Hoax
Summer 2021
Richard made it abundantly clear all month that all attendings were required to be at the intern mixer tonight. He said as the new head of neuro that I had an example to set by not only being there but by enjoying myself and by taking an interest in the newest interns. Richard told me he had a feeling that this was going to be the brightest group that Seattle Grace had ever seen and that he had one intern in particular that he wanted me to meet. Apparently, he just knew she would have an affinity for neuro. He was saying something about knowing her mother, but I was tuning out and instead reading the surgical board for the day. It was good board- full. Something in the Seattle air was different today and I felt hopeful.
"Now Derek, I mean it. I caught a lot of slack from The Board and your fellow attendings for appointing you head of your department already. I see something in you, and they need to see it too. I want charming Dr. Shepherd tonight, focused Dr. Shepherd. Don't make me regret this decision." Richard told me sternly before walking off.
"You got it chief" I thought mockingly in my head but acknowledged his words instead with a slight nod. I didn't realize this promotion came with so many strings and hoops to jump through. I told him already that I would be there. It's not like I have much choice.
"See you tonight Shep" Mark told me as he passed by the board likely going into his own surgery. Ah yes there it is, facial reconstruction, Sloan 7 am.
"Meet me at Joe's" I called to him as he passed me by.
I focused my eyes back on my day ahead. Two Craniotomies, Two Biopsies. I should be out of surgery by 5 pm which gives me time to get back to the trailer, dress up and be at this intern mixer by 8. I could meet Mark at Joe's first for a few drinks to take the edge off and catch up on our days before having to put on the show for Richard and The Board.
He wants charming Shepherd. Charismatic Shepherd. Focused Shepherd. Well, that's what he is going to get.
"Hey, just double checking. You're really fine with me not going tonight?" I heard my girlfriend say coming up behind me.
I smiled "I told you, supporting one of your best friends is a lot more important than being at a hospital mixer. I'll be there 2 hours tops."
She grinned at me "And then you'll come back to our place afterwards?" she asked with her eyebrow raised. I could sense the hope in her voice.
Our place. It was her place, and she was waiting on my answer on whether I would move in with her or not. Truthfully, I wasn't ready, but I didn't want her taking it as I didn't want to be with her because I do. She just doesn't understand that I still hurt underneath all these scars that are left on me from…. From Boston. Boston is the before. Seattle is the after. I am healing in Seattle. Parts of me have healed due to Seattle. The air. The ferry boats. My land that one day I hope to build my dream home on. I feel her here too. Not enough that it's painful but enough that it's comforting. I knew she lived in Seattle her first 5 years of life before her parents' divorce. It wasn't the reason I chose to move here. Somehow Richard heard about my reputation as a resident and my goals and dreams to become the best neurosurgeon in the United States. He reached out to me right before my residency exams and offered me a spot as attending pending, I passed the exam. I accepted right away. No hesitation. No salary questions. Everything was Seattle. My escape. My salvation. Seattle was going to be my refuge.
I offered Rose my charming smile "Yes. I'll be there." I reassured her. She stood on her tiptoes and offered me a quick peck and a smile before walking away. I couldn't call it our place. Maybe my feelings would grow with time- I'm just not there yet.
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"Tequila. Straight up. And make it a double." I told the bartender at the mixer as I sat at a barstool being careful not to expose myself in my tight black dress reserved for occasions like these.
"I'll have what she's having." I heard a voice next to me. I turned and saw a dark headed woman eyeing me.
"Christina Yang" she held out her hand
"Meredith Grey" I told her with a smile
"Are you an intern too? You look like an intern." She told me pointedly.
I laughed "Why do I look like an intern?" I asked as I kicked back the shot of tequila quickly. I was addicted to the burn.
She shrugged "You look young, I guess. I'm assigned to the Nazi. What about you?"
"I have the Nazi too. Guess we'll be working together a lot." I replied signaling to the bartender that I wanted another one.
"Just a single this time." I told him and he nodded. Christina quickly knocked back her shot.
"Have you seen Dr. Burke? I've been trying to find him all night." Christina told me eyeing the crowd.
"I don't even know who that is."
"You didn't look up all the attendings we'd be working under before accepting your internship here?" she asked me as if I was stupid.
Seattle was my escape. Truthfully, I didn't care who I'd be working under as long as I was away from my mother and Mass General and Boston.
"I have to go." I told her seeing Richard Webber making his way towards me. He had a past with my mother, that much I was able to piece together from when I told her that I accepted an internship at Seattle Grace. I knew she would be mad that I was officially denying Mass General but when I said I would be working at Seattle Grace she was furious. She started going into hysterics about her time there and Richard Webber and how I was doing this just to spite her. She also mentioned me using this as an excuse to see my father again.
"See ya" Christina muttered
"Meredith. Meredith Grey" Richard called out to me. Damnit, I wasn't quick enough.
I turned to him with a smile "Chief Webber" I acknowledged him with a smile. I at least knew who the chief was thanks to my mother.
"Dr. Grey. I'd know you anywhere. You're the spitting image of your mother."
"My mother-" I began to say
"We can catch up on her later. I read your recommendations and your essays Meredith, and I have to say, I'm very impressed by you. I want you to meet the head of each department." Richard told me guiding me towards a woman I didn't know.
He took me on several rounds, and I was starting to zone out. The tequila had kicked in and I was trying my best to hide my buzz.
Richard saw someone out of the corner of his eye and excused himself for a second. "I'll be right back" he said leaving me in the middle of the mixer.
"I have to get out of here" I thought to myself. I turned to walk in the opposite direction of where Richard went. My whole body froze. I felt it. The rush. The energy. Familiar eyes on me. I didn't even see a face and yet I could sense familiarity was around me. I smelled him.
I turned my head to the side to see a pair of blue eyes on me. His eyes. Derek Shepherd is in Seattle. This has to be a hoax.
Quickly, I walked quickly. As quickly as I could out of the room and into the main level of the hospital. All hospitals were designed the same my mother told me. Once you get past where guests roam, you'll find the exam rooms, attendings lounges, On-call rooms etc. I was about to have a panic attack and flew into the first room I found shutting the door behind me.
I worked to calm my breathing. Derek is in Seattle. Derek likely works at this hospital. I can't escape him.
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I couldn't believe she had the nerve to run away from me. After all this time. After never trying to contact me again after she left me crestfallen in front of all our friends, all our family. Did she hate me that much?
What is she even doing here? Maybe Ellis is consulting with Richard on a case and brought Meredith along. That was the only explanation I could muster.
I was going to let her run away from me. If she didn't want to face me after all this time, fine that's on her. I was going to let her….. but every nerve in my body was moving. My brain was processing a mile a minute. It was leading me one step in front of the other wherever it was she was running off to.
Through the main level of the hospital. Behind the secret doors. The first open exam room – she flung the door open and closed it behind her. I hesitated before opening it, but I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her. I needed whatever was behind that door. This was my moment for closure, and I was getting it rather Meredith Grey wanted to give it to me or not.
Her eyes met mine. They were panicked and filled with a sadness that panged my heart. I tried my best to put up a cold front "What are you doing here?" I asked her. It didn't come across nearly as cold as I intended.
"I'm doing my internship and residency here." She stated.
I'm not sure what my face did in that moment, but I felt like a crumpled-up piece of paper.
She searched my eyes, and I used this time to look her over. The past couple of years were good to her. She was stunning. Her body was as thin and toned as ever in her tiny black dress. Her legs were long, and she was wearing makeup, which I knew was rare for her. The black eyeliner accentuated her green eyes and that longing for her kiss was still as present as it had been those years ago.
I felt myself nod. "Did you know that I'm the head of Neurosurgery here?" I asked her blandly. My voice didn't sound like my voice.
"I didn't" she told me confidently. I could see her walls going up fast as if she had any reason to be the one with walls right now.
I don't know why I was let down by her admission that she didn't know I was here.
"How have you been?" she asked nervously biting her lip.
"I've been good. Very Good actually." I stated not wanting to elaborate.
"That's good." She told me looking straight into my eyes, but I could still see her teeth bearing down into that perfect bottom lip I loved to kiss so much.
I moved closer to her, and our eyes held onto each other for several seconds neither of us saying a word.
"Meredith, I have a life here now." I told her moving away slightly. I didn't trust myself to be that close.
"I really should get going Derek. Early morning tomorrow being that it's my first day." She told me moving around me to leave.
"Right" I agreed.
She moved by me as fast as she could. I stood watching her disappear down the hallway and likely out of the hospital. I did my best to compose myself in that exam room before bee-lining to Joe's for a night filled with tequila. I ended up crashing at the hospital.
Tomorrow would be painful.
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