walk steady on this cruel world's path

By: Aviantei

Part Thirty-Five:

"Torrential Rain"

I marched my way along the path onto Mitsuri's estate, following Tadashi and Tanaka's guidance more on autopilot than anything else. Whenever I had tried to tell Tanaka that he should go back to Headquarters and get reassigned to someone else who needed a Kasugai Crow, he'd refused, and I hadn't had the heart to argue with him. Hell, it was a miracle I had the heart to do anything, but sitting around just made everything feel worse, so I'd decided to keep moving in hopes that I'd feel like a real person again if I acted like one long enough.

I knew from experience that the loss of a loved one wasn't anywhere close to the end of the world, but god if it didn't feel like it every damn time.

And now I had the wonderful job of delivering the pile of awful news all over again.

You could've just written a letter, but noooo, had to be a fucking masochist, didn't you? Rip my own heart out a little bit more; maybe if I did that, I'd be numb enough that I'd not give a shit and be able to kill Kaigaku the next time we crossed paths.

Kaigaku, a demon; Shimizu, dead; Sensei, gone.

If only you'd never woken up here—

I stomped my way through the halls of Mitsuri's estate, so it wasn't any surprise at all that the door I'd been directed to opened up and the Love Pillar herself stepped through before I even reached it. "There you are, Rairi-san! You managed to make it just in time for tea! Come in and join us."

I did my best to return her smile, but I could feel the expression sticking. If Mitsuri noticed, she didn't say anything—though that might have been because I pressed forward before she could. "I'll have to pass today, Mitsuri-san. Would you mind if I borrowed Zenitsu for a few minutes?"

Like Mitsuri had written a while ago, the Hashira were planning on conducting special training sessions to further help bolster the skills of the Demon Slayer Corps. The third letter I'd received on the night of—of receiving both Shimizu's and Kaigaku's wills had been Mitsuri inviting me to come over to participate, along with whoever else I liked. I'd been able to curry her favoritism towards me into also having Zenitsu be present, which made at least one infinitesimal piece of this godawful conversation a little easier.

Mitsuri's smile flickered a little bit, but she nodded, her green-tipped braids bouncing. "Sure thing, Rairi-san. Feel free to use whatever room you like to talk. I'll go grab him." And with that, she disappeared back inside the doorway, and I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes for a moment, half listening to the chipper sound of her voice amongst the chatter of others that must be present.

"Senpai?"

Zenitsu tugged on my sleeve to catch my attention, and I could already see the worried look on his face. Fuck, how much worse was it going to be once I told him what had happened, once he understood why my feelings were such a mess, once he understood the situation we were in now? If nothing else, I needed to be strong enough to support him whenever he did. So I took a breath to steel myself and kept up my smile. "Hey, Zenitsu. Let's go take a walk together, okay?" He nodded, and I led the way, despite not knowing where a damn thing was. Well, at least getting us lost would mean that we could chat in private. "How's training with Mitsuri-san been treating you?"

Being the good kōhai he was, Zenitsu didn't question my change in topic. "It's super rough! You remember the flexibility training they put us through at Butterfly Manor? It's like that but even harder! Plus we have to do these tricky dance routines. If I didn't know how to do Total Concentration: Constant, I'd never make it through!" At listening to him talk, I could almost feel at ease again. Zenitsu was a comforting presence, a piece of home—the single piece of home I had left. The thought broke through my reforming calmness, and I came to a stop in the hall, Zenitsu making it a few paces further before he noticed and turned back to me. "Senpai?"

"You don't have to call me 'Senpai' anymore."

The words came out far harsher than I intended, and we both flinched. I tried to get my tone under control, clenching my hands into fists at my sides. Rip it off like a bandage, try to get it over with, try to pretend that I wasn't about to shatter Zenitsu's heart into pieces. If lying to him wouldn't have been worse, if it wouldn't have been pointless, maybe I never would have told him.

"Sensei's dead," I said, and Zenitsu's mouth flapped open, the tears racing to fill up his eyes. "That means you and I are his successors now. So you don't have to call me 'Senpai' anymore, Zenitsu." Not when I don't deserve that honor anymore, either.

"Jī-chan's…" Zenitsu trembled; I could feel it whenever his hands caught onto my uniform jacket, clinging to me for support. "What happened?! What do you mean 'you and I'?! What about Aniki?! Why isn't he here, too, if this is about all of us?!"

Shit, I couldn't make myself numb to this at all. Like I'd told Zenitsu so long ago, the four of us were family, and now half of us were gone in one fell swoop. No, this isn't the time to cry about it, dammit! You're still here because Zenitsu needs you. And even more so if I was the one causing him pain by telling him all of this.

"I said 'you and I' because it's just me and you now, Zenitsu." He gasped, and I forced myself to power through the words all over again. "Kaigaku's a demon. I saw him." It wouldn't be fair to say that I fought him, because I hadn't done any such thing. "I let him get away, but he was a demon, and he's killed people. There's no getting him back. So Sensei… I…" I stared down at the floor, the sensation racing through my hands all over again. "I was his second," I whispered. "So he didn't suffer at least."

I didn't look at Zenitsu, too afraid to see his expression. If he hated me now, I would have deserved it, since it was my mistakes that got us here—but that didn't mean I wanted to see it, that I wanted to lose something else precious to me. I would respect whatever decision he made, sure, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt. His hands released the front of my jacket, and I braced myself for whatever would come next.

"Sen—no, Rairi," he said, his palms gentle as they pressed against my cheeks, turning me to look at him. Oh, he was crying, yes, but I could still see that gentle kindness and warmth in his honey-colored eyes that was always there. "You don't have to force yourself to be okay. We're… Like you said, we're Jī-chan's successors now, which means we're equals. Let me help support you. If you need to cry, it's alright. I'm here for you."

Oh.

I couldn't form a response to that. Maybe if I'd still been in that role of senpai, maybe I would have fought back. But he was right: we were Sensei's successors now, so it was our job to pass on Thunder Breathing together—I didn't have to carry the weight of all of this on my own. The tears I hadn't been able to cry for the past week spilled over, and, whenever Zenitsu opened his arms, I threw myself into the hug and sobbed against his shoulder for everything that I'd lost in this new world that I'd found myself in: my friends, my family, my loves, my guardian. Zenitsu held onto me tight, just like he'd done after finding me after my nightmare, and we cried together in that hallway until there was nothing left that we could purge in that moment.

Kaigaku, a demon; Shimizu, dead; Sensei, gone—but Zenitsu still at my side, even now.

No matter what, I swore, I'm going to make sure you make it through this, Zenitsu. I promise.

I didn't ever get the words out, but I was almost certain that Zenitsu understood me anyways.

It'd been some time since crying had made me feel so exhausted, and Zenitsu offered me his guest futon to take a nap in. Considering that I hadn't had any proper rest in over a week, though, it wasn't any surprise whatsoever that I passed the fuck out for quite some time, sleeping all the way through the afternoon and into the early morning. Whenever I blinked awake, feeling rested for once, it took me a moment to recognize that there was a hand in mine; Zenitsu had fallen asleep on the edge of the futon, and I'd bet that he wanted to be close in case a nightmare managed to catch up to me, and I smiled a bit.

"You should've just woken me up, silly," I muttered, working on shuffling him onto the shikibuton as best I could without disturbing his rest. Zenitsu groaned in his sleep but didn't wake up as I tucked him in. That said, I did have to pry my shirt from his grip, since he'd grabbed onto that in place of my hand. That done, I brushed his bangs out of his face. Once he woke up, I'd have to thank him for letting me cry on him like a baby the day before. If I hadn't let it all out, I would have snapped sooner rather than later, and that wouldn't have done either of us any good.

Satisfied with my work, I slipped out of the room in search of a bathroom. Lucky for me, there was one not too far off from the rooms that Mitsuri had set up for the Slayers participating in her Hashira training, so that was simple. I could even remember my way back to Zenitsu's room from here—but I didn't think I could go back to sleep without issue. Yes, I'd needed the rest, no doubt, but I already felt like I'd wasted so much time lying around. If what Shimizu had written was correct (and I trusted that it was), then we had to be close to the climax of the manga, which meant that I couldn't afford to slack off in my training at all, and even less so if I was going to make sure Zenitsu was safe.

I'll make sure that you at least get to live a long and happy life. No matter what.

While a decent size, the Love Hashira's estate wasn't anywhere near as large as Headquarters, so even I could find a training hall by making use of my Random Wandering skill. I hadn't so much as drawn my sword since I'd served as Sensei's second, and I hadn't participated in anything close to combat since I'd encountered Kaigaku. I'd trained with a blade long enough that it wasn't like all my skill had abandoned me in that week, but even I felt rusty.

No more. I can't afford to slack off at all until this is over.

That determination made it easy enough for me to fall into the usual warmups, though I had to pause and push through the lingering memories more than I thought I would: the first time Sensei had shown me Thunder Breathing; his harsh instructions as I fumbled my bokuto for weeks on end; the hassle of Kaigaku complaining about his training going too slow; fending off his sparring attempts; dragging Zenitsu back to practice; training when it was still all four of us together…

I had to learn to push through it. If I got distracted by thoughts like that during a real fight, I'd be done for.

Zenitsu and I were Sensei's successors, the next in line to pass on Thunder Breathing. And that meant Kaigaku was our responsibility to take care of. I couldn't afford to falter the next time we fought.

"You're hard at work already, aren't you, Rairi-san?"

I finished my form and sheathed my sword at the sound of Mitsuri's voice, bowing in her direction. "Sorry for using the dojo without permission, Mitsuri-san. I have some lost time I need to make up for."

"There's no need to apologize over something so silly. I told you that you're free to use this place however you like." By the time I'd stood up, Mitsuri had already crossed the room towards me, catching me in a hug before I could say anything. "Sorry for prying," she said, "but I asked Zenitsu-san about what was happening. It's hard, isn't it?" Unable to make up an excuse, I nodded, and Mitsuri squeezed around my waist. "Just know that I'm here for you, too, Rairi-san. If you ever need anything from me, just ask. I'll help out however I can!"

"…Thanks." I didn't know if there was any way Mitsuri could help, but it was nice to know that I wasn't going to have to pretend to be alright in front of her, too. I had no doubt that there were plenty of others in the Corps who wouldn't have even bothered to spare me a scrap of sympathy for not being able to strike down a demon who had once been a person I'd known and loved. The reactions Tanjirō had mentioned from the Hashira over the situation with Nezuko were proof enough of that.

"Of course, Rairi-san. Friends support each other, don't they?" Mitsuri smiled, and, for a moment, I was reminded of Shimizu's kindness and radiance, of her warmth that I wouldn't ever get to experience again. "And it's also the job of friends to make sure their friends are taking care of themselves. I'm glad that you got some sleep, but when's the last time you ate anything?" My brow scrunched up; I'd been throwing up almost everything I'd eaten for about the past week, so when even had I last kept a meal down? Mitsuri's cheeks puffed up in a pout. "If you have to stop and think about it, then it's been far too long. Come on! I'm getting you some breakfast!"

Mitsuri grabbed onto my wrist and pulled me along behind her with zero effort whatsoever, her impressive strength making the task child's play. My socks slid across the floor all the way to the dining area that I hadn't even known the vague location of until just then. Since Mitsuri had a super large appetite, her estate also had a full kitchen staff, and it seemed they were already at work on preparing breakfast for those in training. As such, it wasn't long at all before I got plopped down at a table with a plate before me, and saliva pooled in my mouth on instinct.

"Have you ever tried pancakes before, Rairi-san? I can't get enough of them! Here, they're extra good with butter and honey, so you need some of that, too." Mitsuri dropped a generous portion of both on top the stack she'd brought out for me, and then even more on her pile of pancakes that was at least triple the height of mine. "Remember that I wrote to you about how I keep bees? That's honey I got myself, so I can guarantee it's good. Now eat up, eat up!"

She didn't have to tell me twice. While I'd adjusted well enough to the Japanese diet over the past few years, I still had cravings every now and then for good old Western food. Sure, it cropped up here and there in cities, but stuff like this was best homemade. While Mitsuri munched on her own stack, I cut off a sticky bite and stuffed it into my mouth, the pure nostalgia of the flavor knocking into me much harder than I expected as I inhaled the meal, even as the pure sweetness of Mitsuri's fresh honey became almost overwhelming.

By the time I finished my seconds, my stomach was aching all over again—but it was more from fullness and the fact that I'd overindulged a bit much on the sweets than actual nausea. Mitsuri's kitchen staff had enough state of mind to pass along some milk as well, and I nursed the drink as my body remembered what it was like to have a sated hunger rather than a hollow emptiness left over.

"Was it tasty?" Mitsuri asked, her expression all but begging for an answer. When I smiled back, the expression came easy.

"It was delicious," I said, meaning every word of it. Having something that felt way more at home in my previous world than this one had been enough for me to reset and reorient myself for a bit. Did everything else inside me still hurt? Yes. And of course, one meal wasn't going to be anywhere near enough to make me feel ready for what I'd need to do whenever I fought Kaigaku next, but it was a starting point, and I'd take it.

Seeing Mitsuri's face light up added to the seed of positive feelings forming inside me. "Right?! Western cuisine has all sorts of sweet stuff like this. I love it." It was a shame I'd never picked up an interest in baking. Maybe, once things were all over, I could describe some foods and see if someone a bit more skilled in the kitchen than me could replicate them. "Besides, eating your fill is satisfying, too, right?" Mitsuri poked my forehead, and I chose to take that as a reminder to take better care of myself—not just so I could protect Zenitsu, but because there were people who cared about me, too. "Now, I know you just asked to get invited here to make talking with Zenitsu-san easier, but do you want to participate in my training, too? I won't be able to host it longer since I'm going to be on a special mission soon, but I bet I could teach you a few extra tricks while you're here!"

Putting aside my criticisms of the system, direct instruction from a Hashira wasn't a common experience. While Zenitsu had reported that it was for the most part flexibility practice, there was no reason to doubt that a training regimen developed by a Hashira would be able to bear fruit. If nothing else, the hard work would keep me from getting rusty while I waited to hear back from Rengoku on my request to see Shimizu's notes.

"I'd be happy to join in, Mitsuri-san," I said, and her giggles of excitement were reward enough—though the wary looks of the Demon Slayers who had started to file in for breakfast seemed to indicate that this was more of an ill omen for the training to come than anything else. By the end of the day, my aching muscles had to agree with them, but I'd put up with anything if it meant that as many of us as possible could make it to the end of this with a smile.

Zenitsu, his face set in determination, remained steady at my side the whole time.

[Author's Notes]

I like to think this chapter is a bit of a break. Kind of. Maybe.

Thanks Kloana Dreams, N1SHA, Yothard7, Gramzo, eee9999, el baro, Knidew, LukaLukaa, ILikeFoxes828, Appah, Aria-RedMika, recklesz, ujay27, mr- uroborus, GlassedGamer, Lilytakeovermage, aayjames, and Pankow4 for the favorites, follows, and reviews! You all make my heart warm, which I've very much needed this past anxiety week.

Since it's been asked for me to elaborate on how Shimizu died (along with many theories that Shimizu isn't dead yet), all I can say is that we'll get to that. For Rairi's POV, it doesn't make sense for them to know the details yet, but I haven't forgotten this element and will show off what all happened after her POV cliffhanger, so just wait for that!

Rairi and Zenitsu are now a united force, and the only thing left to do is to face forward to the future. I hope you continue to follow me on the rest of this journey.

Also miscellaneous updates will start in the off week slots, since I can't commit to any one thing lately (lol).

It's time for a Taishō Era Secret! After listening to Rairi's long string of complaints back at Headquarters, Mitsuri decided to put in the time to block out a Hashira training session before the mass training that occurs in Canon. Still having Rengoku around to pick up some of the slack from her being out of the field helped, but it seems Iguro offered to cover Mitsuri's patrolling duties so she could focus fully on her instruction!

Next Time: There are notes to read, futures to plan for. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[03.26.2022]