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Jiana: Let's find out in this chapter! (And the next one)
Guest: Too much... Too much happened. A lot more will happen.
Note
English isn't my native language but I'm trying my best. Do tell me about reoccurring error's so I can implement and improve wherever needed. Tell me what you think or theorize in the comments, they always inspire me.
To protect
A thunderstorm raged outside his bedroom window as Botan was awoken from her dreamless slumber. The rain clattered mercilessly against the glass as gusts of wind sang in unison.
The loud bang of thunder had woken her, now she laid motionless on her back, listening to the turmoil going on outside.
A soft whimper made her turn. Kurama had turned on his back, his breathing unusually fast.
"Kurama." Botan whispered as she propped herself up on her elbows. Scooting over to Kurama, his eyes tightly shut and his jaw clenched, his features would occasionally twitch as he groaned in his sleep.
'Nightmare?' She thought. Botan was about to try and wake him up before a loud bang, louder than bombs, made the windows rattle in their frames. With a sudden shout, Kurama shot up to a sitting position, his face glistening with beats of sweat as he fisted the blanket until his knuckles went white.
Botan laid her hand on his shoulder, he jumped under her touch with a startled gasp but relaxed a bit after seeing her.
"Hi." He said breathlessly as he trembled slightly.
"It was just a dream." Botan whispered, assuming he had experienced a nightmare of some sort. Running her hand through his hair to soothe him. "What did you see?" She asked.
Kurama shook his head softly as he raised a hand to his face to gently rub his eyes. "I don't know.." He took a few deep breaths before lowering himself back onto the pillow. Botan followed him, resting her head on his shoulder as she nuzzled into the croak of his neck. A soft kiss was planted on the top of her head before two arms held her close.
They laid awake in a warm embrace as the storm raged, lightning sneaking past the edges of the curtains as they predicted the next rumbling noise.
"Did you know that the amount of seconds between the lightning and the thunder indicates how far away it is?" Kurama spoke suddenly.
Botan looked up. "No, I didn't know that."
A flash of lightning initiated the count. "One. Two. Three. Four. Fi-" Thunder interrupted his count. "About five kilometers away." Kurama chuckled. "Seems it's getting closer."
They counted together a couple of times before there was barely no time between the lightning and the thunder.
"I won't be able to sleep with this noise." Botan sighed.
"Neither can I." Kurama smiled, softly stroking Botan's shoulder as she nuzzled deeper into his neck. His bedroom television caught his eye. "Wanna watch a movie?"
"Are you crazy? It's 3am!" Botan laughed. "Of Course I want to watch a movie."
"I might be a bit crazy, but so are you." Kurama planted another kiss on her head. "That's why I love you." Kurama reached over to his nightstand where the remote was located. Botan shifted to a position where she was able to see the television.
Loud booms of thunder fell on deaf ears as they flipped through a list of movies, finally settling on a light comedy. Keeping each other warm, Botan felt her eyes beginning to droop halfway through.
"Sleep." Kurama whispered as he tightened his embrace. Botan hummed under her breath in agreement, she was gone before he knew it.
Kurama laid awake, holding his lover close to him as she slept.
…
She looked him dead in the eyes, the sharp edge of the blade pressed against her neck. She tried to back away from it but the incubus prevented her from moving. Botan felt tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she saw the feared expression of the others as they jumped into action.
Her eyes met his once again and she gasped, whimpering as Uranrel yelled something while pressing the blade further against her skin.
Those eyes, they weren't his. He was looking at her with a distant glare, it unnerved her. She softly called out his name as Uranrel kept pushing the blade tighter to her throat, scratching the surface of her frail skin. Her soft call turned into a plea.
The forest green eyes she adored, the ones she sought out when she felt lonely or scared, were gone. Replaced by those of a stranger. An unfamiliar and threatening aura filled the room, fear consumed her as she saw Hiei unsheathe his sword while Kuwabara pulled Yusuke away. They must have sensed it too.
One more time, she whimpered his name before a loud crack was heard. The disk was broken in half. Botan's eyes widened as she didn't even see Kurama move. 'He didn't break it, it could not have been him.' Botan thought as she frantically thought of an alternative. Her heart raced and she focused on Kurama again.
Something had changed. She shouted in fear as she felt how the threatening energy swallowed the room. She saw his eyes change. Forest green disappeared and was replaced by an ominous purple. Botan had not the time to see more of it, to take in its details before the bright emeralds returned, though a mere shadow of what they used to be before he fell to his knees.
The clattering sound of the disk hitting the ground acted like a catalyst for the upcoming silence. It was deafening as they all stood and stared. Kurama sat on his knees, hunched forwards as he wrapped his arms around his torso, his bangs falling over his face like a veil.
"What the-" Yusuke mouthed silently as he freed himself from Kuwabara's grasp.
Botan stood frozen, the knife hadn't moved but she heard the soft vibrations in Uranrel's breathing. She shivered, breathing in softly and breathing out steadily with the lightest of noise.
Kurama, however, heard this terrified noise.
As if a switch was turned on, Kurama snapped his head towards her captor. Botan caught a glimpse of purple, something told her to close her eyes, to not look. So that is what she did.
Hiei held his katana in front of him, unsure who to point it towards as he hovered his eyes over the two incubi. He wanted to jump in front of Kurama as he fell to his knees but the energy signature which bounced off of him halted Hiei, so he stayed near Yusuke and Kuwabara. He saw Uranrel's hand shake as he forced Botan back. Xinlan had retreated to the wall after sensing the danger. For the first time in a long while, Hiei felt a sense of fear when approaching Kurama.
He turned to see Yusuke had freed himself from Kuwabara's grasp and seemed just as confused as he. Sharp ears heard Botan inhale and exhale with the slightest of tremors in her breath. Hiei stiffened as Kurama's head shot up towards Uranrel, a surge of energy reemerging. This time, however, it wasn't all over the room.
Hiei saw Botan close her eyes tightly and he knew she had seen something, something he himself hadn't seen yet.
Uranrel backed up further towards the wall as Kurama's head jerked up to face him. Hiei saw how Uranrel stiffened, his eyes locked with Kurama's. A shadow crept towards his feet and he yelped, pushing Botan away from him, she landed on the floor with a pained cry. This triggered whatever had been creeping up on Uranrel.
A fast amount of dark energy made its way to the incubus. Hiei followed the shadow to see it connect to Kurama's own shadow. As Uranrel was backing up, Hiei made a move to get to Botan.
Kurama flinched, his hand reaching for the space between them and Hiei froze as a second shadow shot his way. He backed up just in time to not come into contact. Hiei eyed the black mass, a purple glow illuminating its edges.
"I've seen this before." Hiei said quickly. Backing up towards the other two.
"What?" Kuwabara's hands hovered above the ground as he thought. "The divarication.." He concluded.
"Indeed." Hiei nodded.
"But why us?" Yusuke chimed in. "We're on his side!"
"He's protecting Botan." Kuwabara's eyes widened and he waved at Botan, who sat completely still, afraid to move. "Stay there!" He said in a stern yet soft voice. "You'll be okay, just stay there."
A sudden yelp redirected everyone's focus on Uranrel, who had been driven towards the wall, the divarication finally replacing the ground under his feet. Xinlan looked on in horror as his boss's life energy was sucked away from his being with an angered shout from Kurama.
His body hit the floor, twitching once or twice before falling completely still.
Kurama was still on his knees, supporting himself with one hand while the other was outstretched towards the space between Botan and the others. His bangs still covered his face as he dropped his head again. Hiei sheathed his sword as he saw the divarication move towards them, forcing them against the wall.
"Kurama!" Yusuke yelled. "Hey bud, we would appreciate it if you'd stop this."
They backed up as far as they could, the shadow coming closer and closer. A sudden cry made them turn towards the source. Botan was screaming at him, she was screaming at Kurama for him to stop what he was doing, what had gotten into him.
Her ranting seemed to be getting through to him as the divarication stopped spreading, slowly retreating back towards Kurama.
In a flash, the shadow had retreated completely and the foreign energy disappeared. As if released from a chokehold, Kurama hunched forward, breathing heavily as he clutched one hand over his chest.
Botan took this time to sprint towards Kuwabara, launching herself into his arms as she sobbed, the fear finally getting to her.
As soon as the energy disappeared, Hiei made his way towards Xinlan, grabbing him by his collar as he tried to approach Uranrel's body.
"You knew about this, didn't you?!" Hiei spat as he lifted the incubus off of his feet.
"I didn't, I really didn't." Xinlan said quickly, his hands grasping Hiei's forearm. "I don't want any other trouble, please, just go."
Hiei scoffed as he dropped Xinlan on the ground. "You're lucky we can't use our spirit energy around Kurama, but then again, I can easily decapitate you right here and now." He reached for his sword. "Or are you willing to share your information with us?"
"It was all Uranrel's plan." Xinlan began hastily. "That disk was an artifact made by one of our clan members decades ago, it was used to seal something away but we never knew what. We sensed it when the first artifact was broken and made our way there to collect it but found it missing." Xinlan halted to catch his breath but continued soon after. "We connected the dots and found out the disk was kept inside the spirit world vault. After sensing some energy prints we found one of the sources belonging to the deity. We used her to get into the vault and took her as bait so we could figure out who of you stole it. Uranrel was the one behind it, I was just following orders. Please." Xinlan pleaded.
Another scoff escaped Hiei as he tightened his grip on the sword's handle. He was halfway through unsheathing it when Kuwabara called out.
"He gave us information, Hiei. Keep your promises." He said angrily, arms still around Botan.
"Today really is your lucky day, isn't it?" Hiei sheathed his sword with a fast motion, making Xinlan flinch. "If I see you again, you're a dead man."
"T-thank you.." Xinlan sighed softly, his body still tense.
Hiei took a few steps back before completely turning away from him, making his way towards the corpse laying on the other side of the room. Using his foot, he pushed it onto its back.
"Is he.." Yusuke was halfway across the room, also making his way to the dead incubus.
"Yes." Hiei pressed his lips in a thin line as he watched it. "It's like.. His life energy got sucked out of him, he has no visible wounds, nothing."
Yusuke hummed under his breath as he reached the corpse, squatting down to get a better view. "Yeah he's drained alright." He clicked his tongue before standing back up again. He detected movement from the corner of his eye.
Kurama stood, or was trying to. He rubbed his temples with his hands as he rose to his feet. A quick sprint allowed Yusuke to be next to him, lending him a steadying hand as he tried to find his balance.
"Dude." Yusuke began. "What just happened? You completely zoned out."
Shaking away the dizziness, Kurama answered him. "I'm just as confused as you are. What happened?"
"You drained that son of a bitch without even touching him." Yusuke said, baffled. "I don't know how you did it, but you did it."
"It wasn't you." Hiei spoke, suddenly.
"Then who was it?" Yusuke laughed awkwardly. "I'm pretty sure I saw Kurama do it."
Hiei pointed at the broken disk laying at their feet. "That.."
Picking the disk up from the ground, Yusuke tightened the fabric around it. "We should probably get this back to Koenma."
Kurama took a deep breath. "Let's just go, we're done here." He turned to see Botan standing with Kuwabara, visibly distraught. He made a move to approach her but stopped as he saw her take a step back. "Understood." He nodded before leaving the room on his own. Yusuke followed shortly after to catch up to him.
Kuwabara watched them leave, the disk firmly under Yusuke's arm as he followed the redhead. Without saying a word, Botan left his side to follow Yusuke. He eyed Hiei in confusion and started after them. The hallways, which were previously filled with succubi and incubi, were eerily quiet, the demons backing away as they passed them. They must have sensed it too. Kurama was already halfway, Yusuke walking promptly behind him.
Botan took a small sprint to catch up. "Hang on for one fucking minute!" She yelled at Kurama as they stepped outside. "I don't know what's going on and why this is happening but I demand answers." She said in a stern voice as she walked next to Kurama. He didn't look at her, his gaze focused on the road ahead.
"Not now, Botan." Kurama dismissed her.
"You always tell me to wait, you lied to me, why?!" Botan kept pushing, trying to get into his field of vision. Kurama, however, didn't look at her.
Yusuke walked behind them. "I can expl-"
"This is between us so it's none of your business, stay out of it." Botan hissed before returning to the matter at hand, pulling on Kurama's sleeve. "Why is it so hard to tell me the truth?!"
Yusuke retreated, he wanted to explain it to her but seeing her distress made him cautious about what he'd say to her.
"Rather have Kurama handle this?" Kuwabara said from behind him, panting as he ran after them.
Yusuke nodded. "I don't want to get my nose into their relationship, she expects answers from Kurama, won't take any of our interpretations I suppose."
"It'll only tick her off more." Hiei chimed in.
"I do understand her frustration though." Kuwabara said, earning him a confused look from Yusuke. "I mean, we didn't tell her anything, she got kidnapped by an incubus of all demons and saw Kurama drain the life out of one of them. I would've been eager to get some answers too if I were in her shoes." He watched as Botan swarmed around Kurama, trying to gain his attention only to be shaken off.
They stopped in front of the portal.
"Take Botan to Koenma. Make sure she's safe." Kurama said.
Botan gave a furiated growl. "I don't believe you!" She banged her fist against his chest. "You said you'd tell me everything when you can. Well, you can now. My captors were right, you're lying to me, again!" Another hit against his ribcage. "You're hiding things from me even though we promised to not keep any secrets." Another hit. "Do you not care about me?!" And another.
Kurama looked at her with somber eyes as she repeatedly slammed her fists against his chest. He waited for her to either calm down or exhaust herself before pulling her into an embrace. She fought against it but Kurama held on tight, unwilling to let her go.
"Calm down." He said softly. Botan protested, repeating how he lied to her, how he didn't tell her anything.
"I wanted to tell you as soon as I can.." He said.
"Then why don't you now?" She said, clutching the fabric of his shirt tightly in her hands.
"Because I'm as confused as you are. I don't know what happened and I need to see Genkai so I can figure out what is going on." He said honestly.
Kuwabara watched as Botan fought against him but eventually gave in. Nodding silently as a meaning of understanding.
"I'm coming with you." Botan said suddenly.
Kurama was silent for a while before he nodded softly. "Okay."
…
Crossing over to human world was easy. Kuwabara and Yusuke were the first to enter, followed by Botan, Kurama and Hiei. Usually, the animals inhabiting the forest around Genkai's temple became accustomed to their presence. When Kurama entered through the portal however, the creatures disappeared, running for an unseen predator.
Genkai was already awaiting them in the courtyard, she stood when they approached. "That was quite quick for your standards." She said as Yusuke came out from behind the trees.
"Shut it grandma." He held the disk out towards her. "We have a problem."
Taking the wrapped disk, Genkai lifted some of the cloth to see what had been handed to her. Her expression didn't seem to change as she looked at it and covered it again. "Where did you get this?" She asked.
"The incubi had it, this is what they stole, this is what we had to retrieve together with Botan." She said sourly. "And if Koenma even dares to bitch about it being broken, I'll personally shove it up his ass."
By now everyone had set foot onto the courtyard. Kuwabara looked around, white papers catching his eye. "What are those?"
"Talisman." Genkai answered. "They allow dark energy to come in, but prevents it from going out."
With this, Kurama walked past them towards the temple. "I'll be inside then." He said before entering.
"You're trapping Kurama in?" Yusuke asked.
"Yes." Genkai tightened her grip on the disk. "Until we know how to handle this, I propose he stays here."
"A-about that..." Botan took a few steps forward, her fingers nervously fidgeting with the fabric of her Kimono.
Genkai smiled at her. "Botan, I'm glad you're safe. You're not hurt, are you?"
"No master Genkai." Botan shook her head. "But I've not yet been updated about all this. I have some questions and I hoped you'd have some answers for me." She asked shyly.
"Ofcourse." Genkai nodded. "That's completely understandable. Please, join me inside for a warm cup of tea."
…
They had entered the temple as the sun began to set, Genkai led them to one of her rooms and left to get some tea, returning with a big tray of cups. Hiei sitting at the windowsill as the others were seated around the low table.
"Now." She said, kneeling down in front of the table and laying the disk onto its wooden surface. "What's this?"
Yusuke was about to stand when Genkai stopped him. "Where are you going?" She asked.
"Well I guess we need Kurama to answer those kinds of questions, right?" Yusuke said as he stood.
"No need." Genkai waved him off. "I have enough time to talk to him in person, I sensed there is something on his mind so I suggest leaving him alone for a little bit. Get your sorry ass back down before I tie you down."
Yusuke opened his mouth but closed it as he met Genkai's warning eyes. He sat down with a sigh.
Genkai took a sip of tea before continuing. "Tell me, what's this and why are you in trouble?"
Kuwabara shook his head slightly. "I don't know, but they wanted Kurama to break it."
"But he didn't break it." Botan interrupted softly, kneading the fabric of her kimono.
A sigh escaped Yusuke as he leaned forward slightly, his head leaning on his hands. "Of course he broke it, how else did it snap in half! I clearly saw it in his hands, next thing we know it's snapped through the middle like a rice cracker."
"He didn't break it." Botan repeated.
"He did." Yusuke countered. "You saw it yourself, he snapped it in half."
Botan was about to speak again when Genkai raised her voice. "I don't care who broke it, tell me what this thing is and why you're in trouble."
Kuwabara swallowed thickly. "They said something about releasing it, when it broke, the energy flowing out of it was like.."
"Like the energy you sensed in demon world?" Genkai asked, coaxing him to finish his sentence.
"Yes." Kuwabara nodded absently.
"Demon world?" Botan was puzzled with what she was hearing. "Do you mean that weekend you spent in demon world to investigate that missing tribe?"
"Indeed." Kuwabara nodded again.
A shiver ran up Botan's spine. "Master Genkai." She began but didn't have to finish her question for Genkai already knew what she was about to ask.
"Their trip to demon world wasn't just to investigate a missing tribe." Genkai confessed. "When Koenma heard of the strange event, he remembered an old story and saw a resemblance in the patterns from the story and the disappearance."
"Resemblances?" Botan thought out loud. "What caused it?"
"Owaranai Yami." Genkai cupped the porcelain with both hands. "Or Yami in short. He was a demon who sought out power. He found a source and used it to fuel his own desire to become stronger. When Enma caught word of this, he sent a spirit detective who eventually managed to seal it in three different artifacts. Enma ordered they be scattered in all three worlds, that way, it would be impossible to find all three as demons couldn't travel to human world and vice versa."
"So the only way to collect all three would be to have connections to spirit world and access to all worlds." Kuwabara concluded.
"As a spirit detective." Genkai nodded.
Botan's eyes widened. "The demons who captured me did say something about 'it' not attaching to any other energy other than demon energy."
Genkai raised an eyebrow. "I already concluded that it's not possible to contain two types of dark energy. Hiei's dragon is considered dark energy which might explain why it didn't attach to him as we intended."
"Wait, Hiei doesn't have it?" Botan unknowingly held a breath.
"That should've been clear by now, right?" Hiei spat, still staring out of the window.
A warning glare was thrown at him from the old psychic. "Taking in account both Hiei and Kurama possess demon energy, Yusuke didn't interact with it and Kuwabara is human, it attached itself to Kurama. I don't know yet how it happened, but it happened."
"But he told me everything went well, he told me Hiei successfully absorbed it.." Botan said softly, feeling like she's been lied to for a longer period of time than she was expecting.
"We didn't know yet." Genkai shook her head. "We didn't know the transfer was unsuccessful."
"Then how?" Botan said shakily.
"He helped us navigate to our destination by manipulating his energy into the surrounding trees." Kuwabara looked at his hands which were neatly folded on his lap. "It's my fault this happened, I asked him to do it."
"This isn't the time to take blame." Genkai said harshly. "It happened, all we can do is deal with it and resolve this as soon as possible."
"You're right." Kuwabara's hands tightened around each other.
"Now." Genkai placed one hand on the disk. "What happened with this?"
Yusuke told her about the hallway, the fall into the basement and eventually what led up to the disk breaking. Kuwabara told his side while Botan stared at the artifact on the table.
"But it wasn't-" She whispered to herself.
"What makes you believe it wasn't him?" Yusuke said as he overheard her.
Botan released a shaky breath as she turned towards him. "You were all behind him when it happened. I was in front of him."
"What does that change?" Yusuke asked.
"Did you see something?" Kuwabara added.
Throwing a quick glance at the disk before she spoke. "I don't know how to explain it, I just wasn't him. Something in his face, his psyche, his eyes, they weren't his."
"How did it break?" Genkai crossed her arms.
Botan thought for a bit. "I don't know.."
"He couldn't have broken it." Hiei stepped in.
Yusuke tilted his head slightly. "Oh now you decide to speak up? He did break it, what's so hard to understand about that?"
Hiei rubbed the cloth on his forehead. "Then tell me, detective. How did he break the damn thing without even moving a muscle."
"Spirit energy, duh!" Yusuke chuckled a bit.
Hiei scoffed. "And what if that energy wasn't his?"
Yusuke opened his mouth to speak but was cut off as Hiei continued.
"What if he had no control over it?"
Silence...
Genkai nodded silently. "Yusuke." She started with a stern voice. "Take the oaf and the asshole with you and get out, I'll handle it from here on out."
Stretching his arms before getting up, Yusuke waited for Kuwabara before heading towards the door. "Keep us updated." Yusuke said, one hand holding the shoji open.
"If you want updates I suggest you come over to look for them yourself." Genkai stood and walked after them into the courtyard. Hiei sped up and aimed to jump into the nearest tree when he hit his head on the ceiling of what seemed to be the forcefield.
"The forcefield prevents dark energy from leaving, considering you possess dark energy you won't be able to leave like that." Genkai walked towards the border, creating an opening for them to pass through.
…
Kurama entered the guest room and closed the door behind him. A knot had settled in his stomach as he paced around the room.
His mind was spinning, his thoughts switching from Botan to the disk which he held in his hands, back to Botan and back to the disk as it broke before going back to Botan again. He remembered the fear in her eyes before a veil covered his, a sheer veil. He was aware of what he had done, he was aware he had drained one life to protect another.
Flares of energy had floated to the surface, a rush of what he'd thought to be misplaced adrenaline. Yet, the power, the strength, it felt… Good.
"No." He shook his head as he spoke to no-one but himself.
"Yes." A mocking voice pulled him out of his train of thoughts. Kurama whipped his head towards the door to find, no-one. There was no-one there, he was still alone. But how?
Suddenly, it spoke again. It wasn't his voice, nor was it Yoko's, this was an entirely different entity. Kurama looked around the room but found it empty.
"No, here." The voice continued.
It seemed to be coming from the mirror as Kurama approached it with caution.
"Did you like it?"
Kurama looked at himself in the mirror. He locked eyes with himself, as he did, his reflection didn't feel like his. "What are you?" Kurama said in his cold controlled voice.
"Tsk, what am I, you ask?" It scoffed. "A better question would be, who am I. The answer to that is 'you'. I am you."
"No you're not." Kurama said calmly.
"You are so good at fooling others, you're even fooling yourself."
"Elaborate." Kurama replied to his reflection.
"You're acting like you don't know what I'm talking about. Remember when you left your best friend to die, send a demon to blind your trusted ally. Deceived the woman who raised you like her own son the moment this body took its first breath. How you deceived and lied to the small deity you care about resulting in the succubi getting their filthy hands on her."
Kurama frowned, his lips pressed into a thin line, the corners of his mouth slightly downwards.
"You know I'm right." It continued. "I know how much you care for her. If it wasn't for me stepping in… Oh well, you know what happened. Did it feel good, the power?"
He kept silent, watching his reflection with a scowl.
"You know what I can do. You know what we can do. I can grant you the strength to protect what's most important to you."
"I'm not interested." Kurama said bluntly.
"Oh you will be."
Approaching footsteps made Kurama turn towards the door. He frowned before turning back to the mirror, the imposturous feeling gone as he looked at himself.
…
Genkai returned to the room where Botan was still seated.
"I hope you gained some understanding about all this. Not telling anyone was a choice we all agreed on and we would like it to stay like that." Genkai watched as Botan lowered her head. "Do not tell anyone about what's going on here, I don't want to cause any unnecessary panic in any of the three worlds. Besides, you've experienced what can happen when you gain knowledge about it. Am I understood?"
Botan nodded silently, her empty teacup on the table in front of her.
"Good." Genkai smiled. "Go to him." She said after a short silence.
"Can I?" Botan asked, lifting her head slightly.
"Of course you can see him before you go." Genkai mentioned towards the door leading to the hallway.
Botan followed her gaze and stood, making her way past the doors, stopping at the one Kurama would be behind. She knocked on the door three times before it opened.
She smiled as he looked at her, his expression saddening as he greeted her. She walked into the room and Kurama closed the door once more, his eyes upon his trembling hand as he stayed there for a couple of seconds, his back towards her and his head bent down slightly.
As if having made a decision, he walked past her and sat on the bed, his index finger and thumb kneading the bridge of his nose as he hunched forward.
Joining him onto the bed, she silently placed her hand on his back. She was about to speak when he beat her to it.
"I can't do this." He said softly, his head still bent.
"Of course you can." Botan said, her hand moving in a small circular motion on his shoulder blade.
"No I can't, Botan." He shook his head.
"We're all here to help you through it, I'm here to help you through it." She said.
"I'm not talking about that." He said softly as he finally looked at her.
His eyes were the windows to his soul yet Botan couldn't lay her finger on the issue. "W-what?" She said as she edged closer to him. "What are you talking about? We're all here for you."
"You don't understand.. I can't do it." He repeated. "I don't want anything to happen to you, I don't want to drag you down with me."
Botan was fishing for words. "You are not dragging me down, I'll be here to help you back up." She answered. "You're just scared, that's all."
Kurama shook his head. "It's not that I'm scared-"
"Then what is it?" Botan interrupted.
"I'm sorry." Was all he could say.
"I don't understand what you're trying to say." Botan shook her head. "What are you apologizing for?"
"Everything." Kurama answered shortly. "For everything. For lying to you, for not being there sooner."
"Stop." Botan leaned towards him. "It wasn't in your control."
"It was." He frowned, squeezing his hands together in frustration. "It was my fault and I should have been able to control it."
Botan was at a loss for words. "Back then.."
"That wasn't me, I don't know how but my body moved against my own command." Kurama sighed softly. "I don't know when it'll happen again and what it'll do next. I don't want you to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."
She swallowed heavily as she tried to bite back tears. "You're pushing me away." She said silently. "Don't you love me anymore?"
"Botan, I.." Kurama's eyes met hers. She could see the sadness buried deep within the emeralds. "I'd fight every human and demon, walk through the center of the earth for you. I-"
"Then why?" Botan felt the tears returning.
"Because I love you, Botan. So damn much. But I don't want anything to happen to you, I won't be able to forgive myself were something to happen to you under my watch." Kurama clasped his hands together on his lap. "I can't allow that."
"You're breaking up with me?" Her vision blurred by unshed tears.
Kurama quickly shook his head. "I'd never-"
"But you're pushing me away." Botan sobbed softly as she allowed the tears to run freely across her cheeks.
" Because I can't risk hurting you. I saw how scared you were, I don't ever want to scare you again. Ever."
He was silent for a bit, her sobs the only sound in the room. "You probably think I'm the biggest asshole alive." Kurama fought back his own tears as he saw her cry.
Botan shook her head silently, covering her face with her hands. She felt two arms wrap themselves around her sobbing form. Kurama had rested his head on her head and she felt his heart break as his breath started to hitch.
"I don't want to let you go." Kurama said in between breaths. "I don't want to lose you. But I can't drag you down with me, you don't deserve that."
…
They had moved outside, to the temple's courtyard where he held her tight for the last time in what he feared would be a long time. She felt so small in his embrace, so fragile. He had to protect her but he knew this was the only way to fully shield her from harm.
Botan sighed against his chest. "I should get going." She said sorrowfully.
Kurama nodded and planted a kiss on her forehead as they pulled away. She held his hand for a while, tracing the lines on them then turned her back towards him. She took a few steps towards the border before looking back. He just stood there, a sad smile paired with shiny emeralds.
Turning back, she launched herself back into his arms, the tears returning. "Please don't go." She sobbed. Although she was the one going, she felt like he was leaving her, taking a distance too far to reach ever again.
Arms wrapped around her again. "I won't, I'll be right here when everything is over, I promise." He whispered. "I love you more than anything, always remember that."
He pulled away slightly to see her face. Running his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the tears as they kept falling. He eventually gave up, letting his own sorrow show as he cupped her face, edging its shape into the memory of his palms.
He bent down slightly as they shared a farewell kiss. Kurama tried to smile as she mounted her oar, their hands releasing slowly, savoring every touch as she ascended into the starry sky.
"Go." Kurama smiled. "Go and don't look back. I'll be right here when all is over."
Botan nodded and painfully tore her eyes away from him as she departed.
Kurama watched her leave, waiting for her to be safely out of sight before he slowly dropped his smile. He covered his mouth as his heart painfully banged against his chest.
It took him a while before he had calmed down enough to go back inside, his eyes still bloodshot and burning as he walked through the hall. All doors were closed except for one.
"It's for the best." Genkai spoke as he passed her room.
"Yeah." Kurama said softly, not stopping to look at the old psychic. He entered his room and closed the door behind him.
As soon as he was alone, the voice spoke again, slightly amused. "Very impressive."
Kurama moved to stand in front of the mirror, his reflection staring back at him with the same bloodshot eyes. He turned away from it, undressing and sliding underneath the covers.
"Congratulations, you just earned yourself a new title, I hope you're proud of yourself." The voice continued.
"And what's that?" Kurama asked, uninterested as he turned his back to the room.
"Selfish."
Sad, a lot of this dialogue was taking from my own experience with breaks and breakups. It was so close to home. It always hurts to let someone you care about go because it's better for them. (I was the one being let go btw so don't come for me!)
See you in the next chapter! (OMG we're almost halfway 2021...)