Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

35. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty Four: The following is the sound of the author trying to finish the not just this chapter, but the current god damn story arc: MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA MUDAMUDA WRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

"Hey."

"Ugh." What the, where was he?

"Oi."

What the hell happened?

"Ģ̶̧̗̯̟̦̫̄̌̓̈́͗̕̕̚͝͝ȅ̵̡̨̡̲̥͇̯̼͖̗̹͗̂̒͊̔̔ͅt̵̟̜̱̭̻̝̗͍͎̖̘̲̗̞̩̏̃ ̴̨̛͚̹̼͍̼̭̤̗͗̅̇̾̋͘ü̷̬͎̫͌̒͊̾͊͒̂̊̓̍̕͠͝p̴̯̪̀̂͛̑̑̔̏͘͘̚͝."

He… he was doing something important. And then…

"Haaaa. Nnnngh." Oh by the Sages and Kages of old his skull and body were aching. Why the hell did he have to wake up now?

"Ero-S̵̡̼̻̥̹̯̹̟͓͇̼̻͎̎̃̔͂̚e̷̛̥̰͉̻̱̮͚̭ͅǹ̸̢̢̧̛̛͕̺̯͓͉̫̼͎͖̬̣̈́̓̄̔͋̿̈͋́ȋ̸̧̻̄͌̉́n̷̨͔̉. Stop sleeping on t̸̯͖̠͍̪̗͔̻̳̯̒̾h̸̡̺͎̦̯̀͛̍e̵̪̱͖̓͛̍̒̒͛̊͛̓̒̈̃͌̂ ̸̮̱̰̥͎͒̈́̔̌j̷̨̧̭͚̠̱̯̝͍̠̻̝̮͖͈̉̆͑ǫ̶̯̣͔̓̇̽̓̀̏̆̚̚͝b̵̢͓̦͈̞̞̞͌͒̆͌̍̾͋̾̿̋̚ you lazy-ass has b̷̯̹̦̦̹̿ͅe̷̗̣̤̎̊́̃͐̈́̃͒ę̶̧͍͇̳̱̬͍̇̓͌͛̎́͝͝ṇ̷̲̀̿̒."

"Shut, up. Brat." Jiraiya slurred as cohesion slowly returned to him, along with the agony that came from being awake.

Was it just him, or did the kid sound off?

Judging from how his body felt, he wouldn't be surprised if his ears were messed up too.

And the background noise wasn't making things much better. What with all the howling wind and lightning…

Wait.

"… Shit." Forcing his eyes open and the throbbing agony that pervaded his entire body back, Jiraiya returned to the world of the waking, and hoped he was still asleep.

Ally and enemy alike were collapsed on the ground near him. Either blissfully unconscious, dead, or writhing in what appeared to be unimaginable pain. Just a few meters away were the still unresponsive bodies of Onoki, Roshi, and Kurotsuchi. Their twitching frames were the only indication that they were still alive from where he was looking.

Considering what he remembered he had been doing before blacking out, the scene wasn't too surprising. Nauseating, yes, but not surprising.

What was more alarming was the fact that the sky above him would have been painted pitch black with the most violent storm clouds he had ever witnessed in his life, if it weren't for the fact that the abnormal clouds had even more bizarre openings in them that were anything but normal. The formations were folding and kneading into themselves as if being treated by the most sadistic evil invisible baker to ever exist, the process generating lightning that was striking so frequently all over the place that the Sage was worried for his own safety.

He could feel it with every iota of his existence. This storm was different than the other ones. It wasn't some jutsu that was fabricated meticulously over a long period of time, or with raw power.

It was… he was looking at…

The words escaped his mouth like a prayer. A whisper that hoped that things were not as bad as it looked.

"Oh kid. What the hell did you do this time?"

"Hurry up p̵̛̙̿̀̀̍̐͋̈́̿̽́͝͝͝e̷̱̙̠͉͋͛̀̅̔̈́ͅr̶̜̰̤̩̫̼̮͌́͐̋͂̽v̵̢͈̹̘̪̩̗̒̆̐̍͆́̋͊͜. We have ş̴̗̝̔͑h̵̡̝̰̯̤̩̲͍̲̙̻̫̠͎͒̆́͌̄̑͊̾͝ͅi̸̢͈̯͕̖͓̪͖̾͜ţ̴̭͚̤̩̬̘̗̜̤̽̎̀͊ todo."

o. o. o.

It wasn't immediately clear what had just happened to those that were not in the know.

From their perspective, Naruto had simply vanished after taking a lethal wound. It wasn't an illusion, or a replacement. He had been stabbed through the chest in a critical location.

And then, he just wasn't there anymore.

Yet, the winds only grew more violent.

No. They didn't grow. They had been violent and chaotic before. But the moment Naruto vanished, the streams and the winds, the funnels and the howling… became alive.

Lightning struck down with force and intent.

Twisters writhed and spun about like extended limbs.

And the dark clouds above thrummed with authority, as if they were there with purpose, announcing the unseen world hidden on the other side.

Hidan, or rather, the God of Physical Empathetic Pain, grimaced as he looked up at the growing cataclysm. Anger. Frustration. Disgust. It would not be far to assume that the God itself was just as weary of the day's fighting as everyone else was.

And yet, a short distance away, a spectator watched as if there was nothing wrong.

"So, this' what it looks like."

Ghost Oogakari, the God of None muttered as he drank his alcohol without a care in the world. Not bothered by the loud wind. Not fettered by the flying debris that always seemed to be within centimeters of impaling his body from all sides, yet missed every time. Not at all surprised by the bolts of lightning that seemed to occasionally try to strike him, only to curve out of the way at the last moment as if they were merely trails of water around his frame.

The man's blank eyes, with pupils stitched shut, stared absently into the heavens, observing a show that no one else could see.

"Not bad."

Behind him, Crypt's head was sticking out of the ground. His crimson eyes glowing through the ratty black hair at his brother, and the limp neck of a Zetsu stuck in his jaws. A malicious and horrifying aura permeated from his body, twisting everything around him as if exemplifying that he was angry enough to pervert the world as he saw fit just by being mad.

"… You know, I think that's the closest you've ever been to going vegan."

Crunch.

Crypt's mouth slammed shut, beheading the plant man with a shallow but malicious growl.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. You can see the truth better than anyone."

Crypt continued to growl like a mad dog, glaring at his brother with his unnaturally crimson eyes, his face covered in Zetsu's bodily fluids. The killing intent he was emitting was enough to kill nearly anyone that was born on that world. In a way, one could almost see parallels between him and the monstrosity that Hidan had become.

He continued to growl as the world howled and lightning flashed.

He continued to growl as a snot bubble inflated from his nose, growing to an unnatural size that shouldn't be possible even if there weren't unnatural winds and debris flying everywhere.

He continued to growl as the bubble pulled him up out of the ground and he was carried off by the winds randomly without putting up any form of resistance.

Ghost drank his beer, pretending to have not noticed his brother's odd departure.

... Well, the loophole's been verified and deemed valid, so at least the absolute worst outcome was averted. Yipee.

o. o. o.

"So that's why that asshole was so adamant about keeping the kid away from us." Shadow flatly stated with not a single hint of mirth, glee, or empathy in her tone.

Waltz, Dima, and Sylvia all shared similar grave expressions.

Had any of them had a good look at Naruto in person, they all would have been able to figure out that he was a Law user within seconds. It wasn't simply a matter of mental trauma and psychological stress. Once a person used Law, things were never the same. Marks on their very being that never went away.

"We were too lenient. This will be addressed." Scabbard's voice echoed in the background. "You were sloppy, Sylvia."

The fact that Scabbard said her actual name instead of her nickname made the woman wince. She had seen Naruto in person after all during the mission in the Land of Demons. True, he had been asleep and in fox form, but those alone shouldn't have been enough to hide the signs from her if she bothered to take a real look at him. For someone of her standing and reputation, it was a pretty bad miss.

"Sorry. I saw the kid was messed up, but I just brushed it off as Ghost going overboard on another prospective. I was more interested in the wounds he got from that stint he did in another realm. You know it's not often that someone spends time on another turf, messes with one of the owners there, and comes back. Kid's halfway famous for it already." Rumor has it Ghost actually had to put some effort into keeping some of the other groups try and snag him for investigation. It would explain why a few dozen universes had been cremated without warning recently.

"Law. He just said Law. This, this has to be a joke." Skyler looked around with a disbelieving expression. "You're telling me a kid knows how to use Law? Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Uh. Guys? Context for the normal people?" Hana looked around nervously. "What's happening? How bad is it?"

Waltz looked absolutely furious. "Bad. No one with a shred of decency and common sense is cruel enough to teach Law to anyone. Even we aren't that sick."

Shadow continued ominously. "More importantly, we in particular are strictly prohibited from teaching Law to anyone."

"You're not allowed to teach it?" Anko blinked in confusion as she watched the lighting strikes begin to fall down with greater intensity and fury. Many of which were directed at Hidan in particular, who in turn was somehow dodging and batting them all away with speed and movements that did not belong to anything that held a human body.

Waltz didn't look away from the screen. "Law is a messy subject. Depending on the user and their nature, it can range from completely useless to utterly devastating. The biggest issue though, is that it is not something pedestrian like an attack or transformation. It is, an imposition."

"An imposition?" Hana blinked in confusion, going over everything she knew about Presence and the Oogakari, before she came to the only conclusion that made sense. And it terrified her.

The first step was self-enforcement. Increasing one's abilities and defense. Resisting the influence and abilities of others.

The second was self-assurance. Ensuring the outcome of one's actions to achieve the desired results. Perfect accuracy. Increased control of actions. Heightened senses and awareness of all things related to the user. Maxed out, it could enable the user to dodge and avoid things they normally would be incapable of.

The third was self-redefinition. The Ways. Altering one's actions to obtain results that would otherwise be impossible. Moving long distances in a single step. Reaching out with and arm and grabbing something far beyond one's reach. Some users could even alter their bodies with it, albeit, that approach was highly dangerous and risky.

All three were focused on the users themselves. The highest form of self-control techniques. Hence why users of Presence were considered the Gods of Themselves, because nothing else had higher authority over themselves.

But going by that logic, the next step would be self-imposition. The only thing that all Presence users could possibly use to impose onto anything was…

"You don't mean…"

"It's in the name child. There's a reason why it's called Law." Dima growled. "Presence is the full mastery of everything that makes up one's definition. The image displayed is the concept that best represents that definition in a single unified idea. Law…"

He didn't need to say any more than that. Anyone that knew enough about Presence could reason out the rest.

Law imposed one's image into the world itself. Not simply making it reality, but making it a genuine part of the system that dictates what is real and what is not.

On the screen, they watched as the storm generated by the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens (Naruto Uzumaki) rampage over the lands of Iwagkaure, unleashing untold devastation onto a single man.

If one paid attention very carefully, they'd be able to glimpse the image of a blonde teenager flicker in and out of existence all over the devastation as if he was a byproduct of static.

Shadow grimaced, knowing just how bad the fallout was going to be. "Law, messes things up. Nature doesn't react well whenever someone uses it. The sudden addition of a new rule, even if it is localized, has a tendency to throw everything out of balance, even after… if, the user returns to normal."

No one missed the "if" part of that sentence. Suddenly, the idea of it having a high risk and possible mortality rate made far more sense.

"That explains why it's dangerous. But why specifically are you not allowed to teach Law?" An ANBU pressed, and for good reason. Most of the time, if the Oogakari came across a rule they didn't like or thought was in their way, they'd just shout "Fuck the police" and charge right through with wide grins aplenty and pants in short supply.

Waltz sighed. "A while back. Before us, some idiot thought it would be a bright idea to try and make an army of Law users. Standard world domination God complex fool. Tried to figure out a way to mass produce them. The results, were messy to put it lightly. Having too many users in one place can cause problems you don't even want to imagine being real."

He didn't bother telling them that the "mass production" success rate was only ten percent. The fact that there had been a legitimate army despite that was bad enough.

Five thousand, eight hundred and sixty two main branch Universes collapsed due to systemic instability. Countless subsequent secondary branches became casualties by conceptual association…

There was not a number that existed that could accurately represent the number of sentient lives lost.

For the record, the Oogakari were in fact not the first group of mortal based dimension travelers to be responsible for several mass multiversal catastrophes.

They only held the record for highest number, and even then they barely accounted for more than four percent between all of them combined.

On a side note, Ghost did hold record for the worst of them.

He wouldn't share the "honor" with the rest of his siblings. Selfish bastard.

"Bottom line. Teaching Law in general is heavily looked down on, even in the best circumstances. Not illegal per-say, but you are not going to make any friends doing it." Shadow summed it up. "The second a user is found, every minute detail about them and literally everyone they are in association with becomes a commodity to make sure that no one is getting ahead of themselves."

Dima growled. "While even these idiots here aren't cruel enough to teach it to others, and have no real interest in destroying everything for their own personal benefit, that doesn't mean that other groups out there have the same confidence in them. Because of the absurd amount of, we'll call it authority, the Family has in certain circles, more than a few were wary of them expanding their influence significantly. In order to prevent these groups from doing something retarded, the Family facilitated and signed an Accord. A binding agreement so that things remained… civil."

The Scarred Accords. Nearly every seasoned dimensional traveler knew of it. The agreement that stayed the hands of both Gods and the Family from tearing one another apart, along with the rest of existence. Named after the immeasurable rift that Ghost had torn into the Great Multiverse in his rage. It was a famous document that few knew the location of, and even fewer knew of all the exact contents.

The accords didn't have much hold on Zuzushi herself though, on the basis that, well, she was Zuzushi and could do whatever the hell she damn well pleased. It was a glaring loophole that everyone knew about, but no one even dared to bring up for obvious reasons.

One of the sections on it that most knew of in some part, was the limitations placed on the Family's growth of power base. Despite being overwhelmingly powerful individually, the amount of territory the Family exclusively had under their name was unnaturally small. Not that any of the immortals cared. They didn't give a damn about taking over worlds or the like, and the rules did nothing to prevent them from travelling to whatever world they wished.

However, teaching Law or purposefully fabricating events that yields users of Law was a forbidden act for them. Too many Law users under a single banner was a bad sign at the best of times, and the Family had a complicated enough reputation as it was. If a younger Family member wanted to learn it for whatever ill-informed reason, they had to do so under their own steam with no help from their kin. This was an absolute.

"Even if these idiots weren't forbidden to teach it, they still wouldn't normally do it." Dima interjected, his face grave. "Law's an extremely unreliable ability. To the point that most in our profession don't even bother thinking about learning or teaching it in the first place. There's a universe of difference between those that can simply use it, and those that have genuinely mastered it. The time and risk it takes to even comprehend utilizing it reliably alone is obnoxious enough to turn off most prospectives."

"How unreliable are we talking?" Anko grimaced, already getting an idea of what they were getting at. She had taken courses on being a Jonin-sensei. She knew a shiny, super powerful, super potentially suicide move when she heard one. Hell, she knew more than a few herself that had been saved up for a particularly rainy day.

Sylvia's eyes flashed with myriad of undefinable colors as she watched the screen, almost as if she could follow exactly what was happening. "Ninety Five percent mortality rate for first time users. Eighty seven percent chance of a complete mental breakdown in the survivors. For subsequent uses, if there is one… the odds vary depending on the recovery made."

"What the hell, Ghost?" Hana grimaced. "Why did you teach Naruto something like this? What's next? You taught him Order too?"

"Order?" Skyler looked back with mixed confusion and trepidation. "What's Order?"

"If you have to ask…" Specks started slowly, as if he was talking to a small child.

"Oh hell, you mean there actually is something above Law? I thought those rumors were just bullshit to mess with noobies."

"Exactly." The old man glared down briefly, as if daring the man to say otherwise.

"Son of a bitch what the hell did I get myself into?"

"That's what they all say. Eventually." Waltz sighed, watching the chaos on the screen unfold.

o. o. o.

Law.

Of all the absurd ways that mortals managed to pervert what they had been given, Law was one of the most disgusting from a God's perspective.

There was a mortal saying that imitation was the highest form of flattery, but from where he stood, all he felt was revulsion.

Hidan felt like throwing up, seeing the Lord's work in action. From the funnels that writhed all around him, to the ebony clouds that could be mistaken for the night sky, to the relentlessly striking lightning bolts that were so grand and frequent that the world itself was illuminated more than noon on a summer day.

The fact that his flesh was being stripped and healed endlessly as it was exposed to the perpetual winds around him did not register in the slightest. Nor did he even try to emulate and reflect the damage back to his enemy.

The winds around him were a mere byproduct of the Lord's coming, like air that was disturbed from walking in any direction. There was nothing to directly impose in the first place.

More importantly though, was the fact that there was no physical body to impose it on either.

(Play: Ultranumb, by Blue Stahli)

The Lord of the Chaotic Heavens (Naruto Uzumaki) flickered in and out of existence right in front of him. An ambiguous transparent entity comprised of high pressure winds that formed a shell that almost resembled a human with glowing blue eyes. The bulk of his image was blurred with the endless writhing streams of gas, fast and thin enough to make one feel like they were being cut just by looking at him, and giving the impression that he was donned in a wild, mostly fur based ensemble.

How convenient. The Lord's imposed self had a physically defined representation.

Hidan readied his weapons.

The Reaper-

"No." Naruto Uzumaki, with his arms crossed, lifted a finger.

From Hidan's perspective, the world had turned sideways.

From an outside perspective… the world had turned sideways.

In reality, Naruto had simply diverted the individual kinetic energy that the gas in the area had into a single unified direction, essentially turning the local atmosphere into a single semi-solid entity…

… Moving sideways at roughly Mach Three, dragging literally everything along with it.

Save for the one responsible, who was nowhere to be seen.

"Ngh! An event, like this, is a joke!" With a burst of power that rippled through the space around him, Hidan literally shattered the metrological event that had thrown him through the air like a ragdoll.

The gas in the area seemed to shatter from the distortion…

… Then break apart further, stirring up the dust and moisture in the atmosphere, agitating at an accelerating rate that warned of immediate danger, manifesting black clouds that resembled the ones that were in the sky…

Hidan swung his scythe just in time to directly counter the first bolt of titanic lightning that struck down upon him from the black abyss above him like divine judgement. The impact between the two forces shattering the stone ground beneath him and saturating the gaps with a twisted mix of electricity and corrupted empathy.

However that lapse in attention distracted him long enough for the disrupted black clouds around him to fully manifest, encaging him in a lightless round prison. The target had just barely been hidden from sight from the outside world before the ball itself lit up like a bomb and erupted not with fire, but pure electricity, blinding even the sky for a few scant instants.

As if adding insult to injury, before the dust had even begun to fall back down to the earth, a titanic twister charged down at speeds that nature would normally not allow and smothered ground zero as if it had a genuine grudge.

And then with a blink, it was split vertically in half all the way up to the sky, parting to reveal a fettered, burnt, yet still intact and very annoyed Hidan.

His body seemed to comprise of static as he shifted irregularly in several directions, barely dodging the bolts of plasma that sparked between the fading halves of the twister that fell apart to either side. Each discharge striking with enough power to impale a mountain.

With a swipe of the pike in his off hand, he deflected a bolt that would have hit him from his side, while one from his scythe knocked away one from above.

A third disintegrated his abdomen where his left kidney was.

Annoying. Insulting. Infuriating.

The Lord desired to proclaim his authority? Fine then. Let's see how he would fare against ano-?!

The red chain around the Reaper's neck tightened.

"Ngh?!" He faltered, allowing his body to be electrocuted and burned by a particularly nasty lightning strike that hit his spine and spread out all over his body, burning all of his nerves temporarily. "Contract's curse?!"

Why did it react against him this time? Its impulses had done nothing but keep him alive so far.

When it subtly prompted him to make the seal in the village.

When it turned his attention to where Kaguya was.

When it gave him a small boost in power to survive the Lord's and the Arbiter's combined attack.

All he was going to do was… was…

His eyes widened in realization as he finally regenerated enough of his nerves to control his body once more as he skidded across the earth and deflected away another lightning strike, jumping out of the way of another twister an instant later.

If Empathy returned to being just that, then Hidan would vanish entirely…

The curse kept the claimed target alive to ensure the desired encounter. No matter what or who desired the subject's demise. Even from the target itself.

He, no, Empathy, could not return to its original conceptual state.

A surge of genuine rage and malice swelled through the misplaced deity, originating not from another but from itself for the first time in eons.

To be stuck in a mortal frame while a mortal pretended to play the role of the divine… the irony was not missed, nor appreciated.

It was…

Malicious inhuman eyes turned on not the heavens, or world around it, but the almost comically casual man watching it all a short distance away.

… A bad joke.

Ghost held up his drink and saluted with a lazy smile, as if he had read Empathy's thoughts and held no reservations verifying them.

Hidan would have sneered, or reacted for that matter, however his attention was ripped away by the sight of a spinning twister nearly fifty meters in diameter.

Not coming down on him though. No.

Instead it had already touched ground a fair distance away, turned ninety degrees, and was now barreling down on his position like Manda with his mouth wide open, howling in endless hunger.

"This is going nowhere."

With wide flourish, Hidan's body snapped into motion. His crimson scythe glowing with power streaked down and gouged three scars into the oncoming monstrosity.

His pike, on the other hand, speared straight up into the sky, extending like a vile needle, piercing up and up, straight through a second twister that had been hidden by illusions and natural camouflage, dispersing the formation before it could make landfall.

"… Tch."

The following instant, Hidan vanished in a burst of speed.

The moment after that, the two oncoming twisters that he had seemingly obliterated reformed as if nothing had happened, and devastated the place he had once stood.

"Even with the people of that village supporting me and my greater foundation, I can't circumvent the Lord's authority in this pathetic state." He was little more than a blur, running about the landscape, weaving through flying debris, deflecting errant bolts of lightning, and dancing around folds of air that were sharp enough to cleave small mountains in two.

There was no point in hiding. The Lord of The Chaotic Heavens was watching his every move and action from nearly the perspective of the divine. If "Hidan" had known any earth element techniques, he might have been able to hide below, outside of the teen's authority, but that was moot point now.

Victory wasn't outside of reach yet. No. There were two ways he could achieve victory, but…

One would assure his victory, this world, and get knowledge back to his main self to spread word of the God of None's betrayal. The hard way.

The easy way… it would be victory in a sense, but he still might not be able to escape if that outcome came about. And… he would be admitting that the mortal was his superior.

No. This, could not stand. Not again.

One way or another, the Family would suffer this day for their transgressions.

o. o. o.

"Move your fat nine tailed ass furball!" Kushina yelled from atop Kurama's head alongside Minato, their current bodies comprised of pure demonic chakra, giving them a feral and twisted appearance.

"Be quiet human! You know as well as I do how difficult it is to move in this mess!" The fox snarled as he pushed against the immense winds that carried more weight than the mountains they were in.

Law. Of all the stupid things that Naruto could have pulled out in desperation, he had to use Law. Just when the idiot had barely managed to recover from the last time.

"Naruto you braindead jackass! I know you can hear me!" Kushina yelled to the sky. "Don't you dare think that I won't ream your ass a new one when this is over! I don't care if it's spiritual or physical! You hear me?!"

Minato grimaced as he held onto the fox's head. Despite being a Hokage, he wasn't as adept at screaming at the top of his lungs in hectic situations as his wife was. More so after they were all recovering from whatever that last curse was that Hidan had used on them.

Before he could say anything though, something caught his attention and he looked to the side.

Right into one of the spatial distortions that held one of Scabbard's cameras.

"Kushina! A camera! They're watching!"

The redhead snapped her attention to where Minato was pointing and immediately got her face in front of it.

"Everyone! There's no time! It doesn't matter if you believe me or not! Just call out to Naruto! Talk to him! Yell at him! Threaten to cut him off from ramen! Anything to try and get his attention! He'll be able to hear you if enough people do it! It'll keep him self-aware! This technique, it's dangerous even by Oogakari standards! If he keeps it up too long, he won't be able to turn back! The last time he used this was a complete fluke, even by Naruto's standards! We don't even know if he can return to normal now without help in the first place!"

All around the world, the stomachs of countless people dropped into an endless pit.

o. o. o.

"Guys. Watch and remember this very carefully. Because, I'm going to do something, really stupid this time."

o. o. o.

Suddenly, Naruto's words from before made far more sense than most were willing to admit.

Hinata looked down at the fox clone in her arms in horror. It was still intact, but its chakra was erratic, as if sporadically attempting to be something else, and resulting in the clone not being fully aware of where it was anymore.

o. o. o.

"I'd stay near the furry for the time being. Talking to and reminding him of things wouldn't be a bad thing either."

o. o. o.

"He was warning us ahead of time." She recalled Ghost's words just before he teleported to witness the fighting first hand. "He was telling us how to help."

But… if Ghost of all people went through the effort to indirectly let them know that Naruto genuinely needed help in the first place, then that meant…

Without wasting another second, she held up the fox in front of her eyes and tried to get its attention. "Naruto? Naruto! Listen to me! Don't lose focus! We're here! We're waiting for you! Don't you dare try and leave us before you even get back home! Don't you dare leave me!"

Her sudden yelling at the clone caught all of her friends by surprise. But, it only took them a couple of instants to connect her frantic expression and current events to piece everything together.

"Damn it, you fucking idiot. Naruto. Don't you dare get yourself killed here." Sasuke snarled, a pit of fear spawned in his stomach the likes of which he hadn't felt since the Uchiha Massacre. "You owe me too much to keel over from some retarded technique that asshole taught you. You hear me!? You owe me an ass kicking! No! Twelve! Twelve ass kickings! We recorded them on the team Seven Ledger! Don't you dare pretend that you forgot you dumbass!"

"Hey, wait a second. You're right. Naruto you copout! You owe me seventeen beatings! Don't you dare try to rip us off after all the hell you've put us through!" Sakura held her fist up in the air in vengeance.

Sasuke turned to her in confusion and a smidge of jealousy. "Seventeen?"

"Medic bonus. Credit and a quarter for every major healing session service that his natural abilities couldn't cover in adequate time."

"… Where was I when you negotiated that?" He was both hurt and impressed.

"Chunin exams. Right after I beat his ass the first time for taking so long to bring me into the loop."

"What kind of deranged system do you guys have?!" Kiba was stuck between genuine alarm for his friend, and bewilderment that Naruto's best friends had this sort of setup between them.

"Really?! You two are getting off on hurting the jackass now of all times?!" Ino shouted in complete bewilderment. "We're supposed to make him want to come back to us! Not scare him away!"

Thankfully, the exact contents of what most of the teens were shouting were muddled by the confusion. What most people did realize was that they were shouting at Naruto, they were genuinely panicked.

Mix that with what Kushina had just told everyone over the screen, and soon enough the entire stadium was full of people shouting at Naruto for whatever they could think of.

o. o. o.

"E̷̡̯̾̐v̸͎̒̃e̷̗͍̍̊r̶̼̉̀y̸̙̆̊o̵̢͂͘n̸̲͐e̶͉̓͋͜ ̸̡̛̠i̷̺̟̎̇ṡ̷̢͜.̸͇̒̈.̸̉͜.̶̤̰̎ ̴̠̱̀c̵̜͔̀̒a̴̯͒̃l̴̼̇͑l̷̥͐́ḭ̶̂n̸͉̓̋ģ̵̭͊ ̸̯̇t̵̛̖̑ò̴̬́ ̴͕̺̄m̶͚̆ḛ̴͠͝.̷͆ͅ" An ambient thought traveled through the air around Hidan as he danced through the winds and around the lightning that fell down upon him like rain. "I̴͉̓̍'̸̦͋m̷̜͇̂͝ ̵̤͌͜n̷̳̐͛o̴̤͑̇t̸̝̏͊ ̵̜́̚s̶̲͗ù̸͚r̴̢̡̄ę̵̻͌ ̸̮̹̋I̴̘̱͗͠ ̸̝̙̉l̶̔͑͜i̵̦̪̇̔k̸͚̉̅ė̶̠͚͐ ̸̞̔t̸̥̱̚h̶̢̩͠ì̷̠̀ṣ̵̠̽̕ ̶̠́̓ḽ̵̔̀o̸̜̠̿̕v̶̦̅e̶̱͊͂.̶̥̫̆ Î̵̭t̴̟͂ ̸͓̞͛͠f̸̪͇̋e̶̻͋̀ḙ̷̓l̶̹̈́ś̶͙̃ ̵̣̄w̷̼͑̽e̶̙̐̈ī̴̹r̴͔̠͘͠d̵̢̉.̴̹́̅"

A blur of static faded in and out of existence behind him. The vague image of a human flickered like the room of a dying lightbulb.

"Haaa!" The possessed man turned around instantly, both weapons primed for murder and radiating with energies suited to deal with the abnormal.

The earth was gouged and the sky was parted, but nothing else was done.

"Ī̴̟͚ ̶̲͕͆͠ă̶̭̜c̶͍͖̊t̸͈̏͘u̶̥̅ą̴̥̐l̵̨̃l̶͚͐ỵ̴̈́͊ ̷̼̠͆d̶̛̰̱̄ĭ̵̝d̵̬͛ ̸͍͘f̴̠̘͋͘e̶̮̘̾̚e̴̪͛́l̷̛͂͜ ̶̼͇̍̐t̸͖͊h̸̢̠̊̅a̵̮̔̚t̵͚̰͌.̸̘͎͛͑"

Another wild swipe, and kilotons of stone and earth was upheaved.

"I̸̟̜͗'̸̼̣͌̆ṃ̵̝̍ ̴̱̍ẽ̴̬v̴͔̈́̐e̶͖̎̉ṟ̶̞̽͂y̶̬̎ŵ̶̮h̴̺͗͘e̶̬̍̇r̴̛̩̥e̵̗͆̊,̴̦̠̿ ̴̺̬̒ṡ̸̗̗͊o̷̟͈̕ ̸̖̃t̸̬̉e̵̯̊̽c̷͎̔h̴̳̐n̸̡͔͌͆į̷͗͜ĉ̵̨̘a̸̦͋̅l̷͈̱̐l̴̮͍̃y̷̟͎͝,̶̛̟̆ ̵̮͐͜y̵͓̣̓̕o̷̥͂̽ư̷̹͠ ̷̺͈͆̌c̵͚̓â̶͇̻̄n̵̥͊'̵̟̹̊̋ṭ̷͚͒̕ ̴̮̇̓m̵̛̭̮̈́i̵͓͍̊͒s̸̤̏̈́s̴̭̥̄ ̷̦͕̈m̸͑͜e̴͎̜̍.̴̥̊"

"Shut up damn you!"

"B̴͔̬̈u̸̗͖͌t̴̨̔̑ ̵̹͖͐̔y̶̻̕o̸͔͝ṷ̴̣̓ ̸̗͊͋a̴̬͕̓͒l̵̲̮͐r̸͚͐̉e̷̗̺̓͋a̴̻̅̄d̸͈͆̿ÿ̶̛͚ ̵͍͌̄k̸͖͎̇̈́ņ̸̐͌e̴̖̕w̸̱̜̕ ̷̬̆ͅt̴̘͙͑͋h̸̗͔̾ă̷̢̼t̷̢͍͒.̶̨̱͂͛ ̴̺̲̔̾B̸̙͝ė̸̜̺̓c̷̳͂͝ä̴̪͇̐u̴̧͊s̷̘͉͑e̴̛̘̾ ̵͚̬̅y̴̭̒͜o̶͖̜͝ŭ̸̘̦'̸̯̤̈͗r̷̞̈́ͅê̶̬͜ ̷͕̬̈́n̴͉̪̒o̶̧͒ŕ̴̬͝m̶̛ͅa̷̯̋ḻ̴̈́̔͜ḽ̶̟̐y̴͔̅ ̸͉̍l̵̝̺͒͘i̸͐ͅk̴̳͙͊ḝ̷̼́ ̴̧̠͋͋t̴̗͗͝ͅh̵̲̒í̸̩̥̔s̸͎͙̆͒.̷͗͘͜"

Every fraction of a second, Naruto's image seemed to flicker in and out of Hidan's peripheral vision, prompting him to attack more wildly than he normally would in an attempt to strike the main consciousness of the madness around him.

"L̶͈̺̅o̶̩͛̽ö̵̹͘ͅk̷̡̈i̶̳̾n̷͙̂g̵͖̱̓ ̶̣̜̾͝d̸̨̔͑ò̶̞w̶̥͆n̶̙͂ ̵͈̻͑f̴͚̀r̵͓̍ơ̷̹͐m̸̀ͅ ̶̼́͠ạ̸̛͑b̸͈̓o̷̫̅͝v̶̠̏̕͜ë̶͈̇ ̷̙̊ả̵̩̔ń̷̘d̷̨̛͍ ̷͎̝̉a̴̦͍͋͘r̶͖̒̚o̴̩͆ǔ̸̦n̴̙̔d̷̠͂ͅ.̶̪͕͒ ̴̨̧͑̎Ḟ̸̙l̵̨̆a̸͕̅͗ư̶̜̫n̴̜͛ṫ̸̻̀ȉ̸̡n̴̡̈́g̵̣̽ ̷̞̲͋a̸̦͖̅ ̶͔̯͊̀c̶̀ͅr̴͉̭̿ṵ̴̣̔d̵̲͖̈́̑e̷̿͜ ̶̘͕͝i̶̹͊m̷̹̑i̸̪͂̽t̴̜̆ä̸̖̫t̵̡͐̇e̴̦͒d̶̢͇͗ ̶̳͋o̸̝̕m̴̰͈͂̐n̴͚̣̓̀i̸̼̒͊p̷̮̋͊ŏ̸̼t̴͙͍̋̕ẻ̸͇͍n̷͕͐̂c̵͐ͅe̴͚͑ ̸̬̈́ẃ̶̖̕͜ǐ̴̡t̸̫͑h̴̨͗ǒ̶̬͐ǔ̸̩͝ṯ̸͗̕ ̵̫̮͌̂ć̴̮̲a̸̩̯̓̈ř̵͈͚e̸̱͍̊̌.̸͕͑"

The madman jumped, just as one of the long forgotten Rasenshuriken that Naruto had made before seemingly materialized into reality just a short distance away and blasted where he had just been.

"W̵̧̮͘h̷̠̼́̑å̵̬͂ṭ̵̖̈́͐ ̴͈̙̔̽ā̷̤ ̷̽͜d̴͔͒ű̷̗̕l̵̅͜l̴̯͋͠ ̶̮͌e̴͈̬͂̚x̴̺͙͠i̵̯̅͒s̶̼̈́t̸̯̾͊e̵̱̝̎͑n̶̩̣̈c̸̞̣̑̕e̵̟̹͆ ̶͍̭̄y̸̻͠o̷̬͂͝ư̵̯̹̂ ̵̰̲͐h̴̛͖̲͐ǎ̵̡͍͛v̶̪̏͠e̷̖̓.̴̨̊̀"

He contorted his body in midair, shifting the direction he was moving so he avoided being crushed by another tornado that came down almost as fast as the lightning.

Barely didn't count in this case though, as the spinning abomination seemed to pull in and wrap any space in the area, sucking and obliterating everything close to it.

"Space manipulation again?!"

As if he was tethered to rubber, Hidan was ripped from his original trajectory and thrown into the chaos. He was not torn apart, but shredded, as if the body of the twister was made of the harshest sandpaper, stripping his body piece by bloody piece without letting go.

The Reaper was losing patience.

"Haaaa!" The twister was slashed apart from cloud to stone, revealing a frustrated and half flayed culprit that was already busy deflecting and dodging more errant bolts of lightning.

"Ǐ̴̫̝̼̲̟̱̙̗̤̝̼̺̫̐͛̃̌͋̇̔͒̆̚͜͠t̸̢̢̘̟̣̠͈̜̞̟̮̲̊̔̾͐̀̀́̄̕ ̵̛̛̝̪̝͐̅͋̄̽̌͑̿̏̔͠s̶̥̞̪͚̼̩̑͗̏̏̾̒̓̿̅̈́͝ͅͅư̵͖̼̱̭͉̗̹̪̱̯̱̬͔̆͒͋͐̈́́͆͝c̴̢̜͚̔̀̇͑̑̀͐͒͘͝͝ķ̶̢̛̰̥̦̤͊͐̔͑̄̈́̋̐̉͑̂͘͘͝s̸̨̤͇̟͙͈͍̗̻̬̘̟̼͓̔̽̃̓͆̈́͛̒̕͠,̴̡̡̙̦̙̝̬͈͓̟͕͙̳̂̄͋̏̍̑̏̈́̇̚ͅ ̸̨̛̞̻̦̟̻̰̼̹̙̼͔̣̗̄̎̌̃̓͑̋́̀̕ḓ̶̓̽̐̑͗͆̐̈̕̚͝ơ̷̢̼̰̫͕͛͝ē̴̥͖̝͇̏͘s̷̡̨̛̛̼̹̟̥̙̳̈́̍̆̎̈̾̀̚n̶̝͔̬̖̟̬͌͝'̶̧̧̧̢̹̹̗̭͍̣̇̒̉̇́̀̇͝ţ̷̢̪̗̩̫̜͕̖͌̇̌̉́̌̚ ̸̗̩̣͉̫̭͍͐̅̑̎̌̓͗̎̓̌̓͠i̷̛̦̟̽̽́̓͌̇̉̕t̵̩͖͙̜̹͎̊̒͠͝?̶̨̡̧̥̬̯̥̥̮̉̐̈́̃̾́ ̸̡͓͚̙̦̭̬̞̮͈̹͍̈́́͛̔̈́͗̽̅͗̓͆E̵̮̊̎̔͒́́̀̏̒̋x̶̧̰͚̼͉͕͎̎́͌͋͛͐̾͝p̵̭̀̒̌͆͌̅͗̂̍́e̸̢̦͍̾r̴̻̲̠̻͖͙̹̥̫̒́̿̈́͝ȉ̴̯̜̅e̸̡̨̻̮̠̩̳͎͉̔́͐̓̽̃̐͑̍̎̒͘͠n̷̜͉̹͉͈͍̲̙͎͒̿̀͗͌͒͑̓͜c̸̛̛̺͕̅͐͒͐̇̏̅̎͌̾͊̇ͅí̵̢̧̬̟̬͚͉̄ǹ̴̹̫̺̔̾ǵ̶̡̞̹̭͓̥̜̰̭̈́̊̄̉̆̄͐͝ ̵̢̦̺͉͓̠͕̮̳͎̥̳̗̻̉̇͐̀̒̄̒͒͐͝i̷̡̨̘̲̭̺͚̖̩̮͕̻̼̹̐̑̈̍̀̾͛̍̾̈́̋͘̕͠͝ẗ̸̝͇̳̠̩̹̠̫̰̖́̂͐̆̓̅̓͆̏̚̕͠͠͝ ̷̡͉̜͓̮̹͖̻̥̝͙̹̮̒f̶͍͎̞͕̯̈́̀̊͑̕̚ŕ̵̨̧̺̗̰̞͌́̐̏̍̀̀ö̵̗̞̲͉͈̼̬̣̩̮́͗ṃ̶̛̹̲͍̮̖͉̳̮͊̇ ̵̨̙̜͕̣̹͚͙̻̬͚̝̊̽̉̉̾̎͗̑͘͜͝ț̷̨̧̢͕͍̰̠̬̞͑̀͌́̾̋͋͒͐͆̽̕h̶͈̙́̿e̷̡̨̛͖͙͎̻̣͓͙̠̍̈́̐̀̍̇̍͘ ̵̩̓̌͗͗̍ǒ̴̠́̑̅̒̄̊̏̑͌t̶̢̫̹̥͋̚h̴̨͉͕̗̹̻̪̣̾ę̷̤͚̠̰̻̜̮͐̇̑̉͐̆̕͝͠r̵̢̧̹̭̩̙̱̟̎̽̚ ̴̣̬͎̪̈́̃̌̿͛̓͛̔̓͊͂s̷̡̼͕̥̼̤̭̳̀͊̔͒͌̿̐̉̄͗̋͆͑̾i̸̡̱̖̯͚͉̭͉̞̲͕̼͌̄́̆̈́̀̈́͊͝͠ḍ̶̛̲͓̦̗̭͊́̈̎͗̇͐͝ḛ̷̩̲̻̪̜̝͚͔̪͍͕̲̀͒̉̑̃̇̉̀̃͐͌̍̃͜͝͠ͅ.̸͈͖̇̍̂"

"NGH?!" He stumbled under an undefinable weight and slammed hard to the ground on a knee, shattering it instantly. Barely managing to lift his head, Hidan watched as three more spinning disks faded into view around him in a perfect triangle with each edge at least fifteen meters long. The chakra constructs didn't attack him, but instead circled around him like sharks to prey.

His black eyes looked at the disks, seeing the odd way they harmonized with one another and the world around him. It was indeed the Titan's Curse again, but applied differently, on an area this time instead of a target if the sinking earth around him was any indication.

This was harder than he thought it was going to be. The Lord's nature was perfectly suited for wide scale destruction and environmental control.

However… The Lord's state was imperfect. Unstable. He could not balance himself adequately, or else his physical body would not be flickering in and out of existence. Just one hit, one massive disturbance to his psyche would be enough to throw him off and render him apart.

Mortals were not designed to be in ambient states like this. Their psyche's, their souls could not handle it without collapsing under the strain. Even the strongest ones would fall apart eventually, or adapt into something that wasn't mortal.

But, at this rate…

If direct attacks wouldn't work, then he'd use other means.

With a heavy roar and sloppy movements from fighting the immense weight on his body, Hidan slashed his side to spill a large amount of blood, moving quickly to make his seal.

He made it about halfway before the world around him froze in motion.

"N̵̨̳͎̣̘̮̭̩͍̖̱͓̾͒̂͌̂̀́́̚̕͠o̶̠̾ṫ̸̢͉̝̤̞̝͙̗͕͂͜͜ ̷̨̛͕͉̩̗̹̯̝̲̝͈̝̱̟̀ͅt̴̢̛͎̹̟̓̂̋̔͆̃̊̄̚͝ḧ̷̳̜̮́̇́̓͒̑̃̍̐̾̈́͆͘͝î̴̛͈̙̋̆͊̒̋͛͒̌̈́̚̕s̵̨̛̟̝͇͔̫̈́̉͑̔̍͘ͅ ̸̡̱̳͙̮͔̫͐̍̌̔́̃͊̌̀̋̎͘̕̚͜t̵͚͓̱͓͙͔̰͔̦̪̠͎̆́i̷̘̤͇͆m̸̛̬̱͎̤̳͐́̈̀̈ë̸̢͍̭̫̖̗̪̽̆̂͐̅͊̉̊̕̕̕͘͠.̴̱͉̹͛͆͐̉͊̑̽̉̔̔̋"

With a sudden jolt, the right half of Hidan shifted upward several centimeters, his body split in half.

Another jolt had his head spun ninety degrees seamlessly. There was no contortion. His head was clearly separated from his body.

Severed and shifted at the hips.

Spun at the arms.

Separated at the ribcage.

Faster and faster, Hidan was dissected and disassembled like some sort of unfortunate mechanical toy by invisible hands and knives, his blood unable to move or flow anywhere outside his body, lest it also be trapped in the cold world outside.

Until it finally stopped, and Hidan looked like something that came from one of Orochimaru's more demented and vicious experiments. Something that only had the barest resemblance to a human.

And then another twister came down like an asteroid and obliterated it all, scattering the monster's pieces in all directions.

As far as visual and excessive executions went, Naruto's display got pretty high up on the world shinobi list. A bit over complicated and wasteful, but not completely unnecessary considering who the target was.

If only it was enough.

As if a trigger was pulled, an overwhelmingly oppressive aura polluted the landscape, originating from the glowing chunks of what used to be a human body.

P in. R̴͈̹̼͓̪̮͑̇̂͆̈́̊̎̔́͝ą̴̣̦̰̻̲͇͉͚̘̜͙̈͑͒̚g̴̭͈͙̤̀̈́̋͒̈́̾͌̓͊̀̔͘͝e̶͈̻̥͚̖̓̑̾̿̐̚͘̚. Wra▌h. A̶͖̣̭̋͐g̸̢̦͔͔͕͇̭̟̣̰̐̓̈́̓̔͂̏͒͆̎́̿̄̕͝ony. Fury̶̨̛̼͔̯̲̤̲̖͖̻̹͛̚. $P█TE. M̶̨̝̤̙̜̫̘͕̰̣̮͆a̵̢͖̱̥̤̣̫̖̜̯̔̓̊̆̈́̏̃̕͘͘͝ͅli▄e. S▄ar3. R3Veṅ̵̡̛͍̮̤͖̮͚̙͚̩̯̲͂̐̐̓̓͐̆̓̉̕͜͝g̷̛̛̤͌̆̈́̐̓̽͗e.

"Someone's pissed." Ghost muttered into his bottle as he watched the storm try to scatter the bodyparts, only for the latter to turn into pure power and shoot to a single point, no doubt to reform the original body. "Careful. You have the brains and brawn over this guy, and the territory advantage…"

A pillar of undefinable black miasma shot up to the sky.

"But, you're up against one of those pricks that was born into privilege. And you're playing his game now."

The obelisk was assaulted and obliterated on all sides by countless bolts of lightning and twisters within seconds, however it still wasn't fast enough to stop it from disrupting the curse set on its maker.

The Abandoned Reaper… remembers.

The destruction didn't seem to get rid of the black mist that had been generated, that was still coming out of Hidan.

He remembers… everything.

Every scream of pain.

Every death wail.

Every broken bone.

Every gasp of desperation.

Every cry to the Gods.

Every drop of blood shed.

Every scar made.

Every memory seared.

Every blessing made by life itself.

And after the harvest… all come, for the feast.

The world seemed to shudder at the madman's state. The air itself wavered and trembled wherever the mist was, corrupting anything it touched to the point that space itself writhed in pain.

Naruto Uzumaki howled as his body was infected with pain that was not his. He was deafened with screams to the Heavens. His sight blinded with the agony that was shared by Humanity. So great was his distress that he did not notice the sears across his body, the imperfections littering his image, the cracks invading his very mind as everything about him slowly and agonizingly fell apart.

The wrathful Heavens were indeed overwhelming and nigh infinite, but the Lord was still the Lord. A singular entity. A singular power.

A singular target.

In the center of the black mass, taking form and basking in the madness was The Abandoned Reaper, Hidan.

And the Lord of the Chaotic Heaven's carcass would be the meal.

Ghost blinked once in surprise, but otherwise didn't react much. This state, this transformation. Was this guy aware of what he was doing to himself? This was beyond mere imitated imposition. At this rate, the Acolyte was going to…

Wait.

Come to think of it. That other thing happened right when he first turned into an Acolyte in the first place, didn't it? If that was the case, and things ramped up like they did, then…

A small, bet absolutely malicious smile slowly etched its way onto the immortal's face.

That crafty bastard.

As if their roles were reversed, Hidan finally went on the attack, his aura and corruption spreading out like a plague and infecting everything it came in contact with, save Ghost.

Lightning struck and twisters landed, but they did next to nothing against the conceptual phenomena that was perverting the landscape with pure malice and agony. Somehow, the non-sentient manifestations of destruction were inflicted with so much pain that they destabilized and fell apart before even coming close to the target.

The earth screamed. The sky screamed. Lightning screamed. The air screamed.

Everything screamed in an unreplicable chorus for all ears to hear.

Hidan, Empathy, was pushing it's abilities to the limits, imposing its concept onto things which it did not normally apply to.

Elsewhere, and everywhere, technically, Naruto's image was flickering in and out of reality, his face twisted in pain as he grabbed his head. The winds and lightning around him were beginning to writhe and twist in awkward directions as if they had minds of their own.

o. o. o.

"Hurry up! We don't have much time!"

Halfway to finally lifting up the final corner of the seal into the air, Jiraiya's group ran out of steam. The construct was channeling too much chakra to disrupt via normal means.

So instead of lifting the corner up, Roshi had the brilliant idea of melting literally everything around it down with his Lava style and drain the refuse into the countless aqueduct tunnels underneath the village. After Shima cooled off the lava with her water, Onoki could just jump down the hole made and work his destructive magic.

Apparently, blood bonded seals were physically sturdy, but were not lava proof. Go figure.

The Jinchuriki had to be careful not to melt the surface around the seal and accidentally kill the civilians above, but otherwise, the ordeal was vastly easier and more efficient than ripping the seal apart.

"Got it!" Roshi shouted as the hollowed out ground beneath him was cooled off from the water Shima poured in. "It's as cooled off as it's going to get! Noki!"

The Tsuchikage dove down into the rapidly draining and still boiling water with hands encased in stone, making seals as fast as he could before severing the titanic pillar in half, reducing the freed half's weight with a touch, and lifting it out of the ground with a heavy heave.

It went to show just how exhausted and rushed the old man was when he didn't bother to take his time dumping the people on the ground before obliterating the stone. There was no doubt going to be some broken limbs among the victims, but at this point, he'd just blame Hidan when they came too.

"Well?!" He snapped. "Did it work?!"

They didn't have time to reply before the desired effects that they were all hoping for finally came into play. The oppressive and aggressive sensation that had been playing on all of their nerves and instincts died off almost instantly, and the glowing seal painted in the blood of friend and foe alike died down until it was simply a crimson stain on the ground.

"The seal's down!" Jiraiya cheered, finally happy that they managed to get some progress. "The seal's finally…" He trailed off as something in the distance caught his attention, killing his motivation. "Down."

Kurotsuchi turned to where the sage was looking, and quickly figured out what had killed his mood. "Yeah, but, why do I still feel that disgusting and twisted power in the distance?"

Now that they weren't practically on top of the active seal and their senses weren't smothered by the corrupted chakra, they were able to feel Hidan uninterrupted.

It wasn't pleasant.

"Wait. Something's off." Roshi looked up at the sky. He had missed it before, but the almost protective atmosphere they had seen since waking up that seemed to lessen the effects of the curse seal nearby was turning erratic and unstable. Above, the clouds almost appeared to twitch in odd directions, as if reacting to something unpleasant.

Jiraiya frowned as he tried to look for the familiar flicker of Naruto's image that had been occasionally taunted their peripheral vision, only to come up with nothing. "… We have to get back to Naruto. Now."

o. o. o.

If there was one major weakness that was applicable to nearly all Law users that had yet to truly master its intricacies and intimacies, it was that it left the user extremely susceptible to spiritual and mental influence.

Of course, trying to mentally and spiritually assault a bodiless and formless existence most of the time was impossible for most beings. Then there was the fact that one had to be careful not to be completely obliterated while the world potentially turned on its head. However for those that were above and beyond the norm, the ones that warranted the use of Law against in the first place… an inexperienced user was nothing more than a titanic target that was nearly impossible to miss.

Hidan's body had reformed, no, rather, it had mutated into something that vaguely resembled his own Presence. His body was lank and bony, his eyes were hollow. His body was shrouded in an unidentifiable substance resembling a cloak. And yet his entire image seemed to flicker in and out of reality just like Naruto, just with less frequently.

It was as if he had attempted to use Law himself, but failed halfway.

Naruto would have replied, but he was too busy howling. Or was that the wind itself making the noise in his stead? It was hard to tell the difference.

The sight of "Naruto Uzumaki" was gradually fading away.

Ghost actually looked slightly worried for a moment.

That is, until a beam of black raw power the size of a ten story building blasted through the battlefield and obliterated Hidan's new twisted image.

"Naruto!" Kushina shouted above the winds, her voice enhanced by demonic chakra as Kurama finally arrived with almost as much force and authority as the storm around it. "Are you all right?! Don't you dare fall apart on me now you brat! I still gotta kick your ass when this is over!"

"Kurama!" Minato shouted, clearly giving him the clear to do something specific right away.

"Right!" The fox wasted no time as it skidded to a stop, spiking its Presence and extending its already absurdly long tails into the clouds themselves where they seemed to meld into the formations seamlessly. "Wake up you idiot! You were not this weak when we fought, and you are not going to die before we do it again!"

The Arbiter demanded the Lord's attention. It ordered cooperation. It expected compliance.

It desired the Lord to be in one piece.

"Ngh." Naruto's image momentarily stabilized, his face relaxing slightly as it flickered in and out of view. "Shut ù̴͙̝̤̪̠̃̋̂́͋̔̓͘p̷̞̫͈̋̑̋ͅ. My head's a̴̧̪̾͊̋̂̓̍͋̈̋̉̆̕b̶̫̯̐̀̓̃͂ǒ̸̺͎̜̠̣̞̽̔̄̾͑͑̈́͌͗̏͘͝͝ú̴̧̧̮̪̼̦̝̙͓̈̆̅͑͛́̽͘ͅt̶̢̡̧̥̖̤̥͔̤̦̼̗̻̅̍͆͊͊̓̆͑̂͝ͅ ̶̨̢̩̫͕̥͛͆̄ͅṫ̵̖̟̃̽̾͋̎̉͛̾̑̕o̶͎̠̎̽̇̾͗̾̏͠͝ ̶̧͇̦̈́͜s̷̯̥̳͎͇̝̬͔̤̙̘̻͔͎̎̑͂͆̈́́̀̋͑̚͜͠p̶̢̢̰̮̩̞͍̙̠͎͓͖͛l̶̻̱͈̻͖̱͉̪͕̗̬̄̉̽͆̎͑̓̊͗̆̐͝͝į̶̪̄̓̏̊́̾̈́̏́͌͋͌͗̕t̶̡̠̟̪̲̮̤̻̝̣̱̾̊̓ ̸̡̜̗̙̖̱͙̩̞͚̙̯̭̬̺͌̑á̷̱̘̭͆̅͠s̷̞̀ ̷͙̺̹̲̺́̇̾̒̒͝͠i̶̢̡͕̟̫̤͇͕͓̟̗͉͌̑̎́͆̕ͅţ̸͈͍͍̰͓͉̪̟̪̳̈́ͅ ̴̧̨̛̪̦̬̳͓̣͈͉̯͍̱̞͒̈́̆̍͊͐̾͗͋͜ḭ̵͇̾̾̌̇̏̏̋͗͆̚s̴̜̭̾́̓̾́̽͌̈̂͊͝.̵̻͔̺̽̔̎̋͛͆͑̿̆̿̐̊̈́̀͘"

Holy hell did that last blast of agony pack a punch. It wasn't a single burst of pain either like the other times he had been hit. This one had been a genuine constant feed of non-stop wounds and trauma that genuinely made him black out. Again. If it weren't for the fact that he technically didn't have a body at the moment, he was pretty sure that he would have been torn to pieces from the ordeal.

The fox opened its mouth to say something when something caught its attention in the distance. "Quit your bitching and focus. You can feel it, can't you? The toad sage and the rest of the other meatbags finally got rid of the seal. The bastard's running on dry."

"Y̶̘̝̲̐̍̉͋̀̔̈́̏̃̀͛̇͂̈̽e̶̢̛͈̲̫̞̹͚̝̥̯̥̠͙͆̔̒̏̔̉̑̉ͅa̸̫̬̼͓͓͓͂͑ͅh̷̛̺̗͓̥̫̑͂͂̂͆̀̈,̵̥͎̺̬͔̰͓̹̻̳̦͗̄́̀͆̽̎̌͋̀͛́̾̽͜ ̷̧̝͉͖̘̺͚̀͊͋̊̂̂͘͝I̸̯̭̣̟͈͌͒̎̋.̵̪͕̭̟̬̠̹̓̓́̈́̑̄̈́̈̃̌͘.̵̢̳̳̼̤͎̹̒̂̒̓̍͗͊̕ͅ.̵̢̪͓̰̭̣͍̝̟̹̮͛" Naruto started, only to trail off, as if his mind was drifting somewhere else.

"Shit. Naruto? Naruto! Don't lose control now! You're almost done! Just a little bit more!" Minato shouted into the sky, his expression clearly panicked. Clearly Hidan's attack from earlier did far more damage than they had assumed. Naruto wasn't going to last much longer at this rate. If they didn't end things soon, then regardless of who won, Naruto wasn't going to be able to return to normal.

"Haaah." A new voice joined the conversation, grabbing all of their attention. A languished sigh, as if let down with what it was seeing.

All eyes turned to Ghost.

"Come on kid. Don't tell me you're giving up after just that much?" The immortal looked almost genuinely disappointed. "After all this bullshit. After everything I put you through. Now you decide to forget the Family's second motto?"

Naruto's image stilled, as if suddenly jolted awake from a minor shock.

… Ah.

That's right.

The second motto. Those assholes did have two of those things, didn't they?

The first was "Everything We Are". A reminder to never forget all the crap that made you who you were. The good and the bad. To not deny any of it. It was both empowering, and to enforce humility. To keep the user grounded. To remind them of everything that they had gone through, and not try to paint some fake veneer over any part to make them feel better.

It was what kept people as absurdly over powered as the Oogakari from losing themselves to their own hubris. It was what made them purposefully remember and enshrine all the mistakes they made, so they would never come close to repeating them.

The second motto though…

A dry smile made its way onto Naruto's lips.

Was far more vindictive and in line with their twisted sense of humor.

No.

It was the main driving force behind their cruel humor. Their ambient and blunt observations. Their careless disregard for other's opinions. Their childish approach to everything.

After all, everything to them was "A Bad Joke."

Their lives were bad jokes.

Their goals were bad jokes.

Their powers were bad jokes.

Their enemies were bad jokes.

Their opinions were bad jokes.

Their suffering were bad jokes.

Their motivations were bad jokes.

The worlds around them were bad jokes.

The societies they encountered were bad jokes.

The people around them were bad jokes.

The stories they made and joined in, were bad jokes.

The Gods themselves were bad jokes.

The depression and failure they experienced whenever they tried to rectify this, were bad jokes.

Everything was just one big, colossal, unrepentant, never ending, pointless, bad joke.

Poor taste. Poor execution. Poor timing. Poor presentation. There was nothing redeemable about any of it. It was as if some idiot tried to write a half assed story about their lives and didn't give two shits about the repercussions their actions would have on the characters' well beings.

It would not stop if they were happy.

It would not stop if they were sad.

If they screamed. If they begged. If they prepared. If they gave up. If they died.

It would never end.

So. On the occasions where it became too much. Where it was just one terrible joke after another, after another, after another, in a never ending omnibus of pure shit that threatened to smother him to the point of drowning in insanity… there was only one suitable thing to do.

"Ḥ̸̤͋̀́̔͛̇̔͌̆̀̒̐͛̌́a̷̱̣̜͍̜̞̮̒́̃.̸̨̰͕̯͚̪̜̙̟̯̺̭̱̌͛̕ ̵͖͔̩͚̻͓̤̫́̑͆̏̏̎͂̉̅͠Ḩ̵̬͇̆̄̑̓̃̒͛̊̀͠͝a̵̯͚̼̗̞̦̩̠̳͍̖̮̮̓̓̔̃̚ḩ̷̞̼̜̟͈̹̰̦͖̹͈̳̎͆̊͒̃̓͗͌̿͌͒͘͝ạ̶̩̪̩̩̪͂̐̏͑͆̚̕͝h̷͈̰͇̻͍̖͛̋̉̊̀͂̀̉͌̽͝͝͝ä̶̧̨̨̺̦̩̯́͑͊̉̏̀̈́͂̊̌͝.̷̧̫͚͍̮̳̺͍̾͜ͅ.̸̱̬͇̳͍͌͑͛́̈̉̈́͑̀.̶̨̫͓͓̬̤̪̗̐́̓̊͂̄̈̍̇̓̿͘͝͠͠"

Laugh.

"H̴̨̛̛͙͍͖͕̩̝̪̘̗͚͑̂̈́͐̂̔̋̕͝͠à̴̢̢̒͊́̈h̸̨̢̦̱̺̤̰̊̅̃͆́͠a̷̡̛̖̹͔͙̰͐̑̆̇̅͑ͅḧ̷̥̤̲̹̲̞͔́͛̌͜ą̸͚̹̮̱̟̞̼̥̈́͒̐͌͗̀̕ḩ̶̘̺̦̩̟̱̳̱̖̳͓̞͍͂̃̀͑͛a̶̦̬̮͑̃͑͐̋̄͋̿̃̌h̸̺͙̘̔̓̾̎̒̒á̷̡͇̖̫̺̲̠̤͊̓h̵̥̦̘̻̗͚̺͓̮̳͛̂͑̍̓͘͘a̴̢̧̧̡̮̺̥̯̪̘̘̜͙̩̲͋ḥ̷̛̩̼͉̹̿̆͜͝a̷̢͈̋̉̋͋̎͋̋̓͛͘͝.̸̨̢̻͓̮̣̼̤̺̞͔̭͖͔͐̎̓̇͂̈̌̑̈́̔͊͊̊̇͝"

Laugh at the stupidity of the world. At the people involved. At how absurd it all is.

Laugh, and do the one thing that would ever turn things in your favor.

Lightning began to crack across the sky in greater frequency than ever. The winds howled with a savage mirth that held no joy. Titanic columns of air pummeled the ground repeatedly, generating earthquakes with each impact.

"Ä̶̧͚͍̬̘͖̺̘̗̫̞́̈̀́͒̓͝H̸̛̺ͅA̸̬͆͒̓̊̚͝H̵̨̼͚̱̣̫͌̋̾͜ͅA̵͙̤̋́̀̊͗͒̎́̓̾̈́Ḧ̷͈͍̙̎̚͠A̸̛̮͇͈̥͎͋̔͂͗̆̾̽͘͝͝H̶̯̮̺̗̣̯̲̀̍̃̒̃̑A̸̮͔̻̪͍̻̐͆́͛͂̿̎̂̓̎̂͜͠Ḣ̸͙̩͙̣̥̞̂͛̉͊͆̀́͛͆A̶̲͗̎́̓̓̈̉̈́̐̃̌̚͝H̷̛̲͚̩͖̪̼̆̑̃̃̿̋̍̑̈́̔͆̀͘Ḁ̴̣̪̱̥͖̦̪̭̿̾͐̍̽̾͝͝Ĥ̶̞͚́A̴̬̹͙͚͓̯̺̪͇͍̲̭̳͌̏̍͛̅̏̽͑́͠H̵̢̭̱̭̹̤̺̥̪̥́̚͜Ă̵̧̡̺̝͈̈́Ḩ̵̡̧̮̗̣̻̲̲͈̼̂̀͗̈́̈̎̾̎̏͊͛͆͘͠͠ͅA̶̧̤̬̭̤͖̦̹̜̦͍͇̥̐̍̈̀̐͗̄̚͝H̴̥̼̻̉͑̏̄̏͆̾͂͘̚͘A̸̘̘̞̤̥̤̰͙̜̦̪͗̏̀́͊̓̃̃̍̑̿̓̒́̕ͅ!̸̖̩̜͔̰̗̭͈͂̐͜!̸̡͔̭̤̼͇̲̺̼̞̾̆!̴̟̲̗̟̏̓̊́̑̓̏̚!̷̹̙̘̖͎͇͚̬͆̆͌̏̃̈͋́̐̚̚̕̚͠"

Laugh. And become the worst fucking joke of them all.

The Lord of The Chaotic Heavens bellowed, its twisted smile stretching from horizon to horizon, its endless teeth that littered the clouds bore down on the earth.

Take it all as your own, because there is nothing worse than you. Steer the world as you see fit, because there is no absurd idea out there that is more insane and gravitating than your own.

No pain was too great. No rule sacrosanct. No plan so completely absurd and selfish would in that moment ever be able to trump the selfish madness that was The Lord of the Chaotic Heavens.

At that moment, none could contest, that the Lord's will, was Absolute.

And in that moment of pure chaos and insanity… the world would never make more sense.

The winds stopped.

The lightning was gone.

There was not a single cloud in the sky.

They were in the center of the storm. Where all was calm and peaceful.

And up above, a colossal chakra flower blocked out the heavens.

The Abandoned Reaper looked up at the regalia. Its body freshly remade. Its existence flowing with the agony of an entire human city at war.

"You forget yourself, Lord! This battle. This madness. You dare tread within my realm and claim to be my better?!"

"N̶̯̳̥̥̥͚͕̬͖̼̫̎̈̔̂ơ̵̢̙͕̘͓͚̪̞̜̖̹̈́̈́̉͗̋̆̑̋̄̚͘.̴̨̭̞̩̦̟̞̲̭͓̊̽͊ͅ" A voice whispered from every direction at once, the madness that had been present in his voice surprisingly all gone all at once. "N̴̢̻̰̗̝͈̠͚̉̈́͆ö̷̡͓̰̖͉̘͍́̈́t̴̨̪̼̦̯̠͖̖̓̿̿̿͋̿̑̊̀͐̀͆͘͘͝ͅ ̴̫̌̃͒̀̅͘͝͝y̵̢̢̦̻̦͉̞̫̝̥̦͈̭̎̓̈́̍́̍̋ͅǫ̷̘̤̫̗̘̲̝̩̥̓̈u̸͇͇̹̯̞̩͇͗̿͗̀̑͊̿̋͌͊ͅͅr̷̡̥̪̪̣̙̟̬̺͈̎̔̓̓̈́̾͘ ̶͍̹̘̬̘̝̰̊̂͆b̶̨̬̳͎͕͚̫͐͊̀͗̆̎̊̋̕͝ͅe̸͙̫͈̙̪͉̣͍̙͙̺͕̳͆ṯ̸̡̧͎̞̝̟͎͗͛̎̆͐́̈́̏̿t̸̡͓̋̽̈́͑͊̍͝ę̸̧̼͇͖̣̥̲̤̰͉̫̙́̒͊̎̑̀̕r̶̜͕̱̥̝̠̦̲̐͒̀͂̀.̶̛͍̻̳̅̏͒̽͒̚"

Hidan's twisted figure roared to the skies, as if he was ironically the one trying to defy the will of the divine, and not the other way around. Corrupted and twisted power welling up inside him, about to burst out and pervert the world once more.

"J̴̡̭̲̆̿̏̈́͐̇̏̐͜͝ư̵͕̿̈́̐̔̽͂͗͂̒s̴͉͋͂͛̑̈̉̅̍͛̒͝ẗ̴̬͎̬̮̗͕̮̻́̇̅̏̾̋̇̾̓́̎̿̓̕͜ ̸̛̭̠͓͖̰̗̹͒̅̾̈̅̾̋̂͠y̸̟̙̦̠̯͒́͂ò̶͇͕͇̙̮̟̎͆͐͋͂̍̇̆́͑̾͠͠ͅṳ̷̥̺̲̰̰̬̄̔͋́̽̽͘̚͜͝͝͝͠r̵̭̼̘̱̱̩͕̣͍̒̔͆̂̆̎̅̆̎̚ ̵̩̘̩͑́͒̓̐͂̕Ģ̸̛͓͓̹̳̮̝̥͕̳͓̖͓̦̝̌͑͋͆̚͠o̶̹̠̰̥̙̗͕̭̻͉̥̼̺͔͆̓̊͆̇͗̏͑d̶̨̢͓̲̝͇̬̫̦̖̗̠̝͌̔̉͜͝͝ͅ.̴͚̗͌͜"

If someone listened carefully enough, they'd be able to hear Shadow burst out laughing hysterically in the distance and praising just how big his balls had gotten.

"N̸̡͇̱͕͚̭̮͔̮̞̠͗̍̐́̄͠o̶͌̅̏̄̽ͅw̴̢̢̠͔̤̫̖͉͉͍̯͙͓͔͑͂̕͜.̷̥̘̂́͌͊̅̕͝ͅ ̴̡̧̧̣͚͕̘̭̐̄͆̍̐̽̔̈́̚̚͝B̷̨͕̺̮̦̙̗̣̗̟̄̒̏͐̂̆̐̽̿̍̓̆o̸̠͈͈̤̯̱̯͍͛͜͜w̷̯̺̮̥͒͆̓.̸̧͈̣̙̜̫͙̝̠̘̞̫̫̂̎͜"

Again, Hidan erupted with the manifestation of all the twisted energies that he had accumulated from Iwagakure. Just brushing the substance was enough to literally kill anything below a Jonin, and permanently cripple anyone on the lesser end of the Kage spectrum. But regardless of this knowledge, Kurama, Minato, Kushina, and if one looked carefully enough, even Naruto did not falter in the slightest.

L̶̢̧̢̛͉̲͍̜̜̺͔̱̺̦̦̅́͐̉͊̍̈́͆͊͌̅̕ͅe̷̛̛̤̬͓͔̜̣̮̙̥̞̖͒̅͂̽̋̀̈́͝v̵̦̞̞͌͒ḙ̵̖̠̞̮̖̆l̷̡̨̡͍̰͓̫̞̝̞͔̤̬̿͊͜ ̶̡̧̫̱̼̬̖̖̖̯̊̎͜T̷͚̩͉̞̪̺̩͇̮̻̥̹̗̦̫̾́͂̈́̀̇̽̈́̇͘͝w̴̨̛̛͓̪̯͙͔̗̯̩̙̣̼̠̽̈́͌̈̈́́̿̄̄̕͠ỏ̸̱̩̮͔̼̪̟̥̻.̷̝͓̭̱̣͖̗̩̯̫͎̓̌̀͋͘͜

Just before the miasma pervaded the sky and everything around, the world around him erupted into an uncountable number of fissures.

The Reaper stood in the storm. In the shifting winds. In the-

"?!"

W̸̨̪͙̩̠̮̳͔̼̺͕̱͉̱̅̍̃̽̄͌͐̑̏̑̆̏͘͝a̸̝̯̟̥̞͉͖͎̖͑̐͋͌̄̎̐r̶̡̛͌̿ ̴̺̭͉̳̬̟͍́͐̅̇̊͘͝S̵͈̭͈̠̝̱̦̳̩͗ͅc̸͉̀̆̇͋͌̃̕͠ą̷̢̗͔͙̪͕̜̿̀̓̅̑͋̅͛̋̾͜r̵̺̼̤̗͈̮͕̻̒̓̐̂̉̀̈́̉̑̐́͝ͅş̸̳̘̙͎̝͍̠̦͉͕̐̈̅̒̕͜.̷̡̛͔̦͕̦͇̞̱̀͌̓̉̕͜ͅ

What was torn apart was not the sky, the folds between the air, the miasma itself, or even the enemy.

Even the Reaper cannot remain between the rifts of reality.

What was disturbed was Space itself. Not enough to make gaps into other realms, but enough for countless minor disturbances to rip apart everything between them. Jetstreams of otherworldy pressure and matter shot from one hairline fracture to the next, creating blades of incomprehensible quality and power that tore through not only the physical world, but any powers and authority as well.

From the viewer's perspective though, while most could not be able to even fathom just how absurd the nature of the attack was, they were still dumbstruck by simply the scale of the attack.

As the camera zoomed outward, the fissures seemed to go on without end, and without equal.

Beyond the craters.

Beyond the battlefield.

Beyond the giant flower in the sky.

Beyond Iwagakure.

Beyond the mountains.

Beyond sight.

The only reason why Naruto's allies and Iwagakure was spared was because Naruto willed it. The countless vacuums and blades skirting around the non-targets like sentient jet streams.

If it wasn't something in Naruto's good books, it was utterly obliterated.

Hidan couldn't react before he was torn apart into countless meaty chunks that were flattened an instant later. No, even if he could react, there was no conventional defense against such an absurd omnidirectional onslaught like this. It was too fast to dodge. Too overwhelming to tank.

A short distance away, sitting on an upturned stone as if he had always been there, Ghost lifted a curious eyebrow, not at all bothered that one of his arms was lopped off. It wasn't the one that was holding his beer, so he didn't mind. Beer was important.

How interesting.

He had indeed taught Naruto War Scars… but he had never shown or mentioned what the original version was like.

Or its original intended purpose, rending apart the authority and established domain of the Gods… or whatever Divine user was around at the time.

The move was called War Scars after all. Genuine marks of war were the most significant, most prevalent not on a single body, or at the scene of a massacre, but on an entire location. Swaths of land, cities, and forests. Places where one could take one look and know without a doubt, they were not looking at the location of a battle, but of a malicious and merciless war.

It was a pale imitation, but unmistakable regardless.

Everyone's attention suddenly focused to where Kurama was. Or rather, the unstable, flickering image of Naruto standing in front of the titanic fox, lifting its hand up to the sky as if giving a command.

On cue, the Spiraling Lotus began to spin, far faster than at any other point prior. Fast enough to actually change the eldritch harmony it had been passively giving off since it had appeared.

The winds in the area were kneaded into one another countlessly and endlessly at increasing speeds. The weight of the chakra in the air became so suffocating that once could actually see it without aid, flickering in and out of sight like speeding specks of grain…

… or very tiny needles.

Either way, judging from the way Hidan was yelling, or from the way his skin was perpetually being peeled off his body, it wasn't a very pleasant experience.

He could not lift a finger without losing it. Could not breathe without tearing apart his lungs. Could not emit power without having it torn and washed away.

Abandoned and alone, the Reaper stood helpless beneath the wrath of the Lord's Judgment.

Just a little bit more, if he had pushed just a bit more, he would have been able to tear apart Naruto Uzumaki's psyche, but that damn Fox had to get in at the last moment and give the brat the second wind he needed to turn things around.

… No. It wasn't the fox responsible for the surge of mental oppression.

"You. Interfered." With a twisted crack of his neck, Hidan glared at Ghost maliciously.

"Interfering infers that I did something that interrupted or added something to this mess. I merely reminded the idiot of something he already knew. Minor outside commentary, at best." The immortal brushed him off as if it was someone else's problem, before smiling in a way that was almost coy. The fact that his voice somehow carried over such a distance in that chaos didn't seem to perplex him in the slightest. "I'd be far more pissed off at someone else if I were you."

"What are you talking about?!" Even as they spoke, the ground around Hidan began to break apart violently into titanic slabs and rise into the sky.

"You mean you haven't noticed yet?" With each passing second, Ghost's smile grew increasingly sadistic and amused.

"Tell me, little puppet. Who are you?"

The seemingly random question caught Hidan flatfooted if his expression was any indication. "Who am I? What are you blathering about this time? I am-?!"

He was the man that channeled a God.

"I am-"

He was the Acolyte that was torn from the source.

"I… I am-"

He was a vessel that rampaged to its hearts content, torturing a major village, spreading and accumulating pain and empathy as he went in order to take the world for (Empathy) itself.

Except…

"… I'm…"

"Not Empathy." Ghost's smile was full blown malicious now, absolutely soaking in Hidan's unparalleled distress. "Not anymore."

The agony it channeled. The pain it reveled in. The malice it commanded. It was still a being beyond basic human understanding, but it was no longer what it once was.

Conceptual destabilization and degeneration. A very uncommon event that primarily occurs in spiritual entities, and even more uncommonly in Gods. Normally it was next to impossible to invoke it in something as grandiose and absolute as the Divine…

However, if the target was a mere isolated fragment that was already unstable to begin with… and place it in a position where it would be under further duress while preventing it from destabilizing itself with it's original…

The Abandoned Reaper howled, its features becoming more apparent through its black cloak, revealing its inhuman skin and face.

A Demon. A castoff of the divine. A bottom feeder of negative energies that are produced by other entities and forces. Not a representative of one of the rules of reality, but a leech of its malcontent.

Strong in several respects… but a Demon is no God.

There was a reason why Demons and Gods went hand in hand. Where one existed, so did the other. That was because the pair were essentially the same species, however with one major difference. Demons possessed an inherent flaw that Gods did not, a dependence to their element, their nature.

Gods were by definition flawless representations of their element. Accumulations of such high pedigree that from a lesser standpoint, it wouldn't be wrong to call them generators or sources of their focus. Rather, they were their respective natures, plus a personality. Not the other way around.

Demons, on the other hand, had overdeveloped their personality to the point that it caused an imbalance. Their element was no longer the dominant factor of their existence anymore. As a result, they required extra substance in order to maintain stability. Be it power, souls, worshippers, or more of the substance that made them what they were. The bottom line was that they needed more, or else they would progressively degenerate as time went on. In theory, it did mean that Demons could become stronger than Gods if supplied with enough resources, but such vast repositories rarely ever lasted long, which is why they had such a pitiful reputation.

"You! You knew! You did this to me!"

"Nope. My hands are clean." Ghost lamely brushed his hands together and lifted them up to show the world his innocence. "Demonic transformations, accelerated intrinsic conceptual adaptation, that's not my thing. You know that."

It wasn't Ghost's thing, but…

The one that Empathy had encountered first.

The one that had severed it from its main body.

The one that had imposed a curse on it that would ensure that it would stay in physical form and would eventually encounter a stressful fight that would lead to this very conclusion.

The one that it had pissed off with its careless words.

The crimson collar around the Reaper's neck glowed maliciously.

"… Since back then, this was planned?" Hidan was stumped, as though all the energy was drained from his body. He didn't even bother to try and put up a fight against the overwhelming sucking power and raging winds that was enveloping him.

Ghost's smile vanished, his expression ominously blank. There was nothing else to say. That needed to be said.

The world around the pair broke apart, as if the earth had finally decided to give up maintaining its form.

"You… trash mistake of the Sky Mother!" With the last of his strength, Hidan hurled his spike, loaded with Presence and chakra at the lazy immortal. Time and space seemed to bend and contort around the simple tool as it teleported to its target, obliterating everything in its path as if it was thin air.

Until it met with one of Ghost's outstretched fingers, tipped with a single pitch black spark. The following instant, the sharp rod stopped immediately, void of any form of energy, power or Presence in the slightest.

No explosion. No blood. No screams. No shockwaves. Nothing.

Judging from the immortal's unchanging expression, the attack didn't even amount enough to annoy him.

"I told you before. The second would be an invitation." He stated ominously as the spear slowly began to disintegrate and turn to ash in place. "But, even I don't bother wasting my time on the inevitable."

"Geh." Hidan took a step back. He didn't even bother to try to hide his shaking now. Whether it was from pure fury or pure rage was anyone's guess.

He probably would have said something else, but at that moment, the world around him buckled and gave way to Naruto's will, as if waiting for Ghost to have his final say before the final punishment was invoked.

With the Lotus' power enhanced and Hidan cut off from his own resources, it took nowhere near as much time for the Acolyte to be ripped from the ground and reach the violent vacuum hole in the sky. The overwhelming pressure around him wrapped around his body like an invisible and indestructible blanket that was impossible to get rid of.

"No. No no no! I'm not going to be disregarded so easily!" Hidan reached back with his free arm, readying his scythe to do, something…

"Ȳ̴̧̝̦̞̯͈͗̕ë̵̥̫̼̘͗́̽͊s̵̘̖͔͚̄̀̌̋̈́̀̾͗̕͝͝͠.̸̖͔͚̝͍̓̔̐͐̽̀͒̕͝ ̷̯̱̦̩̟͓͎̠̬̩͉̈́̏̊̌̓̿̐̉̋͌̕̚͝͝͝ͅY̸̡̭̠̥̣̟̤̯̲̑̐ͅͅo̶̡̘̙̯̝͑̅̀̋͊͆̔̊̉͝͝û̷̢̧̡̡͍̖̝̺͈̺͒̄̑̿̀̅͒̄͒ ̷̙͔͔̝͒̉̈́̂á̵͙͈̠̩̬͉͍̺͂͛̽̄͆̿̒͒̿̉̓͂͑͜r̸̨̧̬̙̮̪̬͈̳̯̤̹͎̿͊̆̋̕̚e̴̢̠̜̻̳͇̊͒̀̚͜.̵̡̰̗̳̹̪̹̾̈́͆̔̍͒͐̍̎̉̾͠"

Except before he could do anything else, his body was instantly torn apart into meaty chunks, and a blast of wind sent him flying straight up into the hole in the sky.

No flash. No wave of power. No special technique.

He was just ripped from the earth into the Heavens above, cut into countless pieces, and unable to utter even a whimper of resistance.

He couldn't even regenerate in time to scream before he disappeared. It was almost anticlimactic if it weren't for how absurd the Lotus was in the first place.

o. o. o.

All around the world, countless people held their breath in anticipation. For verification that their hopes were recognized.

"… Is it…?"

"NO! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!" A familiar immortal female voice of rage roared within the vicinity of the voice. "EVERYONE NEAR THAT RETARD, PIN HIM DOWN AND GAG THE SHIT OUT OF HIM SO HE DOESN'T FUCK EVERYTHING UP!"

Against common sense, or maybe, because of it, several people complied with her demands.

o. o. o.

"Ghost." Kurama towered over the immortal as he closed the distance significantly with a single step, already disregarding the fact that the overwhelming power of the chakra construct in the sky was already dying down. "He's not coming back this time, is he? We can't afford another surprise reappearance."

"Beats me. That seal in Iwa's negated, but who knows if that annoying fuckup managed to set anything else up." Ghost shrugged, putting his glasses back on, hiding his eyes from the world, stepping to the side as a boulder threated to crush him as if fell back to earth. "Best case scenario is what the kid planned from the start. Ditch the freak up there until Lee's group can handle him."

He seemingly ignored the irritated looks that the Fox and the two human spirits on its head were giving him.

"… But, if you must know, I'd say that the odds of him coming back for round whatever are pretty low." He sighed.

"And why's that?" Kushina asked.

o. o. o.

Hidan hissed in pain and frustration as his body finally managed to reconstruct itself in orbit. The lack of oxygen and the damage he had sustained were going to be a pain to deal with already, but the wound to his pride would take millennia to surmount.

His seal was dismantled. His resources were next to non-existant. As a demon, the range of his abilities were further crippled. The only thing he could hope to try to do no was…

"Grrrrrr."

What was that?

Hidan turned around slowly, confused and wary of what else could be up in the upper stratosphere with him… and paled.

Floating up higher and higher, was Crypt Oogakari, lifelessly lifted by a snot bubble balloon and growling like a mad dog, completely oblivious to the world around him.

Pop.

The bubble popped.

Crypt woke up.

"Cluck."

Crypt was a chicken.

"Doom."

All Hidan knew from that point on was pain.

Funny thing about Empathy. One needed to share emotions and feelings in order for it to be genuine empathy.

Suffering and experiencing things by oneself… there was no empathy in that.

o. o. o.

"Long term Godly shenanigans." Ghost waved away her skepticism.

"The sad thing is that he's probably being completely honest." Minato sighed in resignation.

"Of course. It's always funnier when it's true. Except magic cancer. That shit's impossible to deal with."

"No it isn't!"

"How is magic cancer funny, you sick deranged woman? It's magic cancer! You're mixing the bullshit of everything cancer, and then jacking it up with the bullshit ambiguity of magic! It's literally the Crypt of obscure medical afflictions that won't go fucking away!"

Then again, it wasn't as if his family wasn't above using magic cancer for their own personal reasons, or as ultimatums. Fuck knows how many times Issei used it to cow people that pissed him off… then there was that one prick… magical testicular cancer. Not a pretty way to go.

And people said that there would never be a situation where tentacles could scare men more than women. Shows what they knew.

"Ghost? Ghost! Focus!"

"There was nothing sensual or arousing about that death hold in the slightest!"

A non-sensual and non-arousing length of chains snapped out and started to choke the immortal. "Don't you dare start acting out on us now you jackass!"

"Gurk." He apologized politely.

"Kushina, as much as he probably deserves another maiming, now isn't the time." Minato chided his wife.

"And why's that?" She shot him a glare

"That." Ghost gasped up to the sky with a dead even expression.

"That", being the fact that Naruto's image was quickly fading from view, and the black storm clouds above were accumulating faster than ever.

Naruto was losing control. If something wasn't done soon, there wouldn't be a Naruto anymore. Just the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens, and the madness that existed in its wake.

"Oh no." The mother paled, immediately letting go of the immortal. "Naruto? Naruto! Damn it! Don't you dare fade away just as you won!"

As if on command, Minato, Kushina, and Kurama all flared out their Presence and tried to grab hold of the fading image of the blonde teen in the sky.

"Oogakari! Stop being an ass and help out already!" The fox snarled angrily at the one person there that wasn't doing anything.

"Can't. I'd do more damage than good right now." Ghost shrugged helplessly, though he didn't seem too concerned. "I'm too strong, not a local, and the area's messed up as it is from Law. If I tried anything, I'd risk literally tearing apart the kid. Look, you can already see the results of all the bullshit that's taken place recently rebounding on the landscape."

The biju turned to see what Ghost was pointing out, and paused as he witnessed what appeared to be a literal tear in space and reality scarring one of the mountainsides of the range that hadn't been completely obliterated in the fighting. A kaleidoscope of colors that didn't exist scarred the beast's eyes as the gap slowly grew wider with each passing second.

"What… on earth is that?" Kushina paled as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing.

"That, is why I keep on telling everyone I can't get involved in the big fighting here. Too many heavy hitters tends to destabilize and tear apart the local timespace. More so if said heavy hitters aren't from the area." Ghost sighed, scratching his head in frustration. "Of course, they can also take place if things get messy enough in general. Like say, someone uses Law in a spot that I might have gone a tad bit overboard a week ago."

"What happens if you leave them alone for too long?" The redhead asked what was on pretty much everyone's minds.

The immortal shrugged. "Think of it like an open wound. One of two results usually takes place. Either it heals up on its own, eventually, like, over the course of a century at least, or the whole thing gets infested, bigger, and starts spilling out all sorts of nasty shit all over the place. It's not pretty."

You know, you'd think that people would give him the benefit of the doubt and figure out that if he isn't doing something obviously important, there'd be a reason for it, but time and time again, nope. No dice.

And people wondered why he kept on treating everyone else like simple children all the damn time.

With a casual gesture to brush the dust off his coat, Ghost began walking towards the temporal anomaly, ignoring everything else there.

"What are you doing?" Minato asked.

"My job. Unless you scrubs can fix that mess within the next few minutes, I'd recommend that you stick to trying to get the minion back to normal." The immortal leaned back, topping off the last of his beer before spinning it in his hand and making it vanish in thin air. "I've already helped out the idiot as much as I can without making things worse. If he can't recover after that much, then that's as far as he can go."

He turned up to the sky. "Ya hear that dumbass?! If you can't get your shit back in order, you're S.O.L.! I ain't holding your hand this time!"

A bolt of lightning cracked down from the sky and would have impaled the immortal if it hadn't veered off to the side at the last moment.

If anything, it gave the man-child further reason to tweak off the living storm up above via continued yelling and flipping two birds at it. "That's what I thought! Ya got nothing on me ya runt! If you want to try and kick my ass again, do it with actual legs! Oh wait! You don't have any!"

A dozen lightning strikes came down and failed to kill the man this time.

"Stop pissing off my disembodied force of nature son you idiot!" Kushina stomped forward and tried to choke Ghost with her bare hands. "It's hard enough to think as it is without lightning coming down three meters from my ears every five seconds!"

"Gurk. Mprgh." Ghost failed magnificently to argue his case due to crushed windpipe.

"And you!" She turned her attention to the sky, where, somehow, the clouds flinched almost immediately. "If you still have enough self-awareness to get pissed off at this waste of space, you have enough to get off your ass and get back to normal! So get back to normal!"

"… Oi." Kurama muttered to Minato from the sidelines as they watched the clouds and storm up above begin to move in a peculiar pattern.

"I see it." The former Kage sweatdropped and smiled nervously. "Don't complain. It actually looks like it's working."

"Part of me genuinely wished that it didn't."

"Is now really the time to worry about such things?"

"Considering recent past events, my pride won't allow me to say otherwise." The pair sighed in self defeat as they watched Kushina lambast both Ghost and Naruto without shame from a safe distance, before the fox noticed something. "… Hm?"

"What's wrong?" Minato looked up at the sky in confusion. It didn't take him more than a few seconds to see what had caught the fox's attention. "… This is."

Kurama frowned, whipping its tails about with a majestic flair before reaching up to the sky and seeming latching onto the clouds. "Oi. Kushina. Ignore the idiot and focus on our idiot. It looks like he really does need help turning back."

"One second!" At some point, she had wrapped one of her chains around Ghost's neck and was spinning him around like a meteor hammer. With a last second burst of strength, she flung her victim to the general direction of the giant spatial rifts in the mountainside. The subsequent explosion was rather impressive, but compared to what had just taken place, was depressingly lackluster.

"… You manage to catch how he exploded this time?"

"I think Kushina tagged him with a few bombs before cutting him loose."

"Makes sense."

"You two!" Kushina stomped up to the pair with rage in her eyes and her hair flaring up to resemble nine tails. "Naruto! Help! Now!"

Knowing better than to argue with the very angry woman, the two males nodded and joined efforts.

The Arbiter that judges the world…

The Crimson Whirlpool that pulls all in its reach…

The Unstoppable bolt of Lightning that precedes the light…

All three reached out to the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens. To Naruto Uzumaki. There was no need for the storm now. There were still tasks that had yet to be addressed.

Tails, lightning, and chains shot up into the sky and wrapped around a seemingly intangible body, which in turn was slowly being dragged down to the ground.

"N̷͚̗̝͇͆͒̌̄̽͂̅̀̇̀̐̃̀͛͘g̶̡̛̫̲̣͉̝͖̻̬̜̠̮̩̑͆̈́̾́͛̂̃̌́͒̽͜͝ḩ̶͓͈̦͓̰͇̰̻͇͇̮̣͉͐.̵̧͕̘̘͚̟̭̺͉̮͉̦̲͍̇͗̆́̃̽̿͐̉͛̔̅͝͝"

Naruto's image was flickering in and out of sight in their hold, but it was clear that he had seen better days. Half of his image was no longer "his", but an accumulation of turbulent black clouds and impossibly high winds in the shape of his original body. It was almost as if his body was falling apart right in front of their eyes.

His one visible human eye was halfway clouded over and unfocused, exemplifying just how little consciousness there was left in him.

It wasn't hard to put the pieces together. If Naruto passed out now, he wasn't coming back.

"Shit. He's further out of it than we thought." Kurama snarled in frustration."Oi! Worthless meatbags! Now's the time to stop being worthless!"

o. o. o.

"Oi. Scab. You can drop the filter." Shadow munched on some popcorn, seemingly ignoring the growing chanting of Naruto's name. It was corny as hell, power of heart and all that bullshit, but it was a legitimate means of stabilizing the kid, so she couldn't really rip on it that much. Yet. She'd give him a three day grace period before ripping into him relentlessly like everyone knew she would.

"Aye aye." Unseen by pretty much everyone around the world, the conceptual filter that had been put up to isolate the fighters in Iwa from making any sort of existential connection with the rest of the world was taken down.

It had been useful for preventing Hidan's powers from affecting the audience, but now that he was finally gone, it was simply in the way.

o. o. o.

"Naruto…" Gaara growled in frustration, furious that all he could do to help his friend was be more or less long distance moral support. Never had he seen the blonde in such a state before, and quite honestly, the sight alone sent chills down his spine. "Don't give up now. You're too infuriating and stubborn to let go now."

o. o. o.

"Kid. If you croak, I swear I'm going to kill you." Zabuza gripped his sword tightly, partially as a meaningless threat, and partially to comfort the uneasy feeling he was having. "Fuck Kakashi. Fuck Scabbard. You were the idiot that dragged us into this mess, and you are not going to die before I pay that debt with interest."

"Don't worry Zabuza. Naruto won't die here. He's stronger and more stubborn than you are." Haku tried to placate her father figure, but didn't look as confident as she could be.

"And he's an idiot." The swordsman smiled bitterly. "You can't reason with idiots, and that jackass is no exception. I'm going to be pissed if he changes that habit now of all times."

o. o. o.

"Numbah one is numbah Nine! Numbah one is numbah Nine! Naruto's so fine he took all the screen time! Wheeee!"

"Oh god. Why? His rapping was terrible enough. But his cheering is worse." Yugito held her face in her hands.

"Bee! Bee! Bee! Shut the fuck up Bee!" The Raikage was getting absorbed in his own mantra, which consisted of him shouting his brother's name while smacking his face each time he did so.

Darui was conflicted. On the one hand, he knew just enough about the Oogakari and their activities to know that there actually was a genuine point to all this cheering and yelling at Naruto. On the other hand, he really tried to make it a habit to stay away from the stupid whenever possible. Especially when he knew that Bee was enough to fulfill the role of half a village by himself.

"Wheeee! Numbah Nine! Numbah nine you so fine you sexy! Yeah yeah you sexy!"

Smack! Smack! Smack!

"For fucks sake Bee! I can't tell if I'm helping you or making you worse at this rate! Just shut up already!"

Darui would give it a few more minutes. If it really looked like Naruto wasn't going to make it, he'd join in, in his own, less retarded way.

He owed the kid that much for his sword.

o. o. o.

Lee, surprisingly, was quiet for once. That wasn't to say that he was unaffected by the situation if his grit teeth and clenched fists were any indication, but the normally energetic teen was ominously silent while most of the people next to him were trying to support Naruto through the screen.

"Lee-kun?" Hiruzen looked at the boy confused. "What's wrong?"

His fists tightened even more to the point of drawing blood. "… It's my fault."

"What was that?" Fuu heard the last part of that sentence, but couldn't make sense of it.

"Naruto's condition. It's my fault." Lee grimaced. "That bastard Hidan… if I didn't make that claim in front of Crypt…"

"If you didn't make that claim, then who knows what would have happened." Hiruzen chided. "I doubt even the Oogakari would have been able to predict what would occur whenever Crypt is involved. Unless you can claim otherwise?"

Lee had the decency to look away embarrassed. It took a special sort of person that could proudly assume that they knew how Crypt of all people functioned.

Hiruzen continued. "You saw Hidan. We all did. That monster… he's beyond our reach, for now. But Naruto fought him regardless knowing that. I doubt that he would blame you for what happened. It was a battle with subtleties and intricacies that even I am not familiar with. It was… a brand of fight that none of us were prepared for or expecting. It's not your fault Lee. It's not mine, or Gai's, or even the Oogakari's."

"Lee." Kin rested a hand on his shoulder, comforting him. "Don't let it get to you. You're stronger than this. If you want to make things right, get stronger to kill that fucker. That's the best thing any of us can do for Naruto."

"That… and deal with his nonsense when we get back home." Neji gave them a wry smile, earning him a slew of mixed expressions from his friends. "What? We all know that Naruto's going to play this up as much as he can once things calm down to the point that we wind up forgetting about being worried it and beating him senseless because he hates being put in positions of genuine responsibility. He'd rather annoy us so we'd be motivated to do everything ourselves so we won't bother with him in the first place and wind up getting stronger in the process."

The room was dead silent for several long seconds.

"Son of a bitch you're right." Fuu blinked. "He does it all the time. That bastard."

"You just realized that?" Hiruzen laughed in good humor. "I pieced it together years ago."

"I wish I could claim that I did so on my own." Neji smiled grimly. "It was Hinata that spelled it out for me, during one of my less admirable moments. Can't say that I disagree with her. Naruto… there's a reason why Shikamaru never wants to try and match wits with that guy. He really does function on a different level than the rest of us."

"No kidding." Kin smirked grimly. "But, either way, he still needs our help right now. And I don't know about you guys, but I wouldn't mind holding something over his twisted head for the time being."

Lee couldn't help but laugh at his girlfriend's suggestion, a fire slowly growing in his eyes. "Yes. That does sound like a good idea Kin. Having Naruto in my debt… sounds rather enticing right about now."

o. o. o.

The Single Killing Blow.

The Twisted Contortion.

The Old Monkey.

The Brilliant Wings.

The Blacksmith.

The Twin Fangs.

Genesis.

The Mountain King.

The Smiling Witch.

The Black Deer.

Starlight.

The Travelling Ash covered Monkey.

The Two Eyed Wolf.

The Eyes that Pierce the Truth.

The Sacred Sakura Tree on the Hill.

The Desert.

The Demon Hidden in the Mist.

Cold.

The Twisted Chorus.

The Matriarch.

The Hands of the Nurse.

Dozens of Presences reached across the world to the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens, no, to Naruto Uzumaki. They owed him too much to do nothing now, and they would be damned if they sat back and let him fall apart.

"Naruto!" Jiraiya arrived to see… something happening, with Kurama, Kushina and Minato all latched onto Naruto in one way or another. "What the hell is going on this time?!"

"The idiot's falling apart on us. He used a forbidden technique, even by Ooogakari standards." Kurama snarled, never taking his attention off of the person in question. "Either help or leave Toad Sage. We don't have time to deal with you."

"Son of a bitch! Damn it kid! Can't you do anything without causing a mess?!" Jiraiya grimaced as he ran up to ground Zero.

"Oi!" Kushina snapped.

"Oh can it tadpole! I can count on one flipper the number of human women that fit the category better than you! And one of them is that Oogakari harlot!" Ma snapped. "Do you want our help or not!?"

"… Not that big of a bitch." The mother grumbled, turned away from her accuser with a blush on her face.

The Toad Sage Of Mount Miyobokuzan.

The Two Great Sage Toads.

The Slumbering Volcano.

Onoki and Kurotsuchi looked at Roshi in surprise as the old drunk joined Jiraiya in helping Naruto.

"Old man? You're actually giving the kid a hand?"

Roshi smirked as he held up his hands and reached out with his Presence. "The way I see it, if another nightmare like Kaguya or that bastard priest comes around, I'd rather be dependent on the insane nut that I already know and can trust, than sit around with my thumb up my ass waiting for a miracle from who the fuck knows where. The brat's annoying, but he did help us out despite all the shit we've given him. Might as well do something that makes us look like decent folks for once. Besides, like it or not, we owe him."

Onoki glared at his right hand before crossing his arms and looking away. "Humph. Do what you want. Helping the brat of the Yellow Flash leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and I don't know that ridiculous technique that apparently everyone can do behind my back, so I won't lift a finger for him. But I won't do anything to stop you either."

"Since when did I ever ask your permission to do anything?" The Jinchuriki joked before flinching and steadying his position. "Ngh. But, ah, Kurotsuchi, I'd join in on this if I were you. This kid… really puts things into perspective. It's one hell of an eye opener."

She gave her grand uncle figure a dirty look. After all that's happened today, the last thing she wanted was to have her world flipped on its head again. Unfortunately, she also knew that he wasn't the type to give her bad advice, especially when something important was going down.

The molten flowing core.

"Tch. Fine. Annoying old man." She lifted her hands up and began to focus. "I don't see what's so important though. I already know this idiot has an absurd Presence and chakra. It's not like… erk?!"

The second she was in contact with Naruto, she nearly had a heart attack. She barely recognized the other Presences that were helping out from near and far. Instead, she was absolutely overwhelmed by just how absurdly titanic Naruto's raw existence was compared to hers. It was like encountering a Biju in its full glory all over again, only worse.

At least with Son Goku, when she saw the monster, that was what she got. Sure the giant ape could manipulate Lava and cause earthquakes, but that was because the Yonbi was so massive and powerful.

Naruto? He was the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens. That didn't mean his Presence made him some royal king-ish figure.

No. It fucking meant that messing with him included messing with the Chaotic Heavens itself. Where one went, so too came the other.

Dragging him back to sanity meant dragging what felt like an entire sky with him.

In front of her was a human shaped figure that seemed to be falling apart into literal air, no, falling apart into violent winds that dictated everything in the skies above. Maybe a third of him at most, his left side, was genuine flesh and blood now, with the rest had dissolved into winds and madness that barely retained a human shape. His visible eye was dull and exhausted. His body, if one didn't count the winds themselves, was nearly completely vacant of energy and exhausted.

And yet, despite his visibly pathetic state, there was not a doubt in her mind that the entity in front of her was overwhelmingly more significant than her in every conceivable way possible.

The overwhelming difference of Presence between the two, the significance between them, was just that smothering.

"This guy… is he even human?" Kurotsuchi blanched as her mind practically rebooted from the exposure. Looking around, metaphorically, she saw that she seemed to be the only one Presence wise that had been struck punch drunk from the sudden overwhelming exposure. The others involved weren't exactly happy or having an easy time trying to get Naruto to normal, but they weren't surprised by the absurd and overwhelming difference between him and everyone else.

Hell. Even the Kyubi's Presence was smaller than Naruto's in terms of raw scale.

"From experience with the kid, I've learned it's best just to ignore asking questions like that whenever possible. Make's life easier that way." Roshi laughed dryly at her side.

"… God I hate all of you so much right now." Throwing caution to the wind, she joined all the mass of entities trying to prevent the idiot from literally falling apart.

"That's the spirit."

"Naruto you jackass gnome! Don't you dare die on us just when you dealt with the hard part!" Tsunade's voice echoed in the background. "I am not going to try explaining this with the Oogakari as my main source of context!"

"… Not a gnome." The accused gnome muttered under his breath.

"Oh come on! He doesn't flinch at all to our calling to him, but he replies to that?!" Ino shouted.

"What do you expect? It's Naruto. His sense of priorities has always been messed up." Chouji laughed.

"… Naruto. If you don't recover, Sasuke's getting the Ramen Pool." Shino spoke up, sounding as nonchalant as always.

Almost instantly, Naruto's body went from a third corporal to a solid half. Complete with a glowing eye. "Sacrilege."

"Why?! Why do you always make it so damn hard to respect you?! Give us a break Naruto! You just had a final boss fight! Stick to the mood!" Tenten instinctually fell back into her straight man role.

"Don't you dare throw me under the ramen bus Shino! You have no idea what the hell he'll do when it comes to that stupid goal of his!" Sasuke shouted with a genuine fear in his voice.

"He's not joking Shino." Sakura joined in, her tone matching Sasuke's. "I once saw his master plan for the Ramen Pool. He actually has estimated costs for prolonged use and ingredient prices. For each season. That includes how many high priority assassination missions he'd need to keep it up per month."

That was right folks. Naruto wasn't just willing to kill for his Ramen Pool. He was willing to kill for its maintenance bill.

"Winter months cost more for heating. Summer months require proper isolation from the outside to prevent insects and animals from getting in." Naruto started to drone as his mind stared to drift elsewhere. "Two hundred thousand ryo for the pool. Another fifty thousand for the customizable outer building and HVAC system to keep the Ramen in optimal conditions regardless of flavor. Eighty thousand per winter month for-"

"Shit! We're losing him! In more than one way!" Kin shouted as Naruto's image began to gradually fade away again, his mind loosing focus on keeping itself together and more on the slipping image of his ideal Ramen Pool.

"Fifteen million for Scabbard Grade Security system to ensure Pool's integrity and to divert the unworthy…"

"Troublesome. Of all the retarded ways to go, he's actually going to think of Ramen himself to death at this rate." Shikamaru was having trouble deciding if he wanted to laugh or cry at the absurdity of the situation.

"Haha. Yes. How ridiculous, but then again, it would be just like Naruto-kun to be capable of such an absurdity in the first place."

That, wasn't a familiar voice.

The Winged Serpent approached the chaos with eyes gleaming of curiosity.

"Who the hell is that?" Kiba snarled. The only reason why he didn't try to confront the newcomer was because he didn't know how that would affect Naruto's condition.

"That's…" Kushina blinked in surprise.

"So, the leftovers of Orochimaru decided to reveal itself after all." Kurama stated menacingly.

"Leftovers of… Kabuto?!" Sakura nearly shocked herself out of using Presence.

"That guy knows Presence too?!" Sasuke was definitely not having pleasant feelings about the revelation. Especially after learning about his alternative history.

"Haha. So you knew the entire time after all. I suspected as much." The identified Kabuto laughed, not at all worried about being called out.

The Great Leviathan and the Flower of the Three Planes appeared to either side of the Winged Serpent. They were not happy.

In terms of sheer scale and quality, there was no contest between the newcomers and Kabuto. The pair could, and would judging from their expressions, tear him apart at the slightest provocation.

"I don't know why, but I feel like I've felt your Presence before." Hana growled menacingly. "And right now, I want nothing more than to tear you apart."

"Give us a reason not to." Anko hissed, her snake eyes glowing with malice. "Because we don't need a reason to go through with skinning you."

"Please calm yourselves. I assure you, I am at the bare minimum not here as your enemy. I know enough about this particular ability to be fully aware that being casual with its secrets would not serve to benefit me well. As a man of Science, I have long developed a healthy respect for the nature of power, and the awareness of when selfish interference is a poor prospect to employ." Kabuto crooned confidently, not unlike his former master, not at all worried about his current situation. There was no question that he didn't stand a chance against the two women if they decided to double team him.

"Then why are you here?" Kakashi demanded, his normal, ambient tone completely gone.

"To ask a question."

The answer caught everyone by surprise.

"A, a question?" Chouji was confused.

"Yes. Given Naruto-kun's questionable state, I felt that it was a now or never sort of situation. Not that I don't have faith in his ability to recover, but I am the type that prefers to be on the safer side of things." The traitor medic shamelessly proclaimed. "I admit, the timing is rather dubious, and I offer my most sincere apologies for the spontaneity of my appearance, but I do mean you no harm."

"You risked revealing yourself and your knowledge of Presence, just to ask Naruto a question?" Asuma frowned.

"Yes. I have." There was a firm resolve in his voice that seemed to echo through every other person there. There was no doubting that, in his eyes, the risk was more than worth what he would obtain. "It is something that I would not bother anyone else with. Not the Kage. Not the Oogakari. Not even Orochimaru-sama. It is something I must hear from Naruto-kun specifically. No, rather, it is something that I can only hear from him."

"… Let him ask." Surprisingly, it was the Fox that gave way first.

"Kurama?" Kushina blinked in surprise.

"There's no malice in his words or in his mind. At the very least, he does not intend to do anything that would get in our way." The Biju stated factually. "If he helps afterwards, good. If he doesn't, the conversation might be enough to keep the idiot self-aware regardless."

Despite their thoughts on Kabuto, the group trusted the Kyubi's judgement more… barely. With reluctant glares, Hana and Anko joined the rest of the group in trying to keep Naruto stable, allowing Kabuto to approach the person in question.

"Fascinating… you really are a force of nature of your own Naruto-kun. Even in your current state, I feel like I'm facing an uncontested entity that I have no hope of comparing to." Kabuto inspected Naruto curiously, shivering from the mere exposure of being in such close proximity. "No wonder the other Biju treated you as they have. I would not doubt the possibility that you would eventually be a greater world power than Hashirama Senju or Madara Uchiha, if you haven't already..."

"Oi! Science brat! Get to the point already!" Zabuza shouted to the side, quickly losing his patience. Despite how things appeared, it was a genuinely tiring task trying to hold onto Naruto's consciousness and keep him together.

Kabuto, or rather, the Winged Serpent he was portrayed as, had the decency to flush with embarrassment. "Ah. Yes. My apologies. My curiosity got the better of me."

Moving up to face Naruto directly, Kabuto noted that the blonde had not truly said anything that would indicate that he was aware of what was around him. It was understandable, given his current situation, but, Kabuto had an feeling that the blonde was not as out of it as he portrayed.

After all, a good part of using Presence in general was straight up will power and intent.

The Winged Serpent hovered in front of the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens, and demanded its attention.

Naruto blinked.

Good. He was responsive.

"It has been some time since we last spoke, Naruto-kun." Kabuto hissed faintly. "Even though it was our first genuine conversation, you left quite an impression. Then again, you have been in the habit of doing that for quite some time, if I recall."

No response, but the serpent continued.

"I'm a former ROOT agent. Those rumors about the burning orphanages… well, mine was one of the first. The matron was a former shinobi, we loved her like a mother, and Danzo used me to get her to cooperate with his requests. Long story short, he tried to get us to kill one another without knowing years into his charade to tie up loose ends, and Orochimaru-sama found me. I… murdered the woman that I saw as a mother, I didn't even know it was her until it was too late, and she didn't even recognize me even as I apologized and called out her name during her final moments. Right in the middle of Iwa, ironically enough."

A twitch of the eye. Whether it was out of pity or genuine annoyance was anyone's guess. Kabuto suspected both.

"I was a spy since I was a child, Naruto-kun. I faked my personality with each and every town I visited. By the time I had some consistency in my life, even I did not know who I was anymore. Only what I was good at. Even Orochimaru-sama, despite his wisdom, could only give me small pieces of aid with that regard."

For the briefest of moments, Naruto gave Kabuto a dry look. As if to say, "Get to the point".

Kabuto ignored the accusing glare. "Without Orochimaru-sama… for the past few years, I've developed a bit on my own, but I still have no idea who or what I am. A spy? A traitor? A madman? A scientist? Are these the answer, or mere occupations and roles I was forced into? I cannot rely on the inputs of those who are overwhelmed with the indoctrination of Village teachings or the fallouts of their actions, nor can I rely on those that are completely unaware of how the world works."

It finally looked like he was getting to the meat of the matter.

"But you are different, Naruto-kun. You are fully aware of how flawed this world is, and have not submitted to its faulty machinations in the slightest. No. By the time this year is up, I have little doubt that the world will have to adapt to your return. Your authority and power. Whether you desire it or not. Watching your fighting today is all the proof I will ever need to verify that. Unfiltered. Unbiased. Untainted. Unrestrained perception, yet one with full comprehension of the greater world that those trapped within the constraints of mind numbing nationalistic politics and petty ideals cannot begin to achieve. If there is one perspective that I will ever respect and acknowledge in Orochimaru-sama's absence, it is yours."

The Serpent's wings flared outward, not to show off its majesty, but rather to reveal everything it possessed to the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens. Its eyes flashed with hunger and desire.

"This is my question. What am I, Naruto Uzumaki? When we speak, what do you hear? When we confront one another, what do you see? I am tired of the lies around me, and of the ones that even I have fooled myself to believe. I have spent years searching the solution to this maddening riddle, but have found nothing but meandering non-answers and baseless philosophy. And now I have come to you, Lord of the Chaotic Heavens, for a solution that no one else has managed to ascertain."

As Kabuto ranted, his very essence seemed to grow and rage with built up frustration and pressure. His eyes shone with hunger. His wings splayed out, feathers twitching and narrowing as if turning into daggers. His tail lashed out wildly. His mouth opened with a hiss, allowing his rows of fangs to be bared and revealed to the world.

To most, he was a rather intimidating sight.

Naruto looked up at him with a borderline dead fish eye.

"I can't tell you what I see. Because you, haven't decided what you are, or what you want, yet."

His words were barely a whisper, but they were heard as clearly as a roar.

"You, can be many things. You are many things. You have the potential, resources, power, and knowledge that few will ever accumulate, or envision. You are without a doubt, someone of worth, regardless of what you assume, or who you associate with."

Kabuto didn't say a word. His image was perfectly still, as if he was a statue, taking in everything Naruto said as if it held the secrets to life itself.

"You, can be a person to rely on. An insufferable enemy. A powerful nobody. You can fly in the sky, or crawl into caves with equal ease. You can do it all well, but… none are what you feel are what define you. You, haven't decided what you want yet. It makes reading you, a pain in the ass."

Kabuto nodded slowly, agreeing to every single statement Naruto made, but didn't miss the faint and dry twitching in the teen's lips, as if he had just thought up of something amusing that would cause problems for others.

He could not feel more excited at the sight of it.

"Take an apprentice."

And like that his excitement felt like it had been speared through the chest with genuine bewilderment.

"I… can you repeat that?"

Naruto's smile became far more apparent. And evil.

"You don't know what you want for yourself. But, you may find a hint in what you desire for others. Danzo. Orochimaru. You were raised by both. Scarred by both. You know what they know, and what they lack as humans more than anyone else." It was hard to tell if Naruto was screwing with Kabuto on purpose, or giving him genuine advice. He looked so out of it that even those that knew him had trouble determining his mindset.

"How would that help me though?" Kabuto was more than a little vexed and frustrated by Naruto's solution if his whipping tail and flickering tongue were any indication.

"Sometimes, the best way to judge a person is not how they treat themselves, but how they treat the ones that matter to them. Take an apprentice. Or a dozen for all I care. Ones that you see potential in. Ones that interest you. You possess the intellect, skill, and resources to accomplish such a meager feat easily and tend to whatever projects catch your interest in the meantime with ease."

There was an ominous pause as Naruto breathed out slowly, as if talking alone took a good deal of effort and focus to accomplish.

"It will take time. You will be frustrated on occasion. Annoyed. You will wonder why you are bothering with such distractions in the first place. Will you treat them like Danzo? Like Orochimaru? Or as someone different? It will be up to you, but eventually… you will forget. You will forget your question to find yourself. You will forget your goals, Orochimaru's goals, Danzo's goals."

"You… want me to forget my search?" Kabuto hissed with a hint of barely restrained fury.

"And, on the day that you have realized this… that you have genuinely been experiencing life without this search haunting every action and thought you have…" Naruto went on, ignoring the serpent's agitation. "Look at them. Look at your students. Look at your projects. Your accomplishments. Your goals. Your reflection. And ask yourself what you see. Now and then."

The pent up aggression in the serpent died almost immediately as he dwelled over Naruto's words. They made sense. Far more sense than he expected despite how simple the task was. "… That's it? Do you truly believe that I'll find my answer that way?"

"No idea." Naruto sighed. "I'm not some all-seeing prophet. I told you. You haven't decided what you are yet. It's not my place to do it for you. This is just… the best way I can think of for you to figure it out on your own… without fucking up everything in the process."

"… Heh. Hahahaha." Kabuto couldn't help but laugh at Naruto's continuation, shaking his head as if to berate himself for jumping the gun.

"I'm serious." You could almost hear Naruto pout, even in his weakened stated. "If you start being a pain again, I will find and destroy your ass."

"Hahahaha." If anything, his reaffirmation only made Kabuto laugh harder. "Haha. Ah, sorry. I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. Several times over. I was not laughing at you. No, I fully expect you to carry through with your ultimatum several times over. I was laughing at myself for overlooking the obvious. I… remembered that insight does not always equate to clarity. It's, rather embarrassing to have forgotten something so simple, but refreshing as well. I was right to speak to you."

"Good." Naruto seemed to be pleased with Kabuto's compliance.

He then slumped forward, his eyes getting hazier by the moment, and his physical half suddenly degenerating at a faster pace.

"Now if you don't mind, I think I'm going to take a nap now…"

"?! THE HELL YOU ARE!" At once, literally everyone that had been trying to get Naruto back to normal shouted at him at the top of their lungs in what would be comical fury if the situation wasn't so dire.

"Tired…" The subject of their validated anger ignored them as he seemingly drifted off, slumping forward as energy left him.

And then Kabuto's tail smacked him in the face.

"As crude as my methods are, I don't think any of us can afford to be picky at this point." The serpent far too cheerfully excused his actions.

"Why the hell didn't we think of that earlier?!" Kin shouted. "Quick! Let's kick his ass to save his ass! Even almost dead, he's so disgustingly overpowered that we'd still be helping him!"

"That's just stupid enough to be something that Naruto might do! Let's do it!" Kiba roared.

"Yeah!" In hindsight, those there would look back at this moment and realize that more than a few of them agreed way too quickly and eagerly to her suggestion.

"Wait, what are you ta-gumpth!?" Naruto's half conscious inquiry was interrupted as half of his "friends" all pounced on him and proceeded to wail on him as much as they could given that they were technically all spiritual and conceptual manifestations of themselves.

In the distance, they could clearly hear, and thus clearly ignored, Shadow laughing her ass off at the spectacle.

"You. Will. Not. Die. Before. I. Kill. Your. Annoying. Ass." Sasuke uttered a single word between each shameless suckerpunch he was delivering to his best friend.

"Naruto, I assure you that we are doing this for your own good." No one knew if Kakashi was trying to convince his student or himself before electrocuting said student with a far too pleased eye smile.

"You are going to come back home. And you are going to beg me for forgiveness for all the headaches you have given me you ungrateful little shit!" Tsunade on the other hand had no qualms revealing what she really thought about Naruto as she came down on him like a meteor.

At face value, yes, it did appear to be a bit overkill, cruel, and undeserved for Naruto to be mauled by all his friends and close ones under the thin pretense of trying to keep him conscious and return him to normal.

At face value.

"Tch. It feels like I'm trying to hurt a giant ball of steel wool the size of a mountain range." Asuma grimaced as he pulled back his fist for the twentieth time. "Are we actually doing anything like this?"

"We must be too far away from him to do much. This is the first time most if not all of us are doing something like this." Shino grimaced. "That or, as much as I'd hate to admit it, we are too weak to make much of an effect."

"Hit him harder!" Ino shouted, coming to a completely different conclusion than what was intended.

"Naruto. Don't fall asleep." Hinata was one of the few people that wasn't trying, and slightly enjoying, absolutely wailing on him. "You won't come back if you fall asleep. You have to stay with us. You've done too much to stop now."

"But, I'm so tired." Naruto mumbled, half aware of what was going on. As stupid and violent as everyone's resort to violence was, the raw interaction with him was keeping him aware enough to remain somewhat human. "I can barely feel anything…"

"That's because you're falling into Law! Remember?!" Kushina shouted from right next to him, physically and metaphorically. "You are literally going to turn into a bodiless and mindless force of nature at this rate! Remember what Ghost told you?! Naruto Uzumaki is aware that he is the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens, but the Lord of the Chaotic Heavens is not aware that it is also Naruto Uzumaki! You won't be able to turn back if you fall apart completely!"

"… Ah. Right. I used Law again. That was… pretty stupid."

"Damn it. This isn't working. He's starting to forget things now." Minato grimaced as he plunged his hands into what was essentially his son's soul, gathering as much power as he could, and more or less acting like a spiritual defibrillator.

Even within the greatest of storms, none could dictate when and where Lightning would make its next appearance save for Lightning itself.

The sudden jolt through Naruto's being caused him to seize momentarily, but in those few moments, his eyes grew momentarily clarity.

For those few moments.

Naruto's mind was in a fog. Aaaah. Damn it. Why was everyone going crazy all of a sudden? All he wanted to do was rest right now. Was that so much to ask? He was just so damn tired. Just one nap and… and…

"You seem to be in quite a state if you've even forgotten what is happening."

What remained of his face twitched, and a slight frown was seen.

That voice, didn't belong to the people trying to keep him awake… or to the people that were mauling him.

Instead, it was coming from behind him. In a direction that no one could see or imagine.

"This is a pretty bad joke…" Naruto muttered. Even in his half faded state, he could still be irritated if given the right reasons.

"That's the Family's second motto. Or so I've been told." A second voice joined the conversation, drowning out the shouting that was calling his name.

Naruto barely managed to turn around enough to see the two speakers, and developed enough willpower to push through for just a bit longer.

Right in view, invisible to everyone else, were Nagato and Sai.

"… You're dead." He stated the obvious, and asked an unspoken explanation.

Nagato shrugged, his bones shifting noticeably in the gesture under his emaciated skin. "We are, however, as much as I touted myself as a God, I believe I have come to see that my expectations and perspective on the subject were woefully lacking."

"No matter what the situation is, Ghost-sensei has a bad habit of misleading everyone." Sai summarized the situation adequately. "He is The End, and you are close enough to the other side to be in his territory, the undefined omnipresent grey area. And so, here we are."

"That… bastard…" Naruto remembered. He remembered that poke to the head right before he used Law. It wasn't to completely get rid of the seal that bound his powers. It was to set this very situation up in case things got too bad.

It wasn't even interfering with the fight. If Naruto had been put in this position and Hidan was still around, he would have been killed before getting to this state. The setup would specifically only come about if and only if he had managed to deal with Hidan and was having trouble getting back to normal.

Knowing Ghost, he'd probably just play off the whole thing and not bring it up unless someone else did or managed to figure it out. Despite being supposedly sensitive about his reputation, the man put up a genuine effort to maintain the poor image he complained about, only giving out enough hints of the real truth for those that actually knew him to be able to figure out.

His approach often fell along the lines of "let the idiot masses believe what they want, let the ones that don't have their heads up their asses know that there is more happening behind the scenes, and those that should know better figure out the truth for themselves because they're the only ones that actually matter".

"I cannot disagree. After I died and became that man's, tribute, I learned everything. Including the past. It was a very, peculiar experience." Nagato smiled bitterly. "You have been through much, Naruto. And, thank you, for trying to help me. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more use."

"I learned of what occurred as well." Sai gave his friend a genuine smile. "I can't say that I'm pleased of how either timeline turned out, considering I'm dead and all, but… I am glad I knew you in both of them."

"I still fucked up…" Naruto muttered, whether it was to himself or them was anyone's guess.

"Naruto, I went around telling everyone I was a god while being used to bring about the apocalypse." Nagato allowed himself to show some dry humor. "As far as fuckups go, I'm pretty sure even you have not gotten that bad."

"Don't jinx it. You're talking to Naruto." Sai's face dropped to be completely serious. "Tempting fate around him is a really bad idea."

"Yeah. Stupid." Naruto slurred with small, almost drunk smile, enjoying the simple inside joke.

"I wasn't joking Naruto." Sai corrected him. "Your Presence is literally a face of divine chaos. You can't excuse something like that."

"… Oh. Right. Sorry."

Behind him, he could hear the odd sound of a crowd getting louder, yet still pulling away for some reason.

"Naruto, we can't talk for long. The more you converse with us, the more you come to our side. As corny as it sounds, it's not your time yet." Nagato smiled apologetically.

"Can't. Tired." Naruto mumbled. It was hard to even move as he was.

"That's why we're here. Being dead… well, the extra perspective can sometimes come in handy in situations like this." Sai smiled, lifting up his hand alongside Nagato. "If you have anything you want to say, now's the time."

The blonde lifted his head, and appeared to almost say something, but then something caught his attention behind them. "… Is that an ugly middle aged guy version of Ino behind you?"

The two blinked in confusion at the seemingly completely random question before turning around and seeing Fuu Yamanaka screaming incessantly and floating uncontrollably in the distance. Whether or not he was aware of them was anyone's guess.

"Uh. No. That's… a former coworker." Sai blinked in genuine confusion, distinctively ignoring the fact that Fuu was specifically shouting his name. "I'm not sure why he's here either. I thought that Nagato killed him."

"I did." Nagato was also perturbed and curious, tilting his head to the side. "But even so, only those of us with Presence and significant connections to Naruto and Ghost should be here."

Ghost's voice echoed through the background, and an ethereal wind blew the frantic ROOT agent away into the ether. "Shit! Fuck! Sorry! Sorry! Didn't think he'd be around for this long! My fault! Totally my bad! Forgot to clean up this area ahead of time! Pretend you didn't see that! Please continue as if absolutely nothing happened! Damn it, this is so embarrassing! Ignore the screaming torture victim blowing in the wind that isn't really wind between realities!"

"… Suddenly, I completely understand why Naruto's personality has changed so much between timelines." Nagato noted with an unreadable tone. This was almost as bad as when Jiraiya had to give him and his friends "the talk" when they were small, and they subsequently pieced together the Toad Sage's habit of going to nearby adult clubs during their days off.

It took nearly half a year for Konan to manage to look at the Sanin in the eyes after that particular event.

"It's an acquired taste. One that I doubt anyone has yet to fully obtain." Sai sighed. Even dead, he couldn't seem to escape the Oogakari's antics.

"If only." Naruto threw in his two cents. "I don't think I can last longer guys."

"There goes our chance for any meaningful last words." Nagato shook his head, reaching out to gently press a hand against Naruto's shoulder. "Best prepare yourself. This will be somewhat disorienting."

"That, and the Kyubi appears to be trying something desperate." Sai added, resting his hand against his friend's other shoulder. "Try to at least remember what you were doing before passing out this time, ok needle dick?"

"Fuck you albino bastaaaaaaaa?!" Naruto's cuss was cut short as he experienced the odd sensation of his mind and soul being twisted in one direction while being inflated at the same time.

"He's reacting again! It's working!" Someone shouted. If Naruto had enough self-awareness to respond, he'd punch them for doing so right next to his damn ears.

"There is no doubt in my mind that the idiot is going to complain after this. Just as there is no doubt that I will enjoy having a legitimate reason for beating him stupid every time he does it." The Fox growled, his image coming into focus as Naruto slowly returned to world of the living…

… And saw exactly why he felt like he was an inflating balloon.

One of the beast's tails was embedded into his stomach, right on the opening of the seal that housed the Biju for the past decade and a half.

A second tail meanwhile, was stretched up to the sky.

Right where the Spiraling Lotus was.

Oh. Correction. Eight tails were stretched to the giant chakra construct. Draining it of its power and funneling it directly into the seal.

"… The fuck are you doing Kurama?" Somehow, Naruto managed to regain control over his lungs and mouth again.

"He's aware of what's going on! Keep filling him up!" Kushina shouted in urgency and relief.

"Too loud mom…"

"I'm saving your ungrateful monkey ass." The beast growled. "If you die now, I'm going to have to deal with your idiot species again hunting me down like I'm some prized wild animal. I have better things to do than slaughtering weaklings every day."

"That monstrosity you made has the chakra of seven biju in it. Seven faces of the essence of the world itself working in perfect harmony. Despite the power it has, the jutsu is the most stable manifestation of energy I've ever seen in the elemental nations." Minato elaborated. "It was a stretch, but we gambled that if we put the bulk of that stable power in you, in the seal, it could stabilize your Presence."

"I feel like a blow up doll that's being over prepped." He was used to harnessing absurd levels of power at any given time, but what he wasn't used to was harnessing and adapting absurd levels of power from seven distinct and major different sources at once.

Most of the time, whenever some lucky idiot was gifted with this much juice at once, they were expected to actually use it in the very near future. Actually holding it inside yourself was another story completely. Moreso when you were half conscious.

"You know what taking out Kurama does to your system if left alone for too long. And you're stuffing something just as big and absurd that isn't him in your seal. Of course your body isn't going to react seamlessly to this." Kushina reasoned, looking around.

Surrounding Naruto were the people that had just been recently "helping" him. Instead of trying to inflict grievous harm to his deteriorating body, they were now injecting their own chakra into the mix, smoothing out the process and helping Naruto whenever they could.

"Focus you idiot. Adapting to multiple sources of power is supposed to be your specialty, so adapt already. I can't do everything myself." Kurama grumbled as he more or less force fed more or less a biju and a half's worth of chakra into his host.

"Shut up. I feel like I'm being force fed a twelve course meal immediately after doing a decathlon. I need to pace damn it." If they kept on rushing him like this, he was going to blow chunks. Or Chakra. Could he even throw up chakra? Wait, he could use Level Two, so technically, yes, he could.

With an annoyed grunt, the Kyubi slowed down injecting Naruto with more or less the very stuff that was needed to wake up the Juubi in the first place. It was still an absurd amount of power that would cause most people to go insane if they were in the same role, but Naruto somehow managed. Circulating and cycling the well of energy in his body. Accumulating the excess reserves, and expelling it through the rest of his body in the form of the Seventh Sense. It wasn't a perfect setup, but it was enough for him to get used to.

"Naruto? Naruto, can you hear us?" Hinata asked worriedly.

He looked at his hands before turning to anyone. His left was human, but his right was still an amalgamation of raging winds and chaos. That being said, the madness was only up to his elbow now, and receding quickly.

"I… yeah. I can. Somehow. Not going to be fine for a while though. I really messed myself up this time. Hold on." He glanced at the tail embedded in his stomach, grabbed it, grunted and ripped it out, much to everyone's surprise.

"What the hell are you doing? We're trying to help!" Kushina asked in bewilderment.

"You're going to kill me all over again at this rate. There's a reason why I keep on complaining that Kurama's ability to sync energy sucks." With a tired huff, he lifted his physical hand up to the sky and focused.

As if on command, the giant flower in the sky began to spin and fall apart into countless petals, rotating faster and faster in a kaleidoscope of color until it formed a massive rainbow colored twister that originated from the palm of Naruto's hand.

What Kurama had been having trouble with for the past five minutes, Naruto had finished almost as easily as breathing within fifteen seconds.

"Haaa." The blonde breathed out slowly as chakra raged inside of him, acting as if he had just finished a massive meal. It was going to take him a week at bare minimum before his body could acclimate to the new reservoir of power he had just taken in. That was on top of the recovery time he was going to need from using Law in the first place. "I keep on telling you furball, my chakra's naturally not as dense as yours. You keep on forgetting to dilute it when trying to inject it into other sources."

Then there was the headache he was getting. He was seeing double at the moment. Half the time he was looking at the natural physical world, the other half he was seeing everyone's Presences at once in a pseudo limbo all around him. His vision would have gotten blurry if it already wasn't shot already.

"Are you all right?" Shikamaru asked the billion ryo question that was on everyone's minds.

"No." He didn't hesitate in telling everyone the truth. He wasn't going to be all right for a while. Examining his right hand, the raging winds had been relegated to just that. Within a minute or two, his body would be completely back to normal. Physically at least. "No, but… I'm past the worst of it."

Law… the extended exposure to ranged omnipresence… individual beings were not designed for that sort of thing. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Let alone more than once. He'd have to warn the old hag not to send a Yamanaka into his mind for the next few months while he recovered. Not just for his sake, but for theirs as well.

It was odd, hearing a chorus of collective sighs of relief around him when more than half of them weren't even there to begin with.

"Thank god." Hinata sounded like she was on the verge of tears. "You were… for a moment…"

"I get it. I, you don't have to say anything more about it." Naruto cut her off before she worked herself up. "You can go now guys. I'll be back home soon. And… thanks. Sorry I'm such a pain sometimes."

"You must be out of it if you're actually apologizing instead of going on about how amazingly overpowered and stupid you are." Kiba snorted. "Screw it. Just explain what the hell is going on to us when you get back. Between that and dealing with whatever the hell that alien woman was, and fucked up Akatsuki nut, just consider us even."

The blonde laughed bitterly. "Fine. Sure. Whatever you say Kiba."

"Tch. Even half dead we can't get you to take us seriously." The Inuzuka shook his head. "Just get back soon alright. We still need to… the sooner we deal with Sai, the better."

And like that Naruto's slight good mood was gone. Shinobi burials was a sensitive topic. You could store corpses inside scrolls for a while, but it was obviously considered extremely insulting to delay delivering said bodies to their rightful owners to be tended to. "Yeah. You're right."

There was an awkward pause as everyone looked at one another uncomfortably.

"You guys can go now. Being here isn't something you guys should be able to keep up for long. Somehow, I doubt that this is something you practiced much." On the contrary, he wouldn't be surprised if most of the Presences around him were a result of desperation and improvisation.

This sort of trick, long ranged awareness imposition, it wasn't one that could simply be done at the drop of a hat by someone that didn't know what they were doing. Training and experience were needed to make it possible in the first place. The fact that all of his friends and close ones were capable of it at all…

A dry smile etched itself on his face. They must have worked harder than he had originally thought over the past few years. How stupid. Underestimating his friends like this.

One by one, they all thanked him before returning to their bodies. More than a few threw in a jab at his integrity, which he retorted in kind.

"We expect you to come back home soon for real this time." Hinata kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be very angry if you play around anymore than you already have."

"Knowing my luck, any vacation I take is going to wind up being more work than my employed life." He meant it too.

With wry smile, Hinata vanished.

"I have seen many people, but even I have not witnessed someone as cared for as you." Kabuto noted from the side. "I must admit, I am somewhat envious."

"Considering the fact you didn't leave when everyone was focused on me, you have something important to talk about." Naruto read between the lines immidiately.

"You know me so well. I'm flattered." Kabuto lightly joked. "An exchange, if you will. Another question, for some information I believe you will find valuable."

He held back a groan. "I'm about two minutes from passing out Kabuto. Make it quick."

"I intend to." The serpent's tail flickered in mild anticipation. "I am somewhat aware of the details of your recent training trip. And, I admit, I have a curiosity that has been itching the back of my mind since I saw how much you have progressed, how much you have grown in power and magnitude. Tell me, and be truthful, how often did you lose during your trip?"

Naruto's expression darkened as he made eye contact with Kabuto. It was an extremely loaded question, one whose answer held a mountain's worth of implications and warnings.

"All the fucking time." He didn't hold back at all.

The Time Manipulators. The Reality Warpers. The Reality Jumpers. The Rule Makers. The World Breakers. The Conceptual Invokers. The Causality Weavers. The God Killers. The Multiverse Rulers. He had been destroyed by them all and more.

In the grand scheme of things, Naruto Uzumaki was not strong in the slightest. He was just a single person of interest. One of far more than most could ever hope to comprehend.

"Even with Sage Mode and the Kyubi?"

"Those were the worst of them all."

"… I suspected as much. Thank you for being honest with me. You have given me much to think about."

"I suggest you come to me if you think you're about to do something stupid with it." Naruto warned.

"Yes. Yes of course. You would know better than I about the matter. It would be foolish to move forward with anything significant without your input." Kabuto was already distracted by his thoughts, his tongue flickering rampantly and his tail flickering without end.

"Your turn. What did you want to tell me?" Naruto asked.

There was a momentary pause as the scientist seemed to just remember where he was before letting out a bitter chuckle. "Ha. I tell you this because we likely share an enemy, or at least a significant annoyance. I am not the only one outside of your circle that is capable of Presence, Naruto. Danzo has managed to scrape away its secrets as well, albeit his capability with it is far from the level that you and yours possess."

"WHAT?!" Naruto heard more than one person shout out in alarm, and for good reason.

"Figures it wouldn't be easier after this." The teen on the other hand, did not display nearly as much discomfort by the revelation. "And ROOT?"

Kabuto seemed to swell with amusement at the question. "You must be aware of some of ROOT's conditioning process by now. You should be able to determine just how well it would mesh with the requirements for Presence utilization."

So borderline non-existent then. Funny thing about Presence was that the user needed a hint of individuality and self-awareness in order to use Presence correctly. Pride. Emotion. Desire. Things that were wiped out in the conditioning.

Oh, the bare basics of Presence could still be used by the agents, but that was it. They'd get a mild boost at best, but compared to what Naruto's group could do, it was negligible.

Danzo though… that guy was a different story.

"He asked you for help on the matter, didn't he?"

If Naruto hadn't seen Orochimaru's smug smirk so often in the previous timeline, he'd say that this would be the first time he ever saw a snake smile. The bastard didn't even look ashamed for being caught on the matter.

"He attempted his own form of diplomacy, yes. With limited results."

"And people call me an asshole."

"Hahaha." Kabuto genuinely laughed, as if he truly enjoyed conversing with the blonde. Within seconds, his image began to fade. "Goodbye Naruto. I'm certain that we will speak again in the near future."

"Uuuuuugh." If that wasn't a pathetically thin veiled warning that he was going to be in deep shit soon, he didn't know what was.

"Oi kid, is something wrong?" Jiraiya asked. Because Kabuto was the last person to stop using Presence, no one else heard what he had said.

"I let Orochimaru two point zero have the final word before goodbye."

"… Just forget the past thirty seconds kid. You'll sleep better if you do."

"Can't. Too busy falling unconscious."

"That works too."

"Not to interrupt your touching conversation, but are you lot done with, whatever the hell that was?" Onoki floated between the pair with crossed arms and a crossed expression.

Seeing as the Tsuchikage was the only one there that didn't know Presence and was completely in the dark about what had just transpired, his irritation was to be expected.

"More or less." The Toad Sage stood up straight. "To be honest, even I have no idea what the hell just happened, but it's pretty much all settled now."

Naruto felt like shit as he nodded his waterlogged head.

He hadn't felt like this in months. Even during his training, Ghost had rarely ever put him in a situation where he was this messed up, but what he was experiencing was ticking off nearly every checkbox on the list. Barely conscious. Uncontrollable chakra. Annoying ominous feeling in the back… of… his…

"Fuck."

It was the way he said it that set off warning lights in the beings of everyone that heard him. The dark, ominous tone that indicated that they had screwed up impossibly badly.

There were no questions asked however.

Mostly because before anyone could say a word, two near needle thin jets of water speared straight through the group.

One would have slashed through Naruto's neck if he didn't use what little control he had left in the air around him to force himself to lie flat back on the ground hard.

Jiraiya likewise, had the awareness and the reflexes, still being in Sage Mode, to avoid the surprise attack completely.

It would continue onward to tear apart Kushina's chakra body before they had proper time to react, with Minato only losing an arm. Had they not exhausted themselves trying to rescue their son in a pure energy state, they might have been able to do something in time, however the cards were not in their favor for once. The only reason why Minato managed to escape somewhat intact was simply because he was naturally that fast.

Thankfully, Kushina's soul simply returned to Naruto's seal as a result of this.

Unfortunately, she returned while the seal was in a state of chaos due to it containing the Spiraling Lotus' chakra. But no one would realize the ramifications of this until later.

The other jet of water though targeted the Iwa contingency.

Roshi and Kurotsuchi, both being Presence users, had the awareness to just barely dodge in time.

Onoki though…

"Gah!?" The Tsuchikage screamed as his right leg and arm were severed almost instantly. It was a far cry from being severed in half, but not by much.

"Grandpa!?"

"Fuck! 'Noki!"

The water blades came in for a second sweep, however there was no need to defend against it.

BOOM!

High pressure chakra water was indeed dangerous, but apparently there needed to be a bit more power behind it to pierce through the Kyubi's tail, which had dropped around the group as an improvised barricade.

"Kurama!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs. Lying on the ground in his current state, it was more or less the only thing he could do at the moment.

"It's the puppet!" The Biju replied, flickering a second tail and impaling where Sasori, or rather, the puppet body of Sasori without a heart was attacking them. In an instant, the human turned tool of death was crushed into pieces. "He's controlling it from a long distance! We didn't sense the tool getting close!"

Growling in fury, Kurama narrowed his eyes and focused on the malice that was being directed in their direction. Almost over three kilometers away on the remains of a mountain that Naruto had pretty much molested in his fight, he could feel the attention of Sasori, Kakuzu, and the masked bastard on him.

He understood what their plan had been instantly. Wounded, defeated, and bitter, they had attempted to try and get one last cheap stab in before escaping. Only highly experienced or specialized Presence users could see far enough into future to have enough time warn others of impending danger. For everyone else, the warning lights normally only flared up instants before the attack came.

The Fox berated himself for his careless oversight. He had felt and known that the dregs of Akatsuki had not left the area yet, but he had been confident that they could not do anything at this great a distance quickly. He had only been wary of Pain, Deidara, and the Uchiha when he had his Mangekyo. But now that it had been blinded, he had been overconfident about their position.

He should have known better. No one in Akatsuki was normal by any means. To control a Puppet at a distance of over two kilometers and gradually sneak it close enough to attack without their knowing until it was too late... that was NOT something that was beyond his or Naruto's expectation or imagination. Not after all they had been through. They should have seen something like this coming.

Their relief and victory had made them sloppy. And now there were consequences.

"Oi!? What the hell are you doing?!" Jiraiya stammered as the fox viciously began to gather chakra into his mouth for a Bijudama. His worry was warranted. He doubted that anyone had ever survived being this close to one of those monstrosities being made and launched after all.

"Addressing an oversight."

Jiraiya would have liked to say that he at the very least had the pleasure of seeing fox's attack waste a mountain from the delivering side of things, but due to the tail that was still shielding the group from any possible attacks, that opportunity was unavailable to him.

On the plus side though, he didn't have to deal with the massive shockwave blowing him away from said explosion.

"Tch." Despite his display of raw power, the fox was not pleased with the result. Just before his attack went off, he felt the group of three vanish completely. A teleportation jutsu, most likely. Probably a seal array. "They escaped."

"Who cares about them?! Something's wrong with Gramps!" Kurotsuchi shouted angrily, trying to tend to Onoki's bleeding body. To anyone that saw him, it was clear that the old man was not aware of the world around him. His body was shaking, his breathing was haggard, sweat was covering his face, and his skin was changing colors.

"Sasori." Naruto grimaced, barely managing to stay awake himself. "Poison."

"What sort of absurd poison manages to take effect when moving in water moving that fast?!" Ma shouted in absolute bewilderment from Jiraiya's shoulder.

"The kind that only Tsunade-hime or a Kage level Poison Master has any hope of comprehending." Jiraiya grimaced, remembering Sasori's bio and the story of Sakura treating Kankuro in the previous timeline. "This is bad. Onoki, not young. His body probably could barely handle his limbs being cut off. The poison might just assure his death at this rate."

"We have to get him back to the village!" Akatsuchi reached down to pick up his friend. He had always ripped on the Tsuchikage for his small size, but never in his life had he ever felt his friend be so small before, and he absolutely loathed it.

"Unless you have someone near the level of Tsunade-Hime in medicine or poison, he's going to die anyway." Jiraiya grimaced, thinking of just how poorly Iwagakure would react to their leader's demise. Especially in its current conditions.

The civil war would probably restart again, regardless of Akatsuki's involvement or not. Plus, Jiraiya and Naruto would make horrifically tempting scape goats for any number of reasons.

They had stopped Akatsuki, but… they might get their war after all.

"He's right. 'Noki needs extremely specialized treatment asap, and even if we do have someone that might be of use in the village, there's a chance that they might have been downed that the Priest's jutsu." Roshi spat in bitter acknowledgement. It wasn't that Iwa was lacking in the medical field per say. It was just that they didn't particularly excel in it the way that Konoha and Suna did. Hell, even Kusagakure was further ahead of them in that category.

"No." Minato grimaced as he looked at everyone around him. "We do have one more option. But you're not going to like it."

"We do?" Jiraiya blinked in confusion. "What is it?"

Onoki coughed up blood.

"No time!" The Fourth Hokage ordered, taking command almost immidiately. "Everyone touch Kurama! Accept his chakra and don't fight it or you'll be left behind!"

"You, you're not actually thinking of-" The fox looked down at Minato with genuine surprise.

"Not now! Without Naruto helping I have to focus!" Minato berated as Roshi pushed Onoki against the tail that was protecting them and Jiraiya did the same with Naruto, who had more or less finally given into his exhausted state and was borderline unconscious.

While making seals, he turned to the camera that was taking in their every action and ordered one word.

"Kunai!"

o. o. o.

Kakashi reacted instinctively, knowing exactly what his teacher was talking about.

Before anyone could question what was going on, a unique looking three pronged kunai flew through the stadium and impacted the center of the arena.

o. o. o.

"Got it!" The moment the dagger hit the ground, the built in pressure seals in the tool went off, immediately signaling to Minato exactly where it was and that it had just been thrown. "Everyone set?!"

"Naruto and I are good!" Jiraiya nodded, both covered by a thin veil of the Kyubi's crimson power.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Kurotsuchi asked half confused, half worried for her grandfather. So much so that she didn't even care about being covered in the Kyubi's chakra.

"She means yes!" Roshi urged. "Now hurry up before I make sure you die a second time!"

Minato took no notice of the threat and flashed through several dozen seals with his remaining hand in a second. "Hiraishin!"

And in a flash they were gone…

o. o. o.

And in a flash, the Nine Tailed Fox appeared in the center of Konoha's arena.

Naruto Uzumaki was home earlier than expected.

And he apparently kidnapped the Tsuchikage.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Please note. This chapter is not Beta'd. I will replace it with the beta'd version as soon as I have it.

Son of A BITCH!

Ok. Ok.

… Ok.

Sorry. I'm really sorry it took so long for this to come out guys. Loads of things happened over the past couple of months that delayed me.

The biggest of which was that I was sick. Like, really sick, for about two weeks. I couldn't think or type for shit, or talk without coughing. It really sucked.

Then my birthday passed a couple of weeks ago. Yeah I'm… 30 now. God damn it. I mean, I have a good job, I don't have debt except for a mortgage that's being paid off by renting the thing out in the first place, and I have a pretty good amount of money saved up, but… son of a bitch I'm fucking 30! What the hell have I been doing with my life?!

Ghost: Writing fanfiction like a degenerate weeb.

Fuck you Ghost!

What else? Sekiro? Still kicking my ass because I'm terrible. Uh, parents visited during a plane layover, but their flight got delayed by a whole day so I had to set them up in a hotel and help manage that bag of worms.

FGO… time and money sink. CCC event is coming out this week so… there goes any chance of me seeing daylight.

Oh, and I play MTG, so the War of the Spark prerelease is this weekend too. Fuck.

Currently lamenting about how absolutely retarded the current state of media and the world is going. It's like puritans have suddenly obtained the infinity gauntlet and are trying to make everyone as mindless and hypocritical as they are.

Well, that or everyone is trying to kiss the Chinese gov's ass to try and get their stuff sold there because they're degenerate whores. Either or.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of how the Communist party has been doing things lately. Love the country, but the government is eeeeh. Then again, that's pretty much the story with most countries. Interesting culture. Crappy maintenance. The USA is no exception.

Ok. I'm gonna do one more chapter of TTRT, then switch to either FFD again or maybe do a couple of chapters of GAIWP for shits and giggles, then go back to FFD.

And again. Shameless Tshirt Plugins. These are up till May 6ish, so go get em while you can. Nothing new, but again, please support me if you want to. I'll put up the links on my profile (which needs serious updating anyways), so look there if you want.

Teespring website /the-book-of-the-log#pid=2&cid=2397&sid=front

Teespring website /demon-chicken-of-doom#pid=2&cid=2122&sid=front

Teespring website /tools-of-the-tr-september-2018#pid=2&cid=2397&sid=front

Teespring website /new-mcginty-s-mystic-moonshine#pid=2&cid=2122&sid=front

Oh. Speaking of updates. Can someone update the TV tropes pages for my stories? They haven't seen any love in a while. Thanks.

That's about it guys. Sorry it took so long this time. I'm really pissed off at myself for taking so long. Guess this is what I get for the sin of being old.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! IT'S FINALLY! FUCKING! OVER! AND REVIEW AGAIN!