AN: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews so far! I'm so sorry for the break between chapters - real life has been rough. I'm a little nervous to post this one given the M content, but I hope I did it justice. How will Jane react once she has time to think? Will doubt and worry creep in, or will she be able to overcome it all? I guess we'll see...next time!
Jane awakens from her slumber with a start, sitting bolt upright. Stress dreams have plagued her sleep for weeks now on instinct she reaches out to the bedside table for her gun, hand clenching air desperately in a fruitless search.
For a few seconds, she's not sure where she is and she hurriedly rubs the sleep from her eyes with balled fists, her heart rate slowing when her eyes begin to adjust and the familiar surroundings of Maura's bedroom come into focus.
Lightning cracks across the twilight sky outside and she shudders at the sound, the sudden movement setting off a dull ache in her leg.
Ahh. Fuck. She'd forgotten about that.
Her hands slide under the soft comforter and she gingerly grazes fingertips across the neat dressing on her shin through her torn leggings. Aware that she is still wearing the muddied clothes that she fell asleep in, she starts to push back the covers, feeling an overwhelming need to shower and change before Maura has to see her in this state.
She's half out of bed, one foot planted on the floor and her sweatshirt already over her head when the bedroom door swings open and Maura enters, a mug balanced in either hand. She closes the door behind her with a bump of her hip, jumping slightly when she sees that Jane is perched on the edge of the bed and not asleep as she'd left her.
"I made tea. The power is out, I think it's the storm." Maura places a mug of steaming tea on the bedside table next to Jane, then pads over to the window and opens the blinds, peering out into the night.
"Mmm. I think that's what woke me. You okay?" Jane asks and Maura makes a noncommittal noise, gaze still fixed on the rain that hammers against the windowpanes.
Jane takes advantage of Maura's distraction and tiptoes over to the dresser comically as to not draw attention to herself, sliding open her drawer and grabbing the first items of clothing she comes across. She throws on an old band tee that she'd forgotten she had followed by a pair of shorts and then eases herself back onto the bed, pulling the blankets up high enough to take some of the chill from her bare legs.
"Maura?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you okay?" Jane narrows her eyebrows in suspicion at the lack of response.
"Yes. I'm fine. I've never been a fan of weather like this. It's very unpredictable."
"How'd you know I'd be up?" Jane indicates to her mug and Maura turns in her direction, her face unreadable across the room.
"You were having a nightmare. I heard you shout from the study. Tea usually seems to help."
Jane thinks of all the times that she's woken from a nightmare before, sweating and writhing to Maura hovering in the doorway, hot drink cradled in her hands ready for Jane. She's convinced that Maura knows her better than she knows herself.
"Thanks. Did I wake you?"
"No. My sleep pattern is quite irregular at the moment. I was catching up on some research."
Jane can't help the guilt that twists at her stomach - there is no doubt that she's had a hand to play in Maura's lack of rest. She adjusts the pillows next to her and then pats the empty side of the bed, gesturing for Maura to join her.
"I don't want to make you…" Maura's voice falters and she pauses, clearing her throat, "uncomfortable."
"You won't. C'mon Maur, it's cold. Hop in."
Jane watches as she navigates her way around the darkened room before slipping under the sheets. Maura visibly shivers despite the fluffy, cream sweater and black loosely fitted pants she wears - the closest thing to non-gym sweats that Jane has ever seen her in.
Maura sinks back into the pillows and they lay side by side wordlessly for a while, the silence filled by the rain and hail and occasional crack of thunder overhead. With anyone else, the absence of small talk would leave Jane feeling incredibly uncomfortable but with Maura, it feels normal. Comforting, even, that they can coexist and not have to fill the void with meaningless chatter.
It is Maura that speaks first, her voice weary and hushed enough that Jane strains to hear her over the storm.
"I'm sorry that you felt that you had to avoid me. It's not what I intended. I've missed you terribly."
Jane drains the last of her tea, taking an unnecessary amount of time to place her mug down on the bedside table and lie back, fingers untying and redoing the drawstrings in her waistband just so she has something to keep her hands occupied.
"I know. You kinda took me by surprise, ya know? One minute we're just Jane and Maura doing paperwork and the next we're Jane and Maura kissing in the morgue."
"It wasn't the morgue. We were at my desk."
"I know, I was making a point." Jane interrupts, chuckling lightly in an attempt to thwart the anxiety she can already feel building in her body.
She's pretty sure she'll never forget a single thing about that night. Maura's eyes shining in her dim office, her soft hands on Jane's abdomen. The intoxicating smell of her shampoo and perfume and laundry detergent forever burned into Jane's nostrils and the feel of Maura's warm, delicate lips against her own. Jane's not sure if there is a heaven, but if there is…it's Maura.
"It's been at the forefront of my mind. I find myself thinking how I could have approached you differently, but I've suffered not telling you and I couldn't stand it anymore." Maura crosses her arms over her waist, sighing tiredly as she continues, "And I still can't. I've never felt this strongly for anyone before."
Jane's chest feels like it's being squeezed. Hearing Maura say things like that feels surreal, and Jane struggles to wrap her mind around the words being spoken.
"Have you never considered the possibility that we could be something more? Have you ever thought of me differently? Felt anything more than just camaraderie?"
Yes, yes, a thousand yeses.
"Sometimes." It's the first whisper of admittance and Jane wavers, not daring to say anything else.
"Sometimes?" Maura questions, smoothing the wrinkles out of the comforter underneath her hands.
"Okay, more than sometimes. Maura, I..." Jane sighs, fumbling over her words. Her stomach rolls and when she catches her hands trembling slightly she realizes that she is nervous.
Maura makes her nervous.
"I don't wanna mess up what we have. You're my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I have no intention of leaving."
"Not yet."
"That's very presumptuous of you." Maura huffs, voice tinged with annoyance.
"It's called protecting myself. There have been others before you - do you see them hanging around? No. You've been there for the fallout. You know exactly how I get."
"You're right, I do, and I'm still here. I still feel this way. I meant every word I sa-"
Jane cuts her off more forcefully than she intends, eyes fixed on the ceiling above.
"I know that Maur, I do. But then there is this insistent voice in the back of my mind that's screaming at me that you will. That you'll find out how twisty and complicated I actually am and then you'll be gone, and I'll be nothing."
Maura doesn't speak and so Jane continues, mentally willing her mouth to keep moving.
"I have a past. I have issues. If you look up the definition of damaged goods you'll probably see a mugshot of me right there. I wouldn't even know where to begin, with this. As much as I've been hurt, I've also hurt people and more than anything I am terrified that I'll hurt you too. I can't stand the thought of losing you."
"Everyone has a past, quite literally."
"I know, but...you have no idea." Jane sighs, dropping the ties from her hands and massaging her palms instead.
"Would you like to talk about it?" It's a genuine offer but Jane scoffs, shaking her head.
"No. I mean, eventually, but no. Look, I, uh...I had a really bad relationship when I was a kid. It ruined my life, Maura, and it took so much to put myself back together. I can't let that happen again."
"I won't betray you. You can tell me anything, Jane." Maura is genuine and kind and inviting and Jane feels like she might burst into tears with the sincerity of her words.
"It's difficult. It's especially hard for me to talk about this shit. You're just gonna have to trust me when I tell you it was bad. Bad enough to make me never put my trust in someone again."
Jane feels like her entire body is shaking as she twists onto her side, reaching a hand out to graze her knuckles against Maura's cheek before turning Maura's face towards hers.
"But despite that, despite how scared I am...I don't see a way back from that kiss Maur. I've dreamt about hearing you say the things you said. I've fought to try and distance myself, but I think I'm done fighting. I'm not saying it's gonna be perfect, but I want to try."
She tenses, waiting for the inevitable - for Maura to laugh in her face and shame her and walk away. She's met with silence instead, and she frantically searches Maura's expression for any clue as to what she's thinking, her panic intensifying when she's met with an indecipherable stare.
"Did you not hear me? I want this, Maura. I want you."
Nothing. She knew it. She knew this was just some fucked up game. How could she let herself blindly walk into this trap again?
"Are you sure?"
"Are you?" Jane counters, and then she sees the anxiety and doubt in Maura's face and she's sure that her heart skips a painful beat at the realization that Maura isn't out to hurt her. She looks just as panicked and worried as Jane feels.
"Maura..." Jane breathes, and then stops, afraid she'll babble something stupid instead of what she really means to say.
It's easier to show her.
She leans forward, the tip of her nose brushing against Maura's before she kisses her - hesitant and gentle at first, and then Maura whimpers and hands push at Jane's chest until she's on her back, Maura straddling her waist in a flurry of movement that leaves her dizzy.
"Maura! What are yo-"
Their lips crash together before Jane can finish her question and she groans in surprise, a familiar fire reigniting between her legs. Her hands find Maura's hips and she breaks their kiss, only for Maura to rip off her own sweater and toss it carelessly across the room.
She's seen Maura in less clothing than this before, but when she softly gyrates in Jane's lap, black lace-covered breasts inches from her face, Jane feels like she's seeing Maura for the first time all over again. There is something captivating in the way that the blonde moves against her, leaning into Jane and capturing her lips once more. Hurried kisses turn slow and deep and hungry and when Maura moans into her mouth Jane knows that's she in trouble.
"Maura. Wait."
Fingertips blindly scramble for the hem of her tee and she allows it to be pulled over her head, cold air prickling her skin. The whole room seems to shake with a roar of thunder but she barely hears it - all of her concentration on Maura's hand tracing an invisible line down towards the waistband of her shorts and slipping under the material, fingertips pressing against her insistently.
She's almost certain she can see stars and for a few, uncontrollable seconds she indulges, giving Maura just enough time to feel how desperately wet she is before she flips them over, pinning Maura beneath her.
Long legs wrap around her waist and hands claw at her shoulders, pulling her down until their bodies are flush. Every sense of Jane's feels overwhelmed and she fights to push herself up again, hovering over Maura so she can look at her.
"Maura. Maur."
She tries again, this time leaning on one arm so she can bring the other to Maura's cheek, hoping that if she can at least get Maura's attention she can make herself heard.
"Hey. Look at me."
Maura whines under her in complaint but hazel eyes eventually lock onto her own and they both pause, Jane feeling her cheeks flush at the extremely compromising position they are in.
"This isn't just about sex. Okay? That's not what I meant."
Maura nods and resumes her mission to get Jane on her and in her but Jane grips her jaw lightly, forcing their eyes to meet again.
"Maybe we should slow down a little. I don't want to rush into this. It's not just a one-time thing."
"Jane." Maura whispers her name, too quiet to hear at first and then louder in a moment of frustration, "I know. I know it's not. I need you." Her words are interspersed with breathy pants and Jane brushes a thumb against her parted lips before stroking a hand down her jaw.
She attempts to refocus, wary at the prospect of going any further - of physically crossing the line that separates friends and lovers.
If they do this, there is no going back.
The overwhelming fear of the unknown that is rooted deep within Jane rears its ugly head and she fights to shake it off, mind wildly churning through a thousand different scenarios in her head, each of them ending with her broken and alone.
She is torn, swaying between the urge to just fucking run whilst she can, or to fall into Maura - to everything they could be, if she'd just let it. She scowls at her own destructive train of thought and then her face crumples and she hangs her head, squeezing her eyes shut so she can focus.
She wants this. She wants this so fucking much it hurts. All she has to do is trust, and let go.
"You're overthinking this. It's okay. It's just me. It's me." Maura's words break through the haze and ease her from her worried reverie, her soft reassurances washing over Jane like a cool breeze on a scorching day.
"It's okay," Jane repeats and when Maura leans up to press an open-mouthed kiss to Jane's collarbone, teeth graze skin and she can't think about anything but the woman she's longed for squirming hotly beneath her, full of desire.
Past the point of being patient, Maura struggles under Jane, kicking her slacks down her legs and away leaving her in a matching lingerie set she's very thankful she chose to wear. She grips Jane's wrist and guides her hand to where she needs it most, gasping softly when Jane finally comes to life, fingers parting her flesh and pulsing against her clit languidly. She hooks her underwear to the side and out of the way and Jane glances down between them, pausing only for a moment to curse under her breath.
"Jane," Maura pants, chest heaving between them, "please," she manages before she has to close her eyes, and then she's looking at Jane in a way Jane has only seen once before, eyes hooded with shameless yearning.
"Touch me."
And Jane does, hard and fast until her own release starts to build. She withdraws from Maura, ignoring the cries of protest as she maneuvers Maura's left leg between her own, too frustrated to feel self-conscious when she grinds down roughly against Maura's thigh, breath catching in her throat at the roughness of her shorts pressing against her precisely where she craves it.
She grunts with effort as she moves her hips back and forth, setting a feverish rhythm. Sweat beads on her forehead and she's dangerously close when she thrusts two fingers back into Maura, unable to stop a smirk creeping over her face at the sound of Maura's pleasure.
Jane collapses forward, peppering Maura's bare shoulder with delirious kisses before biting down, grinning at the sharp moan that Maura emits.
She wants to hear that sound forever.
She tries to ignore her own needs, to enjoy Maura contracting around her fingers as she orgasms loud and hard, but when Maura drives her thigh upwards and brings a hand to tangle in Jane's hair, pulling her into a torturously possessive kiss, Jane is too far gone to do anything but grind herself to climax.
Light explodes behind her eyes and she cries out, forehead pressed to Maura's, tongues sliding against each other's as she comes. Her entire body shakes and she slumps down next to Maura, happily unable to form a single coherent thought. They lie intertwined, Jane eventually untangling their limbs and drawing Maura to her until they are spooned together, her stomach resting against Maura's back.
"That was..." Maura starts and then trails off and Jane nuzzles into her neck, kissing the damp skin there.
All she can do is mumble in agreement, locking an arm around Maura's waist.
It was everything she needed, and then some.
She's dreamlessly asleep before she can begin to analyze what just because her next thought is focused on stopping an obnoxious chirping ringtone and then she's aware that it's light out - light enough to mean that she's slept in.
"This is Dr. Isles."
Maura's graveled, morning voice grabs her attention and she lifts her head from the pillow, nearly choking on her tongue at the view when she opens her eyes.
Maura stands facing away from her, one hand holding her cell to her ear, the other raking through an incredible case of bed head. She's still in the black lace bra and matching panties that Jane can vaguely remember from the evening before, but seeing them again in the light of day clinging to Maura's hips makes Jane's mouth go dry.
"I understand. I'll be there shortly. Goodbye."
Maura turns, face etched with alarm.
"Hey...what's wrong?" Jane sits, twisting her wrist to look at her watch.
It's 10:32am. They're both very, very late.
"Oh fuck!" She scrambles to her feet quickly, grasping around for her phone. She counts five missed calls and two strongly-worded text messages before she dials quickly, putting it on loudspeaker. She stalks into the bathroom and drops her phone on the side of the tub, turning on the faucet and splashing cold water onto her face with a gasp.
"You'd better be calling me from a ditch somewhere Rizzoli." Frost picks up on the second ring, his short tone making Jane wince.
"Not exactly."
"Then what?"
Maura joins her at the sink, dampening a washcloth under the running tap and scrubbing it across her face, then squirts toothpaste onto both of their toothbrushes and holds Jane's out, smiling tiredly.
"I had a long night," her eyes don't leave Maura's as she finishes, beaming coyly "caught up on some paperwork. Left my phone on silent."
"Look. I've tried to ignore whatever it is that's going on with you lately, but you can't skip out on work Jane. I've already had to cover you for Korsak twice this month."
"I'm a little late. Gimme a break."
"No. Your head has been out of the game for weeks, and now you can't even show up? Get it together woman."
Jane joins Maura in brushing her teeth, concerned eyes meeting hers in the mirror. She shakes her head, listening to Barry rant a while longer before she spits and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
"I got it. It's fine."
"Cut the bullshit, okay?"
"Quit bitching Frost. Text me the address, I'm on my way."
She grabs her phone as she leaves the bathroom, hanging up before Frost can snap back at her. She knows she's not been the nicest person to be around lately, but she's too late to give a damn. She'll deal with him later.
"How did we sleep in so late?" Jane asks aloud, dragging a comb through her hair with one hand, the other haphazardly applying deodorant.
"My alarm must have reset when the power came back on."
"I told you to set alarms on your phone instead of relying on that relic." Jane gestures towards the bedroom and Maura sighs, taking a small bottle from the sink and shaking it in her direction.
"Well, it hasn't let me down before."
"Until now. You're moisturizing? Are you kidding me? We don't have time!"
"There is always time for sunscreen."
"Maura!" Jane growls exasperatedly but doesn't move, waiting until Maura is finished massaging cream into her face before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the bedroom.
"There is certainly no time for that." Maura laughs lightly and Jane can't help but break into a grin.
"Nice. Now hurry up. I need pants."
They strip and dress in silence then, helping each other get ready. Jane zips Maura into a black, knee-length dress and then turns, shrugging into the navy blazer that Maura holds out for her. She clips her phone to her belt, quickly raking her hair into a messy ponytail as she follows Maura downstairs to the kitchen.
"Coffee?" She suggests hopefully and Maura tuts, leaning against the counter as she slips into a pair of knee-length heeled boots.
"No."
"Ah c'mon. Please?" She zips her own boots up and throws on her coat, pouting in Maura's direction.
"Are you pouting?" Maura removes her car keys from her bag and then pulls a scarf from her coat rack, heel tapping on hardwood impatiently.
"Is it working?" Jane chuckles hoarsely, joining Maura at the front door.
"No." Maura loosely winds the scarf around Jane's neck, smiling to herself, "well, maybe. Just a little."
"A little huh? Anything else that I can do to convince you?"
She doesn't wait for Maura to answer, dipping her head to brush her lips over Maura's softly.
"Oh."
"Oh indeed." Jane kisses her again, a little harder this time, and Maura gulps audibly, leaning into Jane.
"I suppose...we could get some from the coffee shop? My treat?" Maura offers and Jane chuckles, tucking the loose ends of her scarf into her coat and then unlocking the door before holding it open for Maura to pass through.
"You got yourself a deal, Dr. Isles.'