walk steady on this cruel world's path

By: Aviantei

Part Eighteen:

Interlude: "I'd Wanted to Become Someone That Everyone Would Admire II"

The mountain is still at least a kilometer away and Zenitsu's ears are already picking all sorts of god-awful sounds that he wants nothing to do with, but he marches forward anyways. At the base, the Corps member getting yanked back through the air and into the trees after they've managed to escape is just an utterly delightful touch that makes Zenitsu want to bolt in the opposite direction, but he doesn't.

If you come back and try again, that's what matters most, Zenitsu.

It's alright to cry. It's alright to run away! Just never give up!

Rairi and Jī-chan may have said that it's fine to walk away, but if Zenitsu's going to come back in the end, he might as well just stay there the first time.

He enters the forest with Tanjirō and Inosuke, and the first experience isn't fun. Corps members getting controlled like puppets with spider threads and turning against each other is a pain, and the hundreds of tiny spiders crawling everywhere in a pure nightmare of a sound can just reconnect strings whenever they're cut. Tanjirō suggests they find the source, Inosuke's already used some self-designed Beast Breathing technique to pin down the demon behind it, Murata (the one still conscious Slayer that let them know about the situation) volunteers to stay back and hold the others off while Tanjirō goes forward, and Zenitsu's about to follow his friends when he hears it, that discordant solo in the middle of the larger symphony of the world.

Could it be…?

"You guys go on ahead!" he shouts, already sprinting off towards the sound, in the opposite direction that Tanjirō and Inosuke are headed. "I'm sure you two can handle it; I need to check something out!"

Splitting up is stupid since there are multiple demons on this godforsaken mountain, but Zenitsu has to make sure before he commits to any further moves. Tanjirō shouts something understanding, his sound radiating nothing but trust, and Zenitsu takes that as a blessing. He covers ground quick, taking advantage of all his training with Thunder Breathing, passing by trees and pathways, that familiar sound drawing closer until—

"Senpai!"

The person that turns and faces him isn't Rairi. They're too short, their face the wrong shape. Their hair is cut in a bob, a brilliant teal color, and their eyes match, the hue coordinating well with the wave patterns on their haori that they wear over their Corps uniform. They're gorgeous, no doubt, the type of pretty that would have stolen Zenitsu's heart not even two years ago, but all he can feel now is a sense of disappointment because, while the sound is similar, sure, it's obvious from this distance that this person's song is its own thread, a just different enough harmony than the one that Rairi plays.

Zenitsu skids to a stop, his sandals gouging grooves into the dirt, and he tries to find his voice hidden beneath the lump in his throat. "I-I'm sorry," he says in response to the wide-eyed look that Demon Slayer gives him. "I-I thought you were someone—" He cuts the sentence off, remembering the position that he's in. "I'm Agatsuma Zenitsu, Mizunoto."

"Ah, so you are Zenitsu-kun!" the person says, their entire expression lighting up bright enough that it seems like it could kill a demon with the same radiance of the sun. They put a hand to their chest. "I'm Urokodaki Shimizu, Tsuchinoto. I'm friends with your senpai, Rairi-kun!"

That name is enough to set off the lightbulb for Zenitsu; Rairi's talked and written plenty about Urokodaki Shimizu, and now he's meeting the woman in the flesh. "Oh! Senpai's mentioned you before—it's nice to meet you!" There's a little discordant sound that flutters through Urokodaki—That's…confusion?—but it falls away soon enough. Zenitsu glances around, straining his ears for even the faintest echoes of Rairi's presence. "Are they… Is Senpai…?"

Urokodaki shakes her head, and Zenitsu feels his stomach plummet. "I don't know if they got assigned here, but, if they have, I haven't seen them." It's disappointing, after he thought he heard them, but that's how missions in the Corps are. Urokodaki seems to break out of the casual talk, a bit of urgency picking up her pulse. "Still! We gotta do what we can here. I thought I sensed a demon this way, but I haven't been able to find it yet. Shall we look for it, Zenitsu-kun?"

If he listens close—and he kind of has to, given all the freaking spiders on this mountain—he can hear the tell-tale sound of a demon not too far away, along with a bunch of other creepy vibrations he's not looking forward to figuring out what's producing them whatsoever. But he's still here as a Demon Slayer, and he has Urokodaki as backup, so it'll at least be better than going into it alone. He spares a quick prayer for Tanjirō and Inosuke's safety before he nods. "Right. Let's go, Urokodaki-san!"

That earns him a giggle, which was not the reaction he was hoping for. "Sorry," Urokodaki says, still laughing a little. "It's okay for you to call me 'Shimizu-chan.' I don't mind at all."

Zenitsu pauses, because that's a little more familiar than is appropriate for meeting someone for the first time. Then again, plenty of people in the Demon Slayer Corps call each other by their given names without any honorific whatsoever (what're proper manners worth whenever you might all die any day? How many of their ranks are orphans who weren't lucky enough to get family names in the first place?), so it's not that unusual, and it's not like Zenitsu's in a position to be picky. "Right. Shimizu-chan. I think there's something that way. Let's go check it out!"

Without even an ounce of hesitation, Shimizu does follow after him. And, sure enough, there is something in the direction that Zenitsu leads them in, and it's every bit as hellish as the rest of this stupid mountain. There are people hanging from threads of spiderwebs, the pieces connected to a treehouse floating in the middle of a clearing, and around that are these grotesque creatures with spider legs and gray human heads about the size of a toddler's, their wide eyes staring up at Zenitsu with a sound that reverberates in some sort of fear.

Zenitsu can't help it; he lets out a scream (more of a shriek if he's being honest), and even Shimizu is backing away from the collection of creatures from hell muttering, "Gross, gross, gross," under her breath. There's the sound of laughter, and then the ringleader itself comes coasting down from the treehouse, another human head on a spider body, except this one's much larger and has the sound of a stronger demon.

"You like them?" it asks as it hangs upside down, grinning. "They're what happens to people who get injected with my poison. Soon, you two will join them." And, sure enough, there's a blotchy purple mark on Zenitsu's palm that he must have gotten without realizing, and the thought of turning into one of those disgusting little creatures is enough to make him feel faint. The fact that the spider demon is talking about the side effects of its poison with a handy pocket watch as a guide isn't helping matters at all, and Zenitsu's whole body trembles in a way that it hasn't in a while.

It's the soft whisper of "Zenitsu-kun," from Shimizu that catches his attention, quiet enough that the demon won't be able to notice, but more than loud enough for Zenitsu's sensitive ears to hear. He glances over to Shimizu, making sure to just move his eyes to give her acknowledgement, but nowhere near enough to give it away to the enemy. "Don't panic. If we defeat the demon, the effects of its poison should weaken, plus we can use Total Concentration to control the rate it's moving through our bodies. You're a Thunder Breathing user like Rairi-kun, so you're much better at covering long distances fast than I am. If I keep these smaller ones out of the way, can you get the leader?"

Shimizu's outward calm in the face of panic is admirable, and it makes it much easier for Zenitsu to get ahold of himself. The demon is, what, not even twenty meters away? Of course he can cover that distance, even without his improved Hekireki Issen. The smaller spider-baby-things could have been annoying to deal with on his own, but he has backup now. His hand snaps to the hilt of his katana, and, when he nods, he can hear Shimizu suck in a breath before drawing her own sword.

"Mizu no Kokyū—Ku no Kata: Suiryū Shibuki."

Shimizu moves, her delicate footwork making it easy for her to dodge between the spiders and scatter them as water flows in the wake of her blade. Zenitsu focuses on his own breathing, on the results of his hard work, and he feels the electricity build around him, feels the thunder rushing through his veins and becoming part of his very being. Shimizu swings upwards, causing the spider demon to retreat as it spews out a dark scattershot of poison that Shimizu dodges, and Zenitsu can track the demon's momentum with both sight and sound, his target set.

"Kaminari no Kokyū—Ichi no Kata: Hekireki Issen—Rokuren."

Zenitsu blasts off, using the trees surrounding the clearing to build his momentum with each push off, his final footfall using one of the arching spider threads before he launches himself into the air, his sword slicing through the demon's neck and splattering blood. Shimizu cheers from the ground, and Zenitsu lands on the roof of the treehouse, his sword clicking back into his sheath before the roar of a thunderclap rips through the air.

He gets to feel like a badass for all of ten seconds before he stumbles, the bite in his hand stinging, and then he lands face first on old and musty-smelling wood.

Shimizu is at his side soon enough, though she sounds a little bit winded. "Remember to breathe, Zenitsu-kun," she says, helping him roll onto his back, and he listens, not even bothering to waste his time on nodding. He counts all the people that would scold him if he went down like this, to some poison—Jī-chan, Senpai, Aniki, Tanjirō, he lists off, a faint chuckle slipping out of his lips in the moment before he inhales with purpose. "Good. Just like that. You can impact a lot in your body with Total Concentration if you know how. Keep that up. Someone will be here to help us soon." Zenitsu's vision is getting blurry, but he can still see the smile ghosting over Shimizu's lips. "Your technique's incredible, Zenitsu-kun. I bet Rairi-kun would be proud."

And Zenitsu has just enough awareness left in him to think, God, I sure hope so, before it takes every little bit of concentration he has left to keep his breath under control without passing out.

True to Shimizu's prediction, it's not long before help arrives in the form of a woman in a butterfly-patterned haori—the Insect Hashira, Kochō Shinobu. She takes just one glance at Zenitsu and Shimizu before she's concocted an antidote, and then everything's a flurry of movement and voices and Kakushi that ends in both Zenitsu and Shimizu wrapped up in bandages and hauled off to Butterfly Manor.

It's in the aftermath that Zenitsu hears about the rest of the details—about the four other demons on Natagumo-yama, about Tanjirō's fight with the Lower Moon Five (the Lower Moon Five!), about how Nezuko's presence was revealed to the Demon Slayer Corps' leader plus the Hashira and somehow the Kamado siblings are still alive to tell the tale.

What did I get myself involved in? Zenitsu can't help but think, first about the mission, then about the disgusting medicine that he has to swallow to recover from the poison, then about the exhausting rehabilitation that Aoi and the other girls of Butterfly Manor put him, Tanjirō, Inosuke, and Shimizu through. Zenitsu half considers giving up on it all and living the rest of his life with his now shortened limbs, but then Shimizu mentions that she invited Rairi to visit if they get the chance, and Zenitsu knows that he can't slack off, no matter how difficult it is to not give up and do just that.

And then one morning he's awarded with Rairi's familiar presence, and he feels the frustration and exhaustion wash away from him like he's been cleansed under rainwater. Rairi is just as wonderful as ever, and his heart skips a beat or two as he sees them and takes in their familiar sound. It's shifted a little bit, their strength having improved, but the core melody is still there, and he feels almost guilty for mistaking Shimizu for them at Natagumo-yama.

Except it's when the two of them are in the same place that Zenitsu can understand why, because they do sound similar: disconnected from the world at large, but still in synch with each other, their individual sounds creating an almost perfect harmony. But it's the other little change in Rairi's sound that catches Zenitsu's attention the most, because he knows well enough what that feeling is.

Oh, Senpai likes—

It's not surprising. Shimizu is very pretty, and the few weeks that they've been sharing the same hospital room is more than enough for Zenitsu to understand that she's also kind and charming. Of course Rairi would like her—but he doesn't have any time to deal with that information, because soon Shimizu's talking up his Hekireki Issen, and Rairi's as enthusiastic as ever to hear about his progress, and the moment he says Rokuren, they've caught him in a tight embrace that's full of softness and warmth, and Zenitsu can't tell if he's blushing more because of the sudden close contact or the earnest praise they're heaping on him.

The good news is that rehabilitation training is intense enough that he doesn't have time to think about this love triangle that he's stumbled into. The bad news is that rehabilitation training is intense enough that he doesn't have time to think about anything. Whenever Rairi and Shimizu give him and the others advice on how to improve (Total Concentration: Constant; who the hell even came up with that?), it just gets harder, though having Rairi around to cheer him on does make things easier.

And then Tanjirō starts to practice it while he's sleeping, and Zenitsu's convinced that he's never going to get another moment of rest ever again.

What did I get myself involved in? he asks again, and then shows up for training the next day anyways.

"Shimizu-chan, can I ask you a favor?"

The news that Rairi is heading out on another mission has already started to stir up the worry in Zenitsu's heart for a number of reasons, and trying to talk to Shimizu in a quick one-on-one while Rairi is away gathering rations from the kitchen is just adding to the feeling. But he's already gotten the words out, and Shimizu gives him that usual peaceful smile. "Sure thing, Zenitsu-kun. Whatcha need?"

For a moment, there's a fresh wave of anxiety that hits him: Am I overstepping my boundaries? It's Rairi's business who they tell about their problems, and Zenitsu shouldn't—but the echoing of that terror and panic and sadness that woke him up in the middle of the night weeks ago is still ringing in his ears. He's listened for it for nights on end, paranoid that it will crop up again the second that he drops his vigil, and now Rairi's leaving, far enough away that not even Zenitsu will be able to hear when they need him.

But Shimizu is going, Shimizu is understanding, and Shimizu is radiant enough that she'll no doubt be able to help.

So Zenitsu steels his resolve once more, keeping his voice low so Tanjirō and Inosuke can't hear, and says, "Please look out for Senpai." Shimizu blinks those deep teal eyes once, but listens instead of asking. "They…They've had nightmares for as long as I've known them. Not all the time, but often enough, and when they get bad…" Zenitsu hates the way it sounds, because Rairi's already strange melody always starts to feel like it's getting farther away, like they'll just disappear without warning. "What I want to say is, if Senpai has a bad dream, just be there for them, Shimizu-chan. Please?"

Shimizu nods, her determination resonating all the way down to her heart, and Zenitsu lets out a sigh of relief. "I'll be glad to help if they need it, don't you worry. I mean, we're friends, after all, so we look out for each other." Zenitsu's beyond glad; Rairi will be in good hands, for at least as long as they and Shimizu will be on missions together. Shimizu's smile grows a little wider, and there's a sparkle of mischief in her expression. "You like Rairi-kun a lot, don't you, Zenitsu-kun?"

Zenitsu's face burns in embarrassment, which makes Shimizu giggle. "Um, I—That's—Of course I do; they're my senpai—!"

It's such an obvious lie that there's no wonder that Shimizu doesn't believe him. "Now, now, no need to be embarrassed. Rairi-kun's wonderful, so of course you like them." Shimizu leans closer, cupping a hand by her mouth as she whispers, "Don't worry, Zenitsu-kun. I support you!" and, oh, she means that, too.

Should I tell her that it doesn't matter, because Senpai likes her? No, no, that's not mine to tell at all. What am I supposed to do with this information? Inside, he feels happy, because if Shimizu supports him then he won't have to compete with her for Rairi's attention—but he also feels guilty, because he wants nothing but Rairi's happiness, and knowing that Shimizu doesn't share their feelings is going to hurt them in the end, even if it works out in Zenitsu's favor.

Shimizu seems to take Zenitsu's silence as confirmation of her guesses—which are correct, but are also not the reason that he can't seem to make his tongue work again—and lets out another laugh, standing up straight again with her hands tucked behind her back. A passing breeze catches her hair in a picture-perfect moment, and it's no wonder that Rairi likes her, what with how beautiful Shimizu is.

"Well, thanks for the heads up, Zenitsu-kun. I promise I'll watch out for Rairi-kun for you." Zenitsu nods, and Shimizu's eyes flick away at the same time that he picks up Rairi's sound—and then there his senpai is, in all their wonderful glory that, to Zenitsu, shines far brighter than Shimizu's presence. "Looks like it's time for us to get going. Good luck finishing up your training, Zenitsu-kun!"

"Th-thanks," he manages to get out before Shimizu's dashed off, hopping over to Rairi's side. Rairi's heart thrums with happiness, and the combination of those two standing side by side with their discordant sounds from the rest of the world creating a harmonized melody is enough for Zenitsu's entire chest to ache. Maybe, he thinks, they both sound the same because they're meant to be together. Rairi waves upon noticing him, and Zenitsu raises his own hand, calling across the space between them, "Travel safe, Senpai."

Rairi smiles. "Will do, Kōhai. Train hard." Zenitsu nods, and then Rairi's flashed a salute and turned towards the entrance, their body poised in the posture of Thunder. "Alright, we're headed off!"

Tanjirō and Inosuke call out their own (very different) farewells, and Zenitsu clenches his hands into fists at his sides as he tries to sort out his feelings.

In the end, he decides that he wants to hear Rairi compliment his swordplay again the next time the two of them meet, and he throws himself into training with a sense of vigor that he hasn't felt in a long time.

The next time the two of them meet happens to be on the train that Tanjirō leads them all to in search of the Flame Hashira, Rengoku Kyōjurō. This time, Zenitsu manages to recognize both Rairi and Shimizu's distinct sounds from a distance without any confusion, and he's proud of the accomplishment. Except, during the conversation, he can't help but notice the echo of panic creeping up on Rairi, and there's a matching sensation of apprehension from Shimizu as well. When Zenitsu tries to bring it up, Rairi deflects the subject, which he lets go because they must have a reason, and then the conversation changes pace so many times that he doesn't even realize the moment that the train is gone and that it's unusual that he's back at Sensei's house, everyone gathered for breakfast as he pauses with the rice scoop and a bowl in his hands.

"Zenitsu," Rairi says, their voice gentle and looking at him with concern broadcasting from their sound, "can I have my rice now?"

"Oh, sure!" Zenitsu says, snapping to attention and finishing distributing out the rice. Rairi smiles at him when he passes their bowl over, and even Kaigaku says thanks whenever Zenitsu hands him his portion. "Sorry, I must have been spacing out."

"Because you were up late practicing again," Kaigaku says, taking a sip from his soup bowl. The cobalt blue of his triangle-patterned haori almost matches the cord that ties his magatama pendant around his neck. "I know you're trying to improve, Zenitsu, but you can't skip out on rest, or your body's never going to make it."

Zenitsu swallows his mouthful of vegetable stir fry. "But if I don't keep practicing, there's no way I'm ever going to catch up to you and Senpai, Aniki!"

"You're doing more than enough, Zenitsu," Jī-chan says, and Zenitsu puffs out his chest in pride. "Kaigaku's right. You need to take better care of yourself. It's true that you'll all have a tough lifestyle if you join the Demon Slayer Corps, but there's no need to tear yourself apart now. Build up your strength while you can. You hear me, you lot?" The question receives two Yes, Senseis and one Yes, Jī-chan, their collective voices ringing together in unison. Jī-chan nods, looking pleased. "If you understand that, then give it your all during training today."

Those words alone are enough to stoke determination in all of them, and the three of them are quick as they clear and clean the dishes before heading to the courtyard for practice. The warmup drills are smooth, and there's an energizing sort of synchronization between the three of them that carries over into when they practice the forms. Feeling awkward, Zenitsu takes the starting position for Inadama, but Kaigaku catches up to him, a hand on Zenitsu's elbow as he adjusts his stance.

"Try it from here," Kaigaku says. "With where you are, you're gonna flub the opening strike, and that's gonna throw off the whole chain. Watch." Zenitsu nods, and Kaigaku falls into position with intensity, though he executes the motions slow and without Total Concentration to send sparks along the edge of his blade. "The connections between the strikes are critical with Inadama, so you gotta land them all if you want the impact." He pulls his sword back to the start, repeats the following movements, but faster, and Zenitsu can more clearly see how it all flows together. "Got it?"

"I think so?"

"Then try it."

Zenitsu nods again, dragging his blade through the air so slow it's almost painful—but it's the first time something starts to click when he does it. Kaigaku gives him a satisfied look, and Zenitsu does it again, a little faster. The next attempt, he takes a step back, breathes, and the sparking lightning comes with such ease that Zenitsu can only stare wide-eyed at his own work as the sound of thunder follows. "I did it?" he says, almost questioning, until it hits him: "I did it, I did it! Aniki, did you see that?!"

The corner of Kaigaku's lip twitches upwards. "Yeah, I saw that."

"Senpai! Jī-chan!" Zenitsu calls, though Rairi and Jī-chan are already looking up from their own drills to him. "I did the Second Form! I'm not just stuck with the Hekireki Issen anymore!"

"That's amazing, Zenitsu!" Rairi says, the grin almost splitting their face. They sheathe their own sword and look at him. "I only caught the tail end of that time. Let me see all of it!" Zenitsu complies, able to pronounce Ni no Kata: Inadama with pride, and Rairi's eyes and sound are both sparkling with excitement. They rush across the courtyard at Zenitsu, catching him in a sudden hug, their lips pressing against his forehead in a kiss that sends his face flushing red. "You've done great. That was absolutely beautiful!"

(I think your Hekireki Issen is absolutely beautiful.)

"Th-thanks!" Zenitsu's voice comes out more like a squeak, but Rairi only laughs as they ruffle his hair and squeeze their arm around his waist, clearly not having any intentions of letting him go soon, as their heart flutters and resonates with an undeniable love. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without Aniki helping me out, though."

Rairi gives Kaigaku an appraising look, mischief sparkling in their eyes. "Look at you, being a good aniki over there."

Kaigaku rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut it," he says without venom, and Rairi's giggle fills Zenitsu's ear right where it's pressed against their chest. "Zenitsu's more than capable; he just needs someone to fix his bad habits. I just showed him by example, that's all." He looks to Rairi, then to Zenitsu, and then away in embarrassment. "Help me work on the Hekireki Issen sometime, will you?"

Zenitsu grins so wide it almost hurts. "You got it, Aniki!"

"And you keep working on the other forms, okay?" Rairi says, and Zenitsu nods. They drop another kiss onto the top of his head. "Well, we should celebrate that you managed to figure out the Inadama. How about you and I go on a date our next day off?" Zenitsu swallows and nods again before Rairi ducks their lips into his hair and mutters low enough that only he can hear, "And maybe when you figure out all six we can do something else special?"

Zenitsu almost chokes on the air, his already flaming face somehow burning hotter as he gapes up at Rairi, who's smile is serene as if they haven't just—his brain short circuits just thinking about it. Kaigaku scrunches up his nose. "Do you gotta flirt with him like that out in the open?"

Rairi grins. "I don't recall saying anything that you could hear."

"Well, it's obvious what you're doing whenever he reacts like that."

"Don't you worry, Kaigaku; I may be the favorite senpai, but you're still his favorite aniki."

"That's not even close to what I care about!"

"Make sure not to spoil the boy too much, Child," Jī-chan says as he crosses the courtyard towards his apprentices, and Rairi pulls back from the hug, their hands behind their back and their expression the very picture of innocence.

"I don't know whatever you mean, Sensei—ack!"

Rairi rubs their arm, which has just received a quick rap from the cane, but they don't protest any further. Jī-chan walks past them, standing in front of Zenitsu and looking him over. "You've done well to move past being able to do a single thing, Zenitsu. I'm proud of you."

(If you can only do a single thing, hone it to perfection.)

Zenitsu's eyes water over, but he blinks the tears back. "It's because of you, too, Jī-chan! If it weren't for you—for all of you—I wouldn't be able to do anything like this. So don't worry; I'll be sure to make all of you proud of me!"

"Big words for someone that's just getting started," Kaigaku says, punching Zenitsu's arm, but the sound inside his heart is pride, just like the others.

Rairi ruffles his hair again, love and affection sparkling in their eyes. "Well, if it's you, Zenitsu, you can definitely do it."

"Listen to your senpai," Jī-chan says. "I'm entrusting the three of you to carry on for me as my successors when the time comes. You all need each other to grow to your full potential. Make sure you don't forget that." The three of them nod, and Jī-chan's face stretches out into a smile that's different from his usual wily grin but no less warm. "You're all my pride and joy."

The rest of the day is smooth sailing from there, and soon it's evening. Zenitsu's sitting on the porch surrounding the courtyard after his bath, plucking at the koto in his lap, his fingers every now and then creating a melody from some song or another he's memorized before returning to pure nonsense. He's so caught up in enjoying the idle creation time that he almost doesn't hear Kaigaku's presence as he approaches.

"I thought that was you," Kaigaku says, dropping down to sit next to him. "What made you want to come out here, Zenitsu?"

(Why are you here, Zenitsu?)

Zenitsu shrugs, winding out of a scale and into the bridge of some piece he once overheard from a kabuki performance. "The weather's still nice, so I figured I should take advantage of it. I felt like playing, anyways." The song forming under his hands changes, shifting into something that sounds oddly familiar, but he doesn't remember where in the world he heard it. "What about you, Aniki?"

"Just seeing what you're up to. Nothing much else." Kaigaku leans back on his palms, and he glances to where Zenitsu's hands are gliding across the koto strings. "You're pretty good at that thing. What's that song called?"

"Oh, thanks! This one's…" Zenitsu's brow furrows; he's always been able to pick up songs after hearing them once, and the titles tend to stick along with them, or at least the memory of where he heard them in the first place. "Um, it's…" He pulls back to the beginning of the melody, able to recreate it note for note, but the title still doesn't come to him, even as he repeats the measures. "That's weird. I can't remember."

"Well, it sounds nice, either way. There are worse reasons for coming out here."

(Why are you here, Zenitsu? Why do you insist on clinging here?)

Zenitsu's hands slow, the already moderately paced music dipping into a crawl of a tempo until the notes fade out, leaving nothing but hollow echoes behind. "Clinging here?" he mutters, the phrase sticking in his head. "Am I…clinging here?" Kaigaku glances at him, raises an eyebrow, but Zenitsu's too busy staring down an empty point in space to reassure his Aniki that he's okay. "What's there to even cling to? There's no reason for me not to be here—"

Somewhere, in distance, something stirs, and the reverberation of an unfamiliar person reaches him, even here where he's tucked away safe, and Zenitsu presses a hand to his ear as he draws in a shaky breath.

"What…what's that sound?"

Kaigaku looks worried now, sitting up straight. "Oi, Zenitsu—"

"Be quiet!" Zenitsu snaps, punching the porch beside him. The koto strings quiver, and he slaps his palm down to mute them next, forcing his panicking breaths to slow as he listens, trying to find the problem. There's nothing wrong at first listen: home sounds like home; Kaigaku, Rairi, and Jī-chan all sound like themselves; even the echo of an unfamiliar presence has melted away. Except that's not the problem, because it was never anyone else that sounded wrong, but himself, and Zenitsu grasps at his chest, his hands knotting in his haori.

"Why am I here?" he whispers, not knowing the answer but knowing that the answer is important. "Why am I here? I shouldn't be here right now!"

"Zenitsu, what's wrong?"

Zenitsu jumps to his feet and out of Kaigaku's reach, and the koto spills off his lap, vanishing before it can hit the ground. "We're not here anymore! None of us are here anymore! We all already left!" He sucks in a breath, one that helps him fall back into Total Concentration: Constant, and his clothes shift underneath his hands, the haori spreading open to reveal the Corps uniform underneath, the impure practice blade at his hip replaced with its pure Nichirin counterpart whose design matches that of Jī-chan's, of Rairi's and Kaigaku's. "This isn't how things are!"

"Zenitsu?" Rairi asks, and when he turns around they're looking at him with worry painted all over their expression. At Rairi's side is Jī-chan, looking concerned as the two of them stand behind Kaigaku, who's still seated on the edge of the porch. "What are you talking about? Are you okay?"

(Why are you here, Zenitsu? Why do you insist on clinging here?)

Why I'm clinging here—to this? Isn't that obvious?!

"I'm sorry!" Zenitsu shouts, his fists clenched at his sides. "I wanted it to be the three of us together. I wanted us all to get along. I wanted to be good enough to fight by your sides as an equal!" He's crying, the tears pouring down his face and snot slipping out of his nose, but he can't stop. "But that's not what happened at all. I screwed it all up by being so weak! I'm still only able to do the Hekireki Issen! Aniki doesn't answer me when I write! And Senpai likes someone else! And it sucks, but none of that is an excuse for me to run away and pretend like there's not a problem!" He looks over them all, this reflection of a happy family that he wants so much that it hurts. "If I'm going to have this, I want to fight for it and earn it—not just have it handed to me! I can't be happy with things like this!"

Somewhere, in the distance, a piece of his consciousness finds the unfamiliar presence of the intruder.

Somewhere, in the world of the waking, a girl ignites her blood into ruby red flames and burns the train tickets of her friends to ash.

Back on the train, Zenitsu wakes up.

Somewhere in the middle of all the extra practice through the nights, Zenitsu picked up the ability to sleep fight. It's a helpful defense whenever he's prone, sure, but it's still disorienting to wake up with his sword already in hand and chaos happening around him. Along with the regular clattering sounds of the train itself, there is now the undeniable presence of a demon from everywhere, and the resulting sight of strange fleshy blobs sprouting from the train seats and hooking onto passengers only adds to the general discomfort of the whole situation.

"Zenitsu-kun!" Shimizu calls, her blade cutting a passenger free from the encroaching globs of flesh. Zenitsu follows her lead, clearing out as much as he can with a fresh Rokuren Hekireki Issen. When he listens, he can hear that it's not just this train car affected, but it's difficult to tell just how far the infection spreads out. "Rengoku-san's covering the back five cars, and Tanjirō-kun and Inosuke-kun went to hunt down the demon that's causing all of this, so we need to cover the front three, okay?"

"Right!" That should be more than doable, let alone with Nezuko and Rairi on their side. He can hear Nezuko in the next car over, and Rairi's— Zenitsu swallows, that all too familiar reverberation hitting his ears, and he almost fumbles his sword as Rairi's panic attack collides with his own nerves. That dream must've been a Blood Demon Art, and everyone else is asleep, so then that means— "Senpai!"

Zenitsu sheathes his sword, racing over to where Rairi's still coming to in their seat, the echo of fear and terror of a nightmare still following them into consciousness. They sit up, hunch over, and vomit onto the floor. "Oh, Rairi-kun," Shimizu says, stepping forward but still staying alert enough on their surroundings.

"Senpai," Zenitsu says, reaching out a hand and trying to hide his own fear from his voice. While Rairi never sounds good after a nightmare, they've never sounded this bad before, either, and Zenitsu wonders just what in the world they saw in their dreams to make this noise. "It's okay; you're awake now. You're—" Well, safe isn't the right word whatsoever, not when the train's a literal demon, but Zenitsu's not sure what else to say, so he puts his hand on their shoulder in hopes that it's enough to ground them.

"Don't touch me!"

Rairi's hand snaps out, slapping Zenitsu away, and he's almost breathless in the aftermath because the terror in their heart isn't abating, and did—did he cause that? Rairi looks around, their expression twisted further in panic as there's no recognition whatsoever in their eyes, confusion muddying their sound further.

"Whatever you say," Shimizu says, her voice gentle. She's at about the same distance as Zenitsu, being careful not to move closer, but Zenitsu can hear her worry, also loud and clear. "But you need to know you're okay now. Remember to breathe, Rairi-kun."

"Who the hell are you talking about?!" Rairi holds onto their head, hands grasping at their hair. "That's not my name!"

Zenitsu tries to swallow the lump in his throat, the tears hot and prickling in his eyes. "Senpai, you—"

You don't know who you are?

It strikes him then, how little he knows about Rairi. To Zenitsu, he's always thought of them as being present at home, someone who's always trained under Jī-chan. But that's not true, and he knows it, because Rairi is the name Jī-chan picked out for them, the one they're somewhat embarrassed about but still proud to carry. Who was Rairi, before they entered Jī-chan's home, before they became a student of Thunder Breathing?

There's no time for answers, because Rairi sucks in a haggard breath and shouts at the ceiling, "I've had enough of your shit!" They stand, their sword clattering out from under the back of their haori, and their eyes land on the weapon. "This again? How much are you going to get off on me cutting people up until you're satisfied? Fine!" Rairi snatches up the blade, their otherwise dexterous hands fumbling on pulling it from the scabbard as they take a beyond amateurish stance, their grip not even in the right position. "Just give them back to me already!"

It's Shimizu that moves, yanking herself and Zenitsu out of the way of Rairi's blade, the swing so haphazard that it has just as much a chance of hurting themself as it does anyone else. Zenitsu can't even process what happened—Senpai…swung their sword at me?—and what's he supposed to do with that information?

"Zenitsu-kun," Shimizu says, shaking him by the haori. "We can't—"

"I know!" The words come out louder than he intends, and Zenitsu forces himself to suck in another breath as he steps out of the way of Rairi's next charge. At this rate, they're going to be a danger to everyone—themself, Zenitsu, Shimizu, the passengers. "I know." He swallows, finding that strange spot of calm in the middle of the rest of his panic, even as the twisting sounds of the demon's growing flesh intensify. "Shimizu-chan! You go help Nezuko-chan with the other cars!"

"But—!"

"We can't both stay here!" Rairi is important, yes, but they're also all Demon Slayers, and it's their job to fight demons and protect people. "Nezuko-chan can't handle the other cars on her own. I know this is a lot, but trust me, Shimizu-chan, no matter what—

"I'll protect Senpai!"

There's a beat—and then Shimizu's pulse surges with determination before she dashes off, heading in the opposite direction as Nezuko, her smooth Water Breathing slicing away the regrowing demon flesh on the way. And then it's just Zenitsu and Rairi and the still sleeping passengers, and Zenitsu forces himself to ready his own blade as Rairi turns to him, their body shaking but their sword still stabbing a clear trajectory to his chest when they charge.

It's just like sparring, he tells himself. You don't have to incapacitate, just disarming them is enough, and Senpai's not fighting at their full strength, so—!

The idea of beating Rairi in a proper fight is near impossible to imagine, but this also isn't anywhere close enough to a proper fight. Zenitsu manages to block Rairi's blade, and a flick of his own katana is all it takes to pull the weapon away from their shaky grip. He manages to kick it down the aisle in a metallic yellow blur, out of reach. Rairi turns to chase after it, still crying, but Zenitsu drops his own Nichirin sword and catches them in a tight hug before they get far. Once they realize they're captured, Rairi struggles, but Zenitsu knows he can't let go.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I know you said not to, but if I just leave you alone, you're going to hurt yourself." Rairi's sobs stab his heart with just as much pain as if they had managed to slot their katana between his ribs, and Zenitsu presses his forehead into Rairi's shoulder. "I don't know what you went through or who you were before I met you. But I know who you are right now, and—and you're so important to me." They're both crying, but Zenitsu can't even feel ashamed for it. "Please come back to me, Senpai. Please."

Zenitsu recalls the melody he played in the dream, the song on the porch that he couldn't identify, and the tune comes to life again on his lips. This time, he remembers where he heard it before: a soft song that Rairi sung to themself while working on laundry, the afternoon before Sensei took them to fight their first demon. Zenitsu couldn't understand the words, but the notes stuck with him, and he hums it now, hoping that it will be enough to pull Rairi back.

"A-and all you see," Rairi sings, quiet and broken, but still following along with Zenitsu's tune once he reaches the chorus, "is where else you could be when you're at home. Out on the street…are so many possibilities to—to not be alone." He can't understand the words, though upon hearing them again he recognizes them as maybe English, but none of that matters in comparison to the way Rairi's panicked sound starts to settle, even as they're still crying. Their hands move to Zenitsu's arms, not to pull him away, but to hold on, and they hang their head. "Zenitsu… Am I…am I awake?"

"Yeah," he says, hugging them tighter, connecting them to reality. "We're all awake now. It's okay, Senpai." And when they respond to that title and fall back towards him for a moment, Zenitsu can't contain his sigh of relief.

"I… I tried to…" Guilt rushes through their veins, and Rairi presses their hands into their face. "God, I tried to hurt you, I—"

"No, no, it's okay—"

"No, it's not! That's never okay! I—"

"Senpai!" Rairi stills, sucking in a breath. "It's okay," Zenitsu says, turning them around to face him, his hands still pressed on their shoulders. "I know you would never hurt me on purpose. And even if you did, right now, we have more important things to deal with." Again, Rairi is important—but Rairi is also not the biggest priority, no matter how much Zenitsu wants to make them that. "We have to protect the people here. Are you okay enough to keep going? Be honest with me."

Rairi continues to breathe, their body finding the rhythm of Total Concentration: Constant, and Zenitsu listens close for the slightest indication of a lie when they answer, "I can make it. At least until this is over." Zenitsu stares them down, replaying their sounds in his mind, but all he finds is the truth, as pure and earnest as always. Rairi steels their expression, their resolve coming after it. "I wouldn't be showing a good example as your Senpai if I just tapped out in the middle of a mission, yeah?" They squeeze his hand once, then slip out of his grasp, tracking down their sword. When the hilt fits in their palm, their sound is focused and whole again, with the faintest echoes of the everything else that was waiting to consume them not so long ago.

It's not perfect by any means, and it's not even great, but Zenitsu understands that it's good enough, and the two of them work on extracting the passengers from every bit of demon flesh that they can find, all the way up to the moment where the demon's sound stops, the train compartment back to normal.

Zenitsu has just enough time to hear the awakening passengers and Rairi's small sigh of relief before there's a deafening shrieking bombarding his ears, the precursor to the train itself shaking and tipping right off the rails with enough force to send him flying through the air. Rairi screams, "Zenitsu!" and their body falls on top of his as a shield right before his head hits something hard, the world turning first to bright spots and then to blackness.

[Author's Notes]

And thus, the second part of the Zenitsu interlude! We'll be back to Rairi POV proper next week.

Thanks go out to Blood-Stained Minazuki, gg (Guest), ILikeFoxes828, Zet4, isolatre, Hiding In Plain, Kris Guerra, saul067, AmateBlake771, ShadowQueen46, starrat, bananaapple993, mirumy, and ori-toaster101 for the favorites, follows, and reviews! The general consensus was that the first part of the interlude was good, and I hope that this one is as well!

Things I question: If Gotōge already had Kaigaku stuff somewhat planned (like we see hints of in the Natagumo Mountain flashback), why is Zenitsu's dream world just him getting cute fluff with Nezuko? I know it was probably pacing, and I like to think that there was more to his dream than that that we didn't see, but Tanjirō's dream was way more fleshed out. Thus, I'll make my own hecking food, as per usual (lol).

The only way the posting of this could have been better was if I put it out on Zenitsu's birthday next week, but I'm sure no one wants a delay in releases, so I've just chosen to keep on schedule. That said, if you're one of the folks that's following me in general, there won't be a Saturday update next week as I'm going out of town and I figured I'd give myself a breather after completing Aviantei and the [Twelve Shots of Summer] challenge. The next walk steady chapter will be out on its usual schedule there, so no worries!

In response to a few questions: I hope this chapter cleared it up, but Zenitsu still can sleep walk/fight/etc. It's just that since he's more confident in this timeline, he passes out far less, so there's not much opportunity for that ability to show through. Also: yes, there will be a Kaigaku interlude later (and a Shimizu one as well!). I'm realizing that I haven't said as much publicly, but I am a big Kaigaku fan (while acknowledging all this faults) to the point that my friends use that as one of my identifying personality traits (lol). One of the many self indulgences of this fic is giving him more screen time, and thus more time to develop as a character.

More potential seiyū options for Rairi: Ogata Megumi, Mitsuishi Kotono. I haven't picked yet, but these are some options that I like a lot.

It's time for a Taishō Era Secret! Shimizu has Urokodaki's last name because he registered her under it after she survived Final Selection, not because they're related by blood. This is also why she didn't introduce herself with it when meeting Rairi, but she did when meeting Kaigaku and Zenitsu. She was also giggling at being called "Urokodaki-san" by Zenitsu, since she associates that referral with Sakonji.

While Part Sixteen shows the first round of Rairi's nightmares, their dreams under Enmu's influence continue past this point, essentially looping between happy ideals and morphing into the same sort of violent scenes as before. When Rairi woke up, they didn't realize they had done so and were convinced they were still in a dream, and that defeating whoever they saw would let them go back to the good dreams, where they could see Jaden again, hence, why they attacked Shimizu and Zenitsu.

Next Time: This situation is a literal train wreck, Upper Moon Three, and an aftermath. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[08.28.2021]