Notes: Fluffy bechloe as promised but now it's also mixed with a lot of angst. I got carried away. I was also a little inspired writing this one. A jam-packed chapter is coming your way. If it gets confusing, let me know. If it gets too much for you, good that's what I want.
PS. The chapter became too long so I decided to cut it to two parts. This became a lot more angsty than what I intended. Part 2 is more fluff + angst let's be real and filled with bechloe!
Summary: A mini twist at the start that hopefully blows your minds a little. Fluffy bechloe. Glimpses of jealous Beca. A very very minor and accidental Kommissar and Beca interaction. We're meeting Gail. We're crying. Bechloe fight (and make up in part 2). What more can we ask for? Several trigger warnings: mentions of death and grief.
Chapter 7: Intentions (part 1)
Beca was rushing. She was running around her house after receiving a call from Chloe. She shouldn't be that worried. Chloe did assure her she was okay, just a little banged up.
Wallet… keys… phone… house keys… Fuck what else do I need?
Broken ribs. God. How did she even get her ribs broken? "I swear I should look into protective equipment for photographers." Beca said shaking her head.
She was on her way out but when she opened the door she was surprised to see the one and only Deputy director standing outside her house.
"Going somewhere?"
"Yes actually. Can I help you with anything?"
"We need to talk."
It sounded like an order and as much as Beca wanted to tell Aubrey she couldn't stay she walked back in and stepped aside to let her in.
Beca led Aubrey to the living room and offered her to sit on the couch. "Can I get you anything? Water, coffee?"
"No I'm not staying long and you're obviously in a rush to somewhere."
Beca put a hand at the back of her neck out of habit. "Yeah."
"It's something to do with the reaper case." This got Beca's attention and she sat straighter. "I figured since you are leading the investigation, you deserve to know this but you can't tell anyone. Not even Jessica. Not yet."
"Okay." Aubrey got Beca's full attention now.
"The viral video was recorded on Rafael Salazo Jr.'s phone."
"Did they find the phone?"
"Ralph Salazo has it. He said someone sent it to him. Maybe to help his case."
Beca was nodding. "Okay. So will it? What will they find in his phone?"
"We're not worried. They won't find anything there."
"Okay. Good good. So as far as we know, they don't have proof of our communication with Salazo Jr.?
"Yes and they won't find any."
"Okay. If you don't mind me asking, how did you communicate with him then?"
Aubrey looked away for a second then looked straight into Beca's eyes. "We didn't."
"What do you mean? Surely you did somehow. Otherwise, how would we have known about all those things?"
Aubrey sighed. "I'm only telling you this cause I trust you and you've devoted a lot for this case."
Beca nodded urging Aubrey to keep going.
"We didn't because we weren't working with him. We were working with Ralph Salazo."
Beca was taken aback. "The same guy who's suing us?"
"Yes and it's only right that he should. The video wasn't part of the plan. It complicates things but not so much."
"Do we have a lead then? A lot of people died in this operation. Please tell me it wasn't for nothing."
"Ralph knows he can't win the case but he says he has something so we will be having a settlement conference with him."
"You've gotta be kidding me. All those lives lost and we don't even have anything. Is this even worth it?"
"It's something Beca and we're going to have to make it worth it. He says he knows who sent him the phone."
"The phone. Only the reaper would have had it."
"Exactly."
Chloe tried to relax. She did her deep breaths while waiting. Beca was on her way. She made sure her apartment was clean. She was worried about seeing Beca. She knows what she did to her but she did her absolute best to cause as little damage to her as possible. There was a light knock that made her jump and caused a sudden pang of pain from her ribs. She figured she deserved that one for hitting Beca at the back of her neck.
Chloe opens the door to a wide-eyed Beca. "Hey. Come in."
"What the fuck? This is where you live? I remember looking up these apartments, isn't the rent at $4,000 a month or something?" Beca was like a little kid in her favourite store.
Chloe just hummed in response. "About." It was actually $4,250 but Beca didn't need to know that. "Want a mini tour?"
Beca followed Chloe around as she showed the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the kitchen, the living room and the balcony.
"Wow you have a two bedroom and a nice view. Where's your roommate?"
"I live alone. Although my friends stay over often so I figured having an extra room would be convenient."
"Dude. How much do photographers make?"
"I don't know dude. Depends on the gig really."
Beca looks around some more and shakes her head. She then took a long good look at Chloe and reminds herself the real reason why she came. "I mean this in the sweetest way, but my darling you look like hell."
"I feel like it too."
Chloe winced and walked back to her reclining sofa. "Two broken ribs. Right here." Chloe points to her right side. She doesn't lift her shirt cause Beca doesn't have to know about the stitches.
Beca watched Chloe and can see her struggling a little. "Isn't that painful? Why aren't you in hospital?"
"I don't want to stay in a hospital room. I'm fine here. Breathing and moving is a pain but the doctor says it should heal on its own."
"What can I do?"
"Honestly. I just wanted to see you." Chloe patted the spot next to her. "Come here. It's comfy I promise."
"Oh my god. Is that a La-Z-Boy?"
Chloe wiggled her eyebrows. "Yup. They're my favourite."
"Mine too. I've been saving up to get one myself." Beca made herself comfortable beside Chloe. "I'm actually glad you called. I've been meaning to call you too. I'm not sure if you've heard cause it's all over the news but something happened at work."
"We don't have to talk about it."
"No it's okay. It's not that bad. I mean it is. Sometimes it just makes me think if it's all worth it." Beca only said it because of her earlier conversation with Aubrey. She shakes her head. This isn't the time. "But you're right. Let's not talk about it now. Right now I have to take care of a very clumsy someone."
Chloe chuckled but regretted it as soon as she did. "Ow. Don't make me laugh. It hurts." Chloe grabs a pillow to hug and puts it over her chest.
Beca stands back up. It was as if she couldn't stay still in one place. "So what do you need? Do you need me to do the groceries for you? Since you've been working so much I'm sure you don't have much food."
Chloe just watched her move around her apartment while she was leaned back on the sofa hugging the pillow.
Beca opened the fridge and saw it was full. "Or not. It's fully stocked."
"A friend of mine actually did the groceries for me already." Thank you Lil, Chloe thought.
"Oh. So, can I ask what happened?" Beca was leaning on the kitchen counter facing Chloe. She glanced slowly to Chloe's ribs.
"Accident at work." Chloe said simply.
Beca rolled her eyes at that. Work again. "Your work is really starting to worry me."
Chloe was about to say something when there was a knock on the door. Beca put her hand up to stop Chloe from getting up.
"I'll get it. Are you expecting someone?"
"That's probably my doctor."
"Your doctor?" Beca turned to Chloe with a raised eyebrow before opening the door. When she did, Beca saw the same guy she always sees around Chloe. She remembers seeing him at the wedding and he was the same guy that dropped her off that night at the studio.
As soon as the door opened Luke stepped in but froze when he saw someone else and not Chloe. His smile fell as soon as he realised who it was.
"Hi. Sorry so rude of me. Where's Chloe?" Luke tries to play it off.
"She's just inside in the living room. Sorry I didn't mean to startle you."
"No sorry I wasn't expecting a guest. I'm Luke by the way. I don't think we've met."
"Beca." She says shaking his hand. "Are you the doctor?"
"Yep believe it or not."
Luke then walked past her and made his way to Chloe. It was obvious that he knew the place well and he was comfortable. It made Beca wonder how often Luke came over. Beca closed the door and the next thing she sees is Luke holding Chloe's hand helping her up.
"You alright?" Beca heard Luke ask Chloe.
"Yeah. Thanks. No change in pain. I think it even hurts more today."
"That's just the drugs wearing off."
All Beca could do was stare. She wasn't sure if her mind was playing tricks on her but she definitely didn't like where Luke's hands were holding Chloe now.
"I'll do the check up in her room if you don't mind. We won't be long."
Beca cleared her throat and put on her best smile. "Nope not at all. Take your time." She looks at Chloe who was nodding and smiling at her. That was enough for Beca.
She watched them disappear down the hall and hear a door click. She doesn't like feeling this way but she couldn't help it so she does everything she can to distract herself.
Luke helped Chloe lay down and lifted her shirt. There was some bruising and swelling.
"Are you putting ice every two hours?"
"Yup."
"Okay." Luke nods. He then starts to clean the dressing on Chloe's cut in the right side. "The stitches look good and the bleeding is lessened. I'll just clean it now. This might sting a little."
Luke doesn't turn to Chloe when he talks again. "I don't want to meddle but I am your doctor and your friend so I'm obligated to look out for you. What is she doing here? The fact that I know she's outside is making me anxious already. The things are still here, right?"
"I'm not stupid and don't worry I locked them up before I invited her."
"I gotta say I was not expecting that."
"What?"
"Her being here in your apartment. You don't do that because it's risky. Only Lily and me come here. Even Kommissar doesn't. It must be serious."
Chloe shushed him right away. "Careful with the name."
"Sorry sorry. But you know what I mean. What if she goes snooping and finds stuff?"
"She won't."
"Won't go snooping or won't find anything?"
"She just won't. Shut up. The faster you finish that the faster we can get back out there."
"What did she even say about your injuries? Oh my god does she even know? You can't fake this Chlo."
"Of course she doesn't know about that one." Chloe points to her wound from the glass shard. "But obviously I told her about my ribs."
Luke finished cleaning and changing the dressing. He also gave her painkillers. "Alright. You know the drill. Keep that dry. I'll be back later tonight and just in case I can't I'm leaving the medical kit here and the painkillers are only when necessary."
"Okay. Thanks."
"Come on. Let me help you up."
Beca's head turned so fast when she heard the door open that she's surprised she didn't hurt her neck. She saw them walking together side-by-side laughing. She's sure she's exaggerating cause Chloe can't even laugh properly because of her ribs.
She stands up when they entered the living room. Luke was smiling at her. "It was nice meeting you Beca but I have to go."
"Nice to meet you too."
Luke looks to Chloe and smirked. Beca can feel there was inside joke somewhere there when she sees Chloe roll her eyes and playfully slap Luke on the shoulder pushing him towards the door.
"Didn't you say you were going to be late for work?"
"I'm leaving. No need to push. Now no rigorous activities, ice and plenty of rest please. Call me for anything." Luke said as he was walking out.
"Got it. Bye."
Beca and Chloe were left alone again. Beca sat back down and Chloe sat next to her.
"I see you have a lot of friends. Good ones too. They've stocked up your fridge, checked up on you and one that literally takes care of you. What do you need me for? It seems like you're all sorted."
"Actually I only have about two or three and you just met one of them. But you're right, they're a great bunch."
"I totally get that. I'm the same actually. I just thought with your work and all I imagined you to have a lot of friends."
"I make a lot of connections I guess. Thanks to work but you know what. I think Luke missed something."
Chloe fakes having a headache and Beca falls for it.
"What? What is it? Does your head hurt? Should we call Luke again?"
Beca was about to get up when Chloe reached for her hand. "No no stay here."
Chloe then rests her head on Beca's shoulder. "I think it needs kisses."
Beca rolls her eyes but she plays along anyway. "Yeah? Where does it hurt again?"
Chloe lifts her head from Beca's shoulder and leans it back on the sofa. Then she turns to face Beca with a pout and points at the right side of her forehead.
Beca changes to sit Indian style facing Chloe then leans in to kiss the area Chloe just pointed to. Then Chloe points to a spot under her left eye. Chloe had her eyes closed but she heard Beca chuckle before she felt soft lips kiss the area she was pointing to under her eye.
Beca was about to move back but she ended up staring at Chloe's face. Chloe kept her eyes closed still facing her. Beca watched Chloe's finger hover over her face pointing to the bridge of her nose. Beca smiled even though Chloe can't see and leaned down to kiss her on the nose.
Beca licked her lips as she watched Chloe's finger tap her lips three times and leaned in to give Chloe kisses on the lips. They started as little pecks but Beca pressed for deeper kisses, which Chloe happily returned. Beca was careful not to lean against Chloe too much but she wanted more. She wanted to feel more of Chloe.
They were making out and Beca was holding Chloe's face with her hands but then she felt Chloe wince in pain and Beca almost jumps away from her.
Beca tries to get up but Chloe held on to her arm. "No I said stay. You've been running around my apartment. I'm not as fragile. You can come near me. You can stay close to me and touch me. It's okay. I'm okay."
Beca grabbed Chloe's hand and intertwined their fingers and ran her thumb through Chloe's knuckles. She can still see Band-Aids and bandages on her fingers and arm but it's not as wrapped up as before.
"It only hurts a little. I can take it."
"Really? Says the one with an injured hand and now broken ribs."
"I called you here because I wanted to see you and spend time with you and get some cuddles."
"Cuddles? I think you're overestimating me."
"I think you're the one underestimating your cuddles."
"You say it like I've given you cuddles before."
Chloe starts giggling even when it literally pains her. "Ah but my darling." She says teasing Beca. "Do you really not remember anything from our first night together?"
Beca blushed and she starts to pull away again. Chloe groans in pain as she lays down on her side with her back on the sofa. They were now laying down facing each other. Chloe had her head on a pillow and wraps her arms around Beca's neck. She holds on tighter to keep Beca from moving away.
Beca scared of hurting Chloe couldn't move away and was pressed on to Chloe with her arm tucked underneath her and her other hand rested on Chloe's hips.
"It's okay. Don't be embarrassed. And don't move too much. It really hurts."
"It says online broken ribs heal after about six weeks."
"Okay doctor Google, what else did it say about broken ribs?"
Beca chuckled at that. "What I was trying to say is that I will be suffering six more weeks of manipulation like this."
"As if. Don't act like you don't like it."
"I don't."
"Okay. Then I'll give you your space then."
It was Beca's turn to hold onto Chloe tighter.
"Ow ow ow." Chloe looked up to a very concerned looking Beca and giggles again.
"Stop doing that. I don't like hurting you. Even just the thought of hurting you I can't handle."
"Then don't move. I'm comfy, aren't you?"
Beca relaxes beside Chloe. They were now mirroring each other. "More than you know." Beca whispers to answer Chloe.
"Good." Chloe then lets out a big yawn and she's pretty sure she already mentioned that yawning hurt too. "I want to stay awake and keep talking to you."
"It's okay. Let's sleep. It also says online sleeping will do you good. Come to think of it even I haven't had a good sleep for a while now."
"Well then if that's the case, my darling please, can you reach for that white remote on the table just there?" Chloe pointed to the one right beside the sofa.
"You're not going to let it go are you?" Beca refers to calling Chloe my darling.
"I think it's cute."
"I call you my darling once." Beca grumbles as she reached for the remote and hands it to Chloe.
Chloe was staring at the remote and Beca was staring at Chloe. "Do you want to move us to the bedroom? Are you really comfy like this?" Beca asked again.
"I am actually more comfy here. I slept here last night. It's safer here than moving around my bed. You ready for this?"
"For what? What's happening?"
Chloe clicks on a few things and all of a sudden the curtains go down and the room slowly goes dark. Then it's perfectly matched with low dim lights.
"Holy fuck dude. What the fuck just happened? What the fuck is this place. Seriously, how much do photographers earn? I don't think it's too late for me to change careers."
"It's never too late to do anything."
"I know. I've really been thinking a lot about it."
"You're already somewhat seeing a photographer. You don't have to become one."
"Somewhat seeing a photographer? I like the sound of that."
"Of what? Not becoming a photographer?"
"No. Somewhat seeing one."
"Good to hear." Chloe says with her eyes already closed. She thinks the meds also made her sleepy.
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Are you liking the sound of dating an FBI agent? It's pretty cool, huh?"
"Meh. I like the sound of dating Beca Mitchell more." Chloe mumbles it but Beca hears her loud and clear.
Beca felt like she was about to explode. She didn't say anything cause she didn't trust her voice right now. Instead she kisses Chloe on the forehead and closed her eyes as well. She felt Chloe's breathing to slowly even out and that's what lulled her to sleep.
Beca wakes up first. She can't tell how long they've been sleeping. There was buzzing in her ear and she looks up to see one of their phones was brightly lit.
She carefully untangled herself from Chloe and reached for the phone. Beca slowly got up and placed a pillow in her spot so Chloe doesn't turn. She walked away from the living room and answered only when she felt like Chloe wouldn't hear her anymore.
"Beca Mitchell speaking." Beca answered the call without looking at who was calling.
"Where's Chloe?"
That's when Beca realised she's not holding her phone. This was Chloe's phone. Beca furrowed her eyebrows and squinted her eyes as she looked at the phone screen. "Captain Sour Pants?" She reads to herself.
Beca didn't want to disturb Chloe's nap. It's true when she said Chloe needed all the sleep she can get so she decides to talk to this person and let her know Chloe is unavailable at the moment. She clears her throat.
"Hi sorry, she's not feeling well and I don't really want to wake her. Did you want to leave a message instead?"
This threw off Kommissar and she looks at the phone screen to make sure she called the right number. No one's ever answered Chloe's phone for her before.
There was a long pause from the other end and Beca does the same. She looks at the phone screen again to make sure the call was still connected.
"Who's this again?" Kommissar eventually asked in a lower voice.
"This is Beca. I'm a friend of hers." Beca stutters saying that sentence cause she knows she wasn't just a friend and she didn't want to be just Chloe's friend.
Beca wasn't sure if she heard it right but it's like the person on the other end just scoffed. "Right. Tell her to call me as soon as she wakes up and that I sent her a package. It should arrive soon."
"Okay. But who's this?" Beca couldn't even finish her sentence. The line went dead.
She wasn't the type to snoop and Chloe's phone was locked anyway. But she did see there were a couple of messages from Lilly, Luke, her mother maybe but nothing from this Captain Sour Pants and what is up with that name?
Beca heard movement from the living room so she walked back to where Chloe was. She remembers reading that sleeping on the injured side is okay as long as you don't turn in your sleep. Beca saw Chloe leaning back on the recliner.
Chloe pressed for the curtains to open back up again and light was slowly entering the apartment. "Where'd you go?" Chloe asked.
"Oh. Sorry. Your phone rang but I didn't know it was yours until I answered it. I hope that's okay." Beca says while handing Chloe's phone to her.
"Of course. Who was it?"
"Uhm. Captain Sour Pants?"
Chloe froze for a second but recovered quickly. She just hummed her response and kept on tapping whatever on her phone.
"I don't think she was very happy that I answered the phone for you." Beca continued. She was trying to be subtle about it but she was curious and she was watching Chloe closely.
"I'm not surprised. She's a rather difficult client. Please tell me you didn't call her Captain Sour Pants."
"I didn't. It was tempting though. She also said to call her when you wake up and that there's a package coming soon for you."
"A package?"
"Yeah."
Chloe shrugs it off and starts to roll her shoulders. Beca just watched her. "You okay?"
"Yeah just a little stiff." She checks the time on her phone. "Wow a good two hour nap." Chloe changes the subject then gets up slowly. Beca instinctively held her arm and offered support. Chloe smiles at her. "Sorry I have to call this client back. She's not very happy about the delays cause of my ribs."
"No no, you go. I'll get lunch ready."
"Thanks. I am starving."
Chloe decides to make the call in her room. She was pacing while listening to the ringing. She didn't even care what Beca would think for taking this call in the privacy of her room.
"What are you doing calling this phone? I have two phones for a reason." Chloe hissed at Kommissar as soon as she picks up.
All Chloe could hear was Kommissar laughing on the other end.
"You're dong this on purpose. Do you find this amusing?"
"I do actually. But first I want to confirm something with you. Do you think you'll be ready in two months?"
"I should be. These things generally take six weeks to heal but why are you asking me and not Luke?"
"Cause you're you. You know your body and its limits so I wanted to know from you if you can do it. How bad is it today?"
"I've had worst ones. What do you need me to do?"
"I'll oragnise a meeting with everyone in a month. For now, focus on your healing."
"I will. I'm hanging up now."
"Wait."
"What?"
"What about you? What are you doing having a federal agent at your apartment?"
"I have it all under control. It's not like she'll find random bags of money lying around. That's what storage spaces are for."
Kommissar sighed. "Why do you have to put yourself through this? We all know how it's going to end."
"No that's where you're wrong. We don't actually know. Do you have anything else you want to say to me? Cause I am seriously hanging up now."
"One last thing. I think it's best you find time to go home. You finally have the time to visit John and Carol. I think its for the best."
Chloe was quiet. This was the most sensible thing Kommissar has said to her today. She also tries to remember the last time she's talked to her parents.
"Let me know and I'll have someone organize your flights and plan your trip. My treat."
"Okay. Let me think about it. I really have to go."
"I repeat it's my treat."
"I heard you the first time and I said I'll think about it. I'll call you later." Chloe ends the call there.
Chloe found Beca in the kitchen. It was something very new to her. She's never had someone here that wasn't Luke or Lilly.
"Everything okay with cranky pants?" Beca asked when she saw Chloe walking back towards her.
"She's fine. She's always been hard to please."
"It seems like she's fond of you anyway. The package arrived. It looks like a care package."
"Oh yeah, thanks for receiving it for me. I'll open it later."
"What's with the face?"
"I just realised I haven't talked to my parents in weeks. I've just been so busy. I haven't really had the time." Chloe settles on the bar stool by the counter.
"Where are they your parents?"
"In Portland. I'm thinking of visiting but we'll see."
Beca nods and looks back down at whatever she's cooking. Chloe knows better than to ask the same question back at her. She knows there's a story there. But sensing Beca was getting a little uncomfortable on the topic Chloe decides to drop it. Instead she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath while she rests her elbows on the counter.
"That smells really good. What are you cooking?"
Beca and Chloe spent the weekend and everyday of the following week together. They were inseparable. Beca had to take a mandatory leave for what happened and Chloe wasn't working so they got to spend their time off together. If anything it gave them a glimpse of what they could have with each other and what it would be like if they were in a relationship. Despite enjoying each other's company, Beca hasn't stayed the night and Chloe hasn't asked her either.
They already had a routine going and one Thursday morning, Chloe could easily tell where Beca was going by what she was wearing and by the somber look on her face.
"I uh I have to go somewhere for work. I would love to bring you but." Beca didn't know how to say it without actually saying it. She felt like it was too early to talk about. Their relationship was still too fragile to deal with the realities of Beca's job.
"It's okay. I have to be somewhere too. I'm still not allowed to drive so if you have time to drop me off, could you."
"Of course." Beca cuts Chloe off. "I'd be happy to drive you."
"Cool. Then you can just pick me up whenever you finish."
"Okay. You sure you'll be alright?"
"I'll be fine don't worry. I'll just change quickly then we can go?"
"Yeah. Okay."
Beca remembers this was the same place she dropped Chloe off that night when she picked up her car.
"Thanks for driving me. One of my friends work around here so I figured to stop by and say hello."
Beca nods. "Okay. I'm not sure how long I'll be."
"It's okay. Take all the time. Besides I can take a cab or something."
"No I'll pick you up. I'll just text you when I'm on my way."
"Okay. I'll see you later then."
Chloe unbuckled her seat belt but she heard Beca undoing hers first and getting out of the car. She watches her walk over to her side and Beca opened the door for her.
"You don't have to do that you know."
"I know." Beca held her hand out for Chloe to take to help her step out of the car.
Chloe appreciated the gesture. The truth was it was painful getting in and out of the car.
"Thank you."
Beca kissed her cheek. "I'll see you later. Please let me know if you need me to pick you up earlier. If it gets too painful and you want to go home just let me know okay."
"I'll be fine. You go."
Chloe watched Beca walked to the driver's side and drive away before turning to the alley. It was earlier than the usual times she would visit Lilly but she knew Lilly would be here.
True enough Chloe finds her behind the bar cleaning. She never had to let Lilly know she was coming. It was part of Lilly's job to know where Chloe was 24/7.
"How are you? You look good for someone who went on a suicide mission." Lilly greets Chloe.
"My ribs are still killing me. How's everything?"
Lilly gives Chloe an update on everything and everyone. It was hard to keep up to date when she was spending most of her time with Beca. Chloe and Lilly were able to talk freely since there was no one else in the pub at this time.
"Settlement talks? What do you mean there's rumours of settlement talks?"
Lilly was telling Chloe that the Director was here and that she was meeting with Ralph Salazo in hopes of reaching a settlement to stop him from suing them in court.
"What is it?" Chloe asks Lilly when she hesitated on something.
"What?" Lilly was being defensive.
"You're doing that thing again where you're wiping the glasses too much."
Lily puts the glass in place and flicks the towel over her shoulder. "Don't you find it odd?"
"Find what odd?"
"Rafael Salazo Jr. isn't the smartest person, everyone knows it and yet we couldn't find anything on his phone or anywhere else."
"Keep going."
"It's either he's not actually that dumb, the FBI is that good or he's not the guy that set you up."
Chloe froze when that realization hit her. She doesn't make mistakes like that. Was she a little too reckless this time? Should she have stopped and thought about her next move instead of running to kill him right away?
Lilly could almost hear Chloe's thoughts. "I don't mean to trigger you Chlo."
"No it only means if he's not the guy who set us up, the guy who did is still out there."
"We don't know that yet but I'm looking into it. Leave it with me. Focus on your recovery."
"I know. I trust you. It's just that I'm going to have a really hard time dealing with this if it turns out he wasn't the guy that set us up."
"I know but it's not your fault. I will let you know as soon as I find out anything because I trust you too. So get better. How did you get here anyway? Are you even allowed to drive?"
Chloe smirked. "I'm not."
Chloe hears something on TV that made her ears perk up. It was Gail, the Director of the Bureau, spewing more bullshit trying to save face. Aubrey, the Deputy director, was there too behind her. The worst part of it all was that it was working. The public still had faith in them
Chloe's only consolation for now was that she caused enough waves to get their attention and made them come out here and release statements like that.
Beca arrived at the funeral service organised by the Bureau for their colleagues who they lost in their last operation.
She was looking for Andrew's mom in particular. She feels bad that she waited this long to see her. She already saw Jessica with Ashley in a corner table. She was on her way to them when she heard her mom's voice.
She turned around and true enough there she was. She couldn't believe it. Her mom was here.
"Mom?"
Gail turned to Beca with a raised brow. "Agent Mitchell."
"Sorry. I mean." Beca cleared her throat. "Director. When did you arrive?"
"This morning. I came to pay my respects. I'm here for other business as well."
"Of course." Beca bowed her head a little.
"I'm afraid I won't have time for anything else. But in my next visit maybe or when you're in Washington, we can have a sit down and properly catch up."
"It's okay I understand. Don't worry about it, Director." Beca gave her a tight-lipped smile before turning to leave. "Next time it is."
She didn't have time to dwell on her mother and how she wasn't ready to see her cause she saw Andrew's mom by the coffee machine.
Beca approached her. She was glad to see her alone. "Mrs. Williams?"
Andrew's mom looks up to her. Beca could see her bloodshot eyes from crying and it broke her heart. "Yes?"
"My name's Beca Mitchell." As soon as Beca says her name, Mrs. Williams puts her coffee down and puts her arms around Beca. As they were hugging, Beca knows she knows and for the first time Beca cries. She breaks down in the older woman's arms before she could stop herself. All her bottled up emotions came bursting out.
"It's okay child." Mrs. Williams says while stroking Beca's hair. "Thank you for being there with him in his last moments."
Beca couldn't say anything. She was trembling. She feels bad cause she was supposed to be the one comforting Mrs. Williams and not the other way around. Beca pulls away and looks at the older woman. She tries to say what Andrew wanted her to say but she couldn't get the words out.
Mrs. Williams reached for her cheeks. "It's okay. I know. I loved him very much too and I forgive him. I'm proud of him. I'm proud to be his mother."
Beca was crying again. "I'm so sorry I'm such a mess." Beca was finally able to say something.
"Don't be sorry and stop blaming yourself. I can see it in your eyes." Mrs. Williams said answering Beca's unspoken question.
"Thank you. He's very lucky to have you as his mom. I know you already know but can I say it anyway? Cause I promised him I would."
Mrs. Williams just nods and patiently waits for Beca to compose herself to pass on her son's final message to her.
Beca was crying again but she needed to say this. "He said he was sorry and that he loves you very much." Her voice cracked in the end and she could barely make out the end of her sentence. She was crying uncontrollably again.
The moment she shared with Andrew's mom made her understand that there really was a certain type of joy and peace that is only experienced through grief and that there is a type of love that is only experienced through sadness.
The funeral service was beautiful and it's what their colleagues deserved. Beca hadn't shed a tear since letting it all out earlier. She was ashamed to be there alive. It wasn't fair for her to survive. She felt guilty. It made her wonder how her mom would react if anything happened to her. But she couldn't stop thinking about Andrew's mom and the things she said to her and how much comfort it gave Beca.
Beca picked up Chloe after a few hours. They were both quiet on the way back to Chloe's apartment. Chloe knew right away something was wrong with Beca but she knew where she'd been. How could you comfort someone knowing you were the one to cause them such pain in the first place?
Beca was glad that Chloe was giving her space. She appreciated how well Chloe can read her sometimes. But Beca was too caught up with her own emotions that she didn't pick up there was something also going on with Chloe.
She parked her car and walked Chloe up to her apartment. They both wanted to be alone. Chloe knew she wanted to be alone but there was an unfamiliar feeling that was unsettling to her that she's never felt before. She unlocked her door but Beca doesn't follow her inside.
Chloe doesn't know what pushed her to do it but she finds herself reaching out to Beca. She clings on to her wrist and Beca looks down at it right away.
"Stay?"
Beca thought she wanted to be alone but the moment she heard Chloe asking her to stay, she finds herself wanting to stay with Chloe more than anything and that was new to her too.
When Beca doesn't say anything, Chloe slowly let go of Beca's hand. She tries her best to read Beca but she couldn't and that was unusual for her.
"I'm sorry. You don't have to. I'm sure you'd want to be alone or maybe go to Jessica. I know today has been hard for you too. Call me if you need anything?"
It doesn't escape Beca that Chloe implied she was also going through something. Just like Beca, she also had a hard day. She was too distracted by her own grieving that she didn't notice that there was something bothering Chloe but she also wonders if it was just Chloe reading her a little too well. Beca wonders if Chloe knows exactly what she is going through and worst, Chloe accepts her anyway and understands.
Beca starts to shake her head and chuckled. But her eyes were saying something entirely different. Tears started pooling in her eyes daring to fall again. Chloe has never seen Beca to be this vulnerable.
Suddenly Chloe was questioning herself. She doesn't know how to approach Beca when she was being like this. It was good Chloe didn't reach for Beca again cause she was on the edge of another breakdown.
She takes a deep breath and blinks back the tears. "I'm terrified. You scare me." Beca says to her.
Chloe was very confused by this. She's not sure if it's her ribs but she was having a much harder time breathing than usual. She hasn't realised it yet but she doesn't like the thought that Beca was scared of her.
Beca holds both Chloe's hands and kissed her knuckles gently. Then she holds Chloe's face and kissed her forehead. She lingers there and Chloe closed her eyes. She has no idea what Beca's thinking.
She opens her eyes and sees the tears are falling. She tentatively raised her hands and slowly wiped away Beca's tears. She was giving Beca a chance to move away or stop her. Beca nods and leans into her touch.
"I'm sorry I can't stay. I'll be back tomorrow I promise. I just can't be here right now."
"No of course. Don't be sorry."
If she was being really honest, she knew she needed to be alone tonight too. She had her own issues to deal with and she had no right to seek comfort from Beca of all people.
Beca sniffs and clears her throat. "Do you need help with anything before I leave?"
"No I'm good. Thank you for driving me today."
"Anytime. Call me if anything happens, please?"
"I'll be fine Bec. I'll see you tomorrow." Chloe gives her best reassuring smile.
Beca was about to turn to leave. "Oh but come in the morning if that's okay. I'm flying home tomorrow. I still can't work so I figured I should make time and visit my parents."
"Right. Okay. Can I drive you to the airport too?"
"Luke wants to drive me actually and I already said yes."
"No of course. I'll see you in the morning before you leave then."
"Okay. Drive home safe." Chloe closes the door on Beca with all that's left of her resolve.
Beca went straight to Jessica and Ashley's place. The whole drive there she was fighting the urge of turning back around and going back to Chloe. She knew it was a mistake not to stay the moment Chloe closed the door.
Jessica and Ashley were ready. They knew there was a real possibility Beca might come running to them tonight. Beca was in their sofa with Jessica on her right and Ashley on her left. They offered to make her tea but Beca wanted something else to drink.
"Hey I know today was really hard. Attending the funeral, seeing your mom, seeing Andrew's mom. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel." Jessica says to Beca while handing her a bottle of cider.
She smiled her thanks. "Yeah. This is my least favourite part of the job."
"Yeah me too."
Beca takes a long drink of her cider almost drinking half of it. Jessica and Ashley exchanged worried looks. Then Beca turns to look at them both alternating left and right.
"How do you two do it? You're both in this job, you're both at risk, you know what could happen and yet you still choose to be together. I wish I was that brave."
Beca was staring at her bottle then downs it. Now Jessica and Ashley were really worried. Beca never drinks this fast.
"More Cider?" Ashley offered.
"Yes please." Beca says in almost a whisper.
When Ash came back with Beca's drink, Jess scooted closer to Beca. "What's going on Becs? What's on your mind?"
Beca blinks back the tears in her eyes again. "I've lost a lot of people in my life and today I was reminded of the people who matter and who I care for. I think Chloe and me are going too fast. If I pursue this relationship with Chloe and we end up being together, there's a big chance we'll be happy and then something happens to me, I can't let her deal with that. I'm also getting to the point where I don't think I can lose Chloe and that scares me so much."
"Wait. So this is about Chloe?"
Jessica knows where Beca is going with this. She knows Beca runs. It's what she's good at and she can't blame her.
"I really see her as someone I could actually end up with like spend my life with and that's scaring me. Spending time with her and getting to know her, it won't be long for me to fall in love with her. But with our job, I don't think I can do that to her. It's not fair."
"Becs. Don't you think you're getting a little too ahead of yourself here?"
"I really don't know Jess. All I know is that I'm so scared. I don't want to hurt her like that. I can't hurt her."
"I think you should give her the chance to at least make that decision for herself instead of you making that decision for the both of you. That is what's fair."
Beca buries her face in her hands. "Why do I keep running away?"
Jessica and Ashley just comforted Beca by rubbing her back and putting their arms around her. They let their friend cry.
After a while, Beca says. "And fuck my mom right? How can someone be so cold?"
They couldn't help but chuckle at that. "There she is. There's our Beca."
Beca cried and laughed and drank more than she should that night. She ended up staying over and sleeping on their couch.
Beca wakes up to an alarm she doesn't remember setting. She knew where she was right away. She always ends up here somehow. She reached for her phone to turn off the alarm and to check the time. She has a text from Chloe.
Chloe (6:22am): I was able to get an earlier flight so we're on our way to the airport now. I'll text you when we land.
Beca is frantically dialing Chloe's number. She doesn't know why but to call Chloe was her first instinct.
"Hey it's Chloe. You just missed me. Leave a message?"
Beca's heart did a somersault upon hearing Chloe's voice but she hated that voicemail cause it gets her every time.