In the deep freeze of a late January afternoon, Belle planted her chin in her upturned palm and gazed vacantly out at the frigid tundra falling away from the western wall of Royal Woods High. At the front of the room, a TV strapped to a wheeled cart played an ancient episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy, and even though Belle was fascinated with the show as a time capsule of the late '90s (did people really used to dress like that?) she couldn't concentrate on it for more than a few seconds before her mind began to wander. It was the last class of the day and she was always a little preoccupied by the time it rolled around, but today was worse. It was 10 degrees outside with a westerly wind that made it feel much colder. There was a snowstorm approaching over the Plains and it looked like it might hit overnight. Then again, it could track south and miss the area entirely. No one knew and that puzzled Belle. It's 2022 and everyone has a fancy Doppler 10,000 radar…yet they didn't know if a storm was going to go north or south until it actually went north or south.

What a crock.

Anyway, this would make the third snowstorm in as many weeks to pound the area. The first one dropped three inches over the weekend, and two days later, a much bigger one dumped another five. It was so cold that within hours, everything was frozen solid. The entire world was buried beneath a hard crust of icy death and walking anywhere was a fool's errand that invited pain, misery, and suffering…and that's before you slipped and busted your keister on the sidewalk.

When she was a little girl, Belle loved the snow. What kid doesn't? She would eagerly await snow days and spend hours outside, making snow angels, building snowmen, and skating on the frozen pond in Miller Park. Now, however, older and jaded with years, she had come to hate the stuff. She didn't have a hard and fast plan for life, be she kind of wanted to move somewhere warm, like Florida. Then again, Florida was in the thirties right now, so it wasn't as warm as it used to be.

Damned climate change.

This cold was starting to get to her, and as she gazed out at the frozen tundra, a vision began to take shape before her very eyes. A tropical paradise with sandy shores, lush jungles, and lapping waves. She saw herself in a grass skirt and flowery lei, stepping and moving her hips to a Hawwian melody.

Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way

To say Merry Christmas to you

Darn it. Even in her island wonderland it was winter.

The ringing of the bell stirred Belle from her reprieve. Everyone closed their books and got up to leave, a din of scraping chairs, rustling fabric, and squeaking shoes filling the room. Belle closed her book, slung her purse over her shoulder, and stood up. "Remember, everyone," the teacher called, "study chapter five tonight. It will be on your next test."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Belle passed the teacher's desk on her way out the door, and he called out to her. She turned to look at him and he motioned her over with his finger. The look on his face was not a happy one, and Belle's heart crept down into her stomach to hide. Ugh, what does he want? She walked up to the desk and he waited for the room to empty out before speaking. "I just graded your last test, the one on the periodic table. You got about 80 percent."

"Oh," Belle said, "that's good. I -"

"Wrong. You got 80 percent wrong."

Ouch.

"That's not so good," Belle said.

"No," he agreed, "it isn't. Luckily, you have one of the best teachers in the world, and he's going to let you retake the test."

Belle looked around. "Really? Where is he?"

He favored her with a blank stare. "Here. Right here. It's me."

"Oh," Belle said, "thank you."

"You really need to start taking this class more seriously if you want to pass it. No more gazing out the window and wishing it was warmer."

Belle blinked in surprise. How did he know she was thinking about it being warmer?

Seeing her confusion, he said, "Everyone's wishing it were warmer right about now." He sat back in his chair. "And if you want some advice….get a tutor."

Belle nodded. "Will do."

As soon as she was in the hallway, Belle threw her head back and kicked her feet. She didn't want a tutor. She didn't want to retake the stupid test. What good was knowing the periodic table going to do her in the day to day adult world? Half of the stuff they taught you in school went to waste anyway. All this advanced calculus, science, English - it was like training desert soldiers to fight in the snow. She understood that some subjects were vitally important; she wasn't advocating for no education at all, but a lot of this is excessive. If you want to become a scientist or engineer, you absolutely need advanced math courses, but if you're a regular old person, you might be better suited doing something else. What about common sense courses like home ec? A tax prep class would be nice. Or what about a job program that puts kids into the workforce while letting them make a little money? There were so many different things that the school system could do but it chose to keep cramming pointless stuff down everyone's throats.

Unfortunately, that's just the way it was, and in ordert to win the game, you have to play the game, no matter how dumb and pointless it is. That meant she'd have to get her hands on a tutor and waste her precious free time studying. Is there any other profession where you send your customer home to do half of the work themselves? And teachers aren't happy with their pay? You literally make us do half your job for you. If anything, you should be giving our parents a rebate or something.

At her locker, Belle put her books away, shut the door, and slammed her head against it.

"Ow," she said.

She did it again, because some occasions just call for a little self flagellation, and this was surely one of them.

Between work and school, Belle didn't get very much time to do the things she wanted to do. She always had a test to tale or someone's hair to do. Sometimes, life seemed like an endless struggle to strike the perfect balance, and she could never find that happy middle ground. The only reason she was failing was because she'd been working crazy hours lately. And if she wanted to spend more time on her homework, she'd have to cut back on how much she worked. She was burning the candle at both ends, as the saying went, and nothing didn't suffer: Her job performance suffered, her schoolwork suffered, and her sleep schedule definitely suffered.

Where was she going to fit this tutor in?

And who, exactly, was this tutor going to be? Tutors don't come free. Believe it or not, you have to compensate people for their time and energy. I know, I know, that's a radical concept to some people. They think you should just give your labor away for free. No matter what they believed, however, you have to pay. Belle, for her part, wasn't made of money. She was a teenage girl with a part time job and a car that needed paying for. She bought all of her own stuff at home, except for food, and paid heavy state taxes because, as Dad said, the government is the queen of all welfare queens. She didn't have much money to spare, so she'd have to do this on the cheap. Or, more preferably, the free.

Before leaving, Belle pulled on a long black peacoat, tugged her cap down over her forehead, and wrapped her scarf around her neck. Outside, an icy blast of wind swept across the parking lot, and she shivered with cold. She shuffled carefully across the slick pavement and reached her car. She unlocked the door, slid in behind the wheel, and started the engine, her teeth chattering audibly. Stale heat blew from the vents and she turned it up. She spotted Luan Loud walking into the building, perhaps on her way to comedy club, and all at once, Belle had the answer to her tutor problem.

Not Luan, but a Loud all the same.

Backing out of the parking lot, she drove immediately to the Loud House. She was halfway there when she spotted the woman, the myth, the legend, Lisa Loud. An older boy was holding something above her head and laughing cruelly, and she was jumping up and down in an attempt to grab it.

Her glasses.

"Keep away from the nerd," Chandler said in a hateful singsong voice.

Righteous indignation clutched Belle's chest. If there was one thing she hated, it was bullying.

She slammed on the brakes and the car came to a jarring halt, tires screeching. Lisa and Chandler both looked up as she jumped out of the car. She flew around the front end and stalked toward Chandler. "You little punk," she said, "you wanna bully someone? Bully me." She cocked her fist back and charged at him with a primal scream. He let out a fearful yelp and bolted like the little sissy-boy coward she knew he was. Lisa's glasses dropped from his hand and landed in a snowbank. Belle went over, picked them up, and returned them to their rightful owner "Thank you," Lisa said and slipped them onto her face. "I appreciate this. That young man has been bothering me quite a lot lately."

"I'm sorry," Belle said.

"It's fine. Again, thank you. I owe you one."

Belle grinned. It wasn't her plan to lure Lisa into her debt, but it worked out perfectly, so she'd take it. "Hey, uh, I was wondering…can you do me a teensy favor?" She held her thumb and forefinger an inch apart.

"What favor?" Lisa asked.

"Well," Belle said, "I flunked a test on the periodic table and I need to retake it. My teacher said I should get a tutor and you're the smartest person in town, so…."

Lisa stroked her chin. "Alright," she said, "I'll do it."

Yay!

A little later, Belle sat in a toddler sized chair in the middle of Lisa's bedroom, her knees together and her back straight. Lisa stood in front of a blackboard with the periodic table drawn on it in chalk. The little girl held a ruler in her hand and stood with her head cocked slightly back and her eyes half-lidded in a stern and haughty way. She looked like the world's toughest taskmaster and Belle was beginning to wonder if she hadn't made a mistake. She should have just taken the L.

Belle's first task was to figure out the symbol for each element on the table. Lisa had drawn a handy key in one corner of the board, but it wasn't labeled, so Belle guessed it wasn't that handy after all. Belle made a show of leaning forward and squinting to save face; she could see the board just fine, but she couldn't make sense out of what was written there, Math and science were her weakest points, and every time she encountered them, her brain went haywire. The information went in, spun around like chunks of fruit in a blender, and then got scrambled to meaningless muish. She scratched the top of her head like a confused monkey and grasped for some answer, even if it was wrong.

Finally, she gave in and admitted defeat. "Uh…pass?"

Lisa let out a deep sigh. "How about a break?"

Lisa went to fetch them some snacks and drinks from the kitchen, and while she was gone, Belle took the liberty of looking around Lisa's lab at all the inventions the little genius had created. There were X-Ray glasses, a hologram box, a magnant gun, and a can of soda labeled "Brain Juice." Belle picked up the can and turned it over in her hands. Well, she was kind of parched and Lisa was taking her sweet time in the kitchen.

She hesitated, started to put it back, but then cracked it open and took a little sip. Surely Lisa wouldn't mind. Sweet, orange goodness filled her senses and before she knew it, she had guzzled the whole thing. "Whoops," she said and let out a belch. I better hide the can so -

A jolt of electricity shot up Belle's spine and she jumped a little. Her head started to ache and her skull swelled with pressure. Her heart palpitatied and her cranium seemed to expande, fat veins crisscrossing her forehead. She pressed her fingers to her temple and clenched her jaw against the pain.

As soon as it had started, it was over. She felt…different. She felt…

...smarter.

She looked at the board, and at a glance, she understood everything Lisa had written. She looked around the room, taking it all in, and her brain worked a mile a minute. She saw how Lisa's inventions were put together, why they were designed the way they were…and how to make them better.

Grinning, Belle reached for Lisa's tools.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Lisa loaded a plethora of snacks and drinks onto a silver serving tray and picked it up. She didn't know about Belle, but she was quite peckish. Despite her small stature, she could consume a considerable quantity of snack foods. She was fortunate in that her metabolic rate sustained this and was grateful for being able to ingest things that aren't good for one without ill effect. For though she was health conscious, she was also human, and therefore enjoyed empty calories.

She carried the tray to the bottom of the stairs and was just about to start up to the second floor when a massive explosion rocked the house. She was thrown rudelty to the floor and the tray went flying, chips, pork rinds, and candies littering the carpet.

Dear God, what happened?

Leaving the snack based mess for someone else to clean, Lisa raced up the stairs and into her room, from which a thick cloud of gray smoke belched like steam from a vent. Inside, Belle stood in the middle of the room covered in ash and soot. "What happened here?" Lisa asked. "I -"

That's when she noticed Belle's swollen cranium. Her eyes went to the empty can of brain juice. "You drank it!" Lisa cried. She rushed over and picked the can up. "It's all gone." She hung her head, then looked at Belle, realizing what this meant. "How do you feel?"

"Exceptionally intelligent," Belle said. "So intelligent, in fact, that I was able to create my own invention." She held up a spray bottle. "You see, I call it "Thicc potion." It can make anyone quote unquote thicc like me, which is the most desirable state one can theoretically inhabit any given time."

Lisa looked at her.

She looked at Lisa.

Then, raising the bottle, Belle sprayed her in the face. Lisa cried out in alarm and fell back against the table. Most of the spray had splattered her glasses, but some of it made its way into her mouth and nose, choking her. An uncomfortable sensation of warmth stole over her, starting in her toes and moving north to her head. Her muscles quivered and strained and she felt herself beginning to grow. Her butt and thighs both ballooned to three times their normal size. Lisa wailed in terror and her pants ripped off. Her underwear managed to survive the ordeal, but she covered herself in shame anyway.

Belle put her hands on her hips and smiled. Her head was even more swollen; she looked like that blue guy from Megamind, only with more veins. "I knew it would work." She looked at the spray bottle and decided to spread the thiccness around a little. Leaving Lisa to marvel at herself in the mirror on the wall, Belle went into Leni and Lori's room. Lori was on her bed texting and Leni sat at her vanity. "Hello, female compatriots," Belle said.

"Hey, Belle," Lori said and looked up, "what's - oh, God." Her tone was one of surprise and horror.

Leni turned, saw Belle, and jumped to her feet with a squeal. "What happened to your head?"

"Fear not, friends, for what you see is only a pseudo-physical manifestation of my infinitely expanding knowledge."

The two sisters looked at each other, confused.

Without further ado, Belle sprayed Leni.

Instantly, Leni's bust grew two sizes and Leni's jaw dropped. Lori slapped her hand over her own mouth in surprise and Belle smiled. "My boobs are bigger," Leni said. "Yay!" She clapped and jumped up and down.

Regaining her composure, Lori came over. "Uh. hey, can I, uh, see what you got there?"

Already knowing what Lori wanted, Belle sprayed her as well. Her breasts, like Leni's grew, filling her tanktop nicely. "Bobby is gonna love these," she said with a happy little grin. "Thanks, Belle, you're a genius."

Belle smiled smugly. "I am, at this stage, a genius."

An hour later, Belle sat next to the newer, thiccer Lisa at a long table in Lisa's bedroom. Belle's oversized brain brimmed with ideas and she needed Lisa's help with them not because producing them was difficult, but because, alas, she had only two hands. She wanted to get as many of her inventions out as possible so that she could move onto new projects. The first was a lipstick laser that could be used to defend oneself against attack. The second was a pair of VR sunglasses whose tech was so real that you could feel, hear, and taste the environments you imagined yourself in. Another invention was a robotic purse with eight legs and advanced AI. It could serve as a butler, security guard, and confidant when needed. Belle's favorite was the hair dryer that could open portals in the space-time continuum.

"I have to admit," Lisa said as she examined one of the inventions, "I am quite impressed. Even I couldn't have come up with these ideas."

Belle opened her mouth but stopped. She had the sudden feeling of weightlessness. She looked down and realized that she was beginning to float. Her brain had grown so large and powerful that she had developed telekinetic jumped to her feet and gaped up at her in astonishment. Belle had no idea how to control her powers and wound up floating into a wall. She pushed away and caught sight of a terrible image: A green monster with a freakishly large head. She screamed, and when she realized she was looking into a mirror, she screamed even louder. "I'm hideous," she sobbed. "And why am I green?"

"Natural side effect of the brain juice," Lisa said. "You should have read the caution label. Effects include big brains, veins, telekinesis, turning green, and future vision."

As if on cue, Belle had a vision of her future as a genius. She saw herself trapped in a boring lab working 24/7, so obsessed in the pursuit of knowledge that she had no time to do anything fun. She began to cry. This was horrible. She was ugly, fat-headed, and doomed to live a miserable life devoted to research and experimentation.

"It's not worth it," she said, "I don't wanna be a genius anymore. I wanna go back to be normal, dumb ol' Belle."

Lisa sighed. "Well, I could whip up a quick antidote to return your brain - and your IQ - to normal size. If you really want me to."

"I want you to! I want you to!"

"Alright," Lisa said. "Give me a minute."

Five minutes later, she handed a vial to a still floating Belle and Belle knocked it back like a shot of bourbon. At first, nothing happened, but then Belle dropped to the floor with a thunderous thud. "Ow," she moaned.

Next, her head began to shrink, and for a brief second, she had the feeling of suction in her cranium. She squeezed her eyes closed and waited for it to pass, hoping that Lisa hadn't made a miscalculation that would leave her in a vegetative state.

When it was over, Belle sat woozily up and rubbed her head. It felt normal. She got up and looked at herself in the mirror. '

Gone was the swollen dome, the veins, and the greenness. She willed herself to float or see the future, but nothing happened. Letting out a squeal of excitement, Bell swept the little genius into a hug and lifted her off the floor. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"You're quite welcome," Lisa said, "now please unhand me, you're hurting my spine."

Belle sat Lisa back down with a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

Lisa dusted herself off. "It's alright. I'm glad to have been able to restore your brain to its previous parameters."

"All I really wanted was to improve my science game," Belle said. "I just can't grasp it. Maybe if there was a song I could listen to."

Lisa smiled. "That's it, a song!"

Belle raised her eyebrow.

That night, Lisa wrote and recorded a rap song about the periodic table and gave Belle the tape. "I advise you to listen to it over and over until you know the lyrics by heart," she said.

"Will do," Belle said.

"And promise me that come whatever may, you will stay focused on the test and on providing the correct answers." Lisa climbed onto a chair and laid a sober hand on Belle's shoulder. "I did not spit bars about the periodic table for nothing."

That made Belle laugh. "Oh, you can count on me, Lise. I'm going to be focused like a laser." She made a chopping motion with her hand. "Oh, speaking of lasers, do you mind if I take the lipstick laser thingie we made? I used my can of pepper spray to season my lunch yesterday now I have no way to defend myself."

Now it was Lisa's turn to laugh. "Of course you can. It's your invention, after all."

"Thank you," Belle sang. She took the laser and considered taking the purse too, but decided to leave it. She wasn't a super smarty pants anymore and didn't trust herself with a device that could open holes in the fabric of reality. It, and the world, would be much better off if Lisa hung onto it.

At home, she popped it into her Walkman and listened to it over and over and over. It wasn't very good, but the lyrics were easy enough to remember, and after sleeping with it on repeat, she knew every verse by heart. She had an honest shot at getting a good score on this test. And it wasn't all that hard, either. In fact, Lisa had kind of made learning fun.

After a good breakfast, Belle drove to school and parked in the student parking lot on the east side of the building. She went to her locker and to science class to retake that test. When she arrive, however, she found that the teacher was out, and that a substitute was in his place.

Hugh, the dreamy British guy.

He informed her that the teacher had a meeting and that he wold be giving her the test.

She barely heard him. She was too busy blushing and staring at his hotness. Her promise to Lisa to remember the lyrics to the song was broken and all reason had fled her, leaving her a quivering mess.

Hugh drew a deep sigh and hung his head. "Here we go again," he said.

And there they went.

THE END