I seem to re-visit this story each time I catch writer's block because I honestly enjoy this style of writing the most. Based off the song Coney Island by Taylor Swift
Coney Island
Time Period – Late 2018
I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering how could I screw my life up this badly? I've watched the same ride start and end the same process over and over and over. One person stands herding people in the line, and another mans the ride. Approximately 20 people are allowed in each cycle. It takes all of 6 minutes and then one group exits while another group gets ready for what's supposed to be the ride of their life. People cheerfully get on the ride they waited in line so long for excited for the expectation that it's going to be great. People eagerly walk to the next ride waiting for the upcoming grand adventure. And there I sit on a bench watching and watching and watching. I don't know how long it's been. Well, I do know it's been hours. So many hours.
I shattered him. The only thought that occupies my mind besides watching the Ferris wheel starts over and over and over. My mother told me not too long ago "The Carousel never stops turning Meredith." Looks like the Ferris Wheel never stops either.
I shattered him.
I shattered him.
I shattered him.
Meredith Grey.
With her daddy issues.
Her mommy issues.
I painted his bluest skies the darkest Grey
Seems to be fitting.
Meredith Grey, she will paint your skies grey, your life grey, you grey.
I wonder back to the last time I was in Coney Island
Derek's hand gripped mine freely. It was our first date since Ellis found out about us. That was a whole other story. Derek was excited to take me on this date because he was taking me to meet his parents and all his sisters after he took me to one of his favorite spots in New York, Coney Island. We got there and the grin on Derek's face is what I imagine most children feel like when they wake up on Christmas morning. His happiness was infectious, and I caught myself giggling right along. We were met with bright lights, fast times, and more rides than I could count.
We shared ice-cream and I shoved the cone into his face and then licked the ice-cream from his lips. He pulled me in closer and deepened our kiss and we laughed and laughed. We rode the Ferris wheel 3 times in a row. Derek had a thing for views, and I had a thing for him.
We rode the Merry-Go-Round, the Circus Coaster, The Tickler, Steeplechase, Brooklyn Flyer and so many more that Derek dragged me to. We took photos of everything. The rides. Us. Our lips on each other. Our hands intertwined. Our tongues tasting the salt in the air. The food. The atmosphere. Everything. Photo documentation of everything so that we could look back as many times as we wanted and enjoy the memory as Derek always told me.
Derek took a picture of me laughing standing Infront of the Ferris Wheel that we rode 3 times and said that one was for his wallet so he could look at it every day. He did look at it every day.
He won me so prizes. I didn't need all the stuff but he wanted me to have it all and so I did.
As the sun went down, everything got steamier despite the cool that was setting in. Derek and I found a spot alone by the tree line and our lips connected instantly. He was pulling off my shorts and quickly but passionately we made love at Coney Island of all places. It was fast but it was so good so so good. I could still taste the sweet ice-cream on his lips, and everything felt like summer even though we were technically still in the Spring. We spent all day at Coney Island before heading to his mom's home.
It was a sweet memory that I would remember forever, despite my many attempts to forget. The sun is going down and all I can picture is his face. He doesn't realize it, but he's always been my centerfold.
Time Period- May 2019
I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did she go? What changed? Why did she break my soul in two?
I'm watching the Ferris wheel remembering the three times in a row when we rode it feeling it get colder and colder as the sun goes down.
I'm leaving Boston to take an attending job in Seattle, but what's this achievement if I don't have her? What am I even working towards if I'm not sharing my life with the only woman I'll ever love? That's right, I'm escaping. I'm leaving the East Coast for good. Today I did my goodbye lunch with Ma where she begged me to stay but I can't stay here and she knows that.
I can't help but wonder if she misses me and this. She can say a lot of things about our relationship, but she can never say that we didn't have a blast together. She can't say that our relationship wasn't filled with passion and love - so much god damn love. How could she not miss it? I miss it every second that I'm breathing. Which is why I must leave here and my last stop before leaving the East Coast for good is Coney Island. So many memories.
I can't help but wish that somehow, she would just know that I'm leaving tomorrow and show up here just to beg me to stay. I would for her. If out of nowhere she decided that last year she made a mistake and wants me back. No questions asked- I would be hers.
I pull out my wallet with the picture I took of her here in front of the Ferris Wheel. I stare at it for a good long minute. I've stared at it so many times since I took it. The sun is going down. I place the photo in the trash can beside the Ferris Wheel as I leave the Coney Island campground. The picture may be gone but the site that flashes before me is always the same, her face. She can't be my centerfold anymore.