pres· sure
\ ˈpre-shər \
" the burden of physical or mental distress "
•
December 18, 1995
Monday
•
h.s.

Dear sweet Hera,

I wish to hear more about your inquiry if you choose to join the dragon program this coming fall. Are we still counting the days for you visiting us during the summer?

Love,
your uncle Newt

•

To my favorite uncle,

Have I ever failed to visit you and Aunt Tina during the summer since my first year at Hogwarts? I hope I shall be welcome after this summer since I am no longer a child like I used to be. I would greatly appreciate it if I was.

The dragon program is still on the table. I still wish to speak more with you about it as well.

With great tidings,
your favorite niece

•

To my favorite great niece,

You will always be allowed in our home, your aunt Tina would never let me hear the end of it if you didn't accompany us for any summers past this one.

(I am also aware of your parents' alienation of you in their home, please be assured that Porpetina and I would never make you feel as unwelcome as they have as we love you like our own child.)

I am happy to know you are still coming. We should also speak about my colleagues at the program. I know I've mentioned Charles Weasley many times, he is the best of them all in terms of being friendly and training. You cannot do wrong by him.

Great regards,
Newton Scamander, author of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

•

To my favorite author,

I cannot wait to visit, this school year could not pass by any slower. I will have my best time at Hogwarts during winter break with my best friend and soul sister, Stella Griffin.

(I believe I've told you about her in the past, I think you'd love her if she ever came to visit.)

If it weren't for the promises I've been making for years, I would come visit you during the break if you would allow it. I can't wait to hug you and Aunt Tina so hard that you can't breathe.

With love,
Anahera Sincaid

•

"I wasn't aware you liked to write," Caleb was over my shoulder as I penned my reply to Uncle Newt's most recent letter,"Another trait and talent you inherited from your father."

"Are you just going to bait me into thinking you're going to tell me something deep and meaningful about dear Aidoneus Sincaid but then take back the statement and act like it never happened?" I sealed the envelope and penned "Newton Scamander" on the front, putting it in my bag before turning to Caleb.

He didn't seem surprised that I understood his ploy but he did look impressed,"I didn't think you'd figure it out."

"Well, it's either that or you actually know nothing about my father at all and all these visits have been for nothing."

His face twisted from impressed to daring to charismatic all in a matter of ten seconds as I raised an eyebrow at him, my accusation hanging in the air threateningly. I almost laughed but I thought against it as he smiled, his teeth shining in the limited light the room provided,"I think if you wish to know some real stories about your father, I hope today you will open your mind."

I sat up straighter in my seat, watching him sit down on his desk, crossing his ankles and holding his head up as if he were the most important person in the universe.

"It's hard to take you seriously," I crossed my arms, his smile faltered the slightest bit,"With that hat and the way you always go around and twist your words."

He rolled his eyes dramatically as he took his hat off, placing it next to him and licked his lips as he looked back at me,"Happy?"

"Superb."

He sighed, leaning back as he got comfortable,"It's not surprise that your father has that certain tattoo on his forearm. It's the mark of a Death Eater as you'd know from our first meeting together."

I nodded, remembering the chill that went up my spine when he said so.

"I think to tell you this story, I have to reveal a small part of myself," Caleb sat up, hesitating for a second as he looked up at me through his eyebrows,"I will show you something that I am not proud of. Something that I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to abandon even if the boy I was smitten with was also doing it. Something that your father and I both had a mutual understanding of and we both wish we could take back."

How he knew what my father wanted was beyond me but I didn't feel it in me to ask. Whatever he was about to show me was dangerous..and I felt like I knew exactly what he was about to do.

I watched as Caleb pulled up his left sleeve, revealing a dark tattoo that mimicked my father's exactly. I remembered Malachi having one as well..but Malachi was only a child when the first war happened. Why did he have one?

"Well, well, well...Caleb Covington gave in to peer pressure," I was almost breathless as I said it, afraid to say anything else. But, somehow, I knew he wouldn't hurt me because I knew. He was showing me for a reason. He cared and trusted me enough to entrust me with this.

"There's a lot of things I've given into because of peer pressure," he sighed heavily,"My heart being broken for one. Not telling the longtime holder of my heart that I loved him, another. Watching my best friend being tormented because of a decision she could not control."

He looked like he was going through the stages of grief as he spoke, a sort of lesson behind each sentence,"Life is short but it feels like you'll live forever when you're young."

I wondered about how this connected with my father..but then it hit me like a brick being thrown at my face.

"You were a Death Eater."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. An accusation. And by the look on his face, it was a real one.

"As was your father..." and then he said the words I never thought I'd ever hear from his mouth ever,"And your friend, Stella's, father as well."

•

The knowledge of knowing Stella's father was a Death Eater almost outshined the fact that Laddie's birthday was tomorrow.

Laddie always made it a spectacle the entire week of his birthday that his birthday was coming soon and, in turn, we should all treat him like the king he is. If it were up to me, I would say to ignore him but Laddie found his ways.

His way this year was Alex.

Alex had made it his goal to make Laddie happy despite their decaying relationship. I felt bad for them both, surprising myself since Laddie had been my sworn enemy since childhood. But, nevertheless, it was always sad to see relationships dying when they were so strong to begin with. It made me wonder sometimes.

I roamed the halls trying to find Stella instead of Luke, who was supposed to have met me outside of Ancient Runes after I talked to Caleb but seemed to flake at the last second. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. It was really annoying but I knew better than to ask.

I fiddled with the necklace hanging from my neck, the one that Caleb got me for my birthday. I had found that I couldn't go anywhere without it, feeling naked if it wasn't around my neck every day all day. It was nice to have something like that, even Caleb noticed.

My mind wandered to Caleb now and about his confession, the thought reeling in my head about what events could have lead to him becoming a Death Eater.

And then I remembered my father was also one.

I'm not sure why it was such a staggering thought but I stopped in my tracks, staring at the wall as my mind replayed.

My father was a Death Eater. Aidoneus Sincaid killed people mercilessly.

My mind began to jumble together painfully, nothing but images of my father when he was younger, and then suddenly remembering that I didn't even know what he looked like when he was younger, swirled around as my brain refused to let go. I felt my body begin to hyperventilate, my lungs burning as I began to lean against the hallway's wall.

I found my hands in my hair as I desperately tried to find something to tie me down to reality and to not have a panic attack right then and there but everything crashed in all at once and I felt tears sting my eyes when two familiar voices sounded down the hall,"Hiya, Hera."

I didn't look up as Fred and George approached me, George had worry tinged in his voice,"You alright?"

I swallowed as I looked up, my breathing still quick and my heart rate still booming,"Uh, I..I'm not sure."

They looked at each other before they looked back at me. Fred crossed his arms as he leaned next to me against the wall,"Sit down and take a breather, okay? I'm sure no one will mind if we're late to you-know-what."

I felt all emotions leave me. Dumbledore's Army and the Secret Santa was today. I completely forgot.

I felt my body try to heave my breakfast up but George tried to help,"Hera, look at me."

I stared into his eyes, my second round of staying in this reality going smoother than the first,"Breathe in, slowly, from your nose and then out through your mouth."

I wasn't sure I should've been taking advice from one of Hogwarts's most notorious pranksters but both him and Fred seemed very concerned and had nearly ran down the hall just to see what was wrong.

I did as he said, taking a deep breath in from my nose. Both the twins did it with me as well as the breathing out from my mouth. It took a couple tries but it actually did help, my mind began to stop buzzing. Not completely but just enough to where I didn't feel like I was going to melt into the floor anytime soon.

I sighed, leaning my head back against the wall as Fred asked,"Better?"

I nodded, not having any energy to speak. My body felt dead, I wasn't even sure if I'd have enough energy to stay awake at Dumbledore's Army. But then another familiar voice sounded from the other side of the hallway,"Hera."

I looked and saw Luke, clutching the straps to his bright red backpack he wore for some goddamn reason, with a sour look on his face like he ate something he didn't like the taste of. It didn't take a rocket scientist for me to realize it was because of Fred and George standing next to me.

I wanted to knock some sense into him as he ran to my side, shoving George out of the way and grabbing my shoulders,"You okay?"

"Back up," I croaked, my brain beginning to start back up on its bullshit because of his close proximity.

"What happened?" He leaned in closer.

"Back the fuck up, Lucas," I said louder, panic bubbling up as I realized he wouldn't without a reason,"I'm having a fucking panic attack."

I saw Fred and George exchange glances before George said,"Yeah, mate, maybe you should-"

"I'm not taking advice from my girlfriend's ex so if you'll excuse-"

"Lucas, shut the fuck up and back the fuck up before I punch you into next week," I was angry, my breath coming out hot and my gaze deadly as I stared razor blades at him,"I don't have to tell you why, just back away."

He did, holding his hands up in the air as he backed away, shock and hurt on his face as he stared into my soul,"I..I'm sorry."

"Just shut up," I turned away from him, focusing on the twins who looked extremely concerned. I didn't speak anymore, I didn't have the strength as I began the breathing exercises once again.

Luke was quiet until I calmed down but that didn't stop him from glaring at the twins with hate, almost as if he would make them disappear without a trace. But they weren't paying attention to him, their eyes were on me as I calmed down.

Eventually, I was officially calm but I still had a buzz like anything would start it back up again at any second. I wished I could back out of everything today but I would persevere. That was supposedly the Sincaid way, after all.

I looked at the twins,"Um, I think Luke's gonna walk me to you-know-what."

"Are you sure you want to join us today?" Fred crossed his arms.

"Yeah, are you in a good mindset to be able to?" George added.

"I'll be fine," but you could tell there was hesitation in my voice, a lingering little sliver of pain that just wanted to go to bed and stay there for the rest of the day,"We'll see you there."

They didn't say anything else as they glanced at Luke and walked off, looking back a few times before turning completely and walking towards the way to the Room of Requirement.

I looked at Luke, gazing at him without words and I could tell he was going to lose his mind from not speaking as he barely bounced on the balls of his feet.

He shouldn't be the one to be anxious about this situation. He wasn't even here.

"What, Luke?" My words sounded harsh, anger mixed with annoyance was very obviously there.

"Why were Fred and George helping you out?"

Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've known them for years so they understand what my panic attacks look like? Because they've taken the time to understand my pain and my anger? Maybe, just maybe, they care about my emotions without thinking about what's underneath my clothes every second of the day?

I just shrugged,"Wrong place, wrong time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You weren't here and they were," I leaned against the wall, my arms crossed in fury,"You were supposed to meet me outside of Ancient Runes today after I talked with Caleb. Where were you, huh?"

He was silent, I kept talking,"You know what..where have you been going in general? We make plans and then you flake. It's constant, Luke."

"Sometimes I forget, okay?"

I scoffed, his face turned red.

"Just forget it," I picked up my messenger bag off the floor that I took off to get the pressure off my body,"We're already late for something. Maybe we should just skip. That seems to be your thing now."

We didn't even speak as we walked down the hallway, anger and tension between the both of us as a sour taste filled my mouth.

•

After Dumbledore's Army, we had the before Christmas break party at the prefect common room. I think Laddie also turned it into his birthday party thing which made me irritated but not as irritated as Luke at my side right now.

We hadn't spoken the entire time at Dumbledore's Army except for when we were learning stupefy. Luke hadn't wanted to use it on me but damn, did I want to use it on him. I threw him a few times across the room. It still didn't calm me down.

Now, as we entered the prefect common room in even more deafening silence, I grumbled,"Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

There was a mix of birthday and Christmas decorations everywhere. I don't think I would be the first one to point out that the red and green Christmas decor did not even coincide with the pastel pink and gold balloons and streamers. It was somewhat of an eyesore but I chose to ignore it as I watched Laddie approach us,"If it isn't the lovebirds!"

"What the hell, Ladan?" I gestured to the birthday decor while he grimaced at his real name,"I thought this was a Christmas party."

"It was," Alex materialized beside Laddie, pecking him on the cheek,"But then I realized we never planned a party for Laddie."

"Yeah and since we had one for you..." Laddie acted like I had any knowledge of that party before at all,"Alex figured it would be nice if we combined the two."

"Isn't it blasphemous to celebrate Christmas and your birthday?"

"What?" Laddie and Alex furrowed their eyebrows.

"You're basically screaming "happy birthday, Jesus" but instead the banners say "Laddie" instead..an invitation to get struck down, in my opinion."

Laddie rolled his eyes,"Didn't take you to be the religious type, Hera."

"You want to be struck down so you're clearly not, Ladan."

He grimaced again, Alex looked confused,"Ladan?"

Laddie opened his mouth to say something but that's when Reggie entered the room and saw Luke and I, deciding to crash the conversation as he slung his arms on our shoulders,"Happy early Christmas, guys!"

Laddie side-eyed him,"Happy early birthday, Laddie."

Reggie was wearing a dreadful looking Santa hat and a bright red jacket, the only one who actually decided to dress up festively it seemed. It didn't seem to bother him though as he looked up and down at Luke,"You alright?"

Luke didn't say anything and just pouted, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes or yell at him. I was acting normal, why couldn't he?

Reggie looked down at me,"You seem off too."

"What?"

"Yeah, you're quite tense," Laddie looked at his fingernails like they were more interesting than the company surrounding him.

"I am not."

"Bad time at you-know-what," Luke interjected,"We both couldn't quite get the spell down."

"Hera seemed to do just fine," Angelica suddenly entered the room, red glittery Christmas baubles hanging from her ears as earrings while she wore a bright red cocktail dress that had white accents in a sexy Mrs. Claus style. I had a hard time keeping my eyes off her as she grinned like it was hilarious,"She threw Luke around the room plenty of times."

Luke mumbled something illegible and I let out a slight laugh,"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Anyway," Angelica pulled Reggie's hat off his head violently, he started to protest but she only smiled,"Time to add names to the hat."

"For...?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Secret Santa," Angelica looked shocked,"Don't tell me you forgot."

I was actually thankful I didn't, pulling a small wrapped box out of my messenger bag with Melody's name on the tag,"Nope."

"Oh, thank Merlin," she started writing down names on a piece of parchment from her bag,"We won't start until everyone else gets here but I'll go ahead so once they do, we can get started."

She grinned, walking away as she ripped up the paper and tossed them into Reggie's hat. Reggie looked distraught, of course, I would too if my hat had been stolen from me like that..but I think Angelica had a good reason and she couldn't be faulted when she looked so good tonight.

Minutes passed and more people joined, Melody came in with Flynn while Julie came in with Stella. Stella instantly looked over at me and I saw her eyebrow quirk up before she mouthed,"You okay?"

I almost screamed at how everyone could see through me tonight but I only nodded and Angelica got excited as she said,"Okay! Everyone get in a circle!"

I was hesitant since the last time I got into a circle at a party, I made out with Luke in a closet..and I'm sure we didn't feel like making out tonight.

I knew I had to pretend everything was okay, Luke had been the one thing in my life that didn't feel bad this year. He was the one good thing this year that I made me distracted from the imminent future that crept up on us as the months passed. He usually made me happy. I was myself around him. But, tonight, I wanted to rip his head off. I hoped that feeling wouldn't last as I sat next to him, our legs touching as we were crammed together.

Angelica began explaining the rules as if we didn't know how to give gifts to each other anyway. Angelica pulled the first name out of the hat and announced that it was Alex who had to give his gift.

Unsurprisingly, he somehow got Laddie and presented him with a gold ring with a pastel pink heart-shaped jewel embedded into the base, small golden crescent moons surrounded the jewel and Laddie's eyes sparkled but I could tell something was wrong.

He gave Alex a hug, not a tight nor a passionate hug, and didn't even kiss him as he thanked him for the gift. Alex looked almost distraught, Laddie just put the ring on his pointer finger and didn't hardly admire it as much as I knew he would if something wasn't up.

"Okay, Laddie, your turn!" Angelica announced.

spon·ta·ne·ous
/spänˈtānēəs/
"performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus."
•
s.g.

Everyone turned and looked at Laddie. We were all just as curious about who his Secret Santa was as we were for everyone else's.

Laddie made eye contact with me. He placed his hand on his present, and I couldn't help but count the number of rings he was wearing on his fingers. He was wearing six- one on each finger except for the second one on his pointer.

I watched his hand motion as he slid the gift across the floor to me. Oh. He got me.

I glanced at him once more before unwrapping it, wondering what it could be. When the wrapping paper was completely off, I realized it was a book, and what book it was.

It was the newest edition of Phantom of the Opera.

I won't lie, I felt like I was going to burst into tears. I only have about four books, but I left them all at the Orphanage.

I don't miss Rosewood Orphanage when I'm here at Hogwarts. Not one bit. As soon as I had gotten thrown back in there, Holly convinced everyone there that I was some demon-possessed freak who is being sent to some religious boarding school to get checked out.

I never confirmed or denied anything. Better for them to believe that than find out I'm a witch. Everyone believed Holly, anyway, so no one asked questions.. Except for June.

Now June I missed.

June Petterec was the only girl at Rosewood I actually liked. She could be considered my best friend after Hera, but only when I'm actually there. I don't let her write to me. How would I explain why my letters have to be sent via owl?

June is the most spontaneous person I know. She gives off a demeanor like she doesn't care about anything else in the world. That's one of the cool things about her, that everyone at Rosewood has suffered in some way but June can still see the light in everything. There are times where she and I would sneak out to go to a record store, or a bookstore, or even just the part nearby to get away from it all.

She's the only reason I would even debate going back for Christmas Break. But I spend break with Hera every year, and I intend to during her last. She's the person I care most about, after all.

I pull my attention away from June and Rosewood and back to the book Laddie gave me.

The cover was gorgeous. It was crimson red with the title and author's name embroidered in gold. Then I noticed that my name was also embroidered.

'Property of Estella Griffin,' it said in the corner.

This made me want to cry. The book was mine, and only mine, and this is one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received. But the most shocking thing about it was the fact that Laddie was the one who had given it to me.

I opened it up to examine the font of the pages, which caused a folded note to slip out. I reached and picked it up between my fingers before unfolding it, not wanting to rip it.

Stella,

It's kind of funny how we got along as well as we do so quickly. I don't think I've ever met someone who actually liked me and continued to talk to me as much as you have. It's nice to have a friend.

I'm glad that you became my friend, Ella, I hope we can become best friends eventually.

(I can call you "Ella", right?")

Happy Christmas from your Secret Santa,
Laddie

I'll admit, I started at the nickname 'Ella' for longer than I should have. It was making me feel the same way as when Hera called me 'Stella' for the first time, it made me feel cared for. That people care enough to give me nicknames.

I felt my eyes starting to gloss over, and I hope it wasn't noticeable. I looked over at Laddie and mouthed 'Thank you.' All he did was shrug. "Don't mention it."

I was definitely going to mention it later.

The next person in the circle was Reggie, who had gotten Angelica. He got her a bag of a small toy block. Angelica looked at it suspiciously before bursting out into laughter. "That was funny, Reginald. I love this."

I noticed when she sat it down in front of her that there was a piece of paper attached. It said to walk around the block twice and then take a break. The joke was that she would've walked a block twice. I let out a small giggle.

Luke was after Reggie, and poetically, he got Hera. He gave her a pair of guitar earrings that she looked at with uncertainty, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Oh, Luke.." Hera seemed at a loss for words, but I know her. This was not a good loss for words. Now that I'm really looking at her, I can see just how upset she is.. And I think the earrings made it worse. "They're very.. Cute, Thank you."

I knew she was trying to act normal, but I've always been good at reading emotions. Plus, add the five years we've been friends.

"You're welcome, belle," He said to her and pecked her on the lips before sitting back in his spot.

I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I know I already asked, but are you okay?"

"We'll talk about it later." Was all she said.

After a couple more exchanges (As well as my gift to Flynn. She really liked the bag I got her), the exchange was over. It made me sad. This was our last Christmas altogether. Even if I met Sunset Curve this year, they became a part of our group so quickly.

Everyone descended off into their own little groups, and I rushed up to Hera.

"Do you want to talk outside?"

All Hera did was nod before we both strayed away from the party.

We stood in silence at first, but Hera looked like she was about to explode.

"You know, if you need to scream-" I started.

"Everything today is just so- ugh!" She screamed the word ugh. "First, I have plans with Luke that he forgot about then I have a panic attack and you know what Luke did? Got jealous because Fred and George were the only ones with enough bloody sense to help me!" Hera was spitting all this stuff out, and I kept my mouth shut, knowing better than to interrupt her.

Hera leaned against the wall, staring off into the distance. "Everything with Luke was just so.. good at first, you know? It was everything I wanted in a relationship.. But lately, I'm starting to think he only wants the physical side of me and not the emotional side. I mean, do you think I fucking like these earrings?"

I rubbed her arm to try to calm her. "Have you two talked about this?"

"No. All we do is make out and I'm sick of it."

"That's the problem then. You two don't communicate. Maybe later instead of snogging the two of you have a heart-to-heart. I saw the way Luke was acting tonight.. I do think he does want it to work with you, he's just not good at showing that."

Hera watched me just as closely as she seemed to be listening to my words. "How are you single when you give this advice?"

I couldn't keep it from her anymore. Not when Laddie knows and not her. But I won't tell her it's Carrie. Carrie doesn't want that.

"Actually I'm not.. completely single but- I can't tell you everything.." I saw the excited look that appeared on Hera's face. "And this isn't about me!" I reminded.

Hera grinned mischievously. "Do I know them?"

"Yes. That's all I'm saying—"

Hera ignored what I said. "Are they here tonight?"

"No. Really, I can't—"

A lightbulb seemed to turn in Hera's brain. "Is it Carrie?"

"What the fuck?" I breathed. How the fuck did she guess that?

"Is it? Because I've noticed you two have been getting closer again recently—"

"I can't tell you. She doesn't want me to tell people."

Hera frowned but nodded anyway. "I can get why she doesn't, I guess."

I pressed my lips together. "Yeah."

"Why do we keep having a heart to heart in this corridor? During parties?"

I laughed. "Maybe that's our thing now."

Hera chuckled. "Maybe. I'm going to my dorm, I'm exhausted."

"Tell me if you need anything."

"I will." She walked off, and I walked back inside.

I looked for someone else to talk to. My eyes landed on Luke, who was still looking sad but was in a heated discussion with Julie anyway. I moved my eyes away and spotted Angelica, Melody, and Flynn. I didn't want to interrupt their conversation, though.

Then I saw Laddie, who was alone. He seemed to be people watching. I wanted to thank him for the gift, so I approached him.

"For the record," I began. "I'm fine with you calling me Ella.. Only if I get to call you a nickname too."

Laddie raised an eyebrow. "Stella, Laddie is already a nickname."

"So is Stella. It didn't stop you."

"Fine, fine. Just not bloody flower."

First, my brain wondered why he didn't want to be called flower, and then it actually started thinking of nicknames.

"Dawn."

"Dawn?"

"Dawn."

"Fine." He still grinned, nonetheless.

"I started using the ring holder, by the way." He was referencing the ring storage box I got him for his birthday.

I would've waited to give it to him today if I had known Laddie was going to combine this party with his own, but Laddie always seems to have a way of surprising me.

I glanced at his hands again. "You mean that's not all the rings you own?"

"No, not even close."

My jaw dropped a little. "Well, this is definitely getting used." I held up the book.

"Have you read it before?" Laddie asked to continue the conversation.

My lips make an upside-down U as I shake my head. "I mean to get it when I go to the Birmingham library but I always get.. distracted."

"Babe!" Alex announced and skipped up to Laddie.

"Speaking of distractions.." Laddie said before pecking Alex on the lips.

Seeing them together made me think about the conversations I've had with them individually about how their relationship was falling. The problem was that they had the same problems but different perspectives. But they seem to be happy now, and that's what matters.

"Did you give it to her yet?" Alex asked like I wasn't standing right next to them.

"More gifts? You're spoiling me, Dawn."

Laddie smiled bashfully before his lips formed a straight line. "It's a joint gift," He stated and pulled something small out of his pocket.

It was a rainbow bracelet, similar to the one Alex wears, only with pastel colors. I noticed then how Laddie had one on his wrist too.

I take it from Laddie and play around with it in my hand, examining it close to make sure I see all the details.

"Alex and I both have one so we thought you should have one too," Laddie explained when he noticed how intently I was staring at it.

At that moment, I didn't think straight and pulled Laddie into a strong embrace.

It took him a few seconds to hug me back, but when he did, he hugged me tightly like this was the first time he'd seen me in months. I hugged him tighter in response, being close enough to him to where I could smell his cologne. He smelt like old books and pine trees as well.

We pulled out of the hug after mere seconds. It was awkward, and I wasn't sure why. "Sorry," I whispered and patted him on the shoulder before hugging Alex just the same. I caught his scent too- he smelt of the ocean and flowers. "Thank you," I said loud enough for both of them to hear. When the hug was finished, I clasped the bracelet onto my wrist.

"By the way, Herbert mentioned you were beating yourself up about the quidditch game.." Alex began and I started to block him out. Our first quidditch game of the season had been the weekend prior, and we lost to Ravenclaw because I hadn't caught the snitch. All of my teammates said it wasn't a big deal, Hera said that too, but Hera doesn't care about quidditch as I do. I had to keep telling myself that it was only the first game of the season and that I would be more successful in other games.

I shrugged in response, hiding my overthinking. "You win some you lose some, right?" It was Laddie who looked at me skeptically, but neither of them brought up the topic again.

We said our goodbyes and I gathered my belongings and walked to the door.

I noticed Reggie was looking at me. We locked eyes and I waved goodbye to him out of politeness. I really am going to miss this group after this year, even if it's only been formed for a short while.

•

December 22, 1995

Friday

•

Carrie wanted to meet with me at her dorm after class, so that's where I was heading. Sometimes Professor Snape partnering us up during potions has its perks.

When I walked into the Slytherin common room (despite the protest from the portrait), a few students looked at me funny. It was probably because a very giddy Hufflepuff was walking through their common room, but I didn't care. I just wanted to see Carrie.

I skipped most of the steps that get me to the dorm before knocking on the door.

When Carrie opened the door, I instantly noticed that she straightened her hair and put it up in a ponytail. She looks.. so pretty with straightened hair.

As I stared, Carrie smiled a little. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Come in," Carrie moved aside. "None of my dormmates are here, so.."

"So, that means we're free to do whatever we want?" I grin at her.

"Get your mind out of the gutter," She commented but wrapped her arms around my neck regardless. "How was the rest of your classes?"

"Fine, although Herbology was interesting."

They hadn't really been fine. I had been dwelling on this conversation I had with Umbridge ever since Defense Against the Dark Arts ended.

We had been discussing not to use magic at home over the break, as if that wasn't something we had known for six years. And it was as if she wanted to pick at me, because then she said: "Can you tell us what home means, Miss. Griffin? Since you have a comment about everything?"

I pressed my lips together. "Home is..." I felt nothing from those words as they slipped off my tongue, "A foreign concept to me." I looked down. Maybe she had seen that I wasn't going home for the break.. Because I didn't have a home to go back to.

"A shame," She had replied before calling on someone else.

Carrie hummed, and it snapped me back to reality. "I wanted to meet so I could give you your Christmas present."

I smiled brightly, but my smile fell when I realized I hadn't gotten her one yet.

"I don't have anything for you. I was going to get it over the break."

Carrie gently put her hand on my cheek. "Don't worry about it. You can give it to me after."

I appreciate her understanding, but it isn't surprising. She was one of the only people who understood for a long time.

She went off towards her bedside table to retrieve something. I didn't look long enough to see what, I didn't want to be spoiled on whatever the gift was. So I just sat on Carrie's bed, being careful not to mess it up too much. Carrie liked her area of the dorm to be spotless, meaning messing up her bed was a big no.

Carrie ended up sitting next to me, anyway. "Here," She handed me something small and wrapped.

I held it in my hands, trying to guess what it was before actually opening it. I was able to conclude that it was some sort of cassette tape. My first thought was Carrie just wrapped the rocky horror tape and was giving it back to me.. But I had to hope she wouldn't do that.

I unwrapped the gift, grinning that I was right, but it wasn't the rocky horror tape. I didn't know what was on this cassette.

"This is uh.. The original version of 'Wow'... The one I wrote about you. I just thought that now that you knew it was about you, it would have a different meaning."

My cheeks heated. I wanted to listen to it then and there, but I also wanted to do something else.

I set the tape next to me and look at Carrie, directly at her eyes. "Care, can I kiss you?"

Carrie didn't skip a beat before answering, "Yes."

And when we kissed, nothing else mattered at that moment. only us, just us.

This kiss was deeper, more meaningful than our previous one. A wondrous oblivion.

Carrie placed her delicate hands on my cheeks, pulling me closer to deepen the kiss.

My hands went to her ponytail, itching to play with it. I couldn't resist the temptation of pulling her hair out of the ponytail. When it all fell down onto her shoulders, I grabbed Carrie's hair gently.

Carrie then made a decision and straddled herself over my lap. Every reaction my brain could've had to that didn't happen, it was too fuzzy, too well focused on the kiss. I managed to move my hands from her hair to her hips.

When Carrie pulled back for air, she said softly "What are you doing to me, Stella?"

"I could ask you the same question," I mumbled against her lips.

We kissed more after that, lost in our own worlds.. Until Melody walked into the dorm, and Carrie almost fell off the bed trying to scramble off my lap.

Melody looked at the two of us with a raised eyebrow. "Don't let me stop the two of you."

Carrie rolled her eyes. "I have more self-respect than to give you a free make-out show.. But for the record, we were only talking."

Melody chuckled. "Yeah. That looked like a lot of talking to me. Don't worry, I literally do not care what you do, Carrie," She looked at me next. "Or you, Stella."

I could feel my cheeks being bright red.

Melody grabbed one of her books before heading out of the dorm without another word.

I looked at Carrie and started bursting out laughing- Only, she wasn't laughing, she was looking at the ground.

I stopped laughing and frowned. "Care, Melody won't tell anyone."

Carrie presses her lips together and just looks away. "You should go. I'll see you after the break."

I wanted to protest, to tell her that I didn't want to leave yet, but it's also her dorm, and I don't want to make her even more upset by being here.

I grabbed the tape and headed to the door before stopping, remembering the tape I had been expecting Carrie to give me. "Can you give me Rocky Horror back?"

"Oh, right, yeah," Carrie seemed dazed, but she pulled it out of her drawer and handed it to me anyway. "Bye," she said quietly, and I could hear the upsetness in her voice.

But she still kissed me on the cheek, and I gave her a small smile in return before leaving.

And I left with only one thought on my mind, an original lyric from 'Wow' that I held in my hand.

Check it out, yeah, you make me say, "Wow"

•

Later that day, just right before dinner, Hera and I were in the Great Hall studying.

Only, we weren't studying. We were talking, as girls do.

"And on Christmas day maybe we can convince Professor McGonagall to let us go to Hogsmeade for their Christmas thing," Hera stated as we worked out our Christmas plans.

"I could probably convince Professor Sprout," I add. "Like, I would be surprised if I didn't see her there, so we could probably just go down with her."

"Yes, good plan," Hera nodded.

We couldn't contain our excitement about Christmas in Hogsmeade. Hogsmeade usually had this big all-town Christmas party on Christmas Eve with carolers down the street, reefs hung everywhere, very festive.

The post decided to show up mid-conversation, but I don't ever get anything, so I paid it no mind.. Even if I was anticipating a letter back from Professor Lupin.

An owl dropped a letter in front of Hera, and it came as no shock to me that it was from her Uncle Newt. But then a letter dropped in front of me. I picked it up eagerly and looked at the return address.

R.J Lupin.

I ripped it open so fast, causing me to receive a curious look from Hera. When I unfolded the parchment to read the letter, I think that might've been the fastest thing I have ever read in my life.

'Estella,

Yes. I remember you. You were one of my best students, but that wasn't one of the only reasons I remember you. Why don't you come with Harry Potter over the break? He's coming where I'm staying, and I'm willing to give you more information about your parents if you still want it. Tell Harry I invited you, he'll understand.'

My hands started to shake as I finished it, my breath hitching from my nerves. This is my chance to finally get answers.

"Stella?" Hera looked at me concerned.

"Hera?" I managed to ask. "How would you feel about a spontaneous trip over the break?"