Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

27. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six: The chapter where pretty much everyone shits themselves for one reason or another, and the local janitors get a bonus for keeping their mouths shut post cleanup.

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

He was running.

Of all the things that could have happened, that he could have guessed would have happened…

This wasn't one of them.

It all made sense now.

The others had been captured. Or killed. He couldn't verify it. He was vastly out-gunned and out-manned.

He had to escape. He had to warn someone. He had to-

A brief flash, a sense of vertigo, and the world faded.

o. o. o.

Waltz sat next to his brother, waiting for the latter to start the conversation. Scab was not much of a conversationalist, but he knew when he was expected to take queues.

He was in pretty sorry shape for being one of the most powerful individuals in the multiverse. Encased in plaster, wrappings, and seals, his body needed a good deal of machinery to help him with several bodily functions.

Such as breathing.

Had he been anyone else, Scabbard would most certainly have died by now. The fact that he was awake alone was nothing short of miraculous.

The old man's treatment had only been enough to help the genius return to consciousness and use his eyes. Considering his failure, he didn't deserve anything more at the moment.

The room was silent, save for the periodic beeping of devices and mechanical lungs pumping. The two immortals stared at one another without a word.

What happened?

Electric pulses traveled through the air and triggered the neurons in Waltz' brain used for communication and comprehension. The old man had to force his natural defenses down in order for it to work. It would be impossible for the signal to get through otherwise without burning flesh and hair.

"Shit's going to happen. We need extra hands and management. Same old same old."

The room was eerily quiet once more.

The girls?

"They're adjusting. Things were a bit messy. Ghost let his temper get the better of him again, but nothing permanent thankfully. Hana's a bit shaken up and might need some time, but she could be worse. We need to keep things tame for a bit though. Entire place is on the verge of recoiling. The kid wouldn't take it too well if that happened."

As expected, Scab didn't respond. He was never particularly talkative when he had to play catchup.

"Dima's here, alongside his two runts. Crypt killed the third, but you know that already." Waltz threw in. "Poor brats are scared shitless of us. Big surprise there. They're holed up in our place for now."

Don't touch my-

"Don't touch your stuff. Yeah yeah, we know. Don't worry. That was one of the first rules we went over. Right after not going into Crypt's room and elaborating on how horribly they'll die if they even think about Shadow's stash." Waltz rolled his eyes. Even after all this time, the youngest brother of the lot was still paranoid about everyone taking his things when he's not around.

If Scab could actually look up at Waltz, he'd be giving his brother one of his patented (true story) emotionless stares.

The room was silent once more.

I see Danzo's getting confident again.

Neither of them bothered to acknowledge the small slew of seals carefully hidden throughout the room, keeping track of the paralyzed man's every possible action.

Every possible visible action at least.

"Let him have his fun for now. It's not like it will amount to anything actually important in the end." Waltz shrugged. The warhawk was focused in the wrong direction, as usual. He was too busy trying to preserve his power to focus on his actual job. How disappointing.

… So what is the decision? Do we display it just here, or are we aiming for a wider audience?

"It's still up in the air, but given what's involved, we might do a few side VIP shows to keep things safe. Not too much, not too little."

Mmm. I figured as much. With that many people, Naruto's probably going to tell the instant we set things up.

"He'll be annoyed at best. This isn't out of the realm of expectation." Waltz brushed off his brother's concern.

Throughout the entire conversation, Scab's pulse, breathing, and readings remained completely steady and even. If a nurse were to come into the room, she would not be able to tell he was conscious in the slightest. Something's bothering you.

The old man held back a click of the tongue. He hated it when he was read so easily. Much less by a person that was more vegetable than human at the moment. "My hairs are standing on end. Ghost's screwed something up again, but I'm drawing a blank and can't narrow it down. Can't figure out what it is and it's bugging me like an itch I can't scratch."

It has to do with Naruto. Obviously.

"Obviously." Waltz rolled his eyes. "Problem is that we'll have to wait to get anything more concrete. There's no point in going out to find him now."

I've narrowed it down to a few hundred possibilities, but that's not enough to start asking questions. Scab's facial muscles twitched barely enough to frown. There wasn't a lot that would make Ghost nervous and actually put in effort to hide his misdeeds. But on the other side of the coin, it was also incredibly difficult to get Ghost to admit to anything he really didn't want to talk about. The best thing they could do was just wait and see what happens.

He hated waiting. One of the few things he absolutely despised outside of fangirls was being left out of the know. Mistakes and false assumptions were made whenever that happened.

"Nothing we can do about it for now." Waltz sighed, shrugging his massive, heavy shoulders as he got up. "I'll leave you to your malicious world domination pondering."

Shut up and go make pancakes pinkie.

"At least I can cook without making eldritch abominations." It wasn't spoken about often, but well known none the less. Despite being a genius and multiversal level alchemist, Scab was utter shit when it came to the kitchen. Even Crypt could at least pump out edible dishes, and he didn't know what he was doing most of the time.

After the mad genius accidentally opened the third portal to some rather unsavory realms trying to make a crepe, it was agreed that he would not be allowed near a stove or oven without proper supervision.

The silence in the room this time was unnervingly eerie. Scab didn't take failure well.

"Fine fine. Have fun sulking on a bed pan. Knowing you, you'll somehow get some sexy nurse to tend to you just to piss off Ghost." Waltz left the room with a dry smirk on his face. Even if Scab was awake, he was not going to get better for some time. Ghost's punishment had done considerable damage to their brother. Timespace manipulation was a tricky art, and it could lead to some very interesting side effects if done right.

In this case, Scab was not only locked in his current warped body, but said body was incapable of healing at an accelerated rate without outside help. Waltz would step in every once and a while to help, but right now the Legacy's Prophet was trapped in a very painful and fleshy prison, unable to move, talk, or even clean himself.

Soon after Waltz left, a shinobi seemed to melt from the ceiling and land silently in front of Scabbard. Fully clothed and masked, it was impossible to tell the newcomer's sex.

With the grace and practice of a trained killer, the individual slowly walked forward to their target, kunai in hand, ready to strike at a moment's notice.

And then it stopped.

Not out of trepidation, or fear, or any reason that was its own.

It stopped because it was paralyzed via high frequency electrocution from the floor. The poor fool could not even scrounge up the self-control and focus to flare their chakra, much less escape.

Scabbard was trapped within the prison of flesh and blood that he called his body, but so long as his mind functioned and his fire burned, he was still nothing short of an eldritch monstrosity threatening the natural order of all things.

A single shinobi. A hidden village. Both were so impossibly distant from the crippled man's level that they may as well have been the same thing from his perspective.

You'd think the idiot would learn by now. The bodiless voice sighed, causing the would-be attacker to barely twitch in alarm, as Scabbard allowed himself to be heard by the third party for the first time. If Danzo really wanted to be careful, he should have at least ordered you to come in as an orderly so people wouldn't ask questions if you vanished. How sloppy.

Slowly, unnaturally, a peculiar white metal coil melted from the floor seamlessly in front of the rapidly terrified assassin, moving higher and higher until it the tip was less than a meter away from the prey's face.

Now then, what can you tell me about current events?

No one outside the room knew what happened. No screams were heard. No blood was seen. No alarms were raised.

And no body was found.

At the very least, the victim fulfilled one of Danzo's instructions. It never revealed to the world the existence of ROOT.

o. o. o.

A rusted iron door opened loudly, exposing a room filled with sealing arrays and chains.

A lone man, a giant among normal humans, barely lifted his bald and weathered head to look hat his visitor. "… Oh? Well, this is new. Is this a conjugal visit?"

Floating in mid-air, the Tsuchikage looked down on Han with an annoyed glare. He didn't take note of the door closing behind him. "You look passable, Han."

"Passable. Heh. If this serves as passable, I'd hate to see what would make you disappointed." The jinchuriki didn't look up, too busy examining his naked and scarred body, scratches littering nearly every square inch of flesh he had. His reward from his fight years ago.

The old man didn't take the bait. "… The Gobi. His name is Kokuoh."

Han froze, the smile on his face no longer there and his mind now in two places. "… How… do you know that?"

If Onoki was pleased by the reaction, he didn't show it. "Kurama told me."

"Kura…?! The Kyubi? Namikaze?!" Han's near lethargic state vanished instantly as his body stiffened in shock and clear irritation.

If the old man needed proof that the Gobi was listening in on the conversation, he now had it. "That mercenary group, Akatsuki. They're after the biju. All of them. Apparently they want to wake up something that even the beasts don't like talking about. Something that requires all nine of them."

Han breathed heavily, his temper ebbing as the chains and seals in the room sapped him of his strength. "You think they're coming here. Namikaze… no. You didn't. You accepted his help, didn't you?"

"They already came. They're doing it again in force this time. Supposedly, the leader has the Rinnegan. The boy and the fox seem pretty confident about that part. Something about your father, Kokuoh?"

The trapped man grimaced as his tenant raged. "I don't give a shit what you think old man, but the monster doesn't like you using his name."

"Too bad. The way things look right now, both of you are probably going to die by the end of the week if things go south." Onoki had dealt with many cruel individuals over the years, but at the very least, Biju were extremely easy to read once you knew which buttons to push. "So, biju. Tell me, what is this monster that needs all nine of you to wake up?"

Han struggled against his binds, seemingly not caring about his predicament or how helpless he was. After a certain point though, he calmed down, almost as if he was distracted listening to something else.

"He says, they call it the Ten Tails. It's a monster that can destroy the world, supposedly." Han started slowly. "It wouldn't tell us that much unless you mentioned the Rinnegan. If those guys actually have it, then there really is a chance they might be trying to bring it back."

Onoki's scowl deepened slightly. He had only given Han bits and pieces of what he had learned from Naruto, but regardless, what Han, or rather Kokuoh was divulging was lining up perfectly with the blonde's claims. The monsters had no reason to lie. A beast that can destroy the world? Onoki would not have even bothered to consider such a force a possibility had he not seen Madara and Ghost act without restraint with his own eyes. As far as he was concerned, anything was possible at this point. "Looks like that annoying shit was not spewing hot air after all then. What do you think of it then?"

"I think it's all meaningless. Myths and tales to scare stupid monsters and senile old men." Han grinned savagely. "Obviously the kid has gotten along with his monster to learn a few things and worm his way in here. Let me out of here Onoki, and I'll finish what I tried to do three years ago."

"Humph. You barely managed to survive three years ago, and you're weaker now than you were then." The Tsuchikage snorted. "Not only that, but the boy is obviously stronger now than he was before. Roshi compares him then and him now to night and day. Don't embarrass us and the village with your selfish daydreams. I have enough on my plate as is."

"You worthless old coward! Namikaze is here and you do nothing?! Just because he comes with this fanciful story of creatures that don't exist and old bedtime stories?!" Chains rattled, straining against the large man's efforts to reach forward and grab the Tsuchikage.

"As far as worthless mindless fools like you are concerned, Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha were nothing more than bedtime stories as well! But mark my words boy, their power was real! If the stories did anything, it was to downplay the insanity that they could conjure! Hell, Hashirama was the one that captured and sold us the Rokubi and the Gobi to Iwa in the first place!" Onoki matched Han's fury with his own. "The boy came here for a reason, and it was certainly not to beat you to near death again to beat his old time!"

"You!" For the briefest of moments, an inhuman power leaked out of the entrapped man, crimson fumes ebbing out from his pores fast enough to be visible, only for the power to be stamped out instantly as the inscriptions around the room activated and locking him down tightly. "I'll kill you! I'll kill Roshi! I'll kill anyone that gets in the way of getting revenge on Namikaze! The man! The boy! His descendants! So long as his blood is around I won't be able to rest!"

The old man retreated slightly, unprepared for the vicious reproach he received. Han had always been unstable, but this was taking it to a new level. Or, had the old man been wrong the entire time, and this was Han's nature all along?

Regaining composure, Onoki locked eyes with his weapon. "… Why Namikaze? He defeated you, that is true, but are you so ill prepared for failure that you let it drown you? Is it honor? Pride? Revenge? Why are you so invested that you ended up like this?"

"I'm not supposed to be defeated!" Han bellowed, his loudest declaration yet. "I am Iwa's pride! I am Iwa's victory, crushing all enemies! I'm not supposed to get along with other people! I'm supposed to fight and win no matter the cost! That is my purpose you gave me! That is what I am supposed to be! And then Namikaze took it away! I was stripped of it all! What else was I supposed to do!? Without victory, I am useless! Pointless! Less than dirt! Everything was gone! I was thrown away when I tried to rectify my failure! I killed so many that tried to stop me from fixing the mistake, but they wouldn't let me! You wouldn't let me! Then that bastard dies not by me but by his own hand! And I was forgotten here! Then! Then! Then then then Then THEN! The boy! That little shit becomes all anyone can talk about! I still had a chance to fix everything! I broke free! I hunted! And I had him! I had him I had him I had him but HE DIDN'T DIE! He was just like his father! And I'm here again and you won't let me do what needs to be done and this FUCKING MONSTER IN ME WON'T SHUT UP!"

This time Onoki completely faltered. Han was completely mad and out of his mind. In his excited rage induced rant, the Jinchuuriki to drool uncontrollably and his eyes turned bloodshot. The jinchuriki thrashed wildly, causing his bonds to rub harshly against his skin and make him bleed vigorously, not that the prisoner seemed to care.

An insane Jinchuriki. Completely senseless and wild, a liability that was as likely to kill friend as foe in their attempt to get what they wanted.

Onoki had seen it before on multiple occasions. Every time he did, he had hoped it would be his last.

Was it the overwhelmingly corrupted power of the Biju? The voice in the back of their minds? The treatment and the way they were raised? The strength they had? All of them? None? What was the factor that made Jinchruiki so different than normal people mentally?

Roshi preferred to spend his time alone drinking. In his youth, he often got into fights with other people, alcohol or not, and obviously rarely trusted anyone. It was only because he was older and more experienced that the man had calmed down a bit, but he still preferred to be alone whenever possible.

Han was always unstable, but he had been sealed up at a young age. For all anyone knew, the man had been born that way. He had been chosen as a host more for strategic reasons due to his lineage stemming from Kiri and his impressive chakra levels.

Naruto, he didn't know much, but the boy was impossible to read or follow consistently. His emotions and behavioral patterns were all over the place, whether it was for fun or to mislead potential enemies. Was it a result of the people around him? The biju? Was the boy simply twisted? Did something happen to him?

He didn't like it. The biju were monsters, and turned their vessels the same one way or another. Power was important, but all of it seemed to be coming to a head lately.

"Let me out old man! Let me out and fix everything! Let me out so I can kill!"

Onoki didn't respond. He had nothing more to say to this failure in human flesh. Instead, he just turned around and made for the door, no longer able to handle looking at the madman thrashing about. He doubted that Han could even tell what was happening anymore.

The Tsuchikage left the prison, hoping that he could make sense of the world once more before it all fell to hell again.

o. o. o.

"Well. Here we are. Home sweet home."

Shion's pavilion stood still in front of the great gates of Konoha, waiting for inspection to do their job before being allowed inside. After Orochimaru's attack several years ago, security had been upped when it came to high profile visitors and large groups of shinobi. Even if the shinobi were natives, there was always a chance that someone wasn't on the up and up.

"So straight to Hokage-sama after this, right?" Sasuke asked, leaning against the inside wall of the gate while waiting for his papers to be cleared. For some reason it always took him and Kakashi longer to get through the checkpoint than others. Even if they were masked, you'd think that just flashing the sharingan would be enough proof that they were who they said they were.

… Then again, given the dirty looks some people shot Kakashi every now and then, it could just be their way of getting back at his teacher. The scarecrow was a bit of an ass at times. Not as bad as the Oogakari, but pretty high up there.

"Given the situation, I don't see otherwise." The accused didn't bother to acknowledge the fact that something was amiss, nose deep in another book. "Normally, nobles and other individuals of importance are taken to one of several well-guarded and affluent residential villas so they can stretch out and manage their personal issues before dealing with business, but with such a prominent entourage, it's only natural that Tsunade-sama would want to talk to Shion-sama sooner rather than later."

"I… should probably sit this out then." To the side, Ino shifted uncomfortably, prompting Chouji to rub her shoulders gently. Ever since she had found out she had been used to spy on others, the Yamanaka had been rather subdued and made it a point to avoid any gatherings where secret information might be exchanged. She didn't know just how badly she had been compromised, and until she was absolutely certain that she was clean she didn't trust herself with her friends' safety.

"We're going straight to Inoichi-san." If Ino was more submissive, Chouji was the complete opposite. His short temper and aggressive approach to the rest of the trip had made him one of the most active people there. It was completely unlike him unless someone had heard the whole story.

No one argued against the setup. Tsunade would understand completely.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone minus Ino and Chouji were headed for the Hokage's tower, relaxing only slightly in the nostalgia that was home.

"So this is where Naruto grew up." Shion looked around curiously, watching the villagers go through everyday life and the buildings pass by. "I can see why people make such a big deal about hidden villages. Even the capital city of the Land of Demons is not this well maintained."

"They have to be." Kakashi strode past her, still not looking up from his book. "A hidden village is a country's image of physical might. A lot goes into maintaining and enforcing a massive military force, so the five major villages serve not only as military bases but trading posts as well in order to sufficiently sustain the large populations and resource requirements they have. Of course, you are only seeing one of the many sides of Konoha."

"No doubt." Even though she was not trained in the shinobi arts, Shion was sharp enough to see the quick side glances she was receiving by the seemingly innocent and harmless civilians she passed.

"Didn't you say that you had been here once before for the Chunin Exams?" Shino broke his silence skeptically.

"Mmm. But I was only here for a day or so before the events, and evacuated almost immediately after the situation was controlled. I did not have much opportunity to see your home firsthand."

Even in a time of peace, there were people that were high strung and ready to move in an instant. Then again, she might be mistaken. Perhaps peace made these people all the more unnerved?

Speaking of unnerved…

Shion looked down at her hands to see that she was shaking again. Her nerves were dancing with increasing fervor and her breathing was more strained.

Shaking her head, the teen returned inside her pavilion and reached to the other side were a small golden fox was curled up and pretending to sleep.

She pet it a few times, letting her fingers flow through its silky smooth fur, and breathed deeply. Soon enough, her body and nerves had calmed down.

Only the shinobi, Taruho, and Shion herself knew of Naruto's clone. All of her aids had had their memories wiped of Naruto by Ino, Sasuke, and Kakashi. It was not something she was particularly pleased about allowing. The people tending to her were some of her closest consorts and aids. People she trusted. But even so, she knew the risk of possibly knowing too much better than most. She could not expose them to that sort of danger.

Her relapses were harsh at first. Almost painful. She had no idea that she had suffered from such a condition in the previous timeline. Or did she only contract it because she had traveled back to such an extreme situation? Things had already changed so much. She didn't even know why she had been unconscious for so much longer this time around. It just didn't make sense.

Forty five minutes.

That was how long she could go cold turkey before her body started to rebel against her wishes and she started to crave contact with Naruto like some sort of pathetic drug addict. It was humiliating and made her want to cry at some points. She had managed to stretch it out from the original half an hour, but it was still a paltry amount of time that was just embarrassing from her perspective.

Judging from the occasional looks that Hinata gave her, the Hyuuga was of the same opinion.

The clone Naruto made didn't exert chakra into the air like the original, so simply being near it wasn't enough for Shion's symptoms to be tempered. She needed physical contact. Thankfully, no one in the village save for those in her entourage knew that the jinchuriki could turn into a fox, so there was little risk of being seen petting it in public.

"Shion-sama." Taruho looked at her concerned.

"I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about." She placated her trusted aid and looked around the village again. She was not lying when she complimented the place. Even if it was supposedly not the largest or most affluent place in the land of fire, it was still a far better sight than most of the cities in her home country.

It was one thing to be carried through the main roads. It was another to walk the streets with her two feet. Konoha's forests and parks were near legendary if the rumors were anything to go by.

Soon enough, the group stopped in front of a large, yet stout red circular tower in front of the cliff at the back of the village. The giant kanji for fire on the front made it obvious that this was where the Hokage was located. Shion was admittedly somewhat disappointed. She had expected the building to be somewhat more grandiose, bigger, imposing, something that showed off strength. The design of it might serve some sort of tactical purpose, but she doubted it often acted as much being so far back. If an enemy force ever managed to reach that far into the village in the first place, odds were high that such designs wouldn't be of much use in the end against such a party.

Then again, this was a shinobi village. For all she knew, the building itself was just one big false target for outsiders to focus on without knowing any better. It's not like they weren't known for misdirection.

Naruto was a prime example of that. People believed he either didn't know what he was doing half the time, or that he did literally everything on purpose.

Knowing him, it was probably both.

Kakashi walked their group through the main entrance, taking point and talking to almost everyone in security that imposed their way to the Hokage. The few times he didn't, Hinata took charge. It looked like there were few places that the two of them couldn't get through rather quickly with their combined authority and reputation.

Shion simply kept quiet, flanked on all sides and ignored all the looks she was getting from the other shinobi. Apparently her entourage was impressive enough that people were probably going to ask questions later. Wonderful. She had been hoping that her stay in Konoha would at least be somewhat peaceful.

Naruto's clone was hidden in the sleeves of her elaborate robes. It was something that Hinata obviously didn't seem fond of, but relented given the situation. Shion had taken to petting his fur more frequently as they continued to travel inside the building, if only to find something to distract herself with.

There was a brief moment where their group passed two women in the hallway. The two seemed to recognize Kakashi's group, and judging from their attempts to ignore and pretend the former party, said group recognized them as well.

When Hinata asked Kakashi about who the women were after they were out of earshot, he obviously bluffed and seemed to bury himself into his book as far as he could go. Sasuke and Sakura weren't that willing to divulge any information either if their refusal to make eye contact and increased sweating was any indication.

How odd…

A sudden chill went up her spine. Not from the cold, but as if something large had suddenly rocked everything around her by moving.

"Hm? You lot finally back?"

Shion looked forward and up. And up. And up.

There were so many things wrong with the literal titan of an old man that she didn't know where to start. First of all was that she had never seen someone that tall before in her life.

Second was that he obviously wasn't human… or of this world.

"Hoh? Now that's a look I haven't seen in a while."

Every line on him. Every vein, every fissure on his frame was outlined with a near radioactive dark blue of such purity that she would never find the words to properly describe it. The man's very body seemed to stick out of reality itself, and she swore that the space around him was bending slightly around his body as he moved.

How on earth did no one notice these things?

"Is there a problem Sensei?" Hinata asked somewhat skeptically as the old man focused on the progressively terrified Shion closing in on her with a clinical gaze.

"Why are you so interested in Shion-sama?" Taruho attempted to get in between the immortal and his charge, but was literally pushed away without a second thought. A small gust of wind would have a better chance against a mountain.

"Poor thing. You've seen quite a bit lately, haven't you?" Waltz sighed, his voice full of pity and age as he bent forward and looked at her in the eyes with his own. She was mesmerized by the pure stone blue gaze he possessed. A cold mineral that no gem or metal matched in purity.

"Who… what are you?" She couldn't help herself from asking the question. Their encounter had come so suddenly that she had no time to prepare.

The old… thing's, mouth twitched, as if amused by her question, before standing straight again. "Just someone that's been around for quite some time. I'm going back to the hospital, if any of you want to stop by to say hello to a lonely old man. Or abuse him for knowledge. I'm fine either way so long as I don't get set on fire again."

Fwoosh.

No one said a word as the top of Waltz's head spontaneously combusted.

"I'm assuming that Shadow's somewhere nearby." Sasuke noted.

"Eheheheheheheheheheh." A bodiless female voice giggled maliciously.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Shion spotted the shadows and silhouettes in the hallway flicker and deepen with an intensity that was simply not natural.

"Shikamaru's giving a report to international relations." The old man sighed, significantly less imposing and impressive than he was just moments before. Oddly enough, he did not seem to be alarmed that he was on fire in the slightest. More resigned than anything.

"You have no one to blame but yourself then." Sakura chided.

"I know." Waltz wept.

Taruho sniffed the air skeptically. "Does anyone else smell…?"

"Don't ask." All the shinobi in the room replied as one.

It was only then that Shion realized that she smelled bacon.

"Hah. I'll be on my way then. Have to mask my scent before going into the hospital or else the damn place will be overrun by the Inuzuka hounds again, and I still have to pull twelve more clinic hours this week. Tsunade was not happy the last time that happened. Was cleaning up stool all blasted weekend." The old man walked past them, seemingly no longer interested in Shion.

She was too scared to turn around and watch him leave. She instinctively knew he was still paying attention to her. She could literally feel his eyes on her even when he was looking away.

"Who, was that?" Taruho asked, somewhat miffed.

"Waltz Oogakari." Kakashi shrugged. "Best doctor in Konoha next to Tsunade-sama and in the running for crankiest geezer in the Village."

"He's… very tall." Shion fumbled for words, not wanting to potentially insult him.

"He complains that hunching over to go through doors murders his spine." Tenten moved forward. For her, crossing the old man in the hallway was just another everyday occurrence. "Come on. If we stall any longer, Tsunade-sama's going to be snippier than she's going to be already."

That much was a given. All things considered, they were hoping that Tsunade would let her irritation show by the end of their debriefing. If she was dead calm, they all might as well start praying on their knees for a swift death.

Less than a minute later, they were guided in by Shizune into the main office.

Shion took a moment to observe the world's strongest woman sitting in front of her. Despite being in her fifties, Tsunade was without a doubt a beautiful woman with few equals. Her clothes were neither flattering, nor too revealing. It was just enough to show that she had more than most women ever would, and had no problems showing it.

The only thing that betrayed the Hokage's age was her eyes. The priestess had dealt with elders with less aged and experienced glares. The unwavering brown eyes betrayed nearly everything, and thus nothing, about their owner.

No one spoke. All the shinobi stood at attention save for the Hokage, with Shizune taking her place at the side of the room.

Tsunade broke the silence first, with a deep and tired sigh. "Leave. No one is to disturb us."

Shion blinked in confusion, looking around curiously to see who Tsunade was talking to. It was odd. No one had moved in the slightest despite the woman's clear demands.

"Don't worry. She wasn't talking to us." Kakashi lazily placated her, his book out once again. Wait, it was a different book this time.

Before she could ask what he meant, a soft series of clicks echoed throughout the room, including the door behind her, making her look around somewhat nervously.

"Ninja." Tenten smirked briefly at her small joke, knowing her one word answer pretty much would suffice any question Shion had.

"… Oh. Right." She flushed in embarrassment, realizing how obvious it was now. Of course the Hokage would have a personal hidden guard.

Tsunade wasn't done with securing her privacy though, as she made a few seals and pressed a finger onto her desk, making a massive seal array emerge and envelop the room in a matter of seconds.

This time Shion didn't need to wonder what the Hokage was doing. She knew enough about barriers to know a privacy seal when she saw one.

"You can come out now."

A dry, high pitched sigh broke the silence before Naruto's clone crawled out from Shion's sleeves and landed silently on the floor. It sat like a well behaved, if somewhat bored looking pet with tail lazily swaying left and right.

An instant later, the clone was in human form, standing casually with his hands in his pockets. There was no telltale pop, flare of chakra, or cloud of smoke.

The two blondes stared at one another in silence, their expressions unreadable. No one dared to break it.

"Shadow clone." Tsunade stated factually.

"Yep." The clone shrugged.

"It's that bad." She surmised.

"Yep." The clone repeated itself.

The Sanin leaned back in her chair, breathing deeply through her nose and closing her eyes and thought. She did not care that it made her very generous chest stick out far more than it normally did, giving those there a very interesting show. No one was stupid enough to call her out on it.

Opening her eyes, Tsunade stared at the ceiling and forced herself to relax. There was no point in working herself up now. Knowing Naruto, it was far too late for her to do anything about the situation itself. The best she could do now is damage control and hope that her favorite jackass pulled off whatever it is he set out to do.

"At the very least, you've cleaned up a bit. Unfortunately, your habit for getting yourself stuck in horrible situations has not improved in the slightest." It was a stupid and pointless thing to say, but it was the truth none the less.

"Preaching to the choir." The clone chuckled, self-deprivation flooding his body language.

"Mmm." She returned to leaning forward, resting her elbows on her desk and staring directly into his eyes.

"Report."

o. o. o.

Tsunade was pissed.

Naruto blinked lazily as he received memories of a clone made by the one he left with Shion.

"I wonder what it means when I feel safer here in Iwa than I do in Konoha."

"That we haven't been trying hard enough." Roshi tilted back, downing the last of his current jar of sake.

"Eh. Sounds about right. At the very least, there's way less people screaming here then back home."

"You good kid? You aren't being nearly as annoying as normal. Don't take that as a personal challenge."

"No. It's just the buzz of anxiety induced rage and frustration wearing off. I'm just running off of normal rage and frustration now. I'm coming down man. I'm losing my fix."

"Must be one hell of a high to last for days on end. I'm almost jealous." Roshi sat down on the ground next to the blonde.

"Don't be. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone without a solid healing factor. It does murder on your blood pressure."

"Death by self-induced madness." Roshi surmised. "All things considered, there are worse ways to go."

"Better than death by stupidity. That way just hurts thinking about it." Naruto snorted.

"No need to tell me that. You see all sorts of idiots in the middle of war." The old monkey scratched himself, taking in the view of the village. "So, outside of the idiots here, what do you think of my little patch of heaven?"

"You're not leaving me with much to work with." Naruto chuckled briefly. "It's all right. A bit bland though. Kinda explains why everyone here's so dull. Not a lot of happy people here."

"I believe that has something to do with your bastard mentor coming here earlier." The old man grunted, his good mood dropping.

He rolled his eyes and leaned back. "Fine, what is this place like when it's not in the middle of an existential crisis?"

Roshi shot the boy a withering glare that had no effect. "… Hard."

"If I wanted to deal with an old pervert I'd just talk to Ero-senin."

"I'm talking about the people here you dumbass." A fist sized rock smacked against Naruto's head hard enough to shatter. It did nothing to change the boy's bland expression. "You weren't completely wrong about the lack of smiles earlier. The people here are not unlike those in Suna. This environment isn't exactly the easiest to live and work with, and everyone here knows it. Everyone works hard to pull their weight. Showing weakness and compassion all the time isn't really endeavoring here. We have an analogy here. You only expose the treasure inside to those you trust, otherwise you'll be nothing more than worthless hollow dirt."

Naruto grimaced. "Yeesh. No wonder everyone has trouble getting along with the people here. It's a miracle anyone wants to do business with this village with an outlook like that. Is there anyone you guys actually get along with?"

"We have business partners, resources, annoyingly cheerful people that can tolerate us and won't go away, but yeah, for the most part we're not that well liked outside our borders. Why do you think I stayed away from my village for so long? I got fed up with it too, even if it's my home."

"But you came back."

"Eventually." Roshi relented. "Not exactly thrilled about it, even now, but home's home."

"Nostalgia's a dangerous thing. Can make you see things that aren't there, or never was there in the first place."

"Hah! I thought I was the old geezer here."

"Fuck that. General consensus out there is that if you're trying to be proactive and stuck dealing with time travelling bullshit for a few years, you automatically are stuck with the label regardless of what your physical and mental age you are." Naruto snorted.

"No kidding?"

"Time travel's bullshit man."

"Fair enough." Roshi really couldn't find an argument against the statement. "Bit of a change in topic, but care to tell me what happened between you and Kurotsuchi? She's been a bit jumpy and closed off since she took you out a few days back."

"Nothing much. Called her out on her bullshit. Made her question herself. Made a scene while she was being scouted by some asshole from the rebellion so she wouldn't do something stupid because there actually was a chance of it happening."

The old man didn't trust himself to say anything as the words sunk in. He took a few more moments to breathe in and out deeply to gather his thoughts. "You really are something special kid. Didn't think I'd have such a hard time deciding who to smack upside the head more."

"It comes with practice."

"Did that practice include tracking spies?"

"Idiot punched me in the middle of the bar. Didn't even know he tagged himself doing it. My clones followed him all the way to the enemy base that night. For a generic looking scrub, he moves damn fast underground. Most people would need a summon or be able to fly to cross that distance that quickly."

"And you didn't tell us because, wait. Let me guess, we have the advantage here and the fact that they lost the element of surprise, and combined those surpass the boost we'd get if we attacked them." Roshi groaned, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"Yep. Plus, there's no way you'd be able to amass a large enough force in time and send them to fight without being notice. Better to let the prey come to you."

"You sure are loose lipped right now. You not worried about someone listening in on this?"

"Wind Element Master. Capital letters." With a casual flick of his wrist, the gentle breeze in the village itself changed directions instantly. "Being able to keep conversations private is as easy as talking itself. No one but us can hear what we are saying. Our lips are blurred out too so they can't be read. Honestly, I'm pretty sure that I have the greatest mastery over the element the world has spawned. No joke. Wouldn't be surprised if Suna shelled out a good deal of secrets for me to teach them a thing or two in the near future."

"Convenient. Most of us here in Iwa tend to look down on the wind element as the weakest of the five. It takes too much focus and power to get the same results you get from other elements."

Naruto barked out a laugh, allowing the air to dance around his outstretched hand in a multitude of patterns. "Tornadoes and storms are destructive everywhere, so I'm not complaining when it comes to power. And wind beats pretty much everyone when it comes to raw versatility. There's next to no restrictions on what it can do if you know enough rules of nature and physics. Concussive blasts and blades. If you only think in terms of that, you might as well be a genin for the rest of your life."

"Heh. My thoughts exactly. Idiots here kept on wondering why we always had such a hard time against Suna with that mindset. They never learned good flexibility." Roshi grinned. "Speaking of flexibility, Goku's said that your mutual friend has learned a few tricks of his own since you've been gone."

Naruto's foxlike grin widened. "Of course he did. Exploring new realms and worlds. Seeing beings that even he wouldn't be able to take on. The idea that I might be able to beat him. It pissed Kurama off pretty badly. Getting stronger and lording over the rest of his siblings was an added bonus."

"Giant monster sibling rivalry. Such a lovely thing that is." The old man rolled his eyes before pausing. "The shit thrower's making a point though. The fox's Presence, he says it felt familiar, as if he should be able to do something similar, as if he had been something similar at some point."

Naruto didn't reply.

"Of course it's familiar. It's familiar because it's the truth." Kurama did, materializing on Naruto's head.

"Because it's the truth. You're going to have to be more specific than that." Roshi frowned.

"Humph. Goku. You're supposed to be the wisest of us. Out of the nine, you should have the least amount of trouble remembering what we really are and what we once were. When we were separate faces of everything that bore many faces ourselves. Before that infernal woman took us from our place." The fox's eyes bored into Roshi's, but there was no question that he was really looking at the Yonbi.

As much as they got along, there were still a good number of things that Kurama had kept secret from him. Especially after the biju had mastered his Presence to a certain point and seemingly began to remember what he really was.

Every now and then, Kurama would let something slip. Mostly about "that woman" and "that disgusting unnatural monstrosity". The tenant never went into detail about either when asked, saying that neither would be important unless otherwise stated. Naruto never pushed the subject, respecting his friend's privacy.

Maybe it was because they were away from their home world, but the Fox's Presence never truly stabilized itself during their trip.

On the other hand, there was still a horrifying difference in power and ability between the biju's abilities before and after said realization.

When the boy and his prisoner had their final battle to determine what they would do with one another, Naruto had barely, BARELY, managed to come out the victor. That was after he used Sage Mode, Presence, Level Two jutsu, and several disgustingly modified rasenshuriken based techniques that would probably have him jailed for life if he ever used in the outside world due to the unholy level of destruction they would cause.

Both fox and human were out for three weeks before they were even close to stirring.

"Careful Kurama. Remember how you reacted when you had your epiphany?" Naruto warned. "You were a downright pain in the ass. Confused and irritated for days. We need Roshi and Goku to be in top form for fighting."

"Kid? I'm starting to get that uncomfortable feeling that people have when dangerous things outside their range of understanding are about to happen." The old man eyed the approaching tail warily.

"… Don't." An almost hypnotized voice inside the old jinchuriki paralyzed him. "I… he remembers, but what? I, what did I forget? I know but I don't. The more I try to figure it out, the more maddening it is to me that I forgot it in the first place. Akin to the irrationality of mankind. Kurama. What did we lose? Tell me."

"I wasn't here when I remembered. I wasn't… home, in an appropriate setting." The fox chose his words carefully, slowly extending his tail to the uncomfortable Roshi. "The revelation was admittedly a shock, and did take some time to adjust to. It is not something I would reveal to the others so casually. Shukaku has always been unstable, and Isobu is split in half. Goku is one of the few of us that is rational and mentally strong enough to handle it within a suitable time frame."

"But here and now?" Naruto frowned.

"If not now, then when?" The fox peered deep past Roshi's gaze to meet eyes with Goku's. Aaaah. Yes. He remembered now. "Goku" was the name that their father gave him, "Yonbi" was his form, but his original concept was…

The tail was stopped just before making contact with the old man.

"You dare?!" The fox snarled, temper automatically at its peak. It was as if Naruto had intruded on something sacred and holy.

Truth be told, Naruto was pretty sure that the analogy wasn't that far from the truth.

Oh well. It wasn't the first time he had walked in on something like this before. Say what you want about Ghost's training, but at the very least, there was a very impressive list of unlikely scenarios and events that the blonde could claim he's done under his belt now.

"Sorry, but knowing our luck, we're going to have to move as soon as you do your thing. Priorities don't tend to work well with outside events that can't be controlled." Naruto sighed, knowing he was going to get a bit of flak for his interference. "You were insufferable enough for weeks on end when you stumbled upon yourself as it is. I don't want the old man and Goku to deal with a spontaneous case of that with a massive fight right around the bend. Even I'm not crazy enough to risk that."

"You…" It was clear that the biju wasn't taking being denied well.

Flick.

He probably didn't appreciate being flicked across the nose either.

"Shut up. Remember what we agreed on? We're supposed to listen to one another when it comes to shit like this." The blonde seemed to have no fear regarding the incredibly enraged creature on his head. "I know it's important, but so is making sure we aren't in the process of going mad when the fighting starts. You know I wouldn't get in the way of something like this unless it was important. Priorities man, priorities."

The Kyubi felt it more appropriate to growl malevolently at his host rather than argue with words. His mere anger and irritation literally shook the building they were on.

"I… brat. I was, I don't remember, but now I recall enough to know I've forgotten something important. Why does he have to be right? What did I forget? It's on the tip of my tongue!" Goku lamented loudly inside Roshi, who was rapidly developing a headache.

"Damn it kid. What the hell is that all about?" The old man grimaced, watching as the fox's unusually long tail retract.

"Remember that black stuff we used to get acclimated to the biju's corruption? Physical concepts?" Naruto sighed, ignoring the killing intent that Kurama was emitting. "Yeah. Turns out the Biju are like that as well, or at least partially, only they've forgotten after being turned into what they are by the Sage of… whatever. Forgot what the name was. Probably important, and I don't care. But yeah, it's like forgetting your own name and identity. As you can guess, telling them would be a bit of a shocking experience, one that would take a while to get over."

"My, name? My identity? Yes. No. What… damn it boy! Kurama! Why did you have to bring this up now!?" Goku roared loud enough for the other party to hear even when they weren't connected. "This is literally going to drive me mad until I find out! It's like I just realized I have a hole in my soul and am now remembering that it hurts!"

"Oi. Don't chew me out. Furball's the one that has shit for timing." Naruto glared at his companion. "Ignorance is bliss ladies and monsters. It's more than just a saying."

"Is there an issue?" Four ANBU appeared on separate corners of the building rooftop they were on. "Your biju is emitting a good deal of killing intent. Several of the people below are noticing."

"He's just cranky because I'm letting him have his way. It happens every now and then. You know how giant monsters can get." Naruto sighed haphazardly. "Oi. Kurama. Turn it down a bit will you? Things here are already hard enough to manage without more people freaking out. We get it. You're pissed. No need to let everyone know… of it."

No one missed the casual demeanor of the blonde drop to borderline emotionless at the last two words.

"Oi kid, what's up?" Roshi grimaced as he picked himself up.

"They're coming. One of the clones I sent out just popped." He let out a tired sigh, acting more like he was given an annoying chore than learning that the enemy was moving. "They're coming from the south west. I didn't get numbers, but large enough that it'll be another day before they're in position."

"A day?" One of the ANBU questioned. "How did you send out your clones that far? You haven't even been here for a week."

"I can fly, have a shit ton of chakra without relying on furball to the point that I was making thousands of the damn things when I was a genin, and have been abusing shadow clones in every conceivable way for half a decade. Use your imagination for something other than picturing my death for once." The boy's tone was dry and harsh.

Obviously, he couldn't say that he had tailed a spy that had tried to recruit Kurotsuchi, which is why he gave his accusers such an open-ended answer.

Everyone pretended to ignore one of the ANBU shifting ever so slightly in discomfort.

"Well? What the hell are you doing?" Roshi barked, clearly in no mood for games. "Go to the Tsuchikage and tell him already!"

They were once again alone on the building.

"Quite disappointing for being your elite." Kurama noted.

"We send the ones with actual people skills outside of the village. There's a reason why we give these idiots jobs that rarely have them seen by others. They're here for security and spying, and they are good at security and spying. If you haven't noticed, critical thinking isn't exactly focused on here."

"For Log's sake. I don't know if I should be happy or pissed that Danzo wound up in Konoha instead of here." Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. Seriously. If the old Warhawk had wound up in Iwagakure, the entire village would have been absolutely unbearable to deal with.

"Never, and I mean NEVER bring up such a possibility around me again." The older man shivered in equal amounts horror and disgust.

"I'll get you some strong booze in a bit." Naruto hissed, trying to purge the idea from his head.

"It better be either pure alcohol or a bloody gallon of it. Goku makes it near impossible to actually get drunk, let alone black out."

"Seriously?!" Naruto turned at him in disbelief. "But you're constantly downing the shit!"

"I'm an addict ok?! Goku makes my tolerance high, my body temperature high, and my recovery faster than most, so I barely get a buzz unless I'm perpetually chugging! I have to sink nearly my whole paycheck in order to keep it like that!"

"Fucking. Ok. You know what? Not now. We have a clock. You, get your ass in gear and start coordinating everyone. Goku. Stop bitching so Roshi can think straight. Kurama can tell you what you want to know when all this is over. I'll finish my preparations before spamming clones like rabbits in heat to scout the area outside the village. Kurama, calm your tits. I was right about your shit timing and my worse luck. Get over it. This isn't the first time this has happened." Naruto reluctantly took charge.

The Biju growled dangerously, but didn't say anything.

"Do you even know what we are doing?" Roshi questioned.

"Not in the slightest." The blonde stated firmly. "You do your thing. I do mine. And we all meet up in the training grounds for the bigger fight after I lure Akatsuki out. The confusion on our side from me being here will cause the guys we both don't like to question their orders."

"Confuse your allies to confuse your enemies. You really are an idiot. This could backfire amazingly for you seeing as you don't really have any allies here."

"Which will just show how brilliant, amazing, epic, and awesome I really am when it works and you will all bow at my feet for doubting it. Now move your ass old man. We got a mass murder to plan and prevent, maybe in that order."

o. o. o.

"What are you doing here?"

Waltz looked up to see the young priestess sitting across from him in his office. Surprisingly, she was alone. Unsurprisingly, there were people that were trying to listen in just outside his door. "Paperwork. As grateful people like to pretend to be for my services, they are still rather irritable if I don't fill out the right forms so they know what I did to who. I could cure cancer and the ungrateful people here would still make me go through all this crap… which is why I don't cure cancer anymore."

"You know what I mean." She didn't back down.

The immortal rolled his eyes and focused on his forms again, snapping his fingers to trigger the privacy seals in the room. "Believe it or not girl, despite my power, I am capable of willingly performing some community service from time to time. You can talk freely if you want."

"You're not human." She accused.

"I'm very human. Among other things. Just because I'm not exclusively one thing does not deny me the label. Humanity doesn't belong to just humans for that matter." The old man rebuked almost bored. "Naruto isn't completely human either. The Fox and the seal on him have turned him into something else. Does that instantly mean that he is no longer suitable for a human like you?"

The girl flinched. "You know of my intentions already?"

"Child, I have been doing this whole world jumping, reality altering, time fucking thing for a very long time. You might have a few notches in your belt, but I'm literally covered in them. Spotting a teenage girl crushing is not exactly high on the scale of difficulty."

"You look too rational for that to be true."

"Haha." His deep voice shook the room. "Me? Rational? Oh, that's funny. No, I'm just logical. Rational… no, I gave up on being that a long time ago. Kind, yes. Sympathetic, certainly. But rational?"

Shion allowed herself to puff her cheeks out in annoyance. "Fine. It doesn't matter what you are or what you perceive yourself to be. We both know why I'm here."

"No. You know why you are here. I can only speculate." The old man flipped his papers, the pen in his massive hand was comically small in comparison. "Curiosity. Personal health. Questions about how freakishly huge I am. My daily exercise routine. Explanations about the greater cosmos and beyond. My personal preferences and blood type. Your personal preferences and blood type. Etc. Etc."

"You're mocking me." She frowned.

"The world is a magical place. All you need to do is look. Sometimes the answer has been in your heart the entire time…"

"I'm dependent on Naruto!" She snapped, knowing that she was getting nowhere until she stopped beating around the bush. "When that black fire came, it drove me insane! I saw things that, I don't know what they were, but you obviously do! Naruto blocked it out and then I passed out and now it's like I'm a drug addict! I can't even last an hour away from him without my body shaking now! Everyone says that you were my best bet for addressing this!"

The old man didn't immediately look up. Instead he just sighed, still focusing on his work and letting an awkward silence set in. It left the girl feeling more and more uncomfortable with each passing second as she realized who or what she had just snapped at.

"Existential dependency. It happens occasionally when a being's mind, soul, existence, or definition has undergone significant external assault or stress, and soon supported by an external foreign entity." The man lectured after the young woman looked about ready to collapse from her self-induced stress. "Since you are new to the subject matter, I will simplify the terms for you, however, from what I have heard from the others about the event from an outside perspective, I can draw a few conclusions. First, is that your condition, is a good part your fault."

Shion stiffened. "Excuse me?"

The old man looked up. "You obviously didn't know or intended it to be this way, but it is none the less true. You forced yourself to temporally travel back to a period where Ghost was utilizing his power, shortly after you had already experienced that same event. A foolish and near suicidal endeavor if I've ever heard one, especially for a weak individual like yourself. Your very being was made incredibly unstable from your actions. If Naruto hadn't acted quickly, your mind and very soul would have shattered under the stress of what you witnessed."

"I… but… that wasn't the first time. That didn't happen the first time." Shion stammered. "Five years ago. When you first came…"

"Your powers triggered instantly in reaction to Ghost's power then. You were escaping it that time, not fighting against it." Waltz brushed aside her example. "I must admit, it's not often that someone outside of our level or notice finds a way around his powers. Well, on a smaller scale at least. You are a rare specimen child, but that is not always a good thing."

"What… what happened to me?"

The old man looked up tiredly. "Naruto kept you together, but that does not mean that you are no longer immune from falling apart. Just the opposite. Right now your very being is like a fine delicate crystal, closer to glass. You're at risk of shattering constantly if handled incorrectly or carelessly. Naruto was the one that prevented you from shattering, and because of your actions, Naruto is now what keeps you in one piece. To his benefit, I doubt he knows the true extent of your condition or what he is to you now. Your condition is not a subject that many bother to learn in depth. Consider yourself lucky that he left such a powerful clone behind. Anything less, and it would not be enough to stabilize you in your current state."

"As for what could happen to you if you are too reckless… well, I'm sure you've heard of Crypt by now. He's a best case scenario." He looked at her dead in the eyes. "No one, gets the best case scenario."

The girl was trembling uncontrollably now. It was understandable, seeing as the old man had essentially just said that she had something that just sounded like it was worse than cancer and had by sheer dumb luck had avoided having a giant sack of infected ooze inside her rupture violently.

Moryo had nothing on this.

"Wh-what do I do then? Am I stuck like this?"

The old man got up, grunting briefly in the process. "Maybe yes. Maybe no. Mostly depends on you. Just like any other person that's injured themselves doing something foolish. I'm a doctor. The best I can do is treat the injury and wait for your body to do the rest."

Shion blinked in confusion, her body too high strung to feel relief just yet. "Huh? W-what do you mean by that?"

He elaborated as he approached her. "I once put a man's broken arm in a cast. Had he done nothing with it and let it heal, it would have been just fine. Instead the dumbass got into a fight three weeks later and utterly shattered his ulna, rendering the entire limb all but useless. I could have fixed it up good as new with my powers, but the idiot wouldn't learn from that if I did, and I was in a world where I'd get more than a few looks if I did something that outrageous. It's better if the masses are ignorant to forces outside of their understanding. Their lives are more peaceful that way, and I get bugged less with meaningless selfish requests from selfish twits that don't think twice before being morons."

"You think I'll make my condition worse." He was standing right in front of her now, towering over her tiny frame with muscles and blue power as old as the world itself.

"You already have." He stated firmly. "You travelled back. It would have gone away by itself without issue the first time, but now you really are at risk of falling apart. True, you didn't know the risks, but you were more than aware that using your powers against Ghost's fire was a very stupid and risky thing to do."

Lifting up a single finger, the old man pointed at her forehead. The water in his body shifted ever so slightly, forcing a small fissure to leak his blood from its tip just as he touched the girl.

"Remove your robes. I need to look at the point over your heart and meridians."

"… Eh?" The albino girl's face turned beet red.

"Oh for, look at me girl. I'm old. I'm so old I can barely remember what being erect feels like, let alone getting off. If someone lopped my cock off, I'd be pissed only because it makes aiming while taking an actual piss a pain in the ass. I'm a doctor at that. I've seen more naked people than most people in the porn industry. I'm probably the most jaded person you'll ever meet when it comes to the human body if you discount Scab. Now quit being such a child and take your top off so you don't put yourself in immediate risk of going insane." The giant grumbled, clearly annoyed.

Shion flushed, embarrassed for being called out on her thoughts and how foolish she was thinking them in the first place.

"What is it with teenagers thinking that everyone and everything wants to have sex with them? Bloody puberty makes everything stupid. Thank all that is holy the others are forbidden from reliving their teenage years. Everything would go to fucking hell if that ever happened."

Pretending not to hear him, the Priestess slowly dropped her robes and moved her wrappings, ashamed and uncomfortable with exposing herself to a stranger that terrifies her so much. Her large breasts and smooth pale skin were more than enough to make most males double and triple take in arousal, even when fully dressed.

The old man didn't even notice, more annoyed with her behavior.

"Children." Waltz groaned before hunching down and reaching out with his bloody finger again.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Despite being larger than any human had any right to be, the old man's touch was gentle as he briefly brushed his right index finger against eight select points on her front, briefly turned her around, and repeated the process with seven on her back.

"Now, you're going to feel a bit uncomfortable for this next part."

"Wait. What are you taaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Shion's question was drowned out by her surprised and alarmed scream as she felt her body be cocooned by something that wasn't there. It was as if she was being wrapped together by a material that was not touching her body, but her very soul and being itself. It was suffocating and unnaturally comforting at the same time, as if she was being wrapped in a blanket made of smooth fiber only slightly more tightly than she would be happy with.

And then it was over, and she found herself on all fours on the floor breathing heavily.

"You can get dressed now." The old man was already walking to his desk.

"I. Hah. What was…?"

"Spiritual, Soul, and Timespace Stabilizing seals on primary omnilateral stress points that exist on your physical body. They'll keep you together, but it's a stopgap. A cast. Your being, the cracks and faults you currently have, need to heal on their own. There are no mystic arts that can fix what you have instantly, unless you are the caster. Before you even ask, trust me girl, you do not have the capability or the time to use any of them." The old man grunted as he sat back into his seat. "You still need regular physical contact with Naruto though. Don't over or under do it. Too much and you'll literally be addicted to his existence even after you heal for the rest of your life. You'll be a borderline parasite. Too little and it'll take so long to heal that you will end up crippling yourself in the long run. A few extended exposures a week should do it. Ten, twenty minutes should do it. I assume you're going to be staying here for a while?"

"I… yes. That was my intention. I, I wanted to request to be Naruto's. A wife. A concubine. Whatever will allow me to stay. I wish to be with him, and be of as much aid to show that I am not a burden. I expected the negotiations to take a while to begin with." Regaining some composure, the girl quickly began to rewrap her chest and put on her robe once more. The blood that the old man had placed on her was no longer visible.

"Of course." Waltz huffed once more. "Fair warning, don't use your temporal powers again unless you want to die. Your psyche can't handle the strain of another jump right now. It's a miracle you've lasted this long as it is."

Her eyes widened in momentary alarm and surprise. She had not anticipated that she wouldn't be able to use her most reliable power. A power she had trained for decades not only for herself, but for others. A power that had saved countless lives. "I see. And, how long should I refrain from using it?"

Stone blue eyes looked up from the paperwork on the desk, anchoring her in place. "Until I say so."

There was no margin for negotiation or leeway. His word was law and every fiber of her being knew it.

She swallowed heavily. "I… no. I should have expected as much. My powers are what made me this way. You are right. I have taken them for granted."

"The stronger the ability, the harder it is to let it go. Especially when it looks like there are no repercussions." He was clearly speaking from experience. "No matter the power, or the user, no one is exempted from the consequences of their actions. Sooner or later, something comes full circle. Most people would think that being able to seamlessly manipulate time and space would put them above such things. Most people, are complete idiots."

"I'll take it to heart. Sensei." Shion finished dressing herself and bowed deeply. "I don't know what I did to offend you, but I sincerely thank you for your help. I won't forget this."

The old man paused before sighing deeply. "You didn't anger me girl. It's simply… I don't like it when I have to take care of people with your brand of injuries. I've seen more than enough people suffer in ways they didn't and shouldn't deserve from them. As a doctor, one that's been in places beyond you could imagine, I've seen people, friends and enemies go in countless different ways. Some cruel. Some stupidly hilarious. But what you have…"

Drip. Drip.

Waltz looked at his hands, covered in blood that wasn't there, falling to the ground rhythmically, soothingly, as if innocently playing down what the substance meant and where it originated from.

He stood on the mountain, not caring as the world literally burned around him. A single arm was stretched out, his hand a vice on the skull of the thrashing woman desperately trying to escape. All eleven of her arms viciously assaulting him and the limb holding onto her. All eleven of them failing to even make him flinch.

Even though she was using Presence. Her blows could render worlds into pebbles and reality itself into shreds. Bestow curses and force blessings. Reverse laws and contort definitions. Tame life and twist thought.

Even though she was a great god given flesh.

His hand flexed. His fingers closed.

Her reality fought back. Her Presence, her definition, her everything resisted, trying to deny the imposing reality that was-.

Crack.

She broke all the same.

How dull.

"Let's just say it brings up memories I try not to recall whenever possible." He smiled with a small grimace.

o. o. o.

"Ino's that bad?"

"Yeah." Chouji grimaced, recalling what happened the previous day. "I don't know the specifics, but when Inoichi heard the full story and we showed him where the seal on the back of her head was… well, he wasn't happy. Looked like he put something together that we didn't know about. He took her back to the clan compound almost the second we were done talking."

"Dad always did say that there were few things more troublesome than a mind reader whose mind was compromised." Shikamaru sighed. Ino had been working for the Torture and Interrogation department for over a year now, and she sided in information and espionage when the need arose. Despite her personality, it was generally accepted that Ino probably had more access to restricted village information in the village than any of the Rookie 12 members.

Anyone that wasn't a time traveler at least.

… Fuck village secrets. Someone molested his friend, his sister in all but blood. So, by logical cause and effect, someone's head was going to roll in the near future.

"Hey Shika! Digging the murder boner! I'm gonna work on something now! Ok? Ok! Love you long time ok see you bye!"

Shikamaru blinked in genuine confusion as Shadow popped up out of the ground, hugged him, and then bolted out the front door with the restaurant that he was eating in. "Uh. Ok then?"

"Did you catch any of that?" The Akimichi blinked owlishly.

"She's going to do something. Apparently."

"Oh."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Hey Shika?"

"Yeah?"

"Has she ever actually bothered to tell someone that she's going to do something before actually doing it?"

"… Oh shit."

It was at that point that they pair noticed flyers falling down all over the streets.

"Double shit."

o. o. o.

Kirigakure:

"So."

"So."

"So."

Haku, Zabuza, and Mei looked at one another skeptically in Mei's office. Each one was on guard. Each one was holding up a piece of paper with a note that had the picture of a familiar chibi psychopath on it.

"This isn't going to end well, is it?" Haku looked around warily.

"If you have to ask, then you already know the answer." Zabuza grimaced, hand already on his sword.

o. o. o.

Kumogakure:

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Thank you for attending today's show!"

"Wah!?" Omoi shouted as the futuristic projection screen on the Raikage's desk flared up in front of him, A, B, Samui, Kuroi, Darui, Yugito, and himself. "What the hell is that?!"

"That's Oogakari's device. The annoying short one." A frowned as a picture of the elemental nations flashed onto the screen. "He used it once to host a conversation with the Mizukage from here. I used it occasionally to talk to him for business, but this is different. Why would all of us be called here? What's their goal?"

"This is so not cool." Samui crossed her arms under her breasts.

"Oh man! Samui you're too chill! Can't you appreciate a good mystery? A thrill! Imagine! One of these toys in every home! Giving everyone the show that will make them all squee! The one, the only, the epic Killer Bee!"

"He actually rhymed his name with the word "squee". So not cool." Samui shook her head in disappointment.

"As nauseating as that really is, does anyone want to get back to the fact that we were all somehow called here to watch something orchestrated by a clan that isn't even in this country?" Yugito pointed out the elephant in the room.

"Now for our special viewers who are outside of Konoha and wondering why and how they were called to watch something orchestrated by a clan that isn't in their country…" Shadow's voice chipperly went on.

"I'm stripping my office after this." A growled dangerously.

o. o. o.

Sunagakure:

"… We did and do things and stuff. Because we're awesome like that."

"The sad thing is, that's probably the most accurate answer we're going to get out of them." Gaara sighed, surrounded by his siblings and Chiyo. All three of them nodded unanimously.

"But as to why we're doing this…"

o. o. o.

Konohagakure Stadium:

The seats in the massive building were filling up rapidly as more and more people began to arrive. Some out of curiosity. Some out of worry. And some knowing deep down that something was up. Civilian and shinobi alike took their spots as their attention was drawn to the massive screens that had popped up all around the building for everyone to enjoy.

"Well, it turns out that something reaaaaly important is about to happen in the elemental nations. So important that we thought, hey, it would be a shame if everyone missed out on the show. So, being the good people that we are, we went through a good deal of effort to set all this up for our adoring audience! Spread the love and all that stuff!"

"This is not going to end well." Shikaku grimaced as he sat down next to Chouza and Inoichi.

"Don't need to say that twice."

"Ino, are you sure you're ok for this?" Inoichi turned to his daughter, who was still clearly depressed if her posture and sunken eyes were any indication.

She sighed. "No daddy, but something tells me that I'm going to learn what happens sooner or later, so I might as well come anyways."

"But important things happen all the time here in the land where ninjas and killing and stuff, so what makes this so important?"

The screens showing the map of the continent began to blink, pinpointing Iwagakure.

"Oh shit." Kakashi swore accompanied by the remains of Shion's escort, and Shion herself.

"They're not." Sakura paled.

The screen zoomed in.

"They are." Sasuke clenched his fists.

"Iwa?" Hinata frowned in confusion. She was going to say something else, but paused as Shion's rapidly paling disposition caught her attention. She quickly put two and two together. "No. You don't mean…"

The small golden fox that was hidden in Shion's sleeves growled darkly.

A bird's eye perspective of the mountainous village came into view. The image was crystal clear.

"I have no idea what's happening, but I'm betting it's not good." Kiba voiced his opinion from another part of the stadium.

"And just when I was finally getting used to these bastards." Tsume growled. "This is completely beyond what they've done so far. What the hell are they thinking? No one is simply going to give them the benefit of the doubt after this."

Instead of focusing on the village, the camera veered off to the side, to one of the large mountain ranges nearby, revealing…

"Oh no." Asuma paled, the near perpetual cigarette in his mouth dropping as his mouth opened in shock.

At least a dozen individuals wearing black coats with red clouds were walking in front of a small army of shinobi.

Most of the people watching had no idea who the criminals were, but those that did were understandably shocked and alarmed.

"Akatsuki?" Kurenai shivered. "So many of them at once? I thought there were only ten of them."

More people flinched as one of the cloaked individuals, a man with slick back silver hair and an inhumanely insane look in his eyes paused and looked up… directly at the screen.

Everyone watching shivered. It was as though his very eyes were somehow scraping against their insides.

"He knows we're watching." Tsunade unconsciously took a step back. She could feel the eldritch madness coming from the priest, as his face contorted into the most twisted smile she had ever witnessed while waving to the camera.

"Him." Tenten growled, glaring at the monster that had killed Gai, hands clenched so tight that she cut skin.

If she didn't know better, she could have sworn that he had taken notice of her in particular as his eyes lightened up in delight a moment later, his grin widening into a gleeful monstrosity that stretched far beyond what was humanely possible.

Most of the rest of the Akatsuki took note of their comrade's actions and briefly looked in their direction as well, but unlike Hidan, they didn't seem to notice anything and turned their attention away instants later.

Only Itachi held eye contact with the screen for more than a few seconds, nearly doubling the time of his comrades', but in the end, he too turned away, his bored expression never changing.

"He knows." Sasuke whispered to Kakashi, getting no response in kind as a confirmation.

"Now, most of you are wondering, who the hell are these guys in matching clothes that make them all look like they're in a cheap cult?" Shadow broke the silence. "Well, the shmucks in front are known as Akatsuki. A group of missing nin where the criteria for joining is that you have to be an S ranked criminal. Kage level monsters. So yeah, these guys are capable of pretty much fucking anyone's shit up by themselves, let alone all together. Fun fact. Orochimaru himself used to be part of the club until he got a bit too greedy and had to run away or else he'd be killed. Of course, then he turned to Konoha, got too greedy, and got killed anyways. For a genius, he really wasn't that bright in the end, was he?"

"Ghost. What the hell are you doing?!" Hana hissed to him as they, and Anko sat at the near top of the bleachers. The girls were still recovering from their injuries, evident by their bandages and casual clothes, but they were good enough to go outside now. "This is overboard, even for you! You're going to get into so much trouble for this."

"Normally, I'd tell her to calm down, but I'm with her on this one." Anko agreed, looking around somewhat warily. "This is way beyond your normal bullshit Ghost. What happened? Are you still pissed about something?"

"Keep watching." Ghost leaned back and relaxed, not at all bothered by the decaying situation. "You're right. It's stupid and reckless. But we're doing it anyways. Just like we always do."

"Trying to stop you lot from something once you've gotten going is like trying to change the laws of life itself." Dima approached the three from behind, accompanied by Sylvia, Specks, and Skyler. "I have to admit, I am a bit surprised though. Didn't think we'd be here for a Left Turn Show."

"Left Turn Show?" Specks frowned.

"It's a Family tradition." Sylvia shrugged, leaning forward and handing Ghost's party a small case of alcohol. "Whenever a potential member is about to work their magic on a major fight, or a final boss, these idiots record the entire thing and present it to everyone that matters and their grandmother to show just how badass and important their students are. It's the Family's way of saying, "Hey. We're busting our asses out here for you ungrateful people. This is not only what we are really capable of after going through hell when we are pushed to the limits, but the shit we have to deal with that you are lucky enough to never see or experience firsthand." Scab keeps an entire library of videos for everyone to watch when it's a slow day and no one wants to watch a movie."

"Depending on what happens, this really might be the end of the problems with Akatsuki." Ghost shrugged, taking a bottle of booze and flicking off the top. "Doubt it, but ultimately it does look like it's gonna be one hell of a brawl."

"Wait what?!" Hana stiffened, clearly alarmed. "You mean to say that Naruto's in Iwa?! Right now?! Why?!"

"Shhhh. Spoilers. Don't ruin it for everyone." The immortal hushed her.

"That man with the silver hair, he's an acolyte." Specks frowned. "You might be confident in your student, but I don't fancy a rookie's odds against something like that."

His concern was warranted. Acolytes were extensions of actual gods after all. Worst comes to worst, the priest had the potential to corrupt and twist the planet itself if he got out of control. At the very least, most dimension travelers weren't confident against genuine Acolytes unless they had a seasoned and powerful veteran on their side. He and Skyler wouldn't even consider going up against one of those things on their own.

"Crypt severed the connection. It's somewhat strong, but it's freshly made and crippled. The kid should be able to manage it if he handles himself right." Ghost waved off the man's concern.

Hana and Anko looked at one another warily before turning to the newcomers. "Not to be rude, but who are you people?"

Sylvia let out a brief laugh before pointing to Dima. "Let's just say the old man and I are long time acquaintances of your boyfriend. The other two are just being dragged along for the ride."

"And praying we'll live to see the end of it." Skyler grunted sitting in an empty seat, looking up to see Shadow finishing up her brief summary of Akatsuki without going too much into spoiler territory. "Sitting next to this guy's intended. What the hell am I doing?"

"Welcome to the Family." Dima rolled his eyes. Clearly the man was numb to any hopes of normalcy or rationality as far as his hosts were concerned.

"So many of you are wondering, just how are we able to send you all these images live?" Shadow asked, now on the screen with a perky smile. "Well, it's all thanks to super-secret tech that my dear brother Scabbard has developed that only he can use. Say hi Scab!"

The image turned to Scab, who was still lying in his hospital bed, completely immobilized by his bandages and the machinery that was performing virtually every life function he had for him. Obviously, the man couldn't speak, or move for that matter. The only sounds made were from his life support system.

The audience was mute, unsure what to make of what they saw. As far as anyone could tell, the man was still comatose, if not a vegetable.

"Scab says hi!" Shadow cut in after several moments of awkward silence. "He also says he completely forgives all of my deb-"

BZZT! CRACK CRACK BOOM!

A bright green light flooded the screen, accompanied by an agonizing scream.

Moments later, an emerald comet shot across the sky, directly over the stadium and past the village proper, crashing into the woods past the great wall.

Well, at least that answered the question on whether or not Scab was really awake or not.

And what would happen to someone that tried to weasel their way out of being in debt to Scab.

"Totally saw that coming." Ghost deadpanned, getting silent nods of agreement from Dima and Sylvia.

The screen remained static for a few more moments with "please stand by" written on the front, before it cleared up again revealing a bird's eye view of Iwa, and a miniature 8 bit Scabbard in the lower left hand corner.

"Sorry for that," a crippled man announced with a dead, bored tone, "We were having momentary technical difficulties due to large quantities of stupid dumbass.

On the bottom of the screen in small letters read: all damages will be covered by Shadow's tab.

"Sounds about right." More than one person across the continent agreed.

Scab's caricature turned to the audience. The 8 bit blocks that made up his eyes glowed unnaturally. "To get back on track. You are probably wondering many things. Why are we doing this? How do we know this? What makes this event stick out more than all the other major unknown events all around the world that we could have covered?"

The screen zoomed down to Iwagakure proper now. And on top of the Tsuchikage's building, there were five individuals standing.

Onoki. Roshi. Kurotsuchi…

"WHAT?!" The shock of Naruto and Jiraiya standing right there in broad daylight clearly was a surprise to most watching.

Almost instantaneously, everyone on the screen except Onoki snapped their heads up and looked directly into the screen, as if just now noticing that they were being watched.

Onoki looked up alarmed a moment later, but it was clear to everyone that he did not see what the other four did.

Out of all four pairs of eyes looking back at the audience, Naruto's literally felt the most significant. Just like Hidan.

Unlike Hidan, the blonde progressively became more and more annoyed as he seemed to piece together what he was looking at.

A subtle chill went down the spines of every single watcher who intimately knew him.

"He knows we're watching him too." Shion blinked in genuine surprise, observing his face contort into something of frustrated anger and exasperation at something he can't help. It only became more apparent as he clearly began to rant and throw his hands up in the air, though the device recording him didn't pick up on what he was saying.

Those that heard her nodded. Her statement was truer than most realized. Naruto didn't just know that he was being watched by many people. He was instinctively aware that they, his close friends and loved ones in particular, were among the spectators. That their very eyes were upon him at that very moment.

"Not bad. He knows who his audience is." Dima nodded in approval. "He has good awareness and sensitivity for a rookie. Had to be the center of attention in order to notice he was part of the show, but still, not bad."

"He knows it's us?" Hana blinked in genuine surprise. "Even through the screen?"

"Presence. He knows we are watching him. The more people focusing, the easier it is to pick up. If everyone was paying attention to Jiraiya or Onoki, he probably wouldn't have noticed." Ghost shrugged, not surprised at being caught already. "What can I say? Brat has some potential. A bit surprised that the girl noticed though. Roshi must have taught her without letting us know. Meh. Oh well."

"Ghost, how many people did you teach Presence here?" Sylvia frowned.

"Enough to keep things interesting. Don't worry. I didn't do something stupid like teach everyone I talked to." The immortal waved away her concern without looking. "Even then, only the minion knows anything more than the bare basics."

Scab's voice cut off all conversation. "As you can see, this is not an attack so much as it is an invasion. Iwagakure has been experiencing some internal discord for some time now, and because of recent events, Akatsuki has decided to capitalize on it by taking over the reformist faction. Should they succeed, the organization will have the power of an entire, if not somewhat crippled, major Hidden Village at their control."

And like that, everyone who did not know of the situation that was from this world turned ash white.

"So, it shouldn't be any surprise that Naruto Uzumaki found himself stuck in the middle of things. Again." Scab's avatar deadpanned.

"DAMN IT NARUTO!" Again, more than one person swore at the top of their lungs.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" Naruto yelled, shaking his fist at the screen, surprising the other four around him enough to make them jump back alarmed.

"Oh, good. Finally got the volume working." Scab muttered. "No, he can't hear us. This is all one way. Just consider that completely random outburst a lucky guess."

"Bullshit." Kiba growled as he approached the rest of his friends and Shion. "That wasn't a guess. He knows we're watching him."

"Presence." Shino summed it up in one word. No one could muster up the will to argue against it.

"This isn't going to end well." Shikamaru crossed his arms. "Even with Jiraiya and an entire village, the odds aren't in Naruto's favor. Troublesome…"

"What can we do though?" Chouji grimaced, pointing at the screen. "The only people that can get there in time now are the ones doing, well, this."

"That's the point. No one can do anything now." Kakashi's fists tightened, clearly annoyed. "And now that half the village knows what's going on and is watching, it would cause an uprising and chaos if we tried to stop it now. Our hands are tied, we're stuck to the chairs, and we have no other option but to watch this."

If this shit show ended up like what happened to Gai… even being immortal wouldn't save the Oogakari from his wrath.

o. o. o.

"What the hell are you going on about?!" Onoki snapped.

"My ever-decaying mental stability and peace of life." Naruto ground out, still shaking his fist and glaring at the sky.

"Whine about your inability to deal with puberty some other time." The Tsuchikage got into the teen's face. "The enemy's close enough that our sensors have detected them. Your warning helped get the civilians, classified information, and artifacts out of the way in time, but because of our movements they know we know about them."

"Being a bit greedy, aren't we?" Jiraiya crossed his arms.

"Let him have this. We are about to be invaded." Roshi shook his head looking up at the large cliff line that surrounded the village. "Being forced to actually fight inside your home base isn't exactly a comforting feeling. You know what I'm talking about."

Normally, the village would rely on the standard tactics and the environment to get rid of attackers. Rock slides. Hidden explosives and traps. Etc. But, it's a bit difficult when most of the enemy comprise of deserters with all the jutsu needed to prevent all that. The Rinnegan didn't help matters either.

Of course, Onoki had to put up a fight during the approach somehow or else the enemy would get suspicious, so earlier that day, he had put a good number of his shinobi with questionable loyalties, and some of Naruto's clones, on duty to keep the image up.

The traps were triggered. Things exploded. And the defense force was slaughtered. As expected.

Minimal losses were experienced on both sides, but it did give Onoki the excuse to claim that the village was being attacked without losing too much and moving the populace appropriately.

"Yeah. Yeah. You have a point." Naruto recalled Orochimaru's invasion. "Let's just start to move to the training grounds now. Nagato tends to like to start things off with a bang if he has to fight in person, so if we wait too long…"

The eyes of a greater being gazed above them all. Haunted knowledge that surpassed the masses' shallow understanding imposed itself.

A God was among them.

"Iwagakure." A loud and impassive voice echoed over the village.

"Log damn it."

"Must have rushed the last stretch here to throw everyone off." Jiraiya mused. Nagato's Presence was fairly impressive in nature, but it lacked the kick that he had grown accustomed to from other users, and thus was able to brush the shock off easily. Looking to his side, he saw his cohorts, even Onoki, adapt fairly quickly as well. Hell, Naruto looked like he barely even felt it. "Either their forces are absurdly coordinated, or they're going to go for an extremely aggressive takeover."

Onoki frowned as he spotted the growing number of individuals standing at the top of the cliffs around his village. The only major outlier was obviously Deidara, flying on another one of his ridiculous looking clay toys. Due to the village's design, there were no buildings or locations of particular value for the first few hundred meters from the edges, but it still didn't make him feel particularly pleased.

"ANBU. Get everyone into position at key points. They're here. Remember who the key targets are and don't try to bite off more than you can chew. Don't attack until the command is given or you are attacked yourself."

"I am Pain. The leader of Akatsuki." Nagato continued with his speech through Yahiko's body, flanked by his five other bodies, and with Akatsuki standing even further to either side.

o. o. o.

"Since the birth of the shinobi system, no, even before that, this world has been rotting." A frowned as he saw the face of his enemy, or rather, one of his enemies, finally showed itself.

"So that's the Rinnegan." Yugito suppressed a shiver. Even if it was through a screen it gave her the creeps.

"Not cool." Samui muttered.

o. o. o.

"Endless killing. Endless secrets. Endless suffering. Endless wars. Endless betrayal. Endless hatred. Mankind is nothing less than a murderous species grown rampant and fat off of the suffering of the world and its kin. Even worse, is that those with true power, with chakra in this system, submit themselves to the Daimyo and other nobles. Rich and self-entitled fools that have done little to warrant such a position, and have grown fat off of the efforts of others."

Gaara pretended to ignore his siblings shift about uncomfortably, knowing how true Pain's comments were to their situation. Even with improving relations to their Daimyo, it was no secret that the man was far from a philanthropist. It literally took Temari saving his life just moments before it was taken to get even a tiny amount of leeway from the man.

His "generosity" was not particularly generous in the grand scheme of things, which did not endear the man to Gaara's forces.

"He's somewhat right. Most nobles are completely worthless." Chiyo nodded. "But others are needed. We deal with the monsters out there in the world. We don't have time to manage things like economics, international trade, resources, population management, and the like. It's easy to forget for shinobi that the vast majority of the people out there, the vast majority of the people that do literally everything for society, are normal humans. We spend so much time among ourselves and our villages that it's easy to get tunnel vision."

"Mmm." Gaara agreed. "Without the willingness to accept another point of view, I shudder to think of what could come of such a world."

o. o. o.

"And what has all this conformity and acceptance gotten you?" Pain's voice asked the village below. "An old and senile leader that does not listen to his people, refusing to move aside for the next generation. A village that does not respond to aggression. A reputation that is spit on by the rest of the world. Blood running through all lands like rivers. The lives of others sold at a discount price. Nothing is sacred save for a bare image of peace that is so transparent, a blind man could see through it."

"Feh."

Mei and Haku glared at Zabuza accusingly.

"What?" The swordsman held his ground. "I didn't expect him to actually crack a joke. It's not like he's actually wrong."

Neither woman said anything, turning back to the screen.

o. o. o.

"I am here not for conquest, but for peace!" Nagato rose his voice, power flowing through it. "Not just for Iwa, but for all the elemental nations! The system they have do not work! The Leaders they have do not work! The power they have is either dying or fabricated! They are scared of change and thus anchor you to a dying fetid beast that will drag you and your loved ones with it!"

"You know, if he wasn't such an egotistical idiot that has no idea what he's really getting himself into, I'd almost applaud that." Naruto crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side.

"You actually agree with what he's saying?" Kurotsuchi glared at him, alongside the other three men.

"Are you saying that you don't, a least some of it?" Naruto asked her skeptically. "He does have some valid points. He wouldn't be making such a hammy presentation unless some parts of what he was saying were true. We're murderers and spies for hire. The societal hierarchy system outside of shinobi ranks is corrupted as hell, partially because we shinobi make things easier for them to take place. Our very training and way of solving issues promotes the worst behavior possible. This in turn makes life difficult for the masses because most of their leaders are either incompetent or simply don't care about them. This causes the local economies and standards in life to drop, in turn forcing many to become criminals even if they didn't want to just to get by, which gives us more "legit" work, which ultimately means our current system is a self-perpetuating cycle of money, murder, and misery."

Nearly everyone listening to him, both there in Iwa and far away watching the screens gaped to one degree or another.

He went on, clearly not noticing everyone's reaction. "That's only taking into account internal affairs, not international. And guess what happens if you try to point this out to anyone, or gasp, actually bring this to the attention of the masses? You, and everyone in on the project gets offed by the much bigger system, that, surprise surprise, excels in espionage, murder, and kidnapping, before it gets too much momentum."

o. o. o.

More than one veteran shinobi in Konoha grimaced, knowing full well that they, or someone they had known, had come to that crossroads in their past…

Those that did never came back the same, or they never came back at all.

o. o. o.

Naruto let out a shrug. "Big shock there considering half of any shinobi military motto is to enforce bad behavioral habits when it isn't kissing the ass of superiors. With enough indoctrination and training, the words "for the good of the village" and "because my superior told me to" could sound exactly the same to a person and they would never question the difference. If you're just focusing on the fact that this is a problem, then yes, I do agree with him. I'm not some idiot that think that life here is perfectly fine and goes about everything with rose tinted glasses. I can tell a bad deal when I see one."

o. o. o.

"And lo and behold." Dima snorted leaning back in his seat, taking note of the ominous silence in the stadium. "There be the infamous jaded and pessimistic Family dissection of a human society. Absolutely no mercy."

o. o. o.

The blonde scratched his head in frustration. "Really, if it weren't for the fact that the hidden villages and other shinobi out there take care to prevent our jutsu, seals, and very destructive secrets from getting to the public, half the planet would be reduced to complete chaos and anarchy by now at bare minimum. Centralizing individuals that can properly use chakra and restricting information about it so that most of the masses don't even bother with it is practically the only thing we have done right if we wanted to actually achieve peace."

o. o. o.

"Humph. The brat sounds like he's put a lot of effort into thinking about how to make us get along and the hypocrisy of the shinobi system." A crossed his arms and huffed.

"Oh! Of course he has brotha! My man Naruto is crazier than a wild lightning catfish! But his mind's sharper than my pimpin blades!" Bee danced, clearly not affected by Naruto's words. "There ain't no one that can see what makes no sense more than Mr. Nine!"

"Sorry boss, but it almost sounds like you agree with him." Darui skeptically looked at the Raikage.

"Of course I do!" A snapped, surprising almost everyone in the room. "All the Kage know that our system naturally has us perpetually on the verge of war with one another! Acknowledging it is practically a requirement for the position these days! Half the point of needing to be absurdly powerful and famous in order to wear the hat on is to make sure that everyone under you doesn't do something incredibly stupid and get everyone killed! Most think that we are supposed to be the strongest in the village to keep enemies away, but that's only part of the reason. The other part why we have to be strong is so that everyone in the village knows that if they do try something stupid, there is someone that can and will murder the hell out of them in front of everyone they know and love that they are helpless to do anything against! We are literally the lynchpins that prevent society as we know it from falling apart, but we have next to no power to actually fix the system as it is on our own because the people we govern and the people that have been in the system for decades longer than us wouldn't go for it! There's too much bad blood between the villages for it to happen just like that!"

Even Bee didn't have anything to say to that.

o. o. o.

"Ironically, Hashirama started the whole shinobi system as a way to try and get everyone to stop trying to kill one another." Naruto rolled his eyes. "In a way it did work. Everyone gathered into their own groups. Technology is developing faster, and civilians have been growing in population rapidly ever since. Problem is, it gave rise to a whole slew of issues he didn't bother thinking about considering eventually."

"Issues?" Kurotsuchi hesitantly asked.

"Our current system is a literal powder keg for violence. Before, all the explosives were spread out everywhere, so at worst the damage was only surface deep. Now though? It's all gathered up and instable as hell. Too easy to set off and too dangerous to address by normal mean anymore. It's too easy for a single person to gain enough power, knowledge, and influence, to throw everyone up in arms without getting caught. Almost no one with power actually makes an effort anymore to try and promote genuine peace. Real peace. Not this bullshit status quo that everyone likes to hide behind. The few that do try are next to completely useless at trying to spread that sentiment to those underneath them, or are being undermined by even more powerful assholes that just don't give a fuck, or the jaded pricks that work under them. Barely seventy years with the current system, and we already have had three major wars and countless undocumented skirmishes that were swept under the rug."

The blonde pointed to the cliff where Nagato was still making his speech. "At least one of said major wars was triggered, ironically, because one of the assholes up there, killed his village leader without anyone knowing about it, and instead of actually trying to calm down the situation, nearly all the other villages had the bright idea to attack because, hur-dur, that sounds like a golly gee smart idea. What's the worst that can happen?"

Onoki growled menacingly, knowing that Naruto was talking about the Second Shinobi War when Suna was looking for the missing Third Kazekage and he tried to take advantage of their disorganized state.

"If no one overhauls the way we do things soon, our "great ninja system" will by synonymous with "history's biggest shit show of all time" within the next century if not fifty years, and that's without this jolly club of ass-hats trying to awaken eldritch abominations that they have no fucking clue how to manage. That is, if anyone actually does survive when everything does fall apart."

o. o. o.

"Naruto." Tsunade couldn't help but shiver slightly, her anger and frustration about the situation at hand momentarily forgotten. Was that how he really saw their world now? How he saw their home and their livelihood? Just one big never ending violent murder spree with no hope for peace?

She didn't want to believe it, but at the same time, she couldn't argue against what he said either.

Dan. Nawaki. What did they die for in the end? Their hopes and dreams. Their friends and family. For Konoha. For her Grandfather's dream…

Unknown to her, her thoughts were shared by many people across the continent.

If that was true though… then what did he want in the end? Akatsuki was just in the way if a person thought about the long run. Something that would likely be dealt with in the next few years at most. Once they were beaten, what did Naruto want to do with the rest of his life?

It almost sounded as if he didn't want to be Hokage anymore…

o. o. o.

"If the system is so disgusting to you, then why are you protecting it?" Jiraiya growled. "Your parents. Your villagers. No, so many people in general. Are you saying they died for nothing?"

"Some did. Though people die for pointless reasons all the time. Everyone knows that." Naruto gazed into the sky emotionlessly, almost bored. "You're wrong about something though Ero-senin. I'm not fighting for the system. Fighting to stop changing something that desperately needs to change? That's like trying to convince someone that it's in their best health to commit suicide. I couldn't care less about it if it weren't for the fact that if it doesn't change soon, me, and everyone I care about will be dragged into some mess that we want no part of. No, I'm busting my ass here because this place, the Elemental Nations, is my home. It's an absolute shithole at times, and my neighbors tend to suck, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to stand by and watch as my friends die and the place gets trashed by idiots that don't know what they're doing. I'm not a total prick."

"You sound like you already have an idea on how to address the Shinobi System's issues." Onoki accused.

Naruto shrugged. "Yeah sure. It's not that hard actually. First thing would be-"

"Join me!" Nagato shouted.

"Crap. Hold on. He's finally getting to the point of his speech." Naruto deadpanned turning back to the cliffs, blue balling his entire audience.

"DAMN IT NARUTO!" The world seemed to curse his name.

"SHUT UP! I'LL TELL YOU LATER!" The accused snapped back, glaring at the spot in space that he was being observed from.

"Seriously. What an earth are you yelling at?" Onoki groaned, trying to look at whatever Naruto was seeing, unknowingly looking right at an infuriated audience.

"Join God! Rise above this corrupted system, and help me overthrow it with a new one! One of peace, prosperity, justice, and law! One where the guilty are punished, the innocent are saved, and power is recognized for what it truly is!"

The village was silent. It was as if everyone was holding their breath, waiting and wondering if they would be betrayed.

One second.

Ten.

Thirty.

"That, that was it?" Kurotsuchi shifted uncomfortably.

Naruto on the other hand frowned. "That can't be it. You said it yourself Roshi. Everyone here is stubborn as hell. Pain made some good points, but that's nowhere near enough to turn some traitors, let alone a village. He should know this."

The older Jinchuriki nodded. Even if everyone here was annoyed with how Onoki was doing things lately, there was no way in hell they'd just dump him for some stranger that decided to show up one day backed by an army of traitors and pretty words. "He's just standing up there. Maybe he's set up some forces in the village already to send off a signal to start? A preemptive strike?"

Onoki looked about confused. Roshi's suggestion was likely, but that didn't sound right either. Not after this long a pause. Akatsuki would have acted already if something had went wrong. And even if the enemy spies had been caught in the act, the ANBU would have informed him of it already. Something else was going on.

"Mmm. Convincing a rebellion. It's like trying to get a girl to go on a date with you." Jiraiya spoke up. "Talk the talk first. Get their attention. A few pretty words here and there. It's only after you have their interest that you back up your words with the actions needed to show that you mean business."

"I don't know what I like less, you sounding like you actually know how to get laid, or what this means Pain is going to do next." The blonde blandly stated. "Either one is bound to give me nightmares for days."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Before the blonde could come up with another immature, yet incredibly hurtful comment, he was cut off by a massive white cloud that spanned around a third of the village's perimeter like a wall of fog.

"An attack?" Kurotsuchi braced herself.

"No." Naruto frowned, analyzing the jutsu with his own air based technique. "He's just making a lot of fog. There's not enough chakra to make it an attack unless he's lacing it with poison, but even then, there's no reason to present it the way he's doing now. It's almost as if he wants to display… ah. That makes sense. I thought that speech was too short. He's being a super big ham now. Truly he is the embodiment of Tonton's nightmares."

o. o. o.

"PUI!"

"Naruto, couldn't you have matured just a little bit during your trip?" Shizune sighed, holding onto the clearly angry Tonton.

o. o. o.

Before anyone could ask what he meant, their questions were answered in the form of an image coming to clarity in the wall of mist, focusing on Pain himself, his five other bodies, and Konan. Obviously, his actions were not only to portray himself as an individual of power, but to give his "audience" a better view of whatever "miracle" he was going to do next.

And then several people entered the image proper from the side.

What little good will Naruto had suddenly died, if his blank expression was any indication.

"Ero-senin."

"Yeah kid." Jiraiya had a good idea what his godson was thinking.

"Just to let you know, I'm probably going to murder Danzo when we get back home." There was no heat to the blonde's statement. Only cold and casual fact.

There on the screen, beaten bloody to the point that it was almost impossible to recognize them, and tied up for everyone to see, were Sai, Fuu, and Torune.

Naruto recognized all three of them.

Sai was obvious.

Fuu and Torune, because they were right with Danzo when he betrayed Konoha in the previous timeline.

There was only one reason why Danzo would have sent Sai on a ROOT mission all the way to Iwa.

He didn't send them to Iwa in the first place. Danzo had sent them after Naruto himself.

o. o. o.

Naruto wasn't the only one that did not take the revelation well. Every member of Naruto's circle of friends was anchored to their spot, completely aghast at the turn of events.

"Torune." Shibi couldn't believe his eyes.

"That's… Fuu. My nephew. Danzo recruited him years ago." Inoichi stammered. "But, if he's there, then that means…"

"Daddy. You said that the person who went into my head used our jutsu. Then… he's the one that tagged me and invaded my mind?" Ino came to the same realization, eyes dilating as she found out she had been betrayed by someone close. "Sai… Sai knew about it."

"Look with your eyes Ino. You couldn't do worse to him if you tried." Sasuke clenched his teeth and tightened his fists. There. Right in front of him. If something wasn't done soon, another person close to him was going to die, and he was completely helpless to stop it. "Damn it Naruto. You spent three years with that insane asshole. There has to be something you picked up…"

"ANBU." Tsunade growled, murderously. "Arrest Danzo for high treason. Put him in solitary. If he resists, don't be gentle. If he complies, don't be gentle."

"But what about Ooga-" One of her guard hesitantly asked, only to nearly pass out from the killing intent his leader shot in his direction.

The wrath of the matriarch had been invoked. The kind wise healer's other face revealed. All were reduced to weak and helpless children.

"I gave you an order."

"Ma'am!" All of the shinobi around her save for Shizune vanished instantly, unwilling to face their Kage's displeasure.

"Sai?" Hana gasped while Anko gaped in disbelief. Both turned to Ghost angrily. "Did you know about this?!"

"No." For once, Ghost wasn't smiling confidently. He didn't appear to be angry either. He'd look bored if it weren't for the fact that he was clearly paying attention to the show. Even his voice was dead even. The immortal wasn't excited in the slightest, leaning back, drinking his beer, and focusing completely on the screen in front of him. "Do you mind? I want to see what happens next."

Dima and Sylvia briefly looked at one another, but didn't say anything. This wasn't the first time they had seen Ghost like this, and it wouldn't be the last.

Hana and Anko seemed to get the hint a moment later, retracting their accusing glares and slowly retreating from the man.

It was ironic. The more emotional and angry Ghost got, the less emotional he appeared.

No, that wasn't right. It wasn't that he got less emotional. It was more he simply didn't feel like making an effort to keep up the image he enjoyed playing in front of others.

All throughout Konoha Stadium, most of the audience looked around confused. There weren't many that were familiar with Danzo in the first place, and those that did only were aware that he was an elder that most people tended to stay away from.

o. o. o.

"Danzo? Danzo Shimura?" Onoki frowned in confusion, looking at the three captives. "You mean to say that those three are part of ROOT?"

"I should be surprised you know of it to begin with." The Sage glanced back at the Tsuchikage.

"How? Everyone with high clearance in any major shinobi military and political force knows of ROOT and the man behind it." The Dust Release user snapped. "The dark side of Konoha. The group that is responsible for more international upheavals, broken treaties, and fallen governments than at least two of the other major Shinobi nations combined. In case you haven't noticed, there's a reason why most of Konoha's contracts come from many lesser countries and not major ones despite the reputation that your shinobi piss rainbows and unicorns. It's because the lesser ones aren't resourceful enough to learn of Danzo's activities in the first place."

Everyone took in a moment to digest the information.

Judging by their looks, both Naruto and Jiraiya were completely unaware of just how influential Danzo had been in the grand scheme of things over the years.

Of course, now, everyone in Konoha was going to be oh so curious about the nature and doings of their least liked elder, and his dirty laundry.

Naruto turned to look at the screen again, staring with dead even eyes at the audience. "Old Hag, we can take turns holding him down and beating him when I get back. You can have the first shot, but only if you don't kill him or knock him out in the process. I want to see him feel my fist too."

o. o. o.

"DONE."

o. o. o.

"Well, this has gotten south fast. Normally I'd advise you against killing an elder." Jiraiya lectured his godson while cracking his knuckles, turning to look at Nagato once more. "But then again, we've gone far past normal. Save a pound of flesh for me, will you? I've been looking for a reason to tear that prick a new one for decades."

"I'll even wrap it up and hand it to you in a doggy bag." His focus zoomed in on his target. Even though it was mid-day, shadows had suddenly eclipsed his face to the point that the only things visible were the outline of his head and his narrowed, slit, murderous, sapphire blue eyes.

How unfortunate. If Nagato had any real experience in using Presence, he would have noticed Naruto just from that.

Ah. Wait. Hidan and Itachi noticed. No. Those two won't do anything yet. They want to see what he'll do first.

Good question.

What to do? What to do?

They were almost a kilometer apart from one another, and a good three hundred in elevation difference. Too far for most jutsu. Throw in the Rinnegan and Nagato's experience, and the number of individuals and techniques that could cross that distance in time to get to Sai without getting himself or the guy killed were countable on one hand with fingers to spare. Not counting the immortals of course.

Decisions. Decisions.

"Before you are spies from Konoha! Your enemies! Captured just beyond your walls! Liars that speak of peace, yet hide with their kunai in their shadows waiting to exploit you in your time of greatest need!" Pain shouted, his voice more grandiose than ever. "Should I just let them go?! Should I show them mercy when they would not?!"

Throughout the village, a good number of people that had not been evacuated shouted their thoughts. It did not help Onoki's mood.

Ah. A public execution. How classic.

He could work with this.

Naruto clapped his hands once, not once looking away.

All the shinobi near him felt the smallest ripple of chakra skim over their senses.

"What was that?" Kurotsuchi looked around warily.

"Preparation." The blonde didn't go into further detail as he watched one of Pain's bodies bring forth Fuu and forced him onto his knees, overlooking Iwagakure.

"Konoha, no, Shinobi have made a mockery of the word peace for too long!" Pain's Deva Path proclaimed with arms spread wide. A flick of the wrist later, a long, ebony, cylinder of metal a few centimeters in diameter snapped to his hand. "Die, knowing your last sight will not be the land you fought for, but that of the people you torture."

Shnk.

The black metal pierced through the mind walker's chest. Right through the heart.

Yes. He could definitely work with this.

There were cheers, growing in number in Iwagakure. Screams and yells in Konoha, and held back grimaces elsewhere around the continent.

Much like the rest of Akatsuki, Naruto didn't even flinch. They had all seen far worse to be affected by the death of some stranger.

For just a moment, Nagato's eyes rolled about, as if he had a seizure or a fit, however that was all that happened. Within moments he was looking down at the body hanging off of his weapon.

"Humph. A cowardly trick. As should be expected from one of that man's ilk."

With a flick of his wrist, Fuu's body was cast out over the wall, sending it falling over the space above the village. It landed with just as much grace.

"I know that look. You're going to do something stupid." Roshi growled. "Don't. Remember the plan."

"The original plan's already halfway fucked." Naruto countered, not turning away as Torune was dragged into place, listening to the growing number of yelling and cheers coming from all around him. "The village is not going to be on our side if I just pop up and say come and get me. Or if I just jump in to save them in some stupid heroic entrance, much less if I pull it off flawlessly. More likely they'll try and take me down, not knowing or caring that I'm on their side. The situation doesn't call for something as stupid as a hero."

All the way on the cliff, on one of the far edges, Hidan smirked widely, basking in the wide range of emotions and blood that was already being spilled. His eyes peered down at the village, down into the furious blue eyes that were staring right back.

"Come." He dared silently with a grin. "Come join your friends."

"Well then, isn't that perfect." Onoki hissed, beginning to float up, reaching for his radio. "If that's the case, we'll just attack now. I've had enough of this farce."

Torune was forced to his knees.

For the first time since Pain showed up, Naruto looked away, back at the Tsuchikage, and pinned the old man with a cold gaze. "Calm down. I said halfway fucked. It's still salvageable. We can still turn this to our advantage."

The old man froze. For one a second. Just for a brief moment, he could have sworn he was looking at Minato Namikaze at the height of the Third Shinobi War. They had only encountered one another once on the battlefield, but it had been during the battle that everyone claimed that the Yellow Flash was at his best, or worst, depending on which side you asked.

Regardless of who you asked, no one disagreed that the man might as well have been the literal embodiment of death that day.

"… How? I don't know about you, but we do not have much time left."

Shnk.

Torune was stabbed through the heart, and his body partially exploded into a purple mist. The microscopic insects that lived in his body would spread out and consume every bit of biological matter there was, engulfing the leader of Aka-

As if it was blown away with a gust of wind, the carpet of purple matter was blasted away without so much as a gasp or physical reaction from Pain. If anything, the Rinnegan user looked disappointed by the failed attempt.

"That outcome was so obvious it hurt." Naruto deadpanned, not at all concerned for the loss of the Aburame. He had remembered how badly Torune had hurt Shino during the previous timeline. There was no love lost here.

"I thought you Konoha bastards were all about standing up for your fellow villagers." Kurotsuchi accused.

"ROOT members are exceptions. They're more Danzo's slaves than Konoha's shinobi." The blonde countered, recalling just how many of those assholes turned against their fellow comrades in the previous timeline just because Danzo said so.

And then it was Sai's turn.

"… Most of them at least." Naruto corrected himself, flexing his fingers and narrowing his eyes to focus. He had one shot at this. "Just go with it Sai. Stand tall and proud. You're not a stooge like the others. Let them know that. Once they do, relax, and just go with everything that happens next…"

Those watching him regardless of distance reacted with disbelief, unable to comprehend what he was saying.

Sai clearly seemed to have heard Naruto's words as well if his momentary look of alarm and surprise was any indication, but a quick shove from his captors wiped it off his face before anyone around him noticed.

"What the hell are you talking about kid?" Roshi frowned. "Your backup plan is to get him to die with dignity?"

"Onoki. Get your boys to move when things get fun and not a fucking moment sooner. You'll know when that happens. We'll regather at the grounds in the chaos. Stick to the air only if you don't have to fight both Konan and Deidara at the same time." Naruto ordered slowly making some seals. "Oh. And do try to have some fun while you're at it."

"Brat? What are you planning?" Jiraiya asked slowly, getting a progressively bad feeling as the seconds edged by. "Please don't do something insane while there are witnesses. I want plausible deniability here…"

o. o. o.

Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi grimaced as the screen focused on Naruto's calm and focused gaze. Most people missed it, but they had known the blonde long enough to spot his tell. A small quirk on the lips and cheeks that was barely noticeable.

A display of reluctant amusement.

It was his telltale sign that not only was he really, really, not going to like what was going to happen next…

… But that it was probably going to be magnitudes worse for his target.

Sai was kicked to kneel for his death, but surprisingly he managed to stay standing tall. He didn't fight his captors, but remained ramrod straight, overlooking Iwagakure and not putting up a fight in the slightest. His actions got a momentary pause out of Pain, his supporters, and the people in Iwa calling for his death, but as stated, it was only momentary.

"Damn it Sai." Kiba clenched his teeth and his fists alongside his friends. "Damn it Naruto."

o. o. o.

"A pity someone your age has to die so young for a corrupt country. You stand proud and blind for a false cause." Nagato lamented, if only with his words, weapon at the ready at the teen's back. "Blame the system that you were born in and those that you answer to."

The metal rod speared forward.

Naruto flipped through his seals at a blinding pace. His shit eating grin widened to show his unnaturally sharp fangs.

Over a kilometer away and three hundred meters up. Too far for an attack or illusion of any kind. Seals were only useful if already applied, and disrupting the cliff itself would probably buy Sai only a few second before he was attacked by another member of Akatsuki or fell to his death.

The rod pressed up against the left of Sai's back, right behind his heart.

Over a kilometer away and three hundred meters up… was well within Naruto's Seventh Sense range.

It exited Naruto's back, on his right side, his heart perfectly fine on the left side and his eyes facing a very surprised Pain face to face.

And he had learned to do many stupid things within this range that should not be possible.

Sai collapsed in an exhausted and delirious heap in front of Jiraiya, Onoki, Roshi, and Kurotsuchi. He clearly had no idea where he was.

"Hey." The blonde coughed up blood, but didn't spit it out. His right pectoral muscle was pierced dead center, preventing his right arm from moving. His left arm though, immediately reached over and grabbed the rod embedded inside of him. "Fancy meeting you here."

Long range replacement technique, success.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" People all over the continent shouted in genuine surprise and alarm.

So long as he could focus on the object or person in particular and it gave no resistance, he could swap places with nearly anyone within the range of his Seventh Sense. It took some focus to do, so it wasn't rapid fire applicable, but it was doable.

After years of abusing the technique, Naruto had mastered it to the point of bullshit, breaking the laws of physics and its original intended effects.

Just like the Shadow Clone technique.

Just like the Transformation technique.

Fuck you academy. Dead last his demonic ass. Shows what they know.

All things considered, it was the only genuine timespace technique outside of summoning he had ever managed to master.

"Huh? Oi oi! Itachi! Isn't that the Kyubi brat?!" Kisame shouted in genuine surprise before looking at Samehada. "No wonder Samehada was acting up as we got closer to this place!"

"That's the Kyubi?" Sasori frowned, looking at the boy skeptically. "Is he an idiot? Throwing himself in front of your blade like that? No. Why is he here in Iwagakure in the first place?"

"Leader. I would advise caution." Itachi spoke up. "The Kyubi jinchuriki has a reputation for being particularly unpredictable and unreasonable."

"You're too kind Itachi." Naruto grimaced, trying to steady himself on his two feet as his enemies closed in warily. Talking with a lung pierced all the way through was more painful than it sounded. More so considering he was a wind elemental master, which meant that his lungs in particular were quite important to him. "Sasuke says hi."

"Yeah. That's him all right." Kisame didn't let down his guard. "Kid has a mouth and personality that only Hidan and Deidara could love."

"I noticed."

Rippled Eyes of God peered down from the heavens, witnessing everything from above.

"HURGH?!" Naruto stiffened and bit back a yell as foreign chakra and Presence ran through his system thanks to the weapon in his body. He could feel Nagato's eyes inside his head and forcing his body still, the sensation intense enough to almost make him forget he was stabbed through the chest. Five years since the last time this had happened and it still wasn't easy to stomach in the slightest. He barely managed to stay on his feet.

"Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze." Pain droned. "I admit, I wasn't expecting to encounter you here. At most, there were only rumors of you being back in the elemental nations."

"I was on, vacation." The blonde ground out, his smile obviously forced. "Worked on, my tan. You look, like you, need one too."

"Humph. Your reputation does not do you justice. Your tenacity is something to be commended, though it is useless. You can't beat a God."

"Ha. Haha. You're right about that. Gods are fucking scary." Despite getting a bone chilling wave of chakra sent through his system, Naruto couldn't help but laugh. "But you? A God? You're a substitute demigod, at best. Not even, a good one. You don't, even know, when other Gods, are near you."

Hidan nodded violently, completely agreeing with Naruto. "It's true! He doesn't!"

As expected, everyone ignored him.

Nagato frowned. "What you believe does not matter. You have already forfeited yourself. There is no escape for you now Kyubi. Your defeat here will only benefit me in the end. Your sentimentality to your comrades has undone any plan you might have conjured for my arrival."

As if to prove his point, Nagato thrust his weapon even deeper, getting a yell of pain.

o. o. o.

"Naruto!" "No!" "Bastard!"

All over the elemental nations, people shouted in anger or fear for the jinchuriki, for their friend, for their hero, for their benefactor, for the person in general.

Shion worriedly looked over to Hinata to see her reaction. Oddly enough, the Hyuuga heiress didn't seem to outwardly show anything. Not in great detail at least. Her posture was perfect as always, and her expression was as cool as could be, but the Princess's real emotions were betrayed by the fact that she was gripping the guard rails in front of her hard enough that her fingers were sinking into them.

"Naruto you idiot." She whispered to her boyfriend. "This is too much. You could have saved Sai in a dozen other ways. Why did you put yourself in his place?"

"Ghost." Hana growled dangerously, her boyfriend simply sitting next to her, drinking alcohol with a dead even face. "Do something."

She knew he could. She knew he could save the kid, just like he saved her.

She knew it, and wanted him to act. She couldn't watch this anymore.

"No." The man repeated himself calmly without so much as a whiff of hesitation.

"You… you're just going to let him get captured?" Anko slowly asked. "You're going to let him die?"

"If it happens. It happens. This is Naruto's fight, not mine. He's known since the beginning that I wasn't going to help him in any way regarding Akatsuki once he came back." Ghost firmly maintained his position before taking another sip. "Besides…"

Naruto picked his head up…

"Does that look like the face of someone that doesn't know what he's doing?"

… Revealing the most pissed off, vicious, murderous, and impossibly annoyed glare anyone had ever seen.

o. o. o.

"Yeah. You're right. My plan's worthless now.

The Ringed Eyes of God were assaulted on all sides by The Fanged Storm of the Heavens, and thus the world was forced still.

"You were supposed to stab me in a place that didn't hurt so fucking much asshole."

It was as if a bomb had gone off, only there was no sound or flash of light.

The quality of Scabbard's screens dropped to a grainy resolution as literally every single person in Iwagakure and every spectator around the continent went mute.

Even though it made no sense and should have been impossible, a whirlwind blasted out from all screens displaying Naruto at the same time, regardless of where in the continent, throwing all spectators into a confused state and the locations into complete disarray.

The six paths of Pain stiffened, unable to move.

Miles away, in a cave hidden by colored papers, an emaciated man with crimson hair and rippled eyes stiffened as two feral slit blue eyes echoed through his head, rampaging and disrupting his chakra through the ebony metal spikes that pierced through the majority of his body.

The same ebony metal spikes that littered the piercings of each and every Path of Pain.

The same ebony metal spike that was currently pierced through the chest of Naruto Uzumaki.

The Heavens had awakened with fury. The howls of the countless realms above reached the unworthy below. Fangs and hunger were allowed to reach their apex, thrashing about in every and all ways they saw fit, all together forming not a storm but the very chaotic nature of the sky itself.

Eyes snapped open throughout the skies, turning their attention to what was below.

The Feral Gale had gained strength over time, returning as something that eclipsed, claimed, and dominated the infinite skies.

For a lesser god that was barely aware of itself, a being that merely dwelled in the realms up above, it had but only one available option to it: be blown away as a mere casualty.

Six pairs of ringed eyes stared in disbelief at the blonde teen. Unable to move despite the warnings shouted at them.

Six pairs of ringed eyes stared, as five more blonde teens dropped from the sky without warning.

Each body made for each of the five days the blonde had waited.

Each body radiating with as much chakra as a member of Akatsuki.

Each body forcing down a giant ball of pure chakra, right on top of the Paths that had not stabbed the original, grinding them into less than dust with the raw power of their attacks and the force that they came down on.

Six pairs of ringed eyes watched in shock and horror as five of them were ground into oblivion, helpless and unable to move; paralyzed by the metal implements that granted them mobility in the first place.

One pair of ringed eyes remained wide open as the head they were in flew through the air, cut off from the main body as the stabbed boy casually swung out with his left arm, conjuring up a blade of the sharpest wind chakra ever molded, his hauntingly cold glare pinning every single person that saw it in place.

He didn't even seem to notice or care that all of the rest of Akatsuki was already almost on top of him with weapons drawn and jutsu ready.

Nor did Akatsuki notice the fifty some odd shadow clones of Naruto hovering even higher in the air above them all with their jutsu ready.

The battle for Iwa had begun.

Here we go.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Kagaseo for betaing.

Oh those gosh darn cutaway gags. You thought they happened for no reason, didn't you?

Ladies and Gentlemen, major plot battle. A la Naruto. A la Third Fang.

All the Paths of Pain were wiped out in the opening move that makes sense that isn't because the main character is OP as fuck.

Ahhh. It feels good. It feels really good finally reaching this point. And it's only going to get better from here.

I really feel bad that I had to rush a few things to get here. There were at least three or four different things I could have and wanted to cover before the fighting started, but I did not want or need to do them yet, so I decided to push them after the EPIC MONSTER NINJA CLUSTERFUCK EXTRAVAGANZA BRAWL IN IWA!

Sponsored by panties. Because they were going to sponsor someone and something at some point.

Truth be told though, I did try to get this out earlier, but I had a bunch of things happen in RL to me in April. I got sick for almost a week, on my birthday no less, and still have a lingering cough.

The biggest thing that happened though was my dad had heart surgery recently. I came back home for a surprise visit during Easter break, but he had gotten a call from the hospital earlier that day, and well, let's just say the combined surprise was a bit too much for him to handle emotionally.

He's doing fine now. The call was a false alarm, but we had to wait two days for confirmation.

Yeah. It was an eventful weekend.

Between those two events, I was held back a bit.

So. Anime came out. Good games came out. I'm still working and stuff. Trying to lose weight by eating less carbs in general on top of my running. Less pasta. Less sweets. Etc. No big. Simple stuff.

Not much other than that now. Next chapter's gonna be epic. Things are gonna be all over the place. Lots of people yelling at Naruto. Aaaand… surprises. Yeah. Surprises.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NARUTO BEAT PAIN BY STICKING FIVE BALLS AND A LONG NARROW SHAFT IN HIS FACE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!