Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

19. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen: Shut up, I'm busy dancing to the original Dragonball theme song.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

"Aw look, they're sulking. How cute." Shadow grinned as she stood in front of the small crowd sitting in front of her.

Wham!

"I know this goes without saying, but compassion isn't her strong suit. My apologies." Waltz sighed, ignoring the newly formed crater he had just made with his sister's face.

"By all means, please continue with her. It will make being here almost tolerable." Tsume crossed her arms irritably as she looked around the Oogakari's basement once more. She had not come here more than a handful of times, but in every instance she felt uncomfortable at just how vast the place was. Even though she was underground, she felt exploring a hidden country.

It had been only a few hours since word of Gai's death had spread to Konoha's higher-ups. Each person there either had sensed what happened, or was in a high enough political position that it was better that they'd know now rather than later. Kiba. Akamaru. Tsume. Kuromaru. Tsunade. Shizune. Inoichi. Shukakau. Chouza. Shibi. Asuma. Kurenai, and Hiashi were all present.

"Should have broken out the party favors for this." Waltz knew that it was a half-hearted gesture at best, especially since Shadow had a habit of hoarding snacks like a dragon with treasure, but dealing with grumpy and irritable people en masse was never an enjoyable activity.

"We still haven't learned of the real reason why we were called down here." Inoichi warily looked around; the natural chakra around him felt unique, which disturbed him. "I take it that it has something to do with Gai's death and that peculiar chakra that I felt earlier."

They hadn't made an official statement on it yet. It was too soon. It took time for information to normally get to Konoha from Taki, and if they acted now they run the risk of raising unwanted questions. It was best to keep things quiet until an official message got back.

"It's worse. So many of us wouldn't have been called down here just for that." Shikaku elaborated, going over the conclusions that he had worked out with what little information he had. "Given who is here and how we are all related, I think it's safe to assume that the Oogakari had a hand in the event."

With more chaos and flying debris than necessary, Shadow dislodged her head from the ground. "Long story short," she grumbled, "Akatsuki managed to get someone to teach them how to use Presence. Said person is now dead, but yeah, the secret's out."

"Tch. Of course." The Nara clan head clicked his tongue in annoyance. That had been one of the worst hypothesis he had come up with.

"That is a problem." Chouza nodded in agreement. While kept secret from the populace, some of the major clan heads in Konoha had actually learned how to use Presence over the course of the last three years, mostly as a sign of good faith from the Oogakari. The adults were not as proficient as their children for the most part; however combined with their already matured bodies and skills, this edge enabled them to maintain their position among the rest of the clan.

In addition, each clan head had to sign a contract concluding they would only teach the secrets of Presence to the next Head, and so on. Much like clan techniques, it was universally understood that letting knowledge of this power spread had to be prevented at all costs.

"That cannot be all." Shibi adjusted his glasses. "It is concerning information, but there are plenty of other locations where we could have safely discussed this."

"We're here to train, or at least learn the basics of a new technique." Shikaku guessed. "Every time anyone comes down here, it's to train."

"I reached to the same conclusion." Hiashi nodded in agreement. "I take it there is something to take into account when dealing with other Presence users that we hadn't been informed of."

"Yep! Everyone's getting a good old PVP 2001 class." Shadow brushed the dust and stones from her hair. "What to do and not do when matching your being against another's, and how not to fuck up."

"And why didn't you teach it sooner?" Kiba asked warily.

"There was no reason to." The young woman shrugged. "I mean, no one else besides us knew how to use Presence here in the first place. And… well… not that we needed one, but it was always something we intended to hold over everyone's heads in case some idiot got any smart ideas. You guys would have done the same."

No one bothered to take the woman's bait. They knew damn well she was trying to get a rise out of them. It was what she did. That and they were beyond arguing about it. Whether or not they really would have done the same if they had been in the Oogakaris' position was a question best left unsaid.

"Despite the fact that I know that I'm not going to like this, what exactly are we dealing with?" Asuma bit the bullet. "Presence is a pretty nifty trick, but other than making our techniques and actions better, I don't see how using it against someone else's could backfire. I've used mine against my students before and I haven't noticed any real difference."

The moment he saw Shadow grin at him like a cat that caught the canary, he knew he should have kept his mouth shut.

"This is gonna suck." Kiba wept. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Excellent question chain-smoker-chan." Shadow tilted to the side innocently. "Can everyone that can't use Presence, please walk to the side a bit? Tsunade, Shizune you two can follow as well since you're still a bit rattled from earlier."

And there was one of the biggest elephants in the room. Since the beginning, everyone else there had noticed the fact that the Hokage and her assistant were both clearly out of it. Pale and jittery, the two looked like they were still recovering from being in shock, but no one had made a comment on it.

"Don't tell me that we're going to end up like that after this." Tsume glanced at the two women as they, Shibi and Chouza walked off to the side.

"No, they underwent something a bit more… radical, recently, and are still recuperating from it." The old man's poker face would have been perfect if it weren't for the fact that he was normally incredibly easy to read. Just being impassive gave him away instantly.

"I'd greatly appreciate it if you never did that near us again." Shizune politely bowed. "Or around anyone else for that matter."

"I could swear, but that would be an empty promise and you know it." Admittedly, Shadow knew it was a bit overboard to invoke Zuzushi's name near noobies, but she was not one for coddling them either.

"The effort would still be appreciated." Tsunade shivered. In a single instant she had witnessed the end of the world and the birth of its replacement. Nerves that she never knew existed were still tingling and twitching rampantly at the overexposure.

"Oi, you make it sound like we make it a habit." She may do a lot of crazy and irrational things, but calling out her tenant's name repeatedly was just flat out stupid.

"Somehow I doubt that anyone will indulge us as to what this traumatizing event is." Kurenai shook her head reluctantly. "And for the same reason, I doubt that I wish to know."

Everyone else there quietly agreed.

"Ok." Shadow clapped her hands together loudly. "Now that the haves and the have nots are separated, we can begin with the demonstration. You! People that know things! Please demonstrate your competency!"

"Could she not have put it like that?" Chouza mumbled under his breath. Even though he had put in a bit of effort into learning how to use Presence, he never did get the hang of it like his son did.

The air slowly rippled as reality seemed to be overlapped with another image.

The black hand with a single eye that watched and swayed the world gently…

The pristine white pillar that rose high into the sky, stretching so high no bird could ever witness its apex…

The great black bitch, head of the pack, the vicious mother…

The ash covered ape from the volcano that explores the land far and wide…

The beautiful tree of tales of fables, with leaves and flowers of every color and design. So mysterious and fleeting that its very existence is questionable…

The echoes of thoughts, pervading and resounding through all minds where all sentient beings are the same…

The hunt of the pack personified. Fangs and teeth, claws and power, organized and ever moving for the kill. Group function and efficiency at its most primal…

"Hmm." Shadow's lips twitched in mild amusement as her senses were bombarded. "I suppose that will do."

"So?" The black hand twitched, yearning to influence and learn, to expand and evolve. "What now?"

"Now." Waltz grunted as he stretched his back slightly, making it pop loudly as he yawned. "Now, you try to stay up."

At the old man's words, everyone that had been using their Presences had instantly set themselves to fight. They had all suspected that they might have been set up, so their reaction times were nearly instantaneous.

Sadly, none of them could anticipate what happened next.

Every one of them save for Asuma and Kiba were floored automatically, and even they were barely holding on. They were all still perfectly fine physically, however every single one of them felt as if they were being crushed by a mountain, their very existence oppressed by an invisible force.

The black hand struggled on the ground next to the maliciously growling bitch.

The white pillar bent dangerously under the immeasurable weight, as did the tree that seemed to fade in an attempt to escape.

The sounds of the echoes were slowly being snuffed out, unable to exist in such an environment.

Only the great hunt and the ash covered ape remained defiant, albeit struggling to do so.

Waltz had not moved in the slightest. His bored and relaxed expression had not changed. His body was completely lax.

It was as though he wasn't even trying or noticing what was happening in the first place.

It was overwhelming in every sense of the word. A fact that was imposed on everything that existed and would ever exist. None could ever avoid it completely, and all that could recognize it would.

He is The Old.

That which has existed and accumulated experience before the action of doing so was even adapted by the earliest life forms. Ever enduring. Ever imposing. Ever influencing. Ever witnessing. Ever gaining significance with each instant. The Old never truly vanished, as it was never solely applicable to "life" in the first place. The moment all had come to being had stayed so beyond that first instant, so had he…

… No, that was merely when he was first recognized. The Old was already there long before then.

They could not handle being near such a powerful and influential existence.

They were going to fall apart. Their minds, their bodies, their very beings were cracking, unRAveling, faDINg, forgetting, DISorganizing, fracturing…

THey wEre goiNg tO die. THey WeRe gOIng tO vanish. Th-Y W-re go-g tO break. -H-y w-r- -o-n- -O…

Be fine as the overwhelming pressure vanished as quickly as it came.

"Mmm. Not that surprising." Shadow commented as everyone at once collapsed and or threw up the instant the initial shock of being freed ended. "Asuma and Kiba do have more experience and stronger Presences after all. Kurenai never did put in much of an effort into hers despite training in it for just as long."

"Oi." Chouza shivered, deeply disturbed by what he had just seen but otherwise physically fine. "What the heck was that?"

"I would also like to know." Shibi attempted to appear calm, but the shaking hand pushing up his glasses betrayed him. "All of us are aware that your clan mastered Presence, however that demonstration…"

Waltz smiled faintly. "We may have mentioned it in passing, but for future reference, I happen to be particularly talented when it comes to this field."

"Talented my ass." Shadow rolled her eyes. "Ladies and bitches, may I introduce Waltz Oogakari, the man with the strongest Presence ever recorded. Ever. If you make a list of the most dangerous techniques and weapons in my clan's arsenal, the old man's will be in the top five every damn time. He's a bloody freak, and I'm using that term lightly."

"Takes one to know one." Said bloody freak muttered under his breath.

"Of course you're freaks! We've been telling you that for years!" Kiba shouted at the top of his lungs, being the only one of the victims that had the strength, foolishness, and control over his stomach contents to do so. "Get to the point! What the hell was that?!"

The immortal woman pouted childishly. "That, you boring non-freak plebian, was what happens when you confront a vastly superior Presence to an inferior one. You may be able to put up a resistance, but it might as well be a paper shield."

"I believe a visual aid is in order." Waltz stepped up, with two balls of water floating above his free hand. "Imagine for example, that this water represents your being and another's. Without your Presence, it is fluid or gas for that matter, easy to influence with certain means."

Warily, everyone watched as he swept his hand through one of the balls effortlessly. Moments later he took out a small vial full of purple liquid and poured it into the water, changing its color.

"Against external forces that can also influence definitions and notions, it is difficult to put up any sort of resistance other than maybe having even more existential weight, or willpower, to dilute the effects. But with Presence…"

The second ball of water solidified into a perfectly round sphere of ice. Obviously, the old man's hand could not pass through it, and the dye he applied to its top merely slid off with little change.

"Nothing happens." He continued the lesson. "Which seems all well and good, but not without some risks."

Soon enough, the purple water also turned to ice, and proceeded to crush the latter sphere under its weight.

"Unlike ice, which turns to water eventually, if your presence breaks from too much external influence, you break. And there's no coming back from breaking, no matter how many medical and spiritual specialists you find and gather. Your very self is permanently damaged."

"So, what we felt just now was your Presence exerting pressure on ours directly, and the recoil of our own being unable to hold up against it." Hiashi summarized.

"Why haven't we noticed it before then?" Kiba grimaced at the unknown risk of using something he had been using for years. "Everyone in my group has used it against each other at one point or another. We would have noticed something like that had happened."

"You were using it to enhance your actions and techniques. On yourselves instead of others. The barest of bare basics. That and you lot are nowhere near strong enough to snuff out or impact other definitions like that." Shadow shrugged. "Great for developing and practicing, but most experienced users utilize Presence in more efficient ways."

"And what is that?" Shikaku didn't like this. There were too many things that they were only just now learning about Presence. He felt like they were playing with fire and only just learning what burns were, let alone how bad they could be.

"Being more efficient. Waltz! Prepare!" Turning to the old man, the woman raised her hand above her head and brought it down swiftly at the same time he did.

He chose rock. She had scissors.

"Well prepared." She hissed in anger.

"Shut up." His "rock" jabbed out and nailed her in the face while facing his audience. "Did any of you see what we were doing?"

"I saw two idiots." Tsume deadpanned.

"Other than the obvious."

"Your hands blurred for a moment." Kurenai frowned. "I thought you two were just showing off your speed as you kept changing."

"They weren't moving that fast." Shikaku shook his head. "They used their Presence to watch and change their movements accordingly. Normally it takes a few instants for someone to notice the other's decision and more to actually change. Your hands never stopped moving as they went down."

The black hand's eye blinked once, but never turned away.

Waltz smiled faintly. "You noticed."

With another blur, his and Shadow's arms went up and down again, this time his paper to her rock.

"Suffer!" The woman went to punch him, only to get effortlessly bitch slapped into a boulder laying nearby.

"When not defending yourself, Presence is best used not to strengthen your abilities, but to hone your actions. Increase efficiency and reduce energy for the same results. Observing your opponent. Processing information. Its main and original use though will always be for defense. No doubt you have witnessed young Hinata demonstrate such abilities such as tanking through jutsu without harm. However, that doesn't address the phenomena that occurs when two actually clash directly, overlapping the same space and event…"

Shadow burst from the rubble at Waltz from behind with her hand raised to chop his skull. A great darkness that possessed infinite and nothing at the same time dominated the air, and with its limitless potential the hand coming down would absolutely crack down on his…

… Miss his skull, as The Old…

… Bled out among the dry expanse, brain matter…

CRACK!

Waltz seemed to shift through reality like a bubble underwater, his image bending and flexing through where he was and the meter to the right he had relocated to as Shadow fell through where he had once been and shattered the stone beneath her.

WHAM!

"FUUUUUUUUUU...!"

She then flew through the air as the old man punted her with no small amount of force.

"While strong attacks and defenses are useful, ensuring that your actions actually work in the first place is often the best choice. However as a result, while the action itself may be assured, the results, which power supplements, may be diluted." The old man turned back to his surprised audience. "When two supposedly absolute phenomenon clash, irregularities can happen. As a result, when it comes to Presence Vs. Presence fights, it tends to be a bit of a mix between specializations and rock paper scissors. Power breaks through defense. Defense prevents the results of assurance, and obviously, assurance outmaneuvers raw power."

"Assurance?" Kurenai raised an eyebrow.

"The pseudo halfway point between the second, "interference", and third, "the ways", levels of Presence Mastery," the old man replied absentmindedly, "Not redefining personal actions, but not physically enforcing the actions either. Truth be told, it is the highest form that most practitioners manage to master."

He was being honest. It was often the highest level Presence related skill that most dimension travelers mastered before they were considered experienced. Those that mastered "the ways" were considered veterans.

Anyone that managed to achieve, let alone master, Law or Order though, the final tiers of Presence mastery, could only be called monsters. They had transcended their mortality. The change that took place in the minds of those that crossed those lines was a point of no return.

The Family, hell, anyone that traveled between dimensions, rarely ever informed others of the existence of Law and Order, let alone possible ways to utilize it. They may be purposefully careless at times, but they weren't that cruel.

He paused to yawn and scratch his chest. "The vast majority of people tend to gravitate towards at least one of these three fundamentals, but power and defense are to be the easiest and best way to start for beginners. Easier to wrap their heads around. As a person gets more familiar and experienced, it's fairly common to start using two or all of variants at once. The rock paper scissors analogy best describes the interaction between those who are still new and can only use one at a time. Obviously, there are exceptions, but that goes without saying. Any questions?"

Asuma was the first, hesitantly pointing at the old man. "You're on fire."

Indeed, while lecturing the group, Waltz's head was burning something fierce. A scathing memento from Shadow after he had punted her earlier.

"Quite. Again, any questions?" He pretended that nothing was wrong as the ice balls he had used in his earlier demonstration liquefied and smothered the burning.

"What do you lot specialize in?" Tsume crossed her arms. "If you say you all excel in all the categories, I'm walking."

Waltz had the humility to look embarrassed at her accusation. "Er. Yes, well, suffice to say all of my family do have sufficient mastery in all three categories, but if I were to be more specific… well I really am a genuine master of all three, but I don't have an actual preference. Shadow is one as well, but she tends to lean towards defense more often than not. Scabbard and Ghost are heavy assurance users, though they are just as strong in power. As for Crypt, well, he's a peculiar exception."

"This power of assurance, can it be applied to more than just physical actions?" Shikaku pressed warily. "Presence can enforce anyone's actions and the results, so it should be possible for you to use it for more subtle actions."

A twitch on Waltz' lips gave him away. "You catch on quickly. As expected of Shikamaru's father."

"What are you getting at?" Inoichi looked at his friend, not liking the grave look on his face.

"Ensuring the results of actions. That's too vague of a description to take at face value, unless that really is the best way to describe it." Shikaku frowned as he pushed further. "What if I used my Presence to help magnify my odds of convincing people to make me Hokage? Or to start a rebellion? Or to use a Genjutsu to change the mind or decisions of my target?"

The smile behind the large beard widened. "Well then, it would all depend on how convincing you were in the first place, your arguments, and your audience, wouldn't it? Presence is nothing but a magnifier of the user's actions and self after all. It only improves what was possible in the first place. There is a difference between unlikely and impossible after all."

Everyone began to pale as they started to realize what the two were getting at.

"No wonder you took all these steps to prevent others from learning this." Tsunade spoke first. "If everyone learned how to influence others like that…"

"Complete chaos." Waltz nodded. "Remember, unlike with chakra where you have to be born with a certain base amount to do anything notably significant, Presence can be wielded efficiently by anyone. What it enhances are things that the user was already capable of doing in the first place. Punching. Kicking. Running. Jumping. Watching. Motivating. Intimidating. With a strong enough Presence, even a civilian could theoretically match or surpass Tsunade's raw might or natural charisma. The stronger the base ability, the more potent the output will be. Just like any form of power, if it's used by everyone or those with ill intentions, or by an individual with their head up their ass, the results could end in disaster."

The underlying message was understood clearly by everyone. The reason why they had all been gathered so quickly was not just to prepare them for Akatsuki's sudden rise in threat level, but to warn them of just how dangerous Presence was in general for future reference and how disastrous spreading the technique would be. With it being theoretically easier for anyone to use, the risk of the masses, and by association the wrong people abusing it were obnoxiously high if it ever got out.

"And you?" Shibi frowned. "Is there any reason to believe that your family has not utilized these methods for your own gain in the village already?"

The immortal's smile faded. "You don't see Inoichi throwing about his clan's techniques every time he doesn't get what he wants, do you? One can be subtle enough to get away with some actions in general public, but even those actions would never escape detection when near an observant person, much less another practitioner. What you insinuated is considered among the highest forms of abuse and disrespect. We have little tolerance for such fools."

Many of the clan heads nodded in acknowledgement. It was similar to using ninjutsu in public or when doing business. Too much reliance on it could backfire.

That wasn't to say that they didn't do just that in specific circumstances, they were shinobi after all and underhanded dealings were a common occurrence, but some lines when dealing with allies couldn't be crossed.

If anything, Presence had to be handled even more carefully.

"The reasons why we are able to get away with what we did are simple. We're powerful. We know how human psychology works. We have strong connections to significant individuals in the local government. And Scabbard pays for any damages, blackmailing, and bribes that need tackling that are standard in politics."

"And because we're just that awesome." Shadow appeared from nowhere next to Waltz.

WHAM!

Thump.

And proceeded to get back fisted by him without even looking.

"Anything else before we begin?"

"You said that when your being is shattered, there was no coming back." Surprisingly it was Tsunade, who had been quiet for most of the meeting, who spoke up. "Was that what happened to Crypt?"

It took a few moments for the words to sink in for those that didn't know. At first they had to think to process what she had just said, but as it did, the weight of her words striking down to their very core.

Outside of the two Oogakari, Tsunade and Shizune, each and every person there had turned deathly pale.

They had only known Crypt as the mess of a human being that he was. Incomprehensive. Incoherent. Insane by every human standard…

It had crossed their minds at one point or another, but they had never truly dwelled on the possibility that the man had once been a genuine functioning individual. That he had been like them, talking and thinking before being reduced to… that.

The small, barely visible smile on Waltz's face was all too familiar. It was the face they themselves donned whenever recalling a bitter personal memory or fact that they would do anything to erase from existence.

"My god." The soft words escaped Chouza's mouth before he even knew he had uttered them.

Shikaku couldn't help but agree, but for more than that reason.

For all that he had learned. Despite all the power, knowledge, and prestige that the Oogakari claimed to possess, it was blatantly apparent…

… At one point in time, they had lost.

They had lost in a way that they could never recover from, and they had lived with a reminder of their defeat ever since.

Which begged the question, what sort of unimaginable abomination had managed to accomplish such a feat in the first place?

Judging by everyone's reactions, Waltz didn't even need to answer Tsunade's question. "I think you all have managed to figure out the answer already. Now, if you don't mind, I believe we should start your training…"

o. o. o.

With Naruto:

Whack.

"Ow! Damn it!"

Smack.

"Son of a!"

Slap.

"Stop trying to break my hands, forehead!"

"You quit being such a little girl!"

Shion couldn't help but giggle in mild amusement as she watched the show in front of her. While half of the shinobi with her were performing their duties, the other half were driving one another insane while playing a game she had seen children play in parks many times over.

Again, she observed Sakura hold out her hands face up, and Ino hold her own right above them. The two girls glared at one another furiously for several moments before their hands blurred.

For an instant it appeared as if Ino had managed to pull her hands away in time, but then…

Wham!

"Son of a Bitch!"

The Priestess flinched momentarily, not at the sight or sound of Sakura hammering her friend's hands, but at the flicker of distortion that their hands had made when they both moved. It almost appeared as if Ino's hands had momentarily been forced to move slower and sucked into the path of Sakura's hands, but that wasn't it exactly either.

"You're too focused on sensing and reacting to what Sakura's doing Ino." Naruto yawned as he sat on a nearby tree. His left arm was completely encased in a cast and sling. "You're doing it wrong. Think of it as imposing your will onto the desired results of the action taking place instead of onto others like when you fought Moryo."

The blonde girl flinched and glared at him. "I don't know if I should be surprised or pissed that you figured that out already."

"You think you're the only one that does it?" Naruto rose an eyebrow skeptically. "I met this one chick that could do all that while moving at speeds Lee would respect, with a sword that Zabuza would have approved of."

"If it's so easy, why don't you show me how it's done then?" The Yamanaka irritably challenged the boy with two injured arms.

An instant later, Naruto had shunshined right next to her and smacked her upside of her head lazily with his good hand.

"Log damn it!" She had sensed and attempted to move out of the way of his gesture, but she had literally felt herself incapable of being able to get herself out of the path of it.

"Now now. Don't tweak her too much Naruto." Kakashi cheerfully advised as he played slaps with Tenten a short distance away. "These things are easier to get a hang of with a cool head you know."

"I shall consider it." The Jinchuuriki turned his nose up into the air like a snobbish noble.

"Hey Naruto, before one of us goes on a rampage and tries to murder you, do you mind answering one thing?" Sakura interjected before Ino had an opportunity to get some of her senbon out. "We talked to Zabuza and Haku after your fight with them, but they didn't mention you using anything like this. Why is that?"

"Eh. I'm not that good using assurance in battle yet. Best I can do on the fly is resist the effects of other users. Like I pointed out, it takes some focus to use right and I've spent more time with power and defense." He shrugged. "Sasuke, Hinata, Ino, and Kakashi should get the hang of it better than me eventually, and it's something that everyone's going to have to get used to sooner or later."

"Surprised you didn't get it down in the first place. After all you've been through, we'd thought you'd have gotten down all the basics already." Sasuke commented from the side, keeping an eye out for any trouble.

"Yeah well, I spent less time doing training than you'd actually think." Naruto shook his head. "More just, fighting a lot and getting exposed to horrible things nearly every step of the way. And a butt load of culture shock."

"You didn't catch anything contagious I hope." Kakashi joked.

"Nothing permanent."

His absent minded comment was half expected.

"Took forever to pass those flesh eating worms though."

That one wasn't.

"Yeah well, at least you haven't claimed to have mastered all five elements or something obnoxious like that." Ino grunted as she rubbed her sore hands before putting them into position again.

"I have… kinda."

"That's it! I'm taking a vow of silence until we get back!" The Yamanaka raised her hands above her head just as Sakura was about to train again. "I can't trust my mouth around you anymore!"

"You seriously mastered the five elements?" Sakura looked at Naruto skeptically.

"I said kinda." The jinchuriki pouted before spitting small amounts of fire, water and lightning out of his mouth in rapid succession. "I didn't have much time to refine any of them since I was travelling a lot. I only managed to get the first step with them just to see what they were like. Trees are pretty much everywhere to practice on and, well, shadow clones. Took me forever to generate lightning without shocking myself though. It's just not my element. Either way I'm still not going to be using any of them in fights for a long time. Wind and earth are still my ramen and broth."

"Not that surprising really." Kakashi mused. "Your wind element is absurdly strong, so it's no surprise you're having trouble with lightning, its natural opponent. I suppose this means that the next element you'll be focusing on in the future is fire?"

"Nnngh." His displeasure wasn't unwarranted. After all, the position of the "fire guy" was Sasuke's already, and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to learn enough in the element to match his friend anytime soon if ever. It was a good combo with his clones and wind element, but he couldn't help but not like it. It was as if he was trespassing on a friend's sacred territory.

It went against the unspoken bro code of super powered ass kickers: thou shall not willingly expand thou's skills in thou bro's prime specialty if thou are already a badass.

He could always try using the water element instead, but the idea felt wrong to him for some reason. As if he knew he wouldn't benefit much in the long run. He had met a girl for whom it had worked fine, but she was a defensive fighter. Not his style at all.

As for lightning… he had really lost count of how many times his clones had shocked themselves into disrupting, or he himself had shocked his mouth so bad he had been unable to talk right for long periods of time.

"Naruto? Learning how to conjure fire? Yeah. No. That's a catastrophe waiting to happen." Sakura disliked the idea as well, but for clearly different - and reasonable -reasons.

"He has a gigantic demon fox in him that he's somehow managed to befriend despite being blatantly insane. Starting forest fires is a bit low on the list in comparison." Sasuke pointed out without shame while looking back at his friend and briefly making eye contact.

It was universal man code for "I'll help out if you really need it, I suppose."

"Yeah yeah. Person of mass destruction. You don't need to remind me." The blonde sighed and waved his hand lazily. A response that translated roughly to "Sure. I'll keep that in mind, but don't bother waiting."

"Volcanooooo." Ino hissed.

"You broke your vow," Sakura taunted.

"I was trying to sleep! Like, the entire time I was there! Not my fault!" He snapped before turning back to Kakashi. "Chaos aside, everyone has gotten stronger since I left. But what about you? I mean, you have a few more tricks up your sleeve, but I'd be disappointed if that was all there was to it. Don't tell me you're still fine with that piss poor reserve of chakra from three years ago."

"I don't want to hear that coming from someone that dwarfs Kisame Hoshikage in that category." The cyclops momentarily glared at his student before focusing on his training with Tenten again. "I've taken a few steps to address that issue and a few other notable ones. You don't have to worry about me being a damsel in distress anytime soon. I doubt Hinata would tolerate any more competition anyways."

Everyone in earshot shivered at the last comment for obvious reasons.

"Mmm. It would be nice to see you make S class finally. After all the hype people give you it would be nice to see your skills finally match it." A flicker of amusement made its way onto his face just as one of annoyance made its way onto Kakashi's. "I mean, some even considered you as a Hokage candidate even though you're only on the high end of the A class rankings, funny right?"

"And I got S class when I was 13." Was left unspoken.

"Thanks for reminding me of that, Naruto." Kakashi kindly turned again with a genuine eye smile. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Did he seriously just call out Kakashi?" Ino hush whispered to Sakura in half alarm and half excitement.

"Boys. They just can't stop with their dick measuring contests, can they?" The medic couldn't help but groan and put her head in her hands in embarrassment.

"Kakashi. Focus." Tenten spoke up with a terse tone that tore through the good mood instantly.

"Ah. My apologies." He smiled weakly and got back to playing the enhanced children's game with her.

o. o. o.

Flashback.

"Naruto. I can understand Akatsuki learning about Presence is worrying, but why did you react so badly to Lee claiming Hidan's head in front of Crypt?"

The three were making their way back to the camp after their meeting with Ghost. Dozens of questions raced through both Kakashi's and Tenten's minds, but neither of them knew where to start.

The blonde didn't say anything for some time as he walked through the forest ahead of the others. "… Crypt's powers work differently in certain circumstances," he finally said, "Even though he's insane now, he used to… well, long story short, he made it so that things would happen around him if certain triggers were activated. The DCD is one of them believe it or not. I've only heard bits and pieces of what some of the others were, but there's one in particular that's managed to stick around to the point that he's famous for it. They call it the Vow."

"And I take it Lee's claim on Hidan's head triggered it." Kakashi grimaced.

"What does it do?" Tenten probed, not liking where it was going.

"It's essentially a two way curse." Naruto admitted. "If you make a genuine claim in front of Crypt, the claimed in question is essentially impossible to be put down by anyone save for natural causes and by the hand of the one who claimed his head in the first place. It's an assurance that the hunt will continue even when both parties are away from one another.

"Likewise, the one who made the declaration, and those tied into the hunt, are constantly made aware of the general area of where the target is. The problem is that they have to frequently either hunt for the target or engage in activities that would increase their odds of either taking them down or finding them in the first place in some way. It's like an itch in the back of the bearer's head that gets worse and more maddening as time goes on to the point that nearly everything they do is done with the thought of putting down their target. They're not allowed to forget so long as the task goes unfinished, and the hunted must go on knowing that there is some progressively maddening individual after their head and won't stop until one of them is killed."

"Well… fuck." Tenten swore, summarizing the situation quite adequately.

"So when you were asking about what Lee meant by his team…" Kakashi slowly started.

"I meant if he included Tenten in the Vow, and she wasn't there the next time Akatsuki went for Fuu, the curse would prevent them from being able to kill Hidan, even if he showed up in the middle of Takigakure right now." Naruto nodded. "Reality will actively fight on Hidan's side. A convenient building collapse. Support from an ally that happened to be nearby. A failing exploding tag. Murphy's law at its finest. Curses of this nature are ambiguous and unpredictable as hell. There's no limit to what they are capable of achieving. The more anyone on the outside of the deal tries to interfere directly, the more things would backfire. Frequently and lethally. Granted, this affects Hidan's side as well to a smaller degree, but it still stands that as of now, a team of Lee, Neji, Kin, and possibly Tenten, and ONLY them, are the only ones that can kill him. Even if I went all out without restrictions, the best I can manage to do would probably be a stalemate before I mysteriously lose control over my chakra and blow up or something stupid happens."

"Is there anything we can do to help though? Can we cancel it any other way?" Kakashi frowned. The description had a few loopholes for either side. What if Hidan was with Kakuzu? What if Lee's team had someone else to help set them up for the fight? Or what if Lee recruited other people inside his team?

"I have no doubt that there are some ways to break it, but I'd bet they're extreme to the point that fighting Hidan is probably the safest option available. Crypt's curses are thorough and solid as hell and I have no reason to doubt the sources." Naruto sighed as he stopped by a tree. "We could probably help set up a trap and keep help away from the guy, but the final showdown has to be between them and only them. There's no other way around it."

"Given that Waltz and Shadow are still in the village, Tsunade-sama probably knows all of this already." The scarecrow pondered what their next step would be. "Lee's team would not abandon Fuu regardless, so the best course of action would be to send a backup team to Taki under the precedence that things are more dangerous than expected with Tenten in it… but she's still obligated for the current mission and we have no plausible excuse to rush her back to Konoha while she's already on her current one."

Tenten cursed under her breath and hit the tree she was leaning on. She hated feeling helpless like this. She trained hard to be a powerful and strong Kunoichi, and yet she was stuck unable to do anything right now. "Damn it. Naruto. You're the king of finding the best ways out of absurd shit like this. What should I do? … Naruto?"

The two paused for a moment to see the blonde breathing deeply and leaning heavily against the tree. His right arm was grasping at his left shoulder, at the very top of the tremendous swelling that had engulfed his entire limb. His arms didn't even look remotely the same anymore with one resembling more of a giant purple sausage than an arm now.

"Naruto." Kakashi's word was like a whip, managing to snap the boy out of his delirium. "Do you need help?"

"Help?" He echoed the man's word almost as if he was drunk before its meaning finally sunk in. It was only then that they noticed that his face was drenched in sweat. "Ah? That. Sorry. No. I can make it to camp. A night of rest will put me past the worst of it. We aren't too far…"

They were still well over two kilometers away.

"Shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me back there. Couldn't help myself. Asshole had it coming for a while." He mumbled before slowly levitating off of the ground and floating to camp.

Kakashi and Tenten had their misgivings about him flying all the way back in his current condition, but considering the fact that he had unconsciously did just that over molten lava not too long ago, they were willing to risk it for the moment.

Briefly looking at one another, they sighed in resignation. Asking anymore out of him for the night wasn't worth making things worse.

As much as they wanted to know more of what the hell was going on, they'd just have to wait.

As angry as they were with the situation, much to their shame, he was clearly more so…

… and much to his shame, it wasn't for the same reasons.

o. o. o.

While Tenten didn't have any subtle urges in the back of her mind to murder the fuck out of Hidan, she remained in the throes of grief. Meaning that in addition to still trying to get over Gai's death, she was viciously employing ideas on how to murder the fuck out of Hidan in the front of her mind.

More than anything though, she was worried about how Lee and her team were coping with everything. She highly doubted that Crypt would be generous enough to inform them of his curse, but she wouldn't put it past her teammates to start training like crazy in order to fight him off, so they shouldn't be in too much danger just yet. Hopefully, Sandaime-sama should be able to keep them in line before she meet up with them.

It's not like she could rush back home anyways. If she did, she'd have to explain how she knew that Gai was dead. She needed to join Lee's team to have a believable explanation... and then she would have to beg for forgiveness for insubordination for bailing on her mission. By the time it was all set and done, she'd probably be better getting to Lee's group than she would if she just stuck with her current team.

"You can't hit me. You can't hit me." Naruto chanted childishly, swaying left and right with ease while Ino tried to deck him viciously. "Nope. Still can't hit me."

"Stay still damn you!" The Yamanaka roared out in frustration. With her sensory skills and training, she should have been able to nail him in every major nerve cluster by this point, but the annoying cripple was using his Presence to force himself just barely out of her way every single time.

"It's peculiar, isn't it?" Kakashi snapped Tenten out of her thoughts. "How he can act like this even when he's probably more disturbed than all of us."

"Frustrating is more accurate." She admitted with a sulk.

Crack!

"Mother fucker! Wrong arm you dumbass!"

"Sweet! I got it!"

"No! Not sweet! This is clearly the opposite of sweet! Much like the direction my arm is bending in!"

"Naruto! What happened!?"

"Oh fuck! I got it!"

"Suffer for your transgressions!"

"Run! Hinata's coming! Quick! Use Naruto as a shield!"

"Watch the arm heathen! Hinatahahahahaaaaa!"

"How did… who broke the unspoken vow and taught a member of the undeserving gender how to do the puppydog eyes jutsu!?"

Kakashi and Tenten watched in bemusement as chaos once more spawned in the immediate vicinity of Naruto Uzumaki. Both of them couldn't help but laugh a little at how quickly the somber mood seemed to fall apart around him.

They knew it was a long shot, but if Naruto could go with Tenten to see Lee, they were sure that their friend would be ok in the end.

"Haha." Shion couldn't help it. Despite just how tense things had been last night and today, her guards seemed to be having more fun than ever.

It was a ruse of course. A way to distract themselves from the harsh reality that they faced. She had seen enough people hide their fears and emotions behind their masks to see through it, but that in itself was the peculiar bit. They were in pain, yes, but they were also still having fun. They were genuinely enjoying themselves…

"Naruto? What is she doing?"

"Hinataaaa? What are you doing?"

"Don't worry Naruto. It will only hurt for a moment. Ino will take most of the damage."

"Wait. What?"

To one extent or another at least.

"Shion-sama. A word?" Her laughter was interrupted by Taruo coming to her side.

"Hahaha. Mm? Yes Taruho? What is it?" She turned to see her stern faced aid. She loved him like a brother even if she could never say so out loud due to their positions in society, but he took his job far too seriously at times. His family was indebted to hers, true, but sometimes it was better to have a friend than a servant nearby.

"I think this is a mistake Shion-sama."

"A mistake?" Her mirth slowly ebbed away as her attention turned to the speaker.

"It's too dangerous with these people." He leered at the shinobi warily. "Last night, when everyone was sleeping, I traveled to inspect the damage supposedly made by Uzumaki. I… words fail to paint such a picture. I doubt even Moryo would be capable of this. The mountain was felled with a single blow, and half the forest there was severed along a line. I don't see how anything could possibly perform such feat in the first place. Much less a human."

"And yet he has. And yet there are others." Shion pointed out gently. "I am not ignorant of my growing infamy, Taruho. I am well aware of how many have requested for my services, or my hand. And despite your best efforts, I am also familiar with several of the poorly veiled ultimatums that have been made as of late should I refuse."

Her aid had the humility to look ashamed. He had thought he had managed to hide it successfully, but truth be told, Shion's power had been in rather high demand since before she had even been of age. Ever since she had proven her unreal proficiency with her powers, there had been those outside and on the inside that desired her to unsettling degrees. While she did try to keep the scale and influence of her powers somewhat tame, there were a handful of times involving some internal disputes that had managed to get out and reach the ears of other nobles who would kill for such an advantage for themselves.

Thankfully her powers, her guard, and her vital role should Moryo appear had prevented things from getting out of hand, but ironically with Moryo gone, she has lost enough political clout that something had to be done soon regardless.

"I-I apologize for overstepping my bounds, Shion-sama. I just wanted to keep you happy. Still, that does not explain why you need help from them in particular… or at least, him. How do you even know him? I have served you your entire life and would remember someone like that making contact with you."

"Taruho. Don't tell me you're jealous." She coyly accused.

"Don't try to change the subject, Shion-sama. I know you better than that." He frowned. He was used to her teasing enough to know that she was trying to avoid answering.

"I'll take that as a yes." The seer's lips briefly flickered up before turning her attention to Naruto, who now was now lying on his back, fading in and out of consciousness, and bleeding from his mouth with Hinata and Sakura shouting and struggling to heal him. "… I won't go into details of how or when we met, but I do owe him more than you think. He may be immature, but he is reliable and possesses the power that we need. More importantly though, is that he is bound to do great things soon enough…"

"A vision?" He warily probed. Shion rarely went into detail when it came to the visions she preferred to keep to herself. The ones she rarely spoke of were usually the most dangerous of them all.

"An omen, or a premonition." She corrected. "An event that can mar the world more severely than Moryo's revival. So great that I don't need to see it firsthand to know of its approach. I feel so many futures cumulating to a handful of points, and Naruto is one of the largest."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Taruho pointed out. "With his behavior and reputation, he may be responsible for the predicted disaster."

"True, the future is unpredictable." She admitted. "But I have faith in him, and if he is the one that will help with this event, then is it not for the best that I offer my aid in any way I can?"

"But to go as far as offering your hand?" He watched as Hinata swooned over the blonde. "He is already in a relationship, and with a prominent noble at that. While you are considered royalty to most, bloodline users are revered just as highly among shinobi. From what I have heard, the Byakugan is among the most sought after even among that limited pool, and she is the clan's heiress at that. Don't tell me that you would accept the position of a concubine."

"I can see worse fates for myself." She brushed off his indignation. "A meaningless puppet wife. Doomed to a role she has already fulfilled and forever ignored for tradition. A tool used to relieve my bland husband's stresses after countless bland days at work. Guiding my country through hundreds of hands, too busy to enjoy life for myself or even interacting with a human being that live outside of politics and duty. All akin to a slow execution over the course of years Taruho. Or would you prefer that I be a target for execution? Hated and scorned for knowing too much?"

There was a bitter satisfaction in seeing him recoil from her words. She didn't want to scare him off that badly, but his frequent imitation of a mother hen did get quite frustrating at times.

"The number of women that actually possess power in our world are few and far in between. Even if I do utilize my abilities to try and reach those ranks, I doubt I would be happy wielding it or doing as much good as I should in the end. There would be too much opposition and I am not powerful enough in too many fields to do much good if I try to as I am. I can serve a greater purpose and claim a more satisfying life this way…"

"At the risk of your life." Her aide interjected. "Shinobi are dangerous, and Uzumaki, despite his behavior, is among the most infamous of them all. There is no safety if you trust your life to them."

"There is no safety if we don't trust them." She quickly responded. "As I said, the world is approaching a turning point, and unless rash actions are made I fear that the future for all will be bleak. That is enough Taruho. No final agreements have been made. If you must make your concerns known, please let me know when negotiations take place."

"But…"

"Taruho." Her voice and tone didn't change, but there was a subtle chill to it. One that he was familiar with and been on the wrong end of multiple times during their relationship. Frequently when he had pushed his luck when trying to be "too helpful". "Are you possibly doubting my abilities to keep myself safe?"

No. That had never been it. He knew far better than that.

Back when Shion was only thirteen, there had been an aid that he had worked under, Tatsumi. His teacher for most of his duties and studies. Everyone liked the aging man, and they had no reason to doubt or suspect him of any misdeeds in the slightest. He did his work. He was polite. And he had faithfully served and protected Shion's family for so long no one knew exactly how long he had been in the compound.

Tatsumi died two weeks before Taruho's fourteenth birthday, somehow consuming a meal containing a combination of poison and nuts that he was allergic to.

Shortly after that, it was discovered that Tatsumi had a side habit that no one else had picked up on: kidnapping, raping, executing, and defiling the young boys that had failed his courses and were kicked out of the program to tend to Shion and the other local nobles.

His death, and the discovery of his actions had been completely convenient and coincidental.

But it didn't escape his ears when notes and paperwork were discovered showing that Taruho was the next intended victim.

Shion had been the one that had told him this.

She had been nowhere near Tatsumi, his food, or the authorities that discovered the hidden hatch in his home, or the burial grounds where he had dumped his victims. Not a single person had been accused of the murder, not that many put an effort into finding out other to give their thanks. She had perfectly clean hands and an iron-clad alibi.

But to him, she had none the less proven that she was more than capable of cold blooded assassination with the same innocent smile on her face she always has.

Dangerous. She may be protected by countless guards and treated like an idol, but in reality, Shion could be as much a Shinigami as the shinobi of this world if she so chose.

He had suspicions that her hand had been played several other times over the years, but he had never had any proof. Spies. Corruption. Betrayals. He never truly desired proof, but the idea that Shion was taking things into her own hands sickened him, made him feel incompetent.

He just… he wanted that innocent smile from all those years ago to simply be that innocent smile again. He didn't want to have to worry about it possibly hiding another plan or corpse anymore.

"I'm not dismissing your abilities or capabilities, Shion-sama." He looked at the shinobi there.

A boy that could spawn an army of mutant super insects.

A girl that could produce infinite legendary weapons.

A boy with the power of a mountain.

A girl that could overwhelm a demon lord.

A boy that could destroy mountains and forests in a fit of anger after sensing something that happened too far away to determine.

"I'm simply concerned that the game you're going to play might be too much this time."

o. o. o.

"Explain. Now."

Pain was not happy. Correction, he was never happy, but now he was genuinely angry.

"I'm still trying to figure out what happened myself." Kakuzu grunted. "One minute I'm getting whittled down by the Sandaime and the Nanabi, the next I wake up to find I'm literally wrestling the damn beast itself and cut in half."

A little more than a day has passed and he had only just managed to stop bleeding with every move he made. He literally had to stitch himself a new lower torso and incorporate bits and pieces of his old one in trial and error to see what still worked and what didn't. The entire process had been exhausting and humiliating.

"I told you in the report. The new girl and I were preoccupied by the Oogakari once the fighting began. We never got close to see what happened, but the two clearly shared the same set of skills. I can say that whatever happened was Hidan's fault though. Everything went to hell once his chakra changed." Sasori didn't bother to move, though his eye did leer at a certain member of the meeting.

"I watched like usual." The white half of Zetsu added. "Hidan's technique almost made me black out from where I was, but I saw enough. He nearly killed the Konoha group by himself even though they had destroyed him beforehand. The old man used some nasty timespace seal at the end, but Hidan broke out and killed the jonin with them. Gai Mighto."

"Konoha's top taijutsu master." The black half interjected.

"A severe blow. It's almost as damaging to their forces as killing the Sandaime." Itachi spoke up, catching several by surprise. "The leaf won't take his passing well once they learn of it."

"Oh? He's that good, eh?" Kisame grinned in amusement. "Shame. Makes me wish I got to fight him for real."

"When Hidan did whatever it was that he did, the Oogakari suddenly became lucid and instantly focused on the new girl." Sasori noted. "They moved abnormally fast, completely ignoring me and causing a good amount of destruction in their wake. They moved far enough that I couldn't see what they were doing after the first few moments. Whatever she claimed she was, she was clearly holding back."

"No shit." The white half deadpanned. "I had trouble keeping up myself and I was watching from a distance. I didn't even want to go through the earth where she blasted it with some sort of weird radiation tool, or the part she torched. She packed some real heat on her."

"Pity we couldn't bring back her body or the trinkets she had."

"Eh?" Kisame rose an eyebrow. "Someone cock block you? That's pretty rare."

"Oogakari took the corpse with him." The white half nodded. "He did something messed up to the earth where he dumped it while he talked to the others. We couldn't move through it at all."

He didn't bother to note that the body had also been covered in seals, which they only learned of after Tobi attempted to teleport in and out of the area with it while they were distracted with Gai. The trap on her had nearly caused the man's Sharingan to go out of control, and his brief moment of pain had been enough to expose him to all of the other shinobi there.

Tobi had not taken his moment of weakness well.

"Insane he might be, but the Oogakari knew what was happening to Hidan, and didn't like it." Black Zetsu grunted. "He handled Hidan with ease before somehow erecting a massive seal and purging him of… something."

"Something?" Pain's eyes narrowed.

"The closest thing I could compare it to when Sasori explained it to me was a god. Not some powerful self-proclaimed messiah in human skin like you, but a force of nature that happens to have a brain that screws the rules of everything just by being there." Kakuzu grunted.

The room went quiet. While it was blatantly obvious that everyone in Akatsuki humored Pain's declaration of being God simply because he was the strongest one there, no one had ever called him out on it.

"Care to repeat that, Kakuzu?" The leader asked in a warning tone.

"I've been around longer than everyone else here Pain. While I'm not the strongest, I have seen a few things over the past century that don't make it to the public's ears, or even the underground's." The heart stealer didn't retreat at the unspoken threat. "Every once in a while in the ass end of nowhere you hear whispers of people managing to contact the ones above. Not giant monsters or wells of power like the Biju or random mythical creatures that are strong. Most of them are meaningless drabble and fantasies, but I have seen some cases that aren't firsthand. Whatever Hidan worships from the other side exists, and as much as I hate to admit it, the damn thing actually rewarded his worship with interest."

"Hoh? So his insane ramblings were right after all? Does that mean Hidan's not crazy anymore, or is he still crazy?" Kisame chuckled.

Sasori closed his eyes. "I recall the woman saying something about an "Acolyte" when Hidan went out of control. Sounds like a fitting term if we really are dealing with Gods, as stupid as it sounds."

"I'm serious. Messing with the other side is nothing but trouble. Going after the biju is one thing, but there's no profit in trying to take advantage of those monstrosities." Kakuzu frowned.

"I seem to remember sending you and others to attack temples and other holy sites before without repercussions." Pain noted.

Kakuzu snorted. "Most are meaningless buildings that are convenient ways to sap money from the locals for the lords and priests in the area. I could piss and shit over each and every one of them and be as cursed as a newborn. Even the temples with purpose are by themselves nothing more than useless walls and roofs. It's not the building that matters, but the call of its inhabitants."

"Damn. And here I thought you were an atheist." Kisame blinked in genuine surprise.

"I acknowledge the existence of the beyond and its inhabitants. I just don't give a shit about it so long as it doesn't get in the way of my life and finances. Much less ones that accepts idiots like Hidan." The man glowered.

"If these things are so dangerous, then why haven't we heard of them? Who would have specialized enough in the subject to make progress?" Sasori pondered.

"You have most likely. It's just that most just brush off the rumors as mindless prattle. The only significant group of people that ever managed to make any headway there were the Uzumaki with their seals, and even they were known to be particularly respectful and careful when sticking their feet in those waters. Of course, we all know what happened to them. Pity really. They tended to consistently pump out fairly high bounties." Kakuzu shook his head.

Pain didn't react to the man's comment in the slightest.

"… The Uzumaki… and the Oogakari." The black half of Zetsu corrected.

"Yeah. From their conversation, it looked like the crazies are pretty well known to the boys upstairs." The white half nodded. "The Oogakari easily purged Hidan of most of whatever it was controlling him and cut the thing in half with his scythe. I definitely don't want to get hit by that thing. Think they might be related? The survivors of the Uzumaki in general did just vanish for the most part after Uzushio got wiped out."

"It would explain why they are rumored to be unstable and why no one seems to know anything about them before they showed up." Kakuzu slowly began putting facts together. "I've yet to hear of a single person that managed to venture into the outer and return unchanged."

"So bottom line is they're dangerous." The white half summarized. "Nothing we didn't know already."

"Enough."

Pain's word silenced the room once more.

"It doesn't matter who has interacted with the other side, what business they have with it, or what clan they potentially may have been in the past. In this world, I am God. Therefore I am the absolute."

"Keehehehe. Oh. That is funny."

Pain's claim was in turn interrupted by the newest silhouette in the cave.

Hidan smiled widely, his eyes shimmering with a color that did not seem human. "Claiming to be above the great Mother herself and her guardians? That's rich. Then again, it's always the humans that aim for things that they don't understand."

"What are you babbling about this time?" Sasori sighed.

"You don't even know that she's here despite claiming to be a God yourself. How sad. How sad sad sad." Slowly the mad priest's head tilted to the side but eyes never turning away from Pain. "Even if I knew how to escape this plane now, it's too late. I can't run. Not that I would. Why would I run? The waiting is exciting! This curse is fun! Being hunted for a change! Hahahaha!"

"You know, I can't really tell the difference between before and after." Kisame scratched his head lazily. "Am I the only one?"

"What is this great mother? Another pointless god?" Pain inquired, more out of annoyance than curiosity.

"Pointless?! Her!? Ha! No! No no no! I won't fall for that! You can't trick me!" Hidan continued to giggle. "Trying to get me to speak about the Mother herself! That's just stupid! Of course I'm not stupid! You're all stupid for not knowing how stupid you really are! Oh!" Suddenly his head swiveled almost mechanically to the Uchiha in the room, eyes almost glowing with something that didn't seem to be even real in the first place. "But Itachi! You're only slightly stupid! But you're still stupid! Pffft! Hahahahaha! Everyone here is stupid! How hilarious!"

"We're going nowhere with this." Kakuzu shook his head. "Can someone kick him out of the meeting so we can get somewhere?"

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You all don't even know what you're actually doing in the first place! Hahaha-bzzzt!" The madman's image fizzled out in a burst of static, cutting off his rantings.

"So Itachi. Care to fill us in on what crazy was talking about when he said you not being stupid?" Kisame turned to his partner. "Don't think you've even talked to him since he joined."

"How would I know what goes through the head of the mad?" The Uchiha calmly denied. "I see no pattern in his madness."

"Heh. Fair enough. You two are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum after all." The swordsman grinned.

It was then that another image showed up to the meeting.

"Yo. Sorry I'm late. Negotiations aren't my thing. Nearly had to blow up those idiots to let me go." Deidara raised a mouthed hand in greeting. "What did I miss?"

"Hidan reaching a new level of insanity." Sasori quipped.

"And that's news how?" The bomber rose an eyebrow skeptically.

"Fresh meat's dead." Kisame added. "The Nanabi job failed big time."

"Damn. And here I thought that we'd stop being a sausage fest soon. Wait, weren't there two groups for that one. How the hell did you guys fuck that up?"

"You'll be informed later. We've wasted enough time on meaningless prattle. For your sake, I hope you have good news."

"Yeesh. Someone's crabby." Deidara leaned away from Pain's irritated glare. "Calm down all right? The rumors that Sasori-danna's spies heard are true. The dog girl and Orochimaru's student are locked up by the rebels, and from the looks of things, no one is happy with their arrangement. From what I've heard handling those two girls are a pain in the ass."

"You haven't seen them yet?" Sasori frowned.

"Haven't had the chance. Still been stuck yacking away with the wrinkled assholes in the base." The blonde shrugged. "Walked by their rooms though, and let me tell you, those girls are feisty. They have some nice killing intents. Very sexy. You can always tell how hot a kunoichi is by their k.i."

"Careful. Word is that they're taken…" Kisame paused for a moment before his grin widened savagely. "… By Ghost Oogakari."

Deidara blinked in confusion before looking around to see everyone else getting a glint in their eyes. "… And that's important how, exactly?"

"It would be a good way to gain information on them or bail him into a trap." Black Zetsu mused. "They have a reputation for charging first and asking questions later. We can use it to our advantage."

"Clearly you forgot what happened in Iron." Kakuzu snorted. "They're mad, but they are far from stupid."

"Before we get any further on the subject, I should note that there is a bit of a snag." Deidara pointed out hesitantly, shutting up everyone instantly.

"Being?" Pain's eyes narrowed.

"Someone almost beat us to the punch regarding the girls. Some silver tongued civilian pretty boy is working on behalf of someone that wants to make a public show of the girls. Something about abusing the market by starting the fourth shinobi war on a desired date. Fun stuff like that."

"And the reason why the rebels would even bother considering it when compared to our services is because?"

"Basically they're throwing enough money at these hobos to make Kakuzu cream himself ten times over as a down payment for the job." Deidara shrugged. "Even I had to double take at the numbers. They could easily hire us straight up for the job we're offering several times for that kinda cash."

Kisame whistled, impressed. "Wow. Now that is a lot of green. Any idea who these guys are?"

"Nope. They're good at covering their tracks too. The contact doesn't know who they are either, and killing him would make the down payment useless, which I don't think would endear me too much with the people we're trying to make business with. Otherwise I would have wasted the guy already. Dude keeps on giving me a look. It's creepy. Un."

"You tell him you're a dude?"

"You're hilarious. See how hard I'm laughing? Truly you have a tongue of tremendous wit." Deidara's tone was as dry as Sasori's artificial body.

Pain closed his eyes in thought. "… Stay put for now. After the failure getting the Nanabi, we need to be more careful with how we plan our movements. Mere brute force won't help us anymore. Try to gain any further information about the Oogakari from the girls, but more importantly on this other group that has appeared for them, and maintain negotiations. Stall them for however long we need. This could work to our advantage."

"You serious? I'm going to get cabin fever in record time in this shithole." Deidara moaned.

"… Is it a nice cabin?" Kisame asked curiously.

"Quit your whining. You're the only one of us that they'll listen to." Kakuzu snorted. "It's not our fault that your homeland's populace is famous for its xenophobia."

"No shit. Why do you think I bolted in the first place? Nothing ever changes in Iwa. They have no sense of creativity, let alone artistic value."

"You say that about everyone, fool." Sasori shook his head.

"They pissed me off so much I blew them up! Un!"

"You do that to everyone you don't like." Kisame pointed out.

"Let me have my moment!"

"Of stupidity?" Kakuzu rose an eyebrow.

"That's it! Everyone dies!"

"Oi Itachi. Can you calm him down? You're good at making sure he doesn't wreck everything." Kisame turned to his friend.

"I'm not cleaning up after your messes." The Uchiha shot him down instantly.

"Shut up. All of you." Black Zetsu cut through the budding chaos irritably. "We've been stuck with barely any progress since we got the Rokubi. Watching you all fail time and again is embarrassing, regardless of unseen circumstances."

"At least we've been productive." The white half smirked in confidence.

"Oh? So Zetsu has been doing something other than hiding and playing the vulture? Do tell." Kakuzu frowned.

"That is on a need to know basis." Pain butted in. "… Zetsu is right. We have had too many failures as of late, and as a result we are in subprime condition. Everyone is to lay low for now until further notice. Recover. Train. Prepare."

"Prepare? Oh. So we're going ahead with that already?" Kisame chuckled eagerly, as if Christmas had come early.

"Oh hell yes! Un!" Deidara cheered, just as excited.

"I had expected we would have more biju before we would go through with this, but yes. It appears we need to move ahead of schedule if we are to have any progress."

"There's no helping it. If we are to make any progress, we need to go ahead with that project." The black half nodded.

"What about the Nanabi?" Itachi spoke up. "We went through the trouble of leading her to Takigakure. Shouldn't we go after her first?"

"No. We've already been weakened as it is." Pain shook his head. "They'll be expecting us soon. Let Konoha focus its attention on a false target. We'll take this time to recover for a more lucrative operation. Sasori, how much longer till you are capable of direct combat again?"

"A week. Two at the most. Finding adequate parts to fix the Sandaime wasn't easy." The Puppetmaster replied.

"Kakuzu, your wounds?"

"No clue. Whatever Hidan's new power did is still lingering in my body. Days. Weeks. It could be a month before I'm back to normal."

"… Come back to Ame. I want to see this wound for myself."

To their credit, the rest of the members of Akatsuki only barely expressed their surprise at Pain's decision.

"… Fine. I have to move somewhat slower, but we aren't too far from Ame. I'll be there within the week… But I'm not staying with Hidan."

"He's your partner." The leader frowned.

"He's an immortal sacrificing obsessed nut that's even more insane than normal and I'm crippled. Do you want me to make it back at all or not?"

"Fine. Sasori, you travel with Hidan back here as well, ahead of Kakuzu. It would be better to get Hidan in line first anyways."

"I'll try to hide my excitement." The babysitter didn't bother to mask his disappointment.

"Hahaha! Sucks for you Sasori-danna!" Deidara laughed, loving the turn of events.

"That's all for today's meeting. I expect you won't fail these simpler tasks I've given you."

"Sitting on my hands and bored out of my mind? Yeah this is pretty rough." Kisame laughed as his image vanished.

Itachi shook his head and looked away, vanishing as well.

"At least you don't have to deal with Hidan." Sasori grunted.

"Now you will know my pain." Kakuzu left at the same time as the puppet man.

"Might as well make the most of it." Deidara groaned. "Wonder if these uncultured idiots would notice if a few of them went missing…"

"Well, at least the meetings are getting more interesting." The white half of Zetsu chuckled as the blonde left before turning toward Pain. "Not exactly good for us, but interesting."

"No news is good news. We've been getting too many bad." The black half grunted. "What do you think?"

Konan's and Tobi's image appeared where the others vanished.

"Hidan may be a problem. If he is more unstable, then we may not be able to control him anymore." Konan noted. "More so if he is as strong as you claim, Zetsu."

"He busted out of a nasty timespace barrier after getting his limbs and head crushed a few seconds earlier. I'd say he's pretty damn strong." The white half snorted.

"Was this new power the experiment you were hinting at?" Pain turned to Tobi. "If so, it's failed spectacularly."

"It would have failed regardless. Hiruzen Sarutobi and the Nanabi were stronger than expected, as was Gai's team." The Uchiha waved off the accusation. "The Oogakari was a factor I didn't expect either."

"They are becoming a threat. We will likely have to deal with them soon enough."

"Is that so?" Tobi tilted his head in curiosity much to the surprise of the others there. "Their goals are as enigmatic as ours to those that don't know. If they truly wanted to help, why not directly, and faster for that matter? The mad one, if Sasori is to be believed, handled two of us at once at any point in the fight with seemingly little effort, and he's rumored to be the weakest of the lot."

"You think that they are after something else then." Pain's eyes narrowed.

"It's likely. In the land of Iron, the one there only participated in the tournament itself. He never lifted a finger when we attacked the caravan. Even after Hidan and Kakuzu were defeated, he forced them to retreat and us to stay our hand for three years instead of finishing us off rather easily. Here, they only seemed interested in the foreigner and the possessed Hidan. Despite being so competent, they are being too roundabout in their methods. Too many wasted actions."

"You actually buy into the story that Hidan was possessed by his God?" Konan rose a skeptical eyebrow.

"He was certainly channeling something not human." The white half admitted. "The lightshow that mangled the wildlife in the area certainly was not his work alone. That chakra gave me the creeps. He looked like he was going to ream the Sandaime a new one before the Oogakari stepped in too. Funny thing, come to think of it. The old monkey was pretty convinced that what had taken Hidan over was a God too. Almost like he had dealt with them before."

"Contract. Great Mother. Gods. The Oogakari. Foreigners. … Presence." Tobi mused. "They're connected somehow. If anything, it would be better to consider them a third party in all of this rather than a part of Konoha."

He cursed himself for not pulling more information from the woman's head when he had the opportunity. He had been too interested in the woman's powers and her allies to delve more into the history that she knew or any notable individuals that she may have had information on.

The woman had recognized the Oogakari's Presence. The instant the madman had unleashed it to get rid of Hidan's hijacker, she had run away instantly and forwent any fighting. She had run, and she had died.

Useless. She couldn't even get killed properly.

He couldn't go after her allies as he didn't even know where they were anymore. They were either on their guard from the recent turn of events and hiding, or perhaps even dead…

Plus, if what he knew about them was true, then he wasn't sure if he'd be able to get his hands on any of them with their guards up. Not if what she knew about the old man, Dimitri, was accurate.

But he understood what an Acolyte was now. He knew that Hidan was no longer fully himself, and the powers the man had bathed in… keeping him in line would should soon become troublesome.

And now, he had confirmed the existence of Gods… and the nature of Presence.

"You all don't even know what you're actually doing in the first place!"

Yes, it was best to keep a closer eye on Hidan for the time being just to be safe. Itachi too.

He had to be careful. He didn't know if the Oogakari were restricted solely to outsiders, or Presence users, but it was clear that they had some form of limitation to their actions. He'd have to experiment more to exploit them, or at least plan around them.

Carmen and the God. The madman had gone after them, but ignored the people from Konoha even though the latter were also using Presence. It wasn't a coincidence. Was it because the Konoha shinobi knew something he didn't? Because they were taught by the Oogakari? Or maybe because the former two were also foreign bodies that shouldn't have been there in the first place?

If the last was the reason, then there shouldn't be a risk of planting the information into the others as well. None of them were devoted to any higher power… except Pain to himself, the idiot.

Zetsu was right in that regard. They had been on a losing streak lately. Their numbers had not dropped yet, fortunately, but it was noticeable to the point that they were resorting to a plan intended to assure them the last of the biju they needed with greater ease just to get a bigger push. The fact that Pain actually decided to go through with it despite the risks it posed doing it so early betrayed his frustration.

They had to act quickly. Konoha and Suna were no doubt preparing due to their latest attacks. Kiri would too due to their friendlier relationship with the leaf. Then Kumo and Iwa would follow. And if the five great nations moved now before his preparations were set or they gained momentum…

… Oh well. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.

"You have something in mind." Pain turned to Tobi, reading the barest of body language.

"A thought or two. Leftovers from our dearly departed comrade."

Only white Zetsu snorted at his words. No one took them to heart.

o. o. o.

He yawned as he walked through the streets of the nameless civilian town with his hands in his pockets.

Despite being immortal, Ghost hated long nights. As much as his chronic nightmares bugged him, staying up too long was just as bad since they brought up other memories that he'd rather forget about.

Not for the first time he lamented being a psychologist's wet dream. If it wasn't his history with the women in his life, or the dozen other vices he has to keep himself mildly rational, it was his history of being immortal. And if it wasn't those, it was the fact that his personality itself wasn't even his to begin with…

He paused for a moment before shaking his head. No. Better not go down that road again. Nothing ever good happens if he dwells on what dear wife number one did under the guise of "rehabilitating him for society".

Not a single member of his family forgave her for that, even if she's been dead for over two millennia.

"This is gonna suck." He groaned. Scab was planning something. Some asshole god managed to squeak through a loophole in their barrier. Now he was glossing over his first wife. Bad omens left and right within the span of twelve hours.

He stepped into the front door of the whorehouse and was met with a muscular young man in his late twenties wearing no shirt, a bowtie, and assless chaps.

"Called it."

"Well hello to you too." The greeter smiled professionally with a hint of desire.

"Papa's expecting me." Ghost didn't waste any time as he walked past the man without any consideration. "That idiot's doing something monumentally stupid again. I can feel it."

"I… what? Papa's… you know him?" The well-practiced smile on the man's face faltered instantly. "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told and…"

Ghost groaned louder. Scab should have known he was coming by now, but if he didn't leave anyone at the door, it only meant that he was either busy doing something else or he was setting something up.

"Wonderful, he's avoiding me."

"S-Sir! I'm going to have to ask you to-"

The immortal paid the man no mind as he waltzed right through the building towards where he felt his brother's signature. The genius may be many things, but he had still yet to come up with a way to hide himself from any competent sensor. His raw power consisted of the potentials of all universes and their branches, so mathematically speaking it could be almost quantified as infinite to the infinite to the infinite, but even that wasn't exactly accurate.

"Scab?" He opened a door, only to see a massive gay orgy.

"What the hell?!" Pretty much everyone in the room shouted or attempted to shout.

"Nope." Ghost closed the door with a completely straight face and went to the next one. "Scab?"

This time it was a lesbian bondage couple. Neither one of them were attractive, or in shape for that matter. Pity.

"Nope." Ghost closed the door again and went for the next one.

He knew that the doors weren't going to lead to his brother, but if the bastard was going to hide from him, Ghost was going to make him suffer for it.

"Security!" The young man shouted from behind him. He had been attempting to get a hold of Ghost since he barged in, but the blind man effortlessly avoided and wove around him without even thinking about it.

"Oi! Sparky McBoomBoom! Get your hairless ass out here!" Door number three was to an attractive woman being stuffed in all three holes by three different men. Judging from the sounds she was making, she wasn't faking it. He completely ignored the looks he got from the people inside and outside the room. "... You, have potential. We'll talk later. Carry on."

"Sir! If you don't stop we will have to resort to force!" The man spoke with a harsher tone, trying to ignore the people that were starting to notice that something was amiss.

"Room service!" The next door was of a man and a woman having passionate, yet fairly standard sex. No toys. No drugs. No questionable fluids smeared on the walls. Judging from how they were going at it, they were actually a couple. "Aww. Normal sex. How adorable."

Casually walking through the hallways without breaking stride, the man used a tiny amount of his power over air to easily disrupt the security's actions, causing them to lose balance, have blurry vision, or mess up their jutsu seals at the wrong moments. It didn't take any effort to do and it drove everyone nuts.

"Random door, I choose you!"

"Eeek!"

"First time eh? Sorry for interrupting. Oh, beginner's tip. Warm her up first. Ladies last way longer than dudes in the bed, even if you are in good shape."

"Why can't we stop him?"

"He's using some sort of jutsu!"

"Mystery box! Ho!"

"Eh?"

"Son of a! Damn it Scab! We told you no more two girls one cup specials!"

"Dear lord! What are those two women doing with… bluuurgh!"

"The smell! The smell!"

"Not what I intended when I wanted to mess with the income, but it'll do I guess."

"Evacuate the customers! We have to stop him!"

"Oi oi. Don't get carried away and ruin everyone's good time. That's my job. Now as for THIS door…"

"Bark! Bark bark!"

"One of the few things I'm not going to do with Hana and Anko during kinky sex time."

"No one can stop our love!"

"That's a lie and you know it. Next!"

"Baaaa!"

"… I'm not sure what's surprised me more. The fact that I actually wasn't expecting this one, or the fact that I'm having trouble remembering when the last time I've actually seen a sheep."

"Don't judge me! Their soft and fluffy pelts will cure the world of its anger someday! All shall bow before the sheeple!"

"I'll keep that in mind. You have piqued my interest for future projects. Next door!"

At that point, Scabbard must have finally decided to greet his brother, because the second Ghost grabbed the handle his body lit up with several thousand volts of electricity. A few seconds later his thoroughly burnt body collapsed onto the ground.

Then the door opened from the other side and Scabbard poked his head out. "Hello Ghost."

"Hey bro."

"I take it you wish to talk?"

"And possess a layer of skin that isn't completely burnt."

"You are a bit well done."

"You suck at cooking."

Ghost suddenly felt a weight on his back, which was somewhat surprising given he was fairly certain that his nerves were still shot from being electrocuted.

"I don't."

"Hey Syl."

"Hey Ghost. Still pretending you aren't a masochist?"

"Still pretending you have a shot in hell in getting Shadow's forgiveness?"

"It's not pretending if I believe it will happen eventually."

"And to think, people believe I'm insane."

"You are insane."

"Sarcasm Syl."

"Oh. Sorry… waiiit."

"Papa! We're sorry! We tried to stop him, but he was using some ninjutsu to…" The greeter of the building rushed up to Scabbard and apologized relentlessly.

"Stop. There's no need. This idiot here can be considered your worthless, deadbeat, mooching uncle." Scab brushed off the apologies, his bored tone never changing as he watched Ghost twitch on the floor while Sylvia sat on his back.

"Remember where they bury my body kid. If you get me out in time I'll make it up to you." Ghost whispered to the confused man.

"You mean, he's your-"

"My brother. Not by choice I assure you."

"Genetic lottery at its finest folks."

"You two certainly hurt one another enough to be loving siblings." Sylvia commented. "Dare I say, it's almost normal behavior?"

"Shut up Syl. Get off. You have no ass. Your pelvis is stabbing my kidneys. That shirt makes you look fat. Also, I have to pee."

Scabbard sighed and looked at the hallway full of people watching the events unfold. He expected something like this to happen, but that didn't mean he would enjoy dealing with it. "As much of an ass my brother is, this is partially my fault for not warning you ahead of time. Please give everyone disturbed refunds and extend their time for another hour at most. Send them all my deepest apologies."

"That's still kiddy pool depth. Don't be tricked. He has no soul." Ghost grunted from the floor.

"Don't make me whore you out to the rich, ugly, and stupid again."

"Please ignore these two." Sylvia shook her head as the two brothers bickered. "It's how they bond."

"Through misery and one sided contracts."

"Please stop acting as if this is something new for you."

"Never."

Scabbard crossed his arms, never looking away from the downed man. "If you're going to keep acting like a child…"

At the key word, Sylvia's presence spiked barely enough for her actions to be felt by those that knew of it. Her hand already swinging down with the needle, aimed straight for his neck. The point would…

Ghost moved to avoid the needle, his internal clock instantly storing away the damage from getting electrocu-

The electrons in his body resisted his influence. They were not his. They were Scab's, and would not move without-

It was his body. It was his domain. Minor extensions caused him to hesitate only for a fraction of a momen-

The floor was rigged, and a new wave of electricity flowed through his nerves, seizing-

Stopped and denied almost instantly. The current, power, and wavelength of the energy was pitiful compared to what was needed to keep him down, but there were locals nearby that couldn't be involved.

Air solidified around the arm with greater hardness than diamond-

-Graphite. It was torn through with ease as the needle would pierce-

-impact but not penetrate the flesh of the target. Power coursing through it that simple steel-

-Metals of unknown origin, sharpened and honed to a point that was not physically possible by mortal means. Heading straight for his neck uninterrupted-

The gas around the three developed points of focus, moving and creating hairline fractures against all-

Control was lost instantly. Directions and sensations crossed as his body's internal functions warped. The definition of what was and what should be skewed like light through a tinted glass-

But faded into the darkest black. Silence immeasurable. There was no contorting that which wasn't there. No point in feeding "something" to "nothing". Control was restored. Time unwound. Electrons moving at incomprehensible speeds slowed to a crawl. Muscles flexed, making his body…

Seals that denied the weaving of time triggered from far below. That which had unwound ensnared once again. Staggering…

A growl so deep it was inaudible caused the land to shake slightly. Muscles and rules that had not been used flexed under strain. Reality rippled and contorted.

His body slipped between the folds that didn't exist. Black heat that did not exist rose, an irritation that-

Was halted by infinite layers of infinite possibilities stemming from infinite worlds. One of the few antithesis to nothing in its entirety. Stalling it and its reach in place for just a moment for…

"Ngh." Ghost grunted in surprise as Sylvia's needle pierced his neck. He didn't expect his brother to go to such lengths to keep him down, and the moment of surprise had cost him.

Other than a subtle chill going down the spectator's spines, it had only appeared to the normal human that Sylvia had injected the newcomer with poison. They had been none the wiser of the metaphysical clash that had just taken place in front of their eyes.

"Whew. Almost didn't make it." Sylvia momentarily shivered. As powerful as she was, and as familiar with the Family as she was, being that close to Ghost's Presence, even tamed as it was, wasn't something she'd ever be comfortable with.

Not for the first time, someone counted themselves lucky that for the fact that as powerful as Ghost was and claimed to be, his physical body was surprisingly easy to put under. Killing him for good was impossible, but keeping him unconscious was another story entirely.

"Damn it… Scab." Ghost glared at his brother even as his consciousness began to fade. His natural, mortal, immune system and tolerance to pain were top notch as far as humans were concerned, but that didn't mean he was completely impervious to things he had never been exposed to before. Especially concoctions that his genius brother has made. "How badly… did you fuck up… this time?"

The Legacy's Prophet's eyes glimmered with something uncertain for but a moment as he watched his brother fall unconscious. "For our sake, not as much as I think."

o. o. o.

"As much as I enjoy having you submit to my whims, we really must address this problem of yours where you wind up injuring yourself more than your opponents."

Naruto allowed himself to smirk dryly as Hinata addressed his left arm, her hands glowing green with medicinal chakra and the veins around her eyes bulging. "Yeah, well, if you get used to enough pain and happen to have an absurd healing factor, it turns out that you get a habit of developing and learning self-destructive techniques more often than you'd think."

"I'd rather you not get such a sloppy habit to begin with." He was better than this. He was stronger than this. There was no reason for him to go so far in the first place and it didn't put him in a good light. That much was easily understood between not only them, but their friends as well.

"Mmm." He allowed himself to close his eyes and relax on the ground. They were inside a small tent that barely fit two people, but suited their - as in, Hinata's - needs just fine. Getting out would have taken too much time if they were under attack, but with so many allies nearby they could spare some security for the minor luxury.

Normally he had been in his fox state when they slept, not that either of them minded, but after recent events neither of them felt in the mood to play around with one another like before.

"Are the drugs strong enough? The Gentle Fist shouldn't last long with your massive reserves. You must have been feeling some pain for a while now." She inquired as she worked down his arm.

His bones and muscles had recovered from being mere powder and chopped meat, to being shards and torn fiber. His nerves and chakra pathways on the other hand were almost all completely restored, but given the state of his arm, that also meant that he could possibly feel everything as well. Had he been anyone else, she would have already declared the limb a lost cause and been preparing to amputate it by now.

Really, even if she and Sakura didn't do anything, this arm would probably recover fully in three weeks, and that was without the Kyubi's chakra helping him out. His body was as absurd as his mind.

"They're good. I can probably manage to fall asleep like this." He smiled faintly.

"I hope not. As long as you've been back, you haven't said much have you? I want to catch up a little bit before you go under again." She matched his weak smile. This tired tone. This awareness. This was the person she fell in love with.

"What happened to the Hippocratic oath?" He pouted.

"It's an unspoken agreement that you and the Oogakari are exceptions when you do stupid things."

"Damn it." He grumbled with a deep sigh, mulling over everything. "… You've gotten strong."

"No more than I've had to, but still a far cry from what you've become." Hinata shook her head. "You said it yourself earlier. During the fight with Moryo, all you tried to do was get some sleep. You didn't even seem to pay him any real attention even when Chouji, Tenten, and I were having so much trouble."

"Moryo. That was his name. Right." Naruto absently mulled over the monster that he barely noted inside the volcano. In hindsight, he supposed it really was something peculiar, that Moryo, a demonic aberration, didn't really stick out or seem all that special to him. A genuine threat and risk to the natural order on the whole… and he had almost slept through its rampage without a care in the world.

He didn't know whether to be disgusted with himself for how little he cared about the whole event, or disappointed that something as weak as Moryo constituted as a global threat in his home.

"You've become something else, haven't you?" Hinata stopped healing him to observe his reaction. "What you've seen. What you've experienced. You've changed, Naruto."

"… Yeah." Was that guilt in his voice, or shame? Should he feel either in the first place? He had to change. He had lost everything the first time around and needed to improve in order to win this second round.

He was stronger now. Faster. Smarter. Wiser. Sharper. Calmer. Hap-

Was he happy? Like this? Could he stay happy if he was? Where his mind was contorted and he had even more trouble relating to his peers and friends than he did before?

Was he even happy before? When he was an idiot? When he didn't know better? When he actually had blind hope for the future? That things would turn out well? When he didn't know about the problems in and outside of his world?

Or was that just a lie? An illusion? An image that he had conjured by an idiot's mind that couldn't be bothered to understand the details of what was going on, similar to the one of stability he had now?

It had been so long since he had a moment to himself, in a place that didn't confuse him to no end.

This world was his. No that wasn't right, it was his. On paper it might be Family territory to outsiders, but this world was his domain. The base instincts that bled into his being from being with Kurama for so long was a peculiar mix of animal and primal instinct. With the fox learning how to use Presence and growing aware of his nature, this slow fusion only magnified exponentially.

He wouldn't go nuts like Nagato and claim he was its god. It was more like an animalistic claim of territory than anything. He was the alpha. This was his land. If someone started shit here, they would have to deal with him.

He wasn't happy with this realization. He wasn't angry about it either. It was simply a fact.

He had come to realize it soon after returning. The Kyubi's connection with the world seemed to only magnify just how powerful both of them could be, how important they were to the system itself. Nature seemed to thrive in his presence and supported it, more than in any other world he seen in before. The air seemed to follow his will effortlessly. Power flowed around him as if welcoming him home.

If he had access to his power… If he could use Sage mode or Kurama's chakra alone…

… He knew he could kill Akatsuki off all at once. Easily.

Too easily. He had fought foes so much worse.

So much so that his stomach turned at the realization that Ghost had probably seen the same thing long before him...

… That if Akatsuki was dealt with in such a cut and dry fashion, then nothing would change. The world wouldn't change. He wouldn't change.

It was a peculiar feeling… but again, it was merely something that just was. It didn't help him figure out what he wanted to do for himself.

He knew what he wanted in the end. The fighting to stop. His friends to be safe. For Akatsuki to disband…

… No. That's not what he wanted in the end. Those were just things that would get in the way of… of what?

Him being happy? Him having a family? Him being at peace?

All of these sounded nice, things that he would certainly not mind having eventually. But, they didn't pull any major strings in his heart. Now that he wasn't grasping at straws just to get by, where even a kind word would have sent his being aflutter, he felt remarkably empty. Impervious even.

"You don't know anymore, do you?"

He flinched and opened his eyes to see her looking down at him in pity. He didn't notice the clear look of painful confusion on his face, or the tears that were starting to well up.

She slowly moved one hand to gently caress his cheek, moving to his blonde hair and feeling it between her fingers. The look he gave her was one that hurt her heart more than any weapon could. The age, the agony, the bewilderment. Naruto really didn't know what to think or do with himself. As proud as he was. As powerful as he was. As much as everyone seemed to go to him for guidance at times…

… It didn't change the fact that in the end, he was adrift. More isolated and bewildered than anyone else.

"No." He managed to croak out. "I don't think I ever did."

A bitter smile flickered on Hinata's face as she continued to caress his head. "Shunned and abandoned as a child. A jinchuriki. Student of the Oogakari. Orphaned from the beginning. I doubt that anyone would, had they survived. But, I know something, if that helps."

Two tired blue eyes looked up to her. Unfocused. Weary. But trusting all the same.

"I love you Naruto." She smiled genuinely before gently kissing him on the lips. "If anything else, don't forget that. No matter how much absurd trouble you find yourself in. No matter how strong you get. My heart is yours. Even if I'm no longer pure, I can only consider my first time with you."

"Pure?" His eyes cleared for a moment before realization dawned on him. "… Oh. Jonin."

It was one of the highest ranks a shinobi could have, and thus came with all the benefits and risks of one. High pay. Great benefits and equipment. Authority that few could surpass… and the risk of being captured and interrogated for information.

The training and tests to become a Jonin or Special Jonin were vigorous and downright torturous at times. Conditioning to withstand and resist torture of all types was mandatory, regardless of the promoted's social standing, specialty, and wealth.

That included sexual torture.

Being able to escape the confines of the training grounds earned bonus points, no mistake, but the training itself was absolute. No exceptions.

There were several reasons why so few individuals tended to make it to Jonin before their mid to late twenties, and confusion brought by premature overexposure to sexual activities was one of them. Most teens couldn't handle the exposure during puberty and failed their tests. Depending on how poorly they did, they could even get banned from taking it again for years at a time. Kids that were younger tended to be scarred for life, which is why anyone that showed potential and could be taken out of the public eye were frequently filtered to an ANBU training system run by Danzo.

Oddly enough, this public version of the junior ANBU training system worked out fairly well, which probably explained why the old war hawk still had some influence over the military.

Naruto never assumed that he was the only one that had to go through hardships over the past few years. He had met far too many people and knew his friends too well to ever think that. Pain. Sacrifice. Exhaustion…

… But Hinata. One look in her eyes was all he needed to know that all she did, was for him and no one else.

He was both touched and disgusted with himself.

"Jonin." She nodded, not wanting to get into any further details in her "conditioning" than that. "Though you're probably in the same boat as me."

"More or less." His lips twitched in dry amusement. "Probably a bit less formal and professional than what you went through though. If it makes you feel any better, odds are high that I screamed more than you did."

He wasn't joking about the screaming bit. That tail would be in his nightmares for the rest of his existence.

Hinata laughed hesitantly. She knew that he was probably trying to lighten the mood, but also knew that there was a less than amusing meaning that he was twisting to serve his purposes.

"Was she any good?" She probed. "Was she beautiful?"

Good? Beautiful? Yeah, you could call the Succubus Queen that, just like you could say that he was only slightly abnormal, or that Sasuke used to be only somewhat selfish and retarded when he went to Orochimaru for power.

If he wasn't certain that Hinata had trained during her private time to live out her fantasies with him to the fullest, he would almost risk thinking that he had "Flowers for Algernon-ed" his penis. Truly a sobering thought.

How could he explain that when he agreed to be trained by a sex demon whose day clothes left her less covered than most strippers, he had been expecting not to be trained in sex?

Sure she was so in tune with the wind around her that he had trouble telling she was even there without even trying.

Sure, her perfect legs, ass, and the way she walked betrayed the fact that she was a martial arts master that could crush his skull between her supple thighs with ease.

Sure, the last three dozen women that he had met that dressed as if body armor and public modesty were completely optional possessed the means to murder the fuck out of him in seconds if he wasn't careful.

He had a suspicious feeling that it would not end well if the whole story ever got out.

Silently he made a mental note to blackmail the shit out of Ghost to keep quiet about the subject the next chance he got.

His lips twitched even more. He knew she was probing, concerned, scared even. Thankfully, he had managed to come up with an answer that would put her worries to rest.

"Did you really think I'd spend three years around a psychotic pervert and not learn a few tricks that you haven't fantasized yet?" An invisible carpet of air surrounded her, and instantly began to massage and grope virtually every sensitive part on her body. Inside and outside her clothes.

"Eep!" The girl instantly froze in spot, her face lighting up an embarrassed and aroused red.

"I learned from the best, Hinata." His smile widened and his eyes took on a mischievous glint. Slowly he leaned up, looking right into her eyes, and teasingly kissed her cheek at the last moment. "And when we do finally have enough time to ourselves, I assure you, you'd be thanking them relentlessly if you wouldn't be screaming my name."

She didn't even try to hide the shiver of excitement going through her body.

"That is of course, when I feel like letting you breathe."

There was the nosebleed.

"I suppose we can use your dreams as a warmup." The pressure on her body tightened in all the right places.

"N-Naruto! N-not here! Everyone is probably…"

"Seeing what I want them to see. Hearing what I want them to hear." He purred smoothly, allowing more air to hitch up between her legs with greater intensity and frequency. He had no doubt their friends were trying to spy on them for a myriad of reasons, but interfering with what was seen through the tent's fabric and what was heard was easy with his powers. "You wanted to be mine Hinata, and you are. Anytime and anywhere. I. Want. And. No. One. Would. Know."

Hinata finally overloaded and pass out right on top of him.

Welp, if he needed any indication that there was still some of the old Hinata still in her, there was his sign.

Sex training his ass. Either Konoha was skimping off on the prerequisites for passing that course, or he really was Hinata's greatest mental weakness to uncomfortable degrees.

Honestly he didn't know which one he liked less.

A small amused smile flickered on his face as he enjoyed the warmth of her body on his. He was still groggy from the numbing jyuken strikes and drugs she gave him to numb the pain in his arm, but it didn't prevent him from gently stroking her relaxed face as she subconsciously began to cling to his clothes.

This… this he missed. The warmth. The peace. The company. The simplicity. Things that he rarely had even as a child. Things he had yearned for without knowing their weight. Things that were taken for granted and lost far too frequently, more than anyone would like to admit.

Sadly, reality was an unforgiving thing that needed to be met head on regardless of what people felt.

A clone quietly phased into existence outside the camp, conjured by the chakra that saturated the air. Far enough that no one would see it, but close enough that it could get the attention of those that it wanted if needed with a few whispers in the wind.

It waited patiently in the small clearing for nearly fifteen minutes before the ones it called arrived.

"You know, if you didn't want us to peep on you two, you could have just asked." Kakashi whimsically greeted the clone as he and Sakura appeared on a nearby tree.

"It's a lie and you know it." The clone rolled his eyes. "Just because you're repressed sexually doesn't mean you should share the love with everyone else."

"Naruto using illusions. If there was a sign that the world was going to end, now we have it." Sakura shook her head in dry amusement.

"Funny, coming from the girl hiding a pool of chakra on her forehead." Naruto rolled his eyes. "Was that a trick you learned over the break from the hag?"

The medic frowned momentarily before allowing the illusion covering her Strength of a Hundred Seal on her forehead to vanish. "If you must know, I was already working on it last time, but it never finished then. It takes three years to complete and it took me a while to develop the skills needed to even start the process."

Truth be told, she would have started working on it right after she got her memories back, but she needed to allocate as much power as possible to dealing with the Chunin Exams. Once that mess had passed though, she had not wasted any time working on the ace she should have had ready at the end of the previous timeline.

"Sasuke must have been scared shitless the first time he saw it on you." The clone smirked, knowing full well that if he managed to see past the illusion, there was no way Sasuke could have missed it.

"It took some time for him to grow accustomed to." Kakashi admitted, relishing the period of time where the Uchiha had flinched every time Sakura had hinted at being upset with him.

"It's a nice touch though. Looks good." The clone honestly noted. While Sakura's forehead wasn't as massive as people made it out to be, the green diamond did give it a bit of a flair that wasn't there before.

"Humph. It's far too late for compliments to do anything for you. I will accept them just to be polite though." She crossed her arms and smirked briefly before dropping the latter. "So? What's the problem now?"

"I filled her in as much as I could from last night's conversation." Kakashi added. "I myself would like to know a bit more about what's going on, if that's what this is about."

The clone closed his eyes and rubbed his thumbs against his fingers as if making sure they were all right. It was an idea he and several others had played with for a while, but the risks outweighed the benefits on several levels. Timing, resources, security.

But, they needed a game changer and fast. Akatsuki learning how to use Presence was more dangerous than he had let on.

Although the method they used bothered them more.

He and Ghost hadn't mentioned it in their conversations, but they were both aware of the real problem. The data dumping that the asshole Uchiha would give his lackeys would at best enable them to use their Presence yes…

… But it would also likely give them knowledge on how to properly utilize it as well. Seeing as the bastard managed to pull the info from a fairly well known dimension jumper, it would be safe to assume he had knowledge on how to use all of the steps up to assurance, which he would share with his group.

So while their Presence itself wouldn't be that strong, their ability to use them could possibly match his friends, which was an incredibly sobering thought.

They couldn't use Itachi to bring Pain and Konan into the fold just yet. He was too valuable as their inside man, and breaking up Akatsuki's ranks when they still had so many resources available would cause more problems than solve in the long run. Forcing the one eyed Uchiha out into the open took priority if they wanted this whole mess to end at all. They would one chance, no more.

And there was another variable to take into account.

The copy's left arm was just as useless as the original's, but he didn't need it to lift up the sleeve on his right. Wielding the air as dexterously as his limbs, he pushed up his sleeves to reveal his arm to his friends, until…

"?!" Sakura's eyes widened in surprise. "How, but I thought…"

"I see. So that's what Ghost gave you last night." Kakashi's reaction was more subdued, but the sharp glint in his eye betrayed his unease.

They were both looking at the tattoo on the blonde's right arm. One that had consisted of a single chain link… up until last night.

"We're going to need more power than you think soon." The clone reluctantly stated, letting the cloth fall again.

"More, no. No. You don't mean… you can't." Sakura shook her head in disbelief and fear.

"You're serious about this. Aren't you?" Kakashi's voice was soft, depressingly and dangerously so.

"It depends." Naruto didn't budge despite the bile that rose in his throat at the thought of what he was considering. "Tell me honestly…

"Just how strong is Sasuke this time?"

o. o. o.

Omake:

It was a peaceful day in Konohagakure.

… That was their first warning that something was wrong.

Konohaaaaa.

Suddenly, without warning, all of the heads of the Hokage monument began to move.

Tsunade's mouth opened impossibly wide. Out of it poured countless copies of her slug summon Katsuyu. White slugs and sticky fluid sprayed everywhere.

Minato's face split in two like a set of doors. Inside, Gamabunta sat on an ornate throne with a Boss summon sized pimp stick in one hand and a chalice filled with sake in the other.

Hiruzen's face lifted up as if there was a hinge on the top of his skull. Inside, Monkey King Enma stood proudly with his arms crossed and looking imposing.

Toborama's head seemed to sink into the ground below. Manda's head instantly shot out of the opening, looking around frantically as if trying to figure out where the hell he was and how he got there in the first place.

"Who dared put me in this infernal place?! And where is that music coming from?!" The Snake boss hissed angrily.

"Take a wild guess." Gamabunta puffed out a large cloud of smoke from his pipe.

Konohaaaaaaaaaa.

Hashirama's scalp levitated from the rest of his head on a fine line. A cloud of technicolor smoke burst from the opening, showing a smaller Kurama in a leather punk jacket, metal chains around his neck, and sunglasses.

His eyebrow was twitching rampantly.

Whatever he was going to say or do was sadly not to be, as he was blown up and sent flying by the family of psychotic immortals playing music from below.

Konoha! Fuck Yeah!
Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day, Yeah!

Konoha! Fuck Yeah!
Ninjas are the only way, Yeah!

The scene changes to some random forest where Sasori and Deidara were just standing around.

"Wait. Where the hell are we?" Deidara looked around confused. "And what's with the tacky music?"

Akatsuki, your game is through
'cause now you have ta answer to

Sasori was about to say something, but then they both blew up.

Konoha! Fuck yeah!

The image then changes to Shadow doing pelvic thrusts.

So lick my butt and suck on mah balls!

Cue aerial view of the main gates including halfway sleeping Izumo and Kotetsu.

Konoha! Fuck Yeah!
Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now!

It's the dream that we all share.
It's the hope for tomorrow.
(Fuck Yeah!)

At this point the screen was flashing to whatever was being mentioned in the song.

Tsuchi's! (Fuck Yeah!)
Hokage! (Fuck Yeah!)
Jutsu! (Fuck Yeah!)
Torture! (Fuck Yeah!)
Kunai! (Fuck Yeah!)
Shuriken! (Fuck Yeah!)
Bigger Shuriken! (Fuck Yeah!)
Assassination! (Fuck Yeah!)

Fuck Yeah!

Hot Springs! (Fuck Yeah!)
Big dogs! (Fuck Yeah!)
Fire! (Fuck Yeah!)
Steroids! (Fuck Yeah!)
Sandals! (Fuck Yeah!)
Fake Tits! (Fuck Yeah!)
Sealing! (Fuck Yeah!)
Icha Icha! (Fuck Yeah!)
Blood Lines! (Fuck Yeah!)
Peeping! (Fuck yeah..Fuck Yeah)

"FUCK YEAH!" Jiraiya shouted in enthusiasm, only to be pummeled an instant later.

The Log! (Amen!)
Transformations! (Fuck Yeah!)
Flames of Youth! (Fuck Yeah!)
Medic Nin! (Fuck Yeah!)
Eye Transplants! (Fuck Yeah!)
Explosions! (Fuck Yeah!)
Immigrants! (Fuck Yeah!)
Chunin exams! (Fuck Yeah!)
ANBU! (Fuck Yeah!)
ROOT! (..Fuck Yeah..Fuck Yeah)

"There they are! Get them before they escape!" The few that had cheered at the last bit were honed in on by every Shinobi that had been waiting for the slipup and assaulted with discrimination.

Danzo! (...)
Peace and Love! (...)

At this point Tsunade and Shizune had enough and turned off the television in her office. "… Before I claw my eyes and ears out, remind me again why I watched this?"

"This is our brilliant and totally not ripped off theme song for Konoha!" Shadow grinned. "Also, it's a great way to lure out Root!"

"As much as it kills me to say this, I'm somewhat glad that Danzo's men aren't that stupid." Shizune wept, not sure if her tears were water or blood by this point.

"Why was my chest shown for the "fake tits" part?" The woman inquired dangerously.

Shizune was more mortified that she was somehow the "medic-nin", only somehow posing in a latex sexy nurse outfit that she had ever seen or worn before in her life.

"Those are not lies! They are beautiful works of organic art that should forever engraved into everyone's memories for the rest of time!" Jiraiya roared to the heavens, only to get decked by Tsunade.

"Like I said. Promotional material!" Shadow grinned and took out a chart. "We'd get seven percent more clients with the subject itself, but eleven point two if we hashtag a pic of your upper testies with it."

"I don't ca- eleven percent you say?"

"Sex sells." Shadow shrugged. "There's benefits to having the lesser gender be in control of too many positions. They have two heads and no brains."

"It was my idea. And math. And plan. And video." Scabbard materialized behind his sister, holding out a piece of paper. "And this is my bill."

"… Shit. I knew I forgot something."

"I own all of you."

"Where's Ghost anyways?"

"SAAAAAANNNNNNTTTTAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Oh. Right. Nick's back. I gotta update his portfolio."

o. o. o.

A/N:

Told you I'd have it done by the end of the month.

So this chapter has a lot of character development going on. Reactions and actions that couldn't be done in the previous chapter have taken place because, well… lots of shit has happened and its still very recent to everyone.

I know people didn't want more Presence exposition, but again, it was going to happen sometime given the state of things.

So Lee's inadvertently cursed himself and his team. A bit of a wtf moment, but that's how Crypt roles, and also it goes a bit deeper into the nature of his powers in general. Seal mastery and power is nice and all, but there needs to be MORE if he's been proven to be a multiversal force of unnatural influence.

As for Ghost's brief mention of his first wife… yeah, a bit of trivia. His second's getting mind screwed set him off tremendously, that's already been established… but his First wife was the one that made him that way to begin with.

I won't say how, because that's a very long story in itself, but bottom line, Waltz, Scab, and Shadow absolutely despise her. Even Crypt when sane doesn't think too kindly of her.

While there is a bit of a mood whiplash, keep in mind that all of the main characters are shinobi. They are trained to deal with loss from an early age, and some like Kakashi have dealt it already, so their recover rate is fast. I'm not saying they are ignoring their feelings, or they've gotten over with it already, but they know that they can't do anything about it now. The best they can do is train for what's to come…

… and murder the fuck out of Hidan.

I know that Lee's group hasn't gotten any spotlight. That will be addressed soon enough.

As for Ghost. Hana. Anko. And Iwa in general…

Soon. Blatantly unfair. That's all I'm going to say.

As for whether or not Sasuke come's back. You'll just have to keep on reading.

And yes, more character development and some NaruHina moments, because I need to get to it eventually.

Merry xmas you bastards!

Oh, and I know everyone will probably ignore this request, but if possible, please update the TV tropes page. And maybe make some fanart? Christmas and all that. Please?

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NARUTO OUT PERVED HINATA FINALLY! AND REVIEW AGAIN!