walk steady on this cruel world's path
By: Aviantei
Part Thirty:
Interlude: "Happiness Is Something That Everyone Wishes to Have II"
Canon Zenitsu was right; the medicine that Shinobu makes to help recover from the demon's poison is beyond disgusting. Every single dose is bitter enough to make Shimizu wanna retch—but it's what needs to be done to get better, and she's not about to miss the opportunity to be useful when she's in an excellent position to help with Mugen Train, provided she can stick with the main cast. There're still a few months until then, and if the past near year as a Demon Slayer has taught Shimizu anything, it's that there's no guarantees whatsoever about what will happen.
"Zenitsu-kun, time to take our medicine."
In the infirmary bed next to Shimizu's, Zenitsu pulls a face, but he drops the dose of powder into a glass of water and downs it anyways as Shimizu does the same. "Yuck," he says, tearing up at the taste—but that's it. No wailing, no theatrics, no need to invoke Kanzaki Aoi's wrath for being an uncooperative patient. Everything about him is so…not what Shimizu has been expecting of Agatsuma Zenitsu at all. If it weren't for her experiences with Tanjirō and the fact that Inosuke is sulking over his defeat, Shimizu would guess that she's in some strange alternate universe.
"It sure is gross, huh?" Shimizu asks. Zenitsu nods, grimacing, and Shimizu feels for him, she does. She's just also still having whiplash about how calm he is in comparison—so she aims for a convenient change in conversation. Besides, what else are they going to do while recovering: twiddle their thumbs in awkward silence for weeks on end? "By the way, Zenitsu-kun. You got any good stories about Rairi-kun during their training days? I wanna hear what they're like when they're in senpai mode."
Though he was scowling not even a few moments before, Zenitsu's expression lights up like a neon glowstick. "Oh, Senpai? They're great!" He giggles, excited, and, when he moves his arms around, the sleeves of his for-the-moment too-long infirmary pajamas wave through the air. "Senpai was always willing to help me out, even whenever I was still running away and panicking all the time. They always encouraged me, and, even now, whenever I feel stuck, I think about them along with Jī-chan, and I feel like I'll be able to make it through, no matter what! Plus they never looked down on me, even though I can only do one of the Thunder Breathing forms. Oh! But they were never afraid to let me know when I was doing something wrong, and they helped me change a lot for the better…" Zenitsu smiles down at his lap, his cheeks burning a brilliant shade of red. "I owe Senpai a lot, so I wanna make them proud of me."
Oh, I see, I see, Shimizu thinks, smiling as well. This gushing is a little bit closer to what she expected upon seeing Zenitsu (because, let's be real, her new body is pretty), though it's still nowhere near as bombastic as his Canon portrayal. Is this because he's a real person, rather than a character with his traits played up to eleven? It's beyond obvious that Zenitsu admires Rairi—and maybe even a bit more than that. The next few days' worth of conversations confirm as much: Zenitsu has an enormous crush on Rairi, and he gives them praise for everything from helping out with his training to even the simplest things like sending him regular letters. It's adorable, seeing him be so into someone without it being as much of a disaster as Canon, and Shimizu's glad he has such a positive influence besides Kuwajima—because Kaigaku wasn't doing him any favors. This is just more proof that it's possible to change things, though, so these are all good signs, yes they are.
So the next natural step is to invite Rairi to Butterfly Manor to see if they can help out with the boys' rehabilitation training.
It's more of a whim than anything else, and Shimizu doesn't expect anything to come of it—but Rairi makes an appearance soon enough, seeming concerned but overall relieved that everyone's alright. If Shimizu thought that Zenitsu was lit up before just talking about them, he's fluorescent in their presence, and Shimizu can't help but giggle. They'd make a cute couple, Shimizu thinks, since Rairi seems to bring out a lot of good in Zenitsu. Shimizu will vouch for him if she has to.
Of course, there are far more pressing concerns. Shimizu's body has already reverted back to its normal size and shape in this time, so she's slotted into the rehabilitation schedule with the others. With Total Concentration: Constant under her belt, the activities aren't as much of a challenge as they are for the boys, but they're still a good form of getting back in shape. Rairi also handles the games with no issue at all, and they're both an effective tutor for the boys and an excellent practice partner for Shimizu to train against.
Time passes much like this until Shimizu's cleared for combat, and then she gets sent out on a mission. Rairi is paired up with her, and Shimizu gets to see Zenitsu getting flustered one more time as he asks Shimizu to help with Rairi's nightmares. It's a new piece of information, sure, but Shimizu's glad to help—and even gladder to tease Zenitsu for how much he cares about his senpai.
"Don't worry, Zenitsu-kun. I support you!" she whispers, and Zenitsu's face burns an even brighter red than it already was. Oh, he's so into them, and Shimizu is here for it. She'll have to drop a few words in Zenitsu's favor while she and Rairi are out on their mission together, maybe gauge what Rairi's feelings are like.
Playing matchmaker for a little bit might be fun—oh, assuming there's enough time between work and stuff! I gotta keep an eye out for Mugen Train!
"Hey, Rairi-kun, it sounds like Zenitsu-kun and the others are doing well."
It's been a few weeks since Rairi and Shimizu set out on their first mission together, but they're still working as a team. Natagumo-yama seems to be a catalyst for more Slayers getting sent out in pairs, which is nice, all things considered. Traveling alone isn't awful, but it wasn't doing Shimizu's already precarious mental health any favors, either.
The more time she spends with Rairi, the more relaxing of a presence they become. In general, Rairi is nice to be around, but the added familiarity just makes them even more so. It's also nice to have someone that's close, too, that Shimizu shares a social circle with, because then there's so much more to talk about besides training and work.
…Like dropping Zenitsu's name into a conversation and seeing how Rairi happens to react to it.
"Oh, yeah? Lemme see." Rairi reaches out for the letter that Shimizu's finished with, and she passes it over, noting the faint smile on Rairi's face. It's nothing as obvious as Zenitsu's feelings, but it's still something—maybe a seed? Then again, Shimizu could just be trying too hard to read something that's not even there, so she's not going to push it. "I'm glad. It sounds like they're moving along with rehabilitation okay."
Rairi has every right to smile, because it should be a cause for celebration—but all Shimizu can think of is what will happen after Tanjirō and the others recover, when they go out on a mission again. Is it wrong to wish for the possibility where they won't be able to go back out into the field, where they won't have to face any of the tragedy that's to come? If there's anything that being in the thick of things has taught Shimizu, it's just how unfair it is that Tanjirō, Nezuko, Inosuke, Zenitsu, and everyone else can't just be normal kids; instead, they're responsible for bringing an end to a millennia-long war.
"Shimizu-chan?" Rairi asks, looking worried, and Shimizu blinks back to the present, rather than her ever-spiraling thoughts of the future. Rairi reaches out, curls their fingers around Shimizu's, the touch the most grounding thing she's felt since—who even knows? Years, it seems like. "You doing okay?"
With a practiced ease, Shimizu recognizes the strained expression on her face and reforms it into something that doesn't go so far as to be fake, but is much more neutral. "Sorry, I got stuck in my head again. Didn't mean to ignore you."
"No, that's fine. I get it." And that right there is part of what makes Rairi so relaxing: they understand whenever Shimizu's not present, never give her crap for it. If they were this empathetic when it came to Zenitsu's anxiety and propensity for panic attacks, it's no wonder he likes them. Rairi squeezes Shimizu's fingers one more time. "Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it's better to let it out instead of keeping everything in your head."
Shimizu considers for a moment just spilling her guts right then and there. Rairi's right: it would be incredible to word vomit out everything, get it off her chest—but the idea of having Rairi not believe her, of losing a major piece of her support system is way too much to bear, so Shimizu swallows it down. "It's okay, Rairi-kun. I write stuff like this down to get it out. Besides, I wouldn't want to burden you with everything that goes through my head." It's hard enough for Shimizu to handle the things she thinks about, and she wouldn't wish that mess on anyone else.
She expects for Rairi to take the easy out, considering mental health stigma (and the current era is even worse than what Shimizu left behind, gosh) and all that jazz. Instead, Shimizu sees Rairi frown, though their expression isn't angry. "Don't say things like that, Shimizu-chan," they say, their tone scolding yet gentle. "If you're doing something to take care of yourself, that's great, and I won't push you to talk about anything you're uncomfortable with sharing. But please don't act like you or your feelings are a burden, Shimizu-chan, because they're not. I… You're someone important to me, so I'd never consider anything you want me to support you with a problem, okay?"
"Oh," Shimizu whispers. "Okay." It's a miracle that she doesn't start crying again, all things considered—but there's a warm feeling rushing through her chest regardless. Though she shouldn't be saying so, it's been some time since she recognized that someone else is concerned for her, that she's cared about. It's…incredible to feel wanted again. It's because Rairi's so considerate that Shimizu can't say it, can't make them also carry the weight of knowing who's likely to die—can't tell them about their own kōhai's turmoil, can't make them bear the guilt if there's a chance that nothing that can be done about Zenitsu and Kaigaku. Shimizu squeezes Rairi's hand one more time, enjoying the point of warmth between them. "Sometimes I need to be reminded about that. So thanks, Rairi-kun. I appreciate you."
"Anytime, Shimizu-chan. If you ever do want to talk about anything, just let me know, alright?" Rairi smiles, the expression adding more to the comfortable feeling Shimizu has settling in around her heart. "Even if you gotta write to me, I'll always be here for you. That's a promise."
Thank you so much, Rairi-kun. Knowing I have you in my corner helps out a lot. I'll be sure to give it my all so you don't have to worry about me anymore.
In less than a year, everything will be done with, and everyone can live in the peace they deserve.
Shimizu's original plan was to not bother Rairi with any of the isekai nonsense—but soon it becomes beyond clear that Mugen Train's not getting any farther away as the time goes on, and Shimizu's apprehension just skyrockets as the days go by. Every mission is a potential mandated distraction to not be anywhere close to where Shimizu will be needed (and she's hoping that she is needed, that her presence will somehow mean something), and then the letter arrives, noting that Tanjirō and the others are almost cleared for combat, which means the time has come.
Between the necessary breaks to swallow down her impending panic, Shimizu tries to figure out a plan. She knows well enough what happens in this arc—it's just a matter of being there for this arc. At least the Mugen Train has a name, which means it's conceivable to find it and get on it. The trick is ending up there without running rogue on an actual Corps mission, because disobeying orders and getting in trouble when all she was trying to do was save Rengoku would just be nice and ironic now wouldn't it?
Except the Universe decides to throw Shimizu a bone, because she and Rairi manage to cross paths with none other than Rengoku Kyōjurō himself, and that's an automatic in to the mission. Shimizu's fear kicks in again—Twelve Kizuki are so much more dangerous than something like the Hand Demon—but she needs to at least try, considering the blessing of foreknowledge she has.
The problem is that it's one thing to throw herself into horrendous danger, but it's another matter to drag Rairi into it—Rairi, whom Zenitsu cares so much about, Rairi, whom Kaigaku seems to at least respect as a senpai, Rairi, who shouldn't have to risk their life just because Shimizu happens to be around and is about to do something stupid. And while Rairi chose to help Shimizu out during Final Selection, that was with an understanding of what they'd be facing. It would be for the best if they decide not to come, but—
I don't want to do this alone.
It's a selfish, selfish reason, but Shimizu can't change her mind. Having to be the sole variable in the scenario is beyond overwhelming; having Rairi along means there's an extra little chance that something will go different, though the two of them are nothing but a couple of Tsuchinoe—and, wow, Shimizu's risking someone else's life just because she doesn't want to be alone; how is that even anything close to fair?
She's about to mention that it's alright, maybe try to prod Rairi into staying behind, but they've already agreed to it, and then Rengoku's directing their group to the train station, and it's too late to go back without running for the hills and causing a scene.
Mugen Train's about to happen, whether Shimizu likes it or not.
Shimizu has way too much going on in the moments leading up to Enmu's Blood Demon Art that it's a miracle that she manages to think, It's going to be a dream, it's going to be a dream, it's going to be a dream enough times to still be aware of it whenever things hit. It's distressing just how real everything still feels, though, and Shimizu would not have been able to tell the difference if she hadn't already known what she was getting into.
"Alright, dear, if that's what makes you happy."
"I suppose we have a daughter now; who would have thought!"
"Oh, dear, did you want to change your name? Dear, is something wrong?"
She ignores the impossible conversation going on around her (because she might have wished, but her family never—), clinging hard onto the image of her Corps uniform and haori. After what feels like an eternity (and like a miracle), the familiar weight of Shimizu's sword ends up in her hand, and she brandishes the blade before her, the deep blue metal a reminder of where she is, of who she's become: Urokodaki Shimizu, friend of Rairi, Kamado Tanjirō, Kamado Nezuko, Agatsuma Zenitsu, and Hashibira Inosuke, student of Urokodaki Sakonji.
"Joke's on you," she says, having no clue if Enmu can hear her or not, ignoring the panicked protests of your dream parents at the sight of her wielding a weapon, "but I kinda ended up here because I killed myself. This isn't even a real challenge."
Nichirin blade meets skin far too easy (same places, same old wounds, still no evidence left over on her skin), and Shimizu launches back to consciousness, gasping for air and head throbbing. She thought she acted fast, all things considered, but Tanjirō's already gone from his seat, the group of people responsible for attacking the Demon Slayers already unconscious, and Nezuko is out and about, looking at the sleeping others with worry, her brow furrowed into a fierce look of concentration. Whenever Shimizu pulls herself to a sit, Nezuko snaps to attention, rushing over to Shimizu's side, those pink eyes wide and expectant.
"I'm okay, I'm okay," Shimizu says, but Nezuko still stares. "I mean it, I promise. I'm just a bit shaken, but I'm okay." It takes Shimizu patting Nezuko's head to appease her one-hundred percent, while Shimizu tries hard not to think about the conclusion this night is racing towards. At least Nezuko being adorable serves as a temporary distraction, though Shimizu can't afford to sit in that for too long. "Come on, you can help the others out—if you burn their tickets with your Blood Demon Art, that should take care of it without hurting anyone."
Nezuko nods, turning to see the others, and soon there are ruby red flames everywhere—burning bright, but harmless to anything non-demonic. From there, it turns into a bluster of activity: Inosuke launches himself through the roof, and Rengoku goes to take care of the back end of the train after Enmu's weird train fusion, entrusting Shimizu and the others with the front cars. Even with the complications from Rairi's panic when they wake up things seem to work out well enough, and Shimizu presumes that Inosuke and Tanjirō beat Enmu, because the whole train starts writhing, and Shimizu just manages to get out of the upset train safe thanks to Nezuko's help, but that's nowhere near all that she needs to worry about.
I don't know what I can do, but I at least need to get there, or Rengoku-sama will—!
She tries to make a beeline for where she thinks she needs to be, but she comes across Rairi and Zenitsu first, and she can't just ignore them. Zenitsu's knocked out, but Rairi says he'll be fine—and seeing Rairi up and aware of their surroundings again after the way they awoke from Enmu's nightmare is beyond a relief. But, again, there's still the impending threat of Akaza and all that entails, and Shimizu's about to spill everything to Rairi if it'll get them to move, but Inosuke sweeps in and gives the perfect excuse. Shimizu follows after him, trying to steel herself for the fact that she's about to get into a fight with freaking Akaza—but none of that mental fortitude means a damn thing once she's there.
From a logical standpoint, Shimizu knows that the Upper Moons are bad news. Every fight with one in Canon required a load of sacrifice to emerge victorious, and those battles for the most part involved Hashira, the strongest warriors in the Demon Slayer Corps. The Upper Moons are ridiculous powerhouses; this is just a logical fact—but knowing and knowing are two different things.
Shimizu now has combat experience under her belt. Shimizu understands what it means to risk her life, what danger is. So Shimizu can tell just by standing on the sidelines that this is a fight she has no business even trying to butt into. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Akaza could kill her without even thinking about it. Nothing seems to have changed much from Canon; it's safest to just stay on the sidelines, where she'll be safe and alive, because Rengoku will—
Rengoku will die so everyone else can live.
The moment plays out before Shimizu in an almost ridiculous cinematic fashion, of Akaza and Rengoku taking their stances in preparation for the clash that's about to come, and Shimizu starts moving, her body feeling so, so sluggish as the flames start to burn around Rengoku's sword in preparation for Flame Breathing's Ninth Form, the attack that will charge him straight into a fatal wound, and Shimizu breathes, praying, praying, praying that the effort will be enough, that she'll somehow be able to reach, though she knows that she won't, the tears already starting to spill from her eyes.
You got the chance to save him, and you couldn't do a thing—
In the darkness of the night lit by Rengoku's flames, there's an extra light, a blazing flash of yellow, and Shimizu's seen the Hekireki Issen in action enough times by now to recognize its form. Except it's not Zenitsu pulling off his signature move, but Rairi instead, and their sword just manages to wound Akaza, and Shimizu's heart is in her throat as all she can manage to do is stare and watch as Akaza's Technique Development knocks Rairi all the way back into the side of the train with a far too loud bang right before their limp body sinks down to the ground in a heap.
Oh god, oh god, oh god—
"Rairi-kun!"
It's one thing to see the Canon cast get hurt—oh, sure, it's awful, but at least there are some certainties of who can take what based on information from the manga—but it's another beast altogether to see Rairi, who is here because Shimizu dragged them along, hurt, maybe even dead from an injury like that, and Shimizu can't just stand there and not risk herself whenever Rairi's willing to charge into a battle they had to know they couldn't win.
Shimizu moves at the same time as Tanjirō and Inosuke, all of them desperate as they try to do something to help. In some ridiculous godsend, Rairi's interference seems to only upset Akaza's attack without stopping Rengoku from getting his sword partway through the Upper Moon Three's neck, and Shimizu begs that this isn't some ridiculous form of cosmic give and take, Rairi's life sacrificed for Rengoku's. If Shimizu could somehow take Rairi's place, she'd do it in a heartbeat.
No, don't think. Just fight to keep everyone alive; if we can save Rengoku-sama and hold Akaza off until sunrise, then it'll be okay—
Shimizu had a bit of a head start on the boys, so she gets there first, taking advantage of the Shizuku Hamon Tsuki's speed to try to make it in time. She flips into the air, aiming down the blow from above, distracting Akaza for a split second as Rengoku howls with determination to attempt to make his blade carve straight through the demon's neck.
Techniques of water and fire alike ripple through the air, and Shimizu would be proud of herself for landing a blow on an Upper Moon if her sword didn't decide to shatter all the way from the tip to the tsuba with enough force still left behind that she can feel it all the way up to her shoulder.
Oh, Haganezuka-san is going to be so upset with me.
The thought evaporates the moment Akaza looks at her, and Shimizu lands off balance enough that she has to roll once she hits the ground just to get out of harm's way. "What, you think you can take advantage of the fact that I don't fight women?" Akaza asks, rumbling anger coursing through his tone. "Even with that, you're way too weak to make a difference—"
"Don't listen to him, Urokodaki, my girl! Your assistance has helped plenty!"
Shimizu's heart catches in her throat as she sees what she thought was impossible: Rengoku pushing further, the bright metal of his blade starting to glimmer in the light of the approaching dawn, carving Akaza's head from his shoulders as Tanjirō and Inosuke sweep in with their own techniques to cage the Upper Moon Three into place as Rengoku at last, at last cuts through his neck.
"Holy crap," Shimizu says, though her tongue is burning with the taste of blood. "Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap."
There are several moments where everyone stares in disbelief, even Rengoku's ever-present smile replaced with a look of pure shock, despite him being the one to swing the sword. "We did it," Inosuke says, the quickest to get riled up before he shouts, "We won! You, Goggle Eyes, you're strong, so fight me next—!"
"Inosuke!" Tanjirō says, just as much like he's reigning in a younger brother as ever. "Rengoku-san got a lot of injuries; he needs to rest!"
Rengoku—Rengoku whole, Rengoku warm, Rengoku alive, not bleeding out and speaking his final words as the day breaks—chuckles. "No need to worry, Kamado, my boy; I'll be alright. For now we should focus on…" He starts to list off several tasks, like helping those on the train finish evacuating, but Shimizu's brain is spinning too much to process what's going on. In Canon, Akaza didn't die here. It wasn't until Infinity Castle that he went down in a fight against Tanjirō and Tomioka, and, even then, decapitating him wasn't enough, because he—
"Not yet!" Shimizu shouts, scrambling to get her back up to her feet, despite the fact that she doesn't have even a fragment of a sword left to fight with. "He hasn't started disintegrating yet; he's still alive!"
The celebratory atmosphere vanishes as it settles in that Shimizu's words are true. Akaza's decapitated body is otherwise unharmed, still standing upright, with the main point of the wound healed over and reforming at a crawling pace. Even without the extra months in between, Akaza already has the potential to transcend the limits of demonkind, and if that gets proven to be possible, who knows what kind of nightmare that will unleash if the other Upper Moons realize what's feasible and reach that level as well.
The others are moving, Rengoku with his sword at the ready once more, but Shimizu's just half registering the scene as her mind scrambles, trying to remember the outcomes of pieces of Canon she hasn't reviewed her notes in a while. Akaza could regenerate, but the reason he didn't was because some part of him remembered—
"Hakuji!" Shimizu screams, a human name that hasn't been applied to the demon before her in hundreds of years. It's a long shot that it'll work—and yet Akaza's body stills, the rippling skin on the stump of his neck seeming to slow its regrowing advance. Shimizu's stunned that it worked, and then she remembers to get herself together before she misses the opportunity that she's gotten. "Hakuji, you've done enough! You don't need to fight and get stronger anymore! Koyuki's waiting to see you again, so you can stop now! Please!"
Despite Akaza being responsible for Rengoku's death in Canon, despite the hundreds of thousands people he had to kill to become one of the highest ranked demons, Hakuji was still a misguided and broken man that Muzan took full advantage of. Even without considering the battles to come, Shimizu would want him to find peace even just a second earlier, would want him to be freed from Kibutsuji's influence.
"Oh…" a quiet voice says, and Shimizu's eyes fall on Akaza's head on the ground, where tears are trailing down and over the blue lines on his face. "I forgot, but Koyuki…" The yellow color of his gaze lands on Shimizu. "Thank you, Demon Slayer, for helping me remember…"
And then the dawn breaks over the shadow over the capsized Mugen Train, and Akaza turns to ash.
If Shimizu had anything close to energy left, she would cry. As it is, though, she just collapses back to the ground, gasping for air. Maybe this is it—maybe this is Enmu's real happy dream for her, and any second it's going to morph into an awful nightmare that will tear her to shreds.
"Shimizu-san!" Tanjirō shouts, sprinting her way despite the fact that he should still have a bleeding wound in his stomach. "Are you okay? That Kizuki didn't get you, did he?"
"No, no, I'm fine. He doesn't hurt women." Because even a part of him under all he became still remembered how much he wanted to protect Koyuki, more than anything else in the world. "I just got a little scuffed up on the train, that's all." Tanjirō's brow furrows in concern—and Shimizu realizes what she's just said out loud: personal information about an Upper Moon Kizuki that she has no rights about knowing.
"Urokodaki, my girl," Rengoku says, now standing nearby. Shimizu swallows, an unrelenting worry pushing away any possible relief over Rengoku being alive. "I'm grateful that you managed to stop him before he regenerated. However, I think it's understandable that I'm curious as to how you pulled it off."
Shimizu's mouth goes dry as she tries to think of an excuse for what just happened. Somehow, in all her imaginings of pulling off a change in the story, she never managed to consider that she might need to have a reason at the ready if she were to get caught. "I—I—" She swallows, chews her bottom lip. Is the best option to just tell the truth? "I'm sorry, but it's a lot to explain. I promise we can talk about it later, but right now we should check on everyone else. Rairi-kun and Zenitsu-kun were injured, and—"
"Nezuko!" Scared for his sister, Tanjirō's back on his feet in no time flat, and Shimizu tries to follow his example. Rengoku may be hurt, but his mastery of Total Concentration means that his injuries shouldn't be fatal. Rairi is another matter, though, and the one saving grace about their crumpled form on the train tracks is that there doesn't seem to be any visible blood—for what little that matters, considering that the sound of the impact is still ringing in Shimizu's ears. Shimizu stumbles on the way over, and Inosuke helps her from one side until they make it over to Rairi. Rengoku outpaced them both, and his large hands are already checking Rairi's pulse.
"They're still alive," Rengoku says, and Shimizu exhales in relief, almost collapsing all over again. "Rairi also seems to understand Total Concentration: Constant, so that helps. They'll still need further care, though. We'll have to wait for some Kakushi to help, but they should be here soon."
"Senpai!"
Zenitsu's voice cuts through the air with a near unmatched volume as he approaches with Nezuko's box on his back and Tanjirō right there with him. There's blood over the side of his face, and the confident expression he wore back in the train car is gone, replaced with pure panic as tears stream down his face. "What happened, how did they get like this—?" Rengoku repeats his assessment and steps aside, giving Zenitsu space, and Shimizu can't bring herself to move closer or say anything, not feeling like she deserves to do either as the guilt gnaws away in her chest.
I'm sorry, Rairi-kun, Zenitsu-kun. You both had to go through this because of me.
The guilt doesn't fade in the slightest, even as the Mugen Train gets taken care of and the passengers are all in good shape, considering they almost got devoured by a Kizuki. The Kakushi that arrive are excellent at getting everything in order, and it's not long at all before their group of Demon Slayers gets transported back to Butterfly Manor for medical care. The mortified look on Aoi's face whenever she catches sight of both Rengoku and Rairi doesn't help Shimizu's guilt at all.
Rengoku waves off immediate treatment in favor of the others getting looked over, citing that the triage care he received from the Kakushi is enough for now, and Rairi, still unconscious, disappears behind a door that no one's allowed to enter aside from Shinobu. Shimizu sits still aside from chewing her lip, staring down at her hands in her lap as Sumi cleans and wraps up the sticky, scabbed-over wound buried deep in her scalp.
"Are you doing alright, Shimizu-san?" Tanjirō asks, and Shimizu nods. In terms of injuries, at least, she's going to be okay. When it comes to her emotional state, though—well, like that's ever been a guarantee in the first place. Tanjirō frowns again, and he must be able to smell just how much of a mess Shimizu is, but he doesn't push it. "Well, if you want to rest some more, that's okay, but Rengoku-san was wondering…"
"It's okay." Having a conversation—even if it's a conversation that's going to suck—is much more preferable than sitting around in her own head while Rairi's wellbeing is up in the air. Shimizu hops to her feet, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles in her fresh infirmary pajamas for the sake of having something to do. "I'll be okay, Tanjirō-kun. Besides, I promised. You all deserve at least some kind of explanation."
Tanjirō nods and, despite the fact that he's way more hurt than she is, helps Shimizu along to the main infirmary room where Rengoku and Inosuke are waiting. Zenitsu's not around because he set up vigil outside of Rairi's room and refused to budge, and Shimizu's relieved, because if she had to tell him to his face that she brought Rairi into danger on purpose— Nezuko, as expected after using her Blood Demon Art to wake everyone else up and protect the passengers, is hibernating. If nothing else, Rengoku used his rank to ask for complete privacy for a bit, which is at least a little bit of relief on Shimizu's nerves. This whole thing is already going to sound ridiculous enough without the added pressure of it getting out to a larger audience.
The four of them look a mess, all of them with bandages of some sort visible. The atmosphere hangs heavy with concern over Rairi (if anyone can help them, it's going to be Kochō Shinobu and her ridiculous genius, isn't it? Isn't it?), that worry dampening the victory over two of the Twelve Kizuki that should be leaving them ecstatic.
"Urokodaki, my girl—"
"Don't worry about it," Shimizu says, cutting the apology off. She doesn't feel like she deserves it in the slightest, not when talking to somebody else about things sooner could mean that Rairi— She wrings her hands tight enough that her fingertips turn purple. "I know this is going to sound ridiculous. But I promise it's true. Tanjirō can smell when people are lying, so he'll be able to confirm it." With a thick black eyebrow raised, Rengoku glances to Tanjirō, who nods. "Okay, so I'm from the future. Or, well, a future. In a parallel world."
All that earns her is a trio of quizzical looks, and goodness does it suck being in a time where isekai and multiverse stories aren't commonplace, because there goes anything even close to a good reference point. Ugh, what can she even use that will make sense?
"Okay, so you know about the afterlife, right?" There are nods. "Okay, so like how Yomi is a different plane of existence, there are different universes out there—places that are a lot like this one but different. The world I was from didn't have demons—well, as far as I know—and the year I…" The year I killed myself, she doesn't want to say out loud. "The year I was from was 2020." Almost a full century in the future from the current year in Taishō, and that's not even the wildest sounding part.
"Oh!" Tanjirō lights up. "It's like Urashima Tarō, but in reverse!"
"Um, sure?" Shimizu knows the name of that myth, but not much else. Rengoku seems to have a spark of recognition, though, so she'll roll with it. "Well, none of that matters because the whole point is that where I was from, there was a story about you—" Tanjirō blinks, pointing to himself "—and that means I know what's going to happen until about the end of this year."
Shimizu lets that sink in, already feeling like she's talked herself into a corner—but, to heck with it, we're doing it live! "You know…the future?" Rengoku asks, a hand to his chin in thought.
"Correction: I know a future. A future where I'm not involved with any of this, and neither is Rairi-kun." This is turning into a continual loop of Shimizu says something that makes no sense and then everyone gives her blank stares, isn't it? So she decides to just plow through and not stop unless someone has a question. "Take the Mugen Train mission for example. In the story—um, future I knew, it was just Rengoku-sama and the four of you: Tanjirō-kun, Inosuke-kun, Nezuko-kun, Zenitsu-kun. And then Akaza… Rengoku-sama, you fought Upper Moon Three and lost.
"Whenever you charged for that attack, with your Rengoku…you got your sword in his neck, but he impaled your stomach all the way through, and…" Shimizu takes a shuddering breath, somehow still not crying at the thought. "You protected everyone, but you didn't survive, and Akaza got away."
Just the reminder of the manga storyline makes her heart ache all over again, and it's even worse now that she's met Rengoku Kyōjurō, this reminder of how easy it would have been for him to just be gone, that yesterday could have been his last day alive. Tanjirō's brow is furrowed, but he's the one to break the silence with, "Shimizu-san isn't lying."
"I see," Rengoku says, sounding serious. All things considered, he's taking the news better than Shimizu expected. "So then, when Rairi stepped into the battle…" Shimizu nods, because, somehow, Rairi managed to land just enough of a blow to keep Akaza from causing a fatal injury, and now they're… "There's no need to look so upset, Urokodaki, my girl. I'm still here, and Kochō-san is capable of getting Rairi back into shape. Things will work out."
"Yeah!" Tanjirō says, patting Shimizu's shoulder. "Shinobu-san's incredible, and Rairi-senpai's strong, too. I'm sure they'll recover in no time." God, Shimizu sure hopes so. "And like Rengoku-san said, no matter what you thought would happen, we managed to win this time! That means that things can work out for the better!"
His smile is so earnest that it washes away most of the worry Shimizu's been feeling, at least for the moment. "You… believe me?"
Tanjirō nods. "I can smell that you're telling the truth. Not to mention that there's no way you'd make something like this up, Shimizu-san."
"Besides, it would explain how you knew what to say to that demon to get him to stop," Rengoku says, seemingly accepting the situation as well. Then again, if any Hashira were to believe such a story with so little evidence, Rengoku fits the bill.
"Too much thinking!" Inosuke says with a huff. "Gimigu helped us win, so you're worrying over nothing!"
Shimizu's mouth opens, but she can't get any words out. She wants to, though, because releasing a bit more of the hundreds of secrets about the future that she's been holding in would feel incredible. And she bets, soon enough, things will start spilling out, but until then, Shimizu's just going to sit in a bed in the infirmary in sheer disbelief that it was this easy all along—or maybe it's just because she managed to stop Akaza from regenerating and dragging out the fight.
Either way, it's something, and Shimizu isn't alone in this anymore.
"I don't know how much of this will stay the same, since we just changed a few big things," Shimizu says after a stretch of silence, "but let me tell you what I know about the other Upper Moons and what's going to come. You and Nezuko-kun were at the center of all this, Tanjirō-kun. You at least deserve to know."
[Author's Notes]
Haha I remember when I was drafting the Shimizu interlude that I thought it would be a two-parter like the others. I was clearly wrong lol. Were not done covering all the necessary ground just yet.
Thousands of levels of thanks to ILikeFoxes828, Fsal y, hy3rin, Dragonlove3, Shizuku Minatsuki, LukaLukaa, Quaxi, fachloch07, Unspoklitleo272, KlanaDreams, momovibezz, Mash-Potatoes1, THEBLACKDAB, joshiro99, CarishTale, PurpleKarma, ShadowMeister234, Albatr05S, SnowLilith, N00neNoteworthy, franbun, Gans-Sempai, BloodyLoved, Knidew, henrikebert1997, and Excitable Spren for the favorites, follows, and reviews! We've crossed four-hundred follows already, and I just keep getting stunned over and over every time we hit a new milestone. I'm really glad that I decided to work on and post this story, because seeing all the notifs makes me happy so many people enjoy my story, especially one with an unapologetically enby lead. So, yeah, thanks much.
But yeah, things have been going on behind the scenes that Rairi has no clue about lol. People are in The Know(tm) about Canon. Also if you were wondering about what exactly happened during the Akaza fight after Rairi passed out, here you go! Of course, I'm just getting started on all my secrets, ohoho~.
It's time for a Taishō Era Secret! After Shimizu helped Rairi with their nightmare, the two of them started to form a closer friendship where casual touches are okay. Shimizu is extra okay with this, because safe human contact is also really helpful for processing stress, plus she trusts Rairi. The fic only shows a few of these incidents, but Rairi's nightmares and Shimizu's disassociation were regular occurrences during their team up phase, and they were both grateful for each other's company.
Next Time: Interlude featuring plans for the future, Red Light District, realizations of feelings, and a turning point. Please look forward to it!
-Avi
[01.15.2022]