AU: Thank you to those who have been reviewing. I really do get a ton of joy from hearing your feedback and seeing interest in this story. I apologize for the delay between recovering from surgery and reading a lot of great fanfics, my own stories have fallen to the back burner a bit.

Right where you left me

Derek's POV

I awoke to a warming feeling on my upper body. It felt good, safe really. I opened my eyes slowly to see the bright sun coming up from a window I had never seen before. I felt something, well someone pressed against me and at once the smell of lavender engulfed me. I've been here before. Well, not here here but here with her. I kept myself from looking down for a moment because I knew I would see her. As soon as I did, I would have to live with the consequence. I didn't care if I lost my girlfriend. I didn't care if the whole hospital knew. I did however care about the damage this was going to do to me. I was barely over her before she showed up and one look and I already felt myself reeled back in. Her memory was one I didn't mess with for a very long time and here I was allowing myself to be sucked back in to the daydream and nightmare that was Meredith Grey.

I took in the surroundings before I allowed myself to gaze down at her and enjoyed the comfort of her body pressed against mine. It was an old house, but it looked like it was kept well. It was homey and inviting with a fireplace and a bookshelf filled to the brim. It looked like the house belonged to a college professor or someone who loved literature. It was nice house. It suited her in a way.

Finally, I looked down and the sight before me took my breath. She was naked, her wild blonde locks messy from last night's festivities sprawled all around. She was sleeping peacefully, so so peacefully. I sighed and couldn't seem to stop myself from kissing her forehead softly. I savored the moment and pulled my lips away after what felt like an eternity. I didn't want to leave her arms, but I couldn't stay. I took in her sight one last time committing this moment to memory before slowly pulling myself away and wrapping her in the blanket that covered our legs.

I looked around for a note pad. I needed to leave her a note. Finally, I located one and a pen and wrote quick before she awoke and before her roommates came downstairs. I could hear them moving around upstairs and any moment now they would descend the steps. "We should talk. I'll come by after my shift. -Derek". I knew today was her day off. I hate to say that I had been studying the intern schedule for weeks finding comfort in knowing when we were at the hospital at the same time.

With one last look, I left to go through the foyer hoping that she would wake up before her roommates came downstairs, so they didn't have to see her on the floor. A part of me thought I should wake her up, but I didn't know what I wanted to say to her yet and I needed a surgery to clear my head. I would be back tonight.

M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D

I woke up to Izzie Stevens staring at me while nursing a cup of hot tea.

"Morning Mer" she said with a smirk. I looked around to see I was on the floor and suddenly I felt the pounding in my head. Too much Tequila last night. Way too much tequila.

"God, it reeks in here." Izzie told me knowingly. Between the smell of the spilled tequila and what took place on this floor several times, I couldn't blame her.

I adjusted the blanket around me and I moved to find my clothes giving her a nod of acknowledgement. It was still early and I didn't have words yet.

"Looking for this?" Izzie asked with a laugh holding up my bra

"Thanks" I muttered grabbing it and going upstairs "I'm just going to… um… clean up" I told her

"Oh don't take too long. You have a lot of explaining to do." She told me shaking her head and I groaned.

I took my time showering and getting ready. Hoping maybe Izzie would have something else to do on her day off besides want to deep dive into my relationship history.

I tried to push the thoughts of Derek out of my mind. I don't know what happened last night, well I do know. I just don't know how. Derek made it clear he didn't want anything to do with me and then next thing I know he's drinking at the bar with me, we're going back to my place and he's inside of me. I feel like I expressed every single feeling since I met him into last night. The multiple rounds. The wanting. I don't know what this all means or why I woke up alone this morning. I'm sure he's regretting last night and wants to pretend like it never happened.

Did you hear about the girl who got frozen? Time moved on for everyone else, but she won't know it. She's still 23 inside her fantasy. That girl is me. Twenty-three-year-old me clutching onto the moment before Derek proposed, when everything was perfect and when my life had purpose. For a long time turning him down seemed like the right decision. I missed him so terribly I would wake up in the middle of night unable to breath. My eyes would inadvertently look for him anytime I went out. I longed for him, but I knew I wasn't ready. Now, I don't know why I didn't just say yes. I was so in love. So damn in love with him. I knew I would never experience the kind of love Derek and I shared ever again. I didn't attempt to. I had my mommy issues and my daddy issues and my Derek issues and those were enough to sustain me. My self-loathing sustained me. It wasn't a shock to me that Derek had a girlfriend, he was that kind of guy. The kind of guy you hold to if you can help it. The kind of guy you jump at the opportunity to marry unless your name is Meredith Grey.

And then last night happened and I forgot for a moment that he had a girlfriend. I forgot that I showed up to my dad's house and he didn't want me there. I forgot that my mother isn't speaking to me. I forgot the history between Derek and I and for the first time in my life I gave into what I truly wanted to do.

And now, I'm here in my shower trying to cleanse myself from sleeping with another woman's boyfriend. Cleanse myself of the mistakes I've made. Cleanse myself of Ellis expectations and of my father's lack of interest in me. Cleansed, I would never be.

I walked downstairs to see Izzie baking. She definitely will want to talk now. I inwardly groaned. I busied myself in the living room cleaning up from last night. I was grateful she didn't beat me to it. I picked up the empty tequila bottles and the rest of my clothes. I moved the pillows to the room with the washing machine and dryer. I tidied up as much as possible until a note caught my eye. It was from Derek. He said he would be back tonight to talk. I felt a moment of hope that he didn't just want to forget everything that happened but then I felt nerves. I had no idea what he was going to say. If he was upset. If he was happy. If he was angry, confused. I didn't even know fully how I felt except maybe a little ashamed and unsure of what this all meant.

"I'm making muffins." Came Izzie's voice pulling me from my thoughts.

"Great" I said back to her with a tight smile.

"So, you and McDreamy?" she questioned with her eyebrows raised.

"Don't call him that" I groaned

"Fine. You and Dr. Shepherd? What the hell is with that?" she asked crossing her arms getting defensive.

My fingers played with the note he left me as I sat on the couch figuring out just how much I wanted Izzie to know.

When I didn't say anything, she continued "Meredith he's an attending and he has a girlfriend. What were you thinking?" she asked sharply.

"I wasn't" I quickly blurted. It was the truth. I wasn't thinking. It just happened. I needed him and, in that moment, I'd like to think he needed me too.

Izzie scoffed "Mer- it's career suicide and for what- to scrub in on a few surgeries? I hope it's worth it."

I was getting annoyed "You don't know what you're talking about." I told her sharply.

"Oh I don't? You think he's just going to what? Leave his girlfriend and ride into the sunset with an intern?"

"We were in love. Back in Boston. We dated for years. He proposed to me, and I turned him down and I didn't know he was going to be here. I didn't know Izzie." I blurted and her face dropped and before she could say anything the doorbell rang. I jumped at the opportunity to leave the hostile atmosphere with Izzie and her judgement and her crappy muffins that were actually delicious and far from crappy.

I was startled to see my old friend Jackson Avery in front of me with a small duffle bag.

"Surprise!" he greeted me with a grin

"What are you doing here?" I asked him surprised. He was the last person I expected to see on the other side of my door.

"Just came to visit an old friend." He stated

"Did my mother put you up to this?" I asked him as he moved past me into the house.

He gave me a look that I didn't quite know how to take but then laughed and told me no that he was truly just here to visit.

After a bit, I caved and just accepted that my friend flew across the country randomly to visit me- his true intentions would eventually unveil themselves. It's not like he could be in town for long.

I could tell that Izzie thought he was cute as she shamelessly flirted with him throughout the day. I told him that he was lucky he caught me on my day off because the hospital owned my ass, and I wasn't sure how much he would really get to see me. We ended up doing a few touristy things around the city like visiting Pike's place market and checking out the Space Needle. It turned out to be cool because those were all things, I hadn't gotten around to yet and probably wouldn't.

When we got back home, Izzie informed us that she was making dinner. Jackson told me that he wanted to explore the old house as he seemed to have a fascination with it. I followed him outside where we took a seat on the old porch swing my dad had built many many years ago.

"Jackson" I started

"Meredith" he replied matching my tone and offering me a smile

"What are you doing here? Seriously this time." I asked him.

He sighed deeply "You've always been smart. Smarter than me at least." he replied offering me a sad sympathetic smile

"Just spit it out" I told him starting to get nervous.

"Ellis is sick." He stated simply

"What?" I asked

"She's been diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's. It's progressing fast and she recently stepped down as Chief. I thought you should know." He told me avoiding my gaze and staring at the lawn ornaments Izzie put out to add character to the house.

"Alzheimer's? Are you sure?" I asked him in disbelief. My mom was only in her 50's, this couldn't be happening.

"I'm sure. Catherine's helping her get everything in order. I know the two of you aren't speaking since you moved out here but...maybe you should be."

"Yeah" I whispered mostly to myself. He put an arm around me to comfort me as I sat shell-shocked. My mother had Alzheimer's. Ellis Grey had Alzheimer's. My mother who could move mountains, train massive surgical teams, perform impossible surgeries was going to succumb to an illness that would rob her of who she was and who she had been her whole life. And she had no one. Sure, Catherine Avery had been a longtime family friend, but my mother was essentially alone.

And where was she now? Boston. Right where I left her.

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Derek's POV

Today was a doozy. I was thrown in back-to-back surgeries and had to deal with an angry girlfriend. I knew as soon as I was out of my last surgery, I should have been on the hunt for Rose to make things better with her but that's not where my mind was. I needed to speak to Meredith. I needed to see her. I needed to know what last night meant. I needed to know what now?

I checked my watch realizing that my last surgery went much longer than I intended, and it was already after 10. Luckily, Meredith lived close to the hospital and if I changed quick, I could pick up some take-out and be at her place by 10:30.

I decided to grab takeout Japanese and made the quick drive to her place that I memorized from driving her home last night. I quickly existed the car with my takeout in one-hand. All the lights were off, so I wasn't sure if she was already asleep, but I had to try.

I rang the doorbell and waited a second for someone to answer. After what felt like forever, Meredith answered the door in just a t-shirt. Her hair was messy like it airdried when she got out of the shower and her long lean legs were on display. She looked beautiful.

"Hi" I greeted her with a smile. She matched my smile and gave me a smirk

"Take-out?" she asked with her head turned to the side. She looked adorable.

"I'm hungry, I thought you may be too." I told her. Before she could respond, she heard footsteps and turned her head and attention away from me.

"Hey, Mer. I thought I heard something down here." I heard another man's voice call. I looked to see that man as none other than Jackson Avery shirtless with a towel wrapped around his lower half.

I looked between him and Meredith and felt my jaw clench. So many thoughts were running through my mind but the obvious was that there was something going on between them. He was practically naked in front of her, and she was standing in just a t-shirt and what I assumed were panties underneath. I could be wrong about that. She could have nothing on underneath and that angered me further.

"Shepherd, is that you?" Jackson asked me with a smile. I wanted to punch him.

"Clearly, I've interrupted something." I heard myself bark out.

"I'm going to go." I told her void of emotion

"But the food and talking. We should talk." She told me confused

"Another time Meredith." I said with finality before I physically removed myself from her front porch step. She looked at me with confusion written all over her face.

As I drove away, I saw her back turn and close the door, probably to finish whatever she started with him. How could I be such a fool?