Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

17. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen: Supersaturated Monty.

Three is to get ready. Get ready mother fuckers, 'cause this is where everything blows.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"This is by far, one of the most disgusting and disturbing things I have ever seen in my life." Tsunade deadpanned at the sight in front of her.

"As a doctor, I can't approve of this for… anyone really." Shizune wept. "But no one ever listens to us unless it's an emergency."

"Puihihihihiiiii." Tonton wept in fear and anguish in Shizune's arms, albeit for different reasons than her owner.

"Welcome to the minority, where people don't give a damn about what you think or say at all despite pretending the opposite." Shadow patted Shizune on the back in a falsely friendly manner. "Isn't diplomacy grand?"

"We're a military dictatorship." Tsunade pointed out factually.

"Technically, it's still a democracy, one man, one vote: the Hokage is the man, and he gets the vote. But that's what blackmailing and mass chained favors are for. Politics." The immortal smirked sarcastically before being distracted by smells coming from her brother's direction and began to drool. "Ooooh… I love it when Ghost does this. I don't care if it's illegal in half the multiverse. The man is magic in the kitchen."

"The Akimichi and the Inuzuka share your thoughts unfortunately." Tsunade sighed as she watched members of the two clans, and the hounds, resemble Shadow, hovering where Ghost was cooking up some sort of culinary abomination made of twelve kinds of meat, bacon, spices, bacon, more meat, and bacon. Then he chained the damn thing together into a massive circle of steaming meat which could be smelled throughout the clan district.

He called it the Peruvian Devil's Oroboros Cut. Non stop deadly cholesterol without a beginning or an end. The meat, spice, and fat saturated odor that it gave off was so strong that it had actually managed to cause some elderly individuals to go into cardiac arrest under some unfortunate circumstances.

"Oh Man! Chouji's gonna kill me when he hears about this!" Kiba grinned as he shoved people about in the crowd, just like everyone else.

o. o. o.

With Chouji:

The largest teen in the convoy suddenly stopped in his tracks. "Huh? My Akimichi instincts are telling me to kill Kiba."

"Ino. What have we told you about screwing with Chouji's head?" Sakura glared at the blonde girl. "He's one of the few genuinely nice people of our group that doesn't make people run away from us or make them uncomfortable on sight. We need him to stay sane for our public relations."

"It wasn't me this time! I swear!"

o. o. o.

"What the hell is this for again?" The Kage asked out loud, hoping for someone to explain this latest brand of insanity that had infected her home. She was slightly worried that Ghost's latest horror may cause the two clans to secretly worship his monstrous creations as holy gifts from above if he overdid it this time.

"A fund raiser for health awareness." Shadow deadpanned, only to have her head slammed through the ground by Waltz from behind.

"There's a limit to how dumb you can pretend to be." The elderly looking immortal chastised her before looking at the Hokage. "It's a fund raiser yes, but for retired shinobi that need psychiatric aid getting used to civilian life. You lot may be good at hiding your secrets, but having those that do live to retirement dealing with unaddressed P.T.S.D. is not something Konoha can ignore. We were curious about it one day, so yes, we know the real numbers of retirees that have snapped and caused issues here. The only reason why it isn't a bigger issue is because half the populace here is capable enough to shut down the ones that do freak out before it gets too out of hand."

"Give us a break, it's not like we haven't brought it up before." Shizune countered. "Tsunade-sama and I have told the council of this issue but-"

"They claim all they need is more training to get through civilian life." The old man shook his head in annoyance. "Fools. A lifetime of training, conditioning, and life risking missions doesn't simply go away. For most it never does. Clan members are slightly better off because they can still put their skills to other uses to curb their stress, but the standard soldier doesn't have such easily accessible outlets and means to adjust."

"I take it this isn't the first time you've seen this mismanagement end poorly," Tsunade leered at the old man curiously.

"We have had several fellows and students suffer terribly from it in the past. Naruto barely even qualifies compared to many of them. Ending war and strife is a good thing in the long run, but peace in itself can bring to light horrors that one would not expect." The old man muttered sadly. "One student of Scabbard's was so unsuited for civilian life that he ended up killing his wife and daughter in sheer paranoia when he developed a form of stressed induced dementia. His mind was fading but his skills, unfortunately for his family, didn't. When he realized what he had done he had gone missing for a week and when we found him… well he didn't come quietly."

Considering the fact that putting him down involved destroying a major suburb of a technologically advanced city, he was putting it mildly. Scabbard's students always did have a bad habit of inheriting their master's appeal for subterfuge, explosives, and collateral damage.

"So you're trying to help us nip this in the bud as opposed to what you normally do?" The blonde woman asked curiously.

"You mean kick back, relax, and watch people ruin their lives by themselves?" Shadow grunted as she picked herself out of the ground and brushed dirt out of her hair. "That's only when idiots with their heads up their asses are the stars of the show, or when there's quality entertainment around. You'd have to be a sick person to actually enjoy normal people struggle to try and adapt to a peaceful life style but can't because they are just too used to killing and battle."

"This coming from the woman that thrives on the misery and suffering of the masses?" Shizune rose an eyebrow skeptically. "Kinda hypocritical."

"Its minor suffering that can be treated quickly." The immortal whistled innocently. "Heals faster with a Band-Aid… and maybe some windex…"

"Do I have to remind you how badly you scarred Konohamaru and his friends last week?" Waltz rolled his eyes.

"… and a trip to the local shrink. Two tops."

"Inoichi must love the business you've been providing him." Tsunade sighed, spotting the Yamanaka Clan Leader standing uncomfortably next to a near rabid looking Chouza who was clearly getting impatient for his food.

"Why do you think he's here?" Waltz snorted. "He's the one getting the money so he can train new shrinks to deal with everything. The poor man hasn't been able to get any time to go out on missions for over a year."

"I wonder why." Shizuke muttered under her breath accusingly.

"On the plus side, the Yamanaka Clan has grown more popular lately with the community." Shadow grinned proudly. "It's free publicity!"

"Shizune, remind me to assign more shinobi to psychology and intelligence department after this." Tsunade's hand once more was reacquainted with its dear friend, her forehead. "And not simply for retired shinobi that are adapting to civilian life again."

"I read you loud and clear Tsunade-sama." The assistant wept comical tears. "Too clearly."

"Pussies." The female Oogakari grumbled childishly as she watched the crowed from the sidelines. "Speaking of Inuzuka and mind fucking…"

"We got a message from one of Scabbard's resources this morning." Tsunade sighed. "Hana and Anko are fine, but they've come across something at the end of their mission and are investigating it."

""It" as in you don't know or "it" as in too dangerous to put on paper?" Waltz raised a bushy white eyebrow.

""It" as in I'll find out when they get back and determine if "it" is important enough to be gone for this long." The Kage huffed in annoyance. Admittedly this wasn't the first time that she had been put in this situation. Shinobi were trained to be secretive, so things like this happened from time to time.

"Must have been pretty important." Shadow mused with a careless air as if she didn't care. "Not much would have kept those two from meeting up with Ghost after he got back. Anko was bitching about being blue balled to her tits before she left."

"And Hana?" Shizune knew she probably shouldn't have asked, but her morbid curiosity overwhelmed her.

"Same thing." The immortal chuckled. "She was bitching about Anko being blue balled to her tits."

"Walked right into that one." Tsunade downed another sake cup to try and drown out the last thirty seconds of their conversation into oblivion.

"Like walking into a brick wall or a laser fence." Waltz mimicked Tsunade's movements perfectly with the same goal in mind. Shame they were both medics with supernatural powers. Alcohol poisoning had a tendency to take longer to finally kick in.

"Ghost better hurry his ass up. Some of those Inuzuka hounds look like they're about to turn rabid. Their partners and the Akimichi don't look much better… not that I can blame them. That much bacon would have any carnivore go nuts." The immortal female didn't sound too patient with how long it was taking the meal to finish either.

"Puihihihihiiii." Tonton continued to lament loudly.

"Oh quit your blubbering. We made sure that we weren't using anyone you knew when we were getting the products."

"That's not the point Shadow and you know it." Waltz chastised his sister.

"You are a terrible person." Shizune stressed her statement, as if exemplifying just how bad Shadow really was.

"What? It's not like we're serving people." Shadow took an affronted stance before looking around warily and leaning in to whisper. "Between you and me, you aren't missing much. Even in the worlds where humans are bred like cattle for food and resources, the meat is way too gamey and stringy. I mean sure there are some guys out there that can work magic in the kitchen. Hannibal once made us that beautiful roast with the stuffed peppers and oh man that guy works like a pro… but yeah most of the time we barely taste like dirty pigs and…"

WHAM!

"And that's enough about that." Waltz smiled nervously as his staff pinned the writhing immortal female's head against the ground, preventing her from speaking.

"Would you be at all affronted if I told you we are no longer hungry?" Tsunade was completely emotionless save for a green face.

"Not in the slightest."

"BACON!" The shouts of Akimichi and Inuzuka thrummed through the air in a unified cry.

"The scary thing is, I don't think I've ever seen members of these two clans so unified before," Tsunade sighed, "Even during the last war."

"Truly the power of meat and artificial preservatives is unparalleled." Wise words came from the wise old drunk man.

"You're not going to have some of that monstrosity are you?" The Kage looked at him warily. "A bite of that thing would stop even your heart."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take." The old man grinned wryly. "If you think this is bad, you should have seen it when Ghost and another chef friend of ours…"

At once the three immortals, Tsunade, Shizune, Kiba, Akamaru, Inoichi, and surprisingly enough Tsume and Kuromaru turned to look at the same direction.

Whatever the immortal was about to say instantly died in his mouth as a peculiar feeling washed over the area like a faint cloud. Not everyone detected it, no, most didn't. It could be compared to someone blowing a dog whistle from a distance, a distant call. Only those with the right range of senses felt it.

It normally wouldn't have even been noticed if it weren't for the fact that it stood out so drastically, like a wrong note in a harmonious symphony. It was more akin to a disturbing sensation that traveled up the Hokage's spine. Its very nature grated against her nerves, like a bad smell or the sound of nails on a chalkboard.

"What the?" Tsunade frowned as she tried to make sense of what she was feeling.

"You feel it too Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked. "What is it?"

"… Something that shouldn't be here." Waltz muttered softly, but with a finality that left no room for argument.

"I get that much." The Hokage voiced her thoughts. "But what could we have done to…"

"No." Shadow interrupted her, also with a soft tone that brokered no leeway, her eyes looking off in the distance as if she was in a daze. The fact that she wasn't planted head first into the dirt anymore didn't cross anyone's mind. She wasn't frowning, instead settling for a completely emotionless expression that was completely unlike what she was like normally and made her look a good five to ten years older. "He said it shouldn't be here because we in particular took steps to make it so."

She briefly frowned in confusion. "It feels familiar... is it that annoying schemer Mikaboshi again?"

"No, that one's too subtle for something this flashy," Waltz grunted, "Besides, considering how spectacularly its plans in its multiverse backfired, I believe it's not going to be able to pay us much mind for a good while."

That… and there's the fact that everyone from that neighborhood knows what will happen if they try to spread shit outside their borders again. Amazing how little Gods tend to network outside their personal circles.

And they called Scab unsocial.

"Yeah, beside, this presence is much weaker." Shadow pointed out. "Much more manageable. Khorne maybe?"

"Didn't Crypt already pay him a beating five years ago?" Waltz replied.

"You mean a visit?" Tsunade asked, trying to make sense out of it.

"Yeah, a beating, like between two retarded drunk frat boys arguing over their favorite cheap soda brand," Shadow replied, following it with a small snort. "Nah, on second thought it isn't him. Too much elation and emotion tied into it. It's an empath variant, not a natural rule."

"Wonderful. Another supposed "god of evil"." The bitter sarcasm spat out of Waltz' mouth. "If we had a dime every time one of those showed up… they're like bloody cockroaches."

Funny enough, they actually knew the true Elder God of Evil personally. The all-encompassing embodiment of misfortune and malicious intent was surprisingly a very accommodating and social existence if you could manage to stay sane and resist its influence in its presence. Evil did take many forms after all, and not all of them were particularly bad or mind scarring. "Evil" was a rather subjective term at times after all.

It cheated like fuck whenever it was playing a game or in a competition though. Scab was the only one in their group that willingly still went up against it frequently… mostly because he still won most of the time. They had an interesting relationship going on there.

A deep growling echoed throughout their bones as Zuzushi slowly manifested herself on her container's shoulders, looking in the same direction as everyone else with enraged fiery pink eyes. Each ripple of sound emitted from her small body reverberated through more than just air, flesh, and fluid, but through time, space, and reality itself. Everything about them for a short time shook at the seemingly small creature's displeasure, if only slightly. In fact, the small oscillations traveled far and wide across the land to the point that several locations had mistaken it for a minor earthquake, the sort that most individuals would barely even notice.

Clearly she was not pleased by this turn of events either.

"And the food is ready!" Ghost shouted explosively before any of the shinobi there could react to the dragon's sudden expression of displeasure. The Inuzuka hounds in particular had been unnerved by the primal being's reaction, and for good reason. "Prepare for a culinary abomination that transcends all cultures, worlds, health standards, decency, and causes people from animal rights organizations to have seizures just by looking at it!" He paused for a moment to make sure that everyone was paying attention to him before adding a manly "BACON!" for good measure.

"BACON!" The crowd shouted back with gusto as they swarmed the buffet with gusto. It would be later noted that several Inuzuka hounds that were thought to be incapable of human speech learned their first word that day.

"Calm yourself Master." The elderly man whispered so softly that even the Inuzuka wouldn't be able to hear him. Zuzushi might be whimsical and care free under most circumstances, however she was still a dragon of unimaginable age and pride. Fiercely territorial and quick to anger whenever anything larger than what it considered to be an insect made itself known on its possessions. "Whoever has trespassed onto our territory will regret it soon enough."

The fool had decided to make its grand appearance near their brother. A brother who was not only very much insane, but had, in a rare moment of coherence, admitted lusting for a real fight for far too long.

It only took a brief check for Waltz to know that Fuu's group was practically at ground zero, and the knowledge did not comfort him at all. No doubt there would be questions and accusations from all of this once word got back. He had no misgivings that this time, in one way or another, they would be shouldering the entirety of the blame.

He only hoped the madman that was his brother would remember to not kill his allies this time.

Crypt was the unique sort of individual who tended to be more violent and indiscriminate the saner he became.

And he was his most sane when engaged with something that could actually fight back.

… Just like he used to be.

o. o. o.

"AHHHHHH!" Fuu screamed at the top of her lungs as she grabbed her skull so hard that she began to bleed. Even now it was becoming apparent that she was losing control over her biju as demonic chakra began to leak from her body. Not enough to make a cloak, but enough that it was visible to the naked eye. "Choumei! Stop! It hurts! You're tearing me apart!"

Hiruzen was faring little better as he also held his head with one hand, trying desperately to filter out the tremendous foreign influence on his mind.

Blood. Rage. Hate. Massacre. Murder. Strife. Rape. Kill. Savage. Revel. Mutilate. Torture. Sacrifice.

HATE HATE HATE HATE!

Disgusting ideas and urges assaulted his mind, pressing him to destroy anything and everything around him. He had never encountered a genjutsu like this before, but the overwhelming sensation that carried them over the area, that absolute feeling of undiluted power…

… That was something he did learn and experience once before.

When he had died in the previous timeline.

"What…" He repeated himself as he looked in the direction of the source. "… on earth is a God doing here?"

"Naaaaaaarrrrrgggghhh!" Kakuzu roared in madness and rage as he thrashed about, clearly more affected by this new force that attacked everyone indiscriminately. Trees and foliage about him were pierced through by the wildly flailing tendrils that shot out of his body in ways that they should not have, if the blood emerging from his burnt figure was any indication.

Managing to get a hold over himself, the old monkey moved to grab the agonizing jinchuriki and ran away with her just before they were caught in the mindless devastation. The fact that the girl's corrosive chakra was eating at his skin didn't even register, compared to the ominous pressure around them.

"Hiruzen." Enma grunted in his other arm. "I can't stay here much longer. The God's influence is overpowering me. I can barely hold myself back from going feral and trying to tear you apart. Humans are number to the influences of nature than animals are. It's why the biju in the girl is going wild."

"Go then! I'll figure something out!" The Kage snapped, his summon disappearing almost instantly. His mind went over what little he knew about Gods and how to survive being near them, when he remembered something that the Oogakari mentioned in passing long ago.

Once more the monkey hiding in the leaves was walking on the ground, and while the beast was clearly not comfortable with the current situation, it was significant enough to resist the outside influence.

"Fuu! Use your Presence!" Hiruzen ordered the girl.

"HOW?!" The girl snarled in both frustration and pain as the power of her demon began to pervade her body.

"Pretend I have you under a genjutsu or we're training again!" The old man snarled. He knew his temper wasn't this bad normally, but even while putting up a good resistance, he was not immune for the otherworldly power surrounding them. His confusion and alarm was being used as a foothold for the more extreme emotions to go wild.

"FINE YOU FUCKING OLD SHIT!" The jinchuriki snapped back, wrenching herself from his grip and flying back away from him.

Her scaled insect wings became more pronounced and larger, almost as if the body that was connected to them barely even mattered. Large, beautiful, reflecting the light around them in an almost alien fashion, emitting clouds of scales and powders with each beat, and capable of beating at frequencies to make sounds and music that humans would never be able to imitate… perfection that no other realm of nature nor technology could match…

"ARE YOU HAPPY… now?" The girl blinked and continued to cradle her head, grimacing as she managed to get a grasp of something other than the pain she had been experiencing, demonic chakra receding into her body. "Ugh. Man that's one hell of a trip… Choumei's not doing much better…"

"I can't argue against that." Hiruzen muttered as he finally noticed the chakra burns on his arm. "I don't suppose you could do anything about this."

"This?" She blinked in confusion before seeing the damage she did and paled. "Oh shit! Did I… sorry sorry sorry!"

The girl rushed forward and instantly began to pull back the lingering traces of the Bijuu's power in her teacher's limb. The damage was still there, but the spreading and infection had stopped somewhat. "It's not your fault. Everyone was caught off guard from this turn of events."

A large series of explosions and yells took place not only from where Kakuzu was but from the direction of Gai's team as well… which was the source of the current disturbance.

"What the hell is going on?" The girl muttered as she floated higher to see what was happening. "Choumei's barely saying anything outside of snarls and loud roars. Hell he sounds more rabid than when I first saw him mad."

"It's a God." Hiruzen answered immediately with a sour look.

"A… wait, you mean a God God?" Fuu's face was a mix between shock, disbelief, and unparalleled fear.

"When you experience one stick their essence through your soul to take another's, and then spend some years in its stomach, you tend to remember such power and anything that could be associated with it." The Kage grunted with distaste. "Make no mistake though, we are not dealing with Death this time. Regrettably I fear the entity called upon today is one far more unpleasant."

"How the… why? Why one here now?" The girl tried to make sense of the situation. "How are we even supposed to deal with something absurd like that?!"

"I don't know, but staying here and asking questions won't get us anywhere." The old monkey rushed towards the commotion…

He launched himself to the ground and Fuu shot up as a single horizontal fine line sliced through the entirety of the forest, bisecting all of the trees that had remained standing from the previous fighting with Kakuzu.

"The fuck?!" Fuu shouted in surprise as she wove around the falling debris that threatened to drag her down to the ground. Even she didn't know if she swore because of the absurd attack coming out of nowhere or the fact that the pressure that was driving her and her biju mad was getting heavier with every passing moment.

Hiruzen didn't even have an opportunity to voice his reactions as he barely managed to shunshin himself out of the way of four bodies moving at such high speeds hammering at one another so harshly and frequently that he had felt them approaching and dodged before he had seen or even heard any of them getting close.

The falling debris and remaining living parts of the trees all appeared to spontaneously explode or disintegrate to anyone who wasn't capable of following extreme high speed movements.

It was complete chaos.

What Hiruzen and Fuu failed to recognize had come upon them was an all-out brawl between Gai, Kin, and Lee all with four of their gates open against Hidan…

… Or what could only be assumed was Hidan. They couldn't be sure what he was anymore.

The monster's arms had been hacked off of his body and were still lying about somewhere in the debris forgotten among the destruction. However, that did not seem to matter anymore.

Polluted red, white, and black chakra leaked from his wounds and took the form of clawed arms with spines and irregular spikes jutting out at odd angles around the edges and dual wielding the last of his collapsible pikes. His skin appeared to be so pale that it was transparent, revealing the outlines and colors of his muscle fibers and bones underneath and making him appear to be a twisted, possessed, school health manikin that's been torn apart too many times.

His too many visible veins pulsed with black fluids where he wasn't clothed or covered in it already, further giving him an absurd and corrupted appearance. He drooled uncontrollably from his perpetually grinning mouth. His wounds seemed to open irregularly to reveal his bodily contents to the world as if to show that they did not matter at all.

However, the scary part was that he had stopped swearing. He was just laughing maniacally, while his eyes were slowly changing, the humanity within them vanishing.

Hidan was barely in control anymore. Something was taking over.

Every time his blood fell upon a plant or animal, it would seep into it and stain it black. Tree branches contorted as if in pain if enough fell on them, and twisted into something almost akin to clawed hands. A squirrel that hadn't been foolish to escape earlier had been splashed in the passing of the battle. Moments later it had lost half of its fur and had gone absolutely ballistic, chasing after whatever moved in a mindless rabid rage.

If his original transformations made his face look absurd and terrifying, Hidan's new one made him look like a genuine eldritch nightmare. Especially when his eyes had lost their irises and were glowing an ominous dull pearl color, the same tint that could be seen on a corpse.

Strategy.

Tactics.

Planning.

All had been abandoned in the assault against the empowered madman radiating with enough abnormal power to influence the minds and foundations of everything around him just by existing.

Not that he cared. Judging from the hysterical mad laughter thrumming through the air among the ringing bells, explosions, and collisions of flesh against flesh, the guy sounded as if he was having the time of his life.

Faster than what most would even consider imaginable, he had swiped at Lee with one of his weapons while flipping upside down before kicking away one of Gai's nun chucks. The force enabled him to twist his body enough to get power to deflect Kin's battle axe with his other weapon and follow through with the first.

The follow through attack was rendered useless by Lee who had rebounded off of some flying debris and hammered into Hidan's side with the force of a bomb complete with a shockwave that splintered anything made of wood nearby.

The Akatsuki and the Assassin went flying in separate directions once reality realized what had just happened, and while Lee managed to recover quickly, Hidan was unable to do so as his head was met with Gai's steel hard shin…

… No. The skull and the leg were separated by the two inches of reinforced metal that made the diameter of Hidan's spike.

Realizing that his attack failed, Gai pushed his leg forward to throw the man away just before the second spike came up to tear through his femoral artery.

Having been able to redirect the force at the last moment, Hidan directed himself towards a falling tree top before using it as a platform to launch himself back at Kin, thrusting a spike forward and somehow elongating it with his corrupted power, making it snake towards her at unnatural angles.

The Fae however was as agile as she was powerful, and using both the tree she had been standing on to jump to the side, as well as shifting her massive weapon in a way to move her body at an awkward angle, just barely managed to prevent herself from getting pierced by the tool before spinning around with her battle axe to strike back.

Mii-Dera struck true as it sunk deep into the madman's side, making all of its bells to ring in unison. Had it been anyone else, the target would have either blacked out from the damage, collapsed from the pain, or instantly been put under an extremely powerful genjutsu from the vibrations of the bells traveling through the body. In any case it would have been a death sentence.

However none of those things happened, as the body belonged to an immortal possessing irregular chakra that was barely altered from the illusionary effects of the weapon.

Hidan roared fearsomely as his other arm came in at point blank range to pierce through the shocked Kin's head…

And was subsequently severed as Lee's knife slashed through it instantly while at the same time the boy dropkicked the axe to dislodge it from the target's body.

All three of them spun away from the impact of Lee's interference wildly, and landed on the freshly cut tops of some nearby trees without any issue.

"POWER... UNLIMITED POWER!" The Akatsuki bellowed as the stump that his severed corrupted arm had been attached to emitted more putrid miasmic energy, whipping about and extending almost limitlessly until it reattached to the falling limb and reattached it. More raw chaotic ooze spewed from the gouge in his side made by Kin, further enveloping his body to protect it and distort his already bizarre image. Before it had even finalized, the long connection had been whipped around and was channeling more power than before, causing the spike point to glow ominously…

The following angular slash seemingly bisected the world in front of him, segregating the already mutilated trees and ground below such that a ten meter wide fissure that extended out of sight was made instantly.

"That's enough!" A proud beast roared from behind, followed by a pair of crippling nun chuck strikes that shattered not only the collar bones, shoulder bones, and spine of Hidan, but even the tree he had been standing on. The impact manifested a tremendous crater that reached the tip of the valley that had been made just moments before.

The dust kicked up from his impact with the ground didn't even start to fall before he had shot out from the cloud and once more engaged with Gai in a furious and mad Taijutsu brawl that had both of them tearing through the damaged landscape while rapidly fading in and out of sight. It could only be assumed that the two green blurs rapidly chasing after the devastation were Lee and Kin.

"What the hell?!" Fuu shouted as she tried to keep up with the chaos.

"Hokage-sama! Fuu-san! Are you two ok?!" Neji shouted as he managed to catch up to the group, panting heavily. Despite emitting his own presence and running fast, it was clear he had had better days as he was bleeding from his right hand and his face was covered in minor scratches.

"Again! What the hell?!" The Jinchuriki stressed her statement while pointing to the fighting nearby.

"I don't know." The Hyuuga shook his head. "We all but had him. Both of his arms were torn off and we had him pinned, but for some absurd reason he started to use Presence at the last moment and then became… that."

"He used Presence?!" Hiruzen blinked in disbelief.

Neji grimaced. "We are just as surprised. It wasn't strong at first, but then, I don't know, it looked like something else leaked into him and changed… no, replaced it. Luckily, we were already using our own when he changed, so we weren't overwhelmed instantly. Sensei and the others barely had enough time to open the gates before he nearly tore us apart."

He sent a worried glance at the monstrous creature. "And as bad as the Oogakari can be at times, I highly doubt that they are responsible for this one, even if they are the only ones that originally knew how to use it. What about Kakuzu?"

"Still thrashing about over there." Fuu nodded her head to an area slightly to the side of where the main combat was happening, until the fighting turned to his direction and another particularly large explosion was seen, causing her to wince. The trail of kicked up debris in the direction of the cliff they had been walking along indicated something was plowing up the earth. Given the girl's expression it was safe to assume that the Akatsuki had been caught blindsided. "… Or he was. The God's power overwhelmed him."

"A… did you say a God?" Neji stared at her dumfounded.

"Get in line." The Jinchuriki grumbled, knowing exactly what he was going through.

"Yes she did. I'll explain later but for now we have more important things to deal with." The former Kage pushed Neji out of the way as he himself moved to avoid another irrationally powerful slash of power that wrecked the landscape. "How much longer will those three last at this rate?"

"Kin can hold her own at best another five minutes. Lee and Gai probably ten to twenty." The Hyuga activated his eye to watch the battle closely. He knew the girl's body was conditioned to use the gates after being rescued by Orochimaru, however it still didn't have the absurd foundation that Gai and Lee had. Four gates was the highest she could go. "We hit Hidan with everything we have, but he keeps coming."

Getting directly involved was pointless, or so the aged Kage thought. He was in no shape to keep up with such a high speed battle, and neither was Neji despite his impressive skills. Fuu might have been able to if she used her demon's chakra, but given how badly the God's influence on her was from this distance there was no telling what could happen to her if she spent a long period of time in close proximity.

However there was also the issue of somehow stopping the mad priest at all. Normal lethal techniques didn't work on him in the first place, let alone now with his unexpected power up. Removing his limbs wouldn't work since he could just reattach or reform them, and only the most robust traps that restrained movement even had a chance of stalling him for a short period of time…

"His head." Neji spoke out the answer before Hiruzen managed to voice out the same conclusion. "It's the only way we can stop him at this point. We have to cut it off or destroy it, and keep it away from his body."

"It's risky and not even guaranteed to work." The old man nodded in agreement while simultaneously pointing out the flaws. "For all we know it might cause him to multiply."

"Unless you have a better idea, I don't see any other way." Neji countered with reluctance before his eye widened in alarm. Diving to the side, the Hyuuga caught a green and black missile that had torn through the nearby woods in their direction. He then was slammed through several more trees along with the missile until they stopped in the middle of a tree nearby with Kin in his arms.

"… Ow." The girl managed to gasp out, covered in bruises and scratches, her right arm barely holding onto her weapon.

"You're welcome." Neji grunted. Despite taking the brunt of the damage during the end of the flight, it was clear that he was in far better shape than she was.

"Ow." She repeated herself, this time with sarcasm clearly in her voice.

"Kin-chan. Status." Hiruzen ordered firmly in a tone that didn't accept joking around.

"Sensei and Lee are keeping him busy, but the guy is unstoppable." She grunted, struggling to pick herself out of her landing spot, but failing. She took a few further moments to regain her breath. "Our attacks either don't faze him or the damage is recovered almost instantly. He's fast and strong enough to keep up with all three of us at the same time to some degree, but his condition renders any advantage we have nearly useless. We knocked him around relentlessly but he barely seemed to notice. My genjutsu didn't work once he got like this either. Whatever this new power of his is, it isn't normal. All of us are going all out and it's barely keeping us at the status quo. Once Lee and Gai's gates stop working..." She coughed, having troubles moving.

The elderly man didn't flinch, as the implications were left unspoken. "You have reached your limit."

Kin winced at the comment. "… Yeah. Anymore and I'll be completely useless for at least a few months instead of a couple of weeks."

"What do we do?" Fuu looked at the old man skeptically. "We won't be able to run away with him in this state, and it's only a matter of time before we're overpowered."

Immune to most physical damage with rapid healing to boot, so most offensive ninjutsu was pointless. Immune to potent genjutsu. Irrational. Impulsive. Powerful. Fast. Violent. And channeling the power of an otherworldly being.

This sounded like a Jinchuriki going wild more than anything, and in all his years as a Kage, he's never heard of a Jinchuriki getting its head cut off in the middle of combat running hot on demon chakra.

Another set of screams followed by two tremendous spikes of chakra occupied the battle grounds and for a moment the world froze.

A short distance away they saw Hidan burst out of what little foliage remained standing in the forest right at them, his warped and mangled body contorting in unnatural ways. His arms had practically fused with his spikes, twisting and turning to assault them from bizarre angles.

Just as spontaneously, Lee and Gai were before him without any signs leading up to their appearance. Both burning an ominous blue aura. Both with skin a dark crimson. Both radiating pure power.

Both with their right arms back clenched in a tight fist.

""Hijutsu."" Master and student muttered darkly, raising their respective Presence to new heights.

They were two sides of the same coin. The kingdom of the living was their domain and their decisions were law.

The great proud beast that roared loudest for all to hear.

The deadly silent beast whose single strikes were ingrained into all that hunted.

"Ichiji Asa (First Dawn's)…"

"Saishu Yoru (Final Night's)…"

Together, their might and wrath was unquestioned.

As one they struck. Their arms moved so quickly that to even their spectators it appeared as if they didn't move at all. At best the limbs had blinked from reality for but a moment.

"SENKOU HOUOU (Flash Phoenix)!"

It was a technique that took properties from both Morning Peacock and Daytime Tiger, utilizing the fire producing effects of the former with the air manipulating and compression of the latter to produce a tremendously powerful and concentrated burning shockwave with one punch. In many ways, it could be considered the halfway mark between the two. It did not possess as much explosive potential as the Daytime Tiger, however its damaging results were still nothing short of devastating.

The greatest traits of this technique though, were the absurd speed at which it traveled and the high pitched bird like shriek it admitted as it raced through the air.

Just as fast as the three of them had appeared, so had the technique. Where the image of Hidan had been was now nothing but a mess of flying and immolated debris. A semicircle trail cored from the top remains of the forest, twenty meters in diameter travelling away from everyone and down the mountain. The trail was a glaringly obvious hint as to where the Akatsuki had disappeared to.

One point one five seconds later a large fireball was seen going off at the foot of the mound they were on, soon followed by a deafening shockwave and a burning gust of wind.

"… Fuck I love my boyfriend." Kin laughed feebly as she took in the damage. "Screw the girly looking pussies. I have a real man."

"Not on top of me please." Neji requested evenly from behind her and blatantly ignoring the "girly looking pussy" part of her comment.

"While I'm not against the youth of today exploring and expressing desires, there is a time and place for those sort of things." The former Kage leered at Kin. "Preferably not now, if you don't mind."

The old man turned back to the source of everyone's attention and softened his gaze a bit. Lee and Gai stood with their backs to them, radiating with power and still ready to move and fight at a moment's notice.

They've grown so much. The Kage thought to himself proudly. This generation is already able to stand alongside their predecessors, and yet they still have so much more time to develop even further. How much have we missed, playing the games of politics behind our walls?

"And they call Choumei a monster." Fuu laughed nervously as she took in the damage done by the pair. "All that from one taijutsu technique? That's just not right. Not right at… you have got to be kidding me!"

The source of Fuu's frustration was very likely the source of black power that was spotted in the distant flames.

"Oh come on. Let me have my moment to swoon you fucking cock block." Kin cursed annoyed while Neji attempted to ignore what she said from behind her.

"He certainly is a hardy one." Gai grunted, finally speaking since his appearance.

"We can't keep this up Hokage-sama." Lee's unnaturally calm tone matched Gai's.

Hidan could reattach limbs rapidly, was horrifically empowered by an unknown source to the point that he was keeping up with two taijutsu masters with most of their gates open in hand to hand combat, could shake off virtually any brand of physical attack in seconds, and was as incoherent as a wild animal.

Cutting his head off was a desperate tactic at best. They needed something more absolute.

Desperate times for desperate measures.

Seals it was.

"Hold him off." The Kage's tone was final and firm as he addressed the two men in front of him. The sort that held a confidence that he knew something, and that was enough for them to do what he said when he said it.

He was not sending them to die, and he did not expect either one of them to by the time his plan was enacted.

The two beasts nodded before vanishing via pure speed. Within moments the sounds of what could be considered small explosives going off were heard once again a short distance away.

"You three recover and keep an eye out for any problems. Kakuzu is still alive and we haven't discovered who their long range backup is. Stay low and don't fight unless you need to. We can't afford any further setbacks." The Kage ordered his remaining three teammates as he adjusted his gear and looked at the chaos he was about to head straight into.

"Are you certain Hokage-sama?" Neji asked skeptically. "Not to overstep my position, but I doubt you will be able to keep up with Sensei and Lee in their current state."

"I know my limitations boy." The old monkey grunted irritably, the effects of the God getting to him again. "You don't have to remind me of them."

A quick shunshin later he was on the outside of a brawl that would have many of his seasoned shinobi running far from to avoid being instantly killed. Streaks of white, green, black and red ran rampant everywhere while the sound barrier was punched through so many times that the temperature here was a good dozen degrees higher than normal and made it difficult to see clearly in some areas.

It didn't help that the shockwaves being perpetually produced were slamming into the old man's chest several times a second either. He was going to get his heart checked as soon as possible as soon as this was over to make sure that his pulse wasn't getting screwed over.

He then had to shunshin again to avoid getting instantly slashed in half by a black blur that he could only assume to be Hidan. He held back a swear, berating himself for foolishly moving so close to the fight. Then he berated himself for being so out of touch that he actually had the impulsive urge to swear in the first place.

Neji was right in a sense. He was old. Too old. In his prime he would have had only some trouble keeping up blow for blow in the fight in front of him, but now? It would be suicide.

Thankfully he didn't intend do go into the fray in the first place.

After making sure that he wasn't going to be attacked wildly with his guard down, the Kage bit the thumb of his right hand while taking out several tags of paper with his left before writing down kanji at a rapid speed.

Thankfully his penmanship was not one of the many things that had decayed over the years. So far at least.

He looked up more frequently than he did keep track of his writing. If he was interrupted, better to escape and try again later than needlessly risk everything like a fool. The details of what the combatants were doing eluded him as they were moving too quickly to follow. Given the glowing crimson that accompanied the green blurs along with the greater intensity of chakra that came from them, it was fairly safe to say that Gai and Lee were putting everything they had into turning their opponent into a pile of mulched meat and bone.

He didn't try to hide though. With Hidan so close and emitting so much horrid power, there was no way the old monkey could remain sane without emitting his Presence, which would betray his location instantly. Lee's Presence, despite its potency, functioned in a way that hid the boy if he wished to hide until he struck at the ideal moment, however he was the exception, not the rule.

Instead by standing out in the open and revealing his position, he allowed Gai and Lee to understand that he was up to something and thus tell them to protect him until he was ready. Given that the black blur that was Hidan constantly got smashed away from his position anytime he got too close, it was safe to say they had gotten the idea.

It really was a remarkable experience to Hiruzen as his hands moved as fast as his eyes followed the fighting. How long had it been since he had been forced in a position where he was on the sidelines, where the mere aftershocks and backlash of the fighting impacted him as strongly as any punch? How long had it been since he had been in a position where he was not the main fighter of the situation?

Yes… no doubt the time for his generation had passed. The leaves of old will nurture those that bud anew…

His body was slashed in half, along with the landscape behind him as Hidan managed to get through Gai's and Lee's counter assault.

Said body moments later exploded into a cloud of smoke, revealing a severed log.

"Amen."

Twelve red lights burst into existence around the mad man forty meters in every direction. Each glowing rolled up crimson tag was held by a shadow clone of the aged Kage making seals at an impossible pace.

"Get out of the area!" The Old Monkey roared to his allies. His message was absolute. Those that did not heed his knowledge would suffer the consequences, as it had been always…

A new shockwave ruptured the battlegrounds, and this time Hiruzen managed to follow the events before and after its birth.

At his warning, Gai and Lee both accelerated to speeds that had dwarfed what they had been at before. Gai had engaged in Hidan with renewed ferocity that matched his mood and personality, and for once was single handedly pushing the guy back.

But that had been a fluke as Lee struck like an invisible blade from behind, tearing off the man's legs with one arm, while the other grabbing the target's right arm and dislocated it in three points with one move. Then the teen proceeded to latch onto the madman's body, yanked, and dived backwards into a perfect Lotus, further separating the man from his severed limbs, which Gai had taken the liberty of chucking a small distance away.

Empowered or not, the enemy would not be able to get away for at least a few moments.

It took less than half a moment for Lee and Gai to reappear behind the aged Kage, skin burning red, veins throbbing, eyes pure white, and chakra radiating off of them as if they were jinchuriki, so hot that they were practically scorching the air around them.

The Third Hokage clapped his hands together in unison with his clones. "Fuuinjutsu. Bunritsu no Gendaieigo (Sealing Art: Segregation of the Modern Day)."

Colorless shimmers extended between all of clones, encasing the battleground in an irregular dome that didn't seem to do anything other than dull the colors on the inside…

"Hokage-sama." Gai frowned as he tried to determine what was happening. His skin color and body was slowly returning to normal alongside Lee's. "Will this work?"

"I hope so." Hiruzen didn't budge.

"Everything inside is slowing down…" Lee inspected the inside, relaxing at the same rate as his teacher before his eyes widened in surprise. "No… it's…"

"Stopping." Hiruzen pulsed his chakra in tune with his clones. "A forbidden sealing technique made by the Uzumaki. Only the highest ranked members in their clan, the Hokage, and select members of his guard know of its existence. It needs a dozen bodies to enact in addition to perfect timing, large amounts of chakra, and specialized tags. Anything inside the established boundaries will be frozen in time to the point that the inside and outside may be considered separate realities."

He had understated just how forbidden this move was. The history behind it was extensive despite it being used only once before, but it was ultimately responsible for not only the global fear of the Uzumaki's sealing prowess, but also the whirlpools that surrounded their village as well.

To this day, only select individuals in Konohagakure knew of the technique's existence, let alone the requirements needed to enact it and what it did.

It was also one of the first techniques Hiruzen learned once he had regained his memories of the previous timelines. He did not fear death, but he would be damned if he would be forced to resort to summoning the Shinigami and sacrificing his soul so bloody easily again. In fact it had been one of his first choices for dealing with the Edo Tensei summons Orochimaru had called upon during the Chunin Exam Invasion until Waltz had been uncovered.

He was the man that had supposedly mastered every bloody technique in the village that didn't require a bloodline, every jutsu, every illusion, every tactic… the fact that he had been pushed around so easily and quickly honestly disgusted him in hindsight.

He may be a kind old man, but he was also rumored to know every forbidden move in the entire damn country. If the world was at stake, he would without hesitation back that claim up as he should have last time.

"Uzumaki? You mean…" Lee blinked in mild curiosity. Despite his normal ecstatic personality, Lee had a tendency to become rather quiet and unexpressive whenever he was on the job. The fact that he had even shown that much curiosity showed how surprised he was.

"Naruto-kun has a very colorful lineage Lee-kun." Hiruzen allowed himself to smile faintly. "Though it still pales when compared to him in person, in my humble opinion."

"Astounding!" Gai grinned, allowing himself to relax even more. Even the mightiest of beasts acknowledged the power and authority of the aged and wise monkey. "Something like this should be expected of Hokage-sama!"

"The best cards to have are the ones no one knows of." The old monkey agreed before coughing a sum of blood to the shock of everyone else there. "This might be my last card of the day though."

As mentioned earlier, the technique took up an absurd amount of chakra. The area Hiruzen froze was a great deal smaller than the one the Uzumaki had affected nearly a century ago, only covering at most a fifty meter diameter circle, but it had been enough to drain him of everything he had left and then some. The fact that he had performed the move by himself with nothing but shadow clones in itself was a horrifically risky maneuver. The only reason why he managed to pull it off at all was due to his Presence increasing the quality of his chakra and power to the bare minimum needed.

"Should we retreat after this then?" Lee frowned. "You and Kin are no longer able to fight, and we still have an unknown assailant in addition to Kakuzu to deal with. Maybe more."

The Hokage agreed without taking his focus off of his technique, where the insides had been reduced to fading black and white lines that didn't seem like they were part of reality anymore…

And then there was nothing but an incompressible grey that seemed to consist of a mesh of every color that never existed in the first place.

"… Done. We can inform Taki and Konoha of the turn of events once we get away. We have to let everyone know what happ-!?"

Before any of them knew what had actually happened, a lance of pure black energy had shot out from the core of Hiruzen's barrier, from a reality that no longer should have been linked with the current one.

Power and chaos on an unimaginable scale threw the three shinobi, along with virtually everything else in a quarter mile radius, back relentlessly without mercy. Sounds mixed with pain mixed with emotions that had absolutely nothing to do with the situation formed a cocktail of unwanted information that flooded everyone's minds as they were thrown about without control for who knows how long.

The fact that he could see light, had trouble breathing, and had a massive pain in his back were Hiruzen's first clues that he was still alive.

Coughing out dust and other unknown substances, the former Kage managed to become aware of his surroundings in addition to his current status. Thankfully he was neither buried, nor lethally wounded, nor crippled.

Unfortunately he was still too old to deal with his injuries in five seconds.

With a weary grunt he managed to pick himself up, ignoring the slew of new stabbing pains that went through his body indicating new wounds.

He stopped when the sound of a footstep crushing wood right in front of him reached his ears.

"Ah... blood." Hidan glanced down at Sarutobi, but his voice had changed, now a booming echo. "How sweet scent is when laced with terror."

Hiruzen shivered as their eyes met, and for but a moment the staredown was not between a madman and an old leader, but the God of Carnage and Empathy and the Old Monkey Hiding in the Leaves.

Lost memories surfaced in the Kage's mind. Memories of hate. Of rage. Of pain. Of blood. Of war. Of loss. Of the horrible things that he had done over the years to protect his home and loved ones.

"Your heart is full of dread." Hidan's warped face becoming even more twisted as his smile grew. "How sad. You have misled yourself old one. There is no promised peace beyond the carnage. Destruction is your natural state. You should not run from what you are, but revel in it. Bathe in that which is yours and your foe's, as all should and bask in the euphoria that is pain. Is it not only natural for those that live to share and fight after all? How sad and quickly mortals try to shun these natural principles… But do not fear. This one will free you from your chains. Bow, and your inhibitions and misconceptions shall be no more."

Despite the dire situation, Hiruzen couldn't help but chuckle, out of nervouseness more than courage. The Old Monkey looked up defiantly. "Sorry, but being in debt to two of your kin is my limit."

Hidan flinched as the dark force within him reacted. Its eyes briefly flared red, as more of the puppetmaster came to surface.

"Then you shall forever know pain without enlightenment, as your punishment for refusing my blessing." It did not raise its voice. There was no frothing malevolence within these words, only promises of horrors to come in the tone of sorrow. "Whatever horrors you have seen and experienced, will not amount to a drop of what shall come. There will be no mouth to scream with as your existence is played with. There will be no release. The agony will never end. Your heart will never stop beating. Your maddened, silent moans will endure, long after the stars die out. Perhaps at some point you will understand child, but your sin for following another will not be forgiven."

For perhaps the first time in his life, Sarutobi Hiruzen felt absolute, unadulterated fear, as the violent god's presence grew more oppressive and sinister. The demonic deity prepared to strike...

Only for its head to suddenly tilt to the side, as if suddenly noticing something imperceptible.

It was probably because of that shock that it didn't change much when a Hispanic woman in a black cloak with red clouds was thrown from the ground, slammed into his body, and launched him back half a mile back into the destruction he had made.

Twenty feet behind the former Kage, a tall and slim man with shoulder length dirty black hair and crimson eyes, wearing a hybrid straightjacket long coat, seemed to materialize into reality.

He was not smiling.

o. o. o.

Earlier:

"Meep."

BANG!

"Meep meep!"

Bang! Crash! BOOM!

"Hurp durp."

"Shut up already!" BOOOOM!

"Yo soy el alce fumigado! Exijo su suavizante confitada!"

"Callese usted loco de mierda!" Crash!

"Por que?! Mariaaaaaaaa! El Pissssssssooooooo!"

"Ese no es mi nombre idiota!"

"… Tengo hambre."

"¿Podrías ya muere?!"

Carmen had to admit that she had been wrong in this case. Normally whenever someone mentioned a "stranger" that spoke nonsensical gibberish that happened to be a jumper, said madman was just spewing out facts and information about other worlds.

This guy? No, he was completely bat shit mad. You couldn't fake that level of insanity. He didn't just go round the bend, he was outside the fucking city limits if not the country selling shoe laces. Hell he might as well be on the moon for all she knew. Almost all the wires were crossed on this one. Well… the ones that made him make any sense at least. The ones that enabled him to dodge, speak, and recover from horrifying damage were unfortunately still intact.

There weren't that many people like that around. Not still living at least.

"I thought that he was annoying as it was, but I was corrected when you delved into that strange language of yours." Sasori droned to her side after she pelted the area with a slew of RPG's. "Please stop. I'd rather get a headache in my own tongue than one I don't even recognize."

Information updated. Mental status confirmed. Comparison updated. Target identity narrowed to 17,329 possible matches.

"At least it's not in the hundred thousand's." She muttered under her breath at her latest background calculations. "If you're hoping that he said anything useful, don't bother. You understated just how useless his words are. It's like he's just stringing together random words and things without even thinking about it."

"EL PISO!"

"… Though he does tend to bring up the floor a lot…"

"That's been mentioned before. It's useless." Sasori told her without a single facial expression change, three puppets hovering over him all with their weapons out. "Were you speaking in your native language?"

She knew a fish for information when she heard it, but she decided to give him the truth since it would do him no good. "Yeah, but I haven't been back home in hell knows how long, not like he was making any sense anyways. Besides, does it look like this nut is from the same area as me?"

"I suppose." He sprayed the area with more senbon at speeds that pierced stone, flesh and wood alike. The annoyance had been hit easily as it had simply stood there like a simpleton. The problem was that after he was hit so many times that his front side looked like the back end of a porcupine… he was still simply standing there like a simpleton.

"… Where do babies go… to wash their leotards?"

The clicking sound of Carmen taking out a very large and out of place glowing blue laser cannon from her coat was heard by everyone. While the tech was impressive, it was also hard to miss the circles of runes inscribed around the golden muzzle and body of the monstrosity glowing with crimson malevolence.

"… What is that?" Sasori blinked, half impressed of the new tool and half unnerved that she pulled it out from nowhere without any seals.

"Peace and quiet." The cyborg grinned savagely as she took aim within a split second and fired a tremendous violet beam of power straight at the madman.

The smile fell off of her face when the beam disappeared into a massive sealing array etched into a plate of stone that shot up from the ground at the last possible moment. Moments later the wall crumbled into useless and harmless dust.

"The grass is greener on the other side of the fence… because the grass lies. It wants us to want it. Yes. It all makes sense now! We desire Pumpkin Pie Crust Shavings FOUND IN THE CLOSET OF MY NEIGHBOR ESMERELDA'S APARTMENT! THE SECRET HAS BEEN TOLD! … NOW I MUST FIND A PERSON NAMED ESMERELDA WITH THE APPROPRIATE PROPERTY OWNERSHIP AND TITLES AND BECOME HER NEIGHBOR TO COMPLETE THE CYCLE! TO THE INTERNET!"

"Oh come ON!" The woman shouted in disbelief.

"Peace and quiet." Sasori looked at her unamused.

"This shit's supposed to pierce through seal arrays! I've tested it out myself!" It hadn't been cheap either. True she had stolen it from some guy that had commissioned it from one of the bigger weapon fabrication masters out there, but it didn't change the fact that it was expensive. And powerful as fuck. And worked every other time she's used it.

"Immune to seals?" The puppet man's eyes narrowed at that fact. "And yet…"

"CURSES! PORN'ED AGAIN! DAMN YOU INTERNET AND YOUR TREMENDOUS ARCHIVE OF CREATIVE AND PARTIAL NUDISTS!"

Carmen scratched furiously at her hair in frustration. The gun in her hands had pierced through most arrays up to some high ones as if they weren't there, which was bloody impressive for a handheld projectile weapon without any Presence to back it up. Anything above a 6 tended to seriously mess with the rules of nature on a significant scale, reality and everything around it, and yet this guy's work, etched in basic stone, managed to absorb the attack without any issue. It took a very experienced master to whip something like that from scratch at will.

Adjusting filter for confirmed Seal Users of level 7 Mastery and above with severe mental trauma. 4,548 possible matches. Warning. Average danger category of remaining matches significantly exceeds user's. Disengagement is highly advised.

"Any more bright ideas?" Sasori droned.

Their opponent was a pain. No matter where they ran, he constantly hounded them and got in their way. Every time he was injured and assumed dead, something would happen that would take their eyes off of him, and then he was as good as new again. Meaning, they didn't know what he did to heal himself. He didn't fight them either so they couldn't tell what his abilities were, how strong or fast he was, or even how he fought.

Essentially, he was driving them crazy while giving them barely anything about him in the process.

"Ok. That's it. Time to fight stupid with stupid." The Hispanic woman grumbled as she took out a grenade shaped object with neon blue lights. "Hey! Crazy!"

"Yes?" Crypt replied instantly. The fact that he had been insulted did not register at all, much less that he responded to said insult.

"Do you like candy?"

"I like ponies."

"Do you want a pony?" She didn't miss a beat.

"I'm not allowed to have them anymore after last time." The man spoke like a three year old. "I made too many children cry with the last one. They didn't like the pony show."

Carmen instantly bleached her mind to not try to think too much about what he said. "Well… this is pony candy. Do you want to try some?"

"I thought that pony candy was a myth!" His eyes went wide with childish innocence.

She primed the weapon in her hand as she showed it to him. "Well… here it is. But you have to catch it!"

"MY PONY CANDY!" Crypt shouted as the woman chucked the explosive far into the distance. "YOUR SECRETS WILL BE MINE!"

The two Akatsuki stood in place as they watched their annoyance run off into the distance, only for the location he went off in to suddenly become enveloped by a black orb of some sort, emitting an ominous unnatural sound before silence.

"… Pony Candy?"

"Shut up. I didn't see you coming up with anything productive." The grenade she used was one of her more powerful trinkets. Upon explosion it produced a ten meter radius barrier before pulling everything into a contained singularity and then ejecting it into another dimension. Using her eyes, she had watched and made sure that the threat had been caught in the chaos.

"What was that thing you used anyway?" The Puppet continued curiously. "It looked potent."

"It was also expensive as hell and made of shit you've never heard of before." She snorted. "Don't even try to recreate it or find more. Trust me, you won't get anywhere."

"I doubt that anyone trusts you."

"True, but that's your loss in the end isn't it?" She sighed whimsically. He can't say that she didn't warn him. "Now if we're done with our enjoyable conversation, we can get back to-!"

They were well over a mile away but it didn't seem to dilute the effect of the unnatural existence washing over them. Now that she wasn't distracted by the nut, she could feel multiple Presence users in that direction, but the one that caught their attention was beyond all of the others. It was sickening. Overwhelming. Overpowering. And completely natural.

"A God?" She blinked in surprise as shivers went down her spine. No. It was far too weak for a God in its complete glory, but the potency was unmistakable. In that case, it was using a medium of some sort. A weapon? A tool? But it was using Presence, establishing its domain, taking over another's…

"An Acolyte?!" She shivered, and slowly the pieces began to fall into place, and realized that her staying may have been a bigger mistake than she had thought.

True, she knew that the one eyed bastard had taken the secrets of using Presence from her. She didn't pay it much mind. Even if he knew the basics and was a talented individual, he was still decades behind her in terms of experience. There was always the risk of him using his mental powers of possibly sharing that information, but the same rules applied.

It wasn't as if she had anything to lose if she decided to just run away. She didn't care a bit about these guys' cause, or the people of this world. She just wanted to get paid.

However, like everything in existence, there were exceptions to every rule. Mastery and potency of Presence was no exception.

While it took a long time to develop one's existence and mastery alone, it was another story if one decided to dedicate and entrust their entire being to a higher existence. Like a God for example.

Acolytes, as they were called, were few and far in between. For good reason. It was one thing to accept power from an entity that was greater than you. It was another to entrust literally your entire being to them. Acolytes were essentially extensions of the donor. Arms. Hands. Fingers. Nails. Hairs. Skin flecks. Whatever they were considered to be, they were. There was no fighting against it because they had already accepted giving everything away in the first place. The individuality of the thing that once was a person was left over, but ultimately as meaningless as a fingerprint or a blemish. Really it was only kept so that the Acolyte could still interact with its kind and perform tasks in case a more subtle touch was needed.

For most people with a brain, had a personality, and knew better, becoming an Acolyte was just shy of giving, not even selling, your soul to the devil. Not that becoming one was easy. Outside of actually getting the higher being to actually pay attention to them in the first place, the subject had to be completely willing, body and soul and being, to submit themselves to another existence; an existence they had to be in a perfect tune with, becoming nothing more than an extension of their patron. Outside of the brainwashed, conditioned, broken, and insane, the number of individuals that were actually capable of being that were exceedingly few.

They were only as powerful as the existence that supported them wished them to be, but in many cases that was more than enough to wipe out entire planes of existences if needed.

And that one eyed dumbass just had to test out his new little move with the only idiot at his disposal that was actually willing to give everything up to a God of slaughter. Regardless of which one it was, the results would not be pretty.

And more importantly, they would not be missed by anyone that knew how to work the rules of reality. She had to get out of the area asap.

"Is that… Hidan?" Sasori frowned. He had recognized the man's chakra at first before it became with something supersaturated with abnormal, horrendous power.

"Not anymore..." She took a step back. She didn't know why, but the God supporting the nutjob was really going overboard with supporting its new toy. She wouldn't doubt it if the madman wound up taking out over half of the planet's population before someone managed to stop him.

... then again, it was a god of slaughter. Kinda obvious it would go all out.

She stopped as she bumped into something that wasn't a rock or a tree. The something breathed down on her.

The hairs that had been standing on the back of her neck for a while were now trying to rip themselves from her body and flee for the hills.

She jumped away and turned around to see the madman known as Crypt Oogakari standing, slouched over enough that his eyes would have been covered by his ratty hair had they not been glowing crimson and glaring right at her.

"You're now annoying."

She was glad that she had set up her invisible combat shield when she had been dragged down that cliff earlier. It saved her several broken bones when the red eyed man slammed the flat of his foot into her stomach and propelled her back half a mile with a trail in the ground to match.

She clenched her teeth and took control of how her body flew after the second time her body skipped from the ground, backflipping and pulling out one of her lightsaber style swords and a handgun that destroyed biological entities with every shot.

The moment her feet slammed onto the ground and she began to slow down, she looked up to see the mad man walking to her…

"… Oh hell."

He wasn't walking. He was walking.

Eating. Breathing. Walking. Moving. Talking. Looking. Mundane actions and words that took completely different meanings when someone with a massive Presence and experience to match used them.

No fancy titles. No childish techniques. No physical training, screaming, flashy montages, or anything stupid like that involved or needed in the slightest.

If normally using Presence enforced everything the user did, then this was three steps above that. The best way to describe it would be to somehow alter or change the definition of an action taken in some way to suit the user's intended needs. The bigger the change, the more effort the user had to put into the action itself.

A single step could land a person fifty miles away with no physics rules or sound barriers broken. A single soft word spoken could be heard by every human in a busy coliseum without any amplification device. A person could look around and see exactly who was looking back at them even from hundreds of miles away and if they meant any harm instantly.

The Eyes of Stone was known to have the strongest Presence to ever exist. There were a million and a half rumors as to what he was capable of doing with casual ease… and in all honesty she would not be surprised if most of them were true.

They were skills that were broken and unfair beyond known reason as far as the incredibly vast majority of individuals were concerned, even if technically anyone was capable of learning them.

They were also absolutely necessary to even think about surviving when going face to face with the existences that rule and exist among the infinite. It was why there weren't that many people who complained about it in the end. As unfair as the ability was, Gods were about several degrees of infinite more unbalanced.

The whiny little fucks that still bitched about it rarely lasted long if at all when the shit hit the fan on the larger scale of things. They tend to forget that the things upstairs tend to not give two shits about what mortals think is fair. Funny how things tend to work out like that.

Small wonder why the higher uses of Presence were nicknamed "the Ways of Gods."

In this particular case, despite the fact that the foreign woman was sliding backwards against the ground at respectable speeds, the person responsible for her current situation was keeping up if not gaining on her while physically moving his legs at a leisurely pace and speed.

The most terrifying thing about this particular case from Carmen's perspective though… was that her attacker wasn't even using his Presence in the first place.

"Son of bitch!" She swore and threw caution to the wind, spiking her own essence in response to the very real threat coming at her.

The desired outcome was seen as clear as day. The situation was laid out for all to see. Countless opportunities and options that could yield what was wanted were identified with mechanical precision, and just as easily the best ones were picked out.

She would get what she wanted.

An electric crack stabbed the air multiple times as her gun went off. Neon blue bolts of energy shot at the walking man.

They flew straight at him, however flew past harmlessly all the same. His movements were unobstructed as was his path. The arcs that traveled between the shots that sliced through anything in their path curved above and around the man as if it were only natural to do so. Behind him, the trees and stones that had been in the path of the bullets were reduced to dust on contact.

Her sword of pure energy swung down to meet the leg that shot up to strike her. Despite the tool being able to deconstruct matter on a molecular level and her power enforcing this one trait to degrees that would make it burn off an unprotected hand that held it, it was unable to even singe the clothing on the limb as she was pushed back, launching her even further away from her support.

He was on top of her before she had barely managed to regain control over her movements again, but it did not stop her from swinging once more at her target while firing from an awkward angle.

The problem was that he was no longer walking at her from the front, but from behind now. No. She had somehow been turned around without her knowing, forcing her to attack nothing at all.

The leg that would have hit her head from behind instead impacted an orb of pure power two meters in radius, spewing out electricity as it maintained its form around the origin.

In turn, the gun in the woman's off hand swung back without her looking and stopped at his torso.

He wasn't walking anymore.

The earth beneath the man's stationary foot launched upwards, moving him out of the way from the lethal projectile milliseconds before it hit him. At the same time the ground under the woman opened up to swallow her and her barrier whole.

Overclock protocol enacted.

She was the one behind him this time. Her energy weapon was already pierced through his chest and her gun against the back of his skull.

The projectile never met flesh. The target had launched himself forward and down before light had exited the chamber, flipping forward to minimize the exit wound of the blade in his chest. In turn his legs rotated as well, knocking the physical part of the blade from her hand and nearly taking the hand with it. She didn't bother to go after the flying tool as she automatically teleported it back to her person without even thinking about it.

In the second it took for him to fall away out of melee range, his legs met her sword almost a hundred times. The fact that a style that relied completely on footwork was significantly slower when without a flooring of some sort didn't seem to register to him as he spun and whipped out his legs from nearly every direction at once, hammering against the beam of pure energy that moved just as quickly to counter.

She saw it in slow motion as he fell away while kicking away the additional bullets she had been firing as soon as she was outside of immediate slashing range. The hole in his chest rapidly healed via organic regeneration. It wasn't temporal reversal. It wasn't elemental manifestation. It wasn't via fungus, possession, holy, demonic, monstrous, alien or alternate energy, parasite, or alternate means.

However the fact that his blood pooled into the wound moments before flesh was formed was a major tell on its own. That was not a common method of regeneration.

Hemokenisis confirmed. Optimal weaponry selected.

1,049 possible matches. Warning. Average threat level of remaining possibilities vastly…

They clashed again. His initial strike nearly hit her if she didn't pulse out an electric barrier this time. Her original one was still charging up. The lighting managed to run rampant through his nerves long enough for her to get another few slashes and bullets in before he regained control and went on the offensive and they split up once more.

Seven times they split up and hammered at one another, though from the average spectator it only appeared to be one. Even then, most normal people would have been more occupied with surviving the projectiles flying in every direction from the duking pair.

Even then, though she managed to gain openings in her enemy's defenses, the wounds she made were healed instants later.

Having enough, she decided to switch her game up and rapidly backpedaled upon the eighth time the monster was stunned by her shield.

The gun in her occupied hand disappeared as she threw her arms forward and brought forth a new two handed gun that looked more like a cannon than a rifle. With the vents around its side and the electronics along its length, it clearly was made to unleash something unconventional.

Judging from the look he gave her, he managed to figure out that much as well.

"Regen this."

A beam that composed of at least a dozen brands of radiation flashed out from the open end. Mutation. Burns. Deconstruction. Hell even cancer. The aftereffects of this gun on biological material was nothing short of overly cruel and unneeded in most cases.

More importantly, it was damn near impossible to recover from as far as most biological manipulators were concerned.

He was hit dead on and was blasted down into the ground, making a burning crater forty meters across and ten deep, throwing away or burning any living thing within its range.

She didn't stop though. To give the target any time to recover was to commit suicide. She could tell he was vastly stronger than her without her mental computer reminding her every half a second, and thus needed to keep him off balance for as long as possible until he was ended.

In one fluid movement, she splayed her arms apart, causing the cannon to disappear and replace it with two devices that appeared to have some form of liquid fuel source. The new weapons in less than a moment were already on mark and ready to unleash their payload.

The crater was bathed in a Presence enhanced accelerant so volatile and potent that it was a few steps short of pure plasma, and not that fake electron charged gel shit that most places tried to sell off. The thin streams of blinding white pseudo-fluids belied their potency as they set the world aflame with discrimination with tongues that shot up so high it nearly reached the clouds. What once was a hole in the ground became a near picture perfect image to a gateway to another world. Had she not had her Presence up, she would have also been part of the destruction that ravaged the local wildlife.

For a moment she had gotten her hopes up. For a moment she thought she had won. For a moment she had relaxed.

The white fire turned blood red, and the gateway went to hell.

She looked into the blinding abyss…

… And it looked back.

Then it did more than look.

"How adorable. Trying to kill me with fire."

She barely managed to fly away as a crimson claw reached out and swiped at where she once was. The heat so intense that her Presence barely prevented her from spontaneously combusting.

Pyrokenisis capabilities confirmed.

"No shit!" She snapped at the obvious as she swapped out her ineffective immolation weapons for a single handheld pistol like gun with an extended barrel and silver markings around the black body.

As a second claw came to murder her, she unleashed a single charge and hit the pillar dead on. Instead of blowing up or freezing, the fire instead collapsed into the entry point as if falling into a hole at an absurd rate.

Conceptual weapons. Incredibly expensive and rare, but more often than not completely worth the prices and occasional organs and or souls they were worth. This one in particular denied bodiless energy. Plasma. Electricity. Fire. Ki. Chi. Spirits of power. Whatever it was, if it didn't have a physical medium, it would be gone with a single shot. Absolutely worthless otherwise, but it came in handy more often than not.

It was an absolute godsend when it came to dealing with those overpowered freaks that did nothing but throw about world destroying energy blasts everywhere. True it didn't deal with the fighters themselves in most cases (although it did one shot nearly all the ones that could transform into an element or a being of pure power), but the weapon did buy her time to get the hell out of dodge in more than a few sticky situations.

The thing was bloody potent too. She once tested it out on some random world that had an absurd power plant supplying constant juice to an entire continent. The entire place collapsed like a house of cards with only one shot.

Incidentally, in that particular case, she may have started a worldwide panic and instigated a political instability that would eventually lead to a sixth world war that would have casualties of the planet's population in the double digits percentage wise, but she didn't really care much about that. War happened all the time so it wasn't that big of a deal.

What was a big deal was that she didn't see the asshole trying to kill her where the pillar of fire once was, nor in the who-the-hell-knows-how-deep molten hole in the ground she had made.

The hairs on the back of her neck shooting up were probably a good indication of where he might be though.

Before he reached her, she went straight up. Whether it was a decision or a reaction didn't matter. In less than a second she was already over a kilometer in the air and climbing, eyes dilated and arms already reaching for a different slew of tools to use. At least this way the monster wouldn't be able to utilize his earth manipulating abilities.

She felt his existence behind her before she felt or saw anything else. This time though, she was prepared. Hatches and mechanisms that made up her body sprung open, tearing apart portions of her cloak to spray out an abnormally dangerous concoction of charged elements, nanomachines, and rare compounds that when combined yielded unnatural results. The substance was expensive as hell and even harder to make, but this was not a situation to take chances.

The man froze in midair as the timespace around him was assaulted and frozen at once, trapping him in an era that was not this one, yet not another either. More accurately, it could be said that he was literally stuck between realities, the pressure of them preventing him from going anywhere.

She didn't even assume that she won. Her opponent was powerful and knew how to wield his reality as a weapon. No chances could be taken against him. She spun around and took out another device.

A gun in impression, but with far too many components to be considered one in the end. Two meters long and half wide, surrounded by pipes and individual unknown devices of even less known origin, the new weapon was enough to cause fear in most individuals just by looking at it. The absurd tool's end flared out to reveal several dozen nozzles that had their own slew of small tubes connected to them were clearly meant to discharge something horrifically damaging.

She clicked the trigger and held it down, causing the monstrosity in her hands to charge. It was not versatile in that regard, having to wait for each shot, but the results had never failed her before.

Lights of emerald power flowed from the owner to the tool, causing electricity to discharge around her and flood the sky with ozone. Each end of the tool began to glow white hot, as if brimming with energy and waiting to be discharged.

Above, the madman didn't seem to react or even notice what was happening, but that didn't matter.

She released the trigger, and allowed her monstrosity to discharge violently. Each black and green beam of power that sprayed from its end shredded through the fabric of reality it traveled through. Objects of incredible density and barriers of pure power were nothing before the might of an attack that severed and pierced through the pseudomatter that made up the foundation of everything and anything that existed. Even more devastating were the effects and phenomena that occurred when this foundation was shredded and mangled to kingdom come in a single local area…

The beams traveled erratically tearing in and out of this reality at their own intervals while spreading outward. The range and distance of the spray were not significant compared to her other tools, only spanning for about a hundred meters out and twenty wide but that did not matter. The paralyzed madman had been consumed by the shower and disappeared along with anything else that was caught in the blast. Whether he was disintegrated or thrown outside of this realm was anyone's guess.

She breathed out slowly in relief as her target disappeared in every way possible. The sky where he had been present was now unstable, and would remain so for decades, if not centuries, however outside of some minor effects on the world's weather patterns, there would be little evidence of its existence.

If he wasn't taking her lightly, and there was not a doubt in her mind that he was, she would have died. That much was for certain. Using Presence to enforce one's actions was one thing, using it to dictate what influenced the user was the next step and honestly was the cap of what most users reached. In most cases it was enough to get by with most fights and trials.

The number of people that could change the rules of their actions at will, on the other hand were few and far in between, almost as big of a gap as the one between this step and the last. It wasn't far off to say that it was what separated the horrifically powerful from the overwhelming monsters. Those that did use it tended to have run in's with Gods on occasion. In all honesty, she wouldn't be surprised if the psycho was still alive somehow, but at least he wasn't here anymore.

Information updated. Presence Mastery base re-established. Filtering confirmed traits. Hemokinesis. Regeneration. Extreme segmented class 8 mental distortion. Minimum level 7 active combat seal master. Extreme martial prowess. Part of an active organization capable of C rank God Class functions. Unconfirmed traits. Male. Pyrokinesis and Geokinesis may be result of seal mastery. Comparison updated. Target identity narrowed to 761 possible bzzt.

She allowed herself to relax and fall back through the air and to the ground below. From her areal perspective, she could see a good amount of chaos going on where the acolyte was fighting the locals.

She was admittedly impressed and surprised that it wasn't over yet to be honest. The large rocky mound hill thing (don't judge her, she wasn't a geologist) that was half the size of a mountain that the fight had been taking place on was absolutely devastated. Half of it was on fire, and the other half had had the foliage on it either capped or mulched beyond reason.

For a few moments she employed the idea of adjusting her freefall to where the nut was so that he didn't accidentally kill the target, but then thought better of it. If she did land there and the idiot still killed the brat, then she'd get more of the blame and she had enough shit to deal with today already. She had to plan to get the hell out of doge now that she had just wasted one of the guys that had claimed this ass backwards place.

Her mechanical eyes scanned the valley she had been in earlier and saw her "partner" looking back up at her. She doubted he could tell that she saw him, but the fact that he knew that she was this far up was going to be a major pain in the ass soon enough. More questions, more poking, and more playing "good girl" for that one eyed moron with the bad case of O.C.D.

… You know what? Screw it. She was going to do a half truth and say it was the crazy guy's fault she was this far up. They could disbelieve her all they wanted, but no one could ever dispute the capabilities of a madman with superpowers that were still undetermined. It would give the idiots more to scratch their heads about while she got away.

The long seconds to herself ended soon enough as she fell back to the ground with enough force to kick up a dust cloud that hid her pretty well. No need to give the locals any more reason to assume that she was hiding her skills and land without moving a piece of dirt after all.

"I take it that the annoyance is dealt with." Sasori asked evenly as if he didn't see anything new from a short distance away. He would hound her about the absurd damage that her weapons had done later. He didn't see any of them in action directly, but he sure as hell suspected that she had something to do with that absurd pillar of fire earlier.

"I'm ok thanks for asking." Carmen snorted as she brushed off some dirt from her clothes. "Some backup you were. No wonder you pussies needed extra help."

The puppet frowned but remained silent. As much as he wanted to silence the annoying foreigner, she did have a point. He was of barely any help against the Oogakari, not that he had much of a chance during that last bit as the combatants disappeared before he could react. In fact, the madman seemed to only really react to his partner's movements and ignore his, taking in his needles and poisons as if they didn't even exist.

"So did you see anything happen up there?" Carmen ignored her partner's displeasure and looked up the cliff side to where the rest of the fighting was taking place. There was a smothering amount of smoke coming up from the fires started, but it was otherwise pretty quiet now. "Things seem to be finally quieting down."

"Didn't you? Your eyes are better than mine." His scathing comment and insult were not missed.

"I'm sorry, I thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you weren't useless for once while I was fighting for my life a few thousand feet above ground level. Clearly I was mistaken." Likewise, her sarcastic counter was just as vicious.

"Wouldn't be the first time."

… That wasn't Sasori.

The two Akatsuki froze at the third voice coming directly behind the woman.

Sasori's fingers became blurs, the puppets he had out shot their poisonous payload.

She jumped forward and spun to get away and a better view of the person that she had thought she had killed, sidearms already in hand.

Both were too slow as a set of sharp ivory teeth shot forward, latched onto Carmen's leg, tearing through her barriers, the reinforced artificial skin, muscles and bones. With a single overpowered swing, she became nothing more than a ragdoll made of lead, flying into the cliff behind them faster than any bullet or cannonball…

… And continued forward through a quarter mile of dense earth and stone till she rocketed out the other side and right into Hidan, sending both flying off into the valley below.

"What?" Hiruzen blinked in confusion at the turn of events. Of all the things he had thought might happen, having an unknown woman turned projectile shoot from the ground at his God possessed enemy was not one of them.

"Annoying." Crypt muttered, already on location without so much as a sound and leering at the distant spot where Hidan and Carmen had landed. "I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. Just a greedy rat and freshly made puppet. It's like that Christmas party with Anderson all over again. Ever since Ghost and Nick started that fucking rivalry I barely get any fun during the season anymore. I swear if some idiot tries to load me with fruitcake again…"

"… Crypt?" The former Kage blinked in surprise as he turned around to see his backup. "What are… no that's not important. Is Waltz here as well?"

Crimson eyes examined the old man like balls of liquid metal. Power and Fire. "No. Just me. And before you ask the blatantly obvious, no, we aren't responsible for that." He nodded his head to where the possessed man fell.

Hiruzen couldn't help but shiver at the significant difference in Crypt's behavior. His voice had dropped several octaves. His posture was perfectly straight where before it was hard to keep him in at least three directions. His eyes were sharp and lucid. And his tone was absolutely demeaning. Though they were having a conversation, there was no mistaking the annoyance and distain he had as if everything and anything was beneath him and not worth his time. It wasn't from the perspective of a noble like personality… just from one of pure power.

"What will you do?" He picked his words carefully. The man before him was not one that would listen to instructions, and in reality probably didn't need any for this situation. Instead it would be best to plan around his actions.

"Those two are making me work for meaningless reasons. I don't like working pointlessly. They will know this momentarily." The immortal began to walk forward casually. "The puppet man was accompanying the woman. I suggest you inform the others about him."

At the mention of his allies, Hiruzen remembered that he had not been alone when he had been blasted by the unnatural power Hidan now possessed. Looking around to where he felt another chakra signature, the Kage laid eyes on a pile of debris mixed with some errant limbs. Given that the larger ones were on top of the smaller ones, it was logical to assume that Gai had reacted faster than anyone else had and shielded his student's body with his own… but… that meant…

"… Sen-sensei?" Lee's voice cracked from the incomprehensible mess. Judging from the tone, he was just waking up himself. "Gai-sensei? What are you doing? What happened?"

Gai didn't respond.

Crypt didn't seem to pay the stunned old man or his downed comrades any mind as he walked by. Suddenly he snapped his teeth and jerked his head, back, causing a faint metallic clack to be heard as he caught the sniper round that had been travelling at insane speeds right at him.

His head then exploded.

His skull didn't remain decimated for long though. In fact the fragments of bone, brain matter, organs, and nerve endings that had been sent flying didn't even reach the ground. Barely half way in their flight paths the bloody fragments froze in mid-air, then retracted to their origin where they placed themselves back in their original place.

"At the very least the rat's versatile." The immortal's new head stated with a melodramatic sigh, cracking his jaw and neck lazily as if nothing of importance had actually happened. "Pity Scab isn't here this time. He would have tolerated her."

Half a second later, a tremendous beam of pure energy flashed with pinpoint accuracy to where Crypt was standing. It would have obliterated him in an instant if a massive pale blue crystal didn't pop out of the ground just as quickly and absorb the wild energy like a sponge.

Immediately after the attack died off, the charged stone was sent flying back to the source and vanished behind the distant foliage… and then exploded wildly taking out most of the wildlife nearby.

"Lasers. Honestly, they aren't worth nearly as much hype as people make them out to be." Red eyes rolled, his tone was as if talking about the latest new pop culture craze.

"So that's why they didn't get any more support when the fighting started." Hiruzen muttered, taking in the destruction just caused. Crypt may have been late when it came to dealing with the God, but he had still been stalling and delaying at least one member of Akatuski by himself… and apparently one of them was a person that came from a similar background as the immortals.

"Give the man a prize." Clearly he was not impressed by that deduction. "A bit of trivia monkey. There have been cases where a human heart has been restarted nearly an hour after the owner was decapitated."

"What?" The Kage blinked in confusion as he turned back to the unstable man, only to be distracted as an inhuman chain of roars and chaos erupted behind him. As if on cue, a fully manifested Nanabi was writhing and slashing at an ever growing slew of black tentacles. If that wasn't surprising enough, then the fact that three masks were visible on the creature's supposed core only made things worse. "Th-three? How? He should be down to one mask. I destroyed three of his hearts. Where did he the extra…!"

Decapitation. Of course.

The immortal had been referring to the bodies of the assassinated Taki Jonin that they had been travelling with just moments before. Fuu had even pointed out that Kakuzu had been thrown in the corpses' direction when everything started to go pear shaped. While they had all been distracted with Hidan's new state, Kakuzu had managed to salvage the bodies of the defeated to give himself a second wind.

He watched helplessly from a distance as the two titanic monstrosities wrestled in the destroyed burning forest. The seven tailed beast was unable to escape or fly with its wings ensnared by the countless threads around it, but likewise Kakuzu was unable to truly overwhelm his target. He was strong yes, but was clearly nowhere near enough to overwhelm the full might of a biju. Only stall it and keep it in place as he constantly moved his prized organs around so they would not get destroyed again.

If Neji and Kin were safe or alive, they had no way of knowing. Any sensory skills that the former Kage had were rendered useless by the close proximity to the massive beasts and the smothering aura of the God enhanced human nearby.

Had Hiruzen not been the target of what happened next, he would have certainly died. Within the span of a blink Hidan seemed to travel at high speed, appearing nothing more than a black, white, and red streak to most, aimed right at Crypt with fury in his eyes.

One step.

Without any indication that he had even noticed the attack was coming in the first place, Crypt moved forward twenty times the distance he should have while thrusting his right hip out, effectively checking the oncoming attacker with a loud and deep thump and stopping him in his place.

Two step.

Rotating, the Seal Master crouched down and slammed his next foot onto the Acolyte's, pinning it half a foot into the ground and tilting his head up in the process.

Three step.

His mouth opened wide, revealing a cavernous maw of ivory teeth lunging upwards. It was human's in shape and size, but it was so much larger than possible. Cheeks stretched back. Fangs becoming wider and longer, thirsty for fresh blood.

Without any pause the teeth crunched onto the neck of the stunned target. Deeper and deeper they dug into flesh and bone alike without pause as the hunter leaned back, tugging on the neck with his mouth with its foot still planted onto the earth and his body a wedge.

As strong as the target was with its Master's blessing, the Monster was in its own category of power. No more proof was needed as it ripped off the head of the Acolyte with childish ease in a single motion that carried both off of the ground.

A leg lashed out, connecting with the headless body like a bomb, and the torso was now just another meaty projectile about to crash into a mountain in the distance.

The maw widened to let the head fall free, and the skull met the same fate as its torso via the other leg.

Crypt spat out the blood in his mouth with distaste as he landed with casual ease and ignoring the craters in the distance he had made. "Disgusting. It's not even a God I'd waste my time with."

"Gai-sensei? Wake up. You're on me." Lee spoke up again, this time louder and indicating that he was no longer stunned from the earlier attack.

"He's dead you idiot." Crypt snorted without the slightest hint of concern for the boy or his teacher. "You're an assassin. Get your head out of your ass and face the facts. You should have been able to figure it out by now."

The world around the two natives seemed to go mute at those words.

"Dead?" The boy's voice echoed weakly from the pile of rubble.

"Dead?" Hiruzen paled, his worst fears for the situation realized. Gai was one of the most powerful shinobi Konoha had to offer and their best Taijutsu specialist. His passing would hold major implications for everyone. "But how? I'm still alive and Gai is in better shape than…"

"Use your head." The immortal started to walk forward. "The boy was the target of the attack that flattened all of you. I don't care why. Gai reacted unlike the rest of you took the blow. Simple as that."

"Are you… can't you do anything?" The Kage shook his head, trying to try and think his way about the situation. "With your abilities… he can't be completely gone just yet and if we can stall for time…"

Crypt stopped moving but didn't turn around. "I don't save the defeated. As for the dead, you do not want me to do what I normally do with your friend. No one ever likes the results, and I dislike the asinine complaints of the displeased even more."

"I don't believe you!" Lee's voice got louder as he somehow found the strength to blow off all the debris that had pinned him and Gai down. The panic in his voice was clear for everyone to hear. "Sensei can't be dead! He's too strong to die like that! Gai-sensei was still youthful! He couldn't have been killed!"

"Then why are you already crying?" The immortal's cold tone pierced through the yelling while he still looked away.

It was true. Hiruzen saw the tears falling down Lee's face as clear as day as he held onto his teacher's body. Both master and student had been beaten and bruised a great deal, but Gai's condition was clearly evident once the spectators had a good look at him. The entire left side of his body and his back was covered in a malicious looking and festering black scars. Those there could even feel the corrupted aura coming off of it, a fermented disease trying to infect them as well.

The man was condemned.

"But… but…" Lee struggled with his words in a vain effort to deny what was clear as day to everyone there.

Whatever words that were about to come from his mouth were drowned out as the land shook. The battle between the Nanabi and Kakuzu had gotten closer in the time they had wasted going over their ally's demise.

"A giant bug and a tentacle monster. I'm certain I've seen this one before." The eldest there snorted in dry amusement, not at all worried about the current situation. "Was it on discovery channel? No… Animal Planet? … Late night on demand? Eh. It probably didn't get good reviews anyway."

"Gai… sensei." Lee trembled as he shook his teacher's body feebly. "Wake up. Sensei. You're stronger than this. You're the strongest…"

"Lee. We have to focus." Hiruzen tried to pull the boy back together from his shock. "The enemy is still here and the rest of your team still need help."

"But Sensei…"

"For the love of… you're doing it wrong monkey." Crypt rolled his eyes. "I don't know how you did it before, but you can't rouse the mourning for shit."

"I don't want to hear it from a heartless monster that doesn't lament the passing of a close friend!" The old monkey growled at the greater being with unrestrained disgust. "Be useful or be silent."

The two powerhouses stared down at one another heatedly Crypt finally decided to look back at the teenager with an unreadable expression. "Boy. Answer me. The one that did this to your teacher is still out there. He is still alive."

Lee's body twitched at the words. "He's… he's still out there…" He repeated faintly.

If the immortal felt satisfied that the boy responded to his words, he didn't show it. "Is he yours?"

"M-mine?"

"His?" Hiruzen blinked at the sudden change in topic. "You couldn't mean…"

"I wasn't talking to you Monkey." Crimson eyes glowed dangerously. "Don't interrupt."

"The guy that did this to sensei…" Lee shivered uncontrollably. His head was bowed such that his eyes were hidden by his hair.

"Is he yours?" Crypt repeated himself, calm as can be. "Despite how strong he is. Despite everything. Do you still claim him as yours?"

The boy breathed in heavily, uneven and barely controlled. "Mine? … No."

A murderous sensation rose from the darkness that shouldn't be there but none the less was. Still unseen but the desire to hunt and finish off its prey was never greater. Its strike would be swift, unpredicted, and the most devastating experience that its ignorant target would ever have.

"He is ours. Sensei was ours. Therefore, we will end the one that took him from us. He is our claim."

A wide and mad crimson red grin slowly etched itself onto the face with crimson eyes. "Haaa. Good. Good. Well spoken boy. Well done indeed. How refreshing to see one that young make such a declaration. Why you even brightened my mood. It appears that today wasn't completely pointless after all."

With a small tap of his foot onto the ground, several amber stones popped up in front of the former Kage and enraged Assassin, who caught them deftly. Instantly they could tell that there was a solid well of chakra inside each of the rocks. Not enough to bring them to full capacity, but enough to put them in a much better state than they were now.

"I do not save the defeated, but those still willing to fight are another story." Crypt turned back to where he had thrown away his targets. "Use those to freshen your group up while I fix up some of this annoying mess."

"Wait." Hiruzen had to interrupt. "Lee is a strong boy, as is his team. But his opponent… It's obviously clear that no one without your level of experience would be able to take down that man with the backing he now has. It would be suicide for him… for anyone here, no matter how you see it."

"The boy his said his piece Monkey. The Priest's head is theirs." Crypt didn't slow down as he continued to walk forward. "If you are worried about the God, don't worry your shriveled foreskin about it."

The Crimson Man took a step and the world for a moment was shattered as if it was broken glass in an irregular pile.

The overall image and idea had been something significant once, a long long time ago. Mighty. Overwhelming. Oppressive. Inspiring…

Now, it was barely held together in the mess that it was in. Red lines and scriptures of irregular languages danced between the shards, binding them to one another despite not fitting together.

The connections were anomalies.

They should not be there in the first place, but were there regardless, keeping the remains of the broken concept together in one place. So long as they were all in the same spot, something would eventually get done. The message would be processed. The idea would be known.

The deal would be made.

With a single tap of his foot, the blood that he had spread under the earth of this planet for years, blood he had constantly spilled under the eyes of this realm's blind inhabitants without their knowing, became active. It moved at his command in the shapes he demanded regardless of the distance and direction needed, glowing ever more powerful the longer it was active.

From one breath to the next, the land in front of him for miles in every direction became one massive crimson seal array of his making.

Thus… as far as all inside its confines were concerned… he was God.

"No one has claimed its head yet."

Before anyone could express their shock of the display, a scream of unworldly origin shook their very beings. The markings etched into the earth did their job, purging any external influence from any physical medium there.

It took no time for the link between Hidan and the dark god possessing him to get caught. The human was still an anchor, but the connection was forced to become corporal, visible, coherent. It was a link of unnatural means between realms, and with the seal in place, the only direction the connection could physically come from was strait up.

And thus it went. With Hidan as the bottom, an ebony tower shot up to what appeared to be the heavens and beyond bisecting the world in two. In reality, it was merely traversing from this reality into the outer realms where all rules meshed over all.

The land pulsed.

The air pulsed.

The water pulsed.

The world pulsed.

Black veins that did not exist inched in and out of sight with every throb, bonding with anything and everything that came within reach. It did not matter if it was young or old. Strong or weak. Big or small. Flesh or plant. All fell under its progressively widening influence without pause…

The living grew corrupted. Plants. Animals. Fungus. Spirits. Saturated and exposed to the raw unworldly power, they became irrational and violent, yet euphoric from the experience at the same time. Soon enough they were mindless beings that shared the urge for mutual carnage. The pain and rage of one spread to all others, and vise versa in a never ending cycle of savagery and ecstasy…

Hiruzen shivered as he felt the thing's influence try to infect him as well just by looking at it. It was tempting, oh so very tempting to lower his Presence, his control over himself, and simply drown in the soothing insanity. He could just let himself overwhelmed by the violence, forget the fear, forget the sadness, and embrace the truth of absolute destruction.

But he didn't. He would never allow himself to fall so easily. He would fight. He would resist. He was The Old Monkey Hiding in the Leaves.

The sound of cursed metal run through the air as Crypt whipped out an unrestrained arm, somehow forcing his scythe to materialize in it with his hand grasping the base. The blood red blade shimmered and vibrated with malicious glee that seemed to dwarf even its owners' murderous intent.

"Calm down. I know you're getting jumpy since we haven't had anything good lately, but this one's nothing special unfortunately. It's just stupid." The immortal chided his weapon as if talking to an intelligent pet. He didn't seem to be affected by this abomination in the slightest.

"How surprising." The world reverberated as it echoed the thoughts and intents of the dark pillar. "To think you and your kin were in this worthless world… Contract. An unforeseeable discovery indeed."

Crypt's face fell to one of annoyance. "Wonderful. Its doing that annoying thing where it's purposefully giving its voice the overwhelming impression that makes it look better. We know you're a God already you twit! Just send the idea of what you want to say out to everyone telepathically like every other rational outer sentience!"

"You have degenerated." The God did not pay Crypt's demand any mind. "Even the imprint of your memory is not what it once was. How pitiful."

"Terrible tasting and rude." Crypt spat out woefully and rolled his eyes. "Demons have better manners and social skills. Doesn't even have the decency to call me by one of my newer titles. When the hell did I start channeling Lancer luck?"

"Crypt. What the hell is going on?" Hiruzen frowned as he attempted to remain sane under the unnatural weight upon his psyche. "Is it talking to you or not?"

"It's an idiot like your nobles. The damn thing is just voicing its thoughts out loud, not caring about who hears it despite the fact that I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING!" The immortal snapped at the pillar of otherworldly influence, revealing a shade of Ghost's personality before pausing and grabbing his head again in apparent pain. "Tch. As far as it's concerned, this weakling so above everyone and everything here that the planet might as well be a dust ball that happens to have a few mutant mistakes in it."

"Which technically is true." He mentally added with a careless shrug. He hated dealing with these borderline drones with barely any sentience. They had power yes but they were so damn boring, predictable and annoying that he rarely bothered dealing with them if he had an option. They were a waste of power and influence as far as he was concerned.

The pillar for once shifted ever so slightly, as if addressing something external for the first time. "Everything you are. Are those not your very words, cripple? The words that your very kin take to heart? Do you intend to go against them? Have you fallen so far already in your broken state? You cannot escape your fate. You never could."

A crimson line severed the world between the top and bottom, the ebony pillar and caps of several mountains in the distance along with it. Into the distant sky and the empty abyss it would continue for untold distances until its purpose finally gave way to the realm's authority.

Likewise, all the beings under its corrupted influence fell at once. Seven unsuspecting humans who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time were felled in unison. As the source had been severed in half, the experience passed down to all under it. Such was the nature of a God of Empathetic Carnage. Its nature was based in the sharing of negative experiences through any means. Once a bond had been established, there was no escape until severed.

The land would remain dead for decades to come.

Where the pillar was cut, its contents were dragged to the crimson tooth responsible for its new state. It held no mouth. No organs. No soul… yet the cursed item feasted as if starved for an eternity on the God's essence, pulling and tearing into the power without remorse or acknowledging the impossibility of its actions.

Both the top and bottom of the black line vanished. The invisible source above too far from reach to influence, and the dregs below returning to the only viable anchor left to it.

The link established to the God had been severed.

"Know your place minor trait. It is annoying when I try to hold a conversation for once and the prick on the other end makes me feel as if I'm talking to myself. I do that enough as it is." Crypt didn't care about the stares he was getting nor the damage he had done. Sure it must have been impressive to everyone else that he beat the God so easily…

… But he knew better.

At best he gave the annoying thing a papercut by severing the minor connection between a human and his patron deity. The amount of power given to Hidan was pitiful, akin to just nudging the idiot in the right direction.

For someone like him, doing only this much with the effort of giving someone a scratch should be expected. He'd honestly be genuinely worried if he had been pushed to get these results.

Truth be told he felt he overdid it a bit with the massive seal. He could have easily gotten the same results with the blood he injected into Hidan's carcass when he ripped the man's head off.

He turned his head to the direction of the annoying fools that believed that they had been undetected the entire time, hiding a kilometer or so away. A brief and focused spike of intent was more than enough to let them know otherwise. The suppressed wave of fear he detected from the pair that he felt in turn was satisfying.

… Then again, sometimes it was better to show everyone just who was clearly at the top of the pecking order. Cowards were far less likely to make a move if they knew someone was watching after all.

"That's one annoyance down." He sighed as his arm twitched, flicking his scythe around and up his arm up to his neck where it shrunk within a few rotations. "Onto the rat problem. Try not to die by the time I get back will you? My siblings would get rather pissed at me if any more of you keeled over under my watch. Honestly, it makes me glad I'm incoherent most of the time…"

He walked away, not bothering to pay attention to the fact that not only were Hiruzen and Lee staring at him incredulously, but that Choumei and Kakuzu in the distance were as well.

Well… he did notice it.

He just didn't care.

o. o. o.

The first thing that Kakuzu did once he regained his sanity was take observe his current situation. He was for some insane reason fighting the Nanabi itself one on one. There was more fire everywhere. And he was staring at the back of a man in a black coat walking away from everyone towards some mountains that he could had sworn were not missing their tops the last he checked.

The second thing he did was spit out blood as the tremendous slash across his warped midsection that nearly cut him in half finally registered. Unlike everyone else there, he was not a Presence user, so he had no way to mitigate or resist the influence of the god, nor its empathetic traits.

"What… the hell is going on?" He rasped out in delirium and bewilderment before regaining control over himself and forcing his body to latch onto the equally stunned but distinctly unharmed beast.

It was then he made his third discovery… when he wouldn't stop bleeding.

"I stitched them shut but it's not closing." He grimaced in pain as he forced his body to generate more threads to replace the severed ones and mitigate the damage. His normal method of healing cuts wasn't working. He'd have to physically replace everything that was severed, which was possible thanks to the nature of his body, but it was time and energy consuming.

It was then that the pain on his back from where he had nearly been immolated aroused with a vengeance. The melted and fused wiry flesh from before had obviously been moved while he was not in control of himself and thrashing about wildly, causing him to lose more blood. In fact, it was only at this realization that he noticed that all of his clothes were practically saturated in his life essence by this point. It was only because of his body's nature that he hadn't bled out by this point.

As he forced his mutated body to put itself back together, the Akatsuki attempted to make sense of what was going on. The fact that he was trying to tackle a fully manifested Biju was not at the bottom of his list.

He had lost consciousness in the absurd rage he had been under… did that mean that the Jinchuriki had gone wild as well? It would explain why the creature was out in its full glory at least.

He also was back up to 4 hearts which made his situation slightly less insane and suicidal, if only barely. All he was missing now was a lightning element. He didn't remember how exactly he got the new spares, but he was hoping that it was from the remaining brats that had been annoying him earlier. The less headaches he had to deal with the better.

Speaking of headaches, the Biju was starting to act up again, and he had seen the old bastard Hiruzen still alive when he had woken up. Even if he had more hearts again, he could feel that he was reaching the end of his stamina.

"You useless fool. When I find you I'm going to tear you to pieces for leaving me like this and this time you can put yourself back together…" The thief snarled as his threads tightened on the thrashing beast. Under any other circumstance, he would have used the opportunity to unleash a four element combo point blank at the target's skull or use his threads to pierce through the target's flesh and tear apart its organs. Unfortunately, his dwindling stamina combined with his efforts to heal from being nearly cut in half and melted prevented him from going for the winning move… not that it would have done much good. He still didn't know who was left around, and it wasn't as if he could just run away with a skyscraper sized monster on his destroyed back.

A biju and a Kage… where the hell was his fucking backup?

Then as if things couldn't get worse, the creature's head turned to his direction, opened its mouth, and began to gather chakra into a very familiar form.

"Hidan I believe I really am going to murder you after this…" Kakuzu grimaced as he began to shift all his vital body parts to a new portion of his being. "And this time I mean it-"

As if on cue, just moments before the creature fired off a small bijudama, its armored body was hammered by a gout of high pressure water. The deflected blast still tore off a great deal of tentrils from its body, but it was not a lethal blow as it traveled far to the distance and ironically hit the cliff that the two supporting Akatsuki members had been hiding on earlier.

Needless to say… it wasn't a cliff anymore.

"Sasori! What took you so long?!" The miser grunted as he restrained the beast in a way that wouldn't put him a hair's breadth from being absolutely destroyed.

"We were found and delayed by an Oogakari. The mad one." The puppet replied, getting ready to move at the slightest provocation. "He split us up soon afterwards. The woman might be dead for all I know. He's difficult to deal with. He's like Hidan only my poisons don't knock him out and heals from wounds nearly instantly."

"Wonderful." He grimaced as the monster thrashed about wildly, preventing him from speaking anymore. "Be careful! The Hokage is still alive and nearby and I don't know about the rest of the group! I don't know where Hidan is either!"

"Wasn't he the source of that absurd power just now? His chakra was all over it." The former Suna shinobi was getting more questions than answers and he didn't like it. Worse was that he had a suspicion that the woman Carmen knew far more about it than she let on. "I was nearly overcome with mindless bloodlust and rage when it first appeared."

"It certainly would explain why I'm in this retarded situation in the first place." Kakuzu held on for dear life as his ride thrashed some more. The woman was gone. Hidan was missing and channeling some power that drives everyone around him nuts… well some power that didn't include him talking at least. Both were possibly disposed of. He was heavily wounded and weakened (not to mention wrestling a Biju of all things) and Sasori, while versatile as hell, didn't have his ace with him.

On the other side of the fence, there was the fully manifested biju, obviously, the Sandaime Hokage, an Oogakari, and an unknown number of enemy shinobi still doing who knows what.

Fuck it. He had made his decision at the fully released Biju.

"Unless you have something to take down this thing and still have power to spare, we'd better leave." He called out while preparing to jump ship. "I'm too wounded to keep this up."

Sasori's impassive face went over everything he had on hand and their current situation. It didn't take him long to come to a conclusion.

"We didn't think that the Jinchuriki had this much access to the beast's power. We aren't prepared for this and we aren't in a position to adapt with the Hokage so close without backup." The puppet stated factually as he jumped out of the way of the monster's tremendous thrashing tail. Just went to show just how much faith he and Kakuzu had in their respective partners.

The message was clear. Time to get the hell out of dodge.

Putting most of his remaining power into his enlarged eldritch like body, Kakuzu tightened and strengthened the tentacles around the biju while simultaneously separating himself and the wind heart from the black mass. The two hearts he had just acquired worked furiously to follow their master's commands to hold onto the beast as long as possible while he escaped.

Under any other circumstance, it would provide an ideal opening to unleash hell on the monster for the winning move.

Under any other circumstance, he wasn't bleeding profusely from his front and back and borderline blacking out.

"No…" A raspy voice reverberated through the air coming from the eyeless monster's drooling maw. Despite its restraints it managed to turn itself towards their direction. "You will not escape this time. You will not have me. You will not bring it back…"

Any feeling of exhaustion vanished from Kakuzu as he saw the familiar black dots once more manifest all over, only to withdraw in front of the giant's head.

Sasori on the other hand, having been on the wrong side of something like this recently, managed to react first. Activating one of the scrolls on his back, the puppet threw his arms out and flooded the area in front of him with an incredibly dense and wide spreading cloud of what was no doubt poisonous gas. Whether or not it actually affected the monster was pointless as it managed to hide them from the monster's gaze.

"That won't work…" Choumei's deep raspy voice rattled the air as he turned towards the retreating pair despite not being able to see. "I know where you are…"

Something in Sasori's prosthetic body clicked as he pointed an arm back and aimed at the cloud. "Stupid animal."

The flames from his arm set off the volatile airborne compounds instantly, setting off a tremendous gas explosion that, unlike the poison, did prevent the Biju from locating its targets.

The premature beam of demonic power it unleashed however did come close. The cavernous trench that stretched from the mountain they were on to the next without waning at all. The dirt and earth thrown into the air on impact hammered into the pair relentlessly, casting them randomly far enough that they landed in an area that wasn't either destroyed or on fire.

They didn't return after that.

o. o. o.

She ran.

She flew.

She sprinted.

She teleported.

She moved.

Anywhere but where she had been before.

She barely recalled the name Contract.

It was rumored to belong to an absurdly powerful traveler that vanished over a millennia ago. Most considered him a myth these days and didn't put much thought into his story. Even if he had existed at some point, he had done nothing to leave a major impact on the way things were done now. No treasures. No rules. No curses. No spells. Nothing. Even the database in her memory files only came up with bare scratches of information about him.

The name wasn't something that she was worried about. There were billions of stories like his over the multiverse and there would be an infinite more after this.

She felt a tingle on her leg where she had been bit and thrown through a cliff…

His Presence on the other hand… absolutely terrified her.

It was unmistakable, even though it was her first time actually experiencing it.

Fuck the God. Acolytes were a pain in the ass, but they weren't impossible to deal with, even by herself.

Her eyes widened as she realized her mistake too late. She should have cut off her leg when she had the chance.

Out of all the travelers, mind broken bastards, spirits, vampires, aliens, mutants, gods, and undefinable entities out there, there was one and ONLY one individual who was ever confirmed to have his Presence actually broken into countless pieces and still remained even remotely functional.

She saw a flash of red.

And then she couldn't breathe.

He was the only person to ever have his entire existence, foundation, soul, and being, rendered to minute shreds, and manage to walk away. He may have been tremendously crippled in the process, but simply continuing to be made him an undefinable abomination even in the eyes of the unspoken outer beings themselves.

She struggled, grasping onto the madman's arm, connected to the hand that was latched onto her neck and holding her off the ground. She tried to free herself, but couldn't escape no matter what she did. Her body's functions and abilities had been locked the instant he decided to end this joke of a game.

Begging was pointless. There was no reasoning, bartering, or blackmail. All would lead to death regardless of where the path went. The only way she could have possibly lived is if she fought to the end, then fought even more… and hoped it would have been enough to entertain this greater force of nature in human skin.

But she had reacted on instinct the instant she realized who he was, and ran before thinking things through… and that was the end of that.

"F-Family…" She gasped out in her struggles, her eyes never moving from the grinning face of her captor, nor the unnatural crimson flames behind his eyes.

"Yyyyyyep." Crypt acknowledged with a childish pop at the end of the word, timing it with the snap that came from her neck.

o. o. o.

The first thing that Fuu noticed once she regained consciousness was her crippling headache.

The second thing that she noticed once she regained consciousness was her crippling headache getting worse curtesy of Choumei buzzing in her skull.

"About time you woke up." The biju sarcastically observed.

"Choumeiiii." The girl moaned as she cradled her skull.

"Stop complaining human. If it weren't for me forcing my way out we would have been captured." The addressed sealed monster had no pity for her, although there was some amusement in her agony.

He spoke the truth though. Kakuzu had appeared and attacked her from out of nowhere without warning. Before she could even get a jutsu in, she, Neji, and Kin, had been smacked through a dozen trees and then pinned down with log knows how many of his tentacles. She would be lying if she said she didn't expect something from Kakashi's books to happen at one point in her panic. Said panic was part of the reason why she allowed the monster to take over completely so easily.

"Shut up." She pouted while cradling her head. "It was a big risk letting you out and you know it. You were barely coherent of anything when that God thing or whatever it was came."

"I'd rather your allies and enemies killed with us free than be captured at all." The biju growled dangerously. "Unlike you, I do not have confidence that we would be saved should the worst happen."

"So much for confidence in lucky seven." Fuu sarcastically shot back as she slowly picked herself up.

"Bout time you woke up." Kin snorted a short distance away from her side, sitting on a piece of a tree trunk and covered in bandages.

"Choumei gave me that crap already. Tell me something new or give me aspirin."

"I thought that stuff didn't work on jinchuriki."

"Special made aspirin. Tsunade is a Goddess."

"Ah."

It was at that point that Fuu noticed that the usual biting and casual tone in Kin's was missing.

"Kin? What happened?" She rubbed her eyes and looked around with more focus.

The forest had pretty much been decimated, as expected from all the fighting that had taken place what with the rampaging biju, former kage, taijutsu masters and hell knows how many Akatsuki running about. Not to mention the fucking God, which she still was having doubts about.

A short distance away she saw the rest of her group huddled about something. The old man was talking quietly and silently to Lee and Neji. As for Gai…

… Oh hell. The something the other three were huddled about was Gai.

"No way." Her eyes widened and her headache vanished. "How… how did…"

"Don't know. Lee's been practically mute since we got back together. Neji hasn't been much better." On closer inspection, it was blatantly obvious that Kin had been crying for some time. She didn't lose control over herself, but that might have been simply because she was too tired to do so.

"This... This…" Fuu struggled with her words, trying to make sense of it all.

"Oh good, no one else died."

Everyone else turned to see Crypt walking to them with a bored expression while carrying a woman's body over his shoulder. The fact that she was wearing the Akatsuki coat was not missed.

Hiruzen was the first to find his voice. "I thought you lot weren't going to do our fights."

"We weren't." The newcomer shrugged before flopping the corpse onto the ground in front of everyone. Her exotic looks were countered by the blank stare she gave. "But then again, we weren't expecting people from our neck of the woods to show up either."

"Who is she?" Lee asked emotionlessly. "She wasn't in the reports. I don't recognize her."

"A freelance mercenary. Caused some trouble in some circles over the years, but in the end just wandered here by chance. Never met or dealt with her before until today." The violent man casually explained as if it wasn't his problem.

"I'm almost more surprised that you're making sense for once." Neji stated, taking in Crypt's new demeanor as if staring down an enemy.

"Don't get used to it. I don't bother with sanity much these days." The immortal yawned as he made his way to the three males around the body. "Too much useless thinking for my tastes."

"Clearly, given what happened." The Hyuuga grunted, his fists clenched.

"Neji-kun. Now is not the time for…" Hiruzen tried to placate the boy.

"No! This is just like three years ago all over again!" He wouldn't have it. "First it was my eye, and now it is Gai-sensei! Will we be losing an entire team next?"

"Who knows? Not my problem. Complain to me when you actually did something brat." Crypt was not impressed as he still walked forward without care. "Don't think I didn't notice you being useless on the sidelines."

"I…" The Hyuuga's hands clenched tightly enough to draw blood.

"He held off two Akatsuki at any given time Neji-kun. You saw Sasori yourself as he aided Kakuzu escape. Crypt held off the man and…" Hiruzen admitted before acknowledging the second corpse in their midst. "This young woman, at the same time while we were fighting, then he held her off and Hidan when things turned against us.

Neji flinched but held his ground. "We could have coordinated better if we were aware he was with us. We could have been more efficient. We could have…"

"I would still have gone after the woman. I would still have only gone after her. Hidan still would have pulled a fast one on us. And given what you were up against, you likely would have still lost as many people while I was busy wiping your asses." The temporarily sane man yawned while still moving forward until he was standing right over Gai, looking at the body with the barest of interest.

"… Can you do anything Crypt-sensei?" Lee asked emptily, his eyes never turning away from the man that was practically his father.

"Hmmm." He blinked several times as if looking at a boring puzzle.

"Lee. I'm sure that he has many abilities available to him, but I don't think…" Hiruzen began to try and console the child…

And then in a single movement, the madman whipped out his scythe and stabbed the jeweled end of the weapon into Gai's heart.

Everyone's jaw dropped. Whatever they had been expecting the man to do, it sure as hell wasn't that.

"Sensei!" Lee gasped.

"Did he just do what I fucking think he did?!" Kin shouted in both alarm and rage.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Neji snarled and took an offensive stance. "You have the nerve to not only mock us but desecrate the body of our teacher as well?!"

"Crypt." Hiruzen didn't move much other than glare menacingly at the offender. He demanded an explanation and he wanted it now.

"Shut up and watch." A brief glance back with his glowing eyes was enough to silence the bulk of them right then and there.

"I'm getting tired of this. First Ghost now you." Neji proved himself to not of the bulk. "The whole lot of you just goes about doing whatever you want without ever thinking of the consequences…"

"Sensei?" Lee's confused statement distracted his teammate's tirade, and thus unknowingly prevented Crypt from killing him to finally silence the brat.

The reason for Lee speaking out was from the minor movements being made on Gai's corpse. Movements that were… human.

"… I… I thought you don't save the beaten." Hiruzen whispered in disbelief, unable to turn his eyes away.

"I don't. Doesn't mean I don't give them favors every now and then for amusing me." The immortal shrugged as if what he did wasn't a big deal.

"Favors?"

"Mmm." Gai frowned and shifted uncomfortably before opening his one good eye. "What? What happened? Why is my body heavy? Why is Crypt here?"

"He's… he's alive!" Lee's voice gained strength and hope, fresh tears flowing anew.

"He's dead." Crypt corrected, shooting down everyone's happiness instantly.

"Dead?" Gai frowned, the only one able to find his voice in the situation.

"I have my cursed scythe pierced through his heart." He spoke slowly as it talking to the mentally disabled. "This is only keeping his body alive temporarily. The second I take it out he's gone again, only this time minus the heart. I may be mistaken, but I don't see the bitch with tits anywhere nearby, do you? Not that she would be able to do anything with half his body destroyed by this curse anyways."

Neji all but snapped at that point. "If that's the case… and you can't save him… THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US YOU TWISTED EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN?!"

"I'm dead…" Gai repeated to himself weakly before looking around to see that everyone in his group was alive, and began to laugh with one of his trademark wide grins. "… Hahahaha. I see. I see. It that's the case… Yes, this is just like you. You have my deepest thanks Crypt."

"Finally. It takes the dead man child to get it." The immortal rolled his eyes. "And people think I'm the dense one."

"What are you talking about Sensei?" Lee asked almost as weakly as his teacher, his body trembling. "Why are you thanking him? He won't bring you back…"

"… I see." Hiruzen nodded in sad comprehension before turning to clearly distraught Hyuga. "Neji-kun. Crypt didn't bring back Gai to make fun of you."

"He brought him back so that we could all say goodbye."

The teen flinched and took a step back in shock, unable to find the words to respond.

"I remember…" Gai was still smiling. "I remember my father. He was a genin his entire life. Everyone mocked him for acting like a fool. But… he was strong. Taught me about the gates and everything. It was our family secret. … and then my team was caught by the Seven Swordsmen at the time during the third war. We had no way out. And then dad came. He saved us… opened all 8 gates and held all of them off at once while we ran. I… I said goodbye to his back, while running away. It felt terrible doing that. My last memory of my dad was his back, even if it was a mighty sight."

"He was a good man with integrity. A bit peculiar, but he raised a fine son." Hiruzen nodded recalling the times he had to bid farewell to his own friends and loved ones. "From experience… it's not often that we can say farewell to something other than a corpse or a back. Many times we don't even have a body to talk to."

"Kakashi had it worse. He walked in onto his father's body. He committed suicide after that one mission and hated the man for years after that… ah, I probably shouldn't have said that." Gai winced at his faux pas. "Shame he isn't here too. I would have liked at least one last match. We were still tied you know? I wanted to see our students go head to head again and finally make him shut up with that blasted 3 for 3 comment."

Neji couldn't help but snort in amusement. It was just like his teacher to bring up his rivalry like this. He didn't care that he was crying freely anymore.

"Tenten… poor girl. You guys take care of her." The Master sighed woefully. "That one is strong like metal, but still brittle sometimes… but you lot know that already. She's come the farthest out of all of us since we first came together. She won't take this well. Try to have her get over this and back to her youthful self quickly will you? We can't have her flames go out yet. She's so close to her dream. I'd never be able to carry on if I was the reason why she didn't make it. Tell her I'll never leave her alone in the afterlife if she doesn't make it. I know full well how embarrassed I can make her and I fully intend to be a hundred, no a hundred thousand times worse if she doesn't meet my expectations."

"Of course Sensei." Lee was trembling uncontrollably.

"She'll hate all of us for that message." Neji nodded in agreement.

"I don't care. She's my student so I get to do and say to her whatever I want." Gai pouted childishly before turning to the girl who was slowly making her way to him with help from Fuu. "Kin… are you ok?"

"I'll live." She smiled sheepishly before wincing as she realized how poorly timed the joke was.

It didn't stop Crypt from chuckling in amusement at the slip up.

"You've grown so much since you joined us." He didn't take offense to it at all. "We had some issues at first, but you've become a fine young woman with your own path. I'm proud to have you under my care."

He then winked slyly. "You also wear the training suit far better than Lee or I could ever manage."

Everyone there gaped at Gai's comment before Kin burst out laughing with tears coming from her face. "Ahaha! I don't believe it! Sensei had a sex drive after all! Hahaha-ow!"

She winced as her merriment was interrupted by her injuries, but she didn't stop laughing. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she stopped now.

"Hey." The man pouted. "For your information I know how to woo a woman just as easily as Kakashi."

That only made Kin laugh even harder.

Under most circumstances, Hiruzen would have edged Gai to move along. Under most circumstances, Gai wasn't dead. So he just settled for a weak face palm.

"Fuu-chan." He looked at the young woman helping his student. "We didn't know one another as well as most, and you from another village, but it was an honor to fight with you. You are a strong young woman with a great burden and task on your shoulders. This mission was to protect you from the enemy, but don't blame yourself for what happened to me. We all expected to fight Akatsuki at some point and this is just how it turned out. You aren't at fault for this, and no one here believes that either."

"Fair warning. I'll hit you if you go emo on us." Kin stated as she finally got her laughing under control with a sniff. No one doubted that she would either.

"I… yeah." The jinchuriki faltered in her words. It had been only just a few hours ago that she had been laughing and joking with the man on the road and now she was at his death bed. "Th-thanks Gai. It really sucks what happened. Hanging out with you was always really fun."

"Of course it was. I'm the epitome of fun!" The man grinned proudly.

"You were, the epitome of fun." Crypt corrected.

"I WAS, the epitome of… oi! Let me have my moment!" The man snapped.

"Being dead is no excuse for poor grammar." The immortal stood his ground, quoting a ghost he had met a few centuries back.

Hiruzen simply sighed. He should have expected something like this to happen by now.

"Neji." Gai turned to his student, pretending to ignore the man who had stabbed him in the chest to make him temporarily alive lecture him about grammar. "You've changed the most since you came to me. You're more accepting of things. Patient. A true genius in your own right. But you still have much to learn. I heard a bit of what you said earlier. You are right to a degree… but there are some people that simply work differently than what we are used to. They don't betray or lie on purpose, they are just… different in the head. You need to adapt to this."

"… I'll try sensei. But it's hard to do it now. You're dead." Neji tried to argue feebly. "How can I just ignore that? This is the second time this has happened and a simple organ transplant won't fix it."

"If I was the only one killed from this terrible situation, then I am grateful. I never would have forgiven myself if any of you were harmed in my place." Gai nodded. "I doubt that anyone could have predicted that this would happen. Whatever had possessed that unyouthful man was something we could not manage with what we had done. Even Hokage-sama's technique was ineffective in the end."

"… Sensei's right Neji." Lee added, looking back to the corpse that was nearby. "That woman nearly killed me right off the bat from an extreme distance. If she had been left alone I doubt that even half of us would still be here."

Crypt rolled his eyes. At best one or two would have managed to live if they were lucky. The rat wasn't particularly powerful, but her weapons and skills were too diverse for most of the locals to handle. She was much like that Tenten girl, she had a tool or trick on hand for nearly every situation.

... Still didn't save her from him though.

It didn't help that she had been using some of Scab's old tech during the fight either. That radiation gun used was outdated, but it was still a complete bitch to heal from even if he took a glancing blow. The shit stuck to bodies and clothes worse than weed. He'd be gathering and spitting out mutated cells from his body for weeks after this.

"And what now?" Gai looked to Crypt. "Is that unyouthful man dead? Is the… God gone?"

"No and no." The immortal yawned. "I just severed the link between the two. Both are still alive and kicking. You only saw maybe a sliver of what a real god actually was, as for Hidan…" He glanced back at Lee who returned the look unflinchingly. "He's not mine."

"… Thank you." Lee nodded in appreciation before Neji could begin to worry again.

"Lee." Gai's face softened. "You don't mean…"

"He's ours sensei. It would be unyouthful to claim his head for myself." Lee stated calmly.

The two stared at one another for a few seconds before the dead man snorted in amusement. "Hah. I suppose that I can let you get away with that much. Neji. Kin. Make sure he doesn't go any further than that. It would be a travesty if his flames of youth would ever go out. Understand?"

"Yes Sensei." The addressed shifted uncomfortably.

"I take it that you will none the less do something to prevent a repeat occurrence with the God?" Hiruzen looked at Crypt. "I doubt even you were pleased with what happened here."

"Eventually." His casual response didn't placate any concerns, but it didn't agitate them either. "Doesn't mean I'm making things easy for you lot."

"It doesn't matter. We'll find a way." Lee shot down everyone's concerns instantly with a confidence that matched a certain blonde.

"Hahaha. Good. I like the fire you have Lee." Gai's grin widened into something fierce. "You are a true genius of hard work. I have no doubt that you will go even farther than me as you grow, but always listen to your rivals and friends. With them you will truly be unstoppable."

Lee tried to agree with the man, but ended up sniffing heavily instead, accidentally spraying his tears and snot everywhere. It didn't help when he sneezed either.

"O-oi! Lee! I know you're sad but be careful! I don't want to go to the other side covered in boogers!" The dead man panicked and futilely moved his head left and right to avoid the projectiles.

The other shinobi managed to get a good laugh out of that bit.

"S-sowwwy." Lee's strong demeanor finally seemed to go away as his face softened and regained its goofy standard look.

"Honestly. What are you lot going to do without me?" The man sighed and shook his head in mock depression before once more regaining his composure. "I know… I know you lot looked up to me despite how I acted at times. We were more than a team. We were family, we are a family… but even those don't last forever. Grow. Grow and be strong not for me but your students and children someday. Put everything into your teachings. Protect your loved ones. Become an unstoppable force. And while you beat down your foes, and stand your ground, remember this…"

The dead man's lungs suddenly inflated to the brim, and the mighty beast let out its final roar, a call so mighty that it could be heard for miles around.

"YOU ARE THE STUDENTS OF GAI MAIGHTO! THE PROUD GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA! A SHINOBI SO MIGHTY IT TOOK A GOD ITSELF TO PUT HIM DOWN FOR GOOD! ALL OF YOU WILL ALWAYS GROW STRONGER! ALL OF YOU WILL ALWAYS BURN WITH UNMATCHED YOUTH! ALL OF YOU WILL SURPASS ME! ALL OF YOU WILL KEEP GOING FORWARD! THAT IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE IN TEAM GAI! UNDERSTOOD?!"

"SIR YES SIR!" Kin, Neji, and Lee stood at attention and replied as one, all with tears falling freely down their faces.

As if on cue, the man's uncorrupted arm shot up with its thumb up, accompanied by the man grinning so fiercely that all his teeth shined. It was the smile of a hungry predator. Even Crypt blinked in surprise by the action. He had kept the man alive, but the subject shouldn't have had the energy to do more than talk and move his head.

"Good. Then I will leave you lot to your duty, while I go my own way." The master stated without hesitation. "Hokage-sama. I expect you to help them out if needed."

"Hah. I'm old Gai. What purpose do I have other than that these days?" Hiruzen chuckled in good mirth, trying to play off the situation. "Although they do look like an energetic lot. I might have to force them on Kakashi every now and then…"

"You do that and I'll haunt you till you croak geezer." Gai's face went completely serious.

"Please. I don't have that much time left myself and you still don't have the attention span to carry that through." Hiruzen blew off the dead man's threat. "Though if you can haunt someone of reputable age, I might have a list stored somewhere of possible targets if you need any references…"

"Humph. Well there's only way to test that out." The Proud Green Beast smirked before looking at Crypt and made eye contact…

Three seconds. No one had not noticed the man's eyes blur during that time, as if he was somewhere else, and unresponsive to the world. For a moment those watching had thought that he was already going… and then his gaze gained clarity once more.

"… I see. So that's how it is…" Gai frowned and closed his eyes with a deep sigh before once more donning a savage smirk, matching the one on Crypt's face.

"I accept."

Blood sprayed up as the Scythe was pulled from the corpse.

o. o. o.

The shinobi guarding the envoy all looked at the same direction. They had felt something off from the same area earlier, but now…

"… Sensei?" Tenten all but whispered in disbelief, a tear falling down her cheek.

Kakashi didn't say anything as he leaned up against a tree, unconsciously causing electricity to arc all around him in his barely restrained agitation.

Naruto remained silent in Hinata's grasp. No one believed he was asleep given the constant killing intent he was letting off and the subtle growling he had been making ever since the first concerning power had been detected.

A God had appeared on his world.

That should not have been possible.

He had made sure that it wouldn't happen.

Ghost had a lot of explaining to do.

Omake:

Heartbroken

"The whole thing was a fiasco," Sasori whispered, carrying Hidan on his back, "Again."

"Stop complaining," Kakuzu replied, as the trio walked the way back to Ame, "At least you emerged relatively unscathed. Speaking of it, I lost some of my hearts in the fighting."

"We will find others," Sasori said, "Leader keeps many bodies in Ame after all. You will get quite the choice-"

"Actually," Kakuzu said, tendrils emerging from beneath his skin, "I was thinking about restocking right here."

Before Sasori could reply, the tendrils stuck Hidan's chest, ripping his heart out of his ribcage, drawing an agonizing scream from the defeated madman.

"Kakuzu," Sasori whispered in surprise and a hint of morbid curiosity, "What are you doing?"

"I don't always need a fresh heart," Kakuzu replied, "But when I do, I take Hidan's."

Sasori looked at Hidan in silence. "Can he even regrow one?"

"What, you think this is the first time I did this?" Kakuzu shrugged, assimilating the heart into his body mass. "I tried everything to get rid of him. Everything. At least this way he has a use."

"Mmm... it will be interesting to watch it grow again," Sasori said, "Fascinating indeed."

"Hate you..." Hidan managed to blurt out. "Hate you both..."

"Still, I am surprised you went this far," Sasori said.

"Why?" Kakuzu asked, honestly curious. "I'm a stone cold mercenary, what did you expect?"

"No, no, I mean... you really hate Hidan."

"... Yes?"

"And now you literally have a little of him inside you."

A heavy silence followed, shortly ended by an endless death rattle.

"... ah... ah... AHAHA! I didn't knew... you were gay for me... Kakuzu!"

"Shut up Hidan!"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Betaing and omake thanks to Kagaseo.

I said it from the beginning. There would be character deaths.

As much as I like to abuse shonen tropes and humor, I cannot do a fic like this without offing main characters and still think it's good. Yes that does mean that there will be more deaths. No. I'm not turning this into a grimderp bullshit. Humor is still abound in tremendous quantities, but more serious issues will take place regardless and I won't skirt around those issues. This story wouldn't be of the same quality it has been all this time without it.

I know many of you expected Gai to go all out in here, or all out before he died if at all, but sometimes characters and people go before their max potential could be realized. It just happens sometimes, unfortunately.

I hope you all see why I dedicated these two chapters to Monty now. A bit dark, but I felt it was too fitting to simply ignore.

The god "Jashin" is not a true evil god. It is a manifestation of the bond between two or more parties that do one another harm. It is revelation of blood. It is adores murder and chaos…

… but it still needs at least two parties to be.

Hidan loves feeling the pain of his enemies, or at least knowing that the pain he's experiencing is felt by his enemies. He is immortal. His techniques require a bond to be established between him and his targets… but his religion encourages not only the murder of enemies, but also that the practitioners mutilate themselves.

In my eyes, jashin isn't a god of "evil", but one that thrives on the relationship between murderer and victim, especially the pain, emotions, and energy that is let loose in the most extreme moments.

I try to show that more in the effects that come about when the god is out, and in the dialogue, but… it's a bit hard to make something vague like that a theme, you know?

Anyways, despite how things have gotten in this chapter, don't expect every fight to be on this level. Gods and the Oogakari are on a completely different level, yes, but this isn't their story. This is Naruto's. This is his world's problem, so the vast majority of what happens here will be on that level. The reason why I put fights like this here is to show just not just the readers, but the native characters how nuts things can get, and then make them react accordingly.

I admit, part of my inspiration for this approach is from History's Strongest Deciple. If you've read it, think of the natives are at the apprentice level, and the Oogakari and Gods are at the Master's level. If you've read farther into the manga, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Yes Hidan is still around. Yes Jashin has gotten away. But I assure you all, there will be a reckoning. I am not stupid as to just leave it there.

As for Presence… I'm just going to explain the mastery in 5 levels, from basic to advance.

Reinforcement of self and actions.

Interference of outside phenomena onto oneself.

Redefinition of established actions and activities. Nickname: "Ways of Gods."

Nickname: "Law"

Nickname: "Order."

Note 1: All users of Order are God Class. No exceptions. That does not mean that all God Classes can use Order. Ex. Scabbard Oogakari is incapable of utilizing Order.

Note 2: There are only 5 characters in the Narutoverse that are capable of mastering the 3rd step at all at this point in time. Whether or not they do learn it is to be determined.

Onto other news…

Yeah. This chapter is fucking huge. I didn't think it would be this long. Sorry.

I was at anime Boston too. It was really fun. If you guys at any point saw some shmuck with glasses walking around wearing just an Urahara hat and no other cosplay stuff… that was me. So be proud… you saw Third Fang… with an Urahara hat!

Also, if you saw a girl dressed as Tifa with fake blood all over her… that was my sister! Yeah, She's good at that kinda stuff!

Look up her stuff. It's pretty good:

Facebook and deviantart: CeryneianHind

As for real life… it's kicking my ass. Finishing my masters in electrical engineering this May, looking for a job... getting headaches for a bunch of in family issues... and I turned 26.

… I'm old. Sniff.

But REJOICE READERS! I AM FINALLY GETTING BACK TO FFD! ABOUT FREAKING TIME!

… I want to sleep now… but can't… turn away… from monster hunter 4… finally G rank… paralyzing longsword for the win…

Oh yeah. And if anyone still feels like doing fanart… I really would like something not oogakari related. Not that I don't appreciate it, but I just want some of the Naruto characters to get some love.

Same goes for the tvtropes page, notably the characters sections.

SO THAT'S IT FOR NOW FOLKS!

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! WORSHIP MONTY OUM EVEN MORE! JUST KEEP ON GOING! AND REVIEW AGAIN!