Thanks for those who have been reviewing but I would really love to see more! Here is our next installment, Tis the damn season. Let me know what you guys think!

Tis The Damn Season

Time feels frozen even though it's been a month since Derek told me he actually did not infact want to be my friend. We barely spoke since that conversation in the scrub room, and I avoided him every chance I got. Every now and then I would catch his eye and he would look longingly at me like he wanted to say something, but it was caught in his throat. Caught in his heart. Caught somewhere that he didn't want me accessing. It's not like the ache in him was put there by anyone but me so I would give him what he wanted. Nothing to do with me. At least, professionally, he was still willing to teach me. For now.

I was making friends though with my roommates. It was nice having them around, having people to talk to after work and people to drink with. I had Alex and Cristina too. They were all becoming my people and for them I was grateful.

I worked with a very interesting patient today named Mr. Latangi. He had end-stage cancer and he was making videos on his death bed telling all the people he felt wronged him just how wrong he felt they were. He was a kind man though and very polite to me for helping him make his videos. After, I left his room, I pondered what he was doing and decided that one-day on my death bed, I didn't want to be making videos like he was. There was only one person in particular that I would even want to make a video like that for – but maybe I could change that. Once I finished up with Mr. Latangi and his 14 videos, I saw an empty nurse's station with a computer, and I began my search. Thank God for online yellow pages.

"Hey Mer" I heard my friend Alex say to me as he leaned against the nurse's station trying to catch a peak at my computer. My friends could really be nosey sometimes.

"Hey" I said to him keeping my eyes on the screen. There apparently are a lot of Grey's that live in Seattle.

"What are you doing?" he asked with suspicion lacing his voice. I knew he was trying to read over my shoulder.

I smirked at him biting the tip of the pen in my hand "I don't want to be making videos on my death bed, Alex." I told him seriously. I knew he wouldn't get it, but it was an honest answer.

"Is this a dark and twisty thing?" he asked. I rolled my eyes at him playfully and gave him a knowing look.

You know what? Forget I asked." He said strolling away

"Smart man" I called after him. He turned back and laughed at me "I better not hear about you on the news tonight." He warned me.

I just laughed in return, reaching over to the sticky note pad next to the pens. I wrote down the address I found on the computer that very well or very well not could be my father's home. I stared down at the address for a second contemplating if I even wanted to do this when my shift ended tonight but I at least had the option now to make the decision for myself. When I looked up, I came face to face with Derek who was looking at me like he had been for weeks with an unsure expression on his face.

"Dr. Shepherd" I acknowledged. I wasn't going to live in this weird limbo of me looking away when I could feel his eyes on me.

He nodded and approached the nurse's station "Dr. Grey, how's everything going?" he said as professionally as possible.

"Fine" I told him meeting his gaze. I saw him gulp "Good. Is there, anything I can do for you?" he asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I countered

He peered into my eyes and gave me the look, our look. "How's Mr. Latangi?" he quickly countered back.

"He's making videos." I told him

"He's making videos. Of what?" Derek asked slightly amused.

"Apparently, when you're dying, you feel the need to tell everyone who's ever wronged you exactly how you feel about them." I told him with a small grin thinking about the irony of the situation. I hope Derek doesn't feel the need to make me a deathbed video of how terrible I was to him.

He laughed lightly "Hmm- and what does he tell people in these videos he's making?"

"Oh, you know the usual, just how horrible they are and how he hopes they're leading a terrible existence." I told him with a smirk.

He laughed genuinely for a moment "Thanks for the update, Dr. Grey" he told me before walking off.

"No problem" I muttered mostly to myself.

I left the hospital around 8 pm quickly changing out of my scrubs and into my street clothes holding tightly to the post-it note with my father's maybe address written on it. I put the address in my GPS and started the drive to his neighborhood. After about 15 minutes I pulled up to a charming house with a front-yard garden and an abundance of love clearly put into the home. I worked up the nerve to knock on his door and waited with bated breath for it to open. When he opened the door, I instantly knew it was my father.

"Meredith" he breathed

"Is there a box of letters somewhere or birthday cards or anything really? Did you care at all when she took off to Boston? Did you try to find me?" I rambled

He closed the door behind him and looked at me like he had seen a ghost. I guess he had in a way. "You're all grown up now" he stated without emotion.

"Yeah, that happens when it's been 21 years since you've seen someone."

"I uhhhh- Meredith - I-" he started. I could tell he didn't know what to say and maybe wasn't fully thrilled that I was there.

"I guess the road not taken looks real good now." I said to him sarcastically.

He crossed his arms "Meredith, I have a family inside. I'm married and have two daughters. I- do you need something?"

"No, I don't need anything from you. I just- I wanted to know." I told him and watched as he took in my features.

When he remained silent, I got the hint. "I guess there's nothing to know."

I left him standing on the porch as I got back in my car and left his street. That went worse than I expected. I guess, I didn't fully expect him to embrace me and be happy that I was here standing on his front porch but I didn't expect to get the hint that he didn't want to know me either.

My eyes blurred with tears as I made the drive back to the hospital. Izzie and George would be home, and I just couldn't face them, not tonight. I didn't think Bailey would care if I logged extra hours and maybe help Mr. Latangi make more hate videos. That sounded a hell of a lot better than feeling sorry for myself at home. I made it back to the hospital and walked down the corridor when Bailey saw me and stopped me.

"What are you doing here Grey?" she asked annoyed.

"Can I cover the pit?" I asked her

"It's already covered. Go home." She told me aggravated

"Can I chart or help you catch up on paperwork?"

"No, you cannot. You're an intern and already over worked as is. I can't have you staying here and then making mistakes tomorrow. Do you want to make me look bad?" she asked shaking her head.

I sighed and turned on my heel. To the bar I go.

M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D

Rose was held up in surgery tonight which was a relief to me because she was doing her damn best to try and read me the past month. I know I'm acting different and being distant but I'm not doing it on purpose. I just don't know how to act with her here. I try to block her out and avoid her. I try to pretend like everything is as it was before she became an intern, but I can't. I feel her everywhere now.

She's been avoiding me too. I know I was inconsistent with her, and I know how triggering that can be for someone like Meredith who's dad up and left her when she was only five- never turning back, never re-evaluating his role in her life or lack thereof. Burke asked me to get a drink with him at Joe's and I agreed. It felt good to get out and Mark joined us later with a few of the other attendings. I was laying off the Scotch tonight and decided on beer. Joe's had some local crafts on tap that I enjoyed and I decided to take it easy and wait for Rose to get off. I needed to try harder to want her. I just couldn't fake my feelings.

When I was ready for another round, I made my way up to bar ready to ask Joe for a refill on the beer I had been drinking when I saw her. She was sitting alone with a shot glass in front of her. I sat down beside her and looked at her going through something in her head. She wasn't aware of me at first, but she looked startled when she caught my eye.

"Hi. I didn't mean to scare you." I told her

"You didn't" she told me

I let it go "Long day?" I asked

"Can, we not do the thing?"

"What thing?"

"The thing where you in the moments it suits you, you go full Mcdreamy mode and try and save the day. You said you didn't want to be my friend. Well, you said you wanted to be my friend then you didn't anymore." She rambled and slurred.

I sighed. "I should probably leave and go back to my table with the other attendings then." I told her eyeing her face waiting for her to ask me to stay.

"Yeah, you probably should." She agreed focusing her attention away from me again.

"Can I have another?" I asked Joe as he approached. I stayed seated on the bar stool beside her looking at her. I knew she knew I was looking. I just hated the way things were.

"What if instead, I tell you that I'm sorry and that I'm so torn on everything in my life right now that I can't be trusted to make any sort of decision. Does that win me any points?" I asked her. Ah, honesty there it is.

She turned and looked at me "It does because I feel the exact same way" she admitted.

Joe set my drink in front of me, and I stayed seated where I was with her. It was the best I felt in a month.

"Want to call it even?" I asked her

She looked at me with a puzzled look "You turned me down in front of all our family and friends and I took back being your friend. Want to just say we're even now?" I asked her playfully. Anything to lighten her mood.

She smirked at me "No way. What you did was way worse." She teased.

I let out a deep laugh and she did the same "Does this mean you can't bring it up anymore?" she asked me.

I pondered for a moment "I suppose so." I told her and she offered me a genuine smile for the first time in a month.

We drank in silence for a few moments. "What happened tonight? You seem a little….sad" I asked her.

"The road not taken." She stated simply. I looked at her, my eyes asking for more.

"I feel like maybe I break my own heart at times all because my dad broke mine." She told me and I was in awe over the vulnerability she was displaying. I knew it wasn't easy for her to talk about this.

I instinctively took her hand in mine. She didn't pull away and I knew people would look and draw their own conclusions, but I didn't care. I didn't care at all. I just wanted to be here for her in this moment. No one knew her like I knew her and if she was opening up to me about her dad, it must be because it's really bothering her.

"I went to see him tonight." She whispered

"Oh Mer, we don't have to talk about this here." I told her now looking around at everyone staring. She took notice too.

"Do you want to come back to my place?" she asked.

I gulped. I knew I shouldn't. I knew it wasn't right to do to Rose but I couldn't stop myself from saying yes.

I paid both of our tabs and waved to the other attendings who looked at me with intrigue. I gave Mark and a look, and he nodded. He would make something up for me so that there wasn't a ton of rumors circling. I wrapped my arm around Meredith when we made it outside and she melted in my embrace. I held her tightly against me and breathed in the familiar scent of lavender.

"Come on, let's go to your place. Let's talk." I told her when I noticed all the looks, we were getting outside of Joe's. I didn't typically care about gossip or what people thought but this is her career, and I don't want misinformation going around about her and I that could jeopardize things for her.

I drove her to her place using the instructions she gave me.

"Crap" she muttered when I pulled the car up her driveway.

"What?"

"I have roommates. Izzie and George. They're both home." She told me nervously biting her lip. My eyes watched her lip biting a little longer than I intended too but I recovered quickly "I don't care." I stated simply.

I walked behind her into the house and saw her roommates sitting on the couch watching a movie. Izzie had a large bowl of popcorn sitting between them "Oh Mer- finally, you're home. Can we watch another one of your mom's surgeries tapes?" Izzie asked. Then her eyes turned to me, and she gave George a look "Oh, hi Dr. Shepherd." She spoke.

"Hi Dr. Shepherd." George said. They both looked between Meredith and me curiously. She gave them a look and they quickly made excuses as to why they had to go upstairs.

"Do you want a drink?" she asked me when they disappeared.

"I do. What do you have?" I asked following her to the liquor cabinet.

She pulled out her trusted bottle of tequila and a glass.

"Let's just share the tequila" I told her after realizing there wasn't really anything else that looked good to me.

She poured us each a drink in the glasses, and I took a seat beside her on the floor of her living room.

"You saw your dad tonight." I stated looking at her face waiting for her reaction.

"I saw my dad tonight." She repeated and kicked back the drink quickly. There was no savoring it. She was already pouring another.

I put my hand out to stop her from drinking the next glass. "He's not worth destroying yourself over." I told her softly.

She laughed and it came out as a sob. "My mother was right. I should have never come here. I don't belong in Seattle."

"Hey, don't say that. You deserved to learn the truth about your dad. Even if it's an ugly truth, at least you don't have the question anymore."

She scoffed "I still have questions Derek. There are so many what-ifs. God, I've made so many mistakes I don't know how to crawl my way back anymore." She kicked back the next glass of tequila. So many words between us that carried such deeper meanings.

"I've made mistakes too." I admitted softly

"Yeah, like what? You're perfect. You've always been so fucking perfect. You're like the perfect man."

I took the tequila from her and took another shot myself. God, I was feeling it and she looks so beautiful. "I'm far from perfect."

She inched closer to me "Do you want to know what I think?" she told me

I looked into her eyes "More than anything" I breathed

"I think I made a mistake. I think I should've said yes. I think that we could have totally different lives right now if I would've just done what I wanted not what I thought was right."

"I think you're right." I whispered as my face involuntarily got closer to hers.

M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D

In this moment, I didn't care about what was right and what was wrong. All I knew is that he was here sitting in front of me on my living room floor and I needed him. I leant forward and my lips found his. He didn't hesitate. He didn't pull away. He wrapped his arms around me, and he deepened our kiss. Within a matter of moments, the kiss got heated and I was moving on top of him and had him straddled on the floor. The fire going was a nice touch by my roommates little did they know what would actually be happening tonight on our living room floor.

His hands moved their way up and down my upper body and his hands were working to tear off my top. When he got me down to just my bra he broke the kiss.

"Meredith" he breathed and then kissed my mouth again

"Mer- should I?" he broke it off again and then pulled me back in for another kiss.

He stopped himself with obvious effort on his end "Should I stop?" he asked looking me in the eye. A saw a longing there.

"No" I mumbled leaning down and kissing him harder. That was all he needed, and he had me pushed up against the wall. I felt his erection pushing into me and his mouth was attacking mine. I felt every feeling of the last 3 years, the distance, the pain, the need for each other. We told our story through the passion in our kisses, our touches our bodies.

I was unbuttoning his shirt revealing his clearly defined muscles. I felt myself flashback to all the occasions where he thrusted into me, and everything felt right.

He kissed down my collar bone and down my chest unhooking my bra and taking my breasts into his mouth.

"God, I want you." He mumbled in-between kisses. My hands felt his erection through his pants, and I unbuckled them as he kissed all my spots remembering how they'd make me moan.

I ran my hands through his hair as he positioned me on his lap. I was on top taking the lead and when he slid my panties off, I knew he could feel how ready I was for him.

I rode him and our mouths attacked each other as we felt how good it was to connect on this way. It had been so long.

I felt him cum inside of me and shortly after he helped me get there too. I rolled off him and we caught our breath momentarily.

"Want to go again?" I asked him after a minute

"For old times' sake?" he asked with a small smile.

Our lips connected again ready to start round 2. How did I ever leave the warmest bed I'd ever known?