Hi,

I hope everyone is doing good. I am going through a lot right now. So many things are coming at me. Grief mingling with happiness, and I have no idea what to feel or think. The residential schools are weighing on my mind. My uncle, who taught me how to drive and cared for me like an older brother, passed away yesterday. I got into the master's program, and I didn't even get to share that with him. I can't seem to sleep, and writing was the only thing that brought me comfort and took my mind off of things. I really don't know what else to say.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, implied sexual relationships, manipulation, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 18: Patience

"Love, it never dies. It never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it. Love can make you immortal."

― Gayle Forman, If I Stay

9:54 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

I frowned, turning his head lightly. There was no mark from what I could see, and Paul's skin wasn't raised from the slap that Jacob's friend had decided to inflict on him. All I could feel underneath the tips of my fingers were his warm skin with slight stubble. Fury coursed through my veins as I softly rubbed his left cheek. Deep down, I knew that he wasn't in pain, but I wanted to obliterate the memory of the harsh sting of her hand. "Tell me what happened again?"

"Rys, it's not worth getting upset over," Paul said with a grin on his face. "Really, I'm okay." He grabbed my hand, pressing a kiss to my palm. His words didn't help the fury simmering under my skin. I didn't care if he laughed at her when she threw baseless accusations of Jacob being scared of them. Was he an ass for laughing outright in her face? Maybe, but I didn't see that as a good enough reason for her to slap him. "I did phase and almost attack her."

I rolled my eyes standing up, letting go of him. "That was after that girl hit you. So she had no reason to get physical with you, and the fact that she did that pisses me off," I huffed, trying to reel in my fury. I wanted to find her and slap her back. You don't put your hands on someone and not expect some sort of retaliation in return. "I wanna know what clicked in her head for her to think that she could hit you?"

"C'mere," He held his hand out to me, waiting for me to take his hand. But, instead of taking his hand right away, I inhaled deeply, biting the inside of my cheek. I was still raging. "Laryssa." His voice sounded different, and I couldn't quite place what it was. I shoved my anger down at his injustice, and I took his hand, allowing myself to be pulled against his chest. "It's not worth-"

"It is worth it," I interrupted him, "You are worth it." I stared at him as I recounted everything he had told me about the slap and the fight between him and Jacob. I hated that he was dismissing it and that he felt it wasn't worth it because, to me, it was. "She had no right to touch you. Did she even apologize to you?"

"No," He murmured, tightening his arm around me, "she didn't." I huffed out, wanting to hunt her down and have her apologize to him. "Baby, if it's any consolation, it didn't hurt."

I turned to face Paul, glowering at him. "If it did, I would be raging even more than I am now." I huffed, facing the beach again. I dug my feet into the sand, trying to calm down. I tried to let the coolness of the sand cool my temper, but it didn't seem to be working.

"Thank you," Paul leaned forward, putting his chin on my shoulder. I felt his warmth cocooning me. I got ready to tell him that there was no reason to thank me. But he squeezed me, and I stayed silent, letting him go on. "I don't like that your angry, but talking to you makes me feel better. I felt awful because I couldn't control my temper, and I saw the fear in her eyes. Part of me knew it was wrong, but I couldn't calm myself. It was just a split second, and I couldn't stop." I rubbed his arms, holding him closer to me. "I wouldn't have gotten to that point if she didn't slap me. But, what I did was wrong too. I'll learn to control my anger."

"Paul, would you have phased if she didn't hit you," I asked, intertwining our hands. I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from him.

"I mean, she did piss me off with the accusations." He mumbled, "but no. I wouldn't have." I smirked as I rested my head against his shoulder, watching the waves. "Do you still feel angry?"

"A little," I admitted, "I just can't believe Jacob. What was he thinking? Idiot." I closed my eyes, trying my best to process what he told me. "Please, don't ever say it's okay or brush it off if something like this happens. Don't dismiss it. No one should put their hands on you. I don't care who it is."

"Never again," He promised, kissing the side of my head. "I've never had this." I frowned, unsure of what he was talking about. His hand rubbed my upper arm. "Someone who cares enough about something like this." His arm tightened around me like I was his last lifeline, and he buried his face in my neck. I felt him say something, but I couldn't hear what he said.

"I didn't hear you," I hummed, waiting for him to repeat what he said. Paul didn't say anything; instead, he made himself more comfortable. I let go of his hand, reaching back to stroke his hair. "I care about you. I am here for you. You just have to tell me what you need. If you need me to go kick some ass, I'll do it. I may not be the best, but I'll try." I felt his laugh against my neck.

"No fights, sweetheart." Paul skimmed his nose against a sensitive part on my neck. I laughed, yanking on his hair lightly. "Jakes gonna be pissed off that you called him an idiot." I turned slightly, trying to figure out how he would know. "We share each other's thoughts, remember."

"This isn't anything I wouldn't tell him to his face. You better not replay me saying that over and over in your head, either," I smirked, knowing how he was.

"No promises," Paul pressed a wet kiss to my cheek. I felt my cheeks heat up when my stomach let out the loudest growl. "Let's go get something to eat."

"Five more minutes?" I sagged against him, grinning when his arms tightened. I stared at the water, lapping against the sand. I closed my eyes, letting out a soft sigh.

10:37 a.m. Cici's Diner, Forks, Washington

I stared down at the strawberry-covered waffles, feeling a slight pang in my chest. I didn't know what possessed me to order this, but the words were out of my mouth before I could take them back. "You okay?" I blinked rapidly, pushing the strawberries into the cream. "Rys?" I focused on the warmth from the sun. There was a slight breeze, but it felt nice.

I smiled, looking at Paul. "My mom used to order this all the time when we came here. She would always give me a bite when I asked with this small pout on her face."

"You never talk about her," He murmured, taking a sip of his coke. Every time he asked, I avoided it. I was ashamed and hurt and wanted nothing to do with her. "Do you miss her?" I looked back down at the waffles. I nodded, feeling a lump in my throat. "Can you tell me about her?" I wanted to share with him. He had trusted me with all of himself, and I wanted to do the same.

"Her name is Grace. She's a really great writer, and she has published some hard-to-put-down murder mystery books. She trusted me to do some illustrations for her books. Before she was a professional writer, she was a nurse. She was very strict when I was younger, and she hated our art room. But deep down, I think she liked it," I laughed, pushing around the strawberries. "We were a happy family for the most part. She and I butted heads a lot; my dad was our mediator. But when he died, everything shifted. Grace wanted to take us to New York, but I fought with her with everything I had left, and she relented. She left to pursue her writing, leaving me in charge of Jay. Ever since she left, it's like she forgot about us, and right now, she only cares about her books. I didn't mean for her to just abandon us completely. We aren't on good terms right now."

Paul took my free hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry." I smiled and shook my head. He had nothing to apologize for. I cut my waffle, taking a bite, and it tasted almost like I remembered. The slight softness and crunch from the buttery waffle, combined with the sweetness from the strawberry and cream. Yet, it felt like something was missing. "My mom left me too. Instead of becoming a professional writer, she turned to the bottle. My dad left when it got bad, and he moved us back here."

"Do you miss her?" I asked, squeezing his hand back. I missed Grace with every fiber of my being. I tried to imagine what it was like for him. It must have been worse.

Paul fiddled with my fingers smirking, when I caught one of his fingers. He set his empty plate to the side, and I silently wished that I had snagged a bite of his hashbrowns. "Sometimes. When she wasn't drunk, she is the kindest person. She loved hugs, but when she was drunk, I couldn't even stand close to her. There were times when we hardly talked. She would get me from school then crash out on the sofa. She wouldn't ask about my day or care when I was bullied in school." I bit my lip silently as I began to understand why he said someone who cares enough. "But when we did, she would put me to bed and tell me the craziest stories. I have those to cherish."

"What about your dad," I asked, curious about the man who seemed to travel to Seattle a lot. "What about your memories with him?" Paul rubbed his hands together, fiddling with his napkin. "We don't have to talk about him."

"No," He coughed, "I just don't know where to start. My dad's name is Bly. He was always working when I was younger, but he made sure to always make it home at night to bring home food or cook some fish. He didn't know how to cook a lot of food, but he made good fish. Now that I'm older, he spends more and more time away." Paul grinned, glanced up at the sky. "There was this one time, Laryssa. I begged him to make chicken at home. I didn't want the store-bought stuff, and he said he would try. He did try, but he didn't cook it all the way, and we got sick. It wasn't fun at the time, but looking back. I'm happy that he tried. But he'll be back in three weeks, and he wants to meet you."

"Me," I felt my anxiety start to bubble in my stomach. I put my napkin on my empty plate, trying my best not to think of the what-ifs. "Really?"

He looked down at his hands before heaving himself up and moving to settle on the bench beside me. "Yes, really." I felt his fingers tilt my chin so that I was looking at him. "Don't worry, Rys. I can see the worry spinning around in your mind." Paul pressed a kiss to my forehead, pulling me into his arms. "He's gonna adore you."

I rested against him, holding onto his arm tightly. He rocked me from side to side, running his fingers through my hair. "I hope so."

I felt his chuckle, "I know so." I squeezed his arm, smiling to myself. "Are we still okay for today?"

I nodded, sitting up straight. "Yup, I'm ready to attack the water now," I smirked, turning to brush my nose against his. "C'mon."

12:12 p.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

He was patient with me, I mused as I watched him. I hadn't got in the water yet, and Paul didn't push. He looked so at ease and concentrated as he stood up on his board. I grinned at his ecstatic whoops and hollers. I snapped a few pictures of him, building the courage to try. I stood up, setting my phone in my bag. I gathered my hair, tying it up quickly. I shimmied out of my jeans before I could stop myself. I waded through the cold water until it was up to my chest. I let myself get used to the coldness of the water. "You made it." I nodded, grinning at Paul perched on top of his board. "C'mere." He reached over, helping me sit with him. I sat with my back against his chest, looking at the ocean. "If you attack the ocean, I'll attack it with you." Paul laughed, kissing my cheek. "Now, sit towards the front, and I'll paddle us out, okay?"

"Okay," I let my fingers graze the water. "I'm not too heavy, right?" We stopped moving forward, and I glanced behind me. I saw Paul's deadpan stare. I grinned, turning around, "okay... okay, forget I said anything."

We continued moving forward, and I was starting to feel relaxed. Paul stopped after a while, and we just sat and waited on the water. "I'm glad you're here with me. Just let me do the work. I want you to focus on having fun." I nodded, looking around us. A few people were sitting on the sand, and others were far away from us on the water. My heart started beating fast when he started paddling quickly. "Sweetheart, trust me."

I could feel him stand up behind me, and I gasped when I realized how fast we were moving. I giggled when the wave came to an end. "Again?"

"Hell yeah!"

1:25 p.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

"That was awesome," I buttoned my jeans, taking my hair out of my bun. "Such a rush. Let's try cliff jumping next."

Paul laughed, setting the board down. "As long as you jump with me." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You did so well today." I grinned, soaking up the praise like a sponge.

I turned, wrapping my arms around him. "You got me out of my comfort zone."

"That was all you, sweetheart." Paul rubbed my back. "But you owe me brownies." I rolled my eyes, pulling back. "You lost fair and square, babe." I poked his stomach, letting my hair down as I stepped away from him. "I got you to stand up."

"Keep gloating, and you're gonna find some walnuts in the brownies," I joked, dodging out of the way when he lunged at me. I took a few steps back when he stalked towards me. "Don't even think about it." I shook my head, turning on my heels darting away. I used everything I had to outrun him. Just as I made it to the treeline, I felt his arms around my waist. He tossed me over his shoulder like a rag doll and spun around in a circle. "Damn strength," I yelled, pressing myself closer to his lower back. I closed my eyes, laughing freely. He stopped setting me down. I stumbled back, grinning stupidly, feeling him steady me. "S'not fair."

"I think you are getting faster," Paul said, holding his hands out like I was going to collapse.

I brushed his hands away. I was determined not to fall. "I am. I try and run every day now." I hated waking up before the sun was up at going for a jog. There was something about running in the early mornings that made me sick.

"You don't look happy." Paul gave me a confused look. I took a step towards our stuff, and I felt a rush of dizziness. "Woah, careful." He tried his best to hide his smirk. "Would you like me to carry you?"

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" I mock glared at him. I plotted against him, and I was definitely going to add the walnuts. Paul pulled me to him, gripping my hips, so I faced him. "With your bulging muscles," I waved my hand over his impressive muscles.

"Oh, so you like my bulging muscles," Paul teased, leaning down to give me a kiss. "What else do you like?" He moved one of his arms to flex. I flicked his bicep. Paul snorted, returning his arm to hold me.

"Your incorrigible," I dodged his kiss, "but I like it. I like that you're confident in who you are. You're kind, intelligent, funny, creative, and encouraging." I stood on my tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. His warm hands settled on my lower back, and I could feel the sweeping motion of his thumbs. I stared up at him, feeling a burst of emotion well up in my chest. I couldn't place the feeling, but it felt like it filled my entire body with warmth. I couldn't verbalize it, so I just smiled up at him. "No walnuts, I promise."

Paul grinned, shaking his head at me. "To answer your question, I'd love to carry you. I love when you are in my arms." His arms tightened around me. "How did I get so lucky? I ask myself that every day but half the time, I don't even know. You... Fuck, I can't even describe it." I laughed, shaking my head. "What?"

"I can't describe it either," I admitted, causing him to laugh. "But I know once I can find the words, you'll be the first to know." I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my cheek against his heart. I listened to the strong thump of his heart.

"Laryssa." I heard his heart speed up when he said my name. I pulled back, glancing up at him feeling locked in his intense gaze. "Kiss me," His voice was soft and quiet. I watched as he licked his lips, "please, Laryssa." Paul lifted his hand, brushing my hair away from my face.

I stood on my toes, lightly brushing my thumb across his bottom lip, teasing him gently. I let my fingers trail from his lips to his neck. I played with his hair, pulling him down slightly. Even when I was on my toes, he was still taller than me. When my lips met his, it was like the restraint he had broke, and he surged forward eagerly. I didn't know how, but suddenly my back was pressed against the tree, and I could feel him everywhere. He smelt like the sea and sweat. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my knees felt weak. He broke away, giving me a moment to breathe. I couldn't open my eyes, and I felt Paul's hand move from my face, and he lifted my leg to hook it on his hip. He lifted me up in his arms, propping me gently against the tree.

"Please," I murmured, opening my eyes to look at him. It was like I was punched in the chest when I saw his eyes bleeding with affection for me. "Paul, please," I begged, desperate to feel his pillowy lips against mine. He was the drug that I never wanted to quit. I saw the smile before his lips touched mine again. "Tease."

"You started it," Paul mumbled against my lips. I hummed, drawing him closer to me. I pulled back from his lips, glancing up when I felt something splash against my head. I jumped when I heard a crack of lightning. Paul held me tighter, rubbing my side to soothe me. I laughed, resting my head against his. "As much as I wanna keep going," I touched his lips, "maybe we should go somewhere where we can't get struck by lightning."

Paul nodded, pulling me with him. I unwrapped my legs from his hips, looking up at him. I tried to fight the blush when I realized we were in public and how close we were intertwined. A rush of embarrassment spread through my body. I peeked around him, seeing that there wasn't anyone around. "Most of them left earlier. There are two people still in the water." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in. "I made sure we weren't in anyone's sight. I only want to be the one to see you like that."

I felt my face heat up at full force and my body tingle at his words. He grinned, kissing my cheek before taking my hand and intertwining our fingers, and heading back to where we had left our things. "Go back to my place?" I nodded, unable to verbalize any words. "Wolf got your tongue?"

I scoffed, shoving him lightly. "No. I'm just thinking about the continuation of earlier at your place." He stopped, staring down at me. I smirked, seeing his eyes darken. I walked past him, tugging on his hand. "Wolf got your tongue, baby?" Paul let go of my hand, and I felt myself being picked up, and I found myself a nice view of Paul's lower back. I laughed, tracing shaped into his lower back while he quickly sprinted to our stuff. "I can walk, and I dunno maybe help?" Paul ignored me as he bent down, gathering my bag and his board. He shifted me on his shoulder, tightening his grip on my thighs. "I really like when I catch you off guard." Paul set his board in the back of his truck, setting me down. He grabbed the back of my neck tenderly yet purposefully, pulling me to him quickly. I looked at him, startled as I braced my hand against his abs. The tingles in my body increased tenfold.

Paul grinned, brushing his nose against mine. "I like I get you to blush." He pulled away, setting my bag in my hand. He opened the passenger door, urging me in. I got in, only moving to feel my warm face when the door closed and he disappeared from view. I let my hand drop quickly when the driver's door opened. I scooted to the middle, grinning when he got in. Paul started the truck, grabbing my hand in his.

2:55 p.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

Paul hovered over her, taking in everything he could. He wanted her seared into his memory. She was utterly beautiful. Her dark hair was spread over his pillows, making her look like an angel, her lips were beautifully swollen like a sin, and her cheeks were dusted in the light pink color he loved so much. Her eyes opened, and her brown eyes were so full of comfort and warmth. He was hers, and he knew she was his. He could see it in her eyes. She grinned at him, reaching up to touch his skin. When Laryssa first touched him, she brought the sparks to his skin, but now her touch felt like comfort and home. He used to hate the idea of home. The home he had grown up in was lonely and cold. But when she touched him, it was warmth and comfort. She was becoming his home.

What he had with Laryssa was different than with Tiffany. With Tiffany, it was purely physical under the guise of being love. He honestly thought what he had with Tiffany was love, but now he recognized it wasn't. What he had made with Laryssa was better. They had created an emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual bond, and he felt like he could be genuinely vulnerable. He knew she would go to the ends of the earth for him. Just like he would for her. This morning only solidified it.

Paul now understood it as love. He loved her. Deep down, Paul knew it wasn't blind love at first when he saw her. It was a dose of affection and admiration. He had to take his time to learn who she was to him and why the imprint said her. He had to let the feelings of affection and admiration grow to be love.

"Come back to me," He heard her whisper, brushing her thumbs across his cheeks. He focused his eyes, taking great care to touch her softly.

"I'm here," Paul leaned down, letting his nose trail against the sensitive skin of her neck. She smelt like a mix of him and sea. "I'm here, Laryssa. Promise." The rain went from sprinkling to a downpour, and it only added to the intimacy they created. "I'm yours." Paul's lips closed around the sensitive part of her neck.

A small moan escaped her open lips as she held him to her. "You are mine, just like I'm yours." He heard the words pass her lips with ease. "Always."

Paul pulled back, looking down at her. She looked up at him, and he could see the shine in her eyes, her breathing pick up, and he could hear the pounding of her heart. He recognized the signs of when she felt overwhelmed. "At your pace Laryssa," He reminded gently, stroking her cheek. They didn't have to go into the next stage, not if she wasn't ready. He wasn't going to rush her.

She nodded, playing with the back of his hair. "I'm not ready. Not yet. I'm sorry."

Paul nodded in understanding, "You have nothing to apologize for." He leaned down, brushing his nose against hers to reassure her. He heard her breathing slow. "Can I hold you?"

Laryssa nodded, moving so he could lay beside her. She maneuvered herself into his arms. Paul tightened his arm around her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. But Paul knew it wasn't the right time. He didn't want the confession to pressure her. Right now, he was content to hold her close.