Well.

Regina had been very confident and content when inviting Emma Swan to go to the classical concert with her. She had only been excited and not at all nervous during the week.

But now as she sat here on the edge of the bed, in the middle of rolling her thin stockings up her legs, she couldn't help but to feel nervous. Was this even a good idea? What if Emma Swan would bore herself half to death at the concert? What if she only had set yes to do Regina a favor and not because she really wanted to go?

Shit.

Regina took a deep breath and urged herself to calm down. If Emma did not want to go, she would not have said yes, would she? She had done it because she was interested in spending time with Regina. She really shouldn't be feeling so insecure about this. Or about anything, really.

She attached the stockings to the garter belt and then smoothened the lacy trim on the stockings, so it didn't fold awkwardly on her legs. It would look strange under the dress.

The dress. Regina turned her head and shot said dress an almost loving look. Her red dress. And not just that. Her favorite red dress. Made of cashmere and so brightly red it would make anyone feel better about everything.

Regina felt pretty good tonight. Apart from being a bit nervous, of course. She had brushed her hair until it shone. She had put on her favorite little diamond stud earrings. She had applied a discreet shade to her eyelids, mascara that made her eyelashes seem longer and curlier, and of course red lipstick to match the dress she was going to wear.

She stood from the edge of the bed and walked over to the full-figure mirror on stocking clad feet. Looked at herself in the mirror. Regina could not remember the last time she had worn underwear this fancy. And even less when she had worn it for herself and only herself. There was no ulterior motive. She was not trying to please a man who refused to be pleased no matter what she did. No, tonight she was wearing lacy black underwear with matching garter belt for her own sake. Because she wanted to feel pretty. Needed to feel pretty.

Regina licked her lips as she studied herself in the mirror. She was not half as skinny as she had been a month ago. Her hipbones were still a bit too protruding, but if she just continued to eat well, that would disappear too, and her hips would regain their natural fullness. She noted that it was not that anxiety inducing to look at her body tonight. She wasn't sure why, but she was more than willing to go with it. Being able to look at her body and feeling like it actually belonged to her made for a nice change.

Now it was time for the dress. Regina walked over to the closet and plucked the dress of its hanger. Held it in her hands for a moment. How she had missed this dress. How grateful she was that it had not been tainted by any bad memories. She unzipped it and slipped her arms through the non-existent sleeves. Then she wriggled (and nearly dislocated her shoulder) as she zipped the dress up in the back. It fitted her. That was the first thing she felt once she had zipped it. It did not fold awkwardly on her like some of her other clothes tended to do. She did not even need to belt the dress. What a victory. A belt would have looked awkward with this kind of dress.

Regina turned around and inspected herself in the mirror. The dress was short. Ended above her knees. Had a scoop neckline. She was not showing any cleavage in this dress. Only her collarbones. Those were bony too. And of course the plaster on her throat was on full display too. Regina made a face. They couldn't have that. She walked back to the mirror and found one of her many cream colored scarves. Tied it around her neck in a neat bow like she had on the previous date with Emma. She liked the fancy way of tying her necessary accessory. When the scarf was tied, and after having made sure that the plaster wasn't sticking out anywhere, there was only one more thing she needed to do. Put on her shoes.

Regina gazed lovingly at her shoe collection. God knows she had always valuated elegant shoes. She could wear high heels tonight. They wouldn't be walking anywhere. Just sitting down at the concert. Tonight it was safe to wear high heels. Another victory. Another thing she had missed. She found her nicest pair of Jimmy Choo's and slipped them on. When she rose to her full height, she was several inches taller. That pleased her. Her height (or lack of) had always been one of her pressure points. But tonight she did not feel insecure about her appearance. She felt... good. Interesting. It had been so long since she last felt good about herself and how she looked. But tonight she felt almost unstoppable. She was wearing her favorite red dress. She was on her way out to attend a concert with a lovely woman she really liked.

Regina felt like she was on to something good. Something very good.

She looked at herself in the mirror once more. Turned sideways. Did a joking little spin and surprised herself by making that strange rumble-laughter deep in her chest. Not quite like her old laughter, but she could get used to it. And she could get used to feeling this good. She couldn't quite figure out whether she was completely happy, but she was definitely something that felt like it. And that was good enough for her. Almost-happy was far better than everything else she had been feeling over the past months.

Regina turned her back on her reflection and went back to the bed where her purse was waiting for her. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked through it. Found what she was looking for. The pre-prepared note she had written for Emma earlier. Her pre-prepared notes were almost becoming a tradition. Regina smiled a little to herself. Then she smoothened a hand over her dress. Did it look alright? Was she overdoing it? Was she too overdressed? What if Emma thought that it was too much?

Her confidence threatened to burst like a bubble for a moment.

But then she shook her head firmly and reminded herself that she was not supposed to think like that. This was a nice dress. She knew it was a nice dress. There was absolutely no reason as to why Emma shouldn't think so either. Period.

A distinct crunching sound in the gravel outside made her snap out of it. She quickly rose from the bed and walked over to the window. Peered out through the tiny crack in the curtain. There was a certain adorable little yellow bug standing parked outside. Regina smiled. She couldn't have imagined a nicer carriage to come and pick her up than Emma Swan's sweet little yellow bug. She was here. Thank god. Regina hadn't been very comfortable being alone in her sister's house. Zelena was working and Henry was staying over at Nick's. Regina had put on a brave face when Zelena fussed about her being home alone. Of course she could be on her own until Emma arrived to pick her up.

But as it turned out, Regina wasn't doing a very good job at being home alone. She was constantly startled by ordinary things. The dishwasher clacking when something was knocking against it. The sink gurgling. A car speeding past. She had turned into such a scaredy cat. And she had become notorious when it came to switching on the lights in every room. She absolutely could not stand the darkness. It was so easy to SEE things in the darkness. Shadows. That looked like a man. Something she spotted out of the corner of her eye.

Killian grinning at her from the shadows.

No.

Regina didn't want to think about it. She pushed the thoughts away and then quickly texted Zelena to let her know that Emma was here. She had promised her sister to do so.

It did not take long before she received an answer. 'Have fun!'

Regina was definitely intending on having just that. She settled for sending her sister a quick thumbs up, and then she found her white trench coat and put it on. Tied the belt tightly around her. Took a quick glance at herself in the hallway mirror. She looked nice. Elegant. Good. Elegant was what she had hoped to look tonight. Quite the change from all the baggy clothes she had worn previously. But a most welcome change too. She slung her purse over her shoulder and then left the house.

The weather was nippy, and Regina was glad that Emma had not parked too far away. She could see her sit inside of her car. Wearing her red leather jacket. Either that leather jacket was a favorite, or Emma simply did not own any other jackets. The thought of that concerned Regina quite a bit. That leather jacket was not nearly warm enough for this kind of weather. But then again, it was not her thing to be concerned about. Who knew, maybe the leather jacket was thicker than it looked.

Regina tried to believe that as she carefully walked through the gravel. Soon she was standing in front of the yellow bug, and Emma was quick to look up. Regina flashed her a smile as she opened the car door to the passengers seat. Emma had turned up the heat and was listening to a song on the radio. She was quick to switch off the radio when Regina entered the car, though. The first thing she did was to reach within her purse and find the note she had written earlier (hello, it's nice to see you again). She preferred to greet Emma first thing. She handed the note over to Emma.

"You, too," Emma smiled. "Are you ready to go?"

Regina nodded and her gaze flickered to her reflection in the mirror. Was her lipstick really that dark? Perhaps she should have gone with a more subtle red than this one. Perhaps she had overdone it a bit.

But what was done was done, and it was too late to change anything.

Instead of nitpicking and trying to find flaws in herself, Regina decided to concentrate on something else. Like... the dress Emma was wearing tonight. At least Regina suspected that it was a dress. It definitely had a long skirt. It was sequined and glittery, and while Emma steered the car onto the road, Regina found herself quite unable to look away. Until she remembered that staring was rude. Especially when you couldn't say what you were thinking. Wordless staring was bound to give someone the wrong impression. Or make them feel insecure. And Regina definitely did not want Emma to feel insecure.

There was a moment in which Emma very briefly took her eyes off the road, and Regina took the moment to form a single word with her lips. 'Pretty'. Emma definitely was pretty tonight. Her hair, her makeup, her clothes, everything. She had looked pretty the last time too, of course. But there was just something about her tonight.

"Thank you," Emma smiled. Clearly blushing at the compliment. "I've just bought it."

She had not only meant the dress, but she could not tell Emma that. And she was distracted by Emma's words too. Had she bought a new dress especially for tonight? Oh my. Regina smiled at her to acknowledge the thank you.

Do you wanna listen to music or anything?" Emma asked. "You're more than welcome to abuse the radio."

God, Emma's way of speaking. Would it ever cease to amuse Regina? Probably not. And she did not need music. She shook her head. She was quite comfortable with the silence. It was not the slightest bit awkward to be unable to speak in Emma's company. It did not make Regina feel self-conscious like it probably would in other situations. But of course Emma was more than welcome to speak if she wanted to. She didn't, though. So perhaps she was comfortable in the silence too. Regina hoped so. It would be awfully awkward if Emma was just sitting and trying to come up with ways to fill out the silence in the car. Regina quickly glanced at Emma to see if that was the case.

But no, Emma was just sitting there, smiling to herself as though she was thinking about something nice. Good. That was good.

"Glad we're doing this," Emma said casually.

So was Regina. She nodded eagerly. Very glad indeed. She made herself comfortable and leaned back in the car seat. She liked driving in Emma Swan's sweet little yellow bug. If she ever was to acquire a new car, it surely would be yellow. It was such a happy color. And it reminded her of the shade of Emma's hair.

Regina discreetly glanced at said hair. She feared that she was developing quite the thing for Emma's hair. She wondered what Emma would say if she knew it.

For some reason, Regina got the feeling that Emma wouldn't be particularly upset about it. And then she wondered what Emma thought of her. Would she tell her that she looked beautiful tonight as well?

Regina hoped so. Really hoped so. It had been so wonderful to be told she looked beautiful. She couldn't remember the last time someone had told her that. And she had actually believed it too. Emma was so genuine. Had a certain way with words.

She was staring. Regina quickly turned her head and looked out of the window. She didn't want to creep Emma out by being caught staring at her.

It didn't take long before a certain prickling sensation on the side of her neck told her that she was being looked at now. But Regina did not find it to be the slightest bit creepy. She liked it. She liked when Emma looked at her. If only she knew what she was thinking too. That would have been great.

"You're not cold, are you?" Emma asked worriedly. "The heating's a bit dodgy sometimes."

Regina shook her head. No, she was definitely not cold. Quite the reverse, actually. Warm feelings seemed to be filling her, and she had to remind herself not to smile goofily.

"Awesome," Emma laughed. "I'm not cold either."

Did that mean that she too was full of warm feelings?

Regina hoped so.

Regina had worried that Emma would have trouble with finding the theater, giving directions was ever so difficult when you couldn't talk. But the drive went completely smoothly, and soon Emma parked the little yellow bug in front of the theater.

"Are you ready to head out?" Emma asked as she switched off the engine.

Regina nodded and fumbled with her purse for a moment while finding the two tickets for tonight's show. Then she unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car.

Emma quickly followed suit. Regina could hear the telltale 'clack-clack' of high heels against the pavement, and she smiled. She was not the only one who had made an effort tonight.

The look on Emma's face when stepping inside the theater and seeing the red carpets on the floor, the golden archways and enormous staircase was worth a million bucks. She looked like she was on the verge of exclaiming something, but bit it back.

Regina gestured towards the door leading to the wardrobe, and Emma nodded and followed suit. Regina did not think twice before paying for a locker room where they could hang their coats. Emma had paid for the meal and dessert the last time. It was only fair that Regina paid for this. She loosened the belt in her trench coat and slipped it off.

Emma did the same with her red leather jacket, and Regina found herself quite unable to look away.

Emma was wearing a silvery grey sequin dress with thin straps and a low neckline. Classy with just a hint of flirting to it. The dress was quite long too, but could never become too long because of the high heels Emma was donning tonight.

Emma's hair also looked particularly nice tonight. It was hanging loose, but there was still something different about it. It looked fuller. She had used something to give it some volume. And honestly, she did not need to do anything else. Emma's hair was gorgeous just the way it was.

Did Emma know just how lovely she looked tonight, Regina wondered. She hoped so. She wanted Emma to know. Wanted her to feel confident. She had every right to feel confident when she looked this lovely.

That dress was so lovely on Emma.

It suited her so well.

The color seemed to bring out her wonderful green eyes.

That was when she noticed that Emma's eyes had strayed from her face and to her neck. Regina did not need to look down to know what Emma most likely was staring at. She had felt her scarf slip when she took off her coat. Had Emma gotten a glimpse of something? Regina tried not to tighten in her shoulders as she quickly tugged the scarf up to cover the plaster once more. She should probably be nervous that things would be awkward now, but for some reason, her brain couldn't quite focus on it. Instead her mind only focused on how wonderful Emma looked tonight.

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Regina felt so tempted to write that in a message, but she also feared that it would be too awkward. Or too much. Too soon. Too everything.

Emma flushed and her cheeks pinked beautifully once more. Regina had always envied people's abilities to blush. Her skin tone did not really allow much blushing.

Then Emma drew a lock of hair behind her ear. But she did not look away. She smiled.

Oh, that smile. Emma Swan's smile could stop wars, Regina was sure of that. And she was also sure that she had to look away. Otherwise she would end up writing something stupid.

Like how beautiful Emma was.

Like how she was dangerously close to falling for Emma Swan.

Was that even possible?

Could she even feel like that again?

It seemed crazy.

Regina flashed Emma a little smile and then she nodded towards the door.

"Yeah," Emma agreed. "We better get going."

Regina's thoughts exactly. She lead as they left the wardrobe and into the rather impressive foyer. She felt a bit weak in the knees, she would admit that. Emma's smile had been burned into her memories for always. She would never be able to forget it.

They found the queue and waited to get inside the concert hall. Regina found the tickets in her purse and held onto them, so she was ready to show them to the clerk when it became their turn to find their seats.

"I'm glad you asked me to come with you tonight," Emma said softly, shifting slightly next to Regina. Perhaps she wasn't all that accustomed to wearing high heels.

Regina smiled at her. She definitely did not regret the spontaneous invitation at all. Inviting Emma Swan to the concert had been a brilliant idea, and- as terrible as it sounded- Regina was actually sort of happy that Zelena had to work tonight.

"Thank you," Emma said plainly. She sounded so genuine.

She did not have to thank her. Regina's chest rumbled in silent laughter. This was a date. No thank you's were required. Emma was sweetly silly for thinking so.

"So, where's Henry tonight? Is he staying over somewhere?" Emma asked.

Regina nodded in confirmation.

"Classical music not his groove?" Emma grinned and clearly already knew the answer.

Definitely not his groove, no. Regina shook her head firmly.

"Well..." Emma chuckled again. "Good thing you could find someone else to ask then."

A very good thing indeed. For a single, silly moment, Regina suddenly felt tempted to reach out and put a hand on Emma's arm. Or maybe even take her hand and hold it. Just for a moment. But she did not feel quite brave enough to do it. They were standing in the middle of a line. She couldn't just randomly start holding Emma's hand in the middle of a que.

But some day...

Someday it would be nice to hold Emma's hand.

Just for a moment.

Regina turned her head to overlook the que. The line was moving quickly now. Thankfully. Regina was still not overly fond of standing in line. She could handle it tonight because Emma was standing behind her and was not posing as a threat to her. Neither did the elderly couple in front of her. Many people had come to see the concert and Priscilla Adams. She would be singing for a full house tonight.

Once she reached the clerk, Regina showed off the two tickets and made it clear that Emma was with her. The clerk wished them a good concert, and Regina was certain that it would be...

It was.

It was fantastic.

Violins. Flutes. Piano. Violas.

Regina was soaking it all up. Breathing in the atmosphere.

She had missed the rush going to a classical concert gave her. She had missed feeling like the music was within her.

She did not feel anything except for joy when she was listening to classical music.

But it was more than that.

She felt like her old self when she was sitting here. And she felt beyond grateful that she was capable of being here. That her fear and anxiety had not made it impossible for her to do the things that made her happy.

Like this.

The melody the flutes were playing reminded her of a Spanish lullaby her father once had sung to her. The pianist's skillful playing almost made her a bit dizzy. How could anyone be capable of playing that fast? The violins were almost singing. It was incredible. Regina felt so completely alive as she sat here in the cushy velvet seat and listened to the beautiful music that filled the concert room.

And she was not the only one who was enjoying herself. Emma Swan appeared to be quite enthralled by the music, thank god. Regina had been worried because Emma at first had been sitting completely stiffly in her seat almost like she was scared of doing something wrong. Afraid of moving. Once again, Regina had been so tempted to reach out and either take Emma's hand or pat her arm to assure her that everything was alright.

But now Emma seemed to be relaxing more. Sitting comfortably in her seat and clearly enjoying herself.

Regina was relieved to see it. Emma's relaxed posture was making her feel more relaxed as well, and she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes as she listened to the music. She felt the goosebumps erupt on her skin, and she smiled to herself as she shivered. Classical music always made her feel like this. Emotional. But even more so tonight. Because it had been such a long time since she had gone to a classical concert, and so much had happened since.

So, so much.

If someone would have told her six months ago that she would be sitting here, attending a classical concert with a beautiful woman, Regina simply would not have believed them.

But it was true. Sometimes the impossible could happen. She opened her eyes, made eye contact with Emma and then smiled at her.

Emma returned the smile.

It felt like the concert had just started when the intermission came. Regina left the concert hall on legs that were shaking slightly, and she felt a bit silly. Hadn't anticipated that she would become this affected by the music.

Getting back in the lobby felt good. The music had almost overwhelmed her at certain points, and she could need a breather.

Emma insisted upon buying her a drink. And Regina let her. She could need a drink too. She allowed herself a small glass of white wine. That would be okay. She hadn't taken any painkillers today. She was pretty proud of that.

Emma ordered a glass of water for herself, and when their drinks arrived, she was quick to lift hers. "Cheers," she said as she clinked it with Regina's.

Regina returned the smile, raised the glass slightly and then took a sip of the white wine. Mmm. It tasted very good. She should start drinking more white wine.

"Good?" Emma asked as she nodded towards the glass in Regina's hand.

Regina nodded eagerly in response. Reached for her purse and found the well-known stack of post-its. Of course she had brought those with her tonight. She could have used her phone. It probably would have been quicker to use her phone. But she preferred this method. It was starting to feel like her and Emma's 'thing'. She quickly found a pencil too and then wrote a message. 'Yes, it's very good. Thank you for buying me wine. You didn't have to do that.' When she was done writing, she pushed the note towards Emma.

"And you didn't have to invite me to this concert," Emma teased once she was done reading. "But I'm glad you did, though. It's amazing."

So, so amazing! Regina was so happy Emma was sharing her feelings. She quickly began writing a new message: 'Yes, it really is. I'm glad you're having a good time. Do you think you'll be going to more classical concerts in the future, then?' she pushed the note over to Emma.

"Oh yes, absolutely!" Emma said firmly and nodded. "If I can find people who plays the violin half as good as those guys on stage does, that is."

Regina took the liberty to doubt that, and she couldn't help but smile as she took another sip of her wine. Tonight's date was shaping up to be exactly as successful as the one they'd had in Steveston, and if it continued, Regina could see herself go on more dates with Emma Swan in the future. If Emma wanted to keep dating her, that was.

Regina hoped so. She looked at Emma as she sipped her glass of water. Looked at Emma's hair which seemed to be shining golden in the light here. God, Emma was beautiful. It was difficult for Regina to look away.

But she had no choice but to do so when the little bell above them rang and indicated that the intermission was over.

She was almost jittering with excitement when they found their seats again. It was almost time for Priscilla Adams to take the stage.

But first the orchestra played a set of three songs. Bach's Air. Beethoven's Für Elise. The pianist was outstanding. And at last Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

Then a sort of medley of The Four Seasons by Vivaldi. Regina's foot seemed to be moving up and down on its own accord, and she had to remind herself that this was a classical concert. Not a place for 'dancing feet'.

At last came the thing she had been anticipating ever since finding her seat. Priscilla Adams walked on stage. Her long white dress looked like something taken out of a fairytale, and her long blonde hair had been piled onto her head in an elegant updo. Priscilla Adams was an elegant woman. Regina had always thought so. Now she applauded along with everyone else. Priscilla Adams was a popular lady, and she smiled graciously as she walked over to the microphone. The conductor signalized to the orchestra, and after the preliminary tunes, Priscilla began singing with her honey-sweet, crystal clear voice:

'"Try to remember the kind of September,

When life was slow and oh

so mellow..."

Oh, that one. Regina immediately smiled in recognition. She had so many memories tied to that song. It was one of the first songs she had ever sung for Henry when he was nothing more than a tiny bundle that could easily fit in her arms. He was getting so big now. So grown up.

"Try to remember the kind of September

When grass was green, and grain was yellow.

Try to remember the kind of September

When you were a tender and callow fellow..."

Priscilla's voice was so rich and warm. Regina had no desire to bounce her foot up and down now. Instead she found herself growing slightly more somber. Her time at the psychiatric hospital was a time she rarely wanted to think about. The first week there was actually quite blurred. But there was one thing she remembered. This song. She had been sitting in her too big hospital bed, wearing too big sweatpants and a too big t-shirt. And she had been listening to this song over and over again. In an attempt to feel connected to something during a period of time where she did not feel connected to herself. This song had helped her stay grounded when everything threatened to crash in her mind. Regina blinked rapidly in an attempt to prevent the tears from falling. But she could not. She was suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of the darkest chapters in her life where one song had played such a huge part.

Emma was looking at her. Regina could sense it. She quickly wiped her cheeks and then shot Emma a sideway glance. Smiled a little and shook her head. Silently apologized for being so silly and potentially make Emma feel awkward. She most likely did not come here to see Regina cry.

Oddly enough, Regina did not come here to cry either. To think that there had been a time where she wasn't this sensitive. Those were the days. Now she cried over just about everything. She was even more sensitive than she was when she was pregnant with Henry.

"Deep in December it's nice to remember,

Although you know the snow will follow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember,

Without a hurt the heart will hollow..."

Regina's chest tightened suddenly. Priscilla Adam's voice was really touching her tonight. She was clearly in an extra vulnerable state.

Because this was so important.

She was here.

In her red dress.

She was alive.

By all the gods, she was still alive.

Badly bruised, but not broken.

She was still capable of feeling.

And not only bad things.

She glanced at Emma who was looking spellbound at Priscilla Adams.

In time, Regina's feelings for Emma could grow.

If they were allowed to.

If they were given the proper time to unfurl.

Would Emma be patient, Regina wondered.

Would she wait for her?

Wait for her to fully embrace her feelings.

Wait for her to no longer be scared of opening her heart.

God, was that even possible?

To let someone else in.

To trust someone else with her heart.

Would Emma be capable of still feeling something for her if she were to find out what had happened to Regina?

Could she live with it?

Could Regina?

Would it be possible for Regina to find the one thing she had always been searching for. Happiness.

Regina did her best to push the chaotic thoughts away.

For now, this was enough. Simply being here.

And suddenly she felt so completely and utterly grateful for simply being here. For being alive.

No matter how battered she was.

She sniffled discreetly and wiped her cheeks. This was getting embarrassing.

"Deep in December

it's nice to remember,

The fire of September that made you mellow.

Deep in December our hearts should remember and follow
follow..."

There was no stopping the tears, and when the song ended, Regina was blinded by the tears as she stood up and clapped along with everyone else.

Priscilla Adams smilingly accepted the audience's applause, and Regina hoped that she would be able to control herself for the next song. She didn't want to cry anymore. It was embarrassing.

But perhaps she was the only one who thought that. She had noticed that Emma was looking at her. With a very gentle look in her eyes. As they stood and applauded Priscilla, she discreetly leaned in and murmured: "are you okay?"

Regina nodded and flashed Emma a sheepish little smile. Formed the word 'sorry'.

"Hey, don't apologize," Emma said quickly. "I get it."

She didn't. Emma couldn't possibly 'get it'. But Regina still appreciated what Emma was trying to do. She flashed Emma another smile.

"She's a fantastic singer," Emma continued. "I'm so angry I'm not hearing about her now."

That was exactly how Regina felt the first time she heard Priscilla Adams sing. She understood precisely how Emma felt, and her smile became less sheepish now.

The rest of the concert would be amazing. Regina could sense that. And she was determined to enjoy it. Without thinking. And most certainly without crying...

It felt completely flat, leaving after such an amazing experience. Regina felt utterly drained as they left the theater and got into Emma's little yellow bug.

Regina had wiped underneath her eyes so many times the skin was starting to get irritated. And it was quite fruitless too. She was wearing waterproof mascara tonight. And thank god for that.

As Emma maneuvered the car out of the parking lot, Regina leaned back in her seat and just soaked up how thoroughly satisfied she felt right in this moment. She was so relieved that she had thought of asking Emma out on a date instead of getting a refund.

"That was an amazing concert," Emma said as she skillfully steered the car onto the main road.

Regina nodded and smiled. Indeed. And an intense one too.

"That opera singer really..." Emma seemed to be looking for words for a moment before she settled on: "wow!"

'Wow' was a description they could agree on for sure. Priscilla Adams was in a category of her own. Regina leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes once more. Basked in all the emotions the concert had brought on. All the memories. Some of them had been good, some of them had been dark, but the general feeling right now was gratefulness. That she lived. That she had survived that terrible night where Killian had attacked her. That she still had possibilities to do things she thought impossible. She thought of the woman who was sitting right next to her. Of what possibly could happen between them. In time. She smiled a little.

"Feels pretty strange just to be going home after this, huh?" Emma asked lightly.

Regina opened her eyes again. Laughed soundlessly. Nodded. Once again, she knew exactly what Emma meant.

"But it's like it sort of just took all your energy, isn't it?" Emma continued.

Yes. It left you feeling incredibly tired. But in an incredibly good way. At least that was how Regina felt it. She hoped Emma shared her feelings. She hoped Emma would ask her out again soon. It was her turn to ask, was it not? Regina was pretty sure that was how dating worked, but she could barely remember it. She was used to being told exactly where to be at what time and be dictated what to wear. From her underwear and to her shoes.

Well, guess what? Tonight she was wearing fancy underwear.

Because SHE wanted to.

Tonight she was wearing a pretty dress.

Because SHE had decided that she wanted to look nice. SHE had actively made the choice of wearing a beautiful dress. And her wonderful date had appreciated it. Sweet Emma had given her compliments instead of taken it for granted. Take that, Killian!

It seemed like they had only just entered the car when they suddenly were parked in front of Zelena's place. Her car was in the driveway now, Regina noted. She was relieved that her sister was home. She wasn't overly fond of being home alone in the evening. She kept imagining things that could go bump in the night. Saw shadows in the corners of the house.

Regina shook the dark thoughts away and unbuckled her seatbelt. Exited the car and was surprised when Emma did the same. So she wanted to walk her to the front door. That was sweet. But a bit unnecessary too. The temperature had dropped further, and Regina didn't want Emma to freeze in her thin dress and leather jacket. She liked that combination. Gown and leather jacket. The combination would have been strange on anyone else. But Emma could carry it. She looked stunning in it.

"Well..." Emma said when they reached the front door.

Regina smiled.

"I had a really great time tonight," Emma said. Her green eyes sparkled with that genuineness Regina had come to appreciate so much.

This called for more answer than just a smile. Regina found her phone in her pocket and began typing on it. God, her screen was bright. It almost hurt her eyes. Perhaps she was starting to get old. At thirty five. She glanced at the message she had just written to make sure there were no spelling errors. 'So did I. Thank you for coming with me.' Then she flipped the screen towards Emma.

"Thank YOU for inviting me," Emma said gently.

Regina shrugged lightly in response. But then she frowned softly as she typed on her phone again. She still felt a bit silly about getting so emotional, and her next message reflected that: 'but I'm not completely happy with the fact that I managed to make a bit of a fool of myself at the concert.'

"What do you mean?" Emma asked. Now she was frowning too.

Regina answered as best as she could without having to write on her phone. She brushed her fingers over her cheek. Pretended to wipe tears away. Then she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Seriously?" Emma said disbelievingly. "You're embarrassed about that?"

Regina nodded. Obviously. Of course she was embarrassed about crying. That wasn't exactly how she had planned the date to go.

"Don't be," Emma said quickly. "Seriously, don't. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Regina. Tears are nothing to be embarrassed about."

Regina wasn't sure she completely agreed with that. But she appreciated it, nonetheless. She smiled at Emma and then turned around and put a hand on the doorknob. She figured she would open the door and let some of the warm air get out of the house to give Emma some relief before saying goodbye to her.

"Wait," Emma said softly.

Regina turned back around and looked at Emma. Raised an eyebrow. Why did she have to wait? Did Emma have something more she wanted to say? More things on her mind?

Yes. She did have more things on her mind. But it was not words.

It happened so quickly. One moment Emma was standing there, and the next, she was leaning forward and very, very lightly brushing her lips against Regina's.

A kiss.

A promise.

The thing you gave to someone you cared for.

An act of kindness.

It felt wonderful.

Until it didn't.

She had kissed back.

Until she didn't.

Until ugly memories washed over Regina like a tide wave threatening to sweep her away.

A kiss forced onto her lips.

A too strong hand pressing against the back of her head to keep her where she was.

A wall behind her.

Him in front of her.

Trapped.

She was trapped.

His kiss hurt.

It was not even a kiss.

He was biting her lip.

Regina could taste the blood.

And it hurt.

Hurt, hurt, hurt...

Emma was not Killian.

Regina knew that. Of course she did.

But the kiss did not feel her with butterflies.

It filled her with dread.

And it was horrible.

Because she knew that this kiss was exactly how a kiss was supposed to be. Sweet. Delicate. Wonderful.

Except for to her.

Because she couldn't even kiss someone without thinking of him.

She kept inviting him in even though she did not mean to.

Emma pulled back and looked at her. Smiled at her. Happy.

Regina wished she could feel like that too. She WANTED to feel like that. But she couldn't. She even struggled to LOOK at Emma as she anxiously drew a lock of hair behind her ear.

"What?" Emma asked quietly. Worriedly.

Regina felt terrible. Now Emma thought that she had done something wrong. She had not. She had followed every etiquette in the book when it came to dating. She had just given Regina the perfect kiss. And she couldn't even appreciate it.

What kind of terrible person was she even?

She had to be better than this. She hastily shook her head. Smiled at Emma. Lifted her hand and gave Emma a very soft little pat on the cheek. It was the best she could do right now. Then she turned around and found her key in her purse. Zelena was notorious for locking the doors even when she was home.

"Goodnight," Emma mumbled. The word was coated in insecurity.

After a moment, Regina succeeded in unlocking the door and opened it. But before going inside, she turned around and looked at Emma once more. Smiled as best as she could and then mouthed the word 'goodnight' and hoped that Emma would understand. Then she turned around and slipped inside the house. It was rude, she knew that. But she was overwhelmed. Couldn't take anymore tonight. She closed the door softly behind her and hoped that Zelena hadn't heard her.

She stayed put in the hallway for a moment. Heard Emma's footsteps in the gravel as she left. Then the sound of the car door opening. And at last an engine starting. Emma was leaving now. Driving back to Steveston.

Regina exhaled a long breath of air, but her shoulders remained tight and drawn up to her ear. As quietly as she could, she slipped off her high heels and patted upstairs. Hoped that it would be a little while before Zelena had realized that she was home. She had heard her sister snore quietly in the living room, and she prayed that Zelena would be asleep for much longer still.

If there was something Regina was not in the mood for right now, it was sister talk. Tonight had been such a good night. And now she had ruined it just because she could not even respond to a perfectly good kiss without getting flashbacks.

Regina felt like a complete and utter failure. How was she ever going to be able to explain this to Emma? How could she ever expect Emma's feelings for her to grow when she couldn't even let Emma get close to her?

To Be Continued...