AN: As promised, not a 7 year wait for this update. Hope you like it. And merry christmas to everyone out there.

~ Chapter Four ~

In Memoriam

Tuesday October 2nd, 1990

Penelope's first month of teaching had gone much better than she had dared to hope. She was enjoying her work, spending time with her friends and former teachers and spending time with Severus; the two of them were seated next to each other at meals in the Great Hall and had grown accustomed to speaking of everything and nothing at least three times a day. Penelope had truly come to realize just how much she had missed him for the past eight years and how happy she was to finally call him her friend again.

On this evening however Penelope had chosen not to attend dinner in the Great Hall. She didn't feel like spending time with her colleagues and hundreds of students so instead she was sitting in her chambers with her big black cat, Archimedes, resting in her lap while she emptied the last of a bottle of elf made wine into her glass. Suddenly there was a knock on her door.

Penelope cleared her throat, "come in," she called out.

The door opened and Severus entered, closing the door behind him. He looked down at her, "you were not at dinner," he stated.

Penelope looked up at him, "once again your keen powers of observation amaze me," she replied sarcastically.

Severus stepped closer to her, "what's the matter? Are you alright?" he asked trying to hide the tone of concern in his voice.

"I'm fine," was her simple response.

Severus sat down in the sofa next to her, "you've drunk an entire bottle of elf made wine all on your own. You're clearly not fine," he stated.

She took the glass from the table and gulped down its entire content almost as if to prove a point. Then she put the glass back on the table and looked at Severus, "so? Why do you even care?"

Severus sighed, "because you and I are … friends. And friends care."

Penelope chuckled, "you've gone soft in your old age," she told him and continued, "you were never one for all of that touchy-feely stuff."

Severus said nothing but just sat there looking at her.

"Do you know what today is, Severus?" Penelope asked in a low voice.

"Today? It's Tuesday …" Severus said confused.

"The date, Severus."

"It's October sec–" Severus realized what was going on, "October 2nd", he finished.

"The Sickle drops at last," Penelope said, looking down at her hand stroking Archimedes.

"I'm sorry. I should have realized," Severus said.

"It's fine."

"Of course, it's not fine!" Severus all but yelled in frustration because of her attitude.

"Why not? I wouldn't expect you to remember that today is 'walk on eggshells around Penelope'-day," she said.

"Don't be like that, Penelope," Severus said, "your parents were murdered. You're allowed to feel like this today. No one would blame you."

"I've never seen you acting this pathetic once a year," Penelope stated.

"It's not the same." Severus said simply.

"How come?" Asked Penelope, "your mother was murdered by your father. Why isn't it the same?"

"Because we come from two completely different families," Severus replied, trying not to sound too annoyed, "you come from a loving home … I come from a family dominated by abuse by a father who was never shy of letting me know, how little he wanted me. Your parents loved you beyond measure."

Tears fell from Penelope's eyes, "I'm sorry, Severus," she whispered in a broken voice. "It's not fair of me to use your parents' death as some kind of ammunition."

"I didn't take it like that," Severus said, "think nothing of it."

They sat in silence for a while. Then he asked, "how long has it been?"

"17 years," Penelope sighed. "It's been so long, at times I feel like I'm forgetting them; the way they looked, their smell, their voices," her voice broke and she started crying again.

Severus moved a bit closer and put his arm somewhat awkwardly around her shoulders, "I know … Memories are fickle like that."

Penelope leaned into Severus' shoulder and he could feel her head nodding in agreement with his statement. "Have you ever looked at your memories of your parents in a Pensieve?" he asked.

She shook her head before mumbling, "I'm afraid it'll do more harm than good."

"Understandably," Severus answered, "but you can always ask Albus if you decide it's worth a try."

Penelope lifted her head and looked at him, "thank you."

He gave her the faintest of smiles.

~oOoOo~

Friday November 19th, 1976

For the past two and a half month Severus and Penelope had been partners during their Potions classes. A few days after their first meeting in Potions, Severus had noticed that they also took the same Arithmancy class and he had deliberately placed himself in the seat next to hers and Penelope had smiled at him with such genuine delight that he had no doubt that she wanted him to sit with her. As time had passed, they had started to talk about other things than homework and ingredients and moved on to what books they were reading, what they wanted to do when they left Hogwarts and such.
Both of them were the type to only miss a class if they were physically unable to leave the bed, so when Severus didn't show up for Potions class and hadn't been in Arithmancy two days earlier either, Penelope started to worry. Maybe he was seriously ill? Or maybe he'd been the victim of some kind of prank from Potter and Black and was left in the Infirmary? Just as their class was about to begin, she had asked her fellow Prefect and friend, Remus Lupin, if he knew of Potter and Black pulling anything on Severus recently, which Remus denied. Penelope decided there was only one way to find out; she stood up from her seat and walked to Professor Slughorn's desk.

"Excuse me, Professor," she said.

"Ah, miss Alisdair," the Professor said with a kind smile, "what can I help you with, dear girl?"

"Professor, I was wondering, if you as Severus' head of house would know why he hasn't been in class for days," Penelope said, "is he alright?"

"Oh," Professor Slughorn said and the gleam in his eyes changed to sadness, "seeing as the two of you are friends, I doubt Severus would mind me telling you."

Penelope nodded her head slightly and waited for the Professor to continue.

"I'm afraid Severus' parents died a few days ago," he told her.

"Oh, no. Poor Severus," Penelope said and was overcome with sadness on his behalf.

"Yes, it's very tragic," said the Professor, "I believe he will be back sometime during the weekend. If you don't want to work alone, you're welcome to join one of the other pairs."

"Oh. No, I'm fine on my own for today," Penelope told him, "thank you, Professor" and then she went back to her seat.

~oOoOo~

Saturday November 20th, 1976

The following afternoon Penelope went to the library. When browsing through the Potions section she suddenly saw Severus sitting at the far end of the aisle, looking out of the massive, rounded window. Slowly she approached him.

"Severus," she said in a quiet voice.

"Alisdair," he replied in a hollow voice, not bothering to turn and look at her. "I'm sorry I wasn't in Potions class yesterday."

Penelope swallowed, "don't worry about it." Hesitantly she lifted her hand and placed it on Severus' shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Severus."

Severus stiffened, "you know, then?"

"Yes, Slughorn told me yesterday," she replied.

"Well, he should learn to keep his big mouth shut!" Severus sneered and pulled away from Penelope's touch.

Instead, Penelope sat down opposite Severus and looked upon him, noticing his red rimmed eyes, "I'm sure he meant no harm."

"Still. It wasn't for him to share my secrets with every single person in the school!" Severus sneered.

"He didn't, Severus," Penelope said, putting her hand on top of his and squeezed it lightly, "he told me in confidence when I asked him where you were. I was concerned."

"Why?" Severus hissed at her, yet he didn't pull his hand away from hers. "Why do you care?"

"Because we're friends," she told him.

Severus scoffed, "friends?"

"Yes."

"Says who?" He asked.

"Well … I care for you and consider you a friend," Penelope said hesitantly, "if you don't feel the same, that's fine."

"I didn't say that" Severus said slightly above a whisper, "I just … I'm not worth befriending."

Penelope was sure this had something to do with Severus' former friendship to Lily Evans, but that wasn't a conversation she was going to start now. "Well, you don't get to decide whether or not I find you worthy of my friendship," she stated light-heartedly and smiled at him.

"If you say so" he said and moved his gaze back to look out the window.

They were both silent for a few minutes. Penelope's hand still covered Severus'. "I know this isn't easy for you," she told him, "but … if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here for you. And I … I understand how you're feeling right now."

At that Severus pulled his hand away from hers, "how dare you?" He all but yelled at her. "How could you possibly understand how I feel?!"

"I didn't mean to upset you, Severus, I'm sorry," she said.

"You should be!" He sneered, "you don't know a bloody thing about how I feel!"

"I … I think I do actually," she said in a low voice.

Severus scoffed again, "how could you possibly understand? Because you read about it in one of your precious novels at some point?" He asked in a scornful voice.

"No!" Penelope sneered back, annoyed that he didn't let her finish.

"How then?" He asked angrily.

"I understand because my parents died too!" She yelled at him.

This caused Severus to grow quiet. He looked at her, a shameful look overtaking his face. "I … I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"You never asked," Penelope muttered.

"When?" He asked.

"Third year." She told him, "you wouldn't have noticed my absence from school back then."

"How did they die?" Severus asked.

"Some kind of potions accident." Penelope answered, "my brother didn't want me to know the details; said it was too awful."

"I'm sorry." Severus said.

"Yes, you said that already." Penelope said. "What happened to your parents?"

Severus took a deep breath before answering, "it would seem my father finally grew tired of having a freak for a wife, so he stabbed her with a knife before offing himself." Penelope saw thick tears escaped Severus' eyes and roll down his cheeks before he managed to wipe them away with his sleeve.

"Oh, Severus." She said and moved over to sit next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm just so … angry at him for taking my mum away from me." Severus said, "she may not have been the world's greatest mum, but she was my mum."

Penelope pulled Severus into a hug. At first, he stiffened slightly but when Penelope whispered, "I know" into his hair, he broke down in a sob and clung to her for dear life. And they sat like that for a long time, wrapped in a fierce hug until Severus stopped sobbing.

AN: I'll do my best to have the next chapter up within a few days again.

x Karina