walk steady on this cruel world's path

By: Aviantei

Part Nineteen:

"Fleeting Storm and Aftermath"

So being in a literal goddamn train wreck right after getting run through a nightmare gauntlet of all my trauma was doing great things for me—and, yes, I knew deflecting was an unhealthy way to process my feelings, but if I didn't focus on the sarcasm, I was going to burst apart into thousands of little pieces from the sheer overwhelming pressure of everything chasing to catch up with me, so I deserved some slack!

Memories of Jaden.

The blood and death of my dreams.

That I'd drawn my sword on Zenitsu of all people!

Yeah, dwelling on any of that wasn't going to help save anyone, and, in that moment, I needed to live up to my position: I was a Demon Slayer, someone with the rank of Tsuchinoe. Even if the demon was gone, there were still plenty of people who could have been hurt in the crash. I didn't have anything near the medical skills of a Kakushi, but I could at least help move people out of the wreckage.

Gasping for air, I blinked the spots out of my eyes. I'd bitten my cheek in the impact, and the taste of blood filled my mouth. I'd managed to grab onto Zenitsu in the moments before the crash, and he now laid beneath me, unconscious and with a dark puddle starting to form underneath his head.

"Shit, come on, no." If I lost another person like this, I'd—not thinking about it, not thinking about it! Pushing down my panic, I continued to focus on my breath and lifted Zenitsu's neck to check his injury. It was only surface level, and the worst of the bleeding had already slowed down, though I wouldn't have been surprised if he had a concussion. But he was still breathing, and that was what mattered most. "Don't scare me like that, Kōhai," I whispered.

Zenitsu didn't answer, but maybe he could still hear me.

Focus. Breathe. Priorities. It looks like people are evacuating on their own, so I should—

"Rairi-kun! Are you okay now?!"

Shimizu sprinted towards me, pulling along Nezuko with her. Shimizu had some blood running down the side of her face, while Nezuko seemed drowsy, but relief washed through me at the sight of them being alright. "We're okay!" I called back, managing to get back to my feet. "Zenitsu's knocked out, but he should be able to recover." Meanwhile, my own legs felt shaky, but nothing I couldn't push through with some Total Concentration for backup. "What about you, Shimizu-chan? You're bleeding."

"Am I?" She paused, wiping at her face as if she'd just realized there was blood there. Nezuko's head bobbed a few times, and she sunk down to the ground, looking like she needed to recover her strength. "Oh, I guess so." Shimizu wiped her fingers on her pants and shook her head. "That doesn't matter right now! We need to get going."

"Going? To do what?"

Shimizu's expression twisted up into something that was hard to read in the dark. "That's—"

"Gimigu! Kairi!" With such mispronunciations of our names, that could only be Inosuke. Sure enough, I could make out his shape in the distance, and it looked like he was pulling out several people from the train at once. "I sensed a demon! Back where Gonpachiro and Goggle Eyes are!"

Inosuke may have been a strange person in many ways (Goggle Eyes wasn't the nickname I would have given Rengoku by any means, for example), but his instincts were undeniable. I gave one last glance to where Zenitsu was resting before dashing after Shimizu, who'd already started moving. Inosuke was in the lead, but it wasn't like he needed him for long to tell where we were going. There were the telltale sounds of blows colliding, and hot orange flames lit up the night. Soon, we were at the site of the battle, but it wasn't like there was much we could do about it.

Rengoku was a blazing beacon in the dark, and flames followed every swing of his blade as he fought against a humanoid looking demon with dark lines painted across its exposed skin whose very punches warped the air itself. Tanjirō was present, though he was stuck on the ground, a bloody wound on his stomach—still, he was alive and just as transfixed by the battle as we were. I swallowed, Shimizu gasped, and even Inosuke was silenced by the collision of power before us.

"What," I said, struggling to make the syllables form, "in the world…?"

"I-I saw his eyes," Tanjirō said, his own voice quavering. "Th-the one on the train was Lower Moon One, but he's—"

"Upper Moon Three," Shimizu whispered, and it was a wonder that I didn't collapse right then and there.

A member of the Twelve Kizuki, the Upper Moon Three. That was such a ridiculous jump in power that I didn't even know what to think. Lower Moon One made some sense at this point, but Upper Moon Three? The third strongest demon aside from Kibutsuji Muzan himself? Was this what happened back in Canon? Even with a Hashira there, that was pushing it, and even more so since Tanjirō was injured. In a situation like this, what was most likely to happen? If there was a victory, I couldn't see it being without sacrifices. No, no, I needed to stop that—this wasn't a story anymore; it was real, and that meant—

Every single one of us could die here.

Not just us Slayers, but everyone on the train. Upper Moon Three could turn this entire place into a bloodbath in an instant. It was only because of Rengoku that we were still alive right now—and even he, a Hashira, was fighting a losing battle. Sure, he distributed out damage, but the demon's regeneration was beyond ridiculous, and it looked no worse for wear, even as Rengoku struggled and bled.

The demon was saying something, but there was too much terror rushing through me to process the exact words—the difference between humans and demons? Wasn't that obvious? But though he was human, though he was fragile, Rengoku raised his sword and kept that broad smile on his face.

"I will fulfil my duty! I won't let anyone here die!"

And then he breathed, and even the air in the middle of the night felt like it had erupted in an unrelenting heatwave. The demon prepared its own technique, the two moves poised to clash with no possible opening for any of us to step in and interfere, the difference in skill level was so great.

Except Shimizu moved anyways.

She dashed right towards the conflict, her blue sword drawn and the rippling waves of water starting form after it. Except she wasn't anywhere near fast enough, even with Total Concentration: Constant enhancing her movements, and, whatever she was trying to accomplish, there wouldn't be any possible way for her to make it in time to the point that I wondered why she was even bothering.

But.

If she was willing to try, even when she was at a disadvantage, and the problem was that she wasn't fast enough—

Ichi no Kata: Hekireki Issen.

I moved without even thinking about it, my deep breath shooting oxygen rich blood through my body and heart on a level that I'd never achieved before, the familiar technique blasting me forward, past Shimizu and into the fray. My blade found purchase in the hardest surface I'd ever even attempted to slice, but I pushed my strength into my arms and managed to complete the swing, cutting a deep gouge through the demon's arm and sending blood flying through the air.

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck—

As I landed, yellow irises with kanji carved into their surface snapped to me, just one portion of an expression filled with scorn. "Stay out of this, weakling. Even if you are a Corps member, I don't go around killing women."

"Is that so?" I said with my usual lack of regard for the fucking position I was in, shaking my head enough to flip my braid back over my shoulder. "If I were a woman, I might be offended!"

"Well, in that case—"

If I'd thought that the hand demon Shimizu and I fought during Final Selection had a nasty killing intent, boy, was I in for surprise. As expected of the Upper Moon Three, a wave of pure despair blasted through me—or maybe that was just the pure force of the compressed air that slammed into me seconds later. Pain was everywhere, hot and deep in my chest, and I didn't even register anything between me standing face to face with an Upper Moon and my entire body crashing hard into something with a resounding echo of metal. I might have gagged, spit up blood, but I'm not sure.

It's a little hard to tell what's going on when you pass the fuck out.

I sucked in a breath, the air tasting sterile and a bit like medicine. Fraction by fraction, I opened my eyes, finding myself in a white hospital room. It was overall peaceful, though I could still hear the bustle of activity beyond the door. Whenever I tried to sit up, I got nowhere whatsoever. I didn't feel any immediate pain—hooray for the Demon Slayer Corps' incredible painkillers once more—but I felt numb all the way through. There wasn't a cast on my arm, though, so that was a plus, but I had plenty of bandages in other places, and my eyes were about the only thing I could move.

Isn't this…at Butterfly Manor?

Yeah, that was it: the room had the same design as the medical wing that I'd visited Zenitsu and Shimizu and Tanjirō and Inosuke in so many times—

Taking another breath with Total Concentration, I forced myself to sit up, even as my body didn't want to cooperate. It didn't matter if I got hurt; I couldn't have been the only one to live through that; please, fuck, don't let me be the only one to survive again—

"Rairi-san, I would appreciate it if you didn't go aggravating your injuries like that."

The voice was gentle, but it had the tiniest of edge to it. Before me was a petite figure in a Corps uniform, along with a white, pink, and pale green butterfly wing-patterned haori hanging over their shoulders. They had a delicate face, a touch of makeup, and violet eyes, the whole pretty package framed between locks of dark colored hair that tinted purple at the ends. A hairpiece, also in the style of a butterfly, kept the rest of said hair tightly wound back, and even I, with my fuzzy brain, could identify who this person was without even needing to be told:

The lady of the house and the Insect Hashira, Kochō Shinobu.

"K-Kochō-san," I managed to mumble, in awe—but then my brain remembered what I had been attempting to do in the first place. "The mission, e-everyone else—"

"While some may find it admirable to have such concern for others while gravely injured themselves, Rairi-san, I find such ideals foolish," Kochō said, stunning me into silence. "You suffered several broken ribs, a heavy blow to the head leading to a crack in your skull, and compressed vertebrae in your spine that you're lucky haven't immobilized you. If you weren't a practitioner of Total Concentration: Constant, there's a strong chance you might not be alive. Still, you pushed yourself to such an extreme that you strained your heart, and you've been unconscious for the past two days. Do you understand how fortunate you are that we've made enough medical breakthroughs in the Corps for you to still be here, Rairi-san?"

I thought of tires screeching, screaming voices, a deafening crash, impact, the sounds and sensations both a lifetime and no time at all ago. "Yeah. I know."

"Good. Since you do, if you would please do yourself a favor and lie back down before I force you to, that would be for the best of everyone." I did as instructed. The bed was cushy and comfortable, but even it couldn't erase the apprehension coursing through me. Kochō's smile widened, the expression now starting to seem friendly in comparison to the faint icy sheen it had had before. "Much better, Rairi-san. Please refrain from any more reckless actions while you're recovering." I nodded, though I just wanted to shout at her to give me answers—but even I balked at the idea of provoking the person responsible for my recovery. Kochō sighed. "As much I would like to further scold you for your recklessness, I do still have to give you my thanks. It seems that, when you stepped into the battle, you redirected an injury on Rengoku-san that could have been fatal if it had followed through. It would have been a great loss for the Demon Slayer Corps if he passed away. As things are, his and everyone else's efforts were able to result in the defeat of the Twelve Kizuki's Upper Moon Three."

I gaped, not expecting that news in the slightest. The defeat of an Upper Moon was a huge victory, since I was pretty sure that Tanjirō had also mentioned the Lower Moon One, as well. In one night, we'd managed to eliminate two major pieces of Kibutsuji Muzan's fighting force, and that was following the defeat of Lower Moon Five on Natagumo-yama not even two full months ago. Even so, the fact that Kochō had chosen to share that piece of information first had me worrying about the timing. "And everyone else—?"

"Not a single passenger on the Mugen Train died, including your fellow Slayers," Kochō said, and I almost fainted from the pure relief that statement brought me. While I managed to stay awake, fresh tears spilled out of my eyes. Thank fuck, everyone made it. "That's not to say that there weren't injuries involved, but everyone should recover well enough, save for Rengoku-san's left eye. Still, considering the circumstances, that alone is an exceptional result." Yeah, that was a mild way to put it. If Zenitsu hadn't reassured me that I'd woken up again, I might have worried that this was another trap of the demon's dream prison. "Now, the matter of your recovery plan…"

Considering that what all I could do consisted of a) stay in bed and b) obey whatever Kochō and her collective medical helpers told me to do, there wasn't much point of reiterating all the details. There would be rehab to get me combat ready again, but that was some time off. I gave the expected yes, ma'ams, not having any intention of making my injuries worse. If things had gotten intense enough to bring the Upper Moon Three into the picture, I had no doubt that whatever Plot-related events that came next were going to be worse. And if that were the case, I needed to recover and keep training so I could—well, maybe at least scrape by again if I ever decided to be stupid enough to charge at another Upper Moon demon.

"And one more thing, Rairi-san," Kochō said as she concluded her lecture. From her pocket, she pulled out a paper medicine packet and sat it on my bedside table. "Your friends mentioned to me that you have troubles with nightmares, so I took the liberty of concocting a medication for you. I've just made a small dose for now, but I'm confident it should help. Do tell me if you still have issues, and I'll adjust the composition."

The familiar rush of shame caught up with me, but I told myself to get a grip. Kochō may have been a Hashira, but she was also a doctor. She wasn't judging me; she was trying to help. "Thank you very much," I said, meaning it. "I'll be sure to let you know how well it works."

"Good." Kochō dusted off her hands, still wearing that perfect smile. "Well, since that's settled, I'll allow your visitors to see you, then. Do avoid any roughhousing, do you understand, Rairi-san?"

"Yes, ma'am."

As expected, having everyone in the room at once turned into a chaotic mess in no time. Shimizu and Zenitsu both cried, and Inosuke was beyond boisterous for the time he had the attention span to stick around. Even Aoi, Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho stopped by to offer some well wishes. It seemed that Rengoku had managed to pull back from most of his injuries already, and he and a not nearly as recovered Tanjirō had gone off to his family's estate in search of the records of past Flame Hashira to better understand the Hinokami Kagura. No wonder Kochō had been so insistent on me staying put; two of her patients who had no business running off had done just that.

"Rengoku-san said that he'd come back to thank you, though, Rairi-kun," Shimizu said, sounding a bit more subdued than usual. I tilted my head, but even that tiny movement had me experiencing a case of Regret. Hey, body, maybe you should have stayed unconscious for just a bit longer? Might have saved us some trouble. "He said that you helped him catch Akaza off guard long enough for him to get a blow in. Though I was super worried when you ran in like that!"

"Right!" Zenitsu said, sitting on the opposite side of the bed to Shimizu. "When I heard you rushed at an Upper Moon, Senpai, I almost fainted. You could've gotten hurt even worse!"

"Shimizu-chan's the one that started to run in first, though," I said with a pout, and she looked guilty. If I could have shaken my head without my spine hating me, I would have. "Don't worry about it, Shimizu-chan. You were brave enough to try and do something. I just figured that I couldn't leave you to face that all on your own again." Just like Final Selection, her courage in the face of danger had pushed me forward. "I know what I did was reckless, but let's just all be grateful that things worked out, yeah?"

"Okay," Shimizu said, though her expression was still a bit strained. "You were the incredible one, though, Rairi-kun. Thank you for backing me up. But still…" She stared down at her lap. "I'm the one that asked if we could help Rengoku-san. If I hadn't done that, then you wouldn't have…"

"There's no point in worrying over what-ifs. Besides, I'm the one that lost it enough to try and attack you both. If you want to apologize, then please just consider us even, okay?" Shimizu nodded, and at least I could smile at her. "We're all going to recover—" Well, we all would recover, assuming that Kochō didn't decide to just poison Tanjirō and Rengoku for running out while still injured "—and we defeated an Upper Moon, so let's focus on that, okay?"

Shimizu nodded and wiped away her tears. Glancing at the clock in the room, she gasped when she saw the time. "Oh, I said I would help Aoi-kun out with dinner since I'm well enough to move around! I'll be sure to make you something extra tasty, okay, Rairi-kun? As thanks for everything." She stood, smoothing out the creases in the front of her borrowed pajamas.

Zenitsu also went to stand up. "Do you need more help? There's kind of a lot of us here, and I'm not hurt too bad…"

Shimizu shook her head. "No need to worry about it, Zenitsu-kun. The girls help out, too, and there's hardly enough room for all of us in the kitchen as is. You keep Rairi-kun company, okay?" And then Shimizu winked, causing Zenitsu and I to both flush matching shades of red. "I'll be sure to call for you when the food's ready. See ya then!"

Her hair fluttering behind her, Shimizu slipped out the door, leaving just me and my kōhai. While I'd felt fine in the moment, seeing so many people in quick succession had drained my resources. "Do you want me to go ahead, too, Senpai?" Zenitsu asked. "You sound kind of tired."

"It's okay. I'd like it if you stayed. I'm sure I'm going to have plenty of sleeping ahead of me. I'd at least like a little company before I pass out for two more days." Zenitsu spluttered out a laugh, but there was an anxious twinge to it. Bad Rairi. No making self-depreciating jokes in front of your kōhai that you already scared the shit out of. "Sorry. I'm sure you noticed by now, but I have an awful sense of humor."

"It's fine. I'm just glad you can even joke right now." Zenitsu stared down at his lap, and I wished my everything wasn't kind of busted at the moment so I could give him a head pat or a hug for comfort. "Senpai," he said, his voice at a whisper, "I understand if you don't want to talk about it. But it was bad when you woke up. You didn't even recognize us, and I—" He swallowed, fat tears dropping out of his eyes. "My dream was about the three of us getting along. Me, you, and Aniki. I was even able to do the other Thunder Breathing forms. And it sounds like the others dreamt about their ideal worlds, too." Just hearing that description was enough for my heart to ache, and it reminded me all over again of the dream I'd had. "Sorry, I'm not trying to guilt trip you or anything. I just figured that…if I wanted you to trust me with yours, I should share mine, too."

"Oh, Zenitsu…" Though it wasn't easy, I managed to get my arm out from under the blankets and reached towards him. Zenitsu realized what I was doing and caught my hand in his before lowering our now connected fingers to the blankets. I closed my eyes, the blackness on the back of my eyelids comforting. "We were all happy together in my dream, too, but…" I tried to be careful with my words for once. Say the wrong thing, and I'd have a lot more to explain than I wanted to right now—or ever, really. "I had an older sibling. But when I was little, there was an accident, and they died protecting me." Zenitsu gasped, and his hand tightened on mine. "So in my dream, they were alive, too, like it never happened.

"I don't know if it was the Blood Demon Art or if it was just because I have bad nightmares. But the dream broke and—" The images started to flash in my memory, and I opened my eyes again, focusing on Zenitsu sitting at my bedside, alive and well. "It made me kill them. And you and Kaigaku and Shimizu-chan and everyone. And when it got bored with that, it started it all over again." By that point, Zenitsu and I were gripping on each other's fingers tight enough to hurt, but neither of us loosened our grip. "Thank you, Zenitsu. For not giving up and helping me when I needed it."

"You don't have to thank me for that! I just wanted…you to be okay. So I remembered the song and…" He peered at me, a flicker of bright curiosity mingling in his expression. "I don't understand the words. What's it about?"

Out of all the possible questions he could have asked, it was that one. Not why I knew a song in another language, but what it was about. A smile eased back onto my face, and my eyes traced over patterns in the ceiling as I tried to remember all the lyrics and the story they painted. "It's called 'Your Heart Is an Empty Room." And it does not in any way exist in this time yet, but too late on that one. "I didn't get it when I was younger, but it's about the moments when we break off old relationships and are left with a clean slate. But we also always end up wanting a new relationship, except when we have that, sometimes we want to retreat back into ourselves and be left alone again. So it's kind of about wanting things we don't have and, because of that, how some people will never be satisfied." Jaden had played their way through that album so many times that it wasn't any wonder I still remembered the words, though it had been years since I'd heard the track. "But, like, to me, the chorus is about that feeling of needing to remember that you don't have to face everything by yourself, because there are so many people who are out there and can stand with you. Heh, I guess it's a little fitting when you look at it that way, huh?"

"Yeah…" Zenitsu's expression was a little less strained now, and I hoped I had helped ease his worries at least a little bit. "Sometime, you should teach me how the rest goes, Senpai. Maybe I'll ask if there's a koto here. It'll be a good way to help you pass some time while you're still stuck in bed!"

Would it cause trouble if I taught Zenitsu a song from about a century in the future? I'd kind of been trying not to cause any time paradoxes or anything, but if the world hadn't blown up yet, it wasn't like it would matter. "Sure. I like that idea. J—" I swallowed Jaden's name, scrambling for the first Japanese alternative I could come up with. "Judai liked that song, too. I'm sure they'd be happy if I sang it a bit more often. Though, uh… Can we keep it to ourselves? It's special." And that was half the truth, and half a cover up for the fact that I super didn't want to explain where it came from and why I could speak flawless English.

Zenitsu, being the absolute amazing kōhai that he was, nodded. "Yeah, of course, Senpai! Thank you for sharing it with me, anyways," he said, staring to smile. "I'll teach you some other songs I know, then! I mean, I know theater stuff for the most part, but I'm sure I know a few with words. Or we could just make something up together. Okay! I'll be sure to ask Aoi-chan if there's a koto over dinner!"

There on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone, I thought as I let Zenitsu's enthusiasm wash over me. I guess that's true enough.

[Author's Notes]

Thus, we return to Rairi POV with the conclusion of Mugen Train! Next up: the "Rairi Gets Caught in Corps Bureaucracy" Arc. Just in time for upcoming season two hype!

Thanks to Phanta (Guest), gg (Guest), starrat, ILikeFoxes828, Neema Amiry, lordfarquad (Guest), jaocapelas, Luna Artmemis Blake, ZuuKiipper, snealy, Decan329, and Alwyneskski for the favorites, follows, and reviews! We're getting close to 300 follows and 100 reviews, and my mind just kind of continues to be blown.

I must say, I didn't expect so many comments to be panicking over shipping options, lol. I've been using Raimizu for the ship name (bc I like having the "thunder" and "water" parts of their names emphasized), but you guys seem to think RaiShi? Either is fine with me. Still, I don't aim for romance to be the core plot of this story, but you all seem invested and panicking over what'll happen. Who knows? I know. Beta Noiz knows. Neither of us are telling.

Speaking of our lovely beta - they've made another walk steady one shot, this time in a modern AU, featuring my favorite type of content: normal angsty emo teen Kaigaku. Be sure to check out Punk Trash Noiz's "you always disappear" and give it some love.

Meanwhile, my trip last weekend went well. Among other things, I got a Zenitsu sword, a new Zen phone charm, a Mitsuri pin, and I commissioned an artist to draw me Kaigaku and Rairi pics. The former looks amazing, and I'm eagerly awaiting the next one whenever it's completed.

Also, reviewer gg coming in with more questions, this time asking for instrument headcanons. I put Thunder Boys on piano and violin both, Shimizu with something like clarinet or oboe, and Rairi 100% had a scene phase in middle school, so they'd be more interested in electronic music and mixing. Jaden would probably play acoustic guitar. The rest of the canon characters are a little hard to pin down, but Inosuke on drums gets my vote.

It's time for a Taishō Era Secret! Zenitsu learned how to play koto and shamisen for the most part by ear. Before he ended up under Kuwajima's care, he spent a lot of time listening in at the nearby theaters and learning new songs by listening. Occasionally, he would play background music for kabuki performances, but a lot of time he would make money by playing on street corners. Some of these headcanons are informed by garamander's super cool story, "Prodigal Song," which is a Zenitsu-centric fic that has him returning to his hometown for a mission.

Next Time: "When was it decided that we were friends?", This can only be Trouble, and a trip to Headquarters. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[09.11.2021]