as easy to do in midair as you might think, even for someone with super genetics like me. Point is, I narrowly avoided getting hit by a couple blasts of fire, which thankfully dissipated against the nearby building. (I definitely do not want to deal with the city being on fire again!)
"I finally found you again, villain!"
Oh great, this bozo!
"Dude, really? What part of 'friendly neighborhood Spider-Girl' isn't registering for you?" I tried to shoot some webbing at those gauntlets he wears, maybe gunk up their works and force him to rely on close combat (kind of a lateral move, if I'm being honest, but at least I'm better at dodging punches/hammer strikes/whatever than I am projectiles.), but he just crossed his arms so my webs hit the sides of the gauntlets instead of straight on.
Dang.
"Keeping a poor soul from getting in their own car doesn't seem very heroic to me!"
...ok, this guy clearly got dropped on his head at some point.
"He had a crowbar!" I pointed out, ducking out of the way out his hammer, "Why would he need a crowbar to get into his own car?"
"He could have lost his keys!"
This guy, I tells ya…
"Look-" I jumped back before my face ran into his hammer. "-I'm not a bad guy! I've literally spent the last two years trying to keep this city safe from the actual bad guys!" With varying degrees of success, but he doesn't need to know that. "What do I need to say to convince you?"
He switched over to his shooty gauntlets (which actually reminded me of the ones that Yang girl I met a while back used) and I had to leap out of the way before he got lucky. "Your efforts to deceive me are in vain, Spider; my mind is an impregnable fortress, impervious to the lies of criminals such as yourself!"
On reflex, I said "Well then- Hey, look; a distraction!", which had never actually worked when I tried to use it on-
"Where?" he demanded and instantly whirled around to look for the nonexistent distraction.
...I have no words.
That said, I wasn't going to let this opportunity go to waste. I shot a web line at a nearby trash can, tugging it over to me. Then, after tossing the contents off to the side, I turned it upside down and slammed it on top of Edge Boi's head, using a bit of webbing to keep it in place.
Thank you, funny online videos!
"What trickery is this?" He tried to tug the can off, but my webbing is pretty tough stuff. Granted, it'll dissolve on its own in a couple hours, but for now, this should keep "the Huntsman" busy while I scarper.
"You know, I'd love to stay and chat," I said sarcastically, "but...places to go, people to see. Typical superhero stuff." With that, I pulled myself into the air and started swinging away, leaving Bozo the clown to his own devices.
But for real though, this knucklehead is gonna be the death of me if this keeps going. I need to know what his deal is, then maybe I can figure out how to make him stop harassing me.
And I know just the person who can help me with that!
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
"...and that's basically the long and short of it," I explained, "so if you wouldn't mind check to see what you have on this Huntsman guy, that'd be super great!"
For a moment, Tiger Queen said nothing back.
"...alright, that seems doable."
I mentally fistpumped.
"It should only take a moment to pull up what I have on him," she said, "though if I may ask-"
"No I haven't tried 'doing nothing' yet," I cut her off; I think we all knew where that question was headed. "And before you offer some sagely wisdom about how I should handle this, I just want to know what all my options before I try anything." Then a thought occurred to me. "...sorry if that sounded rude."
"Apology accepted."
For the next couple minutes, neither of us said anything. TQ was probably searching through her supercomputer database or whatever, but I was mulling over my situation from the past few days. Was doing nothing really the right call with the fiasco at school? Or with the Huntsman? The former I still had no clue about, but hopefully, I'd have some insight for the latter in just a bit.
"Hmm...that's odd…"
Uh oh...that didn't sound like a good phrase…
"What's odd?" I asked.
"According to my sources, he doesn't exist."
…is she freaking kidding me right now?
"Are you freaking kidding me right now? ...no offense."
"None taken. And no, I'm not kidding; aside from his antics recently, there's apparently been no one who ever went by 'The Huntsman' as their alias, villain or otherwise." She continued, "Granted, that's just everything I can access immediately; I'll need some time to tap other sources that may have the information I lack at present."
"...how much time?" I asked apprehensively.
"I don't know, it could take as long as a week, or it could have the information in a few hours if luck is on my side. Either way, I'd advise you not to hold your breath on the matter. I'll be sure to contact you as soon as anything comes up."
I sighed, not even bothering to hide my disappointment. "Thanks anyway, TQ." Then I ended the call.
Ugh, this is just not my week, is it?
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
School the next day passed in mostly a blur, which didn't really clear up until los trés Amigas we're having a late lunch at Four Guys.
"...must you slurp your milkshake like that?" Kara bemoaned, her eyebrow doing that twitchy thing.
"Sorry," I said, taking one last sip for good measure. "It's just…" I couldn't think of the right words to describe my funk, so I started gesturing. Maybe my body could articulate what my mind couldn't.
"Look on the bright side," Arryn said; she had a fry hanging out of her mouth like a cigarette, "no one really bothered you at school today. That's an improvement, right?"
"I guess so…," I relented. "Come to think of it...I didn't feel Jen glaring holes in my back either."
"And that's another improvement."
"It seems taking the time to clear up the matter personally was the right call." Kara put a hand on my shoulder, smiling gently. "I'm proud of you for defusing things like you did."
I blinked. "...ok, who are you and why do you sound so much like my mom?"
Arryn spoke up next. "What about that Huntsman guy, how're you gonna deal with him?"
"That...I don't know," I sighed, "I'm hoping that Tiger Queen finds something out before I see him again. He's just so...ugh!" I let my head "thunk!" down on the table, "And I thought Edgy McEdgepants was trying too hard to seem cool…"
"...you mean Kuroyuri, right?"
"That's what I said: Edgy McEdgepants."
Arryn looked like she wanted to protest my completely accurate nickname for the Mistral district's antihero, but all of a sudden my Spider Sense went off.
And it wasn't just a little thing, either. It was more like an "OHMYGODGETDOWNRIGHTTHEHECKNOWIFYOUDONTWANTTODIE!" kinda thing.
"Duck!" I shouted, pulling my friends under our table right before the front of the establishment exploded. (Sturdy tables are kind of a city-wide mandate for obvious reasons.)
Well...more accurately something burst through the wall the sent debris flying.
And no, it wasn't a certain fruit juice mascot that stood menacingly in the new opening.
"Belladonna!" a mechanically amplified voice called out from what looked like a giant metal Minotaur, crossed with a tiny bit of gorilla. I called it compensating for something. The media called him "The Bull".
To Arryn, who was trying to shrink down beside me, he was someone who couldn't let the past go.
"I know you're here, Belladonna; you can't keep running from me forever, eventually you have to answer for your actions!"
Going over the backstory of these two would take too long to explain, so all I'll say is that they had a...complicated falling out, and Garret Taurus is a sore loser.
And somehow he got a mech suit (with the head of a bull) along the way.
Welp, looks like it's time for an intervention from our friendly neighborhood-
"Stop right there, villain scum!"
...oh, you have got to be actually kidding me; he's here too? Hashtag just my freaking luck.
The "nose" of the bull head "flared" open, letting out some kind of exhaust as Tiny swung around to face the Huntsman. I actively tune out their banter to check on my friends.
"You guys ok?" I whispered.
"I think so," Kara responded, Arryn nodding in agreement (though she still looked a little pale), "What about you?"
"A bit frazzled, but nothing I haven't been through before. Think you two can make sure everyone else is safe while I do a quick change?"
"Not a problem." Kara then led Arryn toward the back of the joint, gathering other patrons along the way, all the while Taurus was focused on the little puissant clearly going through a phase, which allowed me the chance to put on my tights, so to speak. ...in that I literally tugged on my Spider Suit.
When I was ready, the two of them were already fighting out in the street. I quickly shot a web to a manhole cover and gave a mighty yank, sending it crashing into the back of Taurus's head.
"I know there's a golden opportunity for a joke about being 'bullheaded', but can we all just agree that such low hanging fruit is beneath us?"
Nailed it.~
"What are you doing here, Spider?" Huntsman grunted as he knocked Taurus back with an upward swing of his [remarkably sturdy, now that I think about it] hammer, "I don't have time to deal with two villains today; you'll just have to wait your turn."
...deep blue ocean, Linds, deep blue ocean…
"I'm here to help you, Hammer Pants!" I shot back, "This psycho isn't anything to sneeze at, even I have trouble with him, normally."
Eh...I'm not really feeling that nickname for him. I'll keep workshopping it.
I leapfrogged over the mechanical bovine as he tried to charge me down.
...what?
"So how about you stop treating me like the worst thing ever so we can stop this ACTUAL bad guy from hurting more people? Enemy of my enemy, and all that jazz?"
For a moment, it looked like Wonder Boy (EH...too positive) might've been considering my suggestion.
Buuut of course, I couldn't spare any time to wait around for an answer, Arryn's Ex decided he still wanted to unalive me.
"Why do you always get in my way, insect?" he shouted, trying to pummel me with his mech's gorilla fists. Of course, being the nimble doge of a superhero that I am, and being in possession of almost precognitive reflexes, he didn't really succeed.
"How about we call it bad influence from a cartoon rabbit?" I jumped over a punch that would've turned me into Spider paste, yoink a newspaper off of a stand (I'll pay for it once Tiny is dealt with) and webbed it over the "eyes" of the mech suit before jumping back to the ground, where I proceeded to web one of his legs to another building. Then I whistled, and he started to charge at me again...only to trip and fall flat on his face.
Ain't I a stinker?~
...I only got a fraction of a second's warning from my Spider Sense before a net wrapped around me. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, since I could just have changed size to get out of it...but this one also had the added pleasure of carrying an electric current through the braids. Must have been a new addition, cuz this didn't happen the last time I fought him.
Tl;dr, I couldn't control my breathing with my nervous system on the fritz like this.
"This is the end, insect!" Tiny bellowed, "Belladonna is going to answer for what she did, whether she wants to or not!" He started to pick himself up, the bull head on his mech suit retracting back, revealing his ugly mug in the process (and shredding the newspaper in the process), a very prominent burn scar visible over his left eye. "I'm going to enjoy squishing you under my-!"
Suddenly, and completely unexpected, an increasingly familiar hammer impacted right in Tiny's center mass, sending him realign back.
"Hands off the Spider, bull man!" The Huntsman growled.
Aw!~ That's so-
"She's my arch enemy, so I'm the one who's going to defeat her!"
...aaaaand it's gone. There was a moment happening, and he killed it.
He then hooked the end of the shaft through one of the loops of the net and tugged it off me. Thank gawd! Having your entire nervous system spasm involuntarily is not a pleasant feeling, let me tell you!
"I normally wouldn't even consider lending aid to a notorious criminal such as yourself, but just this once I'll make an exception to deal with the larger threat."
This was probably the best deal I was going to get right now, so I elected to just keep the horse and say "Fine, then can you keep Tiny busy for a minute? I need to set something up."
"I can," he nodded and rushed forward to engaging the raging, metal bull man once more.
While he did that, I made with setting up my brilliant plan. Phase 1 was tripping him up again, so I started shooting webs across the road, the different strands melting into each other with how they were all overlapping each other. It wasn't the prettiest trap, but it was strong enough to get the job done.
Next, I needed to get Tiny's attention again. Fortunately, there were the remains of a canopy overhang (that probably looked great on whatever store it belonged to before this happened) nearby that was perfect for the job. I grabbed it, then made one more web line across the road to stand on before I called out "Looking for me, Taurus?"
I made sure to condescendingly wave my makeshift red cape to further drive home the obvious joke.
"Toro, toro!"
Needless to say, he took exception to that, swatting Huntsboi (Ugh, still no good…) away as he charged at me again, exhaust flaring from the nostrils of his bull head. Of course, I leaped out of the way at the last second, which meant that he didn't notice the tripwire I'd laid down, causing him to perform an epic faceplant on the pavement. There was even a little trench as he skidded a few yards forward from the inertia.
"Olé!~"
And now for Phase 3, the part I was least looking forward to… I quickly called back to the Huntsman "Get the power core!" before inhaling and growing 5 times my normal size, getting the minotaur-like mech suit into a headlock.
For the record, the Power Core in question was the big, glowing circle right on his chest, completely impossible to miss.
And to his credit, My Teenage Power Fantasy (Nah; too misleading) bounded over and punched right into core, yanking out a bunch of internal components.
I felt Taurus's suit go limp a few seconds later.
"Nice job," I panted once I extricated myself from underneath the heavy metal suit and returned to normal size, "Now that I've proved that I'm not a bad guy, you think you can lay off the whole 'attacking me on sight' thing, maybe?"
He rubbed his chin- Wait...does he actually need to think about this?
"Well," he grunted, "considering that you managed to be some small help to me taking this mechanical menace down-"
I DID MOST OF THE WORK, YOU JERK!
"-I suppose it's the least I can do to thank you."
...my eyebrow was twitching so much, I thought it was going to fall off my face.
"...you're so welcome…"
He said some edgy spiel that I didn't bother paying attention to before flying off or something; I was too miffed to care at this point. ...to think, after all that, he has the gall to think that he was the ultimate victor here? UGH, if I never see that annoying, egotistical…!
Sigh, never mind that now; I should probably check on Kara and Arryn and the other people in Four Guys. Poor Arryn, I hope she wasn't too scared by this ordeal...
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
I eventually made my way home, saying hi to Mom real quick before heading up to my room; after the emotional journey I just went on, I need, like, a week to sleep this off and recharge my batteries,
For real though, if I ever hear the words "giant mechanical bull" again, it'll be too-
"You should really check your cookie stash more often; these have gone stale."
"GYAH!" No sooner had I opened my door than I suddenly found myself sticking to the ceiling, desperately trying to catch my breath; a figure who I hadn't seen in a good while was just casually lounging on my bed, reading my X-ray & Vav comics, and eating some of my Emergency Rations™ like it weren't no thang.
Rain, a seemingly immortal version of me. The dusty clothes gave it away.
"Yo…," she said, not even looking up from the comic as she took another bite of cookie.
"...what the heck are you doing in my room?" I demanded once I could words again, "...oh gawd, is this another multiverse thing? Is my world gonna disappear?" Not wanting, you know, everything to stop existing, I dropped back down to the floor and grabbed the ancient girl by the shoulders. "Please tell me there's not gonna be some kind of interdimensional invasion that wipes out all of humanity!"
"...there's not gonna be some kind of interdimensional invasion that wipes out all of humanity," she deadpanned.
I let out a massive sigh of relief; once a lifetime was about all I can take for that kinda thing.
"Trust me, if something like that was happening, you'd have known about it before I showed up," she assured me.
"Yeah, speaking of which…" I quickly webbed my cookies back (I'd have to rethink my cookie hiding measures after this…) and popped one in my mouth. "...whah uh yuh herwe en they fust pwef?"
"To say hi."
...yeah, for some reason I'm not buying it.
Apparently, Rain didn't feel like keeping up her own lie either, cuz she sighed. "Alright, fine; I took a little peek into your world's future to see how you're holding up after everything, and...I came to deliver a warning and help you be ready."
Aw, balls! I just knew something was wrong…!
"First off, your mother has been messing around with Carmine's remote device."
Swallow.
"Aw grapes!" I moaned, "She promised me she'd leave that alone..."
Maybe another cookie will help ease the pain...
"Don't worry, I... removed it while she wasn't looking. Instead, I left a few custom blueprints for her to play around with. If I were you, I'd be looking forward to having some new tech for your suit very soon."
"While I'm happy to have more toys, I'm still concerned about why I would need them in the first place..."
"Oh, it's nothing world ending," she continued, "but it is something you'll need to actively be on your guard against."
In the middle of my third cookie, I stopped chewing.
Then I swallowed the bite. "...like what?"
"Something you've faced before," she explained, "I'd explain, but that's not how this all works. You'll have to figure the rest out on your own, I'm afraid."
...was she kidding me right now?
"Are you kidding me right now?" I exclaimed, tossing my cookies onto the desk. "That's all the warning I get? You might as well have just said 'bing tiddle-tiddle bong' for all the good your cryptic warning is gonna do me!" I flopped face first onto my bed; hopefully, when I lifted my head back up I'd be the only occupant of my room.
Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. "You're a smart kid. I trust you to figure it out." The hand lifted. "By the way...I'm keeping the cookies. They're pretty tasty."
"...hey!" I sprung back up to snatch my cookies back, only to find that I was indeed the only person left in my room.
Dang it! Those cookies were tasty, even if they were a tad bit stale…
So...I'm smart enough to figure this out on my own, huh? Well then, I guess I'd better-
"Lindsay, sweetie? I made strawberry pancakes for dinner!~"
...riiight after a quick bite to eat.~
"I'm sure nothing will go wrong during dinner…"
fin.
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
And there you have it, folks: another Spider-Ruby tale in the bag! This one was a little tough to write since I wasn't quite sure how I wanted to wrap things up with The Huntsman (who will be returning eventually, you can count on that!), but I eventually managed to squeak something out.
Also, did any of you like the cameo from Rain, the immortal version of Ruby Rose from Paradigm of the Rose? I sorta couldn't resist adding her at the last minute. (Also, go check out Paradigm of the Rose. It's gud.)
Next time...well, I hope you like escort missions. Until then, leave a Review and tell me your thoughts on the chapter, Fav & Follow to keep up with chapter releases, and above all, stay safe, and be Excellent to each other.