Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

20. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen: … ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNCCCCHHHHH!

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Hiruzen withheld a sigh as he and his team sat in front of Takigakure's representatives... and a clearly uncomfortable Fuu, who looked like she'd do anything not to be here in the first place.

"You honor us with your presence Hokage-sama." The de-facto leader bowed, a handsome middle aged man with short black hair all over his head that was just starting to go grey in a few select areas. "We were aware that the security of the Nanabi was of a great concern to Konoha, but to send over one as reputable as yourself was a pleasant surprise."

"Taki has long been an ally of the leaf." Hiruzen nodded in recognition of the compliment, but didn't let it inflate his ego in the slightest. He could taste the sugarcoated hypocrisy in every other word coming from the man's mouth. "I was present when my teacher gifted you with Ch… her, in the first place, and made strides to accommodate our relationship over the years. It would be remiss of me to simply gloss over this unfortunate turn of events…"

"… and make sure you lot don't fuck up my hard work," was left unspoken.

"Of course. Of course." The man smiled as kindly as the former Kage, playing his role well despite the looks of distaste that several of the other politicians had behind him. "We would be forever honored to have your aid in this time of crisis. And I speak for all of us when I say you have our deepest condolences for your loss. Kakuzu is a plague that has been roaming the world far longer than he should have."

The Kage pretended not to notice the brief spike of rage from the three teens behind him. "We have all incurred losses recently. How are the families of your men faring?"

"As well as we can. We can hardly afford the losses of two more jonin after what has already occurred." A grimace made its way onto his face. Taki had a history of producing a large number of jonin... but it was small, and most jonin were officials, the most notable ones had been killed in the recent mass assassination. It was a heavy blow.

"Akatsuki must be dealt with. Until then, the least we can expect is more ambushes and acts of terrorism." Hiruzen nodded. "And if they obtain what they are after, I'm afraid the ramifications will only grow more severe."

"Mmm. Leaving the Biju in the hands of such a group for any period of time is sobering. For a group of four to deal so much damage to two teams of elites, including yourself is quite astounding. And despite your best efforts, you only managed to kill one of them in turn…"

He didn't let the snipe at his ability get to him. "Complications are always present when dealing with a skilled extreme long range specialist. By my estimations, she must have been at least four kilometers away when she took action while we were distracted by Kakuzu."

"Bullshit." Muttered a member from the Taki delegation. "There's no jutsu that can hit anything from that distance with that accuracy."

"If you want to argue against the genius Hyuga that heard you, keep talking." Fuu complained without turning away. "I can back him up."

The disgruntled man glared at the jinchuriki, but wisely didn't press the issue seeing as Neji was giving him a death glare with his mismatched eyes.

"Four kilometers?" The leader repeated in surprise. It was rare enough to hear of techniques that were effective over a single kilometer, but four? Outside of a closed circle of justu designed to cause mass destruction on that sort of scale, few if any technique possessed such range. "I… if that is true, then the rumors of Akatsuki's capabilities falling into the realm of fantasy are more credible than I gave merit."

"S rank shinobi tend to give that impression." Hiruzen gave his trademark grandfatherly smile. "It was quite tiresome, dealing with those heart monsters of Kakuzu's. Fuu-chan was of great help in that regard."

It was the way he said it that sent shivers down the Takigakure delegation's spines, that almost carefree way he spoke of the boogeyman of their making, as if Kakuzu ultimately didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Salt wasn't rubbed into the wound, it had been shoved into the gash and stitched shut with it still inside. He was the Professor. The third Hokage. A legend even among legends, and someone that should not be fucked with.

Their worst nightmare meant nothing to him.

"Heh." Fuu's confidence rose slightly, her body posture relaxing and a small grin appearing on her face. "You're giving me too much credit. You could have handled that tentacle monster by yourself."

"Hohoho. Oh, you are the one that's generous. You're far stronger than you give yourself credit for, Fuu-chan." Hiruzen played along. "Was it not you that Kakuzu was running from in the end?"

"Forgive me for interrupting, but from what I saw from the information from Akatsuki that you gave us, I believe that Kakuzu's partner was considered among the weakest members," the Taki representative said, ending the banter. "Seeing as they work in pairs and the other team was, as you said, four kilometers away, does that mean the reason a more decisive victory was not claimed was his interference?"

The remaining members from team Gai tensed at the unspoken accusation of their inadequacy.

Hiruzen didn't so much as twitch and nodded his head. "Yes. Though, it seems as if our information was out of date in regards to the Jashin priest. Initially he was more than manageable for the forces allocated to him, albeit he was slightly stronger than anticipated, until he used a forbidden jutsu that even I have only heard whispers about, and overwhelmed us."

"Sounds like a convenient technique if it even gave you trouble." The politician's tone was genuine but his eyes betrayed nothing but scathing disbelief.

"I know of only one other akin to it." Hiruzen's eyes in turn took a dangerous glint. "The Yondaime used that particular kinjutsu to defeat the Kyubi sixteen years ago."

At once the body of Taki shinobi paled instantly. A member of Akatsuki, knowing a technique that could potentially overwhelm the strongest of the biju? There had always been rumors as to how exactly the Yondaime Hokage had defeated the beast, but until then it had been just that, rumors.

Hiruzen would leave it at that though. He didn't even want to imagine what would happen if the public realized it was possible to invoke the gods themselves under the right circumstances.

"Is… Is that so?" The jonin coughed in a desperate attempt to appear composed. "That certainly is concerning. If that's the case, then it's fortunate that so many have managed to survive at all."

"Indeed. If we did perish, I doubt that Tsunade would be willing to send anyone else over to aid with such a dangerous adversary out there. Taki is a valued ally, but in our world, we have to look out for our own interest as well, obviously. I must say, you are all quite fortunate that situation could be salvaged."

That grandfatherly smile and kind disposition did nothing to hide the venom in his words.

While they were still up and running on paper, the old man would no doubt be running the entire village, and by extension a good part of the country with an iron fist, should they prove unable to protect themselves. Should anyone try to argue otherwise, he would pull all Konoha's… no, all of the Land of Fire's support and leave them an easy mess for the vultures outside the country to peck at relentlessly.

Takigakure may be independent on paper, but the one that was writing the documents and making the orders was the old man himself. The country was for all intents and purposes, now Konoha's complete bitch.

That is of course, so long as no one significant developed the nerve to question him. He was a peaceful man after all. He would never dream of taking over an ally village with force.

That was Danzo's thing.

This way was far subtler, and cheaper.

"I would not blame her if that did come to pass." The man agreed nervously. He could feel himself shrinking beneath the hypocritical smile of the war veteran. "Despite what has happened, we are grateful for her and your support. Takigakure will be in the Leaf's debt for this."

That much was obvious. The second word got out of Taki's situation and Hiruzen's presence, the entire world would be aware of the leash and collar around the village's neck.

"Well, as uncomfortable as our meeting may be, we do have more pressing issues to address." Hiruzen got to the point, his seemingly kind eyes opening just a bit to show the others that he was inspecting their reactions. "While I am going to be quite busy assisting you with commitments and documentations that need addressing, I also expect my assistants behind me to have your full support in examining the scene of the event."

"Them?" As if noticing them for the first time, the jonin looked at the teenagers behind the former Kage. "I trust their fighting abilities Hokage-sama, but I don't see how children could be of use when we have yet to find anything."

"What part of, don't piss off the Hyuuga didn't you get?" Fuu muttered under her breath. Her superiors here were ignorant assholes, not deaf.

Realizing that no one would take him seriously unless he gave some proof, Neji readjusted his headband to reveal his dojutsu, making no effort to hide his annoyance as he did so.

Hiruzen shook his head, holding back the urge to sigh. "As Fuu-chan stated, Neji-kun here is a Hyuuga. His Byakugan will be of great help. Kin-chan is a former Oto shinobi and genjutsu expert. Her input has been very helpful on many occasions. As for Lee-kun, who might I point out is currently behind all of you…"

At the old man's words, the jonin in the room blinked in confusion for a moment before realizing that the green clad boy with the eyebrows that had been kneeling behind the old man had moved, politely kneeling behind them as if he had been there the entire time. His beetle black eyes staring at them without so much as a twitch, a cold fire burning behind them.

"… He is well versed in assassination tactics and methodologies. Trained by Zabuza Momochi himself." The Kage finished his sentence pleased. The boy had read and reacted to the subtle gesture he had made behind his back when introducing the team as flawlessly as his ANBU. Zabuza and Gai had trained him well. "Quite frankly I'm disappointed that you underestimated how much we care about your situation."

"D-Disappointed?" One of the jonin turned back to the old man.

"Despite their age, these three are among our most promising and talented assassination and hunter specialists." Hiruzen's cheerful voice held a clear weight to it, much like a knife gently caressing the skin of their necks. Not enough to cut skin, but more than suitable for the steel's cold to transfer through all the nerves of the subject's body. "After all the effort we have made in preparing for Akatsuki and protecting the Biju, and of course, maintaining our relations, did you really assume that we would send a simple escort along with myself to protect Fuu-chan?"

o. o. o.

"So?"

Naruto didn't look back at Ghost as he ate the cheap meal from the food cart, watching instead the countless people of all sorts of genetic backgrounds and clothes walk this way and that about the city.

This world was… different. No chakra. No power. No legendary creatures. Just, technology and people, and politics. He knew instinctively that everything that could be done here was possible in his world given enough time. But the people were all the same in his eyes. Culturally, they more or less treated one another the same which was good.

But during his week left alone in this realm, he had read enough from the news to know that more of the same issues. Distrust. Power struggles. Secret deals. Lies. Hypocrisy. Money. Sex. Pride. Weapons. Violence. Utter stupidity and complete incompetence.

Nature seemed to be of the same mind. He could feel him softly screaming, being eaten away and poisoned by the species that he was a part of. At the rate things were going, he knew that things would be terrible for the entire planet within the next century.

So many people. So many options. So many fools. So many weaklings.

So many things that weren't his problem.

"Why did you bring me here?" He ended up asking.

"…" Ghost didn't say anything at first, instead taking another bite from his loaded hotdog simply continuing to watch people walk by, unaware of who the two powerhouses were. "… From what I've been told, my original home world was like this, before it was destroyed."

Naruto blinked in surprise and glanced at the man. He rarely heard Ghost talk about his past, let alone his origins.

"I used to be like them, if what Scab says is true. We all were." He nodded his head at the masses. "Just another shmuck walking nowhere all the time. No powers. No hidden purposes. No demon dragon goddess thing. No insanity. I was absolutely no one of significance from the beginning. Not some chosen one. Not the kid of anyone important, or reincarnation, or genetic experiment, or a guy that came across some super special awesome secret by dumb luck for that matter. Dad was a teacher that used to work in the ass end of politics when he was younger and had enough of the bullshit. Mom was a former run of the mill chemist that had a taste of high society 'cause her rich friends liked her company and dry humor. A few cousins left and right doing their own thing. Couple of dead grandparents. No outstanding family history. Just… a plain vanilla human."

"Sounds boring." It was the best thing he could come up with, being blindsided like that. "Scab's the only one that remembers?"

"Anything in detail. That head of his really is something else." Ghost shrugged. "Waltz and Shadow recall a few things here and there, but there are bigger gaps as time goes on. As for Crypt... Scab doesn't admit it, but it really gets to him. Watching us fall apart in slow motion like we are. Sometimes he made inside jokes that we used to make back before by accident, but it just goes over our heads now. I think he dies a bit on the inside every time something small like that happens."

"You don't remember anything?" Naruto glanced at the blind man curiously. Considering just how dedicated Ghost was to his family, he would have assumed that the man would be the most intent on being able to recall everything about his past.

"… When we first dealt with Zuzushi, got our powers, we, and a good portion of the people on our homeworld got sent to a new realm, a new world. One that was a bit of a mixing pot of multiversal forces, rules and events. An experimental reality. All sorts of beings, societies, and landscapes existed there. Some parts were rich in power, resources, and chakraish abilities in the wildlife. Others were complete dumps. Some were all metal, even the animals. A few where half the landscape was floating in mid-air due to magical or science shenanigans. And even more were just plain boring woods. It's a pretty unstable place. Creatures and phenomena of every type dwelled somewhere there."

"Sounds like fun." Naruto honestly admitted. "I take it something shitty happened to you."

"The transfer process wasn't well organized. More on the spot than anything. Everyone went anywhere and everywhere, and powers were developed left and right in the process. Overall, not that uncommon. My wind and timespace abilities were part of it. Could have easily gotten Waltz' powers if I was a meter to the left of where I originally was for all I know."

Naruto paused for a moment to try and imagine a beefed up Ghost, but instantly dismissed the idea. "Yeah, that wouldn't have worked."

Ghost briefly smirked in amusement. "Still, for many, that side benefit did jack shit. Like I said, everyone went everywhere. A bunch of people got dumped over open water and drowned or got eaten. Some in volcanoes. Jungles. War zones. Smelting plants. Test chambers. Underground caves. Back yards. Construction sites. Pool parties. Etc. You know how Shadow turned out, frozen in the middle of nowhere like in some cheesy movie plot device so her body would adjust without interruption. Well, I wasn't one of the fortunate ones. Got dropped in a particularly nasty area called "Nirvana". Three hundred million square kilos of thick jungle where the trees were taller than mountains, the wildlife could stand toe to toe with the Kyubi and the plants just as vicious. And there I was. A weak ass human, freshly blinded with no idea what the fuck was going on."

"I take it you died a lot."

"That goes without saying."

"So, how did you get out?"

A bitter grin appeared on the man's face. "I didn't."

"What?"

"I was freshly blind and had no idea how my powers worked, that I even had them, or what they were to begin with. Lost in a place that I had no ability to navigate. In a forest with some of the most cruel and vicious wildlife you would ever encounter. I couldn't make it ten feet without getting mauled by something." The immortal elaborated, speaking slowly as if talking to an idiot. "I found out quickly about my "gift" from Zuzushi. That much was obvious. Didn't help much when I was starving, sick, poisoned, lost, injured, and dehydrated."

Naruto couldn't help but turn a little green as he process what he was hearing. He had been exposed to enough tortures in the past few months to know just how damaging an experience could be to a person's psyche. In a worst case scenario, it could even lead to…

"… My earliest memory was of me dying. Right here." He tapped the side of his head lightly. "Whoever I was back then has long since stopped existing. Getting killed physically is nothing compared to that. Sensory deprivation and isolation are laughable. Fun thing about training, you need to not be interrupted and have time for your mind and body to rest and develop in order for anything to take hold. No point in it if nothing develops and nothing is learned."

"Why tell me this?" The blonde warily asked. "One of the first things you hammered into my head was to not dwell and lament about the past. You hate sappy shit like this."

"True. But there are always exceptions." Ghost grinned. "Like I said, I came from a place like this. Something like me came from something like this, no matter how absurd it sounds. Remembering this keeps me… I dunno, grounded. A little. Keeps things in perspective. Absolute power fucks rationality absolutely and all that bull."

Naruto held his tongue. He would have made some scathing comment about the man's hypocrisy, but he couldn't. He was born and raised in a village that trained soldiers starting from a young age. Where people with powers ran left and right all over the place and death was common. He was conditioned to see such things as commonplace, though not on the scale that he was famous for.

Remembering what it was like to be weak. To not be special. To be one of the many. To just… ignore, what he currently was, even for just a small period of time. Not deny it, just… forget for a time. To relate.

He had to admit, the idea was a bit appealing. As much as he enjoyed his own hype, the whole, weight-of-the-world-placed-on-his-shoulders-since-he-was-two-hours-old bit was something he'd love to just get away from for a bit.

More so if he could do so without going mad in the process.

"I had already made a deal with the devil in a half dead state, but even with all that power, the previous me died like the countless nameless masses that vanish in every inhabited world out there. I was one of those guys that you hear about in the news vanishing in some horrible or weird way, you pause for a moment to think, "Damn. That sucks," maybe even have a brief moment of pity, and then forget the entire thing and go on with the rest of your life because you have better things to do."

Ghost was talking more to himself now, watching the world turn, not caring who he was or that at one point he had been one of them. Weak. Powerless. Unnoticeable. Sane. Mortal.

There was no point in trying to hide the envy and longing in his tone. He didn't even remember being normal in the first place, but he knew enough.

Naruto honestly didn't know what to say to something like that. As much as he boasted about not relying on fate and all that bullshit when he was still an idiot, it didn't change the fact that he was still his father's son, born with absurd genetics and a giant monster stuck in his gut. And the less said about that bullshit prophecy, the better…

"I screamed. Begged. Cried. Whimpered. Prayed to every and any god out there, even to ones that I didn't know, in the hope that it would all end. I didn't even care about getting out by that point. Not that it helped. No one was there in the first place. What creatures that did exist in Nirvana that comprehended my language cared less about the person suffering and cared more about the easy meal. Nature at its finest." The Immortal went on. "I tried to reason myself back to sanity, but that didn't last long. There was too much pain and chaos and confusion for reason to last long. I tried just stopping, laid down on the ground, and hoped that I'd just erode away after enough time, but that didn't work either. I tried to survive, but what little skills I might have developed previously were worthless since I was blind and couldn't see what I was doing. What food I came across was either poisonous or right next to something that murdered me before I could even get a bite."

It was a never ending hell for a never ending man. Death wouldn't come for him, it couldn't.

"For years and years and years and years and years. Never stopping. Never slowing down. Relentless and unforgiving and unyielding and incomprehensive, eating away at my mind and body… until there was nothing left of the person I was. Basic instincts took over, and was far more productive than anything that rationality and sanity could manage. The naked madman that could not comprehend the existence of other humans that Waltz and Scab found by complete accident a century later, the mysterious "Ghost of Nirvana" that haunted the few adventurers that did manage to survive the depths of the forest, wasn't their missing brother. Might have been at one point, but wasn't by then."

"And the moral of the story?" The blonde ended up asking.

Ghost shrugged casually, the morose aura that temporarily hovered over him completely gone now in exchange for his usual careless and childish one. "Who knows? You could make up a thousand different ones and they'd all be right or wrong for all I care. It really doesn't matter in the end to me does it?"

… That in itself could be another moral in a sick way. That his power and the hell he went through was all meaningless and pointless in the end. That he had lost his mind for no purpose or reason.

"Figures." Naruto shook his head and looked around. What he had learned about the man depressed him. In fact it would probably have caused him to dwell on it for a while had it not been for one tiny detail…

The general local populace had been replaced with a myriad of cops and cars surrounding them. He counted at least twenty men on the ground, three snipers aiming at him from the buildings above, and a helicopter in the distance. "So, care to explain?"

There was a time and a place for everything. Brooding and self-reflection when facing down several dozen firearms was not it.

"Hm? Oh them. I spread classified government secrets over social media showing how they've been screwing over the masses in about a hundred different ways after embarrassing several world leaders in public. Powerful leadership and gross incompetency. You know, the usual." Ghost shrugged and handed the blonde an envelope. "And now, you're my accomplice on live t.v. Wave for the fans and look sexy for the camera. Screen time is always important."

"They think I have important classified information, don't they?"

"Nothing but various pieces of evidence exposing their participation in illegal sexcapades stolen from the bedrooms of the world leaders themselves, with their names and dna on it. And their porn website accounts. So, technically, yeah, classified information." The immortal grinned as he faded from view right in front of everyone's eyes.

"Lovely." Naruto deadpanned, unflappable as several bullets went through where Ghost had just been less than a meter away from him. He wasn't good enough with using the air to bend light around him to become invisible, and flying would just make him an even bigger target in a place like this. He knew better than to try and reason his way out of this, or give them the porn. It would just cause the bastard to get him into even more trouble later on.

"Freeze! You're under arrest! Put your hands in the air and no sudden movements!" One of the cops shouted at him with a megaphone, not that the blonde was paying any attention to him, instead rolling a smoke bomb in his off hand.

"You say that after already trying to plug Ero-ni full of lead and expect me to feel safe if I comply? Yeah. Not happening." The blonde rolled his eyes and examined his surroundings with scrutiny. "Let's see if I can get out of here without killing anyone this time."

o. o. o.

Naruto opened his eyes, examining the world around him and noting that it was late afternoon with everyone still walking down the main road that circumvented the Land of Earth.

He must have been more restless than he had thought. He had somehow managed to flip upside down while he was meditating in midair.

"Quite an interesting position to self-reflect in." Kakashi mused a short distance away, noticing the blonde finally returning to the waking world.

"Waterfalls are for pussies." Really, they were more of a crutch for meditating than anything. The constant uniform pounding and loud noises they gave off drowned out enough senses and thought that it made looking inside of yourself particularly easy.

Meditating while floating inside underground train systems while staying invisible and not getting run over on the other hand, THAT was a challenge.

"Finally get any blood in that skull of yours?" Ino grinned as he flipped himself back upright.

"Dunno. You're the mind reader. You tell me." The blonde yawned.

"Please. I know better than to get near that thing. I might catch something."

"Yeah. My unmatched brilliance."

"Sorry. I don't feel like spreading the plague."

"The plague of BRILLIANCE!"

"Children please. I'd like to go for some time without the crazy spreading." Sakura groaned. "Naruto, how are your arms?"

"BRILLIANT!"

"And the not stupid answer?"

"As well as expected." Naruto's ranting ended instantly. "Left arm's upgraded from mulch and powder to shreds and shards, but they're recovering fast. Right arm's almost fully healed. Another session or two should have it back to normal."

As if to prove his point, the blonde made a few quick test jabs with the almost recovered arm before holding it out straight and having a slew of visible wind blades spawn from it in every direction momentarily.

"Don't overdo it. You'll still need physical therapy afterwards." The medic frowned. "Your chakra system in your right arm isn't fully healed."

"Yeah yeah. No need to tell me that twice." Naruto flexed his right hand to test it, noting the minor pin prick sensations that tingled through it when he made a tight enough fist.

He could already tell that his chakra paths weren't up to snuff yet. After years of making rasengan variants with both his arms, he instinctively knew how much was needed to perform the extremely intensive technique without performing it anymore. A brief buildup of chakra in his arm told him more than enough to know that it wasn't healed yet.

"Seriously. Your coils are completely wrecked compared to the last time you used that technique." Sakura glared at him. "I don't even want to know how you managed that."

"Yes you doooo." He loved teasing her like this.

"No. I really don't."

"Too bad. You're gonna have to learn about it eventually." He swooned. "For medical purposes and theory and boring stuff."

"Shit." She grunted.

"Medical purposes and theory?" Kakashi rose a curious eyebrow. "Do tell."

Instead of explaining, Naruto held out his right hand into a fist and focused for a few moments with everyone watching curiously. They saw him mold a good amount of chakra, but not into any jutsu.

Instead, they merely watched as his hand opened and a thick, blue substance fell from it and to the ground.

"… No. Fucking. Way." Ino's eyes widened in disbelief, the first one to tell what it was with her sensory ability. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Solid chakra." Kakashi blinked, also caught off guard. "How…"

"Combine huge chakra reserves with the high pressure and compression traits of high level earth and wind element manipulation, and that's the result." The blonde shrugged. "It's rough on the body, almost akin to using biju chakra actually, but it jacks up ninjutsu to crazy levels. I call techniques I use with it "level 2"s. All sorts of insane shit happens when I bust those moves out."

"No! No! Stop that! Stop breaking the rules of physics every time you feel like it! The world isn't supposed to work like that!" Ino threw her hands in the air in frustration.

"You used a rasenshuriken made of THAT against Zabuza and Haku?! Were you trying to kill them?!" Sakura shouted at him in astonishment. She wasn't a sensor by any means, but she could still feel the raw power coming from the slowly evaporating substance. What was on the ground went against years of textbooks and theories developed by the world's greatest researchers. Chakra was formless by its very nature. It couldn't be a solid, let alone a gas!

"Oi oi. I didn't aim it directly at them. And you should have seen that monster technique they used against me. They're way stronger than before." The blonde pouted and suppressed a shiver at the memory of the colossal ice dragon that almost ate him. Not in fear, but in the memory of just how cold it was being near it. "A normal rasenshuriken wouldn't have worked against their technique."

Inside, Kakashi and Sakura paused to note just how easily Naruto had admitted such a thing. Rasenshuriken had at one point been his ace in the hole, a move strong enough to completely wreak havoc on Akatsuki. Being able to surpass the original move was no small feat, and for the owner to say so could only be considered as praise of the highest level.

"And you just, what, miraculously made this shit up while you were gone?" Ino glared at him incredulously.

"Oi oi. Don't give me that. It was by accident." Naruto shook his head. "I was curious if I could mix up my wind and earth elements to screw with sand like Gaara and spent a ton of time playing around with ways to combine the two. Didn't even know that slop was so damn potent until one clone got bored and wondered if it was flammable. Almost didn't manage to call off the feds for that one. Took forever to pay for the damages."

"Sand manipulation?" Kakashi tilted his head curiously. "Isn't that against the code Naruto?"

"Just wanted to see if I could do it in the first place." Naruto shrugged. "Seemed useful."

"The code?" Sakura leered at the two men.

"The unspoken bro code of badasses." Naruto nodded sagely.

"It's a sacred trust." Kakashi mimicked his student perfectly.

"Ugh. Boys and their stupid clubhouse rules." Ino groaned.

Naruto gasped. "Kakashi! She spoke ill of the code!"

"Don't concern yourself with the masses Naruto. They are not bro's of badassery. Their pitiful unknowing minds cannot comprehend our greatness and the rules that we follow." Kakashi soothed his student kindly. "She will realize the folly of her ways in due time, just like the others. She will beg us for forgiveness, and we shall consider it with our mighty badassness to guide us."

"Yeah right. Next you're going to tell me that there are rankings and that Chouji's a high leveled member."

Kakashi and Naruto instantly donned impassive poker faces that would put ROOT members to shame. "It goes against the code to divulge information about potential fellow badass bros or its inner functions. Especially to their girlfriends and or significant others."

While the three stooges were bickering about rules that didn't exist, Sakura distracted herself with Naruto's discovery of solid, purified chakra.

He wasn't kidding when he mentioned potential medical purposes. While he likely was understating just how rough it was on his body to produce it, if they could somehow store the substance for long term use, its potential uses were possibly revolutionary.

Ignoring it being obvious energy supplements, the substance could potentially be a miracle ingredient for developing curatives and poisons. No matter how developed and flexible medical ninjutsu was, there were still limitations that had yet to be surmounted. Diseases that preyed on those with advanced chakra systems; conditions that sapped away chakra rapidly over a period of time, weakening it to other bacteria; catalysts that accelerated the healing process much like her Strength of a Hundred seal. The possibilities were boundless.

If it weren't for the fact that she knew that they were trying to tie together all of the elemental nations together in the long term, she would have even gone as far to assume that it could easily put Konoha ahead of its rivals for at least a decade or two if they managed to figure out a way to mass produce it.

"N-Naruto?"

If cars actually existed in that world instead of the pale imitations that they currently had, Naruto would have sworn that he had heard tires screech in that instant as everyone froze in place.

Not because it was Hinata that had addressed him, but more importantly…

"I… was wondering if you needed any more medical treatment tonight." The Heiress blushed and looked away while pressing her fingers together.

… Because she was acting like a shy thing that she had been way back before he had traveled back in time.

"I, yes. Yeah. Sure." The blonde dumbly nodded, his face as pale as everyone else's, unable to turn away from the out of character behavior his girlfriend was displaying. "Can you, uh, look at my chakra pathways in my arm later? Sakura says it should only take a few more sessions."

"Ok." She nodded before turning to the others. "Kakashi. Sakura. Ino."

No one said a word as the Hyuuga turned and walked away with a perpetual blush on her face.

"Naruto. Tell us honestly. Did you actually fuck the scary out of Hinata last night?" Ino couldn't turn away from what she had just witnessed, absolute terror clearly visible in her eyes.

"After what we just saw, I wish I did. I only played a bit at most." The fellow blonde swallowed heavily. Good Log. He had only done a little bit of psychological foreplay with her last night. Who knows what terrors he would unleash once the deed was done?

"Wait… oh no. Do you know what this means?" Kakashi whimpered. "Naruto, you poor soul."

"What? What's wrong?" The blonde squeaked out in genuine fear.

"… You don't mean?" Sakura's eyes dilated in disbelief.

"Yes." The jonin turned to his former student and heavily put his hands on the teen's shoulders. "Naruto. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I feel I must inform you that Hinata's latent terrifying nature is directly proportional to her pent up sexual frustration."

The world began to crack around the jinchuriki. "No. No! It can't be true!"

There were few things in this world, of this world, that he could believe surpassed the might of the biju. Jiraiya's perversion. His love of ramen. Shikamaru's innate laziness. Ebisu's ability to be useless.

But none came close to the depths and depravity that was spawned from Hinata's libido.

It had been kept under lock and key since its inception. Tamed by training, self control, and her demure disposition that had been unjustly developed by her initial raising in the Hyuuga clan. But much like Kurama's seal when Jiraiya had first loosened it, the monster behind it had sense just the briefest hint of freedom years ago when he had first strengthened their relationship. It had not woken up, but its influence was there for all to see. The diary. The assertiveness and possessiveness.

It would not let go. It had its inch, and soon it would get its mile.

While he did not have sex with Hinata, he had given her a taste of the meal that she had always dreamed of. Her ambrosia. Something that she had dreamed of and incubated a yearning for nearly half a decade in her subconscious.

A hint. A tease. A breath of fresh air. An awakening of sorts. She was tame now, but it would not last long. Now, it knew what a taste was. It was aware. And would want more, with each and every meal.

Naruto Uzumaki was fucked. Figuratively and literally.

The eldest shinobi there nodded solemnly. "It is. It is good we caught it early, but you might not be so lucky next time. In order to stave off the beast, you must scratch its ever growing itches. No matter how frequently they may be or where they may be located. For all our sakes."

The scream of terror reached far and wide.

And many would say that the smile of most Iwa shinobi widened three times that day.

o. o. o.

"If you keep staring at me, I'm going to kill you. Un."

"I'm not staring at you, I'm staring at your hair."

"… If you make a crack about me being related to the Yamanaka of Konoha in some way, I will make you pay for it. There are ways to kill people extremely slowly with explosives, and unless you haven't noticed, I am very good with bombs."

"Oh no, I'm not doubting that. The only shinobi other than you whose name is practically synonymous with explosions and mass destruction of public property is the Kyubi's Jinchuriki. It's just… what product do you use?"

The recreational room of the base used by the rebel Iwa shinobi was sadly not being used for its intended purposes at the moment. While it was occupied by several dozen individuals, none of them were relaxed. Instead, their attention was occupied with the two men sitting casually in the middle of the room. One was a weak, albeit silver tongued civilian. The other, a person that was almost as dangerous as Onoki.

Deidara's eyebrow twitched. "I don't know what's more insulting. That when people think of me, they only think of tasteless explosions and destruction, or you're actually using hair care products as a conversation opener."

"But it's so well kept!" The civilian pressed. "I know shinobi of higher ranks take particular care of themselves. Scentless soaps and shampoo. Shaved arms and legs. Little to no dandruff. Strengthened and clipped nails. But your hair is just so well kept compared to the rest of the people in this hole! The sheen and girth of your follicles clearly indicates you're taking care of it, but you still do not smell or have any split ends!"

"That's what got you hyped up?" The blonde man shook his head and took out a handful of clay, instantly causing everyone to be on guard. "Feh. It's no big deal. I just use my clay to scrub myself every now and then when I don't have enough water to work with."

He used the bodily fluids from the washing plus an extra bit of blood to make his C3 bombs for that extra umph, but he obviously didn't let anyone else know that.

"Your clay… of course. Genius." Despite the fact that the man he was talking to was contemplating his murder, the negotiator focused all his attention on the lump of gray matter in front of him as if it held the secrets to eternal life. "No doubt it explains your astounding complexion as well. Not a zit or blemish to be seen despite being in the final stages of puberty…"

Deidara held back the urge to either yell at the imbecile or blow him the fuck up. He knew he was a person that was easily irritated. He didn't like idiots that didn't appreciate his art, and just generally being mocked. However, something else he generally despised was when people made note of his age. He was easily the youngest member of Akatsuki, being only 19 years old, and famous for his abilities. Unfortunately he was still underestimated by idiots every now and then, and in turn so was his art.

The only reason why he held back was because the fool was praising him in the comment, albeit for reasons he would not dare tell the other members of Akatsuki. They'd never let him hear the end of it if he did.

"My art is unrivaled. Of course it would be capable of something meaningless like that. Un." He slipped the clay back into his pouch. "I don't like you."

"Few do." The careless shrug seemed to hide the fear spawned from the killing intent directed at him. "Though I have heard many reasons for that during my jobs. Care to specify why? I'm a bit curious seeing as we've yet to actually do business in the same room."

"I have a habit of disliking silver tongued weaklings. Civilians that think they're smart tend to believe that they can get themselves out of any situation with the right words, even when they're lying to our faces." Deidara's eyes narrowed before moving on to the other shinobi in the room that were watching them. "Then again, that could also be said for annoying weaklings that don't know where they stand."

Several grunts and irritated mutterings were heard all around them.

"Well I have nothing to worry on that part. I haven't lied yet and I know full well how vulnerable and weak I am to being stabbed, cut, pummeled, poisoned, smothered, immolated, drowned, electrocuted, crushed, and exploded." The man's genuine smile didn't falter.

"Tch. You know, I may be more willing to let you live if you spill on who you work for. Or your contacts." Deidara's gaze narrowed. "My boss wasn't happy when he heard about you."

So he managed to contact his organization without leaving the base. How annoying. Communication like that will be a problem to deal with. "Now now. I'm as vexed as you are with this situation. To my knowledge, the ones that hired me had no idea that Akatsuki was also interested in the girls. However, I am sorry but I really don't know who they are and their affiliations. I'm just a reliable nameless resource to them, just as they are a wealthy reliable nameless employer to me. That doesn't mean that there can't be a means of cooperation, can there?"

"Depends." The Akatsuki crossed his arms. "What have your bigshot bosses done in the past that would make us bother keeping you alive?"

"Oh no. You won't be able to get that sort of information out of me that easily." He chuckled and shook his head. "Mmm. Yes. How about this? Tell me, what was the last you've heard about the Kyubi's jinchuriki? I've heard your organization has been rather keen on them as of late, and Konoha's pride and joy has been rather absent for the past few years..."

The only tell that gave Deidara away was his single visible eye narrowing slightly. "And you know where he is?"

"Ah, and there is the interesting story." He leaned in slightly and stage whispered for tension and effect. He knew full well that everyone in the room could hear him. "Turns out that the boy has been running amok without a leash all over the elemental nations as of late. Rumors are that his training was too much and he decided to have an unscheduled vacation right when he was supposed to come back to Konoha. There have been sightings of him in the Land of Grass to the Land of Moon just a few days later. Rumor has it he was even at Sunagakure for a brief period. Supposedly his mastery of wind ninjutsu has elevated to the point that he can fly long distances with ease."

"So in the end, you're useless." Deidara glared at him.

"Maybe. Does that mean that you knew where he was then? Or did your organization think he was still abroad? Or maybe he had already arrived in Konoha? Where he was protected instead of alone?"

He clicked his teeth in annoyance. The weakling had a point. It was much easier to catch a jinchuriki out in the open than it was in their territory. He had experienced that first hand in Suna.

This man was starting to become a problem. He knew that they were after the jinchuriki. His intelligence and money rivaled, or even surpassed the Akatsuki's.

The information on the Kyubi was a lure. It was useless information for the time being, but information that Akatsuki didn't have. If he knew that much about the Uzumaki, then the odds were high that he had more, or could get more about the other biju.

"That still doesn't amount to much. We're more than capable of getting him eventually."

"Like you and Sasori of the Red Sand "got" the Kazekage?" The lone civilian didn't change his confident demeanor, even as he allowed his words to spread through the room.

"Sasori of the Red Sand?"

"Why would he even consider working with someone from Suna?"

Deidara allowed himself to get annoyed this time. "For someone that wants to stay alive, you sure are playing a dangerous game."

"I'm more interested in yours." He didn't retreat. He couldn't afford to now. "Your organization is going after the Biju themselves. Unlike most civilians and shinobi, I do understand just how powerful and important they truly are in the grand scheme of things. All that raw power, but what for? And how do you contain all those biju? It takes time to make a jinchuriki and there are only a handful of other objects that are capable of containing them, but what if there's something else? You wouldn't believe what some are whispering even now."

"… I thought you said you were just a middleman. That you weren't told of anything significant." The Akatsuki slowly began to mold clay in his hand below the table.

"I am. Doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the rumor mill. Kakuzu and Sasori tend to dip on the same ponds every now and then. I just visit them more frequently, and deeper than they do."

There was too much confidence in his voice. That man knew Kakuzu and Sasori were their main links to the wider black market and underground worlds. He knew that Sasori was his partner. He knew the names of at least three members of their organization. More importantly, he wasn't the only one that knew this. There was bound to be more. The question was, could Akatsuki afford to kill him?

The money being thrown about in this deal was staggering. If he ruined this deal, there was an off chance that this no-name's employers would retaliate and make things difficult for Akatsuki later on. This outside group knew far too much, and until they were identified, they were a potential threat to their operations.

He really wanted to kill this guy, but he also wanted to not get chewed out by Pain later. They had a security leak, and a big one at that. Problem was, they didn't know how much had spread, or where the problem originated from. This prick was their only hint, and he was tied to someone that could be a big problem if not addressed right.

"Sounds like some rumor mill. Anything about me? Or my art?" He forced himself to calm down. Getting excited wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Creative, I believe would be the most common word that comes up," was the response. "Out of all the various ninjutsu users out there that invoke destruction using the elements, your style in particular garners the most recognition. Semi-autonomous clay bombs of unlimited size, scale and purpose. Destructive enough to destroy towns with ease. Dexterous enough to even fly with passengers. Your skills are highly praised."

"Heh. Hahaha." The blonde grinned in satisfaction. "Well now. It looks like your bosses have an eye for quality after all. Of course they would know how great my art is."

"Yes, well, unfortunately, the rumors also say that you on the other hand are too temperamental and egotistical to rely on consistently." And like that Deidara was brought back down to earth again. "There are several jobs where you have caused excessive damage over the years, and the general consensus is that had you not been employed by Akatsuki, most organizations would have only considered employing you long term in a few years after you have matured more and take your jobs more seriously."

"… Tell me where to find the guys that say this and I might not kill you."

"Ah. Well, that's actually what it says on our version of the bingo book. Mostly it only refers to S class shinobi and anyone else of particular notice. It's used as a guide for those unfamiliar with who's who when it comes to hiring for underground jobs." The civilian nervously laughed. "Still it's better than what it says about some other S ranks."

"Like?" Deidara growled dangerously.

"Orochimaru was prone to stabbing his comrades in the back after completing the deal if he thought he could gain something out of your body. Danzo of Konoha more so if you try to make a deal that's even slightly in your favor or a threat. Bee of Kumogakure is a perpetual manchild with a short attention span that is incapable of complex missions. Hidan the Jashinist is likely to just kill anyone near him on a whim and is completely unstable." He began to list off several individuals off the top of his head. "I normally don't deal in S rank shinobi, so I'm only giving summaries."

"Convenient."

"You're telling me."

"… Orochimaru. You know his student's here. She's supposedly S rank too. What's the word on her? You should know more about her since you're here for her." He asked as much to entertain himself as to gather data.

The civilian tilted his head to the side curiously. "Anko Mitarashi. Konoha shinobi. Former student of Orochimaru, but after his betrayal she avoids any relation with him outside of the skills he taught her and the summoning contract. Specializes in assassination, interrogation, torture, poisons, summoning, and ninjutsu. Also a suspected hunter nin. Currently 27 years old. She spent the majority of her career as a chunin and special jonin until three years ago when her abilities skyrocketed, alongside her partner Hana Inuzuka, when the Oogakari make their appearance. She has a short temper, but is also patient, sharp, and insightful given her occupation. Known to use fire, earth and water elements for her normal ninjutsu, but her rise to fame involves her elemental summons, which have been noted when she took down a castle overrun by missing nin single handedly two years ago. She's also noted to have an oppressive aura that resembles a tremendous serpent, which I can personally vouch for."

"Hmm. Sounds about right." Deidara nodded, filing the extra bits like her element and summons away for later. "So… any idea how she and the other one got here?"

"Probably the same as what you heard. They were dumped here, beaten and unconscious, by four cloaked shinobi that left as soon as they did so." The civilian shrugged. "That's the most I know about the subject."

"And your mystery bosses don't know either?" Deidara's eye narrowed. "You didn't ask them?"

"If they did, they didn't tell me. Even if I somehow managed to get a message out of this base where countless shinobi are watching my every move." Another casual brushoff.

"Tch." The artist grunted in annoyance. This was getting him nowhere.

"Hmmm. That does sound like quit the mystery. Eh Deidara-sempai?"

The hairs on both men's neck stood up on end as a third voice entered the conversation, and both turned their heads toward the source.

Standing behind the mad bomber, also in an Akatsuki cloak, was an individual in an orange mask with one eye hole. Other than the black hair on top of his head and his voice, there was nothing to distinguish his physical characteristics outside of his general height.

Judging from the reactions of every other shinobi in the room, they hadn't even noticed his presence until then either.

"Oi. What kind of bullshit are you trying to pull?" Deidara grunted, his hands already full of clay sculptures ready to be used. "Trying to pretend to be a member isn't something we take kindly to."

"Eh?" The masked man tilted his head to the side curiously and looked around curiously. "Who's faking? That's a pretty stupid thing to do."

"I'm talking about you dumbass!"

"Eeeeeh?!" The weird man flinched. "But I'm not pretending! I'm a member! Zetsu-san brought Tobi in and everything!"

It was Deidara's turn to pause. Of all the people to bring in members, Zetsu was the last one he'd see trying to help. The plant man thing was more interested in eating people than talking to them.

More importantly though, was the fact that no one outside of Akatsuki, Orochimaru, and very select clients that knew better than to gossip were aware of Zetsu's existence. NO ONE.

Still, the newcomer wasn't formally inducted into the group or introduced by Pain. But the idiot still threw Zetsu's name around.

This boiled down to one of two things. Either he was an idiot and was telling the truth. Or they had a spy, and this guy was still an idiot.

But he was still an idiot that got behind him in a crowded room with shinobi without getting noticed. If he was a spy, he was one with abilities to be wary of.

"And why should I believe you? Tobi?" Deidara leered at the idiot. If Pain wanted to tell him something, he would have called him to a private meeting. Sure he might have just spread the plant freak's name about, but all they had was an odd name to go by. They'd never find him anyways.

"Well sorry for not having a ring." Tobi pouted. His body language and voice were quite expressive, making up for his lack of face. "Only Orochimaru's is left and we still don't know where that went."

"You're a backup?" Deidara raised a disbelieving eyebrow. He highly doubted that this guy would replace one of them if they happened to die.

"You took in Carmen pretty easily and she didn't have one." Tobi countered.

"She shot Hidan in the face on reflex when he said something stupid and wasn't bothered by the idea of killing him. We were all behind her after that." Deidara deadpanned. If the idiot knew about Zetsu, Deidara wasn't surprised he was aware of their recently deceased member. "Not like that helped her in the end from what I heard though."

"Remind me to stab Hidan in the face when we all get together then." Tobi threw his hands in the air in frustration. "I know more about her than you do. She ran away as soon as Hidan got out of control. The Oogakari broke her neck really easily."

That caught Deidara's attention. Exact details on how Carmen died remained vague. "Oh? Is that so?"

"Zetsu-sempai let me watch with him." Tobi's chest puffed out proudly. "It was cool. Things were blowing up everywhere and Kakuzu-sempai turned into a giant tentacle monster! ... Is that why he's always so grumpy? Because women don't like tentacles and run away from him? Gasp! Kakuzu-sempai's so lonely!"

If the situation wasn't so tense, Deidara would have accepted the idiot right then and there for that bit. He didn't have anything against Kakuzu in particular, but the lonely tentacle comment was too good to pass up.

He decided to play along, if only because this Tobi knew more than a simple spy would be able to get from just listening into their conversations. "Fine then. Why are you here Tobi? What's so important that the boss had to send you so quickly?"

"Hm? Oh. Right." Tobi pounded one fist into his open hand as if just remembering before turning to the clearly unsettled civilian. "You! You're the guy Deidara-sempai was talking about, right? The one with the money and stuff?"

"If you're planning on killing me or pressing me for information, please don't. I'm fully capable of accepting defeat without causing trouble for the victors and I really don't know anything about my employers." The weakling paled and smiled politely. An unknown new member of an already secretive organization that has appeared from nowhere. Either this man child was a cleaner, or he was one of the ones that was pulling the strings without anyone else knowing. Either one spelled doom.

"Of course you don't. Even I can tell you're really weak." Tobi nodded as if agreeing with himself. "Boss wanted to know if you wanted to split the girls."

"… Eh?" Both men looked at Tobi confused.

"One for each of us." Tobi nodded proudly. "After I talk to the one that we're not getting of course."

"You came all the way here just for that? I could have easily interrogated them." The blonde man frowned. He didn't like it when his abilities were looked down upon.

"Yeah. But I'm super good and fast at it!" Tobi flailed his arms about like a child. "Plus, everyone says that Deidara-sempai is real sloppy when it comes to things like this. That he'll just end up getting carried away and killing them if they leave it to him."

"Nnngh." The Akatuski held back his tongue in frustration. Keeping the girls alive was pretty high on the priority list and his art wasn't suited for things like that.

"Well?" Tobi turned to the fashionable civilian curiously.

The man in question smiled uneasily, knowing that he was put in a position. He had been instructed to get both the girls under his thumb, and-

It's fine. Go with it.

It would have taken all his self-control not to seize up or show any physical sign that he had heard anything, but that wasn't an issue. He rarely had full control over his body anymore. "Well… I suppose I wouldn't disappear if I came back with one of them, as long as they were alive and in suitable condition. My competition has made the situation rather unique after all."

"Eeeeh? That was easy." Tobi's head tilted to the side in curiosity, his voice suddenly calmer and carrying an edge of something else in it. "Why didn't you suggest it if you were ok with it?"

"Oh, a hint here. A sign there. I'm not the only one that was employed for a job this big. Plus I'm a hard sell." He wouldn't dare go into details while being watched, but his words sew some uncertainty among those that heard him. He had lost too much ground in the situation to be able to control it now, but he could still influence with the right words.

"Is that right?" Every and any shinobi in the room looked around one another warily, suddenly suspicious of one another. The base was full of people unified by their discontent with Onoki, but that alone was not enough for some people to risk everything to try and overthrow him in such an overt manner.

"Shouldn't be surprised. Half the idiots here look like they don't know what the sharp end of a kunai is. Wouldn't be hard for anyone to slip in a few extra faces." Deidara smirked, adding fuel to the fire.

"Hey. Hey. Can we see them?" Tobi bounced happily at the turn of events.

"Who? The girls?" Deidara looked at the newcomer.

"Yeah. I wanna see them! They're supposed to be really strong and scary and pretty."

"Ah, perhaps before we do anything too rash, could we possibly talk to the leaders here about our decision, and, possibly you being here?" The lone civilian laughed in way that was clearly failing to hide his fear. "You know, so nobody gets the wrong idea?"

"I'd rather not talk to those boring idiots anymore than I have to. All they do is argue in circles and never get anything done. Small wonder this so called revolution is dead in the water." Deidara groaned, ignoring the death glares he was getting. "Tch. Fine. If we tell them that we can share and they get both prizes, they should bitch for less time. Let's get this over with. Come on."

"Oooh. I get to see the guys that want to fight the Tsuchikage? Sounds like fun!" Tobi pranced after Deidara, soon followed by the negotiator.

He knew better than to think that things were going smoothly. Many shinobi were talented in negotiating and hiding their thoughts, but few were good enough to hide it from a person who negotiated the hard deals for a living. "I'm so dead."

o. o. o.

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"And how long has he been like this?"

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"About four hours now."

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Absolute Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"I'm guessing this has something to do with the fact that Hinata has been reduced to a shy squeaking mouse since this morning."

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Incredible Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"It's better if you didn't know. I know I wish I didn't."

Sasuke shook his head in mild annoyance as he saw his best friend float aimlessly a short distance away from him with eyes dilated to mere pin pricks and repeating the endless mantra that has been apparently driving everyone else insane since it began.

Meanwhile, Hinata was walking around as if she had regressed to when she was in the academy. Blushing and pressing her fingers in shy apprehension, especially whenever her clearly traumatized boyfriend was nearby. The fact that he clearly was not aware of the world around him didn't seem to register with her at all.

"You think he'll get better if I set him on fire?" He offered. "It's worked before."

"He's now subconsciously in control of virtually all the oxygen and flammable gasses in a radius that we still have yet to establish." Sakura admonished him. "Surprising and or alarming him with fire is probably not the smartest move at the moment. The civilians wouldn't be able to survive any fallouts."

"Hasn't stopped us before."

"Doooooooooooooooooooooooooom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"Yeah well, before he wasn't completely insane." Sakura crossed her arms in finality before pausing. "Well, he was, but not THIS completely insane."

"Whatever you guys decide, can you do it soon?" Tenten grunted as she brushed past them to get some food. "If I have to listen to any more of his proclamations that we're all screwed I'm going to use him for target practice. I will not be accountable if one of them kill him."

"I thought we agreed that that was going to be a group activity once everyone was together." Sasuke glared at her, and he wasn't joking. It was going to be a party game during the celebrations when everyone was proper smashed. There was no doubt in his mind that Naruto would have agreed to it instantly.

"As far as I'm concerned, that's no longer possible." The weapons mistress didn't bother turning around to address him as she walked away.

The two flinched at Tenten's statement, but didn't bother pressing on it. Gai's death weighed heavily on everyone, but they couldn't dwell on it much seeing as they were still in the middle of a mission. Even Kakashi, as aloof as he tried to perpetually appear, had spent most of his free time exercising vigorously instead of reading up on his latest semi pornographic sci-fi novel.

Last they checked, he was in his third set of high speed 100 pushups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats, and a 10k run of the day. According to Kakashi, while Gai's training methods had more volume, his had better results in comparison. The reason why Gai was stronger was simply because he spent practically all his time working out to the extremes.

Sasuke broke the silence first. "Ngh. Screw it. This is getting ridiculous."

"What are you doing?" Sakura leered at him warily as he walked to their incognizant friend and, with a flick of his wrist, looped a few spools of wire around the floating teen's belt.

Testing to make sure that everything was secure, Sasuke tugged lightly from the wire on his end and pulled the floating blonde effortlessly. "Naruto and I need to have a small talk."

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Not into dudes. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"Don't push me. You know I'll electrocute you and would enjoy every second of it." The Uchiha didn't even bother looking annoyed. He had expected Naruto to say something stupid like that eventually.

"Sasuke, I'm going to be annoyed if I have to spend even more time putting him back together after you get back." Sakura glared at her boyfriend. "Fixing his arms is enough of a pain as it is."

"I'll try to remember that." He shook his head and pretended to ignore the fact that she was giving him the death glare as he walked out of the camp, dragging his friend behind effortlessly. He already knew just how much of a headache it was for Sakura to try and heal Naruto from their few times alone in private. It wasn't much of a surprise really. As skilled of a medic as Sakura was, Naruto's ability to get himself in uniquely absurd situations remained unmatched.

"Ah. Sasuke. Where are you going with Naruto?"

"DOOM. DOOM. DOOM. DOOM. DOOM."

Sasuke could feel the capital letters in Naruto's mantra this time as Hinata appeared from seemingly nothing right behind them. He didn't know why, but he could instinctively feel absolute terror as the currently shy and demure girl came into view, pressing her fingers together. Behind that image was something unholy that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

"Gotta talk with the idiot in private." He used his willpower to keep as much of a neutral face as possible, even if he had a mask like Kakashi's on. Hinata had long since been able to read him like a book if he wasn't careful.

"O-oh. Is it important?" To most people she would have conveyed the perfect image of innocence, however Sasuke could feel deep down that if he didn't answer her correctly then something unbecoming could possibly be unleashed.

"Mmm. Things that we've decided to put off till he got back. Private things."

"Y-you mean…" The girl's face began to grow scarlet. "B-but, wouldn't Sakura then want to-"

"Not those things!" He snapped, knowing exactly what Hinata was talking about. He rarely ever acknowledged the existence of his girlfriend's secret pleasures and had no intention of informing Naruto of any of them. He didn't know if the idiot would enforce her dreams just to mess with everyone, or avoid a group meeting of team 7 ever again out of pure nonsensical fear for his butthole. "Like I said, they're important. Private. Clan based."

Hinata's eyes widened in surprise and her color paled to its normal hue almost instantly. As they were both scions of their respective clans, they both knew how vital privacy and security were when it came to their secrets. Delving any further could even be considered a deep and scathing insult to many. Even though Sasuke was the "only" loyal member of Uchiha blood left in Konoha, technically preventing his family from having clan status, it didn't change the fact that he still was in possession of their secrets.

The fact that Naruto was privy to them even though he wasn't a member of the clan wasn't even a factor to her. Konoha-nins had long guessed the blonde probably knew many world shaking secrets as the Hokage and could be trusted with them. "O-oh. My mistake. I'll let the others know not to intrude."

"Mm." Sasuke turned to the forest and quickly used a shunshin as soon as he was outside of the camp. It was standard practice for shinobi to never use the technique inside camp to prevent any accidents from happening.

Several moments later, Naruto and Sasuke materialized in the middle of a small clearing a kilometer away.

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"No kidding." Sasuke shook his head and breathed out in relief. "Better you than me."

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Fuck you. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

He didn't bother to respond to the insult as he untied the wires he used to drag his floating friend with a flick of his wrist. "You can return to reality now. You know that Hinata wouldn't spy on us if we're talking clan business."

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

Giving into his urge, the Uchiha rolled his eyes and with speed that few would be able to notice threw several kunai coated in fire at the blonde's vitals.

The weapons' trajectories curved ever slightly as soon as they left his hands, and ended up impaling the ground past the seemingly unaware Naruto and nothing else.

Sasuke, undaunted, channeled lightning chakra into the wires attached to the hilts of the knives. Bolts of electricity arced between the lines and raced to Naruto… only they arced around the intended target as if he was generating his own natural force field.

It didn't seem to surprise the attacker though. If anything, Sasuke seemed satisfied that Naruto could brush off the attempts on his life seemingly without even noticing in the first place. No ninjutsu or dodging was needed. Hell he didn't even feel a spike in chakra.

Another flick of the wrist pulled back the tools with ease. He didn't bother using them to attack Naruto seeing as they'd probably be blown off course in the process and he'd be forced to untangle the mess afterwards.

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

He sighed and relaxed his stance in a way very much like Kakashi. "Hard way it is then."

Crimson eyes stood out from reality, preying on all that entered its gaze. These were by definition the ideal hunting tools. Once locked onto a target, no lie, no illusion, no defense could hide or protect the target. One could compare its gaze to the thrust of the perfect spear, puncturing through everything between it and the intended.

A crimson and white light lance spawned from Sasuke's hand, extending instantly to spear Naruto's heart…

The sky stirred.

… Only to meet Naruto's open right hand, where it stopped as if meeting an impenetrable wall. Fire and lightning leaked from between his clawed fingers, but failed to burn or shock.

"You have my attention."

Sasuke smirked at the look and tone that Naruto was giving him. Sharp blue slit eyes that were glaring at his crimson. Annoyed, yet still giving him his full focus.

"Bare handed? Are you trying to make me look bad?" Sasuke couldn't help but let some banter leak out. It had been far too long since they had gone toe to toe, even in a spar. He didn't let up on his Blaze Spear though. If anything, he increased the chakra output now that his friend was lucid once more.

The jutsu was now burning with such an intensity that nothing short of a Kaiten or another high grade technique could properly stop it, and here it was being held back by a hand and some raw power.

Naruto's lips twitched in amusement as he pushed back against the spear in turn. The chakra between his fingers thrashing about even more wildly now. "No. If I was trying, I'd do this."

The sky contorted and twisted its weight for but a moment. An impossibly large space and mass moving in such a way was nonsense to the living, but merely another mild event for the infinite ambient.

The blonde's hand squeezed on the chakra construct tightly, until after a few moments something gave and he clenched it into a fist. In turn, the spear of fire and lightning chakra literally shattered as its existence couldn't handle the pressure imposed on it and its power flew in every direction.

Sasuke flinched and pulled his limb back just as his technique broke where he was. He didn't bother to look to know where the ambient chakra had touched land or tree, leaving burns whenever they had landed. Instead he just clenched and opened his hand as if making sure it was still there, sporadically channeling lightning and fire chakra at random intervals to make sure nothing was wrong.

"… I'm calling bullshit."

"Presence." Naruto shrugged as if it was a perfectly reasonable excuse for what he did. "You'll figure it out soon enough. You're smart like that. 'Sides, you weren't putting in much of an effort in the first place. You already managed to use two elements simultaneously through one limb."

Sasuke shook his head and flexed his hand to make sure that he wasn't experiencing any side effects from what just happened. It wasn't uncommon for overwhelming techniques to cause feedback in the user's chakra system if used without care. If anything he was more amused that Naruto had caught onto his little trick so quickly. Few actually realized just how difficult it was to accomplish something like that. "Humph. All the genius in the world wouldn't be able to stop or make sense of the shit that pops up whenever you're around."

"Not for a lack of trying I hope." The blonde pouted and looked to his own steaming right hand and shook it a few times to get some feeling back into it. He might not have been burned, but stopping electrical shocks when in direct contact with a strong enough source was still a bit difficult to completely shrug off. His wind element had mitigated most of it, but Sasuke's fire element had enabled the construct to get through most of that in the first place. The only reason why he had managed to defend himself so easily was because his Presence was just so much stronger and he knew how to use it.

"Hahaha." Chuckling, Sasuke closed his eyes. He was tempted to continue keep on attacking Naruto. Sealed up and with two crippled limbs, the blonde was still able to literally break ninjutsu with his bare hands. If he wasn't able to at least push Naruto to his limits in this state, then something was clearly wrong…

… But he didn't. There was a time and a place for everything and now wasn't it. Not with their current mission and Gai's death. Besides, he really did need to talk to Naruto about some things.

Opening his eyes once more, Sasuke revealed his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan.

In an instant, the sky was flooded with chakra to the point that he could barely make out anything save for the blurred images of hundreds of wind blades that manifested just as quickly all around him.

He couldn't move due to the air pressure around him instantly making him feel as if he was in an ocean of thick mud. It was impossible to use a replacement or other jutsu to get out of the deathtrap that he had let himself in.

"So Sakura and Kakashi were telling the truth. You lot came from an alternate timeline." His tone was cool and even, but inside he couldn't help but shiver at the scale and speed of Naruto's reaction. The only way he'd be able to survive the instantaneous onslaught that was just barely being held back was by using Susanoo, and he was still barely getting used to that horrifically draining technique.

Naruto, on the other side of things, allowed himself to breathe once more and regain his pulse. He had moved on pure reflex after seeing those absurd eyes once again, and had barely managed to prevent Sasuke from being turned into chopped meat. As if his return to his home world wouldn't have been eventful enough.

"Heh. Guess I deserved this much. Should have figured that I wouldn't be the only one trying to be broken in record time during the break." He shook his head in mild amusement and allowed his control over the air to ebb away. The irony that he was the one that was pranked and shocked to high holy hell was not lost on him. "So did they just tell you, or is this something you wanted to save for better results?"

"Around the time Itachi got a month break and we fixed the game more in our favor." Sasuke smirked and allowed his eyes to return to their normal coal black. "I'm still a bit pissed that you let my brother in the loop before me."

That was a bit of an understatement, although that was partially due to the fact that he had gotten his original mangekyo shortly before the operation. While his eyes were ideal for dealing with illusions, they didn't work well against good acting, futuristic cloning technology, and Oogakari shenanigans.

He had reduced the clone corpse of Naruto to ash with Amaterasu shortly after he had attempted to immolate Scabbard and Shadow. Assholes had the nerve to start throwing confetti around him in the hospital room he and the euthanized body were shouting how he was "Punk'd" or was on "Candid Camera" or some other stupid sounding show.

He would admit that he did enjoy shoving the molten remains of their video camera down Shadow's throat though.

"Please, you trust your brother more than yourself. You'd have done the same thing." Naruto's argument was true and they both knew it. Sasuke was young and inexperienced while Itachi had full control over his emotions and had been keeping secrets for years. The choice was understandable, if painful. "So, how much do you know?"

"Bottom line? You were an idiot of unparalleled scale. I was a selfish gullible prick with a power hunger boner. Everyone else our age was pretty much useless fodder except Gaara, Lee, and Shikamaru. Akatsuki won, and the Oogakari are apparently supreme gods that are supremely bigger assholes that are treating our misery and lives like one big show."

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up." Naruto nodded in agreement.

"You're really thinking of trying bring back my other self?" Sasuke tried to sound unconcerned, but neither of them were fooled by it.

"Gai's dead and Akatsuki knows how to use Presence." The blonde shrugged and scratched his head in frustration. "We needed as many things in our favor as possible. Your old self knows shit that we still don't, even if you are still strong. Base and asset locations. Bank accounts. Plans. Backup plans. People. Jutsu. He's a tactical information goldmine."

Sasuke didn't miss that Naruto was referring to him and his other self as different people. Two completely separate individuals. "But from what I've heard, he's a psychotic, mass-murdering bastard."

Naruto's lips twitched in bitter amusement. "A complete moron. Comparable to my old self in a way. Plus, he's totally gay."

"Oi. I'm being serious here."

"So am I. After getting Orochimaru's cursed hickey, you left and spent three years with the pedophile that wanted to be inside you, letting him do things with said body the entire time. You ended up looking, walking, and dressing like a stripper when we saw each other." Naruto's grin widened.

"Powerhungry to the point of doing stupid shit I understand, but I draw the line on the stripper bit." Sasuke frowned. He refused to believe that he'd sink to such lows for power, even if he was a spoiled brat hellbent on killing Itachi no matter what the cost.

Instead of saying anything, Naruto merely transformed into Sasuke when they first met in Orochimaru's base.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… There's no way that I wore my shirt open like that in public."

"Purple belt and all. If the situation wasn't so serious at the time, I'd have to resist the urge to slip a few ryo into your clothes just to see if you'd dance for me." The lookalike smirked in a condescending fashion that would be right at home on many Uchiha faces. His hands grabbed onto the ridiculously large and pointless looking purple rope around his waist and shifted his hips around flamboyantly. "Like what you see?"

… If he ever met his counterpart face to face, he'd smother the fucker for being such an idiot. No wonder Naruto would never stop questioning his sexual orientation. "We will never speak of this again. You will never tell anyone of it or bring it up in conversation. Name your price."

"I'll settle for an IOU for now. A nice, big, fat, juicy IOU." With a flicker of chakra, the questionably homosexual Sasuke returned to being the certainly insane Naruto.

The original Uchiha's eyebrow twitched. He hated writing out blank checks to anybody, and Naruto was one of the worst since you never had any idea what the hell he would write on them. Unfortunately there was little he could do about it for now. "Oh joy."

"What? I have to go into politics sooner or later given who dear old mommy and daddy are and who I hang with. Gotta start somewhere." Naruto shrugged casually.

That was an understatement if anything. Naruto was more or less the scion of both the Uzumaki and Namikaze lines, and the son of a Kage. He was best friends with one of the last Uchiha. His girlfriend was the heiress of the Hyuuga. And nearly every one of his friends was either going to hold some major political position or was bound to end up as a high ranking member of the military due to their sheer ability. The blonde pretty much had an entire generation's worth of political connections at his beck and call and most people ignored it simply because he was a complete jackass most of the time…

…. But he wasn't stupid. No, he knew exactly where he was, what he was, and what options were available to him. It wouldn't be far off to say that he could literally turn Konoha on its head with a few carefully selected words and actions even now despite technically being just another piece on the board as far as most politicians were concerned.

Naruto could easily be the next Hokage if he wanted to. That wasn't even up for debate.

But would he be Hokage? The more he watched and observed his best friend, the more he learned, the more he felt that giving the title to Naruto would be a waste.

Not because Naruto wasn't worth the title, but the opposite. It was almost as if Naruto was overqualified. Experience wise, he was still lacking in terms of management and politics and the like, but those were easy enough to compensate for.

The problem was that Naruto had power. Charisma. Both in absurd amounts. He simply thought differently than other people and still made sense when it mattered. The connection he had with the world was already something that only a handful of others could even comprehend, let alone obtain. He could think of the consequences of people actions in terms of the big picture, on a global scale, and actually understand what was really at stake.

When he spoke seriously, people listened and took his words to heart. Not because he was a leader, but because he was someone worth listening to.

Wasting that talent on mere politics and village problems left a bad taste in the Uchiha's mouth. It was a borderline treasonous idea, but it was what he felt to be the truth.

"The day you start politics is the day the end begins." Sasuke kept his excess thoughts to himself. Partially to prevent Naruto's head from getting bigger, and partially because he still wasn't sure where he was on the subject himself.

"And the masses will watch in awe. With 3d glasses and overpriced popcorn." Naruto nodded with certainty.

"Please. Only the desperate actually go for 3d." He played along in good humor.

"Which is everyone. That's just how awesome I am. Everyone NEEDS my greatness. It's what keeps the planet spinning." The blonde puffed his chest out in pride.

"You wish." His smirk ebbed a bit. "… Where do we go from here?"

Naruto's slowly died as well. "Home first. Don't know if Kakashi and Sakura told you yet, but Shion remembers the past timeline due to her powers. It's caught all of us off guard. We have to keep an eye on her now, whether we like it or not, and due to her position we need a damn good reason to keep her in Konoha for the long haul because, again, Politics."

Sasuke nodded, knowing that he'd probably do the same. From what he's heard, killing Shion to keep her quiet wouldn't even be an option since she'd just go back in time and warn herself. "And Akatsuki?"

"They have the Rokubi, but haven't had much luck since then as far as biju are concerned." The holder of the Kyubi rolled back his sleeves on his left arm, past the casting to show the tattoos that represented his connection to every other jinchuriki. All still black. All still alive. "Problem is as you know, the one eyed prick managed to rip the secrets of Presence out of someone's head and can stick it into the minds of the others. What happened to Gai was just a test. A freak accident test, but a test. The others won't be nearly as bad, but they'll still be stronger than we planned."

"We'll be stronger Presence wise, but they are still better in every other way." Sasuke shook his head. "Figures."

"Originally we had set things up so that we'd be playing the defensive game against them. Luring them into traps and fights on our territory. The more chaos they made, the easier it would be for all the major nations to work together for once and the easier it would be to deal with the aftermath later. Then when they or we had lost enough ground, Itachi would meet up with Nagato, the Rinnegan wielder, and bring him and Konan into the fold for a finishing blow and disrupt the enemy's powerbase. Problem is I don't think we can afford to sit back and wait much longer."

Silently, Naruto was grateful that Itachi really was on their side, and that he had been so horrifically crippled previously.

The idea of going up against a serious, fully healed Itachi with perfect vision and the Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan. No. Just, just, no.

"They're going to be too strong." Sasuke nodded in understanding. "If we let them go for too long, they're going to cause so many problems that when all the big names get together, they're going to start focusing more on who to blame for not handling the situation sooner."

"The downside of responsibility and power." Naruto grinned and shook his head.

"You're thinking of striking right at their headquarters. In Ame." He knew Naruto far too well for his own liking. It was the sort of absurdly suicidal and destructive play he'd do in this situation to throw everyone for a loop. That was a dangerous move for all sorts of reasons. Worst case scenario, even if they succeed in destroying Akatsuki, the outside world that didn't know the organization's plans would think of it as an act of war or aggression.

"If Nagato is brought back, he'd be able to mitigate most of the fallout since he is in charge of Amegakure. Plus he and Konan rarely ever go out into the field, so few would ever recognize them as a part of Akatsuki or accuse them of international war crimes so long as they don't announce it to anyone. Plus Itachi that's three down in one go, plus more if we can take out some of the others in the chaos."

"But not all of them." Sasuke knew better than to assume it would answer their problems.

"The fucker can teleport. The grass stain can move through plants and earth as easily as we can with air. And, because of a thousand different fucked up reasons, only team Gai can kill off Hidan now." Naruto grimaced. "Really, it's those three that I'm worried about the most."

"I can understand the prick and the priest, but why the plant?" Sasuke frowned. Of all the members of Akatsuki, they had the least information on him.

"He… I don't know. Last time I had used Sage Mode and the few times I encountered him I got this weird feeling. Something off. Not exactly human, more akin to pure nature but that wasn't it either. Husk like. There were a ton of pure white versions of him running all over the place in the final fight causing problems like I would if I spammed clones, but they were weak. Chunin level at best. Still they were just… weird." Naruto grimaced as he tried to recall memories that were nearly five years back for him, if not longer. For some reason he felt as if he knew a lot more on the mystery shinobi that should be obvious, but for the life of him he didn't know what it was.

"I agree. The fake husks are concerning." Both humans blinked in surprise as Kurama materialized next to his container.

"You have something to add?" Sasuke rose a skeptical eyebrow, quickly recovering. After seeing the monster in the land of Moon, he had quickly obtained a thick skin to anything fox related for the near future.

"I also had the same feeling from those imitations. They are unnaturally familiar to me. They're the product of something old, like myself. Beyond mere centuries. I'm unable to give you a full description, but I can tell you that what you fought then weren't clones, but remains." The fox closed his eyes in thought. "Naruto's description of them being like husks is more accurate than you'd think. If I'd compare them to anything, they are less like plants and more akin to fungus in the shape of what it had fed on."

"Why haven't you brought this up before then?" Sasuke pressed. "If this is so important, wouldn't you have told everyone else by now? It's been years since you supposedly been brought back."

"Don't put my interests on the same level as yours, human. Akatsuki may have won last time, but that does not mean that I was particularly inclined to participate in your childish brain trusts. I never willingly interacted with your kind then, and it was only recently that Naruto proved his worth to me, and in turn gave me reason to actively help." The beast growled dangerously at the Uchiha. "Regardless, even then, the husk has rarely been the topic of conversation in the few conversations we did have. The times where my observations would actually matter were few and far in between."

"Fungus?" Naruto frowned in thought, ignoring the two pairs of crimson eyes glare at one another maliciously. "… Shit. No wonder they can move so easily. More than half of the landmass of the world is part of an interlocking network of underground fungi. If they can tap into it..."

"Wait, Naruto. If they aren't clones, then what the fox said about them being empty shells…" Sasuke's face gradually paled as he put the pieces together. Husks in the shape of humans. The things that Naruto had fought had once been people. Akatuski had been turning innocents into weapons.

Stormy cerulean eyes turned cold. "… He also said that they are the result of something old. For all we know, these things might have been made before any of this had started in the first place. But that also means that we don't know how many they have on hand or if they can make more. Taking scores of innocent people from Ame just to make a few extra forces is against what Nagato stands for. He only sacrifices others when it's to prove a point, not to simply gain power or bolster his forces. It's not like him to make such sacrifices. Even then, we'd have heard of that many people simply vanishing over the years from our spies if that was the case. Since we haven't, then either the plant fucker had them on hand a long time ago or they're tapping into some population outside the continent. Realistically, my money's on the former. But that can't be all to him. It can't be that simple."

"Looks like we might need that five village army after all knowing our luck." Sasuke grimaced. Inwardly he was somewhat impressed that his friend managed to decipher that much information from what little they had learned so quickly. He'd be able to do it too in time, but connecting absurd dots like this was almost akin to breathing for Naruto. "Huh. At least it wouldn't be much of a problem for you. With War Scars you could probably take them all out at once, right?"

He waited for his friend to respond, but after a few seconds of silence, Sasuke focused on his friend again. "Naruto?"

"A freaking army that can travel wherever they want with ease, and with more powers that we don't know about. Ha. Haha."

Something was wrong. The way his eyes were dialated, staring at nothing while darting left and right. The way his lips were forming a smiling. Body language. Breathing. Speech patterns. All were wrong.

"Stupid. We've been so stupid. We're supposed to be shinobi but we missed something so fucking obvious. Hahaha."

"Naruto. What's wrong?" Sasuke stepped forward. This wasn't like his previous freak outs. This wasn't one that was induced by childish fears and selfish senses of self-preservation. This was a hysteria induced physical reaction. Something that most people suffering from PTSD went through.

"Wonderful. And here I thought we had managed to get him past those meaningless reactions." The fox didn't seem the least bit perturbed as he reached out with his lone tail and grabbed onto the teen's leg. A single pulse of chakra flooded his system, shocking him out of his momentary lapse. "Calm yourself idiot. You're letting your subconscious get the better of you again."

"Ngh." The blonde clenched in pain, grasping at his head with his good arm and roughly landing back on the ground again. It was the first time since this morning that he had touched the ground.

"Oi. What was that all about?" Sasuke glared at the fox. Naruto he trusted. The Kyubi, not so much.

"I thought you already knew all about the fool's mind. His overactive imagination combined with what he's been through is not a pleasant combination. More so now that he's back in a place where his actions and the actions of others actually matter to him. He ran away for a reason, remember? He wanted to be home and relax for once." The beast yawned, as if the subject didn't bother him in the slightest. "Not that I see what the issue is. Even sealed, he's strong enough to stand alongside me as an equal. He should just destroy Amegakure while everyone is distracted and be done with the lot of those fools."

Destroy Amegakure? Had he heard the fox right? His eyes were ideal, but Sasuke was certain that there was nothing wrong with his ears. Naruto was powerful, everyone acknowledged that, but to actually wipe out an entire hidden village in a single go?

Then again, if he unleashed the Kyubi...

"Oi Kurama. You're talking too much again." Naruto grunted, his face twisted in half pain half annoyance.

"Humph." The beast closed his eyes in mild disapproval before slowly loosing form and retracting back into his host. "Why you still allow yourself to still be influenced by the social ways of man I doubt I'll never know."

"Mouthy furball." While he appeared to feel better, Naruto still seemed to be exhausted by his episode. His eyes held a tired appearance and his posture lacked his previous energy.

"Care to share?" Sasuke frowned, his tone clearly indicating that he wouldn't tolerate a brushoff.

"I'm fucked up. Remember?" Naruto smiled weakly before sighing. "Sometimes I get worked up over things and have trouble slowing down."

"You might want to tone down your caring and bleeding heart a bit." Normally it was the blonde that tried to lighten the mood. Sasuke felt out of place with their roles reversed.

"At least I'm not spewing out bullshit about the power of friendship and love." Naruto grumbled, reminiscing on just how many of those freaks he had absolutely destroyed over the past few years. No wonder Scab hated them with a burning passion.

"Anymore." Sasuke smirked.

"… I'm going to kill Kakashi." He meant it too.

"Do it after we deal with Akatsuki. Something tells me you'd like to use him as a meat shield." Not that it would do Naruto any good. Sasuke had already called dibs on using the scarecrow as one way back when they were genin. Sakura, their team's keeper of declarations, has it in writing in a secure location.

"So about the fungus men freaking you out?"

Naruto remained quiet for a few moments as he gathered his thoughts. "… At the end last time. We sent messages to all of the other major villages for help to deal with Akatsuki. Extreme emergency requests. The kind that would instantly catch the attention of all the big shots of the nations and make rounds. But in the end only Suna came. We didn't get any messages back from any of the other major villages. Gaara told us when he arrived that his Daimyo was against involving his country in an operation that would drain its power and economy. Went as far as to denounce him as Kazekage and label him a criminal of the nation if he went against orders with a punishment of execution, but the Daimyo was a fat fuck that nobody liked. Everyone in the land of wind liked Gaara more than him by then, so when Gaara obviously brushed him off, Suna followed suit instantly."

"That probably would have caused a bit of a stir had things gone well during the aftermath." Sasuke mused before pausing. "Wait, you don't mean to say that…"

"Yeah." Naruto's face darkened. "Hypothetically. What if there was another reason why the fatass was so opposed to helping us? What if he was being threatened, put under an illusion, drugged, or even in a worst case scenario, replaced without anyone knowing? What if all the Daimyo were?"

"… Shit."

o. o. o.

Rules are interesting things.

Most were made to pacify people, to maintain a status quo.

Some were worthless, like ones made between idiots that couldn't possibly work.

Some were made simply because they were efficient. Following them yielded the best results for everyone.

Some were made to protect. Obviously, actions that caused reckless damage to the masses were to be condoned.

Some were made to benefit one group of individuals over another. Sometimes they were made with good intentions. Sometimes they were made with logical reasoning behind them. Sometimes they were just made by assholes that wanted to benefit themselves at the expense of others.

Some were made on beliefs and religion. Social stigmas and norms that they followed based on superstition, peer pressure, and frequently, an inability to accept standards that were not the ones one was raised with due to irrational fear and ignorance.

There were the rules of nature. Fickle things that were absolute above all else, but malleable and flexible at the same time. Loopholes were available for all to exploit. Only knowledge and resourcefulness were needed to unlock their secrets.

And then of course, were the ones made simply out of necessity. The ones that, if not followed, would ensure the misfortune of, if not the breaker, others at the very least.

A funny thing about rules though, was that they could be, and frequently were broken.

Another funny thing about rules, those with power in one way or another frequently were able to skirt more of them without repercussions whether because they had the means to avoid the damages, or that said damages didn't hurt them as much in the first place.

Scab hated and loved rules to the highest plateau of existence.

He enjoyed and thrived on exploiting them to their fullest.

However, they always seemed to work against him at the worst possible moments.

Like right now.

"Distance, 34.5634 kilometers. I suppose that's far enough." He muttered to himself if he sat on top of a small mountain in the land of Earth. His eyes were closed, but he still had a perfect satellite view of the base where Hana and Anko were being held thanks to the mental connection he had within it.

The immortal was many things, but he was not suited for subtle operations like this. His innate raw power made him stick out like a discharged thermonuclear warhead to the least experienced of sensors, and he had always been terrible at sneaking around locations undetected. He hated hiding with a passion. It was so much easier to simply blend in with the crowd or simply dominate everything around him with his intelligence if his presence was needed.

Unfortunately he couldn't ask his siblings for help. True, he was bound to probably be horrifically beaten if not murdered for what he had done, but time was of the essence and unfortunately they had a hand tied behind their backs.

The world couldn't handle any of them using their Presences for a while. Not on the scale they would have preferred at least.

After that idiot god and Crypt had their little scuffle, the planet had no doubt reacted in kind, unnerved by the foreign powers that were playing too roughly on its surface. If any of them got out of hand now, it was likely that the shinobi nations would have far more than just Akatsuki to worry about…

… Granted, normally that would have been something that his family would have enjoyed watching. Unfortunately, normally they didn't have students that they liked and Ghost didn't have two women that he had fallen in genuine love with.

"Fucking Nichole." He allowed the rare curse to escape his lips, allowing himself to fall back on old habits. When in doubt, blame the bitch that had been Ghost's first wife. It still astounded him that a woman with next to no power of worth had managed to be the direct cause of so many problems in the multiverse.

It was a pointless action seeing as she was long since dead and gone, but it still gave him satisfaction to demean her name whenever possible. As far as he was concerned, the sadistic woman was in one way or another connected to everything wrong in his life.

That and he still held a grudge against her for being partially responsible for his traumatic experience with the fangirl hoards.

From his calculations, he was well out of range of all but the most experienced and talented sensors. Iwagakure, much like any other major village, had a share of their own, but they tended to sense either raw chakra or movements through the ground.

He'd have to be subtle, quiet and patient. Things that he was frequently not when on the clock. Forcing his power into the ground below, he began to convert the soil into metal at an absurd pace going straight down. As talented as shinobi were at times, they could be remarkably short sighted and foolish at times.

Most Iwa military bases were well protected on many fronts, but they tended to be terribly weak from directly below. It wasn't completely their fault for this. Said bases tended to be carved out of hard, rough earth and stone. Terrain that made it nearly impossible for other villages to sneak through without using up a ton of chakra and being noticed by sensors or locals that had been raised in places like this. As far as oversights went, it was a pretty negligible one in most cases.

He casually sat on a small boulder facing the base that was too far away for the normal human eye to see. Above ground there was nothing particularly interesting taking place.

Down. Down. Down.

The ten centimeter thick pole of unknown metals extended down into the earth's crust at blinding speeds. One kilometer. Two. Four. Eight. Fifteen.

Fifteen was deep enough to escape detection. The world record for the deepest a shinobi managed to go underground and survive was twelve, but he had a particular disposition that enabled him to stay underground for long periods of time.

Almost instantly after the desired depth was reached, the metal then proceeded to extend at a ninety degree angle towards the target over thirty kilometers away at an even faster rate.

Within two minutes, the single construct's end had made it directly below the base.

"Tch." Scab hated it when he couldn't use his Presence in reasonable amounts. His control was shit without it.

Although, if he did have access to it, he could have taken a far more direct method of rescuing the girls. He could have easily teleported to the front of the base and shot off a single charge of electrons that would have knocked out every living being in the base at the speed of light before anyone knew he had arrived.

Technically he could have done that now, except he'd fry every living being inside instead of simply stunning them.

Many of his other preferred methods of infiltrating and dealing with the base's populace faced similar issues. The problem was that most shinobi - especially Iwa-nins - had a habit of killing off their prisoners if their back was against the wall or feeling vindictive. This lot was both.

He could tell that the girls were alive. Sensing was not his forte, but the girls were using their Presence constantly to keep themselves safe to some degree. Judging from how weak they felt, the girls must have been using it constantly for days if not weeks. An impressive, if not completely surprising endeavor.

Of course, it should be expected from them. He and his siblings had taken particular effort to make them far stronger than they should be just so Ghost wouldn't have anything to worry about. Together the girls were a force so strong that only a handful of individuals or teams on the planet would even have a hope of taking them out.

Which begged the question for later contemplation, who did it?

He already had a few ideas, and he'd probably have a few words with them later. The project at hand took priority

The tip of the beam he made underground started to move upwards, not "extending" but "converting" the soil it was in contact with such care no vibrations from shifting soil were made in the process. As his reach extended upwards, the single pole became hundreds of wire thin trails like spider silk, reducing the risk of detection, but also restricting the amount of power he could put into them. They extended even slower than he'd like.

At this rate, it would take him half an hour to make it to the-!?

A weight left the planet. A weight that had been nearby.

One of the girls was no longer there.

Fuck subtlety.

The spider strands turned into pillars that speared through the ground at unheard of speeds. Within seconds, entire sections of the base were impaled from below, as pillars broke through the ground level and clawed at the sky like signs of a primal force awakening.

Before the pillars had even stopped moving, Scabbard had deconstructed and reconstructed his body at the speed of light between his end and the nearest gap inside the base to where he estimated the girl that was still alive was.

He was greeted to the image of Deidara and Tobi grabbing onto a dazed Hana, the swirls of a time space Ninjutsu already enveloping them.

The enraged immortal had already pierced them through the chests with his electrons before they had even realized he had arrived, but unfortunately the Uchiha's technique was already in full swing, and the trio vanished moments later…

… As if that would save them.

Ignoring the screams and noises of the base collapsing around him, Scabbard walked briskly to where the technique had taken place and reached out with a hand.

Wonderful. The dimension that the Uchiha used was partially bound and generated by his soul. Spiritual realities were a pain to delve into with technology, and would take too long in this situation.

He'd have to take a cruder path and take a page out of Waltz's book. It was fortunate that he had given up on not using Presence anymore.

o. o. o.

"Where the hell did he come from?!" Deidara grimaced as he examined his wound and coughed out blood. He had been pierced on his right side, so it wasn't immediately lethal, but if he didn't get treatment soon it would be.

"I, don't know." Tobi panted, grasping at his own wound. Thanks to his body modifications the damage was superficial, but it still hurt. "Scary. That guy was scary!"

"That was the same guy as last time. At Orochimaru's base. Un!" The bomber grimaced as he looked back at the dazed Hana. The girl had not been cooperative until Tobi used some genjutsu to put her under his control through eye contact, although it had taken minutes and a shitload of chakra.

After they had removed the shackles on the girl, Deidara had permission to blow up the annoying negotiating civilian that was with Orochimaru's student.

Apparently Pain had a change of mind shortly after the meeting. They just had to take the girls out of the rebel's hands and kill the civilian. After that, it didn't matter how much the rebels despised them, they'd be forced into a corner where they'd have to comply with Akatsuki's plans if they wanted to make it out alive. Whoever the civilian's lucrative backers were, they apparently didn't concern "God" as much as Deidara initially thought.

Of course, that was when everything went to hell and the newcomer arrived like a wrathful demon from below. Whether he had been waiting for them or he had been in the process of getting the girls himself the bomber had no idea.

All they managed to learn for certain before Tobi teleported them to safety was that he hadn't taken kindly to their actions.

The two men smelt the ozone moments before they saw the light.

They felt the unforgiving power and the countless eyes bearing down on them before that.

The Akatsuki members didn't even look before jumping away a short distance from whatever it was that was making all their hairs stand on end.

"Haaaaaaaaaa."

Right where the three had materialized, the tips of fingers had wormed their way through space itself, as if puncturing the fabric of reality and grasping at the air itself. Cracks in the air reminiscent of errant bolts of lightning strayed in every direction, growing longer and wilder as the source increased in size.

"Oi. Oi. What the fuck is that?!" Deidara's visible eye widened in disbelief at what he was seeing. Timespace ninjutsu could do some pretty crazy shit, but he had never imagined anyone who could just tear open literal timespace with their bare hands!

"… Scab?" Hana mumbled in confusion. Her brain was still subsumed by Tobi's genjutsu, but that was not enough to prevent her from recognizing the source of the power flooding the area.

Through the oppressive light that nearly blinded everyone, a head pushed its way through. One would almost call it human save for the almost otherworldly tinge it possessed. His eyes were nothing more than malevolent emerald lights difficult to look at, and his mouth had contorted into a maw with jagged fang like teeth. Every line that framed and marked the head seemed to burn with a fierce emerald light that gave it an alien like appearance.

The eyes were all open and watching. An eldritch plague upon existence spread from the disturbed path, promising knowledge and untold power the likes of which was never known and never meant to be known. It corrupted. It cleansed. It bestowed. It manipulated. It taught. It learned. It ensured. It guided. It controlled. It watched. It craved. It did nothing. It yearned. It cared. It grew. It thrived. It ruled.

It merely was, and it saw.

"You have something that doesn't belong to you."

It was a voice, but not a voice. It was spoken, but the words seemed to be etched in reality and simply understood by others instead of merely being heard. Almost as if what was spoken was too grand, too heavy to be restricted by conventional definitions.

The world that they were in was barren and peculiar. The land consisted of nothing more than stone-like square segments of varying elevations. The sky was black but everything was still perfectly illuminated and visible.

Said world shook as this alien force invaded with rules and authority that didn't belong here.

A bolt of electricity fired off from the hole straight at the bewildered two men. Like a divine judgement, it was an instantaneous phenomenon that no simple flesh and blood being could avoid or dodge.

But this was not the intruder's world, and his target was not just an inhabitant.

Before the attack even went off, one of the square landmasses between the two parties repositioned itself at its master's request… no, it would be more accurate to say that its physical definitions were readjusted in an instant that transcended the lightning, blocking the damage instantly.

"What?" Deidara flinched as he felt the shockwave of the instantaneous attack meet the redefined barrier. He briefly looked back at the only one that could have been responsible for his save.

"Eeeh?" Tobi's childish voice had an eerie calm to it as he held out his left hand and tilted his head to the side almost curiously. "Scary. He's really scary."

"… I see. That eye has not given you a world to utilize. It has bestowed you your world… no. It's bearer's world." The voice mused ominously. "No matter. In the end, a world is merely a world, and your claim on this one is meager."

Without warning, the pillar contorted and writhed like a rotting plant in unfathomable pain. It was difficult to tell if it was glowing with the increase in errant electricity flying everywhere behind the flailing mass…

"More importantly, it is conveniently not a world that matters."

… But the pretty lights quickly fell backseat on their list of priorities when the former stone pillar suddenly spawned emerald eyes and disfigured fanged mouths all over its body.

The unholy screech the monstrosity bellowed was not something that couldn't be put into words. A thousand different voices told a thousand different tales in a thousand different languages, yet they all held the same meaning despite the clear paradox.

Tobi didn't wait for the thing to stop transforming, grabbing Deidara and Hana and shunshining a good distance away, before mentally elevating the box like structures between them to untold heights that not even mountains could surpass while dropping the mutant abomination far down below. That alone would be enough to halt any shinobi.

Scabbard was not a Shinobi.

"Oi. What the hell?" Deidara shivered as his hair began to stand on end. What occupied his attention was not the absurd landscape or the stone pillars stretching into the black sky.

What he focused on was the bright deep emerald light that seemed to somehow crawling around the impossible land formation, illuminating a sky that by definition was as blank and empty as the void.

"Really scary." Tobi muttered again before he and Deidara flinched. Simultaneously, sparks flickered around the holes in their bodies and seemed to try and freeze them from the inside out.

The Uchiha's eye widened in alarm as he felt a minor tug accompany his body's paralysis and acted on instinct.

The platform that they had been on shot down at speeds that should have left its occupants flying just before the mountain sized barrier gave way like a dam to a flood of pure unrestrained power. The only reason why they moved so quickly was because Tobi's world saw them as part of the platform, enabling him to move them as quickly as he could the stone so long as it was within the platform's range.

Using his good arm, Tobi punched a hole through where he had been pierced earlier, determining that the residual energy left over was acting like a tracking beacon. Thankfully his body was abnormal, so the fist-sized hole in it would not be too much trouble to manage in the long run.

It wasn't safe here. Even if they weren't injured he and Deidara were hopelessly outgunned. He had wanted the girls for information, but the Oogakari were far stronger than he thought. Carmen had known what they were. Not immediately, but when she did figure it out she had abandoned everything instantly.

But that spawned even more questions. Hidan's episode didn't spawn such a brutal reaction from these monsters. Just what were these girls to them?

He felt it. The man was still where he had broken through. He appeared to have trouble getting through all the way quickly, but it didn't hamper his ability to completely destroy his inner dimension, his greatest asset, with almost embarrassing ease.

He couldn't hold the girl hostage. He instinctively knew that it was pointless. He could not react faster than the speed of lightning, and his intangibility trick was unusable here. One exposed limb and he was as good as finished.

He couldn't fight. Not here and not in this condition. Embarrassing as it was to lose so easily on his home field, retreat was the only option he had.

It didn't escape his notice that the Oogakari had broken through at the exact point that he teleported in. He was well aware that teleportation left some residual marks on reality shortly after performed. It was how he was able to trail Minato Namikaze when they fought over a decade ago. The lightning user must have used some technique to exploit that weakness to follow them.

But it slowed him down. Kept him in one place…

He wouldn't be able to follow them.

Just as he began to teleport his group away, he spied the flash of emerald lightning arcing down at them at speeds comparable to genuine light. It was only due to his sharingan that he was able to comprehend it in the first place.

Like a judgement from god, the pillar struck with precision and discrimination, spearing through Deidara and Tobi with arcing tendrils of raw power, even as their bodies twisted in the teleportation process, though Hana's body was left alone. The power knew the girl, it would not affect her.

The two men were dead. They were defeated. They were…

"Izanagi."

Gone.

o. o. o.

Scabbard swore as he pulled back from the rift he made and flexed his hands. Forcing his way into other worlds was something he was not built for physically and power-wise, even with Presence. It had taken all of his control to make sure that nothing leaked out back into this world while he was causing mass chaos in Tobi's. The distraction, unfortunately, costed him badly as the worm had managed to escape while using two forbidden techniques at once.

He had still tagged Deidara and Hana though. He'd be able to trace them in this world, and he had managed to set up a beacon in Tobi's so he'd have a faster way in there if things got truly annoying.

He'd have to move quickly. First thing to do was…

…

…

He stopped.

Instead of rushing, he calmly walked through the chaotic base. Fires and screaming were all over the place in great supply. He probably would have been attacked had he been discovered, but that wouldn't be a problem. Not anymore.

They probably wouldn't even know that they had been attacked within the next ten minutes.

It only took him a minute to get to his destination, and possibly the location of his execution.

Facing the collapsed cell where Anko Mitarashi had been held was Ghost. Awake. Aware. And with Sylvia curled up in a ball against the wall behind him.

"Stop. Cold. Numb. Empty. End END. Need to move. Need to see. Can't rest. Dark coming again. Can't turn it. Can't change. Nothing to change. Nothing to see. Gone. It's all gone. A lie. A joke. But it's not funny. It never was funny. Hahaha. Can't laugh, but have to. Funny but not. Why? Nothing's funny. Nothing's nothing, so how? When? Where…" The woman who had once managed to twist and redefine several gods into a mockery of her former self rambled nonsense as she rocked back and forth with wide eyes that didn't register anything around her.

"… You fucked up big this time, brother."

Scabbard swallowed heavily and pretended to ignore the black embers that effortlessly spawned from the ground on the floor, in the air…

… And very, very likely…

o. o. o.

"Guys?" Naruto's eyes dilated to mere dots as he saw the black embers litter the forest like fireflies, eating away at everything that was and had been in miniscule increments, scarring all that encountered them fundamentally.

"Don't be alarmed, but there's a good chance we're all going to die soon."

o. o. o.

Omake: The terror has come, and it wants your butt.

(Youtube the hunting call in this omake. The audio is hilarious)

Sometime in the future:

Naruto and Hinata were walking through Konohagakure. They had a nice evening with minimal chaos, good quality food, and just the right amount of romance.

"Mmm. This is nice." The Princess leaned against her boyfriend happily. The blush on her cheeks indicated that she had drunk a bit more sake than she should have, but it didn't seem to do much other than make her a bit clingy.

"Yeah." Naruto nodded. It was a good night. Clear air. No fighting. People had left him alone. Hinata was nice and calm, grabbing onto his arm, one hand reaching out and grabbing onto his ass wait what?

"You know, I've been looking at your butt for a while." The Hyuuga slurred out with a mix of seduction and hunger.

"Oh ehehehehehehehehe…" Naruto laughed nervously and looked around nervously.

"And I was wondering, if I could have it." Less seduction, more raw hunger.

"Eh, what do you mean? No." The jinchuriki swallowed heavily. He didn't like where this conversation was going. Slowly he moved to push her hand away from his rear

"I mean, like you know." Her smile widened and the hand on his ass tightened slightly to prevent him from brushing it off easily. "Just, just gimme your butt."

"Noooo." He put more effort into pushing her away now, fear now in his voice.

"Gimme that butt." She wasn't polite this time and clenched hard, chakra in her fingers, reaching into his flesh and into folds that he really didn't want her fingers in.

"NOOOOO!" He screamed in reflex, managing to somehow make and replace himself with a clone at the last possible moment. Too many things and individuals of disturbing and questionable origins had already unfortunately attacked his ass over the past few years for him to ever be comfortable with that kind of aggressive foreplay.

"GIMME DAT BUTT!" Hinata roared in a drunken rage, byakugan active and hands glowing malevolently as she popped the unfortunate clone viciously.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto ran away screaming like the bitch he was.

"GIMME DAT BUTT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Nearby, Sasuke, Sakura, Ino and Chouji were on a double date at a restaurant with tables outside.

"GIMME DAT BUTT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Silently, they all watched as Hinata chased a hysterical Naruto without paying them any attention at all.

The four blinked in silence before turning to the boys. "I hope you two have learned your lesson. We could always be worse."

"Understood." Chouji wept as he mourned his friend's fate.

"Mhm." Sasuke nodded absently, already in the process of saving the image of the event with his Sharingan.

"If he ends up in the hospital and ruins my night, I will take pictures, and I will never let him forget." Sakura clenched a fist in annoyance.

"GIMME DAT BUTT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sasuke smirked as he watched Naruto practically fly over the village with Hinata in persuit. "Sakura, as a fellow male I can assure you, he's not going to forget this for a long time."

o. o. o.

Omake 2: How Itachi got time off from Akatsuki, AKA, why Kisame worships Itachi:

During the time skip:

"You want a whole month off so you can what?" Pain's eyes narrowed.

"My brother and I are the last of the Uchiha. He's only just growing into his responsibilities as the clan head." Itachi didn't blink. "It would serve as a great distraction if they were to find that I had children, Uchiha children, around the elemental nations. Konoha's council would be up in arms in a rush attempting to capture and hide their existence from rivals. More so if the children were in rival countries."

Konan had trouble swallowing this. While Itachi did have a point, he was essentially asking for a vacation to pretty much be an international man whore. Messing with international politics was one thing, but she drew the line at using children as bait.

"… Fine." Pain closed his eyes.

"What?" This time she didn't hold back her thoughts.

"What happens to the children is of no concern to our plans. Itachi, I expect a list when you return." Pain shook his head. "You have served Akatsuki faithfully for several years. You do deserve some compensation. Do not take my… generosity, for granted."

With that the meeting ended, and the images in the cave faded.

When Itachi opened his eyes, it was to see Kisame staring at him.

"… You got a month break, to fuck as many women as you want, by telling the boss, you were going to fuck as many women as you want." The Swordsman slowly spoke, almost as if he was trying to convince himself of what happened.

"Your words, not mine." A faint flicker of amusement played on the Uchiha's lips.

"… Words will never express how jealous and humbled I am." Kisame didn't blink. "You are an unparalleled example of the male gender Itachi. Never forget that. I have but one favor."

"Being?" Itachi slowly asked, slowly becoming the most uncomfortable he has been in a long time.

Before he could react, Kisame clenched Itachi's hands in his. "I'd be honored if you'd name me their godfather."

For the first time, Itachi didn't say something because he was genuinely speechless.

On the plus side, he had a new inspiration for traumatizing genjutsu. Puppydog eyes on a great white shark was something no one would ever be prepared for.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Kagaseo for Betaing.

This chapter brought to you by Ford, because I work for them, they pay mah billz, and I get to play with a Tesla Model X because I'm in the battery electric vehicle team.

Itachi, perfectly healthy, with the EMS. Just, let that thought settle in for a moment. Yeah, me too guys, me too.

Ok, onto the important stuff. This and the next chapter are ones that I have been planning for a while. This is pretty much going to be the strongest the Oogakari are going to be in the story. This isn't their max, but more of a way to show just how completely out of scale they are to the canon characters, even with their upgrades.

I can already hear people screaming about Hana and Anko. To that I say, shut up, and keep reading. Don't drop the fic out of frustration before things have even settled down yet.

Speaking of people overreacting… Last chapter.

Ok, here's my rant. Copied from a response I made to another reader's review:

First of all, this is a world where there have been 3 massive wars over the period of 50 years. Bodyguards, murder, espionage, and torture are still in wide use in these militaristic societies. War crimes would, and SHOULD still frequently happen, if not by the main countries (which we know is bull), then by the dozens of other rouge groups that wander all over the place.

Speaking of war crimes. Hyuuga incident. Kumo tried to kidnap a 3 year old girl from her home for her eyes, and very likely as breeding stock. Nuff said there.

As for sex used as torture, allow me to elaborate. First of all, mind fucking is not a common ability. It exists, but it isn't everywhere. A solid tolerance to genjutsu could easily counter most illusions and the like. Likewise, people could be trained to withstand straightup torture. Sex as torture, is just another option that a group could use for many reasons. They're sloppy. They want to relieve some stress. They have some sick ninjutsu that screws with an enemy's mind if the user/victim climaxes (we have tantric rituals in the fate series. you have no argument that the last bit isn't possible).

However, if the subject cracks from not being able to handle sex with another person/people, and said person has vital information about the village... shit will go downhill fast.

As for the training itself, this is a requirement for Jonin, but that does NOT mean that one day Hinata gets nabbed off of the street after being promoted and undergoes training against her will. This is something she signed up for, knowing that it was required for a promotion in rank. Even then, these lessons start off slow. They are not designed to instill a fear of sex or turn the subject's cooch into a cold iron vice.

But "rape being the ultimate evil" idea has always bugged me. It's bad, don't get me wrong. I don't advocate it in the slightest. Sick fucks deserve every beating they get. I'm just saying, in terms of severe crimes, murder is worse. Crippling another person is worse. Mind fucking them into paranoia and dementia is worse. Disfiguring them is worse. Destroying their livelyhood and or home is worse. Stealing everything of value that they possess leaving them without anything that they had worked their whole lives for is worse.

Rape is a terrible thing, but the victims can and do frequently recover from it. Not without effort, but it is very much possible. Full recovery are possible.

You cant get better from being murdered or crippled or loosing literally everything though.

Mind you, if the victim is pregnant, that is a whole nother story, but I hope the idea is getting across.

And many of these things are advocated in the series and this society. In fact, it is often advocated in most fictional series and even the real world as if it isn't a big thing. And things like that annoy the hell out of me.

Sorry for the rant, but yeah, that's my feelings on it. Its a terrible thing, I am making no excuses for it, but in terms of severity, there are just so many crimes that are more damning and permanent.

I'm honestly surprised that I didn't mention Kiri's graduation exam in the email. That was supposed to have been twenty years at most before the start of the series, and it had been accepted, albeit with a lump of salt, then.

Historically speaking, the Naruto world is further behind culturally than ours even before WW1, and there have been many, MANY war crimes made by first world countries since then. Even now there are tons of atrocities that go by uncovered by the media and covered up by the governments.

If anyone has ever talked to people in black ops (I will say no names, and give no stories), then you'd realize that simple rape would be laughable to these guys if it weren't for the fact that they have had far worse things to worry about.

I'm not being cruel to Hinata for the sake of being cruel. I'm merely laying down facts that can be expected from a militaristic society and requirements for those that wish to be in positions with a high danger factor.

Shit happens in these worlds, and Jonin are the best of the best and are supposed to deal with these issues, but they are NOT perfect and they do fail. It's sad but true. The training is just to make sure that each village has their bases covered. Kakashi's done it. Asuma's done it. Kurenai's done it. Hana, Anko, Neji, Sasuke, Sakura, Gai, it's a long list and you don't see any of them bitching about it.

I understand if people don't like my decision to slip in the one fact, something that was merely thrown in for world and character development, but it… annoys me greatly to put it lightly… when people claim that "the governments wouldn't allow that" or "it's not realistic or needed", when they are fully accept scenes where tons of people die in droves for stupid reasons.

Bottom line, I hate puritan social norms with a burning passion. It makes people stupid, hypocritical, and have unrealistic expectations.

And for fucks sake, I'm not making it a bloody thing in the story where everyone broods about being violated like that. Go read twilight if you want shit like that.

Comedy, chaos, and epic fights are still the prime rules here, but I am NOT going to ignore plot and world building just to be politically correct. Doing so would only degrade the quality of everything.

Ok. Ranting over.

So, Ghost is going nuts, and the world is feeling it.

This right here, is how the post timeskip plot really starts and gets thrown into a mess. I've stated on multiple occasions that the Oogakari don't go truly overboard on purpose, and after next chapter (or next, depends on how it turns out), everyone's going to see why.

On a side note, Naruto's time of fame is coming sooner than you'd think. The setup is already taking place and it's going to be interesting.

Sasuke has the EMS, and so does Itachi, so, major fun is going to happen there.

Hinata's scary is proportional to her held back horniness, so… yeah, clones are coming into play at some point or else his dick's going to fall off.

Also, I gave Tobi an almost Reality Marble level control over his MS world because… well, it just felt weird that he had an entire world he didn't have any particular advantage in it in person. Hell, he's technically weaker there since he can't do his intangibility trick or fire off what he stored in there like missiles 'cause he's already inside. It's a rather simple ability, but suitably broken for the guy that's in charge of Akatsuki.

And… that's all I have off the top of my head. Going to brush up on my Dark Souls 2 before 3 comes out soon.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! GHOST IS PISSED OH SHIT! AND REVIEW AGAIN!