walk steady on this cruel world's path
By: Aviantei
Part Seventeen:
Interlude: "I'd Wanted to Become Someone That Everyone Would Admire I"
Agatsuma Zenitsu has always had good hearing. So many things he can pick up without even trying: sounds that others can't make out from a distance, quiet whispers to keep away prying ears, words heard in his sleep, even down to the biology of living beings, people's feelings.
It's the last one that gets him in trouble the most, though hearing secrets he's not supposed to know about is a close contender. After letting the wrong thing slip and calling people out on their lies one too many times, Zenitsu learns to keep his mouth shut. Can't get hit if you never say anything; can't make anyone mad at you if you pretend to be clueless, just like everyone else.
Sometimes, he wonders if his hearing is why his parents abandoned him.
If he stops listening close, if he pretends not to know what's going on, he'll be fine. So he convinces himself that he doesn't hear the lies, doesn't hear the secrets, doesn't hear the everything, as if that's supposed to make anything better.
It does for some time, and then it doesn't, because people don't want him anyways. Zenitsu knows he's a coward, that he can't do anything right the first time or the second or however many times come after that. He's okay at the koto and the shamisen, but all that's worth is snagging him a few coins here and there. Still, it's what he does, because the rest of the world is terrifying, and everyone else gets tired of dragging him along in time. He's a burden, so they leave him behind.
As much as Zenitsu pretends that he can't hear it, he knows that no one expects him to ever be capable of anything. Hell, even he doesn't expect himself to be capable of anything. He just knows that one of these days he's going to die without a single accomplishment to his name, and that's just about all that he's worth.
Except there are the girls, with their pretty faces and their even prettier words. They like him—insomuch as they can like having a cute charity project to make themselves feel better—and that's almost enough reason to keep pushing. One of them shows him some more songs on the koto and then ditches him in a fit of jealousy whenever he manages to surpass her skill. Another strings him along for a while so she can have a rebellious phase against her arranged marriage, and then she's gone once her fiancé has done enough to win her favor. And then there's another, and another, and—oh, you would think, that after getting taken advantage of so many times, Zenitsu would rely on his keen sense of hearing to smoke out the liars before things can escalate too far, you would think, but he doesn't.
He can't hear anything, and that's okay.
It's nice to be wanted for once, even if it's a lie.
And that's how the debt racks up. After several other failed attempts at winning over ladies who are the ones working over him, Zenitsu ends up chasing after another girl, with an orange kimono and pretty black eyes. By that point, he's picked up a good enough repertoire on the koto that he can earn enough to stay alive and still buy her nice gifts on the side, so that's what he does. And then, before he knows it, she's gone, run off with some other guy, and the debt collectors are after him, and Zenitsu can cry and plead that he doesn't know what's going on, though he knows just what happened.
And that's when Jī-chan shows up.
The first thing that strikes Zenitsu is the old man's sound. Sure, his body is aged and he's missing a leg, but he doesn't sound the slightest bit weak. He has a presence like electricity is coursing through his veins, and Zenitsu stops crying from the pure shock, so he can listen close to the man known as Kuwajima Jigorō.
And then the next thing Zenitsu knows, his debts are covered and he's in a house he's never seen before, with some scary guy that looks just like the type that would kick Zenitsu's ass if they ever bumped into each other on the streets, and what's this about learning how to use a sword and fighting demons? He didn't sign up for this! Just dump him back on the street and let the debt collector flay him already; it's gonna end the same way!
Except there's another sound that enters the room, and a voice that could catch Zenitsu's attention without even having to raise its volume:
"If you're that scared, you don't need to worry. Sensei decided to train you because he thought you could handle it. That's that."
The woman before him is a simple presence. A subtle yet pretty face, long brown hair pulled back into a braid, skin with a pinkish tint that pairs well with the pale lilac to deep violet haori that has the same triangle pattern as Kuwajima's over it. If Zenitsu were to see her on the street, he'd blush and gush and not think anything out of the ordinary—but the sound that makes up her being is so unlike anything he's ever heard before, like a solo in a key that conflicts with the rest of musical arrangement around it.
But she's pretty, and she has a sword at her hip, so she's also one of Kuwajima's students? "Wait, what's this? I get to train with a pretty girl? Jī-chan, you never mentioned anything like this; I'm in—"
"Bold of you to assume I'm a girl," she says, and Zenitsu has to pause to listen again, because he's good at hearing the differences. No, he can hear that well enough, though it's a bit more muted than usual. "I'm not a boy, either," she—they?—add, their tone brokering no room for argument. Is that why they sound so unusual, so unlike everything Zenitsu's ever experienced before?
He doesn't understand, and he says so, and that leads to the first long lecture he's to receive from this person. From Rairi, his new senpai.
It's not until the night has fallen and Zenitsu's fed and bathed and lying in a futon in his new room that he realizes he never managed to convince Kuwajima to not teach him how to use a sword.
Training is every bit as hellish as he thought it would be. There's just so much that could go wrong, and Zenitsu's mind is playing a reel of the ways he could die on infinite repeat. Whenever Rairi and Kaigaku spar, Zenitsu keeps imagining them knocking each other out, cutting each other to ribbons. His own training is intense enough that he's lucky can move to eat dinner at night, what with the bruises he gets from Jī-chan whacking him around with the cane and all, and Zenitsu's entire body aches straight through until the morning, where he's expected to do it all over again.
Everything's awful. What's the point of having reliable food and shelter and clean clothes (his new haori a yellow to orange that matches Jī-chan's and Rairi's in pattern) if he's going to get trained to death first?
He cries and panics on a daily basis. Whenever he thinks he can get away with it, he runs, though it can't get him too far. Jī-chan is way faster than anyone would expect out of him from a glance, and he can trip Zenitsu up with ease. Kaigaku and Rairi aren't as speedy—they're more like the rumble of thunder than the flash of lightning that Jī-chan is—but they're quick enough to catch up with Zenitsu, and they drag him back to training, every single time.
Kaigaku just curses at him, tosses him back to the ground, and goes back to his own lessons. Rairi also drags him back without mercy, but they're softer, even when the beats of irritation crackle underneath the surface.
"But I promise you, Sensei won't put you through anything you can't handle," they say one day, pulling him back to where Jī-chan and Kaigaku are waiting. "Oh, yeah, it'll hurt like hell, and you'll end up exhausted. But if you keep at it, you'll get better and better, and that's all he'll ask for. I survived it, though I got knocked around for my mistakes more than once, so you can do it, too, Zenitsu."
You can do it, too, Zenitsu.
He hasn't heard anything like that in so long that he can't even remember. Though he told himself he wouldn't anymore, Zenitsu lets himself listen for the first time in a long time—and not listen like he used to, where he just heard what he wanted to, but listen for the truth and the lies, because he's already struggling enough, and he doesn't want to get hurt again.
Rairi is genuine, not a trace of patronization in their voice. They do think that Zenitsu's capable of learning this sword style, this thing they call Thunder Breathing.
"If you come back and try again, that's what matters most, Zenitsu."
So he tries. Oh, it sucks just as much as it did before—maybe even worse since he's putting more effort into it—but he's trying. He fumbles his bokuto, he breaks down in tears, he runs away. But the practice sword starts to feel more comfortable in his hands as he forms calluses, the rhythm for Total Concentration Breathing starts to feel at place in his chest, and somedays it all starts to feel possible—so long as he ignores the fact that getting better is just going to dump him in the path of a man-eating demon somewhere down the line.
Rairi supports him, listens to him whine. Jī-chan scolds him and criticizes his technique, but doesn't give up on his pathetic efforts. Kaigaku complains about him every second of the damn day, but he'll still do his duty and drag Zenitsu back to practice whenever he needs to.
It's nice to be wanted for once.
It's even nicer that this time it's not a lie.
That said, Zenitsu still isn't immune to a pretty face, and there's plenty of girls in the town near Jī-chan's home that fit his tastes. His well-earned days off are spent heading out on the streets, enjoying snacks he never would have been able to afford to eat otherwise and admiring the view. There's this one girl, who wears lavender and ties her brunette hair up in an intricate bun with tiny flower ornamentations. Whenever she and Zenitsu cross paths, her delicate lips turn up into a little smile, and he's certain she's the one he's gonna marry.
And then Rairi knocks him on his ass in the middle of the road between the rice paddies and gives him yet another lecture.
"We never—and I mean, never—assume someone's interest or consent. The only thing that you're allowed to act on is when someone has told you—and I mean clearly, explicitly told you that they're interested or that they want you to do something.
"There's nothing wrong with liking girls and appreciating their beauty. Hell, even I see a pretty girl every now and then and I can't help but notice. But when you only think about your feelings without ever considering theirs, then you're not giving them the respect they deserve.
"Marriage is a commitment to enjoy spending the rest of your life with someone. Don't muck up that possible future with a bad first impression, okay?"
He's never even heard anything like this before, but that seems to be the norm whenever Rairi's involved. Rairi operates on a set of values that makes sense when he hears them, but he wouldn't have come up with on his own. And since Zenitsu can hear that Rairi's dead serious about this lecture, he absorbs the words and asks for more advice and understands a little bit more what respect means.
The pretty girl in town still smiles at him, but Zenitsu returns the gesture and moves on without looking back.
He still has his old koto tucked away in his room, but he hasn't touched it in months. Too much training, too much exhaustion, too much everything taking up his attention. But one day off he doesn't feel like going into town and there's not much else to do, so he pulls the thing out and sits on the porch as the cicadas hum in the background. His new sword wielder calluses make plucking on the strings painless, and his fingers find their home once more—though he has to tune the instrument again after so much time out of use.
Zenitsu's in the middle of tweaking the twelfth string when he hears the familiar sound of Rairi hovering in the hall behind him, and he says without thinking, "You can come and watch if you want, Senpai. I don't mind."
Rairi's gasp is as soft as whisper, and Zenitsu hits a sour note that echoes through the air. Total Concentration users are overall quiet when they move, and Rairi's rather adept at not making a sound as they walk, not even so much as a footfall that Zenitsu's ears can pick out. It's the rest of their presence that they can't erase—but he has no idea how to explain that in a way that won't turn into scorn, into suspicion, into hatred.
He's become so relaxed here that he forgot that he isn't supposed to be able to hear anything.
Zenitsu fumbles for an excuse, but Rairi lands on the porch beside him, their hands pressing into the wood as they lean forward, staring at him with expectation. "What gave me away?" they ask, their earlier surprise having melted away into a determined curiosity. "I was pretty sure I didn't make a sound, and even Sensei said I've been doing good. How'd you tell, Zenitsu?"
He stammers over the syllables, fumbling for an excuse, but Rairi's expression is so intense and earnest that he can't bring himself to lie, so Zenitsu says, "You didn't. Not when you moved. But I, uh—" He swallows, and his voice drops down to a whisper. "I could still hear you. Like your heartbeat and stuff. So I noticed, sorry if it creeped you out, I can just—" He scrambles to pick up the koto and bolt without harming the instrument, not wanting to hear the moment where all of Rairi's patience and care turns into disgust and hatred like everyone before them.
But Rairi catches onto his haori and keeps him in his seat, their eyes shining. "Are you for real? That's so fucking cool!" Zenitsu's jaw drops open, and the koto flops into his lap, almost tipping over his knees. "Do you have any idea how helpful that would be to have in a fight? You could hear the enemy before they're even on you, and like—what else can you hear, Zenitsu?"
"Um, stuff moving through the air?" He's so caught off guard by the reaction that the truth comes spilling out. "People's feelings. And like, uh—" He plucks again at the koto, this time on the thirteenth string. "That one's flat, so I gotta tweak it—" he turns the knob before playing the note once more, the correct sound resonating through the air, and, when he strums out a familiar scale, a perfect harmony springs to life "—like that."
"Amazing," Rairi breathes, their excitement visible and audible in unison. "You're amazing, Zenitsu." And then they smile, and Zenitsu hears a sound in his own heart that he recognizes as his pulse hitches and his face flushes, and oh, gods, he likes Rairi, his own senpai, when the hell did that happen? What's he supposed to do with that information?
Zenitsu is no stranger to falling for someone, but, several lectures from and talks with Rairi later, he knows how he behaved before was wrong. Rairi isn't someone he can just obsess over, isn't someone he can disrespect by forcing his feelings on them without any other consideration. And while they're genuine in their praise for him, do they even feel the same way, or do they just care for him as their kōhai?
He's too afraid to listen close for that answer.
If you think a girl is pretty, fine, but use that as an opportunity to get to know her before you even think about marrying her, the memories of Rairi's voice tell him, and Zenitsu latches onto that. Because it doesn't matter that Rairi isn't a girl, because he knows them by now, beyond just their appearance, and he likes it all—but there's still a lot he needs to do if he's going to be worthy of ever earning their affection in return.
So Zenitsu swallows, breathes to steady himself, and offers to play Rairi a song on the koto, the rest of the day passing in peace.
The rest of his training does not pass in peace. Even when he gets a handle on Total Concentration and the basics of Thunder Breathing, his skill is moderate. The first form, the Hekireki Issen, comes easy, but he can never pull off the other five, no matter how hard he tries. Rairi can perform all six, their movements precise and unrelenting. Kaigaku can't manage to pull off the first, but at least he can do the rest, and he spars with a force that's unmatched, even by Rairi's skill. And Zenitsu knows that it makes sense, since the two of them started training before he did, but it doesn't stop him from feeling like he's not good enough, and that feeling intensifies as the first year of his tutelage under Jī-chan passes and the second begins.
First it's spring again, and then it's summer, and Jī-chan announces that Rairi is going to fight a demon, is going to participate in Final Selection to become a member of the Demon Slayer Corps. Zenitsu is—scared, one-hundred percent, because he knows that it's dangerous. Rairi has become a competent sword wielder, but there's no predicting what could happen in a fight, and even less so in one against a demon. He tries to keep calm, to encourage them, but he ends up tearing up anyways.
"If Rairi-senpai can't make it through a week of Final Selection," Kaigaku says like it doesn't even matter, "it'd only be a matter of time before some demon offs them."
(But Zenitsu can tell that he's worried, too, the sound hidden underneath every tough outer layer of the shell that Kaigaku has built around his heart.)
The weeks while Rairi's gone are awful. Anger is Kaigaku's norm, yeah, but he's pissier than normal, and Zenitsu can't even keep a hold on his sword during practice, he's shaking so much. What if Rairi's lying in the middle of Fujikasane-yama right now, bleeding out? What if they're already dead, consumed by a demon? The thought alone is enough for Zenitsu to start crying, and that earns him yet another scolding, though there's a note of uncertainty in Jī-chan's heart as well.
After one of his worst days, Zenitsu runs away to the tree that sits at the apex of one of the hills surrounding Jī-chan's estate, beyond done with everything. If Rairi's dead, there's no way that he'll be able to survive whenever his time comes—all his recent failures to figure out the other Thunder Breathing forms prove it. He's even been practicing extra at night, and he's gotten nowhere! Jī-chan's at the bottom of the tree, trying to convince him to come down, but Zenitsu clings tight to the trunk and refuses, screaming and crying with gusto all the way until the moment that the storm clouds gather and the bolt of lightning strikes.
Two very important things happen that day: Zenitsu's once black hair turns blonde, and Jī-chan tells him it's okay for him to only be able to perform the Hekireki Issen, so long as he hones it to perfection. Zenitsu's half convinced that the whole sequence of events was just a dream, but Kaigaku sneers at his changed appearance over dinner, and Zenitsu wakes up the next morning with his hair still yellow and orange at the tips, so he guesses it's reality.
Within the next week, he hears Rairi's sound on the path home, and he rushes to see them, glad that they're unhurt, glad that they're still alive, and he clings to the few moments they have left.
Rairi may be alive, but they're a Demon Slayer now, and that means they'll be leaving home to put themself in danger.
Zenitsu tries not to think too much about it and trains harder.
The sort of good news is that Jī-chan gives him plenty else to worry and think about—and not just in terms of harsher training when it comes to refining his Hekireki Issen. There's a night at dinner where Jī-chan mentions that it's time for him to select a successor, and the roaring of emotions that erupts among the three of them is deafening enough that Zenitsu can't even figure out who's feeling what, can't even figure out why he's worried. He's the worst of the three of them; there's no way he'll ever receive that honor—
Except Zenitsu's wrong, and Jī-chan declares his intention for all three of his students to serve as his successors, as if it's the natural decision to make.
Zenitsu feels an all-consuming shock; Jī-chan's more than aware of Zenitsu's flaws, so it's not like he's ignoring that. The main feeling coursing through Rairi is a pristine sort of peace, and, though they're surprised, they're not upset by the outcome. It's Kaigaku's emotions that rumble and roar like a bubbling volcano, and he's a full forced eruption as he stands and shouts:
"You've gotta be kidding! I could accept it if you said that Rairi-senpai would be the one to take over! They're strong enough to handle that responsibility. But if you think that scum—" no surprises at all that he's pointing at Zenitsu with that word, it's not the first time "—is worth such a title, I won't accept it!"
Zenitsu does not talk back because—because he thinks Kaigaku is right. Zenitsu is an incomplete student of Thunder Breathing, and he knows that better than anyone else. He's not even worth being a shared successor, no matter how much Jī-chan says he helps to balance out the other two. Jī-chan should just forget about him, focus on preparing Kaigaku and Rairi to take over for him, because both of them can do it. So, no, it's not surprising that Kaigaku loses his temper then and there.
What is surprising is that Rairi lashes back out at him, their own anger making their blood pump and upsetting their otherwise measured breaths. The two of them shout at each other until Kaigaku storms out of the room, and Rairi stands up to chase after him, the embodiment of a raging typhoon—and Zenitsu at last can move, so he catches onto their haori and pulls them back.
"Senpai, don't," he says, already feeling the tears of shame spilling over his cheeks, "I'm not worth the two of you fighting over."
He's not. Zenitsu and Kaigaku's own relationship is strenuous on the best of days—and while Zenitsu admires him as a senpai, as his Aniki, he sometimes thinks that they'll never get along. After all, Zenitsu hates himself some days, so he understands why Kaigaku hates him, too. But Rairi and Kaigaku get along much better (oh, Kaigaku won't ever say anything to that effect, but the sounds in his heart are evidence enough), and Zenitsu does not want to be the reason that the two of them break apart, not when he's already screwed up so much in his life.
Rairi respects his wishes and takes Zenitsu back to his room for the evening, but he can hear the sadness echoing out of their heart, even as they try to be there for him as he cries.
Zenitsu needs to improve, because he never wants to hear them sound like that again.
The days after Rairi leaves for real are the absolute worst. There are no longer any guarantees that they'll see each other again, that Rairi will survive in the Demon Slayer Corps. Sure, it's possible to survive to an old age in the Corps; Sensei is proof of that—but Sensei is also so very skilled, someone who achieved the title of Hashira, plus he had the relative benefit of retiring when he lost his leg and switched to being a Cultivator. And it's not that Zenitsu's doubting Rairi's skill in the slightest, but he knows it's a dangerous job, being a Slayer, and any day Rairi could just disappear off the face of the earth without him being able to do a thing about it.
He shouldn't think it, because without Rairi around, the world sounds normal again, but he can't deny that the house sounds empty without them.
Kaigaku's behavior also takes a turn for the worse, all his frustration boiling up inside his heart without anywhere to go. Zenitsu tries to help, tries to give him something else to focus on, but all that earns him is more insults and potshots at his already faltering confidence. Zenitsu remembers Rairi's words of praise, but some days it's difficult to convince himself that they'd still say such things if they saw his efforts now.
One day, he musters up the courage to ask Kaigaku for help—Rairi's not here anymore, and Sensei's away on business for the day, so he needs to ask someone—and all he earns is more insults and a peach thrown in the face.
"You know what I'm talking about."
Zenitsu does know what Kaigaku's talking about, knows better than anyone how worthless he is, and he hates every bit of it.
"Aren't you ashamed of crying like a baby all day long?"
Of course, he is; he's always been ashamed at how all he can ever accomplish with absolute certainty is breaking down into unrelenting tears.
"Any time spent on you is wasted."
And it sure feels like that some days, now that Zenitsu's trying to forge his own path forward. What if, he can't help but wonder, Jī-chan just told me to focus on the Hekireki Issen and figure it out on my own because he's tired of watching me fail? That sure would be a fine way to pay Jī-chan back for everything he's done: Zenitsu wasting the year and some months he's been under Jī-chan's tutelage. At this rate, he won't even get approved for Final Selection, let alone pass it and join the ranks of the Demon Slayer Corps.
(Once, he thought about being able to save people, thought about becoming a Hashira, just like Jī-chan was, but now those ideas only seem like fleeting dreams, a beautiful future that won't ever come to pass.)
Zenitsu, Jī-chan had told him on the day Zenitsu was struck by lightning and fell from the tree, perfect it. It's alright to cry. It's alright to run away! Just never give up!
Something like confidence pushes the words out of his throat: "But Jī-chan said—"
"'Jī-chan'? Don't you speak of him in that familiar way!"
And so unleashes another torrent of half deserved, half unfair frustration from Kaigaku—one that comes to a stop whenever Rairi arrives in the orchard, their anger a quiet rumble through their veins, but one no less fierce than the fury that Kaigaku always has boiling inside him. This time, the two clash with that intensity, and Zenitsu can't get any words out, even when he wants them both to stop, even when Kaigaku demands, "Why are you here, Zenitsu? Why do you insist on clinging here?"
I'm here because I want to prove that Jī-chan was right when he picked me up. I'm here because I want to help people—because I want you all—someone—to be proud of me for once! But the words die in his throat, the familiar terror and anxiety paralyzing him, his ears picking up every rage-fueled word that flies between his two senpai, no matter how much he wants to block it out.
"Maybe you're right," Rairi says, and Zenitsu's heart almost breaks. "I won't always be there to protect Zenitsu, Kaigaku. I've come to terms with that. But I know that I won't have to, because both my kōhai are strong enough to take care of themselves wherever they may end up."
Just like the rest of Rairi's presence, those words make Zenitsu still, more tears rushing to his already watery eyes. Even after seeing him like this, Rairi still thinks that he's strong enough, and every word is genuine with the emotions in their heart. For the first time in what feels like ages, Kaigaku's rage subsides, like the tide rushing back out to sea—but he's gone before Zenitsu can recognize what the new sound in him is, and Zenitsu at least needs to speak an apology over causing another argument.
But Rairi's not mad at him, and they're just as encouraging as ever. The two of them talk about things, about his Hekireki Issen, about what Jī-chan told him, about what drives both of them to keep going. Rairi wants to perform Thunder Breathing, to make it achieve a level of beauty—and Zenitsu can't help but think they're already beautiful and wonderful enough, that they'll have no trouble achieving even more if that's what they want.
And they think the same about his goal to get stronger, to save people. They believe it with an unwavering conviction, and Zenitsu feels emboldened enough to show them his developing Niren variation of the Hekireki Issen when they ask. It goes alright, about the level he's been able to achieve in practice, and his own nerves are setting off so many sensations in his own body that he can hardly hear Rairi's reaction as they stand up and drop their hands on his shoulders to declare:
"I think your Hekireki Issen is absolutely beautiful."
Knowing their ideals, it's the highest possible compliment, and Zenitsu can't help but cry and hug them, wanting this moment to last for as long as possible.
I'm going to keep training, Senpai. I'm going to get strong enough that I can fight by your side. So please—keep looking out for me, okay?
He doesn't ever get the words out, but Zenitsu's almost certain that Rairi understands him anyways.
The months that follow do not have any more sudden appearances of Rairi in their lives. Zenitsu clings to the letters that they send, each one bringing a pure relief that Rairi's still alive out there, even as the missives sometimes bring word of their injuries. He writes back every time, burdening their Kasugai Crow with lengthy responses that are far longer than anything Sensei pens, keeping the connection between them as strong as it can be with such distance between them.
(Kaigaku will read Rairi's letters, and it's the only time he sounds anything close to at peace anymore, even if he never adds a reply to the others'.)
Zenitsu's relationship with Kaigaku is nowhere near as strong. It would be much more accurate to say that it's just short of nonexistent. They don't speak to each other unless they have to, and, when they do, it's in the bare minimum of words possible. It's for the best, because otherwise they'd just be fighting all the time. Jī-chan does most of the talking during training, at mealtimes, and Zenitsu's always listening for the faintest echo of Rairi's presence to show up, but it never, ever does.
Summer melts into autumn, melts into winter, and then Kaigaku's slain his first demon and earned the right to go to the next Final Selection. When he leaves, he doesn't come back, though a Corps' crow drops off a notice to let Jī-chan know that his pupil has survived and passed. That means that Zenitsu's the only one left, and he should feel relieved that Kaigaku's out of the house, where he can't lash out at Zenitsu anymore.
In reality, all Zenitsu feels is that the house sounds even quieter with just him and Jī-chan in it.
Winter moves closer and closer to the date in early spring when Zenitsu will have to face Final Selection himself, so there's nothing else he can do but continue to practice, continue to hone his Hekireki Issen. The days seem like they're going by too fast, all of them blurs filled with sparking electricity and the booms of thunder, and the next thing Zenitsu knows he's decapitated his first demon in the dark and Sensei's patting him on the back, sending him off on the road to Fujikasane-yama like Kaigaku and Rairi and all the other students that came before them.
Zenitsu is terrified, in tears, and uncertain he's ever going to survive—but he somehow manages to make it through Final Selection, and his performance there becomes an excellent predictor of his following career as a Demon Slayer. He heard, in passing, that people who aren't strong enough don't have their Nichirin blades change color, and he worries the same will be true for him. When the lightning bolt pattern slips up the middle, Zenitsu's left gaping, because there must've been some mistake, there's no way he could have the potential to be that powerful, not with how he is.
Now that he's on the job, every mission assignment from Chuntarō makes him panic, no matter how cute the sparrow (and how come he got the sparrow?!) is, and Zenitsu ends up screaming before he pulls himself together to launch off a Hekireki Issen and emerge victorious.
In time, he learns how to use his anxiety to his advantage: most demons let their guard down the moment he starts to cry, and it's almost too easy to run away and have them follow into a terrain that's in his favor. One night, it hits him that, yeah, he's scared, but not enough to freak out, and he manages to take the demon's head without even needing to pull that card.
It's…strange, but he likes it.
Is this what being confident is like? It sure feels like the case whenever he tells Rairi the story in a letter and they send back an enthusiastic response. Even Jī-chan seems satisfied, though his calligraphy is much more measured.
(Zenitsu doesn't write to Kaigaku as often, but every now and then he tries, and he hasn't ever received a response.)
He's much less worried when he gets sent on a mission after that point, but there's still that panic, fluttering in his chest like a bird in a cage, but it doesn't feel like it can stop him anymore. Maybe make him pause for a moment, but never enough to keep his hand from his sword, to keep his breathing steady, to stop him from embodying the lightning itself as he executes his Hekireki Issen and scores the kill.
Maybe there's a chance he can become a Hashira and do Jī-chan proud after all.
It's when he's following Chuntarō's instructions to investigate a manor in the woods that even sounds like it's filled with enemies that he meets Kamado Tanjirō—a boy overflowing with such a kind reverberation that it's almost unbearable. It's for that reason alone that Zenitsu doesn't question why there's a demon in the box on Tanjirō's back, why he says what's inside the box is more important than his own life. Zenitsu focuses on the mission instead, managing to take out a demon and protecting the child he's protecting in a series of events that ends up with Zenitsu getting flung out the window following the distant echo of a tsuzumi from somewhere inside the house. He's pretty sure he heard his ribs crack when he hit the ground, but Shōichi is safe, so it's fine that he's unconscious for a little bit afterwards.
A little less fine is his first meeting with the boar-head wearing mess that is Hashibira Inosuke, but that's very much influenced by the fact that the heathen decides to kick the crap out of Zenitsu as he defends Tanjirō's box—but the kerfuffle works out in the end, as does the mission in the manor. The demons are gone, the people killed now have graves, Shōichi and his siblings make it home safe, and then it's time for the now assembled Demon Slayer trio to take some time to rest in the closest Wisteria House.
Zenitsu spends the next few weeks of recovery meeting the demon in the box (Nezuko, Tanjirō's little sister), adjusting to the presence of his new companions, and sending a letter to Rairi and Sensei to let them know how he's been.
And then the three of them receive clean bills of health and are assigned to Natagumo-yama.
[Author's Notes]
Something a little different this week (and next update as well).
Thanks go to ILikeFoxes828, Phanta (Guest), JJafan, Daeth313, gg (Guest), CasualDucK, florrspace24, tawsifakok007, Amby11, HolicValn, Neophite2545, AliexQ, Patricio Jimenez Viera, Deaterrae, and dolfitos for the favorites, follows, and reviews! I'm glad last chapter seemed to go over well.
Funnily enough, my original plan for this interlude was for it all to be one chapter, and then it got way too big for that, so I split it into two. This part is the slower one, but I hope the Zenitsu POV shows off some extra insights, plus shows off where his story differs from his Canon one without being too much of telling you things you already know about. I would much appreciate feedback, since interludes like this are tricky.
It's also funny to think that it's only been a year since I've finished the Kimetsu anime, came up with Rairi's concept, finished the manga, and started writing. Me of one year ago had no idea what I was getting into. And since the manga finished releasing its official English volumes and I've reread the series, my brain is already plotting out a short post-canon story for walk steady, so, um, look forward to that when we finally get there? We still have a ways to go, though.
Someone also asked if I have headcanon voices for Rairi and Shimizu and I have to admit I...don't. I'm pretty bad at that sort of thing. gg suggested Ozawa Ari for Shimizu, and for what limited context I have for this seiyuu, that could work. Ueda Kana could also maybe work for her? And maybe Park Romi for Rairi, but I'm not super sold on that. If you have voice headcanons, I'd love to hear them!
It's time for a Taishō Era Secret! The chapter title for the Zenitsu interludes is a translation of some lyrics from "Haiboku no Shōnen" ("The Defeated Boy), produced by Kemu and the original version sung by GUMI. To the people who recognized this was such a perfect Zenitsu song and made AMVs with it so I could realize it, too, thank you very much.
After Rairi went a whole half a year without asking or realizing that they were learning to use a sword for, Kuwajima made a conscious effort to be more upfront in explaining to potential pupils that the goal was to train them to become Demon Slayers. This proposal worked very well with Kaigaku, and just a bit less so with Zenitsu, as seen here.
Next Time: Interlude featuring That's Not Senpai, wishes for better days, and awakening from dreams. Please look forward to it!
-Avi
[08.14.2021]