Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

26. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five: Things might happen. They might not. Why are you still reading this? The story's down there.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

The world gradually came into focus.

The aches and pains of her body and mind came long before that.

"Ngh." Shion groaned, wincing as she realized how much her head hurt.

As if experiencing this once wasn't bad enough. Twice within the span of a month, at least for her, seemed to only magnify the discomfort. She didn't feel nearly as ravaged the last time she woke up in this event.

"Shion-sama. You're awake. Thank the gods." Taruho sighed in relief from a short distance away.

She didn't remember her faithful attendant being this worried either. She opened her mouth to speak, but paused when she realized how dry her mouth was. "Taruho? Was I out for long?"

"It's been five days. Hold on. I will get some water." His answer surprised her. Five days? She had barely been out for one the last time.

"F-Five?"

"Yes. Much has happened since then. You did not take well to that cursed black flame that appeared everywhere, and… well you developed a condition that we will have to speak about later."

Condition? Shion looked around warily to see that she was in her carriage and was being moved at what felt like a normal pace. She had been laid out on one of the seats and made as comfortable as possible with many blankets and cushions around her.

A quick check of her body ensured that she was still all there. Her arms and legs were cramped, but otherwise fine. She didn't feel any real discomfort other than a numbness in her skull that came from gazing into the…

No. Best not think about such things. The less she had to do with that, the better.

Gratefully taking a small container of water and wetting her mouth, she sighed in relief as one of her discomforts was tended to. "We are still moving to Konoha?"

"Yes. We stopped for a day and a half due to your condition, but the Shinobi urged us to move after that lest we risk your safety by staying in wild territory. Our pace is faster than normal to make up for lost time, but we should still make it there ahead of schedule if we keep it up. Little more than half a week at this rate."

"Half a week." Even with the two days lost, that was still much sooner than last time. Perhaps they'd make it before word of Iwa's fall made it to Konoha… speaking of which. "What of our guard? Are they still with us?"

Sitting across from her, Taruho shifted uncomfortably. "Yes. They are doing their job admirably, but there have been some… events."

She pretended to look surprised. "Events?"

"Seeing as you had a vision during the black fire incident, I doubt that you will be shocked by some of them." He started. "Uzumaki was clearly distressed by what you told him and left two days ago. But shortly after that… there was an unforeseen complication with Yamanaka-san."

"Yamanaka?" Shion was genuinely surprised. Nothing had happened to Ino in the previous timeline.

"She, she tried to go into your mind while you rested." Taruho relented. "A short time after the attempt, she began to scream and writhe in pain. A seal was found on the back of her head, but it was burned out before anyone could have a good look at it. When she came to, she claimed that she did not remember or intend of ever examining you. More than that, she became further distressed when she examined herself and determined that someone else's chakra was in her. The shinobi have been rather on guard ever since."

This… this was unprecedented. Shion was more than accustomed to the butterfly effect. She had on more than one occasion set into motion enormous changes with a few minor actions or words here or there. But this was different. She had intended for Naruto to do something with the information that she had given him, but Ino's actions were completely unpredicted.

"Should we be concerned? Are we being followed?"

"The Shinobi have widened their search range since the incident. There were signs of us being tracked a good distance away but they seemed to have abandoned the effort. Perhaps because they were exposed." Taruho sighed. "Whoever it was seemed to be adept at leaving as little as possible behind. We do not know the nature or identities of our tails, only that they are probably no longer here."

Shion shivered, taking another sip of water. They had been followed the entire time? That meant… that meant that they were there the last time too. But they didn't do anything then, so what changed?

The answer came sooner than she thought, and she didn't like it.

Naruto. They had been after Naruto. Other than her longer period of unconsciousness, the Jinchuriki's leave was the only major difference between this timeline and the last as far as their group was concerned.

So… what did that mean? Somehow they took over Yamanaka, who had mind probing jutsu, and… and…

"Shion-sama?" Taruho didn't like the rapidly paling shade her skin was undergoing.

"Tell everyone to expedite our trip." Shion demanded in a shaky tone. "We have to get to Konoha. Also send Yamanaka-san here. I have to find out exactly what she does and doesn't know as soon as possible."

Someone… someone found out. About the burned timeline. About Naruto's previous experience in life.

Someone found out everything.

o. o. o.

Sai didn't like this.

Granted, he didn't like what he was doing before, but now he really didn't like it.

He had been put in terrible situations before. It was to be expected, being a part of ROOT and all. Espionage. Assassination. The dirtiest of missions were meant for the likes of him.

He undertook them all with a fake smile on his face and polite words.

It only made the times he spent with his friends only sweeter.

Friends. Yes. He genuinely considered Naruto and the others his friends. It was a word that caused the weight on his shoulders that he had previously never noticed to lighten exponentially. Every laugh. Every bad joke. Every argument. Every nonsensical situation he found himself in was treasured and damned in his mind. Emotions that he had thought were dead were resurrected almost spontaneously when he was with them.

It was in that time with them that he had developed habits. Small ones that would escape his fellow ROOT members' notice. Patterns of speech. Thought. Approach…

He found it rather amusing that those outside his group of friends never noticed that he had taken to imitating Scabbard's acerbic and passive sense of humor.

Currently though, he was in the process of going through another habit he had developed. One that he had not experienced in some time.

Damn it Naruto.

Blaming Naruto for a mission gone shitstorm.

Iwa. Of all the places that his friend had to run off to, why on Earth did it have to be Iwagakure?

No pun intended.

Fuu had been delirious for nearly half a day when he had returned to his body. It was almost as if he had forgotten how to use if for a short while. The most the Yamanaka could get across at the time was that something had gone wrong and they had to leave or else they'd be found.

Sai had no complaints with that. He hated spying on his friends.

With all of them flying on a rather large ink bird of Sai's creation, his superior had gone over what had happened.

Good news was that whatever jutsu Fuu had put on Ino had apparently burned out due to the stress of maintaining the connection between both Yamanaka, and the priestess. No one in the camp would be able to miss its existence now, and Ino would be more aware and on guard of being manipulated from now on. She'd no longer be able to be used.

Sai withheld a sigh of relief. She was one of his closest friends, and he nearly lost his composure when he first found out about her being used like that.

Sadly, that was pretty much the only good news as far as he was concerned.

Something was going to happen at Iwa. Something big enough that Naruto himself was alarmed and was seeking the aid of the Toads for it. He'd probably rope Jiraiya into the mess too by that logic.

Fuu couldn't get much from the Priestess. Her mind was different from what was expected and had an adverse effect on him. Her prophetic abilities were apparently the real deal, and what she saw didn't mix well with the Yamanaka jutsu. Something that Danzo would want to know sooner rather than later.

In the end it boiled down to two irrefutable and monumental facts. The First that Shion's abilities were genuine, and the Second, something big was going to happen in Iwa very soon. Because of the latter, it was likely that Iwa was their target's destination.

Good news for them, their target was likely alone once more. Bad news. He was in the middle of hostile territory.

And they were following him.

Sai… didn't know who to be worried for more. Iwa or Naruto. He really didn't.

"I still think that this is a bad idea." Sai voiced his opinion as they soared over the Land of Earth. ROOT did not have many resources here in general, and without more information to go on or know what was going to happen, following Naruto could end very badly for all of them.

His hands still ached painfully from the wounds he got from Han. Winters in general were nearly unbearable now.

"It doesn't matter what you think. You will follow orders like you are supposed to." Torune chided. "We are to monitor and possibly capture the Kyubi unless he returns to Konoha or directed otherwise."

Directed otherwise.

It had been days since they left for Iwa. More than long enough for Sai's ink bird to get to Danzo and report their findings.

They didn't have to worry about getting a message from him. Danzo was the one who taught Sai how to use his particular brand of jutsu in the first place. True, Sai had long since surpassed the old man in the particular field, but the latter was still more than capable enough to send a messenger ink bird with little trouble.

"We will stick to reconnaissance." Fuu grunted. He had not felt right ever since delving into Shion's mind. It was almost as if his brain and body were not in sync. "Once we get close enough to Iwa, our priorities should be locating the Jinchuriki and finding out why he traveled here in the first place."

That was easier said than done.

Iwagakure was on high alert. No one entered or left the village without extreme scrutiny.

And yet Fuu clearly sensed Naruto's chakra hovering all over the place.

Sai would have assumed that his friend would have been captured if it weren't for the fact that virtually everyone they saw in the area was shell shocked and or terrified of their shadows. That mixed with the facts that no one was talking about Naruto in general, and the fact that the place didn't seem to be damaged in any way at all was further proof that, for once, the blonde wasn't the source of chaos and calamity here.

He didn't like it.

The hairs on the back of his neck were slowly standing the longer they were in the area.

Something was going to happen. Something big. Something he was not equipped or prepared for.

He fought a shiver and looked down at the world below. They couldn't get too close to Iwa as it was. Deidara had all but ingrained the fear of an aerial assault into everyone in the village. Instead the ROOT agents were keeping an eye out for any large forces or suspicious activity in the nearby villages that might give them a hint as to what was going on. Countless ink mice flooded four other towns that served as checkpoints to the village, but so far nothing substantial as of yet.

He let out a deep sigh.

At the very least. Nothing was blowing up. And there wasn't any mass screaming. He had to thank the log for small mercies.

o. o. o.

He woke in a dark and gloomy place. Someone was yelling at him to get up.

He tried to wipe his face, but failed to on the count of the fact that he didn't have his arms anymore.

"Tch. How annoying." Deidara grimaced, stirring in the medical bed that he was strapped to and blinked several times in order to see better. "Can't a genius get some time to rest here? Mm?"

"One man's genius is another man's dumbass." A familiar, grumpy, and elderly voice growled. "Hello dumbass."

"Great. The old shit." The bomber groaned, letting his head fall back again and closed his eyes. "Oi. Someone put me under already. If I have to listen to this bastard lecturing me for longer than five minutes, I'll keel over before he does. Mm."

Onoki did not seem to be in a rather chatty mood though. Instead of ranting or insulting the traitor, the Tsuchikage floated over the crippled man and grabbed his face forcefully. "Oh trust me Deidara, you'd be thankful if that happened."

"Ngh?! Let go of me. Old bastard!" As much as he struggled, he couldn't escape his old master's grip. His pathetic state did not put up much of a fight against the old veteran's calloused hand.

But even that stopped almost instantly the moment his body went rigid. Unnaturally so.

"Ngh?!"

"I'm not in the mood for your bullshit Deidara." He didn't yell. He didn't build himself up. He didn't negotiate. His old voice sounded like crushing boulders falling, each with the weight of mountains. His eyes were even heavier.

Onoki was not playing around. He was not giving the traitor any mercy this time.

"You will tell me what I want to know. Now. Or you will die slowly, and I will preserve your body as my own work of so called art just to spite that useless junk you are constantly wasting time with. I'll see it less often than the macaroni pictures on my fridge that the brats from the local preschool send over every year."

"Screw… you… old bastard." The blonde tried to fight the jutsu that paralyzed his body, but it was futile in his state.

"Your leader. Pain." Onoki pretended to ignore his victim's eyes widening in genuine surprise. "What is his plan for Iwagakure?"

Surprisingly, Deidara didn't say anything. His eyes on the other hand said everything.

"I see." The victim's body started to grow heavier and harder. "I had hoped it was otherwise. Now I do owe that little bastard."

Eyes widening, the Akatsuki struggled to move. "W-wait. Stop! I'll talk I'll…"

"You've said enough already." The old man's voice was grave, not caring at all as the man in front of him turned to rigid stone.

The guards outside the room looked at one another warily as their leader floated past them, as angry as ever. "Take care of the body. No one is to know what happened. As far as anyone knows, he's still being interrogated."

"Sir!" Both men saluted before getting to work.

o. o. o.

"He escaped."

Roshi sighed as he sat on a boulder in Onoki's private training grounds, not bothering to note the surprised look on Kurotsuchi's face. "Figures."

"What?! But you just said you turned him to stone!"

"He was swapped out with a fake. It was a coin toss as far as I was concerned." Naruto rolled his eyes, floating at an odd angle to the side of the group with arms and legs crossed. "I told you they had some messed up jutsu. I once fought Itachi Uchiha. Same jutsu, behavior, bloodline and everything. I practically destroyed the body with the last attack, but when the dust settled, it was some nameless Suna chunin laying in the ground with Itachi's clothes and equipment in the hole instead."

"How did you know it wasn't Deidara?" Kurotsuchi demanded.

"I took his pulse when I had my grip on him." Onoki sighed. "It didn't change at all when I insulted his art. Whoever I killed, it wasn't him."

"But it was Akatsuki." Naruto sighed. "What happened to his arms?"

"Missing. Supposedly they were taken for storage since they hold information on a kinjutsu of ours, but while they arrived on paper…"

"Tch. And here we thought we could at least kill off one problem before it became a headache. Again." Naruto sighed. "Seriously. What's with these evil organization higher level guys never just dying? Or staying in jail? It's so fucking annoying."

"Coming from you, that's almost a compliment." Roshi chuckled, his voice dry.

"Except it's actually annoying in the bad way! Not the amusing way that I specialize in!" The blonde threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

"I have yet to ever be amused in your presence." Kurotsuchi glared at him.

"To me. Amusing to me." He corrected.

"Yeah. That does sound like your usual M.O." Roshi nodded, turning to his sake again. He'd better stock up some more soon. He had forgotten just how bad Naruto could get at times.

"I am neither amused, nor seeing worth in coming here." Onoki crossed his arms. "Boy, unless there is a reason why you have gathered us all the way out here, I am going to go back to my village so that it is actually prepared and defended against a hostile takeover."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Fine. Have it your way."

With a snap of his fingers, Jiraiya fell from the sky with a yelp of surprise with the grace of a rabid pufferfish with mange.

"J-Jiraiya?!" Roshi gaped, eyes and mouth wide open like a fish.

"The Toad Sage?!" Kurotsuchi mimicked her godfather's expression.

Onoki glared murderously at Naruto. "… And why did you not feel the need to inform us that you had brought one of the three Sanin with you earlier?"

"Information control." The blonde shrugged, counting reasons on his fingers. "Security. Backup muscle. Screwing with your heads. Screwing with his head."

"I'll screw your head right off brat!" The sage yelled, getting back to his feet unsteadily. "I am not you! I am not comfortable floating aimlessly in the bloody air for days on end! Do you know how hard it is to go to the bathroom discretely when you have no idea how half that stuff works?!"

"He was with you the entire time?" Roshi decided at that moment to ignore the newcomer.

"Yep." Naruto nodded. "You didn't think I was dumb enough to come here alone, did you?"

The mixed looks he was getting said far more than he was comfortable with.

"I am filled with such conflicting emotions right now. I'm not sure I want to help you anymore."

"Brat. You are conflicting emotions." Jiraiya deadpanned.

"I need help. Hug me." The comically weeping blonde began to float to his teacher before pausing and looking around. "Wait. On second thought. Please don't. Everyone here is either an old creep, or secretly wants to stab me. Or both."

"At the very least, you actually realize that you need help." Roshi shook his head.

"I'm pretty sure that it's no secret that everyone here wants to stab you." Kurotsuchi evenly stated, the only person there other than Naruto that didn't qualify as an old creep.

"I miss Hinata." More tears fell from blue eyes. "Even if her hugs are laced with terror and unspeakable acts of Yandere fervor."

Jiraiya facepalmed. "Kid. Why? You know the first rule of dating. Don't stick your dick in crazy."

"Can't. She qualifies for the second, third, fourth, seventh, and eleventh exceptions in the third subsection of the rule. Childhood friend. Early inspiration. First crush. Core life motivator. And she genuinely loves me." Naruto absently countered the argument. "Plus, she's hot, smart, is from a good family, and I like her back. And for the record, we haven't gone all the way yet, technically, but the sex is guaranteed to be amazing."

Roshi nodded. "That is enough to overturn the first rule. Just so long as you don't do anything absolutely retarded like actually consider another woman to be a part of your life."

The silence was damning.

"… You poor dead fool."

The sound of fear and misery that squeaked out from Naruto's mouth sounded to Kurotsuchi like a cross between slowly shrieking metal and the miserable defeated cry of a child who had lost all hope.

"Idiots." She couldn't help but let her thoughts escape her mouth.

"As nice as it is to know that we have more than just you on our side, and that Iwa probably does not have to do a damned thing to kill you seeing as you've pretty much covered it yourself, I will ask again. Why. Are. We. Here?" Onoki frowned. "You could have told us about him at any point."

"We're gonna fight Akatsuki heheheheheeeeeerrrreeeeeee." Naruto wept, clearly withdrawing into himself.

"What?"

"What the idiot means, is that fighting Nagato, or just Akatsuki in general in Iwagakure is going to total the place." Jiraiya filled in the blanks, patting his godson sympathetically. "The collateral itself is going to probably remake the local maps and streets, even before any plans are put into action. They just have that much firepower."

"Hey. Wait. They are pretty strong. Maybe…" Naruto turned to the others hopefully.

"No. You can't use Akatsuki to give yourself a coward's death as an out from the yandere fallout you invoked in the first place." Jiraiya denied him instantly.

"Damn it."

"They have a point." Roshi spoke up before Onoki lost his temper again. "Getting even half of them over here would give our forces a fighting chance. Especially if their leader comes over as well."

"How would we get them here though?" Kurotsuchi asked the big question. "If they think it's a trap, they won't follow. And their goal is the village itself."

"I can do it." Naruto sniffed, his face practically leaking in tears and snot as the fear of his inevitable demise haunted him. "I'm good at making people want to chase and kill me. It's a gift."

"Don't you mean curse?" Kurotsuchi frowned.

"I stick to my version firmly."

"How many can you take?" Roshi frowned. "They have Presence now. The odds are against us."

"By myself? The way I am now? Under normal circumstances? Two at once, though it does depend on who it is I'm fighting." Naruto shrugged. "Even if they know how to use Presence, those of us here that already know it have been learning for at least three years now. Our foundations are leagues ahead of theirs. I'll teach all three of you what they'll probably use just in case, but Presence wise they don't even match up."

"That sounds… wait, all three?" His godfather frowned and looked at who was there. He knew that Roshi knew Presence. And judging from the annoyed look, Onoki was pretending to follow along, so that meant… "Roshi..."

Kurotsuchi shuffled in place uncomfortably at the attention she was getting.

"She's my Goddaughter." The redheaded Jinchuriki stood his ground. "I have obligations."

"Your obligations should be to me first." Onoki shot his friend an accusing glare. "Why didn't you teach me this supposed important technique?"

"I have a list. But near the top is the fact that you're a shit student. I can't even teach you basic math without getting into an argument that ends with you storming out of the room." Roshi had no shame at all.

"How did you know? I haven't even used it in weeks, or in any missions in general." She shot Naruto a frown.

The blonde yawned. "When you're good enough, you can pretty much tell who is and isn't a user just by being near them. Kinda like being able to point out a shinobi on their day off in a crowd of civilians."

"And you qualify as "good enough"?" Onoki inquired.

"Yep."

"And does Akatuski qualify?" Jiraiya stepped in.

"No-… er. Most of them don't." Naruto sheepishly caught himself as he thought about the question. "You need to have a certain level of strength in it to develop needed sensitivity for finding users when they aren't active. A level that takes years to obtain if training correctly. Akatsuki just learned how to use it, but Hidan… well, he's a bit of a super wild card now. Different. You don't… I… it's complicated. Just don't underestimate him now. Best to leave him to me."

"So you have a self-proclaimed god with the Rinnegan, and a mad priest possessed by his god." Jiraiya deadpanned. "I'm starting to see a pattern here."

"Fuck the police! Down with the establishment! I will destroy the natural order and replace it with the ideal system that only a brilliant mind such as my own can fathom!"

"Wait for it." The sage held out to stop the others from speaking.

"A world of ramen and explosions! Deliciousness and awesomeness! Never ending in a seamless broth that can only exist in utopia!"

"And there it is."

"I will have my fucking Ramen Pool this time Log Damn It!"

"Every time I see him, I am reminded why people are not supposed to obtain higher knowledge and learn things outside of their natural understanding." Roshi shook his head.

"He's insane." Onoki and Kurotsuchi threw in their two cents at the same time.

"I've been trying to work on that, but someone had to be targeted by Akatsuki during my relaxing-but-not-really vacation!" Naruto accused the Iwa Shinobi.

"How is this our fault!?" All three of them shouted back incredulously.

Jiraiya decided to step in at that point. "Ok. Calm down everyone. Naruto, stop doing that thing you do. You three, stop arguing with the basket case. There's never any point in trying to reason with crazies."

"You have to bribe us with our currency." Naruto nodded, completely serious despite the accusations thrown his way.

"So we bribe you with stupid and cheap food." Roshi deadpanned.

"For lesser tributes."

"Can we just get back to the reason why we are here again?" Kurotsuchi sighed. "Akatsuki?"

"Fine." The blonde actually looked like he was being forced to go back on topic.

"Kid. I want to double check on something you said earlier. About you being able to take on two of them at once under normal circumstances." Jiraiya spoke up. "You don't do normal if you can help it unless you're trying to tone down your crazy for your mental health. Ever. You thrive on straight up bullshit."

No one missed the small, amused, and knowing smirk that barely etched itself on the corners of Naruto's mouth. "No. I guess you're right."

"You have a plan? A trap set up?" Kurotsuchi frowned, looking at her surroundings to try and spot anything in particular that might kill her painfully.

"No." Naruto shook his head. "Nothing as elaborate as that. Anything of that nature probably would do less than nothing against a group of Akatsuki. With Itachi and Pain there, they'd be able to peg such things out long before anything triggers. I can do subtle tricks, but not against that many heavy hitters at once."

"Then what are you doing?" Jiraiya looked around, scanning his surroundings and the sky itself for some sort of sign. He knew his godson: too well sometimes. The brat wouldn't be this confident unless what he was doing was already underway.

"He's already started to set something up?" Kurotsuchi blinked in alarm, worried that she might be caught in something dangerous.

"Don't worry. Nothing's going to explode or fall apart. This entire area is perfectly safe. Nothing but rocks and stone here." Naruto waved with a casual sigh.

"Then what did you do?" Onoki interrogated.

The blonde shrugged. "Iwagakure is your home turf, in more ways than one. The land is with you. The people are with you. In a game, you'd get a field bonus simply because everything and everyone here works to your advantage."

"Then, what you're doing is…" Roshi slowly began to understand where the blonde was going.

"An idiot panics about an oncoming giant battle. A resigned and patient man merely waits. A cunning man prepares traps and contingencies to help take care of his enemies. A careful man would probably want to know as much as possible about allies and enemies alike and plan ahead. But a smart man? The guy that knows without a doubt that he will eventually have to fight? What would he do?"

"He'd gear up." Roshi nodded. "He'd be the cunning and the careful guy. Set up shop. Get allies. Weapons. Armor. Traps. Put himself in the best damn spot possible for himself to unleash hell while, most importantly, ensuring that he'd survive in the end."

Naruto's grin widened into something genuinely terrifying. "A smart man does everything he can to ensure that when everything goes down, if it is inevitable, he is not only equipped and prepared, but in a position and state that makes him vastly more powerful than he would otherwise be. And the smartest assholes out there? Well… let's just say that they have an unconventionally large number of ways available to express just how devastatingly intelligent they really are."

Onoki, Roshi, and Kurotsuchi suddenly felt thankful to have Naruto on their side.

"Kid. You might want to tone it down a bit. You're being extra psycho at the moment. Save it for the enemy." Jiraiya sighed. "On a side note, how big of a smartass are you planning to be?"

"Depends on how long they make us wait." The blonde chuckled with gleeful malice. "If we had a timeline for when they are going to attack, most people would count down the days. But me?

"I count up."

o. o. o.

"They're coming to take me away Haha.

They're coming to take me away Hoho.

Hehe. Haha. To the funny farm.

Where life is beautiful all the time.

And I'll be happy to see those nice young men,

In their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away Haha."

Kicking open the door to the council meeting room, Dima made an imposing sight with his clearly agitated looks, bulging veins, and a tied up Ghost singing and slung over his shoulder like a rug.

"Before I give him to you, may I please relieve myself? He hasn't stopped singing since I finally nabbed him." The old man pretended not to take notice of the looks he was getting and his twitching eyes.

"You thought it was a joke. You laughed. You laughed.

When I had said that I forgot the words

And now I'm making up the rest of the song

But you will never know and

They're coming to take me away Haha-"

"Go nuts. Waltz does it all the time. We're used to it." Tsunade sighed, already getting a headache from Ghost's horrible choice of music.

"They're coming to take me away. HohooooooooooooooTTTTTT! Dima you fucker!"

Without any physical movements or gestures, Ghost spontaneously caught aflame on his captor's back and began to writhe about madly.

"You chose Napoleon the Fourteenth. You knew the consequences." Literally half the light in the room was redirected to the old man's hands, giving them a very ominous glow as they were coated with superheated plasma.

"I gave you permission to trash Ghost. Not to trash the room." Tsunade interjected, pretending to ignore the oppressive heat coming from the old man, or the dimmed lighting in the room. "From what I understand, you are currently living off of the Oogakari's tab. Meaning Scab's tab."

At the mention of being in debt to Scabbard, Dima flinched and slowly released his hold on his powers. "… Sorry. I got a bit ahead of myself there."

Truly, there were few things in existence that could terrify a Family member more than being in debt to Scabbard.

"Where did you find him?" Chouza asked.

"Face first in a load of burning bushes." Dima replied with a straight face. "I had to lure him out. With fire."

Everyone just stared at him.

"He can hold his breath for a very long time if he wanted to."

"That doesn't make… never mind." Inoichi shook his head. "I was somewhat hoping that you would make more sense than your hosts."

"You and me both. His stupid is contagious." The old man kicked Ghost lazily, watching the fire he started smother quickly. "It's more a symptom of being in proximity of these idiots than anything else really. Part of the reason why I don't bother staying around them for long periods of time if I can help it."

"I've never seen someone with your technique before." Danzo noted. "Light manipulation. And without seals no less. You can seamlessly control all that power around you as if you were one with it."

"Not without a good deal of practice. I assure you." Dima smiled, lazily lifting a finger and causing a kaleidoscope of colors spin rapidly around it for a few seconds before dying off just as quickly.

"Practice. Hah. That's a word that you never would have uttered when we first met." Ghost snorted as he got up. The fire that had covered him earlier was all but gone now, but it did eat through the bindings that had immobilized him to the point of disintegrating.

"Time changes most things." The old man shrugged casually, getting a dirty look from his accuser.

"Yeah. Now I have more hair on my ass than you do on your head." Patting himself down, every shinobi there did not fail to notice Ghost seemingly brush off his burns and cuts as if they were dust on his body. Tears in his clothes vanished behind his hand. Blisters and swells turned into smooth tan skin.

They had all seen it before, but as always they never managed to figure out just how he did it.

"Ghost." Tsunade interrupted. "We are tired, exhausted, and on the brink of genuine war. Please. For once, cooperate with us and don't be your normal self."

"I dunno…" Ghost hedged, playing with their emotions.

"Do it or I'll make it my life's mission to ruin any intimate moment you have with Hana with talk of grandchildren." Tsume cut him off.

Ghost was instantly scratching at the closed door to the room in a desperate attempt to get the hell out of there like a caged and wild animal. For some reason, his IQ had dropped enough in his panic that he had completely forgotten how a normal everyday door functioned and just settled for either scratching at the wood or pulling frantically on the doorknob.

Tsunade made a mental note to clean said doorknob before they left as she watched him try to bite it off without success. She was pretty sure he was dislocating his jaw from the way his mouth was opening…

Everyone else in the room turned to the woman with mixed expressions of confusion and awe.

Dima gave her a thumbs up and a dead serious face. "Ma'am. I barely know you, but I already approve."

"Never thought I'd see the day that you'd actually go along with him being with Hana." Shibi was genuinely bewildered.

"It was going to happen regardless of what I did." The Inuzuka matriarch sighed in resignation. "Best thing I can do is ride out the storm and make him suffer as much as he makes me want to pull out my hair. Easiest way to do that is play his game my way."

"Hisssss!" Ghost shot her a vicious look and an accusing finger that was not too far off from a certain closet dwelling evil monkey before turning back to his painfully stupid attempt to escape.

"Word of advice. Stick to playing mind games with him. And sparingly at that." Dima threw in his two cents. "Don't try and one up him on every stupid thing he does. Maintaining eye contact for over five seconds in a victory smirk also prompts him to take retaliatory action at some point. He interprets them as a personal challenges."

"That seems… rather elaborate." Hiashi hedged his thoughts.

"Would you be genuinely surprised if I told you that they actually do come with a manual? Each?" The old man deadpanned.

"No." More than one person muttered at the exact same time.

"Don't tell me you have them on you." Tsunade sighed.

"Don't need to. I helped co-write them."

"Of course you did."

"Ghost!" Tsume snapped. "Center podium! Now! Do it or else I start listing all the names I could have given Kiba and Hana when I had them!"

And like that, the immortal was standing ramrod straight where he was supposed to be, growling at the woman like she had betrayed him.

Danzo rarely ever had the urge to make any sort of gesture to express his frustration. His training and self-control had rendered most of them as non-entities. Still, he had to put in a good deal of effort not to close his eyes and shake his head at the mere thought of the biggest threat to Konoha's security being ordered about for such stupid reasons.

"Tsunade. If you would please." Tsume turned to the Hokage with a content smile on her face.

"I'm too sober for this." The blonde woman muttered under her breath before gathering her paperwork before her. "Ghost. We have a general idea of what has happened so far. Hana and Anko were kidnapped and tortured in Iwa. You rescued them and brought them back. And you rendered Scab into little more than a sack of flesh, bone, and meat due to his mishandling of the situation. We don't care about the "why's" and "how's". What is more important to us now is, what did you do in Iwa, and are we going to war?"

Finally turning away from Tsume, the immortal sulked and pouted. "Not much to say. Deidara had Hana. I just incapacitated him, got Hana back, exchanged a few words with the locals, tortured the village, and then left."

The room was dead silent.

Smack.

Save for Dima face palming.

"Thanks for reminding me how much I hate being in the same room as you."

"Anytime."

"You… you tortured the village." Tsunade slowly repeated.

If it was anyone else, literally anyone else, the people that made up the council would have claimed bullshit on what they just heard. The idea that someone could simply walk up and do something like that to so many people at once was insane on so many levels it went beyond the realm of fantasy.

But the person who claimed to do it was Ghost. A man that had already proven to not only be impossibly resourceful and secretive when he desired to be, but just as mad as the statement he had just made with a perfectly straight face.

"They weren't going to just let us go." Ghost snorted, as if it was obvious. "The girls were in rough shape. If I decided to stay there and keep things all "politically correct", they would have been kept prisoner on some bullshit charge, or crippled, or killed by some idiot that wanted to get even with Konoha. I knew it. Onoki knew it. Everyone knew it. I was the only one with the balls to actually point it out."

"So… you tortured… the village? To leave?" Inoichi repeated slowly, as if trying to figure out how the man functioned. "How?"

"Mind games. Mostly. Severe and cruel ones at that." A casual, but notable gust of air ruffled the legs of everyone in the room. "Made everyone in the village go through some pretty trippy things. Human. Animal. Man. Woman. Child. I hit them all with it. Had to make my point known and clear. Either I walked out unimpeded, or everyone suffers. If they had just left me alone from the start, none of them would have gone through what they did in the first place. Had to underscore that last bit a few times for them."

The message was clear. His control over the air enabled the man to do far more than they initially thought. Genjutsu was the first thing that came to mind, but those that knew him guessed that there was more to the story than that.

"Why did you give them the choice?" Danzo frowned. "Why not just kill them and be done with it?"

"To not start a war. Obviously." The man snorted as if being asked a dumb question.

"You assaulted an entire hidden village, and you expect there to not be a war from this?" Chouza asked incredulously, his face the same as most of his companions'.

"I didn't leave, and their suffering didn't stop, until they let me walk out unimpeded." Ghost repeated his earlier statement more firmly.

Not until they learned their place.

The room was dead quiet as the meaning of his words finally took root.

"You… you actually broke Iwagakure?" Shikaku stammered, not believing his ears. Among the five major villages, the Stone were by far the most stubborn and resolute. Once they set themselves to something, there was rarely anything anyone could do to stop them from going through with it save an order from their superiors. To crush that resolve, all of their resolve at once…

"I did just say that I tortured everyone there." The accused sighed whimsically. "Despair is a twisted thing. Have enough people floundering in it and it spreads like a virus."

"Hopefully you didn't go all Junko Enoshima on them. There's being cruel and then there's that crazy bitch." Dima sighed.

"Of course I didn't go full Junko on them. I'm not that sick in the head." Ghost snorted. "That's Shadow's territory."

The old man grunted and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Please warn me if she ever goes that far off the deep end so I can to safety."

"No promises. Might need a decoy."

"How?" Danzo interrupted their conversation. "How did you accomplish that? After you obtained Inuzuka, you must have been exposed to the entire village. The amount of chakra needed to influence so many people at once must be staggering, much less the focus needed to use such a technique. All of the shinobi there must have known what you were doing by then and would have done everything in their power to stop you. So how did you accomplish all of what you claimed?"

Ghost looked at him oddly. "It wasn't that hard. The Seventh Sense not only enables me full control over air, but it stores my chakra in it for long periods of time. The sky itself is my chakra bank that I can tap into whenever I want. I just cashed in. The minion can do the exact same thing. He just lacks the control I have. Because my chakra is everywhere, it was easy to make everyone experience the same thing at once. Just one big area of effect technique that affected all in range indiscriminately. So long as they breathed, they were mine."

"But that doesn't explain why you weren't stopped." Shibi interjected. "A mere illusion and pain would not hold back the more experienced shinobi there. Much less Onoki."

"Unless… they couldn't stop you." Shikaku frowned.

"What do you mean?" Inoichi looked at his teammate.

"That black fire. The embers that were spawning everywhere. Waltz told us that all that was just an aftereffect from Ghost deciding to use whatever forbidden technique he had." The Nara elaborated. "Something even the Oogakari consider taboo."

More than one person noted Ghost's amused expression drop like a rock.

"You mean, he used it on Iwagakure?" Mebuki Haruno tried to put the pieces together.

Dima snorted. "Hah! Use his fire on normal humans to prove a point?! Never. You lot don't understand just how much Ghost despises that accursed power of his. Most of the time he pretends it doesn't even exist just to spite the damn thing. He only willingly uses it on the most disgusting, vile, and unforgiveable things to ever consider existing."

"I used it on myself."

"Like himself." The old man didn't miss a beat.

It was his tone that caused everyone to shiver subconsciously. There was no seriousness to it. No rage. No anger. No sorrow. No joy. No humor.

Nothing.

"I won't tell you what it is. How I got it. How it works. Or anything else about it. Only that it is responsible for a good deal of issues that I, and many others, have had to deal with for quite some time." Ghost elaborated, his face lacking any and all emotion, unlike moments just before.

"You used it on yourself." Tsunade repeated slowly.

"Mm. And as a result, they could do nothing to me. Or rather, nothing they could do would work." Ghost nodded slowly. "I played the waiting game in the middle of their home territory. What would happen first? Would they surpass my power and kill me? Or would the entirety of Iwagakure be eroded into well behaved animals? Their spirits broken. Their power useless. Their egos crushed. All in the safety of their own homes. Realizing that the only way for the pain to stop was to let me go, and in turn their pride. Something so simple that many didn't want to realize, because doing so would mean that they admitted that they were not strong enough."

No one spoke. No one interrupted the childish man from elaborating on what amounted to a crime against humanity.

"And eventually, they stopped. They tried to put me down. Desperately so, like cornered animals. Ninjutsu. Taijutsu. Fuuinjutsu. Onoki himself took a shot at the end. His jutsu certainly is quite something special, worthy of a Kage, but it all ended the same way regardless. They lost their will to fight. And I walked out the front door. Through crowds of shinobi and civilian alike watching me from all angles. Some even an arm's reach from me. And they did nothing to get in my way. Because they knew that doing so would only hurt them more."

The room was dead quiet. The audience could hear their hearts beating with the clarity of a loud drum.

"And that's the reason why you don't bring up his fire in conversation." Dima sighed, clearly not nearly as affected by Ghost's speech as the others. "He completely kills the mood when he gets like this."

"I could care less about the mood." Danzo found his voice first. "How does this ensure that no war will come about from this? You left them alive. They will want revenge for this."

"It will stop war, Danzo, because if they do anything in response to my actions, they know that I will just go back and start all over again. Near the end of my little game, the place was at war with itself. Those who wanted to kill me more than they feared the pain. And those who feared the pain more than they wanted to kill me. It didn't last long, and I doubt they want to risk experiencing that again."

The two sides stared at one another in silence.

Everyone had always known that Ghost and his family were sick in the head.

Now… now though, they remembered just what sort of cruelty such a person could do if their patience was pushed too far, without any hesitation.

Slowly, Ghost reached for his coat's pocket, causing many in the room to go still in alarm and trepidation.

And just as slowly, he took out a beer bottle, cut the top off with wind chakra, and began to chug it with a completely straight face.

"… Eh?" More than one person managed to squeak out their confusion, their bodies unable to relax from being drawn at attention.

"He REALLY hates talking about his fire. Or dealing with it." Dima sighed, the only person unsurprised by the man's behavior. "It's not uncommon for him to get completely smashed soon after has to talk about it in even passing. More so when he bothers to actually be serious in general. He could barely stand soon after getting back to his place the night he got back."

"I only have the light shit on me. I'm gonna be pissing all afternoon at this rate." The immortal grunted in displeasure, emotion already leaking back into his disposition. "I hope you're happy with yourselves. I'm a clingy drunk today and Hana and Anko aren't here to be my normal supporters of elevation."

Dima slowly took a step away from the man…

Only for Ghost to reach out with his free hand and grab onto his clothes without looking.

"Fuck."

"No one can sever the love we have for one another." No one would want to comment on how "modest" he sounded saying that either.

"But I'm willing to try." The lights in the room dimmed again as the old man's hands once more were encased in plasma.

"Grandbabies." Tsume snapped. She didn't do it on purpose, as she was still in mild shock at just what this man had done in order to rescue her daughter. It was more of a reflex than anything.

Both Ghost's and Dima's hands shot down to their sides instantly, the room returning to normal.

"Again. Why didn't you kill them?" Danzo frowned. "They were your enemies. They wanted you dead. Dealing with them would have prevented war just as easily."

"No it wouldn't, and if you really do think that, then you need to retire as fast as possible because your judgement is shit."

"He's right." Shikaku agreed. "The power vacuum that would have been made from the sudden loss of a major hidden village would have sent all of the elemental nations into a free for all mess to try and pick up the pieces. Everything would be unstable and chaotic for a decade at the least. And that's not even taking into account the reactions that everyone would have if they learned that Konoha was responsible for it. Agitating Iwagakure doesn't do us good in the short term, but if what Ghost said is true, then he did everyone a favor in the long run. Even if it seems unbelievable… and inhuman."

Ghost didn't seem bothered by the accusation. "They were only pissed off at me in the first place because I snuck in the village and am living here in general. Really. They didn't do anything wrong in the first place. They had a perfectly legit reason for wanting me in custody. I have no issues with them personally. They were just at the wrong place at the wrong time and caught the brunt of my temper. Not going to just kill a ton of people that didn't do anything wrong to me just because of that. That's just dumb."

A rather irritated look from Dimitri said something else completely.

"But you still tortured them." Inoichi stressed.

"They'll walk it off. Eventually. Mostly. And it's not like they're going to outwardly moan about it to anyone. What are they going to do, actually admit that a single guy whipped all them like pets? I crushed their prides, but not enough that they'll willingly admit it to others. That and no one's gonna believe them." He paused. "Well… anyone that doesn't know me won't believe them. Just look at me. I'm too cute to commit mass crimes against humanity."

"Crimes against reality on the other hand…" Dima muttered under his breath.

"At the very least. We're not at risk of going to war soon." Chouza sighed in exhausted, and bitter relief.

"I never said that."

Slowly. Very slowly. Everyone looked at Ghost with a look of pure dread.

"Ghost. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you just told us that you tortured a whole hidden village in order to stop them from declaring war with us." Tsunade spoke very carefully, as if talking to a child to make sure he understood her.

"I did. And I did." Ghost nodded, topping off his drink. "Never said that I stopped everyone on the planet from playing with the idea. That's just stupid. I just made sure that I wasn't going to be the cause of war if it did break out."

"Are you implying that there is a major power that is, in fact, preparing to wage war with Konoha as we speak?" Danzo cut in. "And you did not bother to inform us of it?"

"Pretty much, though in my defense, I didn't know about it until recently through some private lines that I can't tap anymore. Came across it by complete chance to be honest." He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal.

Dima didn't say anything. He was too busy edging away from the man so he could get out of the way of the line of fire.

"And why didn't you tell us about it?" Tsunade clearly was taking it as well as everyone else if the bulging vein on her forehead was any indication.

The immortal stuck his hand into his coat and took out another beer, again cutting off the top with an invisible blade of wind. "Because you were going to find out anyways, and someone's already working on stopping if not stalling the most likely one from happening in the first place. Not much anyone here can do about it by this point."

"That soon?" Shikaku whispered in alarm.

"Who?" Hiashi grunted in annoyance. "Enough of your games Ghost. Who is dealing with this new threat for us?"

Shaking his head, the man gave his audience an amused, yet bitter grin. "Take a wild guess."

One second.

Two seconds.

Thre-

"Son of a bitch!" Tsunade swore at the top of her lungs and slammed her head onto her desk. "Damn it NARUTO! AGAIN?!"

Dima turned to his captor and stared at him with cold dead eyes.

Ghost merely drank more of his beer. "… I'm not sharing. Get your own."

It would be a long day.

o. o. o.

It was a long day.

"Not bad. I can see why you come here."

Kurotsuchi held back a groan as she sat with her "guest" at a local bar.

Her body didn't ache that much from the training she had, but at the same time her everything felt strained to kingdom come. She had never actually thought that using that odd technique, Presence, could make her feel so off. But then again, Roshi had on more than on occasion said that he didn't know much about its use either.

Looking to her side, she couldn't help but marvel at just how easy it was to hide Namikaze in plain sight.

Hair dyed a light brown so that it didn't contrast with his natural hair color. Contacts over his eyes. Skin colored makeup to hide the whisker marks. Orange spiral changed color to make his sweater look completely black…

All those minor changes had altered the kid into a completely different person that no one would look twice at.

His absurd chakra levels on the other hand… well, he did pour an absurd amount of it into the air before entering the village proper, so for now he did pass as a civilian…

"Mmm." The former blonde tossed another dumpling into his mouth. "Not as good as ramen, but still really good."

So long as he didn't open his mouth or do something stupid at least.

The bar wasn't for shinobi. No one was dumb enough to think that Naruto wouldn't gain unwanted attention if he went into one of those. It was a normal civilian dive that was fairly popular and served pretty much everyone. No hidden meetings took place at the front simply because it had too many people of unknown origins come and leave.

It was used as an information dropoff point for all sorts of spies, civilian and shinobi alike, but that was a standard for most restaurants in shinobi villages. Even Ichiraku's in Konoha served the function every now and then.

"You're unbelievable. You know that?" Kurotsuchi shook her head and looked around.

With the village's morale at an all-time low, it was somewhat surprising to see any place that was filled even half way. The only exceptions were the police stations, which were holding people that had been caught causing a commotion, and bars, because there was more than a few people that wanted to drink away the memories as fast as possible.

The place they were in wasn't up to capacity, but it would make a pretty penny by the end of the night. As long as no one started a fight, that is. Depressed shinobi and alcohol rarely mixed well.

Sometimes.

It didn't take long for people to note that Naruto was easily the least miserable person in the building.

"What? What did I do this time?" Moaning like a child, he popped another treat into his mouth. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

"I think she's talking about the fact that you aren't stewing in self-loathing and rage like everyone else in the village."

Blinking, the two turned to Naruto's other side to see a fairly average looking man with brown hair sit down. Nothing about him was unique. Standard chunin uniform. Standard equipment. Standard speaking patterns. Standard everything.

"Yo Kurotsuchi. Since when did you take babysitting jobs?"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched. Even though he had long since hit his growth spurt, he hated shots at his age and height. "Oi. Who are you calling a kid? I'm taller than you."

"Since the old man locked everybody inside the city walls and some important merchants got mouthy because they can't handle their own kids." The young woman sighed, answering the man's question and turning back to her booze.

"People say mean things about me all the time." Naruto's voice and tone was so sweet it could give people diabetes.

"I believe you." The newcomer agreed with a straight face.

"Why can't you be more like him?" Naruto turned to his host accusingly. "He believes things I say."

"Because I've been around you for more than thirty seconds."

"Owch. You must be a handful if she's that blunt about it." The newcomer snorted in amusement. "The name's Ichirou. Who are you kid?"

"Memna." Naruto replied as easily as breathing, turning back to his meal. "If you want me to try and help you score with her, good luck. She doesn't look like she's in a receptive mood at the moment."

Kurotsuchi coughed, choking on her drink. She had not expected the jackass to go in that direction from out of nowhere. Judging from the surprised look Ichirou had, he was of the same mind. Had she not been clearing her throat of alcohol, she might have given Naruto props for actually breaking the guy's mask almost instantly.

"I-I'm sorry. What?"

"My godfather's a shameless perv and has used me for years as a wingman slash lure to score dates with women half his age at more bars than I can count." Naruto deadpanned. "I know when someone is looking to use me to score with someone else."

More people were paying attention to them now, including the bartender.

"Ah. Ahaha. N-No. It's nothing like that." Ichirou laughed nervously and looked around. "Kurotsuchi's just an old friend of mine. I haven't talked to her for a while. That's all…"

"Whatever. Just keep the obvious flirting to a minimum." Naruto sighed, turning to his meal again. "I just got my appetite back."

Kurotsuchi couldn't help but commend the jackass for the last comment. She didn't know if it was on purpose or not, but it had all but solidified the impression that he had been in the village since before the incident with Ghost and Deidara.

Shifting to the girl's other side, Ichirou clearly looked uncomfortable with many eyes still on them. "How on earth did you get landed with someone like that?"

"He's related to someone important. Enough that I have to watch over him for the next couple of days. Gramps' orders." She sighed dejectedly.

"I find it hard to believe that Tsuchikage-sama would waste your time and his on him after what just happened." He glanced at Naruto with confusion.

"Related. To. Someone. Important." She repeated herself slowly as if talking to an idiot.

"Fine. Fine. You made your point." He held up his hands in defeat.

"Watching this is so painful. Hey barkeep. Are you sure you can't slip me a drink? I need to be plastered to make this remotely viewable." Naruto looked at the guy down the stall cleaning a beer glass.

"You of age and have passable ID?" The man rose a skeptical eyebrow. Shiobi could drink as soon as they left the academy in Iwa so long as they could prove they could hold their booze, but civilians had to follow the same rules as everyone else.

The jinchuriki gave the man an accusing glare of betrayal before trying to get drunk off of water.

"Thought so."

"He's certainly a character."

"After what happened, everyone is." Kurotsuchi snorted. "But of course, you're as insufferable as ever."

"Someone has to." Ichirou shrugged, his trademark casual smile back in place. "I take it you've been busy. Other than the kid of course."

"According to my old man, I'm one of the few here that still has their head on straight." She sighed. "Quelling fights. Calming people down. Trying to smack sense into others. I'd be pissed that he's working me to the bone if it weren't for the fact that by the time I finally do have time to sleep I'm too exhausted to have nightmares."

It was the truth. The only time she had managed to sleep at a reasonable hour, she had woken up in a cold sweat three times before needing to get back to work.

"Counting small blessings." He chuckled. It frustrated her that she couldn't tell if he was being fake or not. "You're one of the few people that has consistent access to the Tsuchikage outside of the ANBU these days. It's no surprise that you're so busy."

"Yeah well. Gramps thought that babysitting would be a nice change of pace since I've been working so hard these past few days." She sighed, not at all reacting to his comment about her range of freedom when it came to classified information. "Now instead of multiple people yelling at me, I only have to deal with one. Plus I get to drink on the job."

"You sound like Grandma." Naruto muttered. "Only with less moaning about paperwork and hangovers."

"You… sound like you have an interesting family." Ichirou chose his words carefully.

"I have voices in my head." Naruto replied with the most serious face anyone had ever seen. "It was my dad's fault."

In a certain individual's soul, a blond hair man wept comically as his redheaded wife patted him on the shoulder sympathetically, and a titanic nine tailed fox laughed ruthlessly at his misery.

Kurotsuchi gave him a good long look at his declaration. She really had no idea what to say about that, especially when she recalled who the speaker's father was in the first place. The kid just had a way of saying the most absurd things in the way that made you think that he might actually be telling the truth the entire time just to fuck with you.

"Right. Not talking to him anymore." Ichirou instantly turned back to Kurotsuchi. "Look, about that job I told you about earlier. After what's happened, the timetable's moved up on it and…"

"You want to offer me a job now of all times?" She looked at him incredulously, though secretly thankful for the change in topic. "Have you looked around? You expect me, or anyone to be in the mood to work on something extra?"

"But wait. There's more!" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"The guys in charge have changed." He shook his head. "Pay's skyrocketed overnight and you are someone that has their interest. Real simple work. You'd barely have to do anything too. They really want the project to go through. I want you in on this."

"Because I'm that important or because you like my personality that much?" The Tsuchikage's granddaughter shot him a tired look.

"Because it's too good to pass up, this is final call, and I'm a good friend."

"Cop out." The third wheel muttered under his breath. "Dude's never gonna get laid at this rate."

The two Iwa shinobi tried very hard to ignore their commentator.

"Look. I'm sorry, but I'm busy enough as it is. I can't load myself any more than I am now. Taking care of this brat right here is supposed to be my break, and it's not going to last long." Kurotsuchi denied him flatly. "Maybe if everything wasn't stressed to Kiri and back I'd be more willing, but now I don't want to deal with any more bullshit than I have to."

"And if this could take the weight off your shoulders?" He pressed. "They're paying big money, Kuro. With other benefits."

"And deal with the fallout? No thanks." She snorted. "I have my hands full trying to get my head around enough personal problems as it is.

Sighing deeply, Ichirou lifted his hands in surrender. "Fine. You don't want in. Far be it for me to push when a girl says no. At least let me cover your drink."

"If it will get you to stop bugging me. I'm already close enough to stabbing someone with this idiot here." She nodded to Naruto.

"She's not the first person to say it." The accused shrugged. "Nor the first to say it right next to me."

"I'm not surprised." Ichirou glared at him, finally starting to lose his patience. "Why are you so important that the Tsuchikage's granddaughter is looking after you?"

"Mom and dad have money. Grandmother runs a big business. Godfather is an investor. Iwa looked like a hotspot so I was dragged with them." Naruto vaguely answered. "And I'm with her so I don't screw anything up with my fat mouth after that thing which did not happen happened. Hence. Food."

Kurotsuchi's eyebrow twitched. In a way, the jackass had not lied in the fucking slightest. Jiraiya. His parents. Tsunade. Him being here. Him being with her. It all matched up in one twisted way or another.

"That's a pretty vague explanation." Ichirou frowned.

"So was that job you wanted what's her name to do, but you don't see me bitching about it."

"You are bitching about it." Kurotsuchi pointed out. "You're still bitching about it."

"You don't because you're just a kid. I can because I'm a shinobi here, and thus a higher authority than you." The killer decided to pull rank. "And I don't like being talked down to constantly by some loud mouthed brat in conversations he has no part of."

"Good for you. Go on. Keep going. Get more of those feelings off your chest. Where did it start? Your mother? Your father? Was there a creepy old man that hung around the park you used to go to when you were small?"

"Memna. Shut up." Kurotsuchi snapped, just barely remembering to use Naruto's fake name.

"Take her advice kid. You don't want to piss off a shinobi. It won't end well for you." Ichirou growled.

"Or what? You'll sulk, walk away, bitch about Konoha instead of dealing with your insecurities and bother to think about the real problem like everyone else here?"

The room went dead quiet.

More than a few people had begun to finger their weapons and flood the room with murderous intent.

Kurotsuchi paled rapidly. What the hell was the idiot doing?!

"Care to say that again? Boy?" Ichirou whispered dangerously.

Naruto shook his head and focused on his meal again, ignoring the fact that the bar tender was giving him a rather dirty look. "He's a foreigner."

It was clear looking around the room that no one expected the "civilian" to turn the conversation in that direction. "Say again?"

"That bastard. The guy that came here. Oogakari. He lives in Konoha, but his entire family is from outside the elemental nations. Anyone who looks into them knows they only showed up a few years ago."

"I don't see your point." Ichirou's eyes narrowed. "Konoha sent him…"

"I don't give a flying fuck what Konoha did or didn't do to make him come over!" Naruto snapped. "I'm more worried if he's the only one!"

"The… only one?"

"The only monster that came from outside our territories." Naruto elaborated. "All of us here in the elemental nations only worry about ninja this and shinobi that. Fighting in hidden wars because of personal grudges and revenge and being egotistical idiots in general. But what the flying fuck do we know about the outside?! You know. The place that spawned the guy that just destroyed us, by himself, in your own home?!"

Kurotsuchi couldn't tell if Naruto working himself up was an act or not. He was really damn convincing.

"Here's a question. Do any of you even know what a map of the world outside the elemental nations looks like?"

The silence was damning.

More than one person looked around with mixed hope and curiosity to see if someone else could say that they did. They were sorely disappointed.

"If a squad, or a battalion, or an army or a whatever-the-hell you want to call it, of guys like THAT showed up tomorrow and decided to take over every elemental nation, do you honestly think that Iwa, or Konoha, or anyone would be able to stop them?"

No one answered. Virtually everyone in the building was too shell shocked by the possibility to talk, let alone reply.

"I've read history books. Every war. Every major change. Every deal, was all in the elemental nations. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but we are pretty much cut off from the rest of the entire planet." Naruto growled. "If it just so happens that there's a country out there that has its shit together, that has an army consisting of fighters even a tenth as capable as that monster Oogakari, then guess what. Everyone. Is. Fucked. And yet, despite that possibility. Despite getting a literal full facial of what someone that isn't part of our system and society is capable of, everyone here is too FUCKING busy trying nurse their damn prides to see the bigger picture."

"You brat." One large man stood up quickly. "What the hell do you know about us? What the hell do you know what we've been through? What Konoha did to us? That Oogakari bastard is from Konoha! He's under their command!"

Several people chanted in agreement.

"Are you an idiot?" Naruto glared at him incredulously. "Do you seriously think that a prick like that would just willingly bend over, bark, and move for the Hokage, or anyone for that matter, as easily as you do for the Tsuchikage? What part of that guy screams loyalty and honor to you? He's a mercenary. Not a shinobi. He chooses his clients based on paycheck and personal interest. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd bail from the village the moment he didn't think it was worth his time anymore. As far as we know, Konoha might let him do whatever he wants because they know what he can do and, gasp, can't do jack shit about it."

It was a possibility.

Not one any of them wanted to admit. But it was a real one.

Most of the people there wanted Konoha to be responsible for it in the end. It would have been easy to do so. It was their fallback excuse. It came so naturally.

But their situation wasn't natural. Not in the slightest. Even the most stubborn of shinobi there couldn't deny it. The possibility was there, and it was not hard to imagine being real in the end.

The idea that someone else out there could take on all the major powers of the elemental nations at once. It had once been something out of a fantasy novel as far as they all were concerned, but now…

"If you're so smart, then what should we do, kid?" A woman in the back snarked. "You've gotten this far on your paranoia and panicking. What advice do you have for us lowly stupid shinobi?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Same thing anyone does when they have no idea what they're up against. Study and learn."

"Learn?" Several people echoed.

"Information gathering. What's out there? Who's out there? Who is in charge?" He began ticking off his fingers. "Most civilians don't know anything about ninjutsu, so when they see it in action they try to make sense of it with what little knowledge they have. It's not like you don't play it off either. "It's a ninja thing." "Crazy ninja magic." Ring any bells? It might end up wrong, but it's the best they can do. Right now we're stuck in their situation. So the least retarded thing anyone here can do is do actual research and actually figure out what's going on. Know thy enemy, and all that bull. Get a map of the world and see where we actually are on it."

This time several people there muttered and grumbled to one another.

"What about Oogakari?" Another random person asked. "How do we find out more about him?"

"Them. They're a clan." Naruto corrected. "I don't know. You're shinobi. Spies. Go spy for fuck's sake. All I know are rumors and general dates. The only concrete thing I've managed to figure out about them is that they're likely to be the reason why Konoha's been on the rise lately."

"Care to elaborate?" Ichirou frowned.

The teen shrugged, finishing off his food. "It's not hard to piece together. The first of them was rumored to have shown up from out of nowhere, like what, five-ish years ago? That's what mom and dad said. Since then, what's happened? The Leaf's spawned a ton of big names. That Scabbard guy's weapons have practically become a trend among the elite. I see that stuff hanging off of walls all the time. Even we civilians know about the new tech that shinobi are using every now and then, but Konoha always has access to it first. Use your imagination for once."

Kurotsuchi could practically hear the pieces literally falling into place in her companion's minds.

"Hah!" Ichirou barked out a loud laugh. "Hahaha! Well now! I'm impressed and embarrassed! To think a civilian put things together faster than we did!"

"Representing the normies." Naruto patted a fist on his chest twice in some childish attempt to show pride.

The man shook his head bitterly and got up, walking around Kurotsuchi in the process. "I have to admit. You've given me a lot to think about kid."

"Anytime. People don't think enough. World would be a better place if more questions were asked."

Ichirou nodded. "Very true."

Crunch.

The man's face all but sunk into Naruto's face, sending the teen flying off of his chair and onto the floor.

"ICHIROU!" Kurotsuchi had moved the instant her "old friend" had turned aggressive, but even that close, she wasn't able to stop him in time. Instead, at best she held a kunai to his neck.

"Gah! You fucking asshole!" Naruto crouched down on the floor, cradling his face.

"Relax. I didn't hit him that hard. He's still conscious." The man didn't look the slightest bit apologetic for what he had done or worried that he had a knife to his throat.

"You assaulted my charge! I can have your ass for this Ichirou!"

"Hsssss. Ahhhhhh." Naruto rocked back and forth in pain.

"You can-"

"Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh."

Everyone turned to glare at the teen still on the ground.

"Ok. Now you're just-"

"Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh."

"You can stop now. We get it. It hurts. We know you're doing that on purpose." Ichirou deadpanned. Seriously, that was starting to get really annoying.

"Really?! And you sucker punched me in the face by accident?!" Naruto snapped. "I don't care how long it's been since you've gotten laid! You don't just go around punching every person that cock blocks you! Desperate lonely jackass! Go back to your single bedroom apartment and cry yourself asleep with your dick in your hand by yourself already! Fuck!"

"Should have hit him harder. Or broke his jaw. He's still talking." The man's fists tightened.

"Do it. See what happens." Kurotsuchi's knife pressed deeper into his neck. "I don't give a shit if he's annoying. He's still mine to watch, and letting you get even that one shot where everyone can see is going to hover over me for years. Thanks for that, by the way."

"You wanted to hit him as badly as I did."

"Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ahhhhhh. Hsssss. Ah-"

Thud.

"Ah?! Aha! Ack!" Naruto hunched over more as Kurotsuchi kicked him in the solar plexus, preventing him from breathing properly.

"For someone that's pissed that-"

Thunk.

Ichirou stopped talking due to the kunai stuck between his feet.

"Leave." Kurotsuchi growled. "Get the fuck out of here. And don't come back, or I will get rid of you permanently."

The man looked at her with an unreadable expression. His eyes and face were blank as could be, but at the same time it was clear to anyone that there was much going behind them. "You shouldn't turn down my generosity Kuro. It really is the chance of a lifetime. Last chance."

"I already told you. No." Her eyes narrowed.

Fissures ruptured the earth. Steam and gasses from below turned. The molten primordial broth of the world stirred, and everything above had no option other than to move with it.

Ichirou, as did everyone else in the room flinched. "That… that was…"

"I finally have a place for myself Ichirou. And I don't take well to people that try and take me from it."

For once, the man seemed to get the hint and took a step back. Whether it was in fear or on purpose was anyone's guess. "… Fine. Fine. You made your point. I won't bug you anymore about it. Try to be nice about things for once and this is the thanks I get."

"Nice people. Don't. Suckerpunch. Asshole." Naruto coughed from the floor.

"I said for once." He shrugged with a lackadaisical sigh before turning around. "Sorry about causing you trouble Kuro. I just got a bit overexcited. Barkeep. Put what they had on my tab as an apology. It's not much, but it's a start."

"Leave already." Kurotsuchi repeated. "I won't say it again."

"I heard you." Ichirou walked to the exit of the building before pausing for a moment. "Kid. You're an insufferable brat, but you did make a good point earlier about what's outside the elemental nations. Thanks for reminding me of that."

"Fuck. You."

o. o. o.

"Why did you antagonize everyone?"

Naruto and Kurotsuchi walked back to the training grounds. While Naruto had acted in pain for a good while, and had blood all over his face, Kurotsuchi quickly realized that her charge had already completely healed from his injuries. Knowing how unrealistic he was at times, she wouldn't be surprised if his nose had fixed itself before they had even left the bar.

"They needed a distraction that wasn't saturated in stupid." The disguised blonde shrugged.

"…"

"What?"

"I thought you said they needed a distraction that wasn't saturated in stupid." She glared at him.

"Hey. What I am, and what my distraction is, are two completely separate things." Naruto defended his actions firmly.

"I can't believe I'm having this argument." She muttered under her breath.

"Please. If you're having this much trouble now, then you'll never make it in politics." Rolling his eyes, the blonde recalled some of his past experiences. "Most of the people that make a living in it actually believe the bullshit they spew."

"So you don't think that we're under threat from outside forces?"

"Oh. No. We are. If we get noticed by the wrong guys, we're all proper fucked. And the odds of it happening are way higher than I want to admit." He ignored her skepticism. "But this way rumors are going to spread. Gossip spreads faster when it's encased in a juicy mystery that the public want to solve. The more curious people get, the more obsessed they'll be. It'll be a nice distraction from doing the normal bullshit routine of blaming everything on Konoha."

She couldn't argue against it. Instead of saying "It's not Konoha's fault, it's someone else's", and looking like he was defending the village, Naruto altered the argument to "the monster that attacked us wasn't originally from Konoha. What else is out there and can we deal with it?"

He wasn't defending the Leaf. No one would listen if he had done that, and likely it would have ended with more than just Ichirou attacking him. Instead he had given everyone that listened the idea that something worse was out there, and made them curious in the process.

"I thought you were allied with the Oogakari. I'm somewhat surprised that you'd just load all the blame on them like that."

"Eh. It isn't the first time I've thrown Ero-Ni under the bus. He deserves it a billion fold, and all in all, it isn't like this is the first time a population or two cries out for their blood. Worst thing that happens to them is they get labeled as criminals or they get run out of Konoha. Not exactly something to lose sleep over."

She stared at him skeptically. "That's… pretty bad all things considered."

"They're big boys and non-boy. They can handle themselves."

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"I'M A GIRL DAMN IT!"

"Gah!" Shikamaru jumped up from the tree he was napping against with a kunai in hand, smacking his face against a branch in the process. "Sensei! What did I tell you about yelling when I nap!?"

"SOMETHING CLEARLY AND VASTLY INSIGNIFICANT WHEN COMPARED TO THE FACT THAT SOMEONE JUST QUESTIONED MY GENDER AGAIN!"

o. o. o.

"Couldn't you have been less of a bastard doing it though? Even I was tempted to put you down just to make you shut up." She glared at him.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have been as distracting."

"And why did you need to be distracting?" She nearly snarled at him.

Naruto glanced back, his expression cool as could be. "Because you were actually starting to consider taking him up on his offer. You were considering betraying your home."

She stopped in her tracks.

He didn't.

"Despite how you talked to him, you didn't look like you were actually going to push him away anytime soon. Hell, you were letting him buy you more drinks, as if that wasn't a big enough tell. So, I decided to nudge you both in my own special way. People tend to be less convincing when they're agitated. Throwing in my spiel about outside threats further threw him and everyone off, making your decision easier. In the end, I killed two birds with one annoying stone."

"O-oi. You're joking, right?" She was annoyed by the jackass' behavior all day, but just because she was receptive of Ichirou's approach didn't mean she was actually considering his offer. "I wasn't going to just make a scene because he made an offer. You actually think that I would-"

"Actually bother to capture a spy that you clearly knew was working for the enemy? Perish the thought. That would be too easy and simple." He sarcastically answered for her. Despite the fact that the subject was hitting far too close to home for Kurotsuchi, Naruto maintained his casual and flippant tone as if they were talking about the weather or some idiot shinobi that blew himself up doing something stupid.

It was true. She knew what he was, and who he was probably working for. And she had let him go. The man probably had left the village by now, and would not return until everything was too late.

"You stalked me in the chunin exams." Naruto cut her thoughts off. "I remember your chakra from back then. You were a part of the group that came in after Han too. You never took your eyes off of me. Or your hands away from your kunai. Would have attributed it to the tense situation if it weren't for the fact that you always seemed twitchier when we were close to one another or you were focusing on me in particular."

"I…" What? She wanted to kill him? She had been confused? Distressed? There was no point in lying, but the truth wasn't much better.

"You didn't change much when I came here either. Though that could simply because of the situation." He continued. "But that look in your eyes. I've been on the other side of that glare for most of my life. You want to kill me, or at least hurt me to the point that I want to kill myself, because it would make you feel better. Not as intensely as before, almost ignorable now actually, but it's still there. It would give you the emotional high known as resolution. I can't say that I don't relate. The prick that offed my folks and landed me in this shitty situation in the first place is coming here, and I'm just as eager for my pound of flesh."

He turned around and looked down at her with eyes that seemed far older than his body. "What do you really want Kurotsuchi? Be honest. Power? Honor? Redemption? Family? Money? Peace? War? Revenge? What is so tempting to you that you'd risk everything you have right now just to strike down a person that already has a small army of the most dangerous people after his head?"

She took a step back. When the hell had their roles reversed with her on the receiving side of things.

"I don't see how that's any of your damn business." She ended up snarling in more anger than she would like to admit. "Right now I just want this whole mess over with and you out of my damn home. If you die in the process, then all the better."

He laughed. A bitter smirk that only served to piss her off even more.

"You don't know. Do you?"

She recoiled as if she was hit in the stomach.

"You had a goal. For as long as you could remember. Revenge? Power? A home? Something simple and straightforward that only a kid would imagine, but realistic enough to stay with you over the years. Long enough that you don't want to let it go because doing so would leave you without one of the few solid emotional crutches you have. Even if you do realize now that it's not as grand or helpful as you first thought it to be, it's practically imprinted into your psyche. And now that you've been trying so hard to move in another direction, some asshole's trying to put you back on the path. For old time's sake. And you're so damn tempted to go with it because it is like a drug. Addicting in all the right and wrong ways even though you know it won't do you any favors in the end."

"I… How…"

"Honestly. And here I thought I was the only one that had that problem." Naruto laughed bitterly, turning around as though he had lost interest in the woman. "I really have to stop thinking that everything messed up about me is unique just because of all the shit I've been in lately. How conceited can I be, thinking that insanity and stupid habits is only my thing back home? Sasuke would kick my ass if I ever acted that way around him."

He didn't seem to notice as several kunai flew just past him and impaled the earth in the road.

"Aaaah. But isn't it human nature to think that they're at the center of the universe? Wouldn't that mean I'm just exhibiting standard human stupidity in the end? I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel now by doing something so retarded…"

He did notice when a stone wall lurched up in his way.

Before he could say another word, he was grabbed harshly and turned around to stare straight into the enraged eyes of Kurotsuchi.

"Shut up, and listen, because I am this close to saying fuck it and stabbing you in the face right now. Damn the consequences."

Naruto had enough experience with angry women to know she was telling the truth, so he simply nodded and rose a skeptical eyebrow as if to say "you have my attention. Please, continue."

She poked him roughly on the chest. "I am not going to be lectured or psychoanalyzed by some insane brat, be it from Konoha, Iwa, or the ass end of nowhere. I don't care if you're a jinchuriki, a ninja, or even a fucking Kage. If I want your opinion, I will ask for it. Otherwise, shut, the fuck, up, or so help me I will tie you up and deliver you to Akatsuki myself with a bow on your twisted head."

The blonde didn't seem to be too perturbed by her attempt at intimidation if his bored look was any indication. He rose his eyebrow again, giving the universal "is that all" look.

A fist shot past his head and made a small crater into the wall behind him.

He didn't even flinch.

"What?!" She snapped. "Do you get off at being a jackass? Do you enjoy lording yourself over others? Fuck what I want, what are you after? What is so important that you'd come here for, risking your life for people that want you dead?"

"Seeing as you asked, I'm going to assume I can talk now." Naruto sighed, as if he was an old man talking to a child.

"What do I want? I want everyone to stop being fucking children, risking war over possibilities that don't exist and sheer paranoia because they can't get over their own insecurities. I want the fighting to stop. I want everyone to get along so I don't get dragged into someone else's fucking problem. Again. I want to go to sleep without worrying about the chronic nightmares about how terrible the true freedom of reality is and all the bullshit it entails. I want everyone to work together to realize that there's more out there and if we don't get our shit together we're all fucked. But right now? I just want all this to be over and done with already because I have more important things to do.

"And if that means I have to piss off a person or two in their own home because they don't want to think outside their personal bubble, and hurt their fragile little feelings because they can't make up their damn mind when the enemy is right outside the front door, then trust me, I'm not going to lose anymore sleep doing so."

o. o. o.

"Soon."

His extremely emaciated body sighed deeply, seemingly shrinking his physical size by half in the process.

"Soon it will start. Soon, the world will be on the path to peace."

A blue haired woman with a paper flower in her hair did not say anything as she stood next to his side. Together, they looked over the rocky mountain range that made up a large portion of the Land of Earth.

"You can feel it, can't you Konan?" The red haired man didn't turn to her, his voice almost labored. "We are on the precipice of changing everything."

Indeed. Ever since "Madara" had bestowed upon them the skill known as Presence, they had become… aware, for lack of a better term. Everything seemed to be more distinct now, as if they were finally realizing how to see the world for what it was.

What they were doing… it was without a doubt going to impact the future of the world. And the world knew it.

"It feels too convenient." She finally voiced her opinion.

"I checked all of our minds after Madara used his jutsu." Nagato reasoned. "He didn't leave any hidden illusions or commands on any of us. He kept his word. He simply implanted the knowledge needed to use Presence and related techniques."

"That's not what I'm worried about." She lied through her teeth. She was concerned about that too, but it wasn't what she meant. "This new technique. Iwa's current state. It's happening all too quickly. Too convenient considering our recent track record."

"You believe it is a setup."

"I believe there is something going on that we are being kept in the dark about." She reasoned. "The rebels fell into line far too quickly. They spoke of being attacked, but outside of a collapsed room, the base itself is unmarred and the men untouched. Even Itachi and Zetsu are incapable of incapacitating that many trained men without leaving some evidence behind. And from the few reports we've gotten, Iwa have gone through the same…"

"Oogakari. They'll fall in line with everyone else once we turn our sights onto Konoha. One step at a time Konan. First Iwa, then we can turn our sights on the bigger enemies."

"You seem confident that the Stone will fall fairly easily."

"They are crumbling from the inside out. Just a little more pressure is all we need to achieve victory." He was confident in their victory. Despite being one of the five great shinobi villages, Iwa was hitting hard times, and recent events had only made things worse. "No one can stand against the might of God, much less a village of the freshly broken. They will fall in line easily enough or they will die by my judgement."

"So it seems." She didn't agree or deny his statement. If anyone else had spoken to him like that, Nagato might have felt some irritation at the disrespect, but Konan was an exception. She knew him better than anyone else, had been with him longer than anyone else. If she had an opinion on the matter after all they had experienced that differed from his, then she had long since deserved it.

Before he could continue the conversation, his attention was drawn to a report being made to his Deva Path, his official public mouthpiece, at the rebellion's base.

"The Tsuchikage's granddaughter wouldn't cooperate." The shinobi bowed his head deeply. "She is more loyal to him than she is angry at Konoha."

"A pity. Unfortunate, but not too much of an issue." Nagato's Rinnegan seemed to glow faintly in the evening light. "She would have been a suitable replacement for Onoki for the people to gather behind once the fighting settled down. A familiar face that the locals could trust, but inexperienced enough for us to guide and instruct without too much difficulty from a distance."

"She can probably be turned with a little effort." The man pressed. "It wouldn't do well if she was killed in the uprising. The people have a soft spot for her. They see her as one of their own that happens to be Onoki's granddaughter than the other way around."

"You're fond of her." Nagato did not bother with dwelling on the plan. She would be captured if possible, and die if she resisted too much. She was not essential, merely convenient. He was more focused on how focused on the spy who was so focused on her wellbeing.

"We share some history, and some missions. We're not that close, but enough that it would leave a bad taste in my mouth to simply write her off." The man tried to play off his emotions. It was an admirable job, but his intentions were already known.

"Blood on the field is thicker than water in the womb. You hoped that she would follow such reasoning." Pain noted. "But faith is universal. The people will follow her if given the illusion of an option. Kurotsuchi shall be a target. Make no mistake though, if she remains uncooperative, she will be put down like the rest."

"Sir." Ichirou understood when he was given permission to leave and took it, vanishing within moments.

"A problem?" Konan asked Nagato.

"A minor inconvenience. If possible, it would be best to capture the Tsuchikage's granddaughter. There's a possibility she can be coerced to our side. Consider her a secondary target to the jinchuriki."

"Mmm. They have the Yonbi and the Gobi."

"Roshi and Han. The latter is no issue. He has been locked up in a facility since his encounter with the Kyubi." Nagato dredged up what he knew from the reports. "Zetsu and Tobi is more than enough to take care of him in such a location. It is Roshi that will pose an issue. He is more often than not in the company of Onoki. Both are notable veterans. It will be difficult to take them both at the same time without sustaining notable losses."

Konan actually turned to look at him. "Oh? It's not like you to take someone this seriously. I believe the last time you were this wary was when we were planning to take on Hanzo."

"Dust release is no laughing matter. Even I can't recreate its devastating techniques with certainty. There's also rumors that Roshi has obtained an unheard of mastery over the Yonbi in recent years. Even with Presence, such a combination is not to take lightly. If we are unable to split them apart, I might have to step in personally to prevent things from getting out of hand. After what happened to the Nanabi, I wouldn't feel comfortable unless we allocated at least six of our other members to them, and that's something that we can ill afford while trying to ensure our capture of the village at the same time."

"Fighting them in the village would pose a risk then to minimize damages. No doubt those two would try to lure us out of the village where they would be more comfortable with using large scale techniques. Then again, they don't know we are after the village itself as well, and assume that we are fine with excessive damage."

"We can afford some excessive liberties at the start, but they would soon figure out our intentions once the rebels join the battle. Still, the confusion would serve us well." Nagato closed his eyes. If anyone else saw him, they would have assumed that he had fallen asleep. "How is Deidara's progress?"

"Kakuzu's technique has proven to be unusually useful again. His threads not only join flesh and bone together, but they also serve as suitable temporary replacements for muscle fiber and nerves." Konan reported. "It's a temporary solution, and Deidara will have to stay in the rear lines for the foreseeable future, but it is more than enough for him to provide aid with his jutsu."

"Good. His presence and techniques will prove useful here. What has he said about his encounter with Oogakari?"

"Nothing that we didn't know already." She knew he wouldn't like the reveal, but she wasn't bothered by it. "The man's jutsu is disturbingly fast, and subtle enough that Deidara didn't know he was being attacked or manipulated until it was far too late. He tried to escape underground, so he did not actually see what was happening during Oogakari's episode. Regardless, he appeared to be hit with the same illusions as the rest of the village."

"Mmm. How vexing." Nagato breathed out slowly, enjoying the cool mountain air. Ame was his home, but even with the Rinnegan, he could do little about the stagnant quality of the air there.

"Is there a problem?"

He didn't immediately reply. "They know all about me Konan. Remember when Kakuzu came back from the land of Iron? "Keep to the three years, or the world will know where the seventh path sleeps." It was an Oogakari that gave him that message. Why? What do they have to gain from all of this? Their actions make no sense."

"They worry you that much?"

"And you are not? They know things they shouldn't. Things most of our members do not. That's enough to be concerned."

Konan didn't show it, but she was growing concerned. This was the most insecure she had seen Nagato in decades. "Do you want me to stay with you during the operation? We have enough forces to spare."

The Rinnegan user sighed deeply, opening his gaunt, rippled eyes. The Rinnegan had not looked so humane since Yahiko was alive. "No. You are the only one I can trust. I need you on the ground to be my extra pair of eyes on everyone else there. I'll be fine. We will need to be careful later on, but for now we will go as normal."

She took a moment to look at Nagato. Not Pain. Not Yahiko. Nagato.

"Soon." She turned and walked to the camp. There was still much to do.

"Soon." He agreed with her one word declaration.

Soon they would have peace.

Soon the world would know Pain.

Just a few more days to prepare.

o. o. o.

"Why have you called us Danzo?"

"And why is Tsunade not here yet?"

The warhawk didn't immediately answer Koharu and Homura as he slowly walked to his chair and sat down. "Tsunade-hime does not know of this meeting."

"I'm not liking this already." Homura grunted. "You've pushed your limitations multiple times already Danzo. Don't drag us down with you."

"Iwa's going to wage war on us."

The elders both paused from getting out of their seats.

"Excuse me?" Koharu shot him an angry look. "Danzo, if this is another one of your conspiracy theories…"

"Uzumaki wasn't with Jiraiya. Not until recently." The bandaged man took out several scrolls and placed them on the table in the room. "Tsunade knew the entire time. She sent Kakashi's team to bring him back, and I in turn sent some of my own people to follow them. They encountered the boy a couple of times, but he has proven to be stubborn till he encountered the Hyuuga Heiress. Uzushio. Moon Country. Then Demon Country. Apparently he is capable of flying now, making tracking all but impossible unless his followers possessed the same means of transportation. Until recently, he was travelling with the Priestess back here as part of her escort until Oogakari's episode. The girl apparently saw something and informed him at the time. It was alarming enough that he made way to Iwa shortly afterwards, enlisting Jiraiya in the process."

"This doesn't make sense." Homura looked at a scroll and began to read the contents. "Oogakari is a fool to be sure, but if he claims something, he normally means it. Why on earth would Iwa be the one to declare war if he just said he stopped them from doing so?"

"His exact words were that he took measures to stop war from starting because of his actions. My assumption is that either the village was already going to go through with it eventually, or something is going to happen that will prompt them to do so regardless." He did not want to give those maniacs any credit if he could help it, but facts were facts. Those fools knew how to word their way out of a tough situation when the situation needed them to.

"He probably knew it was them to begin with, but didn't tell us because it amused him. Stupid man. If he wasn't likely to just vanish, I'd put him in jail for interrogation." Koharu grimaced. "You said you had people follow him."

Danzo nodded. "They are examining the space around Iwagakure territory, making sure not to attract any unwanted attention. Torture or not, whatever Oogakari actually did put the entire region on edge. Uzumaki has not been located yet, but we have confirmed the existence of his Seventh Sense in the vicinity. He may very well be in the Hidden Village for all we know."

"What on earth is Jiraiya thinking, going along with this?" Homura frowned.

"Admittedly, the situation may be severe enough that he felt there was no option other than to go with the boy. There is much we still don't know." Danzo noted. The Sage was easily the most insufferable of the Sanin, but he was not a complete fool. While he was no Orochimaru, Jiraiya remained a talented spy master. He knew better than anyone the risks of being in the heart of enemy territory.

"And we can't ask them through any means now lest we risk them in the process." Koharu shook her head. "Knowing is well and good, but we literally cannot do anything with this much Danzo. We do not have the time nor the information."

"Regarding Uzumaki, we do not. At least right now." The warhawk agreed. "However, there is another loose end we can use this against. One that we have ignored for far too long."

He took out two more scrolls and put them on the table.

"The first is a cursory psychology examination and observation made by my men of Uzumaki's current mental state. The second is a portion of what I've gathered on the activities and actions of the Oogakari over the past five years."

Koharu and Homura froze. "Danzo. You don't mean…"

Neither elder noticed the slight spike in chakra, or the faint red glow underneath the bandages on the side of the man's head.

"They've stepped over the line far too many times to count. We have ignored their actions since they stepped foot in our home, but this time? This time they've gone too far. We can't ignore them anymore. For the sake of the village, the Oogakari Clan must learn their place, or else they will lose their spot in ours."

o. o. o.

Omake:

Throwing Ghost under the bus:

Naruto and Ghost were standing at the side of the road, waiting for the next shuttle to come by to pick them up.

Just before it arrived, Naruto suckerpunched him and threw him right in front of the tires.

He claimed the man tripped.

o. o. o.

Naruto and Ghost were waiting for the next train at a normal, everyday station.

Naruto threw Ghost onto the tracks.

Everyone believed him when he said the man had jumped.

o. o. o.

No one even knew how Ghost wound up tied to a chair underneath a space shuttle thruster just moments before it launched without anyone noticing.

o. o. o.

Naruto and Ghost were eating a fancy dinner at a restaurant with a small group of high profile businessmen and Family members.

Pffrt.

Naruto slowly scooted his chair away from Ghost and gave the man a disgusted look.

Ghost opened his mouth to say something to his asshole student.

Then a bus fell on top of him.

Thankfully, the table and everyone else's meals remained untouched.

Naruto looked around confused. "Who did the bus?"

Dio Brando lifted up a fork but didn't look up from his meal. "Didn't have a road roller. Had to improvise."

"Ah. Ok then." Naruto went back to his ramen.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Naruto's and Ghost's relationship has evolved into a give and take of stupid misery.

Thanks Kagaseo for betaing.

So no chaos yet. That's in the next chapter.

And oooooh boy. Spoilers. Naruto's gonna be piiiiiiiiiiiissssssed.

Sorry for this being so late. Most of my time has been sunk into work…

… And Horizon Zero Dawn…

… And Nier Automata.

Ghost: Eheheheheh. I love camera angles.

Shadow: Please. Scab and I can kill your boner for Aloy and 2B easily.

Ghost: Bullshit!

Shadow: Ok. You see all that hair on Aloy's head? That crimson mess of dirt and oils?

Ghost: Yeah?

Shadow: What are the odds that women shave in that world?

Ghost: … Urk. Hurgh?!

Dear lord. You'd lose your dick in that jungle and never find it again.

Scab: My turn.

Ghost: No! 2B is a hot android wifu in a maid outfit with a blindfold! You can't…!

Scab: Remember what happened the last time you tried to have sex with an android I made?

Ok. While Ghost cries in a corner, let's get back to things that matter.

First. I'm sick atm. Which sucks.

Second, my birthday is tomorrow, which would be awesome 'cause its Friday, but I'm sick, which sucks.

Still gonna see Ghost in the Shell after work with friends though. Fuck the annoying children bitching about white washing and the reviews. Johanson actually looks the damn part for fucks sakes. The movie looks good and will tickle my nostalgia bone. I don't expect it to be the best thing since sliced bread, but it actually looks solid for a live action, and that should be reason enough to check it out.

I'll try to get the next chapter out this month. Really, I'm sorry for stalling for so long. The second half of the chapter fought me more than it should have.

On a side note, while many of you know that I've been playing with the idea of writing a book, I've noticed that many other big authors here also tend to set up pages to support similar goals. Covering production, shipping and manufacturing costs and the like.

And I'm thinking, I haven't made any final decisions yet, but I'm thinking, of setting up a page soon-ish once I do start on working on a genuine book. I wouldn't start anything up until I get my shit together first. Don't want to do things half assed. I get all panicky when real money is a factor in whatever I do. Makes things more real and a genuine factor on my life.

Problem is, I don't know how to do this. Both the whole, writing and publishing a book bit, and the bit. General processes. Who to talk to. Suitable rewards for . That sort of stuff. Kagaseo, my good friend, made and published his unique story online, but if I do go through with this, I want mine actually printed. Greedy, expensive, and harder to do, yeah, but that's just my personal preference. The tangibility of a good book in your hands is something that's hard to ignore. Like holding one of the Game of Thrones books in your hands… though hopefully I don't spawn something as massive as those.

So if anyone can give me some advice on what would be solid rewards, and how would I actually go through with contacting a publisher to produce a book to sell in stores, please let me know.

On other news… Fifth season of Samurai Jack is fucking amazing, the new episode of Rick and Morty is hilarious, and they actually announced that Invader Zim is coming back.

It's a good time to be alive.

So that's about it this time guys and not guys. I'll let you know about the thing when I get to it, but please don't get your hopes up or ask every month if I'm getting to the story yet.

REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NARUTO PLANED FOR THREE WEEKS BEFORE THROWING GHOST UNDER A CRASHING SATELLITE INFESTED WITH ALIENS! AND REVIEW AGAIN!