Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: It's rare when the bad guys in a shonen genre story actually try to step their game up early in the conflict. That's because when they do, they tend to become seinin genre… and significantly more awesome. All hail the awesome, for most of its characters aren't idiots.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

With Deidara:

As powerful as his C2 Dragon was, Deidara instantly knew he was outgunned the moment the desert sand erupted from all sides of the hidden village to murder him in an unkind fashion.

"Gonna need something faster to stay away from all that. Mm." Quickly molding more clay in one of his hands, the artist of explosions manifested a new mount in the shape of a falcon. No sooner had he managed to get onto his new ride did he have to move in order to avoid the half a dozen tendrils of coarse grains from spearing him or crushing him or whatever it was they were going to do. Off to his side, the bomber noted that the smaller streams of sand did little to impede his significantly larger dragon from breaking out of their web.

Putting his bigger creation into semiautonomous mode, firing off its massive bombs on occasion to provide support, Deidara focused on evasion.

Up. Down. Spiral. Quick stop before shifting to the side and then dive. The assault of the desert in the sky was relentless.

"Someone's cranky." The bomber grinned as his dragon blew up another one of the larger tendrils that looked like a giant claw. The ones that have definite form are stronger and act as branches and distributors for more appendages, but they can be disrupted by a large enough explosion. The smaller ones don't have the power, but they can act on their own and are more agile and reform faster too. One covers for the other's weakness'. It'll be hard to get any of my art near him let alone hit…

Taking his hands out of his pouches while narrowly dodging another stream of sand, the missing-nin unleashed half a dozen standard flying birds around him and sent them at his target while dodging any obstacles in their way. It was another beautiful aspect of his art that was rarely appreciated by the masses. The fact that he could control them manually, or give them commands of simple to moderate complexity to follow that they could carry with frightening ease made his method of attack frighteningly efficient at times.

Unfortunately his idea to serve as a decoy while his birds closed the gap did not work as well as he had planned. While four of the six bombs did manage to make a good way towards the jinchuriki in one piece, they still failed marvelously as the target's sister, wounded but still capable of ninjutsu, tore the rest of them apart in a blast of wind.

"Tch. So the girl's not out of this yet?" The fellow blond grumbled as he took to higher elevations where there was less sand to deal with, followed somewhat slowly by his dragon which had some chunks taken out of its wings by this point. Deciding to up his game, Deidara forced his supporting mount to make and fire off four mini dragon bombs at once, reducing its worm like tail to a little less than half of its original length by this point. Despite the smaller numbers, each dragon was still vastly stronger, faster, and tougher than his C1 bombs. He should be able to get something useful from this…

Pointless. While only one of the projectiles failed to get even remotely close to their targets, the remaining three were still torn apart by the half dead female support. The remains of the once dragons exploded moments later at a distance that did nothing but give the spectators something to look at.

"How annoying. I can't even examine the Jinchuriki's so called "ultimate defense" like this. To take out the girl is to take out the target at this range. Things will go against me if this keeps up. Mm." Higher and higher he climbed, just barely avoiding the faster strands of sand after his life in the process to the point that he was almost at the same height as the clouds.

Well then. If C1 and C2 can't get through their combo C3 will have to do the job.

Leveling himself out as the bulk of the enemy's sand had refrained from following him, Deidara allowed himself to sigh in relief for the break and took out his most destructive piece of work that he had prepared beforehand. His previous works were powerful, but one couldn't be too careful when dealing with a Biju after all.

Looking down back at the earth, the blond man saw his target clearly with the scope on his left eye staring back at him directly with inhuman focus. While the air between them was littered with random flying grains of sand, altering the color of what he saw, it did little to impair the image below. The red headed teen was crossing his arms and had an interesting appearance with his skin covered in dark blue markings and an almost scaled like tail coming from his rear.

"Looks like you have more control over your beast than they said." The bomber smirked as he tossed his latest work in front of him and triggered its transformation, causing it to grow till it was the size of a small building and unleash its two warped angel like wings. "Even so, I doubt it's enough to deal with my strongest art so easily."

His C3 bomb was his most destructive work of art as its size could easily prove as evidence, and easily capable of destroying at least a good portion of the hidden village below. It was an exceptionally powerful explosive whose image would be burned into the minds and eyes of all who saw it before, during, and if they were lucky, after it exploded. Such a marvelous and grand piece could not be disregarded by anyone or simply blown away. The smaller streams of sand that had constantly harassed him throughout the fight were all but useless to stop its decent, and the larger limbs of coarse material were far too slow to intercept it before it was in range to do considerable damage.

The Kazekage seemed to be well aware of it as the moment he saw the bomb he uncrossed his arms and thrust them up, causing a massive pillar of sand to erupt from the village right to the white bringer of death.

A little over a thousand feet in the air the two forces collided without restraint, instantly setting off the shinobi equivalent of a nuke in the sky and blinding everyone watching. Instants later the resulting shockwave hammered everyone in the vicinity, shattering windows, and blowing away those unfortunate enough to be too close to the point of detonation.

Among all the techniques created by shinobi over the years exceptionally few would ever possess such raw destructive power, especially from a single individual unaided by a biju.

Despite this though, the damage done overall had been surprisingly superficial.

It had been the flaw of Deidara's retreat to such a high elevation. While it did give him the time to prepare such a devastating attack in the first place, it also enabled Gaara to prepare an adequate counter, which in itself had been simple. The faster he could set off the bomb in the sky, the less damage the village would take overall and the less of a need to create a massive chakra draining shield.

However Deidara was well aware of this possibility. He had been counting on it after all.

"Not bad…" The bomber smirked as he made the half ram seal. "Now let's finally see how good your defense is as good as everyone says."

Through the tremendous amount of dust and debris that was kicked up from the explosion, several pale birds emerged, diving towards the Kazekage and his sister from various angles and sides, all but ensuring that they could not all be taken out by Temari's ninjutsu before they reached their marks. In fact, by the time the partially blinded pair had finally noticed that they were being attacked, it was far too late for the girl to do anything.

But it was more than enough time for Gaara's personal stash of sand to react.

Far faster than what it could do in the previous timeline or even earlier in this one, the blood soaked sand erupted from the redhead's gourd on his back and shielded both its owner and his sibling in a shell of near impenetrable stone. One by one the bombs rapidly impacted the shield with no effect whatsoever until all of the suicide avian had performed their duty with virtually nothing to show for it at all…

And then the C2 Dragon fell from the sky like corrupted omen and collided with the shell, exploding with enough power to stun everyone in the area.

Lowing in elevation slowly, Deidara smirked in accomplishment. It had taken more of his resources than he had liked, but he finally got a good blow in and got some info on his target's abilities.

When he dropped his C3, there had been a significant drop in all of the other sand's movements, meaning that there was a certain amount of concentration needed to get them to do much, either that or there was a certain range that he could control the small stones efficiently. He had guessed as much when he climbed up higher and noted the reduction in how often he was attacked until even the faster sand left him alone. With the cover that his C3 had given him, he had gone on the offensive and probe some more.

The salvo of C1 bombs were to see just how fast the Kazekage's defense was and if he was lucky, take out the sister. Having known that the teen normally had a layer of sand on his skin at all times as a secondary defense, the bomber was confident that the attack wouldn't kill his target. They were also used to see how well the other masses of sand would react should its master be assaulted by a sudden unknown force inside their range. Much to the bomber's interest, he noted that they did little if anything.

Setting off his C2 dragon on the other hand was a bit more risky as he could accidentally kill his target by doing so and it took away his heavy support, but he needed to keep his attack ongoing and hard. Besides, the kid was a Kazekage with a biju in him. The least his supposed "Ultimate Defense" could do was enable him to survive an attack like that.

The sand that protected him was apparently special. It all came from that gourd on his back. Odds are it's at least stronger than the stuff attacking me. Probably faster too, but he saves it for defending. Not that it did him much good in the end…

Feeling confident that he at least managed to get some damage in, the Akatsuki increased his decent, ignoring all the dust and grit that had been kicked up into the air from his series of massively destructive techniques. Much to his anticipation, none of the massive limbs of sand in the air collapsed, meaning that his target was indeed still alive and conscious, but unmoving meaning that something had interrupted his concentration.

"He's tough. I'll give him that much." Deidara mused as he got close enough to see Gaara's and Temari's wounded figures in the shattered dome of sand, the latter being unconscious or dead and the former panting heavily and looking up at him with anger.

"I… will not let you win." The teen panted with frustration as he picked himself up with effort. Stretching his arm out, the Kazekage commanded the nearest giant limb towards his enemy, attempting to crush him in its twisted grasp…

… Only for it to fall apart as a mini dragon bomb dove from the sky and detonate on it.

"You didn't think I wouldn't make myself some spare support bombs before I used my C2 on you did you?" The terrorist snorted as he made the half ram seal and two more dragons charged from the heavens towards the jinchuriki…

… And were subsequently smashed to bits as the dozens of streams of sand that had been lingering in the air moved at once and assaulted them before they could even come close.

The previously strained looking Kazekage's color suddenly turned to dirt brown and collapsed into sand along with his sister. Moments later the platform and the shattered shell itself seemed to reform and move, revealing a perfectly unmarred shell of sand underneath that opened up to reveal the unharmed jinchuriki and the still fairly injured Temari.

"No. I didn't."

"Shit." Deidara swore as he realized he had been tricked. Apparently the Kazekage's defense was as strong as rumors said. He didn't see a hint of a scratch on the boy. Due to his aerial view, he didn't see the real unharmed shell hidden under the fake one until it was too late.

Flapping the wings of his bird hard, Deidara focused completely on evasion and narrowly managed to prevent half a dozen streams of sand from impaling him. A brief look up all but showed him that he would be hard pressed to retreat in the same way again as more than several tons of sand had manifested themselves above him without his knowing.

Left. Right. Dive. Spiral. Fake climb before shuffling to the right. The bomber was put completely on the defensive. Each dodge was more harrowing than the last. Each attack was getting faster. His mount had been torn to some degree at least half a dozen times by now. It was if the Kazekage had been playing with him the entire time and was now making his sand attack at higher speeds than before…

"Wait…" The blonde's eyes narrowed in confusion before it widened in realization and looked around at the dust saturated air. "Cunning little bastard. He set me up."

Gazing down upon his person and his mount, Deidara finally saw the grains of sand that had stuck onto his clothing and his mount, coating them in a faint brown dust that was barely noticeable unless one actually looked at himself…

And gradually slowing down their movements the more they flew in the airspace above Suna.

Barely dodging another faster small stream of sand that cut into his mount's underside, the Akatuski clicked his teeth in irritation. "This is getting annoying. I can't get a break against this guy. Mmm." He turned his attention to Gaara and put his hands in his pouches. "I guess it's time to change tactics… what the?!"

Before the terrorist could do anything to react, his entire body was ripped off of his mount by the sand that had stuck to his clothing over time, leaving him helpless in the air without support as rivers of sand collided into him from angles with crushing force. Not stopping there, the streams of stone then wrapped upon themselves at that focal point countless times forming a giant ball several meters in diameter… and instantly condensed upon itself.

Only to explode moments later.

"Behind!" Temari shouted sternly as she swung her fan to blow away and tear apart the sand covered mount that had been abandoned earlier. As like the other explosives that she had deflected, this bird too was blown away without much issue. "That fucking coward! Where is he?!"

Gaara didn't say anything as he focused on the sand under his control. Having used Naruto's Seventh Sense as inspiration, he had developed a similar sensory technique using the sand he was currently using, albeit he could only use it for short periods of time unlike the perpetual cloud of chakra that his friend possessed. As such it only took him moments to discover his target moving for one of the last places he would expect.

The village below.

"Close." Deidara sighed as he flew on yet another clay bird to the village below. It had been a risky move, but he had hidden himself inside his previous mount and used a clay clone by proxy before he went down to pick up the jinchuriki. He had suspected that something was amiss, but not for things to turn against him to that extent. When his clone was ripped off of its mount, Deidara had maneuvered the bird to an angle that no one was looking at and made his escape before using the slower bird to provide a weak suppressive fire.

The Akatsuki couldn't help but shiver lightly as he looked up at the sky, the countless tendrils of sand of varying sizes extending like twisted veins. The target's strength and advantage here was way beyond what had been estimated. It was if the entire world around him had been warped and set to kill him.

And the boy he had been set to capture was its god.

"What a scary monster he is. The power of a biju sure is something. Mm." The bomber grinned as he sped through the now crowded streets of Suna. If this monster really was protecting this place though, he'd be hard pressed to get Deidara without harming the villagers now. Of course there was the risk of being intercepted by one of the shinobi here if they were lucky, but it was better that then dealing with all the countless tendrils coming from all sides in the sky.

And while Gaara was restricted in what he could do inside the village, Deidara had none at all.

o. o. o.

With Sasori:

Sparks flew relentlessly as Sasori's and Chiyo's puppets clashed without pause, birthing a symphony of metal on metal that would not be matched anywhere else regardless of how hard people could try.

Both the puppets and the masters were nothing but blurs as one side tried to outdo the other in their craft of death. Neither side faltered. Neither side blinked. Neither side relented.

Shikamaru swallowed as he watched the spectacle display itself in front of him. He still had trouble believing that the old woman in front of him could move so quickly and so easily, and yet here she was clashing with her grandson with greater results than entire battalions of shinobi before her.

It wasn't that the shadow user didn't pay attention to what Sakura had told him when she recalled her old fight with Sasori. He did of course seeing as it had to do with Akatsuki. It was simply that he had yet to see someone with such a frail and old body perform with such blinding speed and skill. Even the third Hokage held a degree of power in his grandfather like image with his thick tan skin and missable scars on his face and hands.

To his side he noticed Kankuro watching the fight fiercely. It was small wonder really. He was after all watching the two greatest masters of his craft duke it out right in front of him. If the situation wasn't so dire, Shikamaru wouldn't put it past the brother of his girlfriend to start drooling and gush over such a thing happening.

Attempting to intervene at the moment would be suicidal. Chiyo was good, but she wouldn't be able protect him if he intervened now. Her job was to deplete Sasori of as many traps and puppets as possible. The more she got rid of, the less resources Sasori would have, and the less he and Kankuro would have to deal with when they stepped in again.

And both of them needed to be at their best to ensure that they took out the rogue puppeteer before things got out of hand.

"Impressive." Sasori mused as the two sides retreated momentarily to reveal that their weapons had been chipped, shattered, and pretty much wrecked beyond repair. "It seems you haven't let your skills fade with the years I've been gone."

"I'm not croaking till I spank that ungrateful rear of yours across the Land of Wind Sasori." The old woman snorted as her left ring and her right thumbs twitched. In response her Mother and Father puppets dropped their useless weapons and rearmed themselves with identical copies that were apparently hidden inside the cloaks they wore.

"I see. Well then, I will have to disappoint you once again Chiyo-baa." The redhead's left middle and pinkie fingers moved and forced the former Kazekage to thrust out its right arm, its limb breaking open like a flower to reveal seals on the inside. An instant later, countless puppet arms erupted from the limb like a twisted tree branch heading straight towards the old woman with the speed of a cannonball…

"Humph. And they call me senile." The elderly woman snorted as she jumped up into the sky and made her arms blur in motion.

Spiraling in the air alongside their controller, the married puppets clapped their free hands with the other's and separated to reveal thick strong wires linking them together.

By the time the warped branch of wooden limbs and hands reached where the old woman was, they had already missed their target woefully with said target standing near the end. Chiyo's wrinkled feet had barely touched the wood before she had moved again, quickly running up its length while her conjoined puppets wound around the path ahead of her, using the cord between them to tear apart the construct every time they crossed paths.

Sasori clicked his fake teeth in mild irritation. The old woman did make things more difficult for herself by having to jump from destroyed section to section. She also had the foresight to assume that he had rigged the limbs that she was walking on. Because she tore off the sections before she got on them, he couldn't set off the bombs, poison fumes, mechanical hands, or other traps that he had in there in time to catch her.

Deciding to cut his losses, the Akatsuki set off the remaining gas traps in the arm that had not been destroyed by his grandmother. An instant later, he then dislodged his puppet from the construct entirely. Attempting to keep his prized puppet there any longer would have risked it getting attacked in a difficult to defend position.

Much to his ire though, Chiyo did not stop at the lethal thick purple gas cloud that had erupted in front of her and instead charged right through it. Using the Mother's chakra shield to protect her and the Father as a vanguard, the old woman's charge would have been only moderate difficult to stop…

Had he not noticed a black shadow charging towards him from the side…

Jumping up and to the side to stand on the side of the gap of Suna's walls, Sasori still masterfully manipulated the former Kage's counterassault on his Grandmother as she emerged from the other side of the poison cloud while momentarily turning his gaze upon the interloper. The very brief meeting of eyes was enough for both to read one another's thoughts and understand that they would at the least try very hard to be the other's death.

And then the Akatsuki had once again turned to the more immediate threat in the form of an old woman half his size as she jumped to the other side of the pathway's wall armed with his first two puppets.

Quickly triggering some seals to restock his puppet with weapons, the criminal once more clashed with Chiyo. However, this time due to the annoying Nara trying to catch him once again, he was forced to keep on moving up the wall prompting the woman to do the same. Only in this case he commanded his puppet to grab the wall with one hand, attack the Father puppet with the other, and then he used the chakra strings to relocate himself to a more appropriate position higher up before going again on the attack.

It spoke greatly of how skilled the two puppetmasters were as they took their battle straight up the colossal cliff like structure while continuing to hammer one another's puppets without pause. The sparks caused from the clashes illuminated more and more of the passage as they gained elevation, and in turn cast increasingly warped and bizarre shadows along its entire sandstone length.

Sasori on the other hand was merely irritated by the progression of how the fight was going. While his human puppets were quite powerful, the more esoteric abilities they possessed required a degree of concentration in order to use. Their powers were not simple traps and tricks that could be triggered with the twitch of a finger. They were pure chakra based abilities being controlled from an outside source. Even with practice, they required a good deal of chakra and focus to use.

Then again, it wasn't like they would keep on going up forever.

Soon enough, grandmother and grandson had reached the top of the walls of Suna without having managed to land a single blow on one another and landed on either side of the gap they had just come up through…

And moments later the sky went white as Deidara's C3 went off in the heavens, forcing everyone there to focus on staying on the wall lest the aftershock blow them and their puppets away.

"He's annoying, but at least he's reliable enough when it comes to distractions." The younger puppeteer muttered as he took the opening to focus his chakra and make seals. Looking up at the sky briefly, he noted the vein like configuration of sand that had encapsulated the village and the descending pale bird in the distance. Even he had to admit that the jinchuriki appeared to be stronger than anticipated. As much as he disliked Deidara, he hated making people wait more and it was clear that his partner needed help right now. It was the principle of the thing more than anything else at this point. "It was a mistake of the Nara to force us up here Chiyo-baa. We're too far away for him to get in the way now…"

Quickly finishing the seals needed to activate his favorite puppet's abilities, Sasori channeled his chakra with a confident smirk. Now that the iron sand of the third Kazekage was active, he had effectively won. The Iron Sand was a natural counter towards any other puppet user he could encounter, and while Nara in general were crafty, they lacked the power and jutsu to make a difference in this situation.

The old woman in front of him seemed to realize that she was in trouble as she instantly sent her two puppets forward in a pincer formation in an attempt to interrupt her grandson before he could attack.

"Farewell." Sasori twitched his fingers as the metal particles shot out of his puppets mouth and hammered the area where the old woman stood with bullets that shattered the section of the wall she was on…

And yet the redhead still had to retract his prized possession and counter the oncoming Mother and Father puppets, which had not stopped their assault in the slightest.

"Damn old woman just won't die." The Akatsuki grunted as the third Kazekage gathered great amounts of iron sand to both its arms and speared themselves out in two walls of death. The fast counter to the pincer attack proved more than enough to force away the oncoming puppets back to their side of the gap, their mere high quality disposable tools proving to be no match against the chakra infused metal.

Before anything else could be done however, a second large explosion was heard in the distance moments later. While it was nowhere near as potent as the first one, it was strong enough to kick up a strong wind and blast away the dust that had hidden the old woman…

And reveal that her right arm had split into two parts. The first one held her hand and fingers, which seemed to still control the Mother puppet connected to its fingers. The second one was roughly a third of its width and size, and was pointing forward and displaying its built in Chakra Shield.

"Oh?" The younger of the two mused as he ignored the sky above him once more writhe and move as a single entity. "You converted your arm into a puppet's… great minds think alike."

The old woman frowned as the chakra shield in her arm began to malfunction due to the iron sand that interrupted the chakra she sent into it. The part that controlled her puppet on the other hand seemed to work just fine however… probably due to the odd skin like material that covered all the joints. "You always were mouthy when you were confident you got away with something Sasori. Why not just scream to everyone in the village that you messed with your body while you're at it?"

The grandson allowed himself to chuckle briefly in amusement before he began to focus once more. "Because it's pointless. Anyone who fights me here will die before forcing me to use "myself". Regardless of what they know, it won't help them…" With a twitch of his fingers, the spikes on the third Kazekage's arms shattered and reformed into ryo sized projectiles. Dozens if not hundreds of metal bullets hovered over the puppet. "Much like yourself."

Before the iron could make its way to the old woman however, the entire gap between them spawned a massive black wall, darker than the night sky itself, and blocked the assault with ease.

"Troublesome." A familiar voice sighed as its owner walked from the darkness onto the stone towards the old woman as if taking a leisurely stroll. "You really picked one annoying place to take this fight old lady."

"What does that say about you? Having trouble keeping up with someone my age. Young people today are so lazy. No wonder you're all so dependent on us poor old folks." The grandmother snorted mockingly. "Where's the other lazy good for nothing?"

As if on cue, the ground behind her exploded, revealing Kankuro riding on top of Sanshou. "I don't care what you say, I am NEVER travelling through that guy's shadows ever again. Once was enough thank you very much."

"And you wonder why you get so much flack from everyone." The Nara snorted as the black wall receded until it meshed perfectly with the tops of both parts of the sandstone cliff, exposing Sasori's somewhat annoyed self on the other side and a great deal more black metal than moments earlier. "So that's the hailed iron sand huh?"

"As interested as I am in your abilities, I'm afraid you are more annoying than anything else at this point Nara." Sasori glared as he gave his puppet wings of tainted metal and formed large spikes overhead and launched them at his targets at speeds that instantly broke the sound barrier…

… Only to collide with another barrier of darkness spawning from the darkness and take the oncoming missiles with unnatural ease.

"Annoying huh?" The Black Deer sighed as if talking about the weather, indicating that his latest maneuver didn't drain him of much chakra. "Must be another bad trait I got from that troublesome woman."

"Show off." Kankuro grumbled irritably, but clearly not surprised by his comrade's ability to block Sasori's attack.

"You had your turn." The Nara brushed away Kankuro's jibe like a fly without looking away from Sasori. "Just stay far enough so that the Kazekage's technique can't affect your puppets. The old lady and I'll take care of things for you."

"Is that right?" The puppetman grunted, clearly not appreciating being addressed in such a careless manner. He had been insulted countless times before, obviously, but rarely had he been treated as only a minor threat. If bullets and spears would not pierce the wall of shadows, then he would simply have to try something with more power. Within moments a giant pyramid and block of poisoned iron materialized above him while large claws of the same material reformed on its creator. "Well then by all means, go right ahead."

The block came first, moving faster than anything that size should have a right to and hammered the area where the three shinobi were standing, shattering the ramparts in the process. Sasori did not give the destruction or the lack of a barrier this time a moment's notice however, as his arms and fingers were already blurring in motion, commanding his puppet to attack and counter the Mother and Father automations that had yet to stop moving.

"What is that old bat thinking?" Sasori mused as the two forces clashed with blinding speed in mid air, ignorant of the parts of the cliff falling hundreds of feet to the ground. Soon enough he could feel the iron sand under his control begin to invade the opponent's tools. "She knows what I can do… ah, I see."

Without looking, the Akatsuki rushed forward, just barely avoiding being caught by the long shadow tendrils behind him that had formed from a line that spanned the area behind him. Without letting up on his assault, Sasori continued on straight towards the gap and launched the pyramid forward. If it hit anyone, good. If it didn't, it would simply strike the block and kill everyone nearby anyways.

What he didn't expect as for a giant black buck's head to rear from the accursed gap and knock it away with its massive horns. As if that wasn't the end of it, the horns themselves then began shoot out like tendrils and attempted to spear both the former Kazekage and its controller.

Grunting in irritation, Sasori moved both himself and his prized tool expertly through the oncoming jungle of shadows, jumping on each protrusion in order to avoid the next dozen. As if reading its controller's mind, the Kazekage puppet's chest opened up to reveal a device that suddenly poured out waves of chakra, and moments later a floating platform of iron not unlike the one Gaara used manifested underneath Sasori's feet. "I've had enough of this."

The two massive iron shapes in the area shot up into the sky above the deer head and collided with one another with tremendous force.

"Satsetsu Kaihou (Iron Sand World Method)." The puppeteer activated the technique with a gleam of murderous satisfaction in his fake eyes. Where the blocks collided, giant branches of metal speared out in all directions violently and indiscriminately. Even the giant black horn spears of the black and white deer head were penetrated with unnatural ease as the orb of protrusions continued outward without stop.

… Or at least until the darkness in the cliffs began to move once more.

"Furuijutsu. Ko Sekai Kiritsu (Ancient Art: Old World Order)."

o. o. o.

Despite the terrible position he was in, Deidara couldn't help but laugh like a child in a candy store as he tore through the streets of Suna, unloading countless numbers of his tiny grasshopper like bombs throughout the city without restraint. He was enjoying himself so much that he had almost forgotten that several dozen streams of sand were after his blood and he had to focus to avoid the giant pillars of stone that occasionally shot up from the streets to stop him.

The rush. The thrill. The chase. It was almost as if he was back in Iwa again running from the old fart Onoki. How long had it been since he simply just cut loose and tried to unleash as many bombs as possible instead of being precise? True the minor bombs were really just to distract the local populace so they don't get in the way, but still it was the little things that made a person's day sometimes… metaphorically speaking.

Several large balls of sand flew in front of him and exploded into giant clouds that blocked his path. Knowing that he was unable to get away in time, the Akatsuki sunk into his bird just as it tore through the cloud and was shredded apart by the course materials. Just as the remains shot out the other side where more sand laid in waiting, Deidara jumped out of the useless creation, created a new mount, switched to it, and managed to get out of immediate danger just as his previous ride was crushed and subsequently exploded.

"Oi oi! Come on! Tell me you can do better than that!" The bomber laughed loudly as he weaved away to avoid another fast moving tendril of sand.

This isn't good. I can't get to him like this. He thought to himself. I have a little over half my chakra left, but I don't have any time to prepare anything decent like this. Getting away in this situation will be tough, let alone catching this guy alive…

A quick pulse of chakra set off a good number of the bombs he let lose in the city, causing a good deal of screaming to be heard. That would be enough to force a good part of the local forces to be on medic duty and damage control.

It would be convenient if I could hold the village hostage, he is the Kazekage after all… how to buy enough time to pull it off is the real trick…

Turning to the side to barely pass through two more pillars, Deidara formulated a plan. It would all but wipe out his chakra reserves, but the way things were going now it wasn't like he had much else that could work. Judging from the glares of death his target was giving, he didn't have much time left before something overboard might be used on him.

Constantly chewing and molding his clay with both his hands, the bomber was constantly at work either spawning large numbers of small bombs or making more mounts as they were constantly being torn apart by the attacking sand or the few locals that managed to get a lucky shot off of him. Bomb after bomb went off in the city until it was more than clear that regardless of who won there would be a great deal of repairs to be done.

Again and again Deidara managed to avoid capture by the skin of his teeth with the aid of his absurd jutsu while terrorizing the local populace, going through the village several times before the local populace's interference grew too much and he finally once more took to the sand infested skies where he focused completely on avoiding the megatons of sand that lay in waiting there…

He didn't even last two minutes before he was assaulted by all sides and crushed…

Only this time when the mount exploded, there was no body…

A massive commotion down in the village caught everyone's attention in time for them to see a massive clay blob grow and crush one of the buildings in the village, gaining size and definition until it was apparent to be a giant copy of the intruder himself. Moments later, another pale bird flew into the air above the bomb with its creator standing confidently on it.

"Fuck!" Temari swore, instantly understanding what had happened. While the man had been running through the village and making chaos, he had at some point replaced himself with a clone and escaped into the smoke, giving him enough time to make this new monstrosity. Worse yet was that it was right on top of the village, threatening pretty much everyone below with its very existence.

Gaara on the other hand merely growled murderously, causing the air and the sand all over to ripple with his killing intent and presence. He knew very well what this bomb was and what it could do… and unfortunately he also knew that it was one of two techniques Deidara could use that Gaara could not stop from harming others. He had been hoping to either drive off or kill the blond man before he would even consider using this weapon, however it seems he failed miserably. The Akatsuki was far more cunning and slippery than he had remembered, and that was saying a lot.

"Judging by the killing intent you're giving off, you already know what comes next." The youngest member of Akatsuki grinned confidently as he flew casually to his target. "Give up now, or you'll be the Kazekage of a village of corpses."

"Gaara! Don't even consider it!" Temari shouted at her brother.

"Shut up girl. You have no say in the matter." The male blond snapped, panting a bit. Clearly this latest creation took a good bit of chakra out of him. "You should be honored that I am using my C4 for the first time here! I was saving this beauty for a special occasion… although showing everyone the magnificence of my greatest art in a hidden village is rather tempting… the hidden village with no shinobi. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it?"

"I will make you Shukaku's toy to play with and scream until the end of time if you harm anymore of my people." The redhead's eyes flashed yellow momentarily and the sand everywhere twitched.

"Careful." Deidara grinned with two fingers extended in front of his face. "Using words like that can make me awfully twitchy. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I want to see my masterpiece waste this village to show the world my greatness. Better make your decision soon jinchuriki. Whenever I'm this close to achieving new works of art, I get excited."

"Gaara. Please. You're more to us than just Shukaku. You're our Kazekage." Temari winced as her wounds began to act up. "The people love you."

"Fuck the masses and kill the little shit already!" Shukaku roared irritably, still on a battle high and eager for blood.

The Kazekage didn't say anything as his eyes jumped between the large clouds of smoke that rose from his city where earlier bombs had gone off, to the massive battle of twisted black figures on the wall, to the bomb in the form of the bomber to the creator itself… back to the village.

"Temari… it's because I'm the Kazekage that I…"

A gentle breeze of wind pushed against his back, causing him to stop in mid sentence.

"… You have no distractions."

"Oi! What's it gonna be ya sand rat?! You or the cannon fodder?!" Deidara shouted somewhat annoyed. While he wasn't as bad as Sasori, the man was a bit on the impatient side when he was forced to wait on something simple.

He was not however, expecting his target to start laughing though.

"G-Gaara?" Temari momentarily backed up as she heard her brother laugh with his head bowed…

Gaara had not laughed with all his might since he was younger… and insane.

"Heh. Hehehahahahaha…" The dry chuckle emerged from the redhead's mouth as if hearing a funny joke after not talking or drinking for a week.

A second later his head rose up to reveal his eyes with the cross shaped pupils and dots that were found in his tenant's head.

"Die."

Whatever feelings the people of Suna had associated with their Kazekage or the biju within him had instantly redefined them tenfold as the desert was flooded with flooded with Gaara's presence. There was no sky. There was no land. There were no people. There was no hidden village. There was only the desert truly coming to life, rising like a reverse waterfall to crush anything in its path like the force of nature it was.

Despite all logic that should have said that there was only a set amount of sand in the village to keep things clean, Gaara somehow managed to double the amount available to him from just inside the village. Wave after wave of miniscule stones manifested from the unseen alleyways between buildings and flew towards the human shaped bomb with discrimination much to its creator's shock.

"What the hell?!" The Akatsuki swore in surprise as he barely managed to get out of the way of the oncoming assault. It wasn't that he was disappointed that he didn't have to set off his bomb… actually he was contemplating doing it anyways after ensuring that the Kazekage was knocked out. No what he was shocked at was the drastic increase in ferocity that his target was going after him with and the overwhelming unnatural feeling he was getting in the process.

He hadn't experienced something as messed up as this since he got caught in one of Itachi's stronger genjutsu… or when he first saw Pain in action…

That was it. There was no way he could capture the target like this. Either Sasori got off his artificial ass to help, Pain would have to get Itachi and Kisame to get the brat, or they'd try again when the runt wasn't in the middle of his damn element. Even the old fart Onoki wouldn't be this much of a pain to fight in the middle of his home turf. "Fine! If that's the way you want to play it then that's how we're going to play! Enjoy being the leader of a dead village! Katsu!"

The humanoid bomb, still somehow unruptured from the unrelenting assault instantly began to swell to massive proportions before one spear of stone too many caused it to pop and fall apart.

Deidara however was not paying attention to his bomb as he frantically attempted to flee from the assaulting claws and streams of sand from all sides, rushing towards Sasori as fast as he could. Despite his best efforts, he was frequently being forced to change rides every few seconds due to the sheer amount of oppressive force he was encountering.

Every wall he encountered required a handmade mini dragon bomb in order to open up. A cloud of sand required him to hide in his mount then jump out of as soon as he made it out the other side and make a new bird. Assaulting claws and streams could be dodged for the most part, but if he encountered too many he would either have to use more bombs to destroy the attacking limbs or once more make a new ride. The man would have sworn that he had jumped half the distance to the edge of Suna if he had the breath to say anything at the moment.

The speed at which Deidara was producing his sculptures was only matched by the rate at which he was being attacked by the desert. One could almost say that the display between the predator and the prey at that moment was not unlike a work of art in itself when it came to how fast the two sides moved…

"I think I might have pissed this guy off a bit too much. Mmm." The youngest member of Akatsuki chuckled weakly as he attempted to regain his breath and sped towards Sasori. Between making his C4 and his frantic attempts to stay alive, he was far lower on chakra than he would have liked…

A flash of light coming from where Sasori was caught the blonde's attention and caused him to frown. "Oi oi. Don't tell me you're in trouble too Sasori-danna. If you actually need help getting out of here you're gonna be shit out of luck…"

o. o. o.

Whatever Sasori had been expecting when he had been told to go to Suna, this was certainly not been it.

Spike for spike. Bullet for bullet. Blade for blade. Whatever his prized puppet had formed out of enhanced and poisoned iron sand was being countered almost perfectly by the black substance under the Nara's control, spawning from that infernal gap in the cliffs…

… Or what was left of the gap anyways. By this point, the once narrow slit in the massive wall was more like a gaping hole with a small narrow gap in the bottom. This was thanks to his Iron Sand World Method taking out nearly half of the stone around it and opening up a part of the normal sand ramparts the junchuriki had made earlier.

Since then however, the Akatsuki had been busy attempting to hold back the Nara's increasingly annoying technique, which produced what appeared to be solid shadows preventing his iron sand from getting closer to him…

… And an army of pitch black bucks with white eyes and markings the size of small dogs that were constantly running up his iron sand, jumping all over the place like fleas, or shooting the tips of their antlers at him.

"As if I didn't need any more evidence that he's the Black Deer of Konoha." The Puppetmaster growled from his perch, adjusting the iron sand around him to protect him from another slew of shadow bullets. The most annoying part about the things was the fact that they were a lot like Deidara's grasshopper bombs. They were tiny and kept on jumping everywhere. If he had the time to focus, he could easily have sprayed them with a few hundred iron senbon or crush them from the outside in much like Shukaku's previous containers…

But he had to also focus on his damn grandmother who was busy doing a wonderful job distracting him with his old tools and running interference, causing him to move his platform rather frequently in order to avoid getting hit. Due to his attention being split he was having trouble hitting them with any of his own sand as she was protected by the shadow wall and thus allowing her to move her puppets anywhere she pleased.

Retreating was unthinkable, and moving forward would just make him get in the way of his own attacks…

"This is why I hate humans." The Puppet grumbled as a few twitches of his fingers made his puppet drop several large round balls just before he attempted in futility to arc his iron spikes around the black wall, only for the wall to curve with the spikes and deny him. "They just don't give up even with their flaws… how annoying."

The bombs of lethal gas erupted, emitting a purple haze everywhere in the battlefield that would no doubt kill anyone who breathed it in. Sasori of course was immune to it due to not having lungs, but that was the point. None of his opponents would ever assume that he'd do something like this. Unless one them was unusually proficient in wind ninjutsu, he highly doubted that all of them would be able to escape…

Which is why he was mildly shocked when a gust of what could only be described as black air erupted from below and blew away virtually all of the gas in an instant.

"… He can manifest gas from his shadows as well as solids and create a fabricated wind? That's certainly a versatile jutsu he has…" The Akatsuki mused in curiosity and minor anger as he was momentarily distracted by the black dots flying up in his line of sight. "… So that's how he dealt with my poison earlier."

His gaze then turned to the deer that seemed to plague him and noticed that several were beginning to fade out of sight by themselves. "It seems as if that it drains his chakra rather quickly though. Pity."

Knowing now that the Nara would lose a battle of attrition, Sasori revitalized his assault on the other side of the wall, firing off spears and massive geometric shapes in the direction that the old woman and the brother of the current Kazekage stood. The assault hammered the massive black wall with horrifying force that echoed for miles around and would have gained everyone in Suna's attention had they not been focused on the explosions happening IN their village at the same time.

Little by little Sasori began to see progress as the black wall began to give way and he was forced to dodge the assaulting mini deer with less frequency.

Soon. Very soon he would kill these three and get back to his main job. He would take their bodies as well. The Nara's jutsu was useful and he had no doubt that the two other puppeteers there would have souvenirs that would provide useful for his research.

In a massive spray of iron grains, he finally took out the Mother and Father puppets with satisfaction, watching for longer than was needed to see them freeze with their remaining intact joints jam and render them useless.

Another large black pyramid was the final straw that shattered the unnaturally powerful barrier, forcing it to disintegrate into oblivion once penetrated and revealing the unnerved and virtually defenseless Kankuro, Shikamaru, and Chiyo.

"You put up a good fight I'll give you that much." Sasori stated evenly as he pulled back his puppet and formed thousands of metal bullets above and around his targets. "However I've run out of patience…"

Not bothering to hold back this time, the iron bullets instantly went from zero to Mach 3 in an instant, utterly shattering yet even more of the ramparts that surrounded the village and causing more boulders to collide with the buildings below.

Not taking anything for granted, the iron sand there then spiraled to create an artificial wind to blow away all the dust and debris… to reveal the broken and beaten bodies of his targets among the rubble… or at least the puppets that were disguised as them…

Moments later he froze as an unnaturally oppressive feeling echoed everywhere there was sand, as if the desert itself had just become extraordinarily enraged for the first time in millennia. Such sensations he had not experienced the like of since Pain of all people…

It was then however… that Sasori realized that he really couldn't move.

"Got him."

A thread thin black shadow that had connected to the bottom of Sasori's floating platform to the wall below widened in an instant and yanked both the surprised puppeteer and his tool down at remorseless speeds that did not stop when he impacted the cliff.

The puppetman despite not being human still had to overcome his momentary shock as he attempted to get back up. He can utilize his clan's trademark jutsu through the air at such distances… of course he can. I should have anticipated that when he first started making his shadows move. Regardless, he won't be able to hold me for long. I can still use the Third's Iron Sand to some extent like this, but how did they get behind… ah…

Sasori realized his mistake. The large shadows that attempted to ensnare him from behind earlier and forced him to the air weren't there for attacking. They were there for moving. Just as the Nara used his shadows to move quickly to the top of the wall, he used them to transfer himself and his comrades behind him later on. The black wall, the deer, the Mother and Father… they had all been just a distraction to occupy his attention and make him ignore the fact that he had not been able to see his actual targets since the fighting began…

When the master had managed to look around to see all three of his targets standing behind him however, the final part of their plan clicked into place…

So that's why the other one didn't do anything since coming up here.

Kankuro was standing in between Chiyo and Shikamaru and on top of his Salamander puppet making seals. Unlike the previous models however, THIS Salamander was glowing with bluish white energy with its mouth wide open, tail sticking out in line with its body, and lightning arcing around it menacingly. All of its feet and several additional devices latched to its sides were physically anchored to the sandstone beneath it, and every one of the boy's lightning white chakra strings were connected to either side of the mechanical demon.

Clearly, the boy's research into puppetry did not end with that metal knight he had used earlier.

Brilliant. Clearly lethal and about to be used against him, but utterly brilliant.

Still Sasori was not completely helpless as he manipulated the Iron Sand nearby to hastily make a wall between them.

"Raiton: Senkuhou (Lightning Style: Flash Cannon)."

Having used his chakra strings, body, and puppet to create a massive human puppet circuit, Kankuro set off the device in his Salamander. The single twitch in his fingers unleashed all the chakra-electric power he had stored up in his prized puppet made by his target, and fired off the jutsu enhanced railgun he had made inside.

Even with their absurd amounts of experience and superhuman abilities, the only thing that the shinobi there could see in the following instant was a massive bright light emit from the puppets mouth with a deafening bang. This was followed by the instantaneous hole made through Sasori's hastily made barrier as if made of paper, in and out of the target, and straight on forward till it past Suna's edge and disappeared into the desert. The resulting slipstream that was created as an aftereffect was more than enough to drag the Akatsuki, his puppet, and the metal around him all the way over the destroyed part of the wall and collapse on the other side in a lifeless heap. Almost half a minute later a large cloud of smoke was barely seen in the dark distance indicating to everyone just how far the attack had gone.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru grunted as he dug a finger into his ears. "Even with chakra plugging my ears I'm still partially deaf from that."

"Eh?!" Chiyo asked loudly putting a hand to the side of her head. "What did you say!? You have to speak up! My ears aren't what they used to be!"

"I told you guys that it would be loud." Kankuro grunted, having the least issue with hearing being used to the effects of his attack by now. "Not my fault you didn't take me seriously."

"Shut up Kankuro! Now is not the time for your complaining! This is why I can't take you seriously!" Chiyo snapped loudly.

"And of course, she heard that." The brother of the Kazekage sighed in dejection as he focused anyways on the target that he had just shot to kingdom come.

It was only then that they noticed the increasingly loud rumbling noise that was coming from the village. Much akin to an avalanche…

"Oi! Sasori-danna! Unless you're planning on helping, the mission's a failure! We're leaving!"

Everyone turned to see Deidara flying towards them as fast as possible with a literal tsunami's worth of sand followed by several hundred giant biju sized arms chasing after him.

"Holy shit Gaara's pissed." Kankuro paled.

"Why did we think he needed help again?" Shikamaru asked curiously.

"What?!" Chiyo yelled, apparently still deaf.

Unfortunately for them, they had been so distracted by Deidara's attempted escape from a magnificently overkill death that they did not notice the body of their target suddenly rise up from where it had collapsed just a minute earlier… sans the right part of his chest, torso, and right arm revealing the bulk of his insides to be completely hollow.

"We can't fight adequately under these conditions…" The puppetman mused as he re-established control over his thankfully unharmed prized tool with his remaining hand and glared at his three distracted opponents. The latest attack had wrecked the device in his chest that he used to control multiple puppets at once. It was only a miracle that the scrolls on his back were for the most part undamaged.

It had been very close. Had he not fabricated his iron sand AND made a strong magnetic field to push the fired projectile to the side, he would have most certainly have perished from the attack instead of simply lost his right arm and half his body. Regardless, he was no longer in a suitable condition to fight, especially if the jinchuriki was this powerful.

A massive rumbling shook the area and forced everyone there to turn around to look outside the village opposite of where Gaara was … or at least they tried to look outside as a colossal wall of sand shot up and blocked the view of the world from view.

"He's persistent, I'll give him that much…" The Scorpion of the Red Sands grunted as he channeled as much chakra as he could into his prized puppet despite his current condition. Given Deidara's position, he had less than four seconds to make this work, or else it was likely that both of them would die here. He didn't bother to pay attention to his three opponents that had just disappeared in another one of the Nara's shadows.

Jumping forward to where he was going to create his miracle, Sasori manipulated as much iron sand as possible to impale and open up the wall that Gaara had just made.

Despite the fact that Gaara and his father could control their elements in far greater quantities than the third Kazekage, the third was considered the strongest for a reason. His power came not in the quantity of his sand element (though he could control a lot), but in the quality, or in this case the shape of his attacks. His skill in shape manipulation was so absurd that he frequently could meld and forge his iron sand into solid permanent weapons of incredible quality for the shinobi of Suna to wield. Before his disappearance, it was often said that Suna's shinobi on average were the best equipped fighters in the elemental nations save for notable exceptions such as the Seven Swordsmen and other specialists.

Utilizing what little iron he could gain suitable control over in a short amount of time, Sasori formed and fired off a somewhat large metal cone into the wall, forcing it to drill into the wall with far more ease than what one would think possible until it reached the back end of the construct. Then the inside of the solid cone hollowed out and opened up to reveal a gap in the wall just large enough for the bomber's mount to pass through.

Moments later the puppetman and his prized tool flew through through the gap followed not a second later by his partner who managed to squeeze through and escape being crushed between two walls of loosely packed stone.

Landing on the bird that caught up to him, Sasori instantly turned around and set his sights on the literal giant tsunami he had just passed through. "I see his skills were understated."

"No shit! Mmm!" Deidara snapped as he didn't slow his bird down in the slightest. "What the hell happened to you?!"

"My grandmother and a couple of interesting brats." The redhead stated evenly as he saw the tsunami begin to warp on itself while projectiles of sand were launched over it in masse.

"Your grandmother?! Seriously if you don't want to tell me that you got your ass kicked you could have just threatened to kill me!" Deidara yelled in frustration as the sand bombs exploded in front of them to reveal more giant clouds that would slow them down drastically if they flew through them.

"Just focus on flying or we're both dead." The elder snapped, not in the mood for his partner's back talking right now. The tsunami behind them had not chased after them like he had initially assumed, but the part closest to them was still changing and gaining definition…

"Shit."

"That bad?" The blond laughed bitterly without turning around, still focusing on getting as much range as possible while still avoiding the sand clouds. It wasn't often that Sasori swore. True he often threatened to kill and maim others, primarily him, but cursing to describe something or a situation rarely happened.

Sasori responded by virtually fusing to the clay bird under him and popping out a nozzle from his left hand and pointed it in the opposite direction they were flying. In front of him, the upper body of the Ichibi had completely formed and was gathering a great deal of chakra into its massive fanged mouth. "If you want to live, I suggest you hold on and make sure we don't crash."

Tapping into one of the scrolls on his back, which while damaged were still fortunately functional, Sasori unleashed a massive torrent of flames from his functioning arm and drastically increased the speed of the bird he was flying on.

Seconds later, the manifestation of the Ichibi unleashed its payload with gusto at its would be hunters, producing a blast of black and gold chakra so dense and powerful that it produced slipstreams strong enough to make twisters in its wake.

Later on the people of Suna and Gaara would also have to remake the road leading to the entrance of this part of the village due to the damages made, but that was irrelevant to the plot.

"Oi oi! I get it! I pissed you off! Let up already!" Deidara swore as he pulled up hard enough that combined with Sasori's aid they just managed to avoid being turned to dust. The backlash caused by the beam didn't help things as they were subsequently battered around by the air currents. "That's it! Fuck it! My C4's been everywhere by now! I warned him about what would happen if he didn't give up! Katsu!"

Sasori frowned at the mention of Deidara's C4. If he inadvertently killed the Ichibi's container, Pain would be very far from pleased. For several seconds there was an ominous pause as the sand beast's mouth closed and the sand around it calmed down to a degree…

And then it opened its mouth and began to gather chakra again.

Well, at least they now knew that the jinchuriki wasn't accidentally killed.

"Deidara…" Sasori warned as he prepared his arm again.

"I'm going! I'm going! Mmm!" The blond teen yelled, understanding exactly what was going on as he urged his mount to fly as fast as he could push it while still engaging evasive maneuvers.

Three times. Three more times the Ichibi's host had fired off massive waves of chakra at its retreating pursuers with a violent ferocity that could belong only to a biju, only to barely miss each time. That wasn't to say that they were unharmed, as the constant shaking had completely drained the last of both of their chakra reserves, and ruined more of Sasori's body.

But they had still escaped.

o. o. o.

Gaara wearily sat in his office as he continued to order his commanders and shinobi to fix the damage done to the village. Despite the fact that he had not been captured, Deidara's rampaging throughout the village during the fight had caused a large amount of damage and a good number of casualties. Unfortunately the Kazekage could not be held completely innocent either as many of the things he had attempted to do to stop the mad bomber in his tracks had unfortunately dragged in some of his men who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Temari was in the hospital to be treated for her wounds, and Kankuro and Shikamaru were helping with managing the efforts despite the fact that they fought just as hard as he did that night.

It was only due to Baki's rather forceful intervention that he had managed to have some time to himself to simply rest. Using his Biju's powers in such amounts was an exhausting endeavor after all. When it was finally realized that their insomniac leader was actually dead tired many of his followers had decided to try and manage things on their own for a while to give him rest…

"Past present or future, you are still one of the scariest guys I will ever know Gaara."

So much for rest.

Without opening his black eyelids, the Kazekage allowed himself to smirk faintly. "Likewise Naruto."

"Controlling so much sand and then firing off that many bijudama's like that…" The blond jinchuriki grinned as he seemed to phase into the world. "Did you completely gain control over Shukaku?"

"No. I just happen to be really good at what I can work with." Gaara replied. "Never took you for a genjutsu type."

"Eh. I'm just adjusting the path of light through the air so it doesn't bounce off of me. It's a lot easier to manage my chakra when I'm working with just the air I control." The Kyubi jinchuriki shrugged casually before sitting on one of the chairs there and changing colors for a few seconds. "It's really fun to mess with the variants, but I'm like you. I'm good with what I have, and everything else I suck at."

The Kazekage nodded. "I suppose that your control enabled you to prevent any of the C4 bombs from being inhaled."

"Of course!" The blonde laughed. "I wouldn't have urged you to keep fighting if I couldn't pull it off after all."

"And if you couldn't?"

"I would have ambushed them while they were taking you back to their base obviously."

"I'm somewhat glad you didn't. We can't afford to give Deidara any new ideas."

"Please. By the time I finish he'd be begging to take him under my wing."

A shiver ran down Gaara's spine. "I believe I have found something more terrifying than Madara."

"Pussy." The blond pouted.

The Kazekage opened his eyes and looked at his first friend for the first time in years. He seemed to be dressed the same as he did before, albeit it seemed to match his size better. He was a bit taller and more mature looking than ever, but his eyes… "You've been through much it seems."

Naruto's very sleep deprived eyes closed merrily before opening again. There was still a gleam of immense immaturity and mischievousness that he was notorious for, however there was no hint of innocence in them at all, and the gaze he was giving was good deal cooler than before. "Heh. Yeah you could say that. Ero-ni really went all out in my training… in more ways than we thought."

Gaara frowned. His friend was still there, but at the same time he had changed in an unpleasant way. He had seen the same looks on war veterans that had seen one or a dozen horrible scenes too many. "Why aren't you in Konoha? I wasn't the only one that felt your arrival."

The cocky Uzumaki's smile faltered for a moment before it let loose a sigh of a weary old man. "Let's just say… I need a break from it all for now, and I won't get it in Konoha."

"… I see." The Kazekage nodded after a few seconds of contemplation. "That explains why you haven't told anyone else you're here… however Shikamaru…"

"Is obligated to tell everyone else that he met me when he gets back, even if he sides with me." Naruto interrupted. "Plus Ino would be able to sniff out that he's hiding something big in an instant."

"Point made." Gaara relented, knowing enough of Shikamaru's Yamanaka teammate from his semi constant griping and stories. "Though our concern is warranted. You are by yourself, unaided, and prone to attracting…"

"Fucked up situations?" The blond snorted. Obviously the pattern had not abated during his time away from home. "Oh trust me. I know it. That's why I'm heading to places that I know are going to be messed up soon so I at least know what's going to happen."

"That's… one way to deal with such a problem." The Kazekage admitted albeit with a grain of salt. "Though if you want to keep a low profile, doing that will make things difficult."

"Eh. It's not like I'm going to be gone for long. Only a few months at the most." Naruto yawned. "I'm just taking a VERY well needed break from everything. If things get too rough I'll just run back home…"

"And what qualifies as too much for you at this point?" Gaara frowned. Naruto was widely believed to be their generation's hardest hitter. Even before he left he was speculated to be on par with the Sanin in terms of jutsu vocabulary and destructive capabilities.

"Oi. Don't give me that look. If Akatsuki starts going after me in particular, I'll go back, but right now I'm pretty sure that I can take them on one on one without too much trouble... other than Madara of course. Besides they still don't know I'm back let alone where I am. The only reason why I didn't help out more here was because I got here in the middle of the fighting and preventing everyone in the city from breathing in those C4 bombs was trickier than it looked."

"I'll take your word for it." The sand user dryly stated. "… Just to be safe though, tell me honestly. If we were to fight here, what do you think would happen?"

The Uzumaki raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? With the shit you just pulled off? I'd have to be freaking nuts to fight you on your home turf." He clicked his teeth in frustration and began to think. "Never took you for a competitive type. Well if we didn't use our biju or sage mode… I think I'd still lose two, maybe three to one, and that's if I'm not allowed to run away screaming like a small girl… or Konohamaru."

"Are you sure you aren't overestimating yourself?" The Kage asked with a hint of a smirk. "Those are pretty generous odds all things considered."

"No… I think I'm on the money with that one." The blond waved Gaara's speculation to the side absently. "You have your ultimate defense, but I have several techniques of mass destruction. And more tricks." He paused. "Why do I have a sudden urge to claim I pulled off the full set?"

Gaara ignored Naruto's random comment. He had a feeling he was better off not knowing. Being reminded that the person in front of him was notorious for being an individual of pure chaos without his Biju's aid was not a pleasant experience. "Naruto. How many obnoxiously destructive techniques did you learn or make while you were gone?"

The room was silent for a good amount of time.

"… Naruto…"

"… Nope. I'm not answering that one. No way. Not going to tell you. You cannot make me tell you. My lips are sealed. I know better than that. I plead the fifth. I suddenly developed a case of amnesia. Who are you? Who am I? Why am I here? My what a pretty hat you have. Does that come in red? Why do I hear three voices in my head?"

"Don't make me do something drastic Naruto." The Kazekage warned with narrowed eyes. "You know I can be very persuasive if I want to be."

"Gaara. Just… just listen." The fellow jinchuriki backed up slowly. "Now think very carefully. You've had a hard day. You are tired, exhausted, and more than easily irritated right now. Do you REALLY want to know how much I can potentially mess up your home at this very moment?"

The room was once again quiet for several minutes. "It's times like this that I truly question our friendship Naruto. I really do."

"And its times like this that I'm glad I'm now smart enough to abuse such sensations." The blond sighed in relief. "But in all honesty you can't really point fingers here. I mean with the shit you just pulled." He shook his head. "I mean with all the sand you control and Shukaku's crossed eyes and the markings and everything, you'd think that… he…"

"That he what?" Gaara frowned as his friend's jaw slowly dropped and began to point at him in disbelief.

"No." Naruto stated in a low disbelieving tone as if realizing something for the first time. "No fucking way. You have got to be shitting me. You mean the entire time… and no one noticed…"

The Kazekage turned his conversation to the inside of his body. "Shukaku, care to enlighten me what he has found out before he does something that will most likely cause us both headaches for weeks to come?"

"The hell should I know?" The Tanuki shrugged. "You're talking about a human that you occasionally believe is crazier than me. On a side note, are you sure we can't kill him? I really want to one up Kurama and I'm still itchy from not getting to kill that other blond human."

Gaara's attention was distracted from Shukaku's pointless babbling however as he saw Naruto extend his fist forward expectantly. Knowing exactly what his friend wanted to do, the redhead followed suit and bumped fists.

Almost instantly the world around them changed. What had once been the enclosed Kazekage's office had opened up to reveal a massive desert during the night with a full moon hanging overhead. On one side stood Gaara in front of Shukaku, who had a foot shackled to a large flat area of stone underneath him with seals on the edge. On the other…

"He's gotten bigger since the last time." The redhead mused as he looked at Kurama with some interest. The Kyubi, which had been roughly Shukaku's size before, was nearly five times that now and easily was the largest thing in the area. Of more interest however was the fact that there was nothing restraining him. "I take it his chakra has been restored and you managed to gain control of his power."

Naruto chuckled on top of his biju's head, sitting next to Minato and Kushina. "Yeah, but trust me it was a major pain in the ass pulling it off in the end."

"Namikaze-sama. Uzumaki-sama. Kyubi-sama. It's good to see you again." Gaara bowed his head politely.

"Gaara. We've told you already, just call us by our names." Kushina pouted childishly. "We aren't strangers here. Heck you're practically family."

"It's good to see you too Gaara." The Fourth Hokage smiled peacefully. "It's unfortunate that we had to do so under such unstable circumstances though."

"I'd prefer it if you considered that fight to be a mighty battle instead of "a pain in the ass"." Kurama grunted, lying down on the sand and seemingly ignoring his brother glaring at him and his container. "You are the only human to ever defeat me without the use of seals or a bloodline. Be proud of it."

"It's a good thing you're not that big of a sore loser… metaphorically speaking." The container smirked with some humor before turning his attention to the Ichibi. "Oi Shukaku! You still ax crazy and stuff?!"

"I will crush you into a fine paste and put it on my bread which I will only half eat before throwing the other half away for no particular reason!" The Tanuki yelled frantically.

"I'll take that as a yes." Minato laughed nervously.

"That's a big piece of bread." Kushina mused, not at all concerned with the violent threat. "Where would he get it in the first place?"

"He gets a bit cranky when he's denied a good kill." Gaara admitted.

"For all of our sakes, I'll interpret what you just asked as a rhetorical question." The fox muttered to his container as said blond jumped off of his head and flew towards the other beast at a casual pace.

"Let's see." Naruto approached the violent tanuki without any hint of worry or concern. "His chakra's unstable as always so I can't read it accurately from a distance, but still it was pretty weird that Gaara's powers seemed to be so much more potent when compared to the others. We thought that it was because of the shitty seal and Gaara's adapting to the demonic chakra… but what if…"

Gaara's eyes narrowed as his friend continued to approach his tenant without slowing down. "Naruto! You're getting too close! Shukaku will still try to kill you if you get in reach of him!"

"Finally I get to kill something!" The biju roared in joy as he reached back with one of his claws to prepare an attack…

And was seemingly pulled farther than he intended and fell flat on his back so smoothly that it almost appeared to have been done completely by the beast's clumsy habits.

"Idiot." Kurama yawned and laid down, not at all worried about what just happened much like the two remaining spirits on his head. "There is a reason why I admit that he defeated me Shukaku. It is pointless for an idiot like you to try and kill him."

"You stupid fox! If I wasn't chained here I would have killed all of you by now!"

"Yeah that's nice." Naruto muttered clearly not paying attention to the death threat as he landed on the tanuki's stomach and placed a hand on it. "Do me a favor and stay still for a sec."

An instant later, the writhing biju's body instantly slammed flat back against the ground and twitched as if trying to move.

"He's subduing Shukaku so easily…" Gaara blinked in wonder.

"What… the hell… did you do to me?!" The Ichibi grunted, managing to raise its head enough to glare at the human on his stomach.

"Short version? I just dumped roughly a mountain's worth of mass on your body from the sky." The blonde shrugged, though he didn't move his hand from the beast's body. "The technique is pretty useful. Now please shut up while I touch your belly as much as I please." There was a brief pause as he closed his eyes…

"Shukaku. When the hell did you start messing around with natural energy and accidentally stick yourself in a bastardized sage mode?"

The mental world was silent for a good five seconds before the words sunk into everyone's heads.

"… Well then, that certainly explains a lot." Kurama blinked, clearly not expecting this to be what his container suspected.

"Of all the biju… you mean to tell me that the most insane of all of them was a sage?" Kushina gaped in disbelief.

"A half assed one." The blond corrected. "This idiot's chakra is improperly balanced. He has slightly more natural energy than his demonic and its really messing with his head since he's primarily a demonic entity. From what I can tell it's been like this for log knows how long."

"Mmmm." Kurama thought heavily as he attempted to sift through his memories. "Now that I think of it, there was a time when the fool did not have those markings… but shortly after HE died they appeared. Actually I believe that was when he became more annoying… and fat."

"Shut up… all of you…" The Ichibi growled, sounding far more unstable and homicidal than normal as he opened his mouth and began to gather huge amounts of chakra in it, pointing it straight at Naruto. "Shut UP!"

SLAM!

Before the ball was even halfway formed, the beast's mouth had slammed on itself much to its owner's surprise given the look of shock in his face.

BOOM!

Still that was more than enough to blow up the biju's head in a giant torrent of sand and chakra and force its body to go limp.

Naruto on the other hand had not acknowledged the event in the slightest.

"Idiot." The fox snorted, clearly not surprised by what he had just seen but still very much amused.

"I hope that won't cause any problems." Kushina mused out loud worriedly. "His body is made of sand and he does seem to recover quickly because of it…"

"So long as he was harmed inside his container and still has his chakra, he should be back to normal fairly quickly." Minato assured his wife calmly.

Gaara on the other hand could barely keep calm, which was reasonable given what his day had been like. "Naruto. Tell me there is a logical reason why you just blew up my biju's head."

"Would you believe that he said heinous things about ramen?"

"Naruto."

"He insulted my mother?"

"I'd be the one responsible for blowing up his head if that was the case and you know it!" Kushina shouted from the background.

"He insulted your mother?"

"Naruto!"

"He didn't brush his teeth in years and his breath was bad enough to legitimize such treatment for the sake of all that is decent in the world, and only the utterly violent destruction and recreation of his head would suitably cure?"

"So help me UZUMAKI!"

The accused laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head with his free hand, shrinking under the murderous glare of his friend. "Ok! Ok! Sorry! I really just needed this guy to stay still for a bit and he didn't seem to want to. To be honest, since I'm technically in you right now, no homo, I'm not as strong as I should be. Actually I could only hold him down for a few more seconds like this because of it. Giving off that much chakra would have disrupted my technique anyways. Blowing up his head was just a convenient solution at the time"

"And why do tell did you need for the Ichibi to calm down to such an extent that you felt that blowing up his head was a legitimate means to an end?" The Kazekage's eyebrow muscle twitched. He knew he was going to get headaches when he found out that Naruto came back, but he had forgotten how fast and how bad they could be. As such he attempted futilely to ignore how absurd the sentence he just said sounded out loud.

In all honesty, it was a blessing that the blond wasn't working for Akatsuki. They'd get the biju in record time by accident it that happened.

"Oi! He gave the opportunity! I just took it! Hate the game not the player!" Naruto snapped childishly before regaining composure and made the half ram seal with his free hand. "Regardless. I needed him to calm the fuck down anyway so I could do this…"

No one saw any real changes at first, however slowly but surely all the eyes there soon spotted a change in the downed Ichibi's body. The large amounts of "fat" that he seemed to possess, despite being made completely out of sand, slowly disappeared, and his "fur" seemed to take on a more natural appearance and sheen, and its coloring has turned a paler shade of sand brown. The markings on his body which extended to his fur remained, however they seemed to be more natural.

When the transformation was done, the beast's appearance still greatly resembled what it once was, however there were key differences. Shukaku would still be the "biggest" out of his siblings, but most of that could clearly be attributed to his distinct fur now. Even the double chin he sported from his slowly regenerating head was clearly just puffy biju fuzz now. Surprisingly though, his tail, if anything, grew even longer than it did before while still maintaining its very unique appearance.

"I see." Minato nodded. "You balanced out the natural and demonic energies in him."

"Huh…" Kushina tilted her head to the side as if judging the new change in appearance. "I can't make any final judgments since his head is still there, but so far it does seem to be an improvement."

"His chakra does seem to be stabilizing and he is stronger than I initially thought…" Kurama mused with half opened eyes. "However he still does not hold a candle to me."

"And once again doing things before explaining them saves the day." Naruto stood up proudly and posed childishly before jumping to the others. "Hey Mom! Dad! Can you touch up Gaara's seal just to be safe? You know that seals aren't really my thing!"

"On it." The fourth Hokage nodded as he grabbed his wife and threw a hiraishin kunai right at the edge of the Ichibi's seal. Moments later they were at work inspecting the entire thing and exchanging complex comments with one another.

"Akatsuki might be the greatest threat to the world, but I'm beginning to think that you're the greatest threat to my sanity." The Kazekage grunted to his friend and deciding to just go with the flow of things since it was far too late to change that.

"Wohoo! Another thing I beat a biju at!" The Kyubi's jinchuriki cheered with his fists in the air. "… Oh wait. That's a bad thing."

Gaara decided not to reply to that and changed the subject. For better or for worse, it was nice to know that Naruto's core personality had been left unchanged for the most part. "Speaking of unstable individuals of mass destruction, where is Ghost?"

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"So let me get this straight." Tsunade asked the nervous Izumo and Kotetsu as they stood in the hospital room where Ghost was sleeping unconscious. "You two were on guard duty…"

"Like we always were." Kotetsu nodded only to get a sharp elbow from his best friend.

"And while the entire road was empty, somehow Ghost, dehydrated, starving, and crippled, appeared just outside the gate." The woman continued, seemingly ignoring the pair's antics.

"He did have a walking stick…" Izumo added weakly.

"Younger sibling of the log, aiding in more mundane tasks that are unsuitable for the work of its holiness. Amen." Kotetsu recited absently.

"And he appeared ALONE." The Hokage stated in a more stressed tone.

"… We have nothing that can explain that part Hokage-sama." Izumo winced.

"You asked him if he was ok, to identify himself, and where Naruto was, and he said…" The woman concluded, her eyebrow starting to twitch.

Kotetsu shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "He… he wanted to bet five hundred ryo that someone would try to murder him within five minutes of him waking up… we said no offhandedly… and then he called us pussies and passed out right there. All in all Hokage-sama, there's little doubt that this is Ghost Oogakari."

"Of course it's him!" The woman snapped as power and killing intent began to radiate off of her. The afterimage of a large beast was hovering over her and terrifying the two men she was verbally reaming a new one. "No one else has that damn caved in chest of his and the only other people that can brush off wounds like this are the rest of his family and Naruto. WHO. IS. NOT. HERE."

"Careful Tsunade." Waltz yawned lazily as he walked into the room followed closely by Crypt. "You'll start to give old folks like me heart attacks if you keep that up."

The Hokage's attention glared at the conscious sane immortal in the room before clicking her teeth in irritation. "Given the current situation, I believe I'm entitled to being a bit miffed Waltz."

"And rightly so, but do remember you are in a hospital. The weak willed aren't well suited for exposure to presence." The ancient looking man replied in a casual tone, not at all swayed by the woman's current disposition.

"Heheheh. Funny smells do funny things. My nose burns like car wax and Peruvian rugs. The sitting flamingo knows all about sitting and deli sandwiches." Crypt giggled absently. "Spinny spinny spinny spinny zombie dog spinny cow doom doom… I SMELL THE ARTIFICIAL MONGOLIAN KNEECAP! FEAR IT FOR IT IS MONGOLIAN! MONGOOOOOLIAN! …Mongol…"

WHAM!

"Can you just wake the first unconscious idiot please?" Tsunade sighed after she hammered Crypt into the floor, not at all taking note of the blood that spilled out of his skull in the process. It'd be all gone by the time he left anyways. "The fact that he's here and Naruto's not is already giving me a massive headache. The fact that I'm going to have to tell everyone in the council this is going to make me want to kill someone."

"It's a shame then that all guilty parties are needed alive for future projects." Waltz chuckled as he walked to his official grandson and raised an eyebrow. "… Judging by his condition, I probably know what happened to both of them, but there's no way I'll be the one that tells you."

"And the reason why is?" The leader asked in a polite but clearly threatening way as the old man began to restore his family member's health and consciousness with his glowing hands.

"I like being on people's good side." The latter merrily replied, not at all paying attention to the two chunin slowly backing away from their leader. "Less people try to kill me that way."

"Ugh…" The first unconscious immortal groaned as he returned to the world of the semi-sane. "Oh my aching… ow…"

"Hello Ghost." Tsunade got straight to business. "Long time no see? How was your trip? Did you enjoy it? Where's Naruto?"

The blind man rubbed his temples and looked around slowly as he regained his bodily functions again. "Tsunade? Oh right, I'm back." There was a brief pause. "… Waltz can you be a pal and knock me out or kill me? I wouldn't mind both if possible."

"No can do. Tsunade made me sign a contract that prevents me from doing that to you this time." The old man raised his hands in defeat.

"Fuck she remembered." Ghost swore under his breath.

"I'm still waiting." The blond woman smiled pleasantly.

"But I don't wanna!" The childish man moaned with tears going down his face. "She'll just get mad at me!"

Tsunade's cracking knuckles countered that statement. "Oh I'm already fairly pissed off at you Ghost, so here's what's going to happen. Either you don't tell me and I use my medical knowledge to make you extremely uncomfortable, or you do tell me and I might decide to be lenient."

The blind immortal whimpered. "You promise?"

"Within reason."

"Well, ok. So I was minding my own business…"

"BULLSHIT!"

CRASH!

Tsunade punted the screaming like a girl man's bed through the sixth story hospital room window, complete with said screaming like a girl man.

o. o. o.

Twenty minutes later:

"You knew that was going to happen." Waltz sighed as he finished wrapping Ghost in the last of the casting that he now required after falling six stories with a hospital bed crashing on top of him. Thankfully the Hospital had made several rooms with shinobi, and later on the Oogakari in mind, so there were plenty of easily fixed rooms there.

"Why is she so mean?" The supposed leader of the immortals wept in a muffled voice as half his head was wrapped up in gauze.

"Just answer her damn questions." The elderly man grunted. "I wanna know where the little nut is too you know."

"Well?!" The Hokage grunted with a black aura of malice hovering over her, causing most of the hospital staff and shinobi there to keep a good distance away before the door was closed and left only her, Ghost, Crypt, and Waltz in the room.

The injured man remained quiet for a few seconds before laughing in good humor. "Hahaha. You got me. The minion finally made due with his threats on me and managed to ditch me as soon as we arrived in this world. Ahahahaha! Ha! Haha! Ha… I'm so dead."

The room was quiet for several seconds. "Care to repeat that?" The woman asked in a horrifyingly calm tone. "How the hell did a twenty year old in a sixteen year old's body, manage to overpower and get away from a man who supposedly could manhandle armies of gods if he actually felt like it? Please. Do tell."

"But he tricked meeee!" Ghost wept. "He made me open up a scroll with a ton of Chinese food in iiit! It took forever to get out from that mountain of EVIL, and even longer finding someone to wash the sauce of pain, misery, and shame off my poor innocent body."

"Why on earth are you crippled in the mere presence of pork fried rice!?" The woman's composure was cracking rather quickly.

"Er." Waltz spoke up and rose a hand. "Actually, he has a credible excuse there." The old man took out a folder from his coat. "Ghost got this from some takeout a couple millennia back. Mix that with his immortality and… well… yeah, his trauma is legit in this case."

Tsunade snorted as she looked at the folder which held the medical data for some sort of violent stomach virus… and looked… and looked…

After several minutes of silence, the medic expert slowly closed the folder and handed it back to the only other sane person in the room and cleared her throat with a neutral disposition. "Given the circumstances, I have decided that your situation was not completely your fault and I may have overreacted to the seriousness of your condition. Just, just swear you'll never attempt to bring such a thing into our world. Ever. I wouldn't use such a thing on Orochimaru."

"Few people truly realize the depths of my trauma. The horror. The deep fried overly seasoned horror…"

"But that still does not explain where Naruto is." Tsunade continued on professionally, banishing the terrifying strain of stomach bug data from her mind. "Right now he can be anywhere in the elemental nations without backup doing whatever the hell he's doing. We'll have no way of helping him if he encounters Akatsuki or gets into other trouble. We don't even know why he ran off in the first place."

Waltz glanced at his brother warily. "Ghost… exactly how well did Naruto adapt to dimension travelling? Please do tell us that you did not go overboard and accidentally break ANOTHER hopeful by overexposing him to the frequently glossed over terrors of the multiverse. The ones that coincidentally have screwed with even our heads on occasion."

A shiver went down the Senju's spine. She didn't like the sound of what Waltz just said. "Accidentally break? Don't tell me that you turned Naruto into a raging psychopath. Him being a raving lunatic like you is bad enough."

The injured immortal shifted nervously. "Uh… I didn't go that far, this time. Kinda?"

The Hokage's mouth went dry before she turned to the more reliable immortal in the room. "What do you mean by "frequently glossed over horrors"? How did he "break" my annoying little brat?"

"The multiverse is filled with countless possibilities Tsunade." Waltz stated ominously. "In order to traverse the unknown with a degree of confidence, you need to be prepared for encountering literally every possibility can potentially exist and then some otherwise one can easily lose their sanity. Good. Bad. Neutral. Ideal. Imperfect. Ordered. Chaotic. Irrational. Magical. Spiritual. Religious. Logical. Imaginary. Technologic. Standards. Distortion. Even the definition of the previous can be altered depending on where you go. A nonstandard combination of all of this and more to varying degrees describes each and every world. So long as it can exist, it will exist in theoretically an infinite number of worlds, no matter how much you try to reason that it shouldn't be possible, it isn't right, or how much you scream. If you try to prove otherwise, you'll just end up truly breaking and end up as a problem for someone."

There was a brief pause before he continued. "At its best, a person could potentially learn the secrets of everything and become a sage with wisdom unlike anything you could fathom. At its worst… war… hell… torture… such words could not begin to describe that which are the standards of existence. It is the latter category and worlds that possess cultures completely alien to his own that the traveler must be accustomed to in order to if not ensure then improve the likelihood of him getting around without issue. They must be able to adapt to completely new rules and standards on the fly without knowing anything in order to have a hope of managing things on their own. What you shinobi assume is quick adaptation to new cultures when outside of the continental elemental nations is a mere shadow of what is truly required for something on this scale. The problem is however, that such things take time and training… and if you rush it…"

"I see." The Hokage nodded reluctantly. The old man's lecture reminded her of the conditioning programs that used to be used for younger generations during times of war, only exceptionally more extreme. Once more she had to remember that she was dealing with people that were used to a much higher scale of things than she was accustomed to. "So… what's the damage then?"

"All things considered he got off light. Still, he uh, he might have a bit of trouble registering affective empathy at the moment, or just empathetic concern to be exact." Ghost admitted while attempting to shrink into his wrappings.

"Ghost you idiot." Waltz groaned, knowing exactly what had happened. "You forced him to go through the worst situations we found in the past didn't you? How badly did you traumatize this one?"

"I thought he could handle it better than most with the death and the angra mainyu training and all the other crap he's been through! And it wasn't the really rushed version that I planned out last time!" The crippled man shot back. "Besides I didn't put him through all of it, though he did experience more than he should have."

There was a brief pause.

"I probably shouldn't have introduced him to Burnkestel and Lambdadelta in hindsight though…"

"Oh for the love of all that is rational you gave him to THOSE TWO?!"

"Heheheh." Crypt giggled darkly. "Come and play Oyashiro-sama. The festival is coming soon… I wonder who will be the sacrifice this year… then we can play with the furniture without pants!"

"I stopped after that! He's gotten better since then! He can tell when people are angry at him in particular again! Also, on a side note, the minion is now subconsciously terrified of tea parties."

"Hold on. I'm not a Yamanaka, but if I got this right, Naruto's now dead to other people's emotions?" Tsunade tried to summarize what they were talking about.

"Their suffering." Waltz corrected with an annoyed tone, not taking his stone like eyes off of Ghost. "Though if what Ghost is saying is true, I'd say he's more numb than dead to those sensations. It's like a passive version of what shinobi do to ignore their target's suffering before going for the kill, or ignoring what other people would feel when you take out their loved ones. No sympathy, or so little of it that it would not impede their decisions and actions. In short he will not recognize what is "wrong" with a situation and focus on what it "is". The boy will still most likely act completely like before. Given his nature he's not going to go on a murder spree anytime soon, but depending on how far the training was taken… well let's just say he'll be more prone to saying inappropriate things at the wrong time. Tell us right now Ghost. How bad is he?"

The crippled immortal attempted to shrug, but winced painfully doing so. "Like you said, he's numb right now but believe it or not, he knows about it." He stopped talking for a moment. "On a side note, despite his condition he has on the other hand become extremely good at determining which people are normal and which are twisted in some way."

"Shocking." The Hokage Tsunade replied in a dead tone.

"On a related note, old man you heard from Shadow about that little trip he took a while ago?"

"I try not to." Said old man grumbled. "Last thing I wanted was to be involved in fighting on that scale again... gods and their bloody egos and their fear of taking their heads out of their damn asses. Inability to understand the situation due to being conceptual beings and make a decent logical decision my wrinkled old liver spotted…"

"ANYWAYS, during that particular fiasco the minion found what I was doing to him, and after a rather colorful chewing out I lightened up on the conditioning a bit. All in all he's still the same as before but… yeah more often than not he has to logically figure out people are suffering emotionally instead of actually feel, it and it's really gotten to him." Ghost elaborated. "It's probably why he kinda ditched me and isn't coming back yet. He most likely wants some time to stabilize himself and get his head on straight. Odds weren't likely he wasn't going to get it here because… well… everyone's here. And we do things."

"Do the things involve pancakes? Or fabric softener?" Crypt asked curiously.

"And right now our most valued asset in the oncoming war is not only out in the world by himself, but emotionally crippled." Tsunade summarized while grinding her teeth.

Ghost frowned. "Minato, Kushina and Kyubi are still with him so it's not like he's without someone to smack him upside the head when he says something stupid. Besides, I trained him a lot in other fields too. Kid's got some mad moves now."

"And how many of these mad moves are capable of destroying the village?" Waltz skeptically raised an eyebrow. "Scratch that, just how powerful is his strongest technique?"

The room was ominously silent again.

"Don't make me punt you out the window again. Because I am very much inclined to do so with great amounts of sadistic satisfaction."

"About that… I shouldn't say this, but technically the minion's strongest move has… theoretically, enough power to destroy a small country. Not exactly the kind of move that a protector of peace is supposed to have I know but… well, when we thought about it, it just seemed too awesome to pass up. And let me tell you, mass destruction aside it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen... blindness taken into account."

"Why for all that is holy would you teach him a move like THAT?!" Tsunade roared incredulously.

A tear of pride fell from Ghost's left eye. "I didn't. He made it up himself." He sniffed. "They grow up so fast."

The Hokage groaned and sat down in her chair. "I can already see the paperwork piling in. At the very least, he has sage mode and the Kyubi to back him up if he gets into trouble."

The room was ominously quiet.

"I said, at the very least he has sage mode and the Kyubi to help him out if he gets into a rough spot." The Senju said in a more demanding tone.

"You thought he was too strong after the training and sealed away his ability to do either didn't you." Waltz accurately guessed in a monotone voice.

"… Come to think of it why did I think it was a smart idea to come back to the village?"

"Fuck should I know?" The old man rose a bushy white eyebrow.

Ghost's second freefall from the windows of the hospital that day, complete with bed and hospital equipment strapped to him, further enforced his curiosity.

o. o. o.

Outside Suna:

"So where do you guys wanna check out next?" Naruto asked out loud as he casually hovered through the desert night sky. Ever since he had mastered flying the jinchuriki had used it whenever he had to travel long distances. And he loved every second of it. "I've always wanted to check out Kusa…"

"Unless you want to accidentally start a war or international scandal, I suggest you avoid the other hidden villages and major cities for now." Minato advised. "Same goes for Wave since you know people there."

"So in short you want to visit a place that has no one living in it because otherwise you'll probably just kill everyone there." The Kyubi bluntly added. "So… are you sure you don't want to go back to Konoha?"

"Eh. Maybe later." The container shrugged, ignoring the not so subtle jab. "If I remember right, the demon country fiasco shouldn't be happening for another couple of weeks. Still that is a while… you guys wanna hit Moon Country's casinos and make the owners cry?"

"Do you even remember how to get to Moon Country from here?" His father asked skeptically.

"Has that ever stopped him before?" Kushina laughed merrily.

"This world is doomed." Kurama groaned. "How anyone could consider you a sort of child of prophesy is madder than Shukaku, unless they are referring to how you will somehow accidentally bring forth its end."

"Yeah! Fuck the police!" The blond pumped his fist into the air.

"Actually, if we're heading for the ocean, let's check out the ruins of Uzu." Kushina offered, catching everyone's attention. "We never did manage to check it out before we left."

Naruto crossed his arms and thought hard. His mother had a point. He had been focusing too much on training before his hellish trip to other worlds. Granted his ability in seals was only a hair above average so he doubted he would come across or recognize something revolutionary, but still it was something to consider.

Plus it might give his parents something to do and focus on. They've been getting bored lately and when they get bored they start making comments on virtually everything he does.

Or they start to feel the "itch" again and need more trips on the outside world lest his mind get more messed up than it already is. They were only in their early mid twenties when they initially died after all. When a Hokage has an itch to scratch, he will scratch that itch, death be damned.

"Hmm. Yeah. That sounds pretty good." He agreed. "The place has been dead and scavenged by tons of villages so all the traps and secrets there should be taken by now. So long as we don't blow anything up there, no one should ever know we were there."

"Feel honored Kushina. Uzu might be destroyed, but your son will be the one that truly wipes it off the face of the map." Kurama snorted.

"You mean how he smeared the walls with your head earlier?"

"Big words coming from someone I killed."

"What was that rabbit ears?!" Kushina roared in rage.

"You can hear me just fine human. You're dead. Not deaf. Not that the former has done anything to manage how much you annoy me."

"I'll show you dead and deaf!"

Moments later Naruto winced as he felt his mother and the Kyubi once again begin to try to gut one another in his soul. Despite the fact that they had all gotten along much better since they had all gathered there, the fighting itself had rarely stopped for more than a week or two.

Minato on the other hand wisely stayed out of such altercations unless they got out of hand.

Still, Naruto didn't feel like dealing with the resulting headache this time.

"Time to separate you two again…" The blond sighed as he focused internally and grabbed onto the Kyubi's soul and some of his chakra and molded it outside of his body. Moments later, a single tailed red fox appeared in the air next to his body…

And subsequently plummeted to the earth screaming and cursing his name.

"Whoops." The Jinchuriki muttered unapologetically as he looked down at the rapidly fading red dot. "Forgot about that."

"Heheheheheheheh." Kushina giggled evilly from inside his mind. "This works too. Heheheh…"

"I wouldn't be so happy if I were you mom. You do that again and it'll be you freefalling next time." The son stated without remorse as he reached out and caught onto the falling fox with the air under his control and pulled him back up to his elevation.

Naruto was unable to manipulate the bulk of Kurama's chakra normally due to Ghost's machinations. However it did nothing to impair the fox's control over it, nor did it stop him from letting the biju out whenever he saw fit.

"I swear on the Jubi I will flood your dreams with your suppressed experiences if you EVER do that again." The biju murderously stated as he slowly floated back up to eye level with his container. While he was significantly weaker than before, it did nothing to impair the normally overwhelming killing intent he was radiating. "And I do mean ALL of them."

"Mhm." Naruto yawned, not intimidated in the slightest. "Don't see what the big deal is…"

"Small magical girls in old western clothing drinking tea and playing games." The tailed beast stated in a dead tone.

In an instant the jinchuriki paled and began to look all around him. "What?! Fuck! Where!? Don't let those twisted old shrews get me! Not again!" Instantly though he paused and looked at the biju warily. "Suppressed memories?"

"Maliciously suppressed."

"Well then… your complaint has been noted and filed." The jinchuriki chuckled nervously as he pressed his right hand on his partner's forehead for a few seconds, allowing the beast to temporarily manipulate the air around him to fly for as long as he's in Naruto's range and sees fit. "Never thought you'd be afraid of heights."

"I am not afraid of heights!" Kurama snapped as he floated a bit away from the teen. "I merely detest falling absurd elevations while in a weak and pathetic body!"

"Probably doesn't help that save for the Jubi he was the largest creature to ever walk on the planet." Minato added helpfully.

"Size means nothing after seeing the Sky Mother in her natural state Yondaime. You too are aware of this."Kurama growled as he lazily floated around in the air, clearly used to the sensation of flying via this method. "Not to mention what we encountered in all of those absurd worlds we visited. Those metal mechanisms and monsters… as much as I detest admitting it, our world is rather behind when compared to many of them in terms of capability and rationality. Small wonder the Sky Mother's kin constantly mock virtually everything they encounter in this world."

"Which will make things way easier for us to fuck around with the system and not get into trouble." Naruto grinned as he began to fly to the east.

"Or cause everyone to gun for your head." Kushina corrected with some concern. "Remember, you are still having trouble realizing when people are pissed off at you. It'd be far too easy for you to accidentally piss off the wrong people and make things worse for yourself."

"I'm getting better."The blond pouted.

"Even so, it's best if you don't do any diplomatic missions for a while if I were you." His father advised.

"Countries that I have already exposed to my awesomeness are exempt from the rule."

"Try again." Kushina snorted.

"Oh come on!"

"I'm beginning to look forward to these next few months." The fox smirked savagely as he followed his container. "The amount of chaos and destruction that follow you is often worth the headache."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in the elemental nations:

"Home at last." Kabuto sighed pleasantly as he entered one of Orochimaru's older and still undiscovered bases. While it was not as well stocked with equipment like many of the other hideouts, it was still a convenient place to retreat to. The bordering mountainous and forest terrain offered pleasant scenery and good air to breathe, and it wasn't that far from a few mid sized cities and a major border. All in all it made a very pleasant vacation spot.

"I take it you encountered something fruitful?"

The young man smirked at the question and took off his cloak, his simple clothing underneath betraying nothing save for his normally pale skin and lanky frame. "Oh most certainly, just not what I had initially intended to find."

"Oh?" The bodiless voice asked intrigued. "It must be quite the pleasant surprise if you are this elated. Do I spy a skip in your step?"

"Surely you jest. I don't even know how to skip. Such a pointless motion." The silver haired medic snorted. "… Tell me, what is the first thing that comes to mind when Gods are spoken of?"

"Gods?" The companion questioned as if tasting the word. "It may be hypocritical coming from me, but they are an elusive dream and scapegoat of humans. They are something that they must place on a pedestal above kings and daimyo in order to place their greatest hopes and blames on. When a man attempts to be one, or claims to be one, they are most of the time merely speaking of power that cannot be surmounted by the rest of the known world."

"And should they exist?" Kabuto continued as he continued further into the base. "What would define a genuine God for you?"

There was a brief silence. "Something that exceeds a human's limitation to describe in a concrete definition. A force of nature with some degree of sentience, unrestricted by the mere limitations that is imposed by living on this planet, no, any planet. Affecting everything in a way that we accept their influence as the way things are without questioning it. Definition given will in a sense. When they change, the world itself adjusts naturally to follow suit. Most importantly though, something that would not bother with the petty squabble of humanity."

"… Unless of course, they had nothing better to do." Kabuto corrected with a wry and eager grin.

"… Go on." The voice implored, clearly interested in what the medic had to say on the subject.

"It appears that recent events have been slightly influenced by the higher forces. Some for the greater good… and others simply on childish whims. All of it ultimately done not for the peace of mankind, but to create a story to observe with an exciting but unknown ending." He continued.

"Humph. If past events truly were influenced by the gods, why would the ending be unknown to them?"

"Simple. They did not bother to see the ending yet as it would spoil the surprise." Kabuto answered as if the answer was obvious. "Who are we to question what they should and should not know? Would it not be logical to assume that they can choose what they would and would not know in the first place?"

"Much like a book… yes, I suppose that does make sense." The voice admitted. "Still the fact remains that the idea of actual Gods residing here and taking notice of our activities now is absolutely preposterous…"

"It's the truth." Kabuto smiled genuinely. "And we have even encountered them several times already."

"Somehow I doubt that. Even so, what does it even do for us? How could we benefit from something like this even if it was true? Manipulating and controlling powerful beasts and spirits is well and good, but how does a human go about playing with the higher realm itself?"

The spy chuckled. "Why it's quite simple. We play along with their story… and give them exactly what they want."

o. o. o.

Omake (Note: not for the faint of heart or sound of mind): How to get most people to truly fear Crypt and Shadow in five words:

Scabbard stood on top of a podium in the middle of nowhere and cleared his throat. "They reverse rape tentacle monsters. Have fun with that."

o. o. o.

Omake: To memories. New… Old… and better off forgotten.

Naruto and Gaara returned to the outside world more or less intact.

"Could you have waited at least a day before doing this?" The Kazekage grimaced. Shukaku's surprisingly more stable chakra was making it surprisingly hard for him to stay awake at the moment when combined with his exhaustion.

"Most likely." The blond shrugged as he went through the scrolls he had on him and found the one he was looking for. Moments later he pulled out a bottle of foreign alcohol and a couple of glasses. "Now then, now that business is done with, I say that a toast is in order."

Gaara frowned. "Naruto, you know that alcohol is looked down on here for a reason. We have to manage our water carefully and…"

"And you defended Suna, drove away two Akatsuki, war's about to begin, and then there's the most important reason to drink of all."

The Kazekage paused. For some reason an ominous chill ran up his spine at the pitying look his friend was giving him. "Most important reason?"

Naruto put the glasses down on Gaara's desk and began to pour with a solemn gaze. "Gaara… don't pretend that you managed to sprout Shukaku's tail in its full glory and Shadow-nee has yet to find out…"

The room was silent for a good half a minute as the pair stared at one another… with the more mature of the two's eyes slowly widening in realization, revelation, fear, and finally trauma.

"You suppressed the memories didn't you?"

In response, sand appeared in front of the Kazekage and began to compress itself so strongly that it turned into a glass nearly three times the size of the one his friend produced. "That better be some good shit Naruto, because if it isn't I'm going to murder you in cold blood for making me remember that hellish experience."

The blond teen chuckled as he began to pour. "To memories it is then. Cheers."

o. o. o.

Omake: Third times' the charm:

Konoha Hospital:

Ghost shivered in his bed, stuck in a full body cast and unable to move in the slightest. "Why do I suddenly fear a great fear?"

A subtle knock on his door caught his attention before it opened and revealed an older, more mature, and gently smiling Hinata Hyuga.

"Ah. That's why."

"Hello Ghost-sensei. I heard you were back."

The door quietly closed behind her.

"Where's Naruto-kun?"

The room was deadly silent as the two parties stared at one another as if sizing the other up… daring the other to make the first move.

And then a sudden storm of air launched the injured party complete with bed through the sixth story window and to the concrete below.

Smart man.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Welp. There's another chapter. Sorry for the wait, but writers block has really been getting to me lately. I know what I want, but actually writing it has been a bit more annoying.

I must admit, part of the reason why it took so long was because I was playing Monster Hunter 3 for the 3ds… and playing… and playing… and playing… yeah, I've been on that thing for a while.

So long story short, I got the condo. Lost my job. Found a renter, who I found out later is the recently divorced father of an old high school friend that moved away and used to be a woman but is now a guy. Traveled to NYC and all over Connecticut a few times to find a job. Somehow got accepted into this heavy program that trains IT specialists (I'm getting the Manager training) for fortune 500 companies, and I'll have virtually no life come the end of May.

Oh, and I'm 24 as of roughly 3 weeks ago.

Yeah. I had a lot of stuff happen recently.

So odds are a few people are going to be a bit irked about how I'm treating Naruto, primarily how I just out of the blue gave him a personality disorder… well, another one to add to the voices in his head. I did this on purpose to make this realistic as much as possible. Ghost has long been messing with his head, and while it is often funny, there are consequences and darker aspects to this.

There is a reason why Ghost and most of the Oogakari treats virtually everything like a joke and not a problem, and it's not simply because it helps him deal with it easier. It's because he really doesn't care about the consequences of these problems because 1. most of the time they have nothing to do with him and 2. He's seen so much vastly worse things in his travels that most of the time these problems are as dire to a child crying over an ice cream cone to him. The reason why he helps people out is because he simply wants to do good things every once in a while as a halfway decent guy, but he doesn't really care about the people he's helping.

Due to Naruto's experience, which will be elaborated on later, he's not dead to feeling other people's plights, but he is absolutely without pity now. This means that he is more likely to kill and do cruel things now if needed, though he as a person is still against it as a general rule and prefers to help people in trouble out.

And yes. I made Gaara bloody EPIC and gave Kankuro a ninjutsu railgun. Once again. A FUCKING. NINJUTSU. RAILGUN.

Oh yeah. As for Shukaku being in sage mode all the time, come on. It had to be done sooner or later. I mean just look at the guy!

So… I think that's it for now! Sorry for the wait guys!

Review! Worship the Log! Beware of falling immortals from the sixth story of hospitals! And REVIEW AGAIN!