("Lately I've been reminded, they say time's of the essence
You pulled me deep from the trenches, I guess we're here for confessions
I know you're unsure if you're worth, I know how deep that can cut
He broke you down, so you don't feel much, there's forty thousand strings
Holding back our past precautions not often I let you in."
"It's not often you let me in, I get it, I mean why would you to
Take a chance on me? Then I get, I mean why should you?"
"Someday I'll change for you
Right now I'm tryna get better
Old flames still burn like new
Sometimes they're hard to sever
And these walls don't lie, all they speak is truth
In this empty room, all I see is you
Someday I'll change for you
Right now I'm tryna get better.")
- Witt Lowry (feat Dia Frampton), "Lately"
November, 2016
4th year, age 16
"Riley, I'll meet you in the northwest corner. Get up into the vent and make the second right and then the first left after that. You should end up at the end of the vent in a corner. Drop to the floor."
"Copy."
"Maya, how's that lock coming?"
Maya grimaced, turning around with the device she was using to break into the building's locking mechanisms. "I need more time."
"You have 30 seconds," Josh ordered over their coms, and Maya blew out her breath in frustration, finally pulling open the locking mechanism and scanning it, looking for that wire that she had been taught to move to a different place. She pushed hair back from her face and held her lock pick in her teeth as she moved to get a better view of the place she was looking for.
"Maya," Josh warned.
"One sec," Maya gritted out through the lock picks in her mouth.
She pulled one wire and tugged out another one, leaving the second wire hanging as she shoved the first wire into its place. She shut the mechanism and tapped the screen, relieved when it lit up. She slid the bar and tapped in the override code, jumping up when she heard the loud clicks from all the doors around her - the unlocking.
"You're good," she told Josh over her coms, pulling open the door in front of her and running down the hallway. Her second meet up was Lucas.
"Josh, I'm at the northwest corner, where are you?"
"I'm on my way, just got through the locks. Hang tight."
Darting around the corner, Maya startled when she spotted four guards - and they spotted her. "Problem," she stated into her coms, backing up.
"What?" Josh asked.
"If they didn't know we were here," Maya grimaced, taking a fighting stance as the guards headed for her. "They do now."
"Maya, where are you?" Lucas demanded.
"Um," Maya glanced around frantically. "South wing, hall B section 4."
"I'm on my way to you."
"Great," Maya grunted, ducking under a swing and kicking a man into a wall.
"No, Lucas," Josh ordered, "stay your course. We need you to open the doors and trigger the alarms in the engine room. If you don't we're all screwed."
"But Maya-"
"Maya can handle herself. Stay your course," Josh barked, and Maya groaned.
She fought her way around the group, using the walls around the narrow hallway to jump off of vantage points, trying to minimize her height disadvantage. She knocked one out by choking him out, but in the process she was slammed against a wall. Eric had been right; when they hit her, it hurt. But he had also programmed weapons.
She pulled her dagger from her hip and flipped it in her hand, and when one guard swung to hit again, she sliced his forearm wide open. He yelled out and fell back, and Maya only took a second of realizing she had just cut someone for the first time (even if he wasn't real) before she shook it off and flipped her knife the other way, running at the wall and jumping up and off of it, coming down behind another guard and stabbing him in the side just below his sixth rib from the top, pulling it out as he fell to the ground in pain. She turned, her braid swinging around her head as she took stock of the last standing guard, and he grinned, pulling a knife from his own belt.
She rolled her eyes. "I know you're not real, but you're really starting to piss me off," she muttered. She ran at the man, but just before she would have slammed into him, she ducked and slid between his legs, holding her arm, and dagger, up as she sliced deep at his crotch. He collapsed as she stood up behind him, smirking a little.
"Problem solved," she declared into her coms. "Lucas, I'm on my way."
"Actually I'm good here; Josh is with me," Lucas said.
"Get to the exit, Maya," Josh ordered. "Once we trigger the alarms we have about 30 seconds to get out before everything locks up again. The more people out the fastest the better."
"Do you and Riley have the hostage?" Maya checked, moving towards their exit point.
"I've got her," Riley confirmed.
Maya frowned. "Her?"
"Turns out I didn't need Josh with me to get the hostage out," Riley said, just before she turned the corner and Maya caught sight of the child in Riley's arms.
"I thought we were grabbing an adult male?" Maya said in disbelief, walking towards Riley as she cradled the little girl to her chest. "What is she, like one?"
"I don't know; she's a baby," Riley admitted. "Babies all look the same to me."
The sound of the locks on the doors in front of them clicked open, and the alarms started up. Josh and Lucas came running down the hallway.
"Get out, now!" Josh yelled.
Maya pulled open the door, holding it open for Riley to run through and then keeping it open so Josh and Lucas didn't have to stop. She slammed it shut behind her, and turned to see the program around her fading away, along with the child in Riley's arms.
"You guys did very well," Eric approved from the front of the room, tapping the last few things on the controls to shut down the program. "Riley and Josh, you adapted to the change in hostage situation, and Maya, you handled your surprise guards perfectly. Good leadership Josh, especially in telling Lucas to keep his course. Everything went well." He smiled. "I'll have your evaluation reports to you within the hour. You guys have earned the afternoon off. Go relax."
The group pulled off their stimulators and put them on the wall as they filed out, making their way to the outdoor training grounds.
"You know, I wish he would just tell us what to expect in the mock, instead of throwing in random surprises left and right," Maya admitted.
"No you don't," Josh contradicted. "You love the rush of the surprise."
Maya turned to look at him incredulously. "What makes you think that?"
"You're calm right now," Josh observed.
"Everyone is calm after a workout," Lucas pointed out.
"Yeah, but she's never calm unless it's after rushes of adrenaline," Josh said. "She lives on it. She's an adrenaline junkie."
Maya turned to fully face him, furious. "I am not a junkie. Get that in your head, Matthews. I'm not addicted to anything."
"You're addicted to the rush of surprise and satisfaction that comes after succeeding," Josh contradicted.
"I am not," she stalked up to him and shoved him, "addicted to anything."
"Maya," Lucas darted forward to grab her and pull her back towards Riley, putting himself in between them as Riley touched Maya's arm.
Josh seemed to be studying her, a little triumphantly, and she realized he had very deliberately forced an emotional reaction from her.
"You're such an asshole," Maya bit out to him, swiveling around and heading away.
"Maya," Riley called after her, jogging to keep up, "he didn't know."
"Bullshit." Maya didn't turn around, keeping her eyes ahead. "He knew. He's your brother. He's our team leader. He knows everything. He provoked me."
"Not maliciously," Riley protested, and Maya stopped, nearly causing Riley to bump into her.
"You can't be the voice of reason and empathy every time, Riley," she said. "Can't you just admit that your brother is a self-absorbed jerk that tries to get into everyone's head?"
"No," Riley shook her head, frowning. "Because he's not. He wants to understand you, but you don't let anyone in."
"There's a reason for that," Maya snapped.
"You need to learn to trust us, Maya," Riley explained softly. "You need to understand us, and we need to understand you, otherwise this team will never work. We're not trying to hurt you."
Maya pursed her lips. "Maybe you're not, but he's certainly doing a damn good job of it."
When Maya opened her dorm door after taking her shower and putting on clean clothes, she wasn't surprised to see Josh standing in front of her. She shut the door.
Josh knocked again. "Maya, let me in," he ordered.
"We're off the clock, so you're not my boss," Maya explained smugly.
"We need to talk."
"We did talk. Where did that get us?" She pointed out.
"I want to say I'm sorry."
Maya stopped, frowning. Josh Matthews, apologizing? This she had to hear. She pulled open the door and crossed her arms.
"Riley told me that I need to apologize to you," Josh began.
"Not a great start," Maya informed him, snorting.
"I was not trying to hurt you," Josh insisted. He seemed to be studying her, looking for her reaction, like he always was, and Maya was sick of it.
"Then please, tell me what you were trying to do?" Maya suggested, turning around so he couldn't see her face as she walked further back into the room.
"I need to know your emotional stability," Josh admitted, following her into her bedroom. "I'm sure you've noticed me trying to understand you for the past few months."
"Yeah, trying to read my mind and see my thoughts," Maya agreed.
"Trying to understand you," Josh objected. He stopped a few feet away from her, but Maya still didn't turn around. "I've done my best to be a good leader to this team for the past two years. I've done my best to get everyone on the same page. But for some reason, you don't trust my judgement, and you don't trust me. I've done my best to show you I'm not a threat; I've worked with you on projects and assignments and spars, but you don't seem to get it."
Maya stared at the wall ahead of her. "So you've tried avoidance, collaboration, manipulation, and now, what? What strategy is this?"
"Honesty," Josh suggested.
Maya rolled her eyes and turned around to face him. "You're not seriously going to suggest that the way you're talking to me right now is honesty."
"Honestly, you are probably the most annoying person I've ever met, and you make my life harder in every way," Josh stated, and Maya fought back a smile.
"Oh, so we're doing real full honesty then?"
"But you took the acting project seriously and fixed our problems, which I couldn't have been able to do by myself," Josh continued. "I know I'm not a people person; that's just not one of my strengths. You're obviously not a people person either, but you figure it out. We both know I'm physically stronger than you and you see me as a threat-"
"No, I don't," Maya contradicted.
"Yes, you do," Josh stated. "You see me as a threat right now. You're on alert, ready to act, in case I physically attack. And you're closed up, in case I emotionally attack. I know we didn't start out the right way. I'm sorry for that morning when I lost control. I've grown."
"I'm sure you have," Maya rolled her eyes.
Josh took a controlled breath, obviously getting frustrated. "I'm not going to pretend that we're ever going to be friends. But we need to work together, and you make our team better. So either figure out a way to trust me, or get off of my team."
"There's the Josh I know." Maya tipped her head. "It doesn't take much for you to drop a facade of caring to show us the real you."
"Maya," Josh took a deep heaving breath, "you infuriate me sometimes, but I don't distrust you."
"You infuriate me all the time," Maya countered. "And if you keep playing games with me, I'll never be able to trust you. Let it down, tell me what you're actually feeling."
"I am," Josh insisted. "You're my sister's best friend, you're on my team, and I need you to trust me. Those are the facts."
"I don't want facts, I want feeling," Maya pushed.
"I'm feeling like you're getting on my nerves," Josh glared at her.
Maya studied him, wondering what he really wanted, and what he would do to get it. "You know how Riley got Lucas's trust?"
"He told her a secret, and she told him one," Josh recalled. "So what do you want to know?"
"Really?" Maya leaned forward, interested. "You're really willing to play this game with me?"
"I always win games," Josh warned.
"Always is a strong word," Maya countered. "And this game isn't one to win. Six questions, three each," she suggested, "and if you tell me every answer, I'll tell you mine."
Josh studied her, then shook his head and sighed. "I'll play."
"Promise to answer every question?" Maya pressed. "You can't go back if you don't like one."
"I'm a man of my word," Josh promised.
"Well then," Maya smiled. "How old were you when you really hurt someone for the first time?"
"I was seven," Josh said. "My mom took me out of martial arts classes that day; the teacher said I took things too seriously."
"I was five," Maya returned. "My mom brought home a guy I didn't like, so I hit him in the balls. With the tip of a butter knife."
"Have you ever been abused?" Josh asked his question.
"Depends on your definition," Maya explained. "My mom never hit me, but some boyfriends were less than friendly. Especially when I got into something they brought home for her. You?"
"My mom used to," Josh confessed slowly. "Not enough to leave any lasting damage, but if I did something wrong, she'd slap me. I learned pretty quickly not to do anything wrong."
Maya squinted at him when she realized he wasn't lying. "Does Riley know that?"
"No," Josh stated. "And she's not going to. Does she know you were abused?"
"No," Maya copied. "And she's not going to."
"What do you really think of me?" Josh asked.
"That's loaded," Maya warned.
Josh shrugged. "We are playing a game you suggested."
Maya pursed her lips. "I think you didn't care about anyone else here except Riley. You thought everyone was just a problem, would get in your way, and would be collateral damage. You certainly didn't trust anyone else. And you absolutely hated me because I was better."
"And now?" Josh asked.
Maya tipped her head a little. "I think you're doing your best to do the job you were given, whatever it takes. Even if it takes changing who you are to do it."
"I think that you didn't see a point to getting close to anyone in your life because you were afraid that they would either hurt you, or leave you. So you shut the world out, which worked well for a while, until you were put on this team, where you have to trust people." Josh shook his head. "We're a lot alike, Maya, and that's why we clash. But we have to agree to trust each other. I'm not going to hurt you."
"I don't want to hurt you either," Maya admitted. She stared at him for a few moments, before realizing it was her turn, but Josh glanced down at his wrist band.
"I just got a message; I have to go," he explained.
"We each still have one question left," Maya protested.
"Save them," Josh suggested, before he let the door shut behind him.
A/N: Ughhhhhh I wrote a whole Joshaya chapter that takes place in like January but I have to bridge their relationship development and that's so harrrrdddddd! I feel like I'm changing Josh's character too much too fast and I don't like it but I really want to get to their chapter!
I'm going to move Rucas forward soon but I'm still working out their plotline. I'm sorry for those Rucas shippers out there :( I'm doing my best.
I've got a few midterms coming up this week and then finals in a few weeks, plus I have work this week and I've messed up my sleep schedule so bad by writing instead of sleeping... so I don't know when I'll update. Hopefully soon.
Review if you'd like! Any feedback is appreciated :)
Kisses,
C