(A/N: Long chapter incoming! Sorry about that :P)
Anxiety.
Regina has experienced it a thousand times.
Anxiety over certain clothes.
Anxiety over walking up the stairs.
Anxiety over stepping into the world again.
There were so many things to be afraid of.
But sometimes anxiety wasn't just fear and your belly pinching and your shoulders bunching.
Sometimes anxiety was butterflies flittering about in your belly. Sometimes anxiety was of the good kind.
Regina's stomach was indeed full of butterflies. And now she stood here in front of the mirror and tried to get used to this good kind of anxiety. She sucked in her cheeks and studied her reflection. Her hair was soft and smooth. Her lips had been painted red. Her eyes had been lined and looked darker than they actually were. She had done a decent job at doing an appropriate 'date-makeup.
She had chosen a nice dress too. A classic black dress with little tulip sleeves and a belt with a gold buckle that accentuated her waistline. The dress ended just a little above her knees, and even though there wasn't even the barest hint of cleavage, it was without a doubt the most daring dress Regina had worn in a long, long time.
But she looked good. Regina fluffed up her hair and adjusted the belt around her waist. She could not remember the last time she had worn this dress. Or any dress, really. And she was baffled that she wasn't feeling anxious over wearing this dress. Feeling pretty was a rarity for Regina, but tonight she did. Tonight she felt like a sliver of her old self had come back.
If only her throat would stop hurting. It had started early this afternoon and then gradually worsened. Regina had taken a muscle relaxer a few hours ago, and she would take one more tonight if she had to.
Because nothing was going to prevent her from going on a date with Emma Swan.
Regina walked over to her closet and found a cream colored scarf. Returned to the mirror so she could see what she was doing. She tied it in an elegant bow around her neck, careful not make the fabric rub against her throat. There. Now she looked very nice. Ready to go out. Ready for her date.
Date.
God, Regina still couldn't believe it. That she was going out on a date. That a nice, sweet woman who could have whoever she wanted, had asked HER out.
She fluffed up her hair one more time. Smiled encouragingly at her own reflection. Smiling. That was a new thing too. Regina could not remember the last time she had been smiling this much. She almost felt... silly. God, how ridiculous. When was the last time she had been silly? When was the last time she had been excited about something?
Regina shook her head slightly at the way her cheeks seemed to be glowing. It was odd, seeing herself like that. There was a hint of someone younger in her eyes. Something who was more optimistic.
Regina remembered that girl.
She remembered herself as a silly sixteen year old. Of course she remembered. But it had been a long, long time since she last had seen that girl.
Had the girl come to stay?
Regina hoped so.
But that was enough pondering for one night.
She turned her back on the puzzling reflection and left the bedroom.
Her high heels clacked against the floor as she walked down the hallway, and Regina felt very satisfied upon hearing the sound. That sound reminded her of old times. Of herself walking down the corridor at the university, on her way to teach her next class.
But she was not on her way to teach her next class.
She was on her way out.
On a date.
At some point she HAD to wrap her head around it.
And preferably before she met Emma tonight.
She made it downstairs and went into the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water. Perhaps that would help soothing her throat a little. Why did it have to act up tonight? It was so annoying. Regina hoped that this would not turn into one of those nights where the pain kept her awake for hours and hours. She did not want her night to end like that.
But swallowing hurt tonight.
It really did.
Damnit.
Regina made a face as she gobbled down another mouthful of water. So she would have to settle for soup tonight. Very well. She supposed she could live with that. Since it couldn't be any different.
As long as she was able to go tonight.
That was the most important thing.
Regina opened her purse and took a look inside. Car keys. Money. Medicine. Lipstick. She had everything she needed. Good.
"Look at you."
Regina turned around and was greeted by her sister. Zelena was in casual sweatpants, red hair piled up on her head in a messy bun and her laptop wedged under her arm. She was clearly on her way into the office to do some work. Henry was upstairs in his room, highly engaged in some game on his computer. Regina had heard him talk to Nick through his headset when she went in there earlier to check up on him. And make sure that he was not playing anything that was too violent. He was not. He had never been one for violent computer games.
"You look great," Zelena continued, smiling.
Regina bowed her head in gratitude. She did look pretty decent tonight.
"You're gonna blow Emma's mind, I'm sure," Zelena said jokingly.
Regina tilted her head to the side as she considered it. Did she want to blow Emma's mind?
Well. She was mainly dressing up for her own sake. Because she for once had felt like wearing a dress.
But she supposed that there was a small part of her that wanted to impress Emma. To 'blow her mind'.
How fascinating.
Regina smiled at her sister. That would have to be answer enough for now.
"Are you nervous about tonight?" Zelena asked. And the nonchalance in her voice was most definitely forced.
Regina lifted a hand and let it move back and forward in the air in a 'so-so'-manner. She supposed she was a bit nervous about tonight. A date was such a big thing. She couldn't remember the last time she had been on a date. And a date with a woman no less. That had definitely been a while.
Regina took another sip of her water and tried not to wince at the way it passed through her throat. That hurt. Damnit. She was used to experiencing these 'diffuse' throat pains, but why tonight of all nights? It was such bad timing!
She took another sip of the water in an attempt to 'flush' the pain out.
It didn't help much.
But perhaps she could distract herself from the aching sensation. Visualize or something.
It didn't take long before Emma Swan's pretty smile popped into her mind.
That smile.
The way tiny wrinkles appeared around her eyes.
The way her mouth curled and gave way to dimples in her cheeks.
Regina liked dimples.
She liked dimples a lot.
She also liked big, genuine smiles like Emma's.
And blonde hair that lifted whenever the wind blew.
And Emma had smelled really nice last night. Fresh.
She had pretty hands too.
Had it been possible for her, Regina definitely would have scoffed. That was quite enough visualizing for one evening.
But it couldn't be denied that Emma had a really pretty smile.
One of those big happy ones that made her entire face light up.
God.
What was she? Sixteen years old?
"Look at you smiling," Zelena observed, smiling herself.
Regina was quick to sport a more neutral facial expression. The answer was clearly yes. It would appear that she was sixteen years old. At least she was thinking like one.
But she wasn't genuinely annoyed about her thoughts. No, she was happy that she was still able to feel like this.
She thought that those days were long gone.
Of course she could not tell what would happen in the future, but if anything, this had taught her that she could still feel.
And that was one of the things Regina had been so worried about being unable to. Feel. She had been feeling numb for so long. Except for when she was with her son. And now someone that was not Henry or family had managed to make her something.
A creak was heard at the top of the stairs, and it did not take long before Henry came 'dumping' downstairs.
"Why hello there, favorite nephew," Zelena half-chuckled. "Dinner will be served in an hour."
"What are we having?" Henry asked curiously.
"Spaghetti with meatballs and salad," Zelena announced as though she was giving him the moon. "Doesn't that sound too good?"
"Mmm," Henry grinned. Then he looked at his mother. "You look really pretty, mom!"
Regina smiled and ruffled his hair. Her son was a right charmer. Someday he would charm all the girls. Or boys. Whatever suited him. As long as he was happy. That was the most important thing.
"Where is it that you're going tonight?" Henry asked.
Regina sat her glass of water down and wiggled her fingers in the air. 'To Tony's in Steveston.'
"With Emma," Henry concluded with a little nod. "She was nice. I like her."
Yes, he had said that a dozen of times already. Neither Regina nor Zelena had mentioned the word 'date', and Regina wondered if Henry knew that this was in fact a date.
"When will you come home?" Henry asked, suddenly concerned now. "Are you gonna be home really late?"
God no. That was definitely not the intention. Not at all. Regina hastily shook her head and signed: 'I will be home early."
"Oh." Some of the tension left Henry's face. "Okay."
Over the top of his shoulder, Regina exchanged a look with Zelena. Before 'it' and the hospital, Henry had never asked what time she would be home. He was only delighted at unlimited time spent with his aunt. Now he was different. Now he was concerned. Now he asked what time she would be home. Because he wasn't comfortable with her being out too late. Because he was scared of loosing her again. They would have to work on that. Regina would do her utmost to help her boy through the trauma he had suffered. Helping her son was her first priority.
But she would lie if she claimed that it wasn't hard.
Because it was.
It was hard to help someone through a trauma when she herself had suffered a trauma.
But she had done her best. She was DOING her best. She had taken tiny steps towards 'better' these days, and Henry had not suffered from night terrors last night. That was something, right?
It had to be something.
Regina smiled reassuringly at her son and then reached for her glass of water. Her throat felt a bit dry.
But swallowing hurt tonight. Not like it had on the hospital when it felt like she was swallowing shards of glass, but still painful enough for her to accidentally ending up making a face even though it was not the intention.
"Mom?" Henry said immediately. "Are you okay?"
"Does your throat hurt?" Zelena asked gently.
Regina blatantly lied as she shook her head and smiled reassuringly once more. Perhaps her throat did hurt, but that was not something she was going to burden her family with. She did not want them to worry about her if she could avoid it.
They had already worried plenty about her.
'Wrong tube,' she signed, adding to the lie. And that lie was actually rather plausible. Since her throat wasn't so strong yet, coughing was something that had to be done in awkward little jerks.
"Oh," Henry said, nodding his understanding.
Zelena didn't seem so easily convinced though, but Regina flashed her a pleading look. Please go along on the lie. I don't want him to worry.
Luckily, Zelena did not delve further into the subject, and for that Regina was grateful. It was just an ache. It would get better. It had to. She checked her purse one last time just to make sure that her bottle of pills really was there. It was. Then she checked the time on her phone. Oh. She should get going. Otherwise she would end up being late, and they couldn't have that. All day, she had been nervous about the state of the road. Whether it would get iced over so she couldn't drive. But fortunately enough, the road had not frozen over. Driving to Steveston shouldn't be a problem at all.
She zipped her purse and smiled at her son and sister to signalize that she would be leaving now.
"Have fun," Zelena said, voice coated with hidden meaning. "And text me when you drive home, will you?"
Translation: 'I want to know everything about the date.'
Regina tried not to roll her eyes at her sister's badly hidden curiosity. But she wasn't annoyed. Not really. Zelena being curious about her dating life reminded her of old times.
Dating life. Regina quelled a smile as she walked into the hallway to put on her coat. Now who would have thought that she could ever get a dating life again? But now she had. Emma had asked her out. And maybe it was too soon for her to date, but she had said yes because it had felt right. And if it felt right it couldn't be completely bad, could it?
Regina had learned a lot about trusting her instincts. And her instincts told her good things about Emma Swan.
After having put on her coat, she glanced at her little collection of shoes. Which pair should she choose? Of course the boots with the closed nose would be the most sensible choice to go with.
But Regina was wearing sheer stockings. And she was not in the mood to chose sensible footwear. After a moments consideration, she grabbed a pair that had delicate straps that tied up her ankle and a thin stiletto heel. Seven inches and one of her favorite pair of shoes. It had been a while since she last wore these pair of shoes, but she was more than willing to give it a shot. Tonight was a special occasion after all. She crouched down and elegantly slipped her feet inside the shoes and tied the straps around her ankles. Then she rose to her full height again. Oh. She had forgotten how tall she became when wearing these shoes.
"Look at you," Zelena said again. Her voice was soft. She almost sounded like a proud mother.
Regina flashed her a little smile and did a mock spin to silently say 'ta-dah'.
Henry who had followed them into the hallway giggled slightly.
Next, Regina put on her usual fur-collar coat. It was a cold evening, and she was not interested in freezing. She carefully buttoned the coat all the way up to her chin and brushed a hand over it.
"You look very nice," Zelena said.
Regina smiled at her sister. She did feel like she was looking very nice. And for one reason or the other, she didn't feel overly nervous either. She found that to be quite puzzling, but she was not about to work herself into a frenzy over it.
And besides, she would probably be plenty nervous later when she was seated across Emma.
She raised the strap on her purse up on her shoulder and then wiggled her fingers in the air. 'Well, I'm off.'
"Have fun," Zelena said. "And don't forget to text me."
How would Regina ever be able to forget that? Zelena had continuously reminded her of it all day.
"Say hi to Emma for me!" Henry piped up.
Regina smiled at her son and nodded. Yes, she would definitely remember to do that.
Zelena flashed her an encouraging smile and an 'you've got this' thumbs up, and Regina left the house feeling optimistic that she actually COULD do this. Go on a date.
She climbed inside the car, twisted the key in the engine and felt relieved when the car came alive right away. It had been such a cold night, and she had been worried that the engine had frozen over or something like that.
But thankfully, that was not the case, and Regina could easily maneuver the car out of the parking lot and onto the road. The road was a bit icy but nothing to be concerned about. Nothing to build a problem around. Regina was excellent at building problems around minor things. She did not want to do that tonight. Tonight she wanted to be relaxed. Laid back.
Was that even possible for her?
She wasn't sure about that.
But she would definitely try.
Wanted to prove to herself that she could do this.
And she wanted this to be a good experience for Emma. A good date.
She let Steve Winwood and 'Finer Things' fill out the sound side, and she tried not to get annoyed at how she was not able to sing along. Once upon a time she had really enjoyed singing.
But she did not want to make herself upset. Not tonight. Instead she went over the contents of her purse one more time. Cellphone. Painkillers. Makeup bag. Pencil. Wallet. Post-it notes. A whole stack of them, and one that had been pre-written. She had everything she needed.
Regina switched up the volume on Steve Winwood and felt delighted at how she did not get a headache. Perhaps she could finally start enjoying loud music again. She had done that a lot in the past. She smiled a little at the memory of herself and Henry dancing around in the kitchen while loudly singing along to Disney songs. Those had been the days.
Maybe she and Henry would be able to do that again. Not singing, obviously. Those days were definitely over with. But the dancing part. That was still very much a possibility, was it not?
Regina took a moment to mull over her mental health. It changed so much and so quickly. One moment she was fine, and the next, waves of sadness rolled over her without preamble. She could have been having a perfectly fine day and then end the night on a really unhappy note.
But she did not want to worry about that tonight.
Rather than fearing that her mental health suddenly would take a nose-dive, she would instead assume that she would continue to be fine for the rest of the night.
Steve Winwood stopped singing and was replaced with Bobby Darin and Dream Lover. Now Regina was smiling again. Another memory had just popped into her head. The memory of herself dancing on her father's feet while he was crooning along to Dream Lover. Every so often, Cora would come into the room and scoff and call them a silly pair. But she nevertheless always smiled when Regina's father sang extra loudly. Again, he was the only one who could soften his tough wife.
Yes, Cora had been a tough wife. And a tough mother. As a child and teenager, Regina had often been irritated by that, but now she couldn't help but feeling slightly grateful for her mother. Cora had toughened her up. And perhaps that was a good thing. Regina had been in many situations where she needed to be tough.
But she did not want to think about that now.
No.
She was on her way on a date with a sweet woman.
That was the only thing she wanted to think about at the moment.
And the fact that her head still didn't hurt.
Only her throat. Unfortunately...
She was not late this evening. She was right on time. Thank god.
But somehow, Emma Swan had managed to be even earlier than her.
Regina immediately spotted her as she sat there on a bench outside Tony's. Her hair was blowing gently in the wind.She was in jeans and that familiar leather jacket, and Regina now more than suspected that Emma Swan did not own any other jackets.
Why was she sitting on the bench in this weather? She had to be freezing cold. Why had she not opted for going inside the restaurant and wait instead?
Regina silently answered the question.
Because Emma Swan was waiting for her. Because she had been afraid that Regina would not show up.
Regina felt a bit angry now. Not because of Emma's assumption, but because she clearly had been stood up a lot in the past. Regina felt baffled. Why would anyone wanna stand up Emma Swan? The thought alone seemed ridiculous.
Regina took a quick glance at herself in the mirror. Just to make sure that her hair was still sitting as it should. It did. And her makeup had not slid off either. Good. That was good. She took a deep breath. Now she actually felt a bit nervous. But still in that good way. The butterfly-way.
Goodness. It had been ages since the prospect of going out had filled Regina's stomach with anything but shards of glass.
But this was different.
Emma Swan was different.
After having taken a deep breath, Regina opened the door and got out of the car. Careful not to trip on the slightly icy path, she put one foot in front of the other. Maybe the high heels had been a tad too optimistic. As she walked towards the bench, she noted that Emma Swan had lifted her head and was looking up. Excited. Good. So was Regina. She walked towards the bench, and when she made it there, Emma Swan jumped to her feet and that huge, happy smile spread across her face. God, Regina's stomach did funny things whenever Emma smiled like that.
"Hi," Emma grinned and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear.
Regina returned the smile and reached within the pocket of her coat, finding that note she had written at home saying 'hello'. She liked greeting Emma as the first thing rather than having to fumble around with her phone first. She handed Emma the note and earned herself another smile.
"I'm really starving," Emma announced as she stuffed the note inside the pocket of her leather jacket. "I hope you're hungry too?"
Absolutely. Regina nodded firmly to show how hungry she was.
"Are you ready to head inside?"
Regina smiled as she nodded. It would have been so easy for Emma to just go 'come on' and lead the way, but she had asked instead. Regina found that to be very considerate.
"Cool."
The youthful phrase made Regina smile yet again, and as they walked towards the restaurant, she noted that Emma was walking next to her rather than walking ahead of her. That was really nice too.
Once inside, they stopped for a moment to relieve themselves of their coats. Regina loosened the belt in her coat and unbuttoned it.
Emma did the same, and Regina took a discreet glance of what Emma had chosen to wear tonight. Jeans. Silk-top with little straps. Very nice. Very date appropriate.
But also a bit... concerning. Regina frowned slightly as she slipped off her coat. Was she too overdressed? Maybe the dress was a little too much. Damnit. She should have chosen her more sensible slacks with a nice blazer over it instead. That would have been more appropriate.
It looked like she was trying too hard. Like she was overcompensating for something. Maybe she was.
But it was too late to do anything about her outfit now. Regina adjusted the scarf-bow around her neck to make sure it was still sitting where she wanted it to sit, and then she and Emma continued inside the restaurant itself.
At the front desk, they were greeted by a smiling young waitress.
"Reservation for Emma Swan?" Emma asked the perky young waitress at the front desk after having gone over the mandatory 'good evening'.
The waitress smiled and nodded. "Sure, just follow me, ladies."
As they followed the waitress through the restaurant, Regina thought to herself that it would be wonderful to be that perky all the time.
They followed her through the restaurant, and Regina felt a bit relieved when they were guided towards a table in the corner. This suited her very well. She wouldn't have liked sitting right in the middle of the room.
"Your table is right here," said the waitress and smiled widely. "Nice and private. Plenty of opportunity to talk in peace."
Regina couldn't quite help the sound of amusement escaping her. Talk in peace. Right. Not going to happen.
Emma turned her head quickly. She looked completely puzzled, and Regina was quick to smile slightly and then shake her head a little. It didn't take long before Emma was shaking her head too, so Regina figured that she understood the attempt at humor.
"Thank you," Emma said politely to the waitress.
Regina settled for smiling. Of course.
"I'll be right here to take your orders," the waitress assured as she walked away.
Regina and Emma sat down at the table, and Regina looked around, taking in her surroundings. The lights were dimmed in here, creating a very cozy atmosphere. The white table-cloth covering the table was very date-esque, and so were the lit candles. On the radio, Dean Martin was crooning 'That's Amore', and Regina realized how much of a 'proper' date this was. Of course she had expected that, but nevertheless. She couldn't remember the last time she had been on a proper date.
"Do you want a starter or anything?" Emma asked, making Regina snap out of it.
She smiled and shook her head. She didn't need a starter. She preferred saving her appetite for the main course. And honestly, she wasn't sure her throat could handle too much tonight. She still had an ache. Unfortunately.
"Straight to the main course?"
Regina nodded in confirmation. That suited her just fine.
"Great!" Emma said briskly, glancing at her menu.
Regina did the same. Though she already knew what she would be having. Creamy tomato soup. Regina had recently taken quite the shine to soup, and she had become pretty good at making them. But obviously, a soup that someone else had made would taste better.
"Okay, but we're definitely having dessert!" Emma exclaimed, green eyes gleaming. "They have tiramisu!" she looked up at Regina again. "Do you like tiramisu?"
Regina nodded, completely sharing her excitement. She actually really loved tiramisu. And tiramisu was soft. Her sore throat could easily handle tiramisu.
"Awesome." Emma quickly glanced at her menu again. "I think I'll have Fettucine Alfredo. That sounds really delicious. Have you decided on anything?"
Regina reached within her purse and found a post-it and pencil. Having to look down when she was sitting across someone was highly annoying, but there was no way around it. And luckily, it didn't take that long to write the message she had intended: 'I'd like to have the tomato soup. But would you mind ordering for me? I do so dislike pointing and writing it down is a bit awkward especially when it's a restaurant I haven't visited before.' She really detested pointing. And drawing attention to herself. Emma ordering for her was so much easier. Though the irony was not lost on Regina. In the past, when she was on a restaurant with Killian, he always ordered for her before she could get the chance to say anything. Now she literally COULDN'T say anything and needed help with ordering.
But this was different.
Killian had just ordered on her behalf. Without her consent.
And she had just given Emma permission to order for her.
Much different.
Emma was not Killian.
Not at all.
"Sure," Emma said lightly. "No problem."
Regina smiled gratefully. Silently thanking Emma for not making it awkward.
It didn't take long before the perky waitress came back to their table, and she first asked what they wanted to drink.
"Water for both of us?" Emma asked and glanced at Regina.
Regina nodded in confirmation. Felt another rush of gratitude. Emma had asked her rather than assuming. As minor as that seemed, it really meant a lot.
"Water for both of us," Emma told the waitress. "And I'd like the Fettucine Alfredo, and-"
"Okay," the waitress interrupted, scribbled down and then turned to Regina. "And what can I get for you?"
"She would like the tomato soup," Emma answered and gave Regina a discreet look of 'did I get it right?'.
Regina gave a subtle nod. That was completely right.
"Okay," the waitress said, looking a bit confused, but quickly sobering up: "I'll be right there with your drinks."
"Thanks," Emma said.
The waitress walked off, and Emma turned her attention back to Regina. "So. This is a bit different from the dining area in the train."
Indeed. Feeling thoroughly amused, Regina nodded. Thought back to their train-dinners. Those had been nice. Really nice.
"I'm glad we're doing this," Emma continued softly and smiled herself.
So was Regina. But she couldn't help but feeling a bit insecure too. This was hardly like the dates Emma normally went on. How could it possibly be? Communication was the key-word in dating. That was how you got to know someone. And how could you get to know someone when you couldn't talk to them? Answer them?
Before she got too lost in her own head, Regina gave a quick nod.
"What?" Emma asked as she raised an eyebrow.
Perceptive. She had clearly spotted the subtle hint of concern on Regina's face. She didn't want Emma to be worried, though. So she shrugged lightly as to say, 'never mind.'
"No, what is it?" Emma insisted. Clearly not settling for 'never mind'. "Tell me."
Well. Now Emma had encouraged her to share her feelings and she sounded so genuinely interested, so it would be rude to rebuff her.
Regina reached within her purse again and found a new post-it note. She brought the pencil down and started scribbling what she felt. What she was concerned about. Might as well just be honest. 'This is hardly the kind of date you're used to. The foundation for a successful date is conversation, and that's pretty difficult in my case. Are you sure you don't mind this? The one sided conversation. Post-it notes all over the table.' Before she could regret the display of honesty, she pushed the note towards Emma.
Emma took a moment to read it and then she looked up again. "You have nothing to worry about, Regina," she said firmly. "I'm not used to anything when it comes to dates. This is actually already shaping up to being one of the best dates I've ever been on."
No way. Regina raised an eyebrow. Emma thought that her date with the mute woman was one of the best dates she had ever been on? Impossible.
Oh. Right. She was not supposed to think that about herself. She was not supposed to give herself harmful nicknames. Oops.
"I'm serious," Emma said. Still sounding very firm.
Regina shook her head slightly, but she did not want to go as far as arguing with Emma. And for whatever reason, she actually believed what Emma said.
Emma grinned a little. Clearly feeling victorious, and Regina thought to herself that that grin was quite the good look on her. Emma Swan had many smiles, Regina was discovering. And she had a feeling that all of them were quite pretty.
"You're beautiful."
The exclamation completely took Regina by surprise, and for a moment she thought that she had heard wrong. But then her heart started thudding in this awkward rhythm.
She couldn't remember the last time she had received a compliment from someone who was not her son or her sister.
She couldn't remember the last time she had received a compliment while at a restaurant.
'Beautiful' was an odd concept to Regina.
She couldn't remember the last time she had felt beautiful.
She rarely did.
She hadn't wanted to be beautiful.
Because beauty, her looks, was what had drawn Killian to her in the first time.
Beauty was something she had gotten in trouble over many, many times.
Her physical appearance had made Killian call her a 'man-magnet'.
And other things that were worse.
But Regina couldn't help the way she looked.
It was not her fault.
And Emma thought that she was beautiful.
That was really nice.
Regina did not find herself beautiful, but she completely believed Emma when SHE found her to be beautiful.
She smiled and then shook her head ever so slightly.
And then the waitress came over with their drinks.
When she was gone, Emma lifted her glass, smiled and said: "cheers."
Regina raised her glass as well. They toasted. Emma took a sip of her water. Regina did the same. A large mouthful. Her throat felt very dry. But as soon as she swallowed the water, her throat started cramping. Badly. Oh god, that really hurt. What the hell? This was not fair. Why did her muscle had to cramp so much when she was out on a date?
There was only one thing to do.
Regina sat the glass of water down and reached within her purse one more time. Found her bottle of pills and popped the lid off. Let one of the little white pills slide into her hand. She really hated taking medicine in front of others. And taking it in front of a date... Well, that was just awful. A horrible impression to give someone. She didn't want Emma Swan to feel like she was dating a sick woman.
But she had no other choice.
She took the pill with lots of water. Ouch. Her throat was extremely dry, and the muscles incredibly sore for whatever reason. As she rubbed at her throat above the scarf, she wondered if she should feel worried about this. If it continued, she would have to reach out to her doctor. But for now, she chose to assume that she had just ended up putting pressure on the wound while sleeping. She couldn't feel any swelling or oozing from the wound, so for now, there was no real reason to be concerned.
"Are you okay?"
Regina nodded a bit and found a new post-it note. Began to scribble. She owed Emma some clarification. And again, she chose to be honest. Because why not? 'Sometimes swallowing hurts. The muscles cramps and makes it difficult. The pills I take relaxes the muscles and makes it easier to swallow.' She carefully waited until Emma had swallowed a mouthful of water, and then she pushed the note across the table towards Emma.
Emma bowed her head over the note for a moment as she read. Then she looked up again. Concern was etched onto her face as she said: "Oh, I see. Are you... Is it okay for you to eat?"
So considerate of her to ask. Regina could imagine that others would settle for 'oh, right' and then shy away from the subject. But Emma Swan did not. And that was really refreshing. Regina smiled and nodded reassuringly.
Emma still looked concerned, though. She frowned and locks of blonde hair fell down on either side of her face as she leaned forward slightly. "Is it... Is it always like that?" she asked shyly.
The question did not rattle Regina. She was actually relieved at being asked about her 'condition' rather than being treated like she was ill. She began scribbling on a new note and noticed that Emma's stomach was growling slightly. Someone was hungry. When she was done writing, she looked at the words for a moment. 'no, not all the time. It variates a lot. Depends on how tired I am, etc.' that was not too diffuse an explanation. She pushed the note towards Emma.
Emma was quick to read the message, and when she looked up again, she looked even more worried. "Does that mean tonight is a bad night?"
Regina didn't want to waste time on writing on a new note. Emma already looked plenty concerned. She wrote underneath the first message: 'no, not at all.' that was not a lie. Although her throat did hurt, it could have been so much worse. Like it was in the hospital where she could barely move without feeling pain. That had been really bad.
"Oh. Good." Emma leaned back once more, and when she spoke again, she had adopted a much lighter tone. "How is the house hunting going?"
The prospect of finally giving good news made Regina eager. She found a new post-it note and began scribbling on it as quickly as she could without making her handwriting too much of a mess. 'It's going rather well. I think we might have found something suitable. An apartment not too far away from my sister's, but we can't move in until in six months.'
"Six months? Urgh, that sucks."
Mhmm. It did. The longer it took, the less courageous Regina would be about moving out of her sister's place. But she was not gonna back out. Of course not. To distract herself, she gently took back the note and wrote a new question underneath. 'How about you? Have you found something you'd want to live in?'
"Well, there is this one place," Emma replied and folded her hands lightly. Her green eyes shone with careful optimism. "It's really amazing. It's a house, not an apartment, but it's like, crazy expensive. I'd have to work nonstop for about a hundredth years to be able to afford a place like that. I'll probably try and find an apartment instead. I think that's more sensible. Don't you?"
That did make sense, yes. Regina scribbled down a new question. 'And how is the job going?'
"Oh, it's going super well," Emma beamed. Now her eyes were full of real optimism. "I love it more and more each day. I've started to edit manuscripts as well as reading them now! Isn't that awesome? And I might even get my own office soon. I mean, a better office. I technically have an office already, but it's not very big, and it gets cluttered super easily, so I'm really looking forward to hopefully get a bigger workspace." She concluded her excited speech with a large mouthful of water, and Regina smiled as she wrote on a new post-it note. She found Emma's excitement to be very sweet. And she was happy that the blonde was finally doing something she loved. She deserved that. Regina was happy that Malena could see Emma's potential. 'That is excellent news. I am happy to hear that you are thriving. You deserve to work with something you love.' she gave Emma the note, and as Emma read, she was most definitely blushing. The touch of rose in her cheeks was very pretty. Regina suddenly caught herself wishing that Emma would blush more, and to distract herself from that silly thought, she took the note back and wrote an afterthought under the first message: 'I've been given the opportunity to get a job as well. Online classes in literature at the University of British Columbia. I'd both be deciding the subjects, set up modules and help the students via email.' Then she gave the note back to Emma.
"Really?" Emma said after having read the new message. "That's awesome news! You're going to say yes, aren't you?"
Regina shrugged in a 'we'll see'-manner.
"What? You have to!" Emma insisted. "It sounds like an amazing opportunity."
It was an amazing opportunity. Honestly, Regina wasn't completely sure why she was hesitating. This kind of job was exactly what she had been hoping for, so really, it did not make sense for her to be hesitant. She should have been jumping with excitement at the opportunity at getting back to work in a field she knew so well.
Perhaps she had grown too comfortable in her little bubble with Zelena and Henry. Regina hurried as she wrote a new message. She had just spotted the waitress coming towards their table, and she did not want to be scribbling when their food arrived. Her handwriting was a bit slobby in the new message. 'There's a good chance I'll say yes. I would be able to work from home and be there for Henry at all times. I think he'd love that. Though he'd probably see it as an opportunity to have me respond to his every summon.'
"I doubt that," Emma chuckled. She clearly had no problem with reading Regina's clumsy hand-writing.
Regina didn't agree, but she did not get the chance to argue before their food was sat in front of them. One Fettucine Alfredo for Emma, and one creamy tomato soup for Regina. It looked absolutely delicious.
"Bon Appetit!" The waitress said as she left, and Regina and Emma exchanged a look. Such a callback to their train-ride.
"Oh my god, that looks so delicious!" Emma exclaimed.
Regina could only agree with that. Everything looked and smelled so delicious. She was hungry and traded the pencil for the spoon.
"Bon Appetit," Emma joked, grabbing her fork and digging into her food.
Regina too delved into her food. She dunked her spoon into the soup and brought it up to her lips. The first mouthful was absolutely delicious. Exactly as creamy as it looked. And her throat did not hurt. Regina was very satisfied with her meal. She reminded herself not to slurp, though. She was a lady, and ladies did not slurp their soup. And especially not when they were on a date.
And a very good date too.
Emma was still an incredibly nice woman.
Sweet.
Funny.
Smart.
And beautiful.
She possessed many of the qualities Regina would look for in a potential partner.
Of course it was too soon to think about that, of course.
But it was going exceptionally well, Regina had to admit that.
"Does it taste as good as it looks?"
Regina was starting to feel a little giddy, and she ended up mouthing a word she wouldn't normally use.
"Awe... Awesome?" Emma guessed.
Regina nodded in confirmation and smiled to show Emma that she didn't mean the mockery that badly.
Emma laughed, and Regina had never found it more difficult to concentrate on eating soup. That smile. That damned smile.
Her heart seemed to thud differently in her chest.
The change was not a huge one, but it was definitely there.
However impossible it sounded, her heart was still functioning.
Barely, but nevertheless.
Regina found that to be pretty incredible.
It had been right of her to say yes to going out with Emma tonight. She had a feeling that she would have regretted it if she had not.
Thank god she had said yes. Exactly like at the Harvest Festival, Regina felt so much at ease. So comfortable and... well, almost... happy.
How exceptional.
It continued to go well.
The food was exceptional. The conversation flowed. They discussed books (Regina had recently finished Madame Bovary for the third time and had some thoughts about that), and of course the Harvest Festival was mentioned again. Regina let Emma know that Henry was still talking about how awesome everything had been and how badly he wanted to come back to Steveston again. Emma laughed and said that that could be nice.
Once they had finished their meals and had sat for a while, Emma suggested dessert. Regina was feeling sort of stuffed and raised an eyebrow. Tempted to decline. But then Emma dramatically announced that she refused to eat tiramisu all on her own. Regina simply HAD to say yes.
Thoroughly amused at that, Regina had surrendered and nodded.
Tiramisu had been ordered, and Regina re-discovered how much she actually loved tiramisu. She was almost done eating as quickly as Emma was, and Emma of course had some things to say about that. In the end, Regina had revealed that she didn't often indulge in sweets.
Which obviously had prompted Emma to announce that she would buy her lots of pies and tiramisu in the future.
That had made Regina roll her eyes in amusement, and sure enough, Emma had blushed in the most endearing way.
Emma actually did many things that were endearing. The way she flicked her long hair away from her face was endearing. The way she almost spoke with her hands when she was excited about a subject was endearing.
And of course the way she smiled.
Regina's heart did that awkward, foreign thing again.
Perhaps she was too fragile. Perhaps it was too soon. And perhaps it wouldn't even work out because she had too many secrets and was too damaged, but...
God, Regina hoped that there would be a second date!
She could not remember the last time she had felt this relaxed in a restaurant.
No more glares.
No more harmful comments if she was eating her food too eagerly.
No more too strong grips on her hand if she was smiling at the waiter or waitress to be polite.
No more hissed comments about her outfit or hair and how she could have made a bigger effort to dress up.
Because Emma was not him.
Because Emma was different.
It was getting darker outside. The time had gone so quickly, and even though Regina would have liked this very successful date to continue, she knew that she had to get home. To her son.
Emma smiled at her, and Regina returned the smile before glancing at the table. It was full of post-its. She pursed her lips slightly. What a mess she had made.
"Do you think we should...?" Emma gestured vaguely towards the door. She was clearly reluctant too.
Regina nodded, and they rose from their chairs. She scooped all the post-its into her purse. Didn't want the waitress to be the one responsible for moving all the post-its. Emma went up to the counter and paid for their meal, and Regina was worried for a moment. This had been expensive. First dinner and then dessert. And her hunch told her that Emma did not have overflowing amounts of money. She hated the idea of Emma spending her money on her.
They found their coats and then left the restaurant. The temperature had dropped even further when they came outside, and Regina decided that they should not go for a long walk. Emma had to be positively freezing in that thin leather jacket. It would be awful if she ended up getting a cold from this.
"So, is Zelena watching the little guy tonight?" Emma asked casually.
The little guy. Henry would appreciate that nickname. Regina nodded.
"Do you think he'd fancy another trip to Steveston?" Emma asked. "It was really fun to hang out with him. With both of you."
If only Regina had had the words to tell Emma how much it meant that she was including her son. It really showed how genuinely interested she was. Regina and Henry would always be a package deal. That was just how it was. Regina smiled and nodded once more. Found her phone in her pocket. Typed a message. 'Yes, I believe he'd absolutely love that. He's been begging to have a cup of Eugenia's cocoa just like in the good old days.', and then turned the screen towards Emma. After having switched up the volume on the light.
"Ruby mentioned that you used to come here on holiday?" Emma asked once she was done reading.
'Yes, that's right,' was typed into the phone and then shown to Emma.
"But then you stopped?"
Regina settled for a slight nod.
"Found other holiday destinations?" Emma asked casually and flicked a lock of hair away from her face. "Something a bit more interesting?"
No. Not at all. She was forced to stop coming here. First by Killian and later because she was too frightened and fragile to go anywhere. As her thoughts of how bad she had felt started to fill her mind, the conversation was starting to get away from Regina. She anxiously tugged a lock of hair behind her ear. Willed herself to say focused. Willed herself to keep communicating. There were many ways one could clam up like an oyster, and Regina did not want this night to end on a bad note. She began typing another message on the phone. She could not be completely honest about her reasons for staying away from Steveston, it was too soon. But she could at least be partially honest. 'No, not quite. I'm afraid I lost interest in going places. I wasn't in a very good place.' that was the best she could do for now, and she turned the screen towards Emma before she could regret it.
Emma's voice was quiet after she had read the message. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."
Regina shrugged lightly. It was what it was. And she was doing a bit better now. No reason to dwell.
"Are you... Are you feeling better now?" Emma asked carefully.
Regina turned her head and made eye contact with Emma as they for a moment stood illuminated by the street light. She smiled at the younger woman and then typed in a new message on her phone. 'It gets better every day.' See, that was no lie. Her strength was gradually returning, and her mood seemed more static now. She could do more stuff than before. And she had even started dating again. Yes, it was getting better every day. She flipped the screen towards Emma so she could read.
And Emma did. "That's good to hear," she said once she was done.
Regina nodded and found it appropriate to look elsewhere. She ended up looking at Emma's hands. They were rapidly turning blue in the cold, and Regina frowned slightly.
"I forgot my gloves," Emma sheepishly acknowledged. "Again."
Regina sighed a little (one of the few sounds she could make effortlessly) and shook her head.
"And now I'm feeling like I'm being scolded by my teacher."
The way she said it sounded so funny, Regina's shoulders started to move in that silent laughter. Emma Swan was very much capable of sounding utterly petulant, and Regina found it to be utterly hilarious.
"Should we walk that way?" Emma suggested, nodding to the main street.
Regina briefly thought about Emma's blue hands, but she couldn't be that cold if she was interested in walking more. And Regina hadn't really gotten to see much of the town itself during the Harvest Festival. That had been mostly the square. And it had been such a long time since she was last here. It wasn't any harm checking if all the stores were still there. And it wasn't overly late either. One more walk would be fine. Well, maybe her feet wouldn't be overly grateful, but Regina paid little mind to that. The rest of her was in a very good mood, and that was the only thing that mattered.
Her feet would be fine.
Steveston had changed a little. Three new stores had popped up in Regina's absence, and she probably could have kept sharing anecdotes about the town if it hadn't been for the way her cellphone suddenly beeped in her pocket. She felt the slightest flicker of concern as she retrieved it. Quickly, she checked the message. And what she saw made her frown slightly.
"Bad news?" Emma asked. She sounded a bit worried.
Regina shrugged. Tried her best to communicate 'yes and no'. And then she turned the screen towards Emma so she could see the picture Henry had just sent. Of himself on the couch with an enormous bowl of popcorn in his lap. He was grinning like the Cheshire cat, giving big thumbs up. Underneath the picture he had written: 'look what auntie Zelena made for me! She's the best aunt ever!'
"Oh," Emma grinned. "Is she bribing him to write that or something?"
Yes, that might just be the case. Regina nodded eagerly, turned the phone back around so she could write: 'Yes, definitely! No doubt about it.' Then she turned the phone back towards Emma.
Emma didn't take long to read what Regina had written. "So, I'm guessing you'd want to go home and make sure he doesn't eat all the popcorns at once?" she asked and tugged another stray lock of hair behind her ear.
Yes. It was getting a bit late now, and Emma's hands were turning really blue. She needed to get inside as quickly as possible. And Regina did need to get back and monitor her son's intake of popcorn. Another message was typed: 'yes, I think that might be best.', and then she turned the screen back towards Emma yet again.
"Okay. Let's head back to the restaurant then."
Regina nodded.
They turned back around, and by the time they reached the parking lot where Regina's car was, her feet were sore, and she was tired. But in a way that wasn't negative. She found her car keys in her purse, so she was ready to start the car and get it heated up as soon as possible.
"Well..." Emma said and seemed to bounce slightly on her feet. Nervously.
Regina flashed her a little smile.
"I've... I've had a really awesome time tonight," Emma said earnestly, genuineness seeping from her voice.
So had Regina. A very, very good time. Far better than she had dared imagining. It hadn't been the slightest bit awkward. She had felt comfortable and safe the entire time. She nodded. For once chose to form words ('me, too') with her lips and hope that Emma understood.
She clearly did because she grinned broadly. Seemed to lean in slightly.
The bubble threatened to burst. Emma was not going in for a kiss, was she? Oh god, that was how you normally ended a successful date. And this had been a VERY successful date.
But Regina was not ready to be kissed.
Not yet.
It was too soon.
The thought of kissing alone was making certain memories flare up in her mind.
Memories that she definitely not wanted to think about tonight.
But Emma did not kiss her. Instead she simply put a hand on Regina's forearm.
Thank god.
But it was still too late. Regina had managed to work herself up, and the result was that she flinched when Emma touched her. Even though she had not meant to do so. She was certain that Emma had felt it.
Shit.
To make amens, Regina lightly put her hand over Emma's for just a moment. Then she moved it away again.
"Would you like to do this again sometimes?" Emma asked as she moved her hand away from Regina's arm. Clearly not swayed by Regina's rude reaction.
Yes! Oh, yes! Regina smiled and tapped her phone.
Understanding, Emma grinned. "Yeah. Sure, I'll text you."
Regina nodded slightly.
"Well..." Emma moved a few steps backwards. "I'll see you soon?"
Regina certainly hoped so. She nodded as she forced a strand of hair back behind her ear where it belonged.
"Drive safely," Emma half-quipped. "Don't speed. Even though you're eager to come home and rescue Henry from the popcorns."
Oh, very funny. Regina shook her head in amusement. Offered Emma one last nod and formed the word 'goodbye'.
"Bye," Emma said, returning the smile tenfold.
Regina turned around and walked towards the car. With a bounce in her steps. Apart from the tiny little hiccup and her rude reaction to Emma's touch, this had been a very, very good night, and she was already looking forward to repeating the success.
As to be expected, her car was completely cold, and after having inserted the key in the engine so it could get warm, Regina spent the time with writing a text to her sister: 'I will be driving home now. Please tell me that Henry did NOT eat all those popcorn!'
The response came almost immediately. 'Of course not. I gave him a smaller bowl after having taken the picture. Now tell me, how did it go?'
Regina smiled. 'It went very, very well. Emma is very sweet.'
'Very sweet, huh, sis?'
'Yes. Very sweet.'
Emma was more than sweet, but that was not something Regina was going to tell her sister. Not yet. Zelena would probably be asking her lots of questions when Regina came home, so for now, Regina allowed herself the luxury of keeping her feelings to herself. Allowed herself to revel in them. Because it had been a very long time since she last felt this good about anything...
To Be Continued...