Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

42. Chapter 41

Chapter Forty One: Something something new chapter something

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

"Sooo, how are we going to do this?" Naruto asked his travelling companions as they were escorted through Iwagakure, completely ignoring the wide range of looks they were getting from the populace. They mostly spanned from enraged to terrified, but there were a few hopeful ones aimed at Onoki. "Because I was thinking… Blagh?!"

The small fox's suggestion was cut short as Hinata used a handless jyuken strike from her chest to wreck his insides, the small creature belching out a small cloud of chakra in response. His head then twisted limply at an odd angle, his eyes looking at an empty space.

"Thank you," Tsunade muttered under her breath, while several of their companions nodded in agreement.

"Tsuchikage-sama, the Hyuuga…" One of the local ANBU looked ready to pounce at a moment's notice at the feeling of Hinata using chakra so suddenly.

"Leave it. If the girl has that bloody fox on her, ignore her using chakra like that. It's more of a headache for everyone if she doesn't keep it in check." Onoki grumbled with a tired look as he was escorted to his long missed office.

Well, long missed so long as he didn't remember how much paperwork he needed to catch up on.

"That fox, you mean…"

"What part of leave it didn't you get?" The old man's temper momentarily flared. "Last I checked, our people were stressed and tired, not deaf and retarded."

"S-sir!" The masked man quickly retreated.

Hiruzen tried to placate his peer to no avail. "Now now, Onoki, no need to take it out on the poor boy. Naruto has that effect on everyone."

For a brief moment, the Tsuchikage looked about to turn his rage on his former enemy. The moment passed however, and Onoki continued to float forwards. "Hiruzen, I dare you to be able to keep your temper if your shithole looked like this."

The old monkey grimaced, but held his tongue.

The people of Iwagakure watched the caravan of Shinobi travel from either side, and very few of them at that. While most shinobi villages weren't exactly social locations outside of the mercantile and civilian districts, they weren't supposed to be this subdued either. Eyes watched the group in bulk from around corners and from inside buildings. The village was quieter than it should be even with the sounds of construction and recovery from the recent invasion still underway, its people giving the Shinobis a wide berth.

"'S not right," Roshi grumbled as he held up his urn to his mouth. He didn't drink much. "Too damn quiet for a welcome home."

"That bastard priest," Kurotsuchi growled angrily as she noticed several children nearby looking like they wanted to talk to her, but too afraid to make a move. This never would have happened before.

It was worse than they had heard or thought. Between Ghost's "visit" and Hidan turning a good third of the village into a pain channeling sacrifice, the bulk of Iwa's population had been extensively traumatized. And that wasn't even counting the physical damages incurred from the battle.

By all rights, Onoki should be staying here for more than a few hours to help his village before heading for Iron. He was their Kage. They needed him now more than ever before. But at the same time, he was needed just as badly at the summit.

The fact that he knew the latter was just as important as the former utterly enraged the Tsuchikage to the point that his escort remained silent out of fear.

On the bright side, the populace didn't seem to be willing to do anything particularly stupid when they noticed the Konoha and Taki shinobi walking alongside their long missing leader.

They had almost made it to the Tsuchikage's office when they were met by an unexpected face.

"Y-you?" Hinata blinked in surprise.

Onoki frowned at his former general. "Sino. I thought you'd be in jail again with the rest of the idiots that rebelled. Or driven mad by the priest."

The fact that he didn't expect the man flat out dead underscored just how highly he appraised his abilities.

The stern man in his early fifties gave a shallow nod. "My loyalty has always been to Iwagakure. And our home needs all the support it can get right now. The matter of your leadership can be determined later."

"Humph." Onoki held up his prosthetic for everyone to see. "The matter of my leadership has only been moved up. Regardless, I still have matters to address before then. Hopefully you are patient enough to wait a bit longer."

"A pity. And here I thought that Konoha's vaunted Hokage was capable of healing such wounds. The fact that you had to rely on Suna for a substitute treatment is just more dirt in the wound."

Said Hokage crossed her arms under her bust, clearly not impressed with his backhanded comment. There was obviously some history between the two if their stares were any indication. "I see you haven't changed at all," she said. "Do put in some effort to sound disappointed the next time, Sino. Women on average tend to find men with a personality other than 'rock' actually appealing and interesting."

"Humph." The man turned to look at Hinata. "I believe you are known as the 'Princess of Konoha' now. You have turned out as I expected and feared. I suppose congratulations are in order, girl."

"I suppose so. I take it your lung as recovered, sir?" Hinata smiled diplomatically. The last time she encountered the man was during the Iwa prisoner breakout shitshow three years ago.

"It has." If he was insulted by the fact that she was the one responsible for him surviving with a single lung for over a year before the other finally healed properly, he didn't show it.

"Feh. You have to be shitting me. It all makes sense now." Roshi snorted bitterly. "Of course she's the one that you had to pick a fight with back then. For fucks sake Sino you have the worst luck with women I've ever seen. And I once went on a bender with Jiraiya."

The former general shot the jinchuriki a dark look. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

The redhead shrugged helplessly. "Girl's Uzumaki's unofficial leash back in Konoha. It takes a special sort to keep that brat in check. It's no wonder you got put down as hard as you did back then. She damn near scares everyone."

Hinata did what she did best to smile politely, as if she had not heard the offending party. Her mask of innocence would have worked better if Naruto's lifeless head didn't tilt slightly during the awkward pause, making the bones in his neck grind comically to break the silence.

"See what I mean?" Roshi held his argument, as if her reaction proved his point.

"That fox…" Sino's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Is not to be touched. He's caused enough headaches already Sino, and I'll be happy if you didn't give him an excuse to continue." Onoki floated past him, completely dismissing the man's suspicions and intents. "If you care at all for our people here, you will stand down."

Onoki's words touched a nerve if the man's fists were any indication. "You have some gall saying that after spending so much time with the enemy while our people struggled to recover."

"You make it sound as though Suna and Konoha sent aid purely out of good will," the Tsuchikage snorted dismissively as he continued onward. "You haven't changed at all Sino. You are a phenomenal warrior and leader of our forces, but you're more bull headed than the Raikage when it comes to diplomacy. We'd lose more customers, allies, and resources than we'd win battles if things went your way."

"And look what your methods have gotten us," Sino snarled. "Half our forces are scarred or crippled, and the other half are barely managing to keep the former together."

"Far be it from my place to interject, but I fail to see how the actions of an organization wanted by all Elemental Nations are Onoki's fault," Hiruzen interjected diplomatically. "The unrest of his tenure may have given them an opportunity, however placating the restless would have resulted in significant tensions between Iwa and Konoha, which would once again, open everyone up for them to act. It is known that Akatsuki was after the Biju. They would have attacked you eventually."

Truthfully, the only thing Onoki could be blamed for was employing Akatsuki for as long as he did and funding them.

"You sound awfully confident they would not have gone after Konoha first," Sino accused dangerously.

The former Kage took it in stride with a shrug. "Thanks to our resources, we knew that they needed to obtain the Kyubi last. However it didn't prevent us from preparing ahead of time and warning the other villages of what we had gathered. What they did with said information though was understandably up to them."

And of course, given the circumstances, Iwa as a whole wouldn't take their warning seriously.

"Sino, unless you want the monkey to perpetually and diplomatically say 'I told you so' and rub our faces in our own shit, I suggest you shut up already," Onoki grumbled as he saw several key groups of ANBU and medics approaching quickly. "It's hard enough to resist punching him on a good day."

The Kage had the feeling he would waste half his time trying to convince his people that Konoha didn't do something to screw with his mind. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him.

The other half was going to be blitzing through whatever emergency paperwork, reports, missives, and orders needed to get the village back to respectable functionality again.

He had tried to get as much done as he could from Konoha, but given the obvious security concerns, what little he could do was limited to generic maintenance sign offs, reports, and giving permission to allow his staff to act in his stead until his recovery.

He just hoped that his men hadn't fucked up as much as he feared they did, but given that Sino was walking around freely, he didn't have much faith in that outcome.

Hiruzen chuckled and rubbed his chin, lost in memories. "That takes me back. People remember you for your Dust Release, but not many know how nasty your right hook is."

"Simpler times indeed." Onoki smirked bitterly. "Back when all we needed to worry about was just a kunai in the back and a jutsu from the front."

"On that we can both agree," the third Hokage sighed, getting several nods of agreement from their entourage just as the ANBU and medics arrived.

"Tsuchikage-sama." An ANBU with a lizard mask bowed politely. "If you would please come with us."

"Just get it over with will you?" The old man grumbled irritably. "We all know I have a load of work to get through and then it's straight to Iron of all places. My joints are going to kill me before any supposed plots on my life by the time this is all over."

"You could always retire," Hiruzen, Kurotsuchi, and Roshi said at the same time, though with different tones. The fact that none of them were even surprised by the others actions went to show just how used to the idea they were.

"I'll get to it when I'm no longer terrified that the person after me won't screw this village up before I die in said retirement!" The old man snapped as he was escorted away. "And so help me if anyone starts some mess before I get back!"

"Yeah yeah, Dust release up the colon," Kurotsuchi waved him off, ignoring the looks she was getting from friend and foe alike. "We heard you the first ten times. Stubborn old geezer."

"Before matters have a chance to devolve in one way or another, could we by chance see my assistant and students?" Tsunade stepped forward. "They were among the volunteer medical corps that arrived a while ago. I want to know if there are any patients that would benefit from my assistance."

It took a moment for many of the locals there to remember that the current Hokage happened to be one of if not the most renowned medic in the Shinobi Nations. And that Iwagakure, even a month and a half after the devastation of the invasion, still needed all the expert help it could get.

"Chiyo-baa." Gaara glanced at his elder.

"Eh? You say something?" The old woman tried to pretend to play senile, but unlike Naruto, she couldn't win against his literally unwavering stare after a good ten seconds. "Tch. You're no fun."

"You've never won that game against Gaara, why did you think you'd be able to win now?" Kankuro asked bluntly, only to get suckerpunched by the old woman for his sass. "What happened to being senile?!"

"It comes and goes, like your dignity," Temari said with a smirk.

"The boy and I will come with you, Slug Princess," Chiyo huffed. "I have no love for this place, but seeing the people here so pathetic leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Your people might have covered the basics, but you lot are still novices compared to Suna when it comes to prosthetics, poisons, and mycology. The body acts differently than normal when parts are removed you know."

"I'll make sure my girls know you said that. They'll consider it a challenge." Tsunade smirked. "Of course the game can only start after we all have a pleasant reunion and they can say hello to a certain someone that's responsible for our current situation."

Naruto didn't whimper or display any fear. His only reaction was to drop his head at a slightly deeper and more visually painful angle, his neck letting out a concerning sound.

"Hinata, please make sure he doesn't try to kill himself in an attempt to get out of dealing with his justifiably angry friends." The Hokage sighed.

"Wait, what did she just say?" One of the Taki jonin whispered confused. Judging from the gazes of several Iwa and Taki shinobi, he wasn't the only one thrown off guard.

"Don't ask." Conversely, all the shinobi from Konoha and Suna saw absolutely nothing wrong with her orders.

"Hai Tsunade-sama." Hinata smiled kindly as she grabbed Naruto's furry skull with one hand and jerked it back to a more reasonable angle with a harsh snap that made a couple of people wince.

"Seeing him like this almost makes me pity him." Kurotsuchi sighed reluctantly before shaking her head and turning to a familiar ANBU. "Snake. Can you take us to where the foreign humanitarian aid parties are stationed? Or is it better if we just set up here?"

"You know that doing the latter would just piss off your grandfather." The muscular man laughed, though it didn't have the bravado that it did before. "I'll lead the way. It's just on the edge of the village near where the worst of the fighting took place. We put them there in case we needed them to examine Ground Zero or where the priest used that sick jutsu of his in depth. We'll have to take a slightly roundabout route though."

"Is there a problem?" Roshi frowned, concerned.

"The jutsu's gone and the fighting's stopped, but those places still put everyone on edge," the ANBU shivered. "I was… caught up in a bit of it. Tried to get some civilians out of the ritual circle, but the next thing I knew… anyways, that part of the village is empty right now. Nobody can get in there without their hairs standing on end and hearing twisted voices in their head. Barely anything we do lessens the effect. It wasn't until those girls from Konoha came over using that Presence trick of yours that we managed to see anyone get further than fifty meters without running out again. Even then the girls would only go in if we had no other option. Resources and documentation and the like. They liked being in there almost as much as we did."

Kurotsuchi clicked her tongue in frustration. A quick glance at Roshi told her that he was also at a loss regarding the matter. If it really was that bad then Iwa would unfortunately have to ask yet another favor of Naruto to address it. Or worse, the Oogakari.

"What about where the worst of the fighting took place?" Sasuke asked. "That's outside the village walls, right?"

"Yeah. And it's more bearable than where that curse jutsu took place. But it's still creepy." The ANBU sighed, clearly glad for the change in topic. "Not even taking into account that the entire landscape's completely different, the wind there's all messed up. There's no real pattern to which way it blows at a given moment, and more than one person will swear that it plays with them, whispering words that you barely can't make out and laughing just behind your head. Puts everyone on edge there, but it's nowhere near as bad as the other place. Only real annoying parts about it are reorganizing the defenses around the village and the occasional random storms of dust that it blows over it."

"Small mercies I suppose." Kakashi lazily glanced at Naruto, who didn't seem to react at all to the reveal. "At the very least, I'm pretty sure we can address some of those peculiar problems during our short stay here."

"Anything to lessen our load here would be appreciated." The ANBU nodded. "The past month has been difficult, as you can tell."

"We can imagine. While it doesn't compare to what you had to go through, we had our own trials." Sasuke snorted. "We weren't exactly expecting to have a foreign and mortally wounded Kage, his granddaughter, and the jinchuriki of the Yonbi to pop up in the middle of our village like that. Every person with a hint of common sense in the village was scared stupid out of the potential diplomatic shitshow we were in."

"You're joking. So that's where he vanished to? Dead center of Konoha? I thought that rumor was just more paranoid bullshit that was being thrown around." The ANBU barked out a laugh, though he was one of the few that found it amusing. The man's laughter didn't last long though. "So I'm guessing that the rumor that the brat can use his old man's Hiraishin was true too."

"Sure. Let's go with that." It probably wouldn't be for the best to spread word that the consciousness of the dreaded Fourth Hokage was still alive and well inside his son's soul, and could be brought out at a moment's notice inside the very traumatized and alert village that hated him the most.

"Ghaaaa," Naruto gargled absently.

"Naruto quiet," Hinata chided him. "Don't make a scene."

"What did he say?" Kurotsuchi whispered to Fuu.

"Something about plants, teeth thorns, and lots of fire. Pure gibberish as far as I could tell." The Jichuriki shrugged helplessly as she looked at her friend's reactions. They couldn't make heads or tails of it either.

"So the usual nonsense then?"

"Just about."

"It would be best if we all stayed together for the duration of our stay," Gaara advised. "As powerful as our entourage is individually, it would not do well to encourage anyone here to do anything that would disturb the peace."

"That means tenfold for you Naruto," Sasuke deadpanned at his best friend.

The fox's head tilted to an unhealthy angle again as a response.

"Naruto, we've been over this," Hinata sighed as she twisted his head back to a safe rotation. "You can't keep trying to kill yourself to get away from your problems. You're not Ghost-sensei."

"Yeesh," Snake laughed slightly uncomfortably. "And here I thought I had a good grasp of the kid's eccentricities after he visited us earlier."

"If only." Several of the guests sighed in minor depression.

As the bulk of the convoy to Iron walked through Iwa, escorted by ANBU, Sino stayed behind with a small scowl on his face. He had no intention of making nice with the shinobi from other villages, and the idea of pretending that all was well only irritated him further.

It was probably for the best that the Daimyo of the land of Fire was hidden and floating twenty meters above the village. There was no telling what might have happened if people knew if that high profile target was in their home…

o. o. o.

"So what haven't you told me yet?" Onoki grumbled as he sat at his desk and read the pile of documents in front of him with a grimace. Words could not describe the mixed feelings he had being back at home and in the office again.

"Other than the financial, moral, and military crisis that we're undergoing?" One of the council members with him scoffed. "The Daimyo is seriously contemplating declaring war or usurping authority over the village until either the country calms down or someone explains to him what the hell is going on."

"Of course he is. Not that I can blame him." The Daimyo of the land of Earth was an aggressive man, though he would rather claim to be 'proactive.' He wasn't a bull headed idiot, but he was stubborn in a way that only the local populace could be.

"We have managed to postpone the worst of his suggestions for the time being, but he's losing patience," another elder added. Onoki frowned, and made a note that the council he currently had was roughly slashed by a third of its members. He'd probably be informed about the details later, but he already had an idea of what had happened. Yet another problem that would have to be addressed sooner rather than later. "We need to get word to him immediately, if not to dissuade him completely, then to obtain more time."

"Tell our Daimyo that I've had several productive and heavy conversations with the Fire Daimyo about this issue. There are a good deal of sensitive revelations and arrangements that will come to light in the near future. All the Daimyo will have much to discuss after the Summit, regardless of what the final consensus will be. It will be in his best interests to hold out a bit longer. If things go well, there may be a major economic upturn for our territory in the future that can upset these recent setbacks." Despite his calm and firm words, Onoki was cursing out Naruto a thousand ways in the back of his mind. He knew that odds were likely that kidnapping the Fire Daimyo would probably be useful at some point, but he wasn't fond of being in the boy's debt again so soon.

Fuck. Now he would have to research trains of all things before his next meeting with the Daimyo to really sell the idea so things wouldn't get out of hand.

"You spoke with... of course. Konoha's is also in question given the circumstances. I'll prepare a message immediately." An elder left accompanied by an assistant to forward Onoki's words.

"Several of our long term business partners are asking to renegotiate contracts," another elder came up. "They're trying to exploit us in our moment of weakness for more favorable conditions."

He waved her off with his new prosthetic hand. "Empty threats. If they claim that they're going to go to Konoha or Suna, tell them that there's a temporary accord between us to not steal one another's established clients, and the latter parties will be punished if they try to play us against each other. Remind them that Ame's been proven to house international terrorists too, so associating with them is against their best interests. Kusa and Taki's the only other competition in the area, and they're too small to make much of a dent in our bottom line. As for Ishi, they're barely a village to begin with. If those idiots want to try going to Kiri or Kumo, they'd have to pay a premium for the extra travel time, which they're trying to avoid. If they keep pushing it, remind them just how stupid it is to assume what a crippled shinobi can do."

The room was momentarily quiet as they all took note of the new order, but they quickly schooled their expressions.

"It appears that the time you spent in Konoha yielded some benefits after all." Another elder sighed in sullen irritation before smirking wryly. "Who would have thought that you'd manage to scrounge up enough social skills to gain us this many favors? Unless of course, you offered something else?"

"Hold your tongue Tetsu. I still have one good hand to rip it out if you get too full of yourself." Onoki grunted irritably. The bastard from the Kinzoku clan, with the metal bloodline limit, had always been annoying, but he was clearly smelling blood in the water.

"Unless you forgot, we're in a bit of a situation right now and it could easily spill out of control internationally if idiots get full of themselves. Konoha is as interested as we are in stirring the pot now, and they've roped Suna into trying to keep everything from imploding. There have been agreements made, and more will finalize pending the Summit. There will likely be many major developments made internationally in the near future, though war is something that is being actively avoided if possible. We need to be prepared to ride this change to hasten our recovery and regain our strength, even if it means accepting outside help."

"To what end, Onoki? Are we to bow to the other villages like Suna does for Konoha? Give them our secrets? Our resources? Our people?" One elder scoffed…

… At least, he scoffed until a wave of pure killing intent flooded the room, shutting him and everyone else up instantly.

"Until I say otherwise, you are to give them your attention, your ears, and your focus," the Tsuchikage growled dangerously. "Until I am no longer explicitly accepted as your leader, you will do as I SAY and act according to your post for the sake of your village and your people. There is a time for pride, and there is a time for compromise and patience."

The room was dead quiet as he held them all in place with just his glare and irritation, daring any of them to argue against his declaration.

By the fifteen second mark, it had been made abundantly clear what their stance on the matter was, and what they were going to do.

The old man sighed and sagged in his seat. With his good hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose to calm down. "Before anyone tries to annoy me more, I believe I need to correct this stupid idea you seem to have. Konoha is not behind this mess that we've been stuck in, and I'm not roped into it. Rather, they were merely the ones that got wind of something happening soon and were the first to react to it. Change is coming to our lands, whether we like it or not. The kind we unfortunately cannot simply ignore, bury, blow up, or stab it in the skull with a kunai and call it a day."

"And they did not believe it was prudent to warn us until now?" One elder scoffed, albeit with little heat.

"They didn't have the proof or means to back up such ridiculous claims, until now," the Tsuchikage rebuked him. "And I'm confident that all of us have witnessed at least some of that proof as of late."

"They convinced you to follow their agenda," another elder probed with a sour expression.

"Of course not you idiot."

Time travel? Dimensional travel? Gods? Just one of those things would be hard to swallow. All that and more? Nonsense. Even if they were telling the truth, there was only so much he could take. At best the Leaf had showed him enough so far to acknowledge that something vastly beyond the norm was happening that could not be addressed by normal means.

"They convinced me that they're spooked enough to believe that something troublesome is coming. And with all the headway they've been making all over the place, it's obvious to everyone and their pet cats that something is going on and needs our attention. And honestly? I hope that whatever they're going to spring on us is worth the time. At least that way it'll distract the other villages from us so we can recover with minimal distractions. Or does anyone believe that we are in a condition to potentially handle a third village wide cataclysm in the near future?"

Judging from the awkward ten seconds of silence, no, none of them did believe they were prepared to have their asses handed to them again from out of nowhere.

"What are the odds that it could all be a trick to finish us off or exploit us?" A more stubborn elder warned.

Onoki shook his head. "They committed an absurd portion of their emergency foreign aid to supporting us, and have been in direct contact with the Daimyo to get him invested in this nonsense as well. Everyone knows that Konoha puts in an absurd amount of effort into their public image. More so now that everyone's eyes are on them. This goes far beyond the norm for them and people have noticed. Question their motives all you want, but please remember that we have the dignity of having rival major villages that aren't stupid."

On that they could all agree. Stereotypes existed for a reason. Certain impressions were made in civilians' minds whenever the major villages were brought up. Kumo was powerful and assertive. Suna was crafty and resourceful. Kiri was cunning and efficient. Iwa was stubborn and robust. But Konoha? Konoha was diverse and approachable. They were easy to get along with. To go against that public image in such a major way was near suicide.

"Humph." One of the oldest in the room laughed bitterly and shook his head. "This is getting ridiculous. What has the world come to that we're relying on Konoha time and again for aid? And when they're half the reason we are in such a pathetic state? Spooked? Onoki, I was with you when Namikaze's child was aiding us prepare for Akatsuki's attack. Forgive me for saying this, but that fool is the sort that would run to his own grave on any given day as if it was a joke."

Onoki grimaced. "On that, I can't blame you. That idiot's the cause of so many headaches that it's practically become common practice of Konoha to apologize every time he opens his mouth."

"At least we're not the only ones he makes miserable." Another elder chuckled. On that they could all agree.

"Regardless of what we want, we will remain miserable for a while longer," The Tsuchikage grumbled. "At least you lot don't have to continue dealing with the brat in person the entire time."

"If you don't try to kill him by the time you get back, I won't know whether to commend you or be disappointed," an elder joked, getting a round of honest chuckles this time.

"Don't bother. If anyone manages to pull it off, it's going to be from Konoha. They deserve it more than anyone. You can see it in their eyes." Onoki smirked, getting more laughs.

Good. He needed to lighten the tone in the room. Bring up confidence and ease tensions. He couldn't be considered much of a leader if he couldn't do that much… that said…

"Haaah," the old man let out a tired sigh as his smile and shoulders dropped. "Speaking of misery, I think it's about time we discussed the elephant in the room and get it over with."

"Meaning?" An elder asked, confused.

"My retirement. Of course." Onoki lifted his artificial hand. "The invasion hastened things, but this right here is the final nail in the coffin. Even with Suna's unwanted generosity, I can't stay as Iwa's face and pillar of power for much longer and maintain its dignity."

The room was dead quiet. The Fence Sitter had spent years fighting against this very idea, firmly declaring that he wouldn't budge until he had someone that wouldn't run the village into the ground. For him to admit defeat like this was unexpected and concerning.

"As you know, I have been preparing Kurotsuchi as my successor, but she is still far from ready for the position. Both in experience and power, but make no mistake, she has the capacity for what we need, what Iwa needs, in the future. That said, I know that you all have doubts and preferences. You've all made it abundantly clear with all your backhanded comments and deals as of late. As a compromise, I'll allow one of your alternate candidates to accompany me to the summit in my guard. Both for experience and as a test. What will be discussed will likely have Iwa's future at stake, and it will be a good experience for any successor to witness firsthand what it means not only to be a Kage, but to deal with the others."

"Is this some sort of trick? What are you playing at Onoki?" One of his most staunch critics glared at him warily. "Kurotsuchi is your favorite. Why are you dangling this bait in front of us now?"

"It's no joke or trick. It is your test." Their leader held his ground firmly. "You lot have been complaining for years that I need to retire, no doubt some to get some fingers onto some more power. Well here's your opportunity to actually earn it legitimately without any pointless plots or tricks, if any of you have bothered to do more than just mouth off this entire time. You want a new Kage? You don't think Kurotsuchi has the potential for the hat? Then show me who you think would actually be able to do the damn job and I'll drag their useless ass in front of the other Kage in a trial by fire along with my granddaughter to see if either one has the bare minimum to stand among the strongest."

The sudden proposal, no, demand of the Tsuchikage caught the small congress by surprise.

"You would seriously grant your support to someone of our choosing," one of the few female elders in the room voiced what the others were thinking.

Onoki nearly rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Don't sound so bloody bewildered Yoko. Everything I've done was for Iwa's benefit and future and this is no different. I can't fulfill my duties much longer as I am, but I still have the authority to dictate, determine, and ensure that the poor idiot that takes my place can actually do the job and isn't some pathetic puppet that will get everyone killed."

Personally, he doubted that they had anyone that was up for the task. Iwa did have some strong shinobi on hand, but that was it. They were strong, skilled, and good at leading forces in battle, but nearly all of them were absolute shit when it came to management and politics. In fact, Iwa had a branch of the military specifically geared for international relations that did little actual fighting specifically for this reason.

Still, this was a great way to shut them all up once and for all and make Kurotsuchi's path slightly easier. Odds are whoever these fools with pick wouldn't be up to snuff, and if, or when they fail to meet expectations, they would have no ground to stand on.

Of course, he'd have to make sure that they didn't play dirty and sabotage Kurotsuchi as well, but that went without saying.

The world was changing soon, whether he liked it or not. By how much he had no clue, but Iwagakure needed someone flexible and with the right connections if they were to get through the oncoming years. And as of right now, the only person he could think of that had a hope in hell of pulling it off was his granddaughter.

"Show me who you think would be able to stand next to the other Kage and make us feel strong against other villages, warlords, and all the monsters in the woods. Because I assure all of you, Summit or not, things will change soon… and the last thing we need is an idiot in charge that can't take advantage of it."

o. o. o.

"So can anyone tell me what our idiot going to do here?" Sakura asked in a tone that said that she almost didn't want to know. "And please tell me that it isn't going to make things worse."

Fuu snickered nervously as she watched Naruto, in normal human form, slowly walk his way to the heart of the chaos. The rest of the Taki shinobi, Gaara, Temari, Hiruzen, Sasuke, Kakashi, Hinata, Sakura, Ino, Shizune, Madoka, and the ANBU escorting them all watched the Uzumaki curiously.

Kurotsuchi and Roshi had been escorted to have their own medical examinations separate of Onoki shortly after the latter left. Tsunade, Kankuro and Chiyo weren't around because they were temporarily taking over and working on the worst case victims that even Sakura and the other volunteers couldn't handle.

While Fuu did put up a good front, it was all in an attempt to not be completely overwhelmed by just how utterly devastated and twisted the landscape was.

Not that anyone blamed her. Most of the others were in a similar state.

It was one thing to see it happen real time from a screen. It was another to be there in person.

They were supposed to be in the middle of a mountain range. Technically, they still were.

But it was unlike any mountain range she had ever been in or imagined.

First of all, they were in an absolutely titanic crater that could fit at least two or three average sized mountains in it in the first place.

Then there was the fact that nearly all of the would-be normal mountains in view had their tops cleaved clean off all on the same level.

And finally, one couldn't miss the enormous canyon around which the landscape spiraled around. It went on for so long that she couldn't see the end of it, giving it an eerie alien-like appearance.

Her hair flowed behind her, and she had a hard time not trying to scratch at it.

Oh yeah, and those rumors about the wind being creepy as hell around here weren't an exaggeration. It annoyed everyone in the area… quite fitting considering that said current was some spiritual cast off from Naruto to begin with.

The utter scale of what she saw was just… unreal.

It was a good thing that they had met up with the volunteer medical teams earlier and witnessed Sakura and Ino scare the ever loving shit out of Naruto with their usual banter. The light hearted and comical scene helped lessen the frankly overwhelming and unnerving feeling they were experiencing now.

Even the usually unflappable Daimyo, now that he was no longer in public, was eerily quiet and stoic as he took in his surroundings.

The closest thing any of them could compare it to was the Valley of the End, and the fact that it came to mind in the first place only sent more chills down their collective spines.

The only people that weren't unnerved by the environment were the ANBU, Sakura, Ino and Shizune on the part of being here several times already and knew what to expect.

Hiruzen carefully chose his words as his eyes glazed over the marred and abused stone. "I wager he is inspecting the aftereffects of his jutsu on the area. Regardless of the specifics, I must commend the results. Naruto has outdone himself this time. Few people could cause so much destruction."

Gaara frowned with his arms crossed as usual. "Even I would struggle to change the surroundings to this degree had I been in the desert."

"This place is messed up, even for something coming from Uzumaki." Temari held onto her fan, Ramidreju. It was made by Scabbard and normally made her confident that she could overcome almost any situation if it happened to be wind based, but here… no. No, she could tell that she'd be little more than a toy to the elements here. The air currents made absolutely no sense and followed a logic of their own, constantly changing and shifting in patterns and flows that were impossible under normal circumstances. She had no hope of commanding any wind within these lands.

"Naruto, take care not to make things worse, will you?" Kakashi joked lightly, but the slight waver in his voice betrayed his fear that Naruto might do otherwise.

"Yeah yeah, I get it," the blonde grumbled while waving them off with the hand that wasn't holding onto his crutch. "You guys are freaked out and it's my fault. Stop rubbing it in already."

"Like hell we are Uzumaki." Ino crossed her arms and smirked. "You signed the agreement, remember? We're entitled to rub it in as much as we want whenever you fuck up this much and there's no immediate danger nearby."

Naruto turned and looked at her smirking mug with a dead expression that lasted for several long seconds.

"…"

And then for several more long seconds.

Long enough that those that knew Naruto started to develop a sense of dread.

"Uh…"

"Shhh." Naruto cut Ino off with an overly dramatic serious tone. "I am contemplating."

"Oh shit." Ino paled.

"You have only yourself to blame for pushing the limits of the accords, Ino-pig," Sakura sighed, "You knew he's allowed to retaliate."

"Why aren't you in deep then forehead?!" Ino hissed.

"I didn't rub his face in the rules and try to lord over him with them. You know he'd take it as a personal challenge."

"Damn it!"

"Is he usually like this?" One of the Taki Jonin asked Temari, one of the clearly sanest and approachable people present.

"Unfortunately. Best thing to do is to keep quiet and be a wall flower when he's around to avoid the worst of his stupid. Not perfect advice, but it's the best you're going to get." The Kazekage's sister sighed, knowing that she had just jinxed herself.

"Naruto, we're on a schedule that's actually important this time. Torture Ino later. You can't go overboard anyways. You're in shit condition and Iwa's a shit place to go ham." Sasuke rolled his eyes. Truth be told, he suspected Naruto's stalling in itself was his trolling to freak Ino out with the suspense.

"Fine," the eccentric sighed. He was actually debating whether or not to bring up the gimp mask he gave Choji. On the one hand, it was a perfect ego body blow to whip it out like that. On the other, not only would he get flack for bringing it up, but Hinata would find out, and the girl was hungry on a normal day. Giving her ideas, even if he supported them later on, would make her utterly terrifying for the rest of the trip.

Looking up to the sky, he started to pay closer attention to the fragments of his 'self' up in the environment.

"Hmmm." He lifted his free hand up as if to touch something…

The only indication that he noticed something happen was his fingers twitching slightly.

He didn't do anything else though. He didn't have to.

In an instant, he was surrounded by Sakura, Hinata and Sasuke.

With a seemingly light step, the ground beneath Sakura's foot cratered.

With an even lighter step, the earth under Hinata's shattered like glass.

Sasuke on the other hand, casually stabbed his lightning charged sword into the dirt, discharging its power downward and disrupting what waited underneath.

What was even more interesting was how the stones around the three shinobi seemed to recoil from their actions like waves as they repelled the Earth techniques before they had time to manifest.

"Who's there?!" Snake shouted instantly on guard with a kunai out. "Show yourselves!"

"I suggest you come out now." Hiruzen politely advised. "We have two Sharingan users, a Byakugan user, and a Yamanaka in our party. There is little point in hiding… or is this some poor attempt at a suicide mission?"

"To hear the vaunted peace loving Professor utter such blunt words. Time truly is a harsh and vile thing." Sino almost chuckled bitterly as he appeared seamlessly from the ground with his arms crossed as if he had nothing to hide. He gave the three shinobi that protected Naruto an appraising look. "It appears that Konoha isn't completely full of itself, dragging so many children into such a sensitive event. The Hyuuga and the Uchiha I can understand, but that medic too... the Hokage's a conniving woman, slipping in a monster with her strength into our village right under our noses."

"My my. I'd be a bit more careful with my words there, Sino. Hypocrisy isn't very popular these days with the new generation." Somehow, Kakashi was somehow already standing just a few feet behind the offender with a casual eye smile, his headband up, and a kunai in hand.

"Sharingan Kakashi. As if you're any better. Anyone that digs into your record would know you're one of the last people to talk about peace." If Sino was at all surprised by Kakashi's appearance, he didn't show it. "Stop embarrassing yourself and put your blade away. If that jutsu was enough to get past your guard and kill the boy, I would have assumed that you intended to kill him at some point during the trip yourselves."

"Well, it is Naruto, so our decision on his fate varies depending on what time of day it is." Despite the seemingly casual joking tone, Kakashi did put away his kunai.

"I know where you store your porn Cyclops and I am very capable of critiquing its contents in public," Naruto absently riposted while still reaching out to the sky, his expression slowly growing more focused.

"Exhibit A," the man sighed.

Sino scoffed. "If I didn't know better, I'd assume you were trying to use reverse psychology on me to keep him alive to make you suffer."

"You wouldn't be the first," Ino muttered under her breath.

"Getting back on track, care to tell us what you were planning Sino?" Hiruzen stepped in with a kind smile on his face that, while disarming, fooled no one. "You are a notoriously prideful and loyal man to Iwagakure, but you are no fool. You know what would have happened had your attack succeeded."

Sino held his ground firmly. "And leave that nightmare of Namikaze's son to his own devices? Age has made you senile, Hokage. What is he going to do to Iwagakure's lands this time? Kicking dirt into our wounds isn't your style."

As if to underscore his statement, the air around everyone grew slightly heavier and active, as if to underscore that irregular weather was on the way.

"Calm down you idiots," Naruto muttered with some annoyance just loud enough to be heard by everyone else.

"That's quite a statement given your own actions, boy." Sino slowly took a stance and began to gather chakra, ready to move at a moment's notice.

"I suggest you take his advice," Kakashi amicably suggested in contrast to the kunai that returned to his hand. "You are notably outnumbered here, Sino. Like you said, Iwa has suffered enough as it is. No need to add your name to the list of casualties."

Before matters could escalate, an annoyed, loud, and childish groan came from Naruto.

"Oh for, I wasn't talking about you idiots."

The blonde tapped his crutch on the ground and emitted a wide pulse of chakra that expanded in every direction.

Almost instantly the tense and stifling atmosphere that had been steadily ramping up around everyone and adding to the increasing tensions vanished.

More interestingly were the new additions: dozens of palm-sized pseudo-fox like wisps of gas and wind that were now visible and floating around everyone.

"The hell?" Sasuke frowned as he tried to take in the new additions to their surroundings. "This is, new."

"I didn't see them before." Hinata was just as perplexed, turning on her doujutsu to try and examine the seemingly playful little sprites.

"Naruto? Care to explain what's going on?" Sakura looked around warily.

"Well, these little bastards are more or less the leftovers of yours truly after all the fighting, and then left alone long enough to develop some minor sentience of their own," Naruto elaborated with a tired sigh. "Unfortunately, from what I can tell, they also have a tiny bit of influence from that prick of a priest mixed in them as well. Not much. It's around a fourteen one split my way, but it's enough to make them somewhat unpleasant to be around for long periods of time or in large numbers. Which, in turn, is why this area's been so difficult to deal with. Cheeky things get off on making people genuinely uncomfortable."

"Well if there was any question as to who their father was before…" Sakura rolled her eyes before examining the foxy wisps. She had to admit, they were pretty cute. Each one could fit into the palm of her hand, and while they somewhat resembled Naruto when he turned into a fox, these were clearly smaller, younger, and appeared more silver in color.

"Can you get rid of them?" Snake asked warily as he watched one float uncomfortably near his head.

"Not now. Even if I wanted to, my body's a wreck. If they weren't already developed this much, I might have been able to reintegrate their power back into me, but that's not an option now." Naruto sighed, completely unperturbed as almost a third of the sprites started to circle around him and poke his body in some capacity. "That said, I do have a couple of ideas that might work if the cranky old geezer is up for it."

"And put Iwagakure more into your so called debt despite being the source of this issue in the first place?" Sino frowned.

"Oh grow up already." the blonde rolled his eyes, surprisingly mimicked by half the spirits there that seemed to share his exact feelings on the man. "These little shitlings are annoying, but they can be useful if you work with them right. The battleground is more or less the only place they can manifest or live outside of wherever I am. It's their home. And like we just proved, it's near impossible to detect them with conventional methods."

"You want them to serve as a security measure for the village." Hiruzen mused curiously. "An interesting suggestion."

Naruto shrugged as he gently played with a couple of sprites that flew endlessly around his hand. "Security measure. Barrier. Fuck, this place could wind up as an extreme training ground for all I care. Actually, that latter bit might be the most useful. These guys are active little nasties and need constant interaction if they're going to behave. Having a good fight or training session here once or twice a week will keep them happy and under control and make them willing to listen."

"Will they listen?" Sasuke probed with a hint of amusement. "They're your brats after all."

"I can make them." The blonde's nonchalant answer sent a minor chill down some of their spines and disturbed even the spirits.

"Naruto's children…" Hinata's eyes turned glassy as her mind turned to places that few people dared to come near. Even the sprits were put off if their sudden fleeing from her was anything.

"Down girl." Ino chided.

"Anyone in Iwa a decent summoner?" Naruto asked as he eyed the twisted canyon he made. "I'm talking about someone that's got a good relationship with the Boss and elders of their contract."

"I am." Sino frowned. "I have only spoken to the elders of the mole contract twice, but I am close to the Boss, Jishin. His son is the one I am most familiar with in their clan. What nonsense are you planning Namikaze?"

"Natural energy nonsense." The blonde didn't pay his accusation any mind. "The flow of it here is a bit messed up which adds to why the feel of the area and the weather makes people uncomfortable on top of these fox spirits messing with the locals, but it can be tweaked to make a pretty strong natural barrier for the village. I can't do anything to fix the damage, but I was thinking of setting up a safe pathway through the valley for conventional traveling for trade and civilians. If done right it could act like a safe and natural road that has weird shit happening on its sides. That said, it'll need occasional maintenance, and I'm pretty sure the less I come here the better."

"There were rumors that you are actually a Sage. Are they true?"

"They're true, Sino." Hiruzen nodded. "If you are familiar with the requirements, then you know that being a Jinchuriki conveniently addresses the chakra capacity issue despite his young age. In fact, he surpassed Jiraiya to the point that my student redoubled his training in the field for the sake of his pride."

"Of course it would take a child to make that fool actually be productive." Sino closed his eyes and mentally debated with himself before clicking his tongue and making a few seals. "Summoning."

In a cloud of smoke, a giant mole that Hinata immediately recognized appeared. "Sino, what's…" That was as far as the creature got before its surroundings caught its attention and caused it to freeze. "The hell happened here?"

"Too much by half," his partner dryly stated. The unfortunate thing was that he wasn't joking in the slightest. "And that's before noting that Namikaze's here. Again."

It immediately turned to look at Naruto, and despite being almost completely covered in fur, sans the jacket and headband he wore, everyone could see him pale instantly. "Sino, I don't know what you think that guy is, but he sure as hell isn't human."

"He's a headache," Sakura said.

"He's annoying," Sasuke shrugged.

"He's a pain in the ass," Ino deadpanned.

"He's mine," Hinata stated with certainty.

"He's what we have," Hiruzen chuckled shamelessly.

"Explain," Sino ignored the audience.

"Don't know how to put it other than the fact that pretty much every drop of natural energy above ground here's at his beck and call. If the elders saw this… wait, Sino, you said that this kid's Namikaze right?"

"I did. Your point?"

"Word is that the Toads have recently been spreading some warning around to the other clans about their summoner. Something big. Elders and Boss ears only. General consensus was to try and maintain neutrality unless absolutely necessary. I thought it was just more political nonsense."

"And now?" Sino probed.

"Never ignore a senile old fart when they're not being senile, because odds are it's worse than you think." The mole's claws twitched erratically, whether in preparation to fight or escape was anyone's guess.

"I hear you." Naruto surprisingly gave the mole a look of genuine comradery and sympathy. "The toad elders are a couple that argue more than they talk regardless of time and place, the great toad sage didn't know where he was most of the time, and Gamabunta is, well, a mob boss."

"Fucking elders." Kongen smirked nervously. Truth be told, one of the mole elders was blind, had a panic attack each week on the account of forgetting she couldn't see anymore.

"Mmm. Too true." Naruto nodded.

"Kongen, focus," Sino grunted. "He says something about the flow of natural energy here being altered here. Is it true?"

"Sino, I can't tell jack with this kid around," the mole flatly stated. "I doubt any Senjutsu user would be able to use a single technique near him so long as they were above ground. I've never seen or heard of anything like this before in my life."

"Whoops, sorry about that. The toad elders complained about it too when I saw them." Naruto scratched his head with one hand before closing his eyes and focusing on something before tapping his crutch on the ground again. "How's this?"

To all the humans there, nothing had changed, but to the mole, something clearly did.

"Better, but… this place is really off." The mole's eyes squinted and his nose pointed up in the air. Despite his tough nature, the sight of his whiskers twitching and his nose glistening made him look almost cute to the girls there. "The natural energy in the air here is moving all over the place…"

With a quick few swipes, the mole dug more than twice his height into the ground, almost instantly burying himself, and sniffed there as well. "The earth is beaten to hell. Leylines too somehow, but there's power here. Foreign, but still loads of it. Honestly, I'd call an elder or two here for them to get a second opinion on all this."

"Then get them. Tell them whatever it is you have to in order to hurry it up."

"You serious?"

"The boy is leaving by the end of the day. I want confirmation that he isn't simply spewing the madness he's infamous for. If he's really trying to fix the problem he started, then the sooner he's done the better." The man's no nonsense tone had not changed in the slightest, however it was apparent to those that knew what to look for that it hurt Sino's pride to say them.

The summon looked at his partner skeptically for a few moments before nodding. "Right. It'll take me a bit to get to the geezers. They live in the deepest parts of the Den, but I'm pretty sure I'll be back within the hour. Try to keep your temper in check till then partner."

And with that the creature vanished the same way it had appeared.

"I don't understand. Why is Sino going along with this after attacking Uzumaki?" Shibuki turned to Gaara and Temari. "I thought he didn't trust Konoha."

"He doesn't," Temari replied. "He trusts his summons though."

"His summons?"

"It's something that only those with strong relationships with their contracts understand," Temari elaborated, recalling her contract with the weasels. "Even if the contracted species are enemies in any capacity, the story always changes once the elders of the clans are involved. Calling out Boss summons was the sign of a strong shinobi, but being able to call out an elder was the sign of someone to be respected and feared. Those ancient monsters are at bare minimum a few centuries old and are as powerful as Kage. In fact, they were the standard of exceptionally powerful shinobi clans and groups before villages even existed. Elders don't move unless something far more important than the shinobi world is at stake, so village politics barely ever enters the picture whenever they say or do anything."

"I see. So if the elders of the mole contract do react to Uzumaki's request…"

"Then it means that his word has enough clout for Sino to at least hear him out," Gaara finished the sentence.

Nearby, the hidden Daimyo of the land of Fire quietly listened in on the conversation and digested what he learned. This trip was proving to be more enlightening than he had originally anticipated. He would have to make a point to do more research into shinobi politics and culture when he came back…

Poof.

Sooner than expected, Kongen appeared again in a larger cloud of smoke…

… Next to a shriveled up old shrew of a mole not even a quarter his size, wrapped in a shroud, and heavily leaning on a cane with the dusty gray fur on her head wrapped-up in a bun. Judging from her cloudy eyes and sunk in mouth, she was both blind and toothless, and yet her ebony claws held a muted shine to them that sent chills down the spine of anyone that looked at them carefully.

"That was fast." Shibuki blinked in surprise, voicing everyone else's thoughts. It hadn't even been ten minutes since the younger mole left.

"Where is he?!" The old crone of a summon snapped. "Where is that brat of that thieving warted bat of Shima's?!"

"Oh god there's another one," Naruto groaned. And here he thought that Ma and Pa were the only elders that were cranky as sin on a good day.

"You're the one that called for her kid." Kongen smirked somewhat apologetically before getting smacked in the face by his elder's cane. "Gah! Son of a!"

"No backsass Kongen! I'm blind not deaf!"

"Yes granny," the mole grumbled behind a muffled paw.

"That's an elder?" Shibuki voiced what those not in the know were thinking… and then got clocked in the head by a piece of rock the old shrew flicked his way. "Ow!"

"What part of 'I'm not deaf' don't you brats understand?! This is why I hate dealing with this generation! No respect at all for their betters!"

"Niwa-sama, about Namikaze-" Sino tried to get the elder on track only to be interrupted as well as she stuck her cane in his face.

"And YOU Sino-boya are still the same stiff piece of granite as ever! You don't ever do a damn thing or talk to anyone unless you must or it's an order! You're more of a shut-in than we are! Would it kill you to socialize with us once in a while!? Even a letter would do! All you ever do is summon this useless boy for fights and training, and you barely do that now!"

"I thought she was blind. What would a letter do?" Pow. "Ow! Again?!" Shibuki took the punishment for his audience commentary.

"My apologies Niwa-sama." Sino refrained from showing the discomfort of being smacked in the face by the stick, just as he refrained from acknowledging the looks of amusement and confusion he was getting from the audience… and the look of genuine comradery and pity he got from Namikaze.

"Tch. I keep telling you to stop with that sama nonsense and call me baba. What a poor child you are, unwilling to open up to those that care for you. This is why I don't like humans. They're all too distracted with their petty wars and pride. No room in their lives for their elders." Niwa sniffed with her long nose, before pausing…

And turned her milky white eyes to Naruto.

"Oh?" She sniffed a third time. "Well now. I thought that all that hubbub about Shima's latest brat being a magnet for disaster was little more than hot air, but I suppose that she could be right every once in a while. Come closer child. Let Niwa-baba get a good feel of you and that absolute travesty of a body you have. No doubt it's because of that thief's haphazard teachings that you ended like this."

"A-actually Pa was the one responsible for most of my Sage training when I was with them." Naruto laughed sheepishly, trying to pretend he wasn't being watched by everyone as he approached the elder.

"Humph. I suppose the toads have that much sense left in them. Fukasaku always was the most sensible of the lot, outside of pairing up with that loudmouth that is." Niwa huffed, her nose twitching some more and reaching out with a paw. "I still don't see how they would have allowed you to destroy yourself like this child. The way you've been torn apart and put back together, I'm surprised you are able to pass as human anymore."

"I've been told my luck is stupid. Emphasis on stupid." The blonde smiled with a hint of bitterness. "Unfortunately it was one of those end of the fight gambles. The guy I was up against was particularly nasty. He couldn't be allowed to be left alone to his own devices any longer. This is actually where we did most of the fighting."

"Hmmm. I see. I thought I smelled something unpleasant in the background…" The shrew continued to sniff around, her nose twitching as she turned her head left and right. "Old, no this is fundamentally ancient. A relic before relics. It's been a while since I smelled something like this. You must have had quite the task on your hands. Even with that nasty fox in you."

"He can hear you, just a heads up." Naruto's smile twitched as Kurama muttered about being hungry in his mind.

"So what? If he eats me, all he'll get is a mouth full of dust and indigestion from my bony hips." The crone cackled as she waddled closer to him and gently poked him with a claw. "Hmm. Oh, your foundation isn't surprisingly terrible for one of the Toads' kin. And yet in spite of both, you are clearly a monster of the sky itself. You're certainly a diverse one aren't you?"

"I've been around a few places and picked up a few things," Naruto nonchalantly admitted with knowing ambiguity. "Getting it all to work together is the real difficulty though."

"Hah. A headache better wasted on the young." Niwa grinned widely, revealing her toothless gums. "The weight and scars you carry are not an enviable load by half. The fact that you have yet to collapse, Sino-boya could learn a thing or two from you."

"You jest," her contractor scowled at the very idea of taking lessons from Naruto.

Whack!

A flick of her cane shot a bullet of stone that shattered against the General's head so fast the rock shattered before most even realized it had been fired off in the first place.

"It's that stubborn personality of yours that landed you in jail in the first place. Time wasted if you can't even understand why. Stone is rigid and powerful, but brittle and easy to break if enough pressure is applied. That is why the greatest of stones and formations are filled with cracks to allow for change, flexibility, and growth. A stone by itself is just a pointless rock. Who wants to be something useless and dull like that? Nobody and idiots! That's who! I keep telling you this boy, but you're skull might as well just be another rock! Strive for what the rock can be and what it can make, not for what the rock is. Foundation! Stability! Growth! Shelter! All these things and more! Rigid when needed, and pliable when needed. Don't settle for being a lump of dirt that happens to be hard to chew on! Even Kongen's managed to get past that, even if it took that slow child years longer than he should have."

"Leave me out of this." The younger mole lifted his paws up in surrender.

"No backsass!"

Clang!

Another bullet of rock bounced off of his forehead protector.

"Whew." He let out a breath of relief.

WHACK!

And was rewarded by his relaxed guard with a second bullet nailing his nose.

"God damn it!"

"Humph." Niwa scowled before turning her attention back to Naruto, yet not saying anything for several long seconds. "The younger fools never noticed, or pretended to ignore the signs, but us crones, we know. We felt it. We noticed. Something is amiss in our lands. The earth shudders far more frequently than it did and with far greater intensity than even in your so called warring states period. The soil is randomly saturated with the blood of a monster more shattered, powerful, and chaotic than any that can be spawned in this reality. And now you, a child that claims domain of above the world stand before us with the blessing of the Biju… I'd truly be a fool if I ignored the opportunity to speak with you, Toads or not, boya. The closest thing many of us have to compare this to is back in the old days before my own, before the Biju, when that demon tree appeared."

At the mention of the World Tree, the reaction of the shinobi there ranged from confused blinking to a minor twitch of recognition.

"You know of the Tree." Naruto sounded pleasantly surprised more than anything.

"Of course I do," Niwa grumbled. "Playing a role in stopping it with the Sage of Six Paths was that annoying blowhard Gammamaru's lone outstanding achievement as far as anyone's concerned, and the damn Toads never shut up about it for nearly five hundred years. Thankfully that shut-in rarely came out after a while and stuck to his damn hallucinations, or prophesies or whatever he called them. Though he doesn't say much if word of his passing is true."

"They're true." Naruto nodded, recalling hearing the outcome of the ancient toad's reaction to Ghost's powers some time back. He barely managed to keep Shion sane through the mess, and she was a healthy teenage girl. Gamamaru was a millennium old titan that looked like he was falling apart on a good day.

One of the Taki shinobi gasped in surprise. "The Sage of Six Paths? He was real?"

"Heh. Good to know." Naruto chuckled. "But, well, you could say that the Tree isn't unrelated to what happened here. There was a close call regarding it during the fight, but it was taken care of."

"Good. If the tales my elders regaled me when I was a pup were even close to accurate, then dealing with that overgrown bush would have been beyond troublesome to burn down."

"What's this supposed tree and an old myth have to do with anything?" Sino asked, somewhat annoyed that he couldn't follow the discussion.

"Later boyo, don't interrupt," Niwa chided him as she still focused on Naruto and quietly tapped one of her long claws on her cane. "You certainly are a troublesome pup. Sticking your nose into all sorts of places, just like those annoying toads. If I were to ask you what was going on these past few years, and what it meant, could you tell me? Would you?"

Naruto smiled. "Of course Niwa-baba. There's no reason not to."

"Mmm." Nodding more to herself than to Naruto's reply, the elder let out a tired sigh. "Very well then. Sage of the Toads, you shall have the Mole clan's support. For the time being at least."

"Elder-Niwa?" Kongen stumbled in surprise at her sudden decision.

"Great elder!" Sino was just as surprised.

They were interrupted as the old woman tapped her cane on the ground and caused a minor earthquake that caused more than a few people stumble for footing. "Quiet you two. This one's addressing problems that go beyond your petty human villages and politics. As much as I loathe to cooperate with one of Shima's, a prerogative needs to be followed."

"Do we need to rely on him to deal with these issues? Can't we do it ourselves?" Sino defiantly asked.

"Fool. If you lot couldn't even begin to figure out how to address the problems in this blasted crater, then you have no hope of even understanding what this unfortunate pup is planning to tackle next. You're looking at headaches so damn deep you can't even tell which way is up anymore. Know when you're able to dig through a mountain, know when it's better to go around it, and know how to identify the ones that you CAN dig through from the ones you can't. Stones for brains like you always have trouble with that last one, and do nothing but cause everyone problems."

Sino merely clicked his teeth in annoyance and looked away, only to quickly move a hand to catch the rock that nearly hit his forehead… and completely missed the second one that all but impaled his solar plexus.

He was not a weak man by any means, but taking a direct hit from a Sage Chakra infused rock would down most people rather handedly. That said, the fact that he managed to stay on his feet at all and wasn't launched back from the blow alone could be considered a feat for most.

She looked up at the sky with dull eyes and breathed in the air slowly. "I know not what crossed these lands and scarred it so, but I care not for it one bit. It does no one any good to leave it unaddressed. If working with him will ensure less of these entities will threaten us in the future, then so be it. You do not have to cooperate if you wish Sino-boya, but don't get in his way. His duties benefit all of us. That is my verdict for the clan."

"Ma'am." Kongen bowed respectfully.

"As you wish, Niwa-sama." Sino grunted while holding his bruised stomach.

"Such a stubborn pup." Niwa snorted before suddenly pointing her cane right to Naruto's face. "And you! You're the worst of them all! Don't think I can't tell how pathetic of a condition you're in! What were your caretakers thinking, letting you out of bed, let alone out on a cross country trip?! If I wasn't convinced that you were doing something vexingly important I'd encase you in granite and keep you in place before you fall apart more than you already are! I actually pity Shima for having such a reckless contractor! I don't pity that thief for anything!"

"A-Ah. Ahaha! S-Sorry Baba, but, y-you know how it is right now." Naruto laughed nervously and leaned back as far as he could.

"Gaara." Temari glanced at her brother concerned. They had all noticed just how much care Naruto was being given by Tsunade and Hinata during the trip, but for an elder summon to make such a big deal about his health on first meeting was more than a glaring red flag.

"Later," the Kazekage ordered. That said, his sister didn't miss the small frown he had as he gave it, indicating he wasn't happy about the revelation either.

"Humph. Humans. Reckless, clueless fools the lot of you. How you became the dominant species is beyond me." Niwa scoffed, sniffing the air once more and turning to the other shinobi there. "I see we have a diverse audience today. Contract holders for Weasels, Hawks, Monkeys, and that monster Katsuyu. I can assume that the slug and the Monkeys have taken the toads' warning seriously, but have the Hawks and the Weasels as well?"

"I don't know." Temari shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like exposing her relationship with the weasels to others unless absolutely necessary. "They're pretty secretive about their decisions most of the time. They don't often talk to me about what goes on with their clan."

"Same, but I can check with them easily enough." Sasuke shrugged before glancing at Sakura. "Though I am curious what you meant by the Slug summons and Katsuyu."

"Bah. You don't know? Stupid boy. There's no Slug clan. There's just that titanic monster older than the Biju and who splits herself willy-nilly whenever she pleases; the creature known as Katsuyu." Niwa waved him off. "I have it on good authority that she even smacked around the Six-tails something fierce back in the day. Poor thing idolizes her to the point that half his moves are based off of her kit."

THAT was certainly a revelation that caught everyone off guard, including Sakura if her gasp was any indication.

"This explains so much of Saiken's personality and actions eight hundred years ago," Kurama grumbled inside Naruto's soul.

"… Huh." Naruto summed up their thoughts on the matter adequately.

"Fools." Niwa huffed and began to waddle off in another direction. "Staying here only makes me want to waste my time smacking more sense into the lot of you. Boya, you mentioned that you want to do something about making a path and the leylines here, right? Do you really think it's a smart idea to put pressure on yourself in your current condition?"

Naruto snapped out of his daze. "Wh-, oh. Y-yeah. I just needed someone to set up the path and some minor pillars every couple of hundred meters. You guys can heal the leylines below. Most of the stuff above is derived from myself in the first place. I'm just making sort of a tunnel through it all and some minor boundaries. I'm an Uzumaki, so, seals. Actually I could do all of that with just a few clones while I rest."

"At least you aren't being an idiot about it. Fool pup. Come. Kongen-boya. Sino-boya. Konoha or not, the leylines needed to be addressed eventually regardless. Don't let this old woman do all the work."

With a heavy tap on her cane on the ground, a massive long platform instantly jumped up from ground level about a meter and expanded nearly a kilometer in either direction to her side, one pointing to Iwagakure and the other through the center of the valley made just a month ago. At a quick glance, Nartuo estimated that it was wide enough to serve as a four lane highway in both directions if cars were ever a thing here.

"Impressive." Hiruzen chuckled as he stroked his beard and examined the woman's work. "The Mole clan were known as premier architects of stone and earth among the clans. Even if it is for a road, witnessing an elder at work is something to take in with appreciation."

"Your flowery words are wasted, partner of Enma. Your soft praises are nothing compared to the weight of a task actually done and the world shifting to one's whim. Stick to throwing words and jumping about endlessly like the fool you are." Niwa scoffed as she tapped her cane on the ground again, making a small mound lift her up a few inches and then roll forward. It looked as if she moved on a wave. She was followed by a disgruntled general and what might be her descendant off to the distance. "You best be resting when I return child, or so help me I'll make good on my vow to bury you alive for your own sake!"

"Don't worry, I'm real good at falling unconscious at will these days!" Naruto cheerfully bid the elder farewell.

"That's not something to be proud of moron!" Sakura chastised him.

"What? Oh no. I can't hear you on the count of falling unconscious." The accused moron smiled cheezily as he started to sway forward and back.

"That's not fooling anyone," Temari snorted as she rolled her eyes.

Hinata, Sasuke, and Sakura however frowned as they watched their friend's performance, right up until he collapsed where he stood. The only reason why he didn't meet the ground face first was due to Hinata grabbing the back of his neck in time and forcing him back into the state of a small comatose fox.

"He wasn't faking it?" Gaara's cold demeanor darkened.

"He probably could have lasted a bit longer," Hinata admitted with her Byakugan active. "But the elder wasn't exaggerating about his condition. Naruto really shouldn't be traveling right now."

"That's putting it lightly." Two shadow clones floated down next to the group, seemingly phasing in from thin air. "Boss is going to need as much rest as possible for the summit if he's going to manage to stay awake for the whole thing."

"The one time we actually do want him awake and talking," Ino sarcastically grumbled and crossed her arms. "Great."

Despite her demeanor, the Yamanaka couldn't help but be somewhat enraptured by Naruto's chakra system now that she had a closer exposure to it. His system was… different than before. Almost like it had been shattered and torn apart, only to be restructured into something completely out of the ordinary. Something inhuman redesigned for VASTLY more power than before, to the point that she was genuinely worried of the consequences it would have on his health.

She held her tongue and her thoughts. While she considered herself a sadist, she was not fond of her friends needlessly going through this much torture regardless of the reason. What made it worse was that whatever she did feel on the matter paled in comparison to what Hinata was likely experiencing.

"Anyways, we're going to take care of these flying shitlings and set up a barrier around the area," one of the clones sighed, playing with one of the mini foxes in its hand. "It should stabilize the weather in the area eventually as well. That said, anything inside the barrier that isn't on the pathway that Niwa-baba's building will be intense. Great for training, and a nasty defensive measure if these guys go for broke. You guys will get more details on it all later."

"So Iwa's being compensated by having a wind based natural defense." Snake crossed his arms and laughed in a defeated way. "Any issues with this batch of irony, Kazekage?"

Gaara closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh. "I've learned it's best to simply accept and adapt whenever Naruto displays his unique brand of aid. There are better things to waste my patience on."

"That bad?"

Gaara pointedly didn't look at anyone and turned to leave. "The last time he personally helped me, he blew up Shukaku's head."

"What?"

"Did you forget what he might have said about one of our mothers and his horribly bad breath?" One of the clones asked with an impish grin.

"We're sorry he's an idiot!" Everyone from Konoha bowed and apologized on instinct.

o. o. o.

"And here's the man of the hour." Dima smirked as Shikamaru sat down next to him at the table. "Come on kid. Smile. Stop pretending to be Scab. It's not worth it. Trust me, I've seen people that have tried. He sued them for likeness infringement."

"He literally nabbed a couple of souls that one time. If memory serves, they were pulling some real sketchy deals in his name, even for him, which is why they were caught." Sylvia hummed in thought on the other side of the table.

"The deals were that horrifying?" Shikamaru asked somewhat curious.

"That and the exchange was too fair."

"And there's the punchline."

"Hah! If only." Dima smirked as he downed his pitcher of alcohol while watching the locals go on with their daily lives. Of course, he didn't miss the dozen or so shinobi keeping tabs on him and Sylvia, but it was an easy enough task to keep their conversation private. "I remember the first time I met the bastard. Was hiding as a pet dog for some company president's family. The daughter wound up being a good friend of ours. 'Behold our majestic tripod pet dog. Senile as fuck and defiler of fake Persian carpets.'"

"Oh lord, I miss Vickie. Poor girl couldn't tell the truth to save her life." Sylvia snickered as she stared at her glass of former sake now cider. "Literally. Her powers turned lies into reality. I still can't believe she lied herself immortality as easily as she did. She pissed off so many people that day. I still have trouble keeping a straight face remembering it."

"You're joking. Lies to truth? Just like that?" Shikamaru balked at the mere idea of such an ability.

"That's what everyone says when they hear of it for the first time. Not that I can blame them. Girl was a compulsive liar from the womb if her parents were asked. None of us thought that she'd be one of our heavy hitters in the early days. One of Scab's favorite students too, though you'd have to put him in a real spot to get him to ever admit it. Started off as an illusionist before she delved deep enough to join us in the land of bullshit." Dima chuckled, shaking his head before downing another sip. "But then again, all good things come to pass. We always did say the day Victoria stopped lying was the day she'd die."

"Four hundred and fifty years since. Truth rarely hurt as much as that day." Sylvia shook her head. "But then again, everyone has their limits."

"So you say. Don't think I've forgiven you two for all the shit you pulled when you were together. Even Scab had trouble cleaning up after that fiasco in New York."

"Hahaha! Oh I almost forgot about that night! We were completely blitzed out of our skulls!" Sylvia burst out laughing at some memory that the pair clearly remembered differently. "How many eldritch gods did we summon that night?"

"Official consensus is eight. Not including the five you two literally made from scratch out of your drug induced rambling. How the island managed to remain intact after all that is still beyond me."

And don't get him started on the fact that they somehow managed to get New York City to somehow secede from the continental United States and legally changed it to the Independant Holy Land of West Coast Quebec.

"Oh please. You sound like you didn't have fun. And that's not counting Shadow's contribution to that night's fun. You know damn well she was constantly feeding us ideas and making things worse to see our breaking point."

Fun fact, she did not, in fact, find out any of said breaking points.

"I did, and it was because of it that I managed to rope her into cleanup duty… while you and Vickie were literally jumping between life and death in your overdosed delirium because your powers kept on swapping your states faster than an AC current."

"Haha. Ah. Yeah. Good times. On the bright side, I managed to get down how to slip into the afterlife dimensions from the experience."

"The otherworlds would claim otherwise."

"Says the man that tried to usurp how many variants of the biblical god? Successfully? Those light powers of yours really come in handy fooling the impressionable and stupid sometimes."

"I was in a drug induced phase! One that was designed to work on Waltz! You know damn well that doesn't count!"

"It was your idea to steal a hit from Waltz's personal stash, lightweight. And how many members of the Roman Catholic Church said the same thing?" Sylvia's voice dropped a few octaves as she put on a thick fake accent. "My dear savior and comrade?"

"You have a drug induced religious existential crisis one time…"

Shikamaru didn't know what language the bald man was speaking under his breath, but he was fairly certain that the essence of chaining slurs while intoxicated was ominversal.

That said, he was intimately familiar enough with his father going out drinking with Couza Akimichi and Inoichi Yamanaka to know a veteran's group reunion binging when he saw one. Getting plastered and remembering about the 'good old days' while laughing about good and shitty moments that scarred and made one's entire life.

What Shikamaru didn't immediately get was why he was involved in this mess.

He could join in though.

"When she found out I was taking my relationship seriously with my girlfriend, Shadow offered to 'bless' us with octuplets."

Sylvia and Dima groaned in perfect tandem and drank some more.

"I thought she stopped doing that." Dima groaned. "It was horrifying back then and it's horrifying now. Raising one kid at a time's bad enough."

"Whatever you do, don't let her name any of your kids." Sylvia leaned forward with a grave expression. "An old friend of ours made that mistake once, and she swore a literal blood oath of vengeance on Shadow in retaliation."

"That bad?" Shikamaru smirked.

"It was done with Crypt's blood." Dima grimaced.

"That bad." Shikamaru paled. He didn't know the exact details that came with Crypt's red stuff, but he knew enough.

"The others thought it was hilarious, of course. The assholes. That part of them hasn't changed. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing at this point." Dima shook his head.

"Well, it's not like they don't have their own problems to deal with." Sylvia shrugged. "Fortunately, we're not part of most of them."

Shikamaru felt the darkness that bordered this world and countless others twitch.

"Careful Syl," Dima sighed. "You know your situation's still shit."

"Yeah yeah." The woman waved his warning off. "Stop jumping at whispers Dima. We both know Shadow and the boys are too busy working to bother with halfhearted slips."

"Working?" Shikamaru blinked in surprise. "Last I checked they were all stoned out of their minds on their front lawn. They're so high that we have to constantly set up barriers, so the town isn't at risk of third degree trips."

He saw what happened to Shino and it was both hilarious and horrifying. Kiba swore he was going to keep the pictures and videos of his best friend's episode as family heirlooms.

"Those idiots. You'd think they'd be done with partying as hard as hard as that by now." Dima groaned, rubbing his temple. "They're God tier beings, kid. Existing in multiple places at once is second nature for them. Hell, the only one of them that doesn't do it perpetually in some form is Waltz, and that's only because he's the only one that isn't starting fires on instinct… and no, that's not because he's the one that's being set on fire most of the time."

"Heheh, bacon." Sylvia chuckled and shook her head.

"Odds are they're blazing through paperwork signing half of it with arcane rituals at the rate of an automated printer."

o. o. o.

In the Oogakari household:

WHAM!

"Next!"

WHAM!

"Next!"

WHAM!

"Next!"

Waltz slipped the next paper in front of Ghost-

WHAM!

… who then proceeded to slam Crypt's skull onto the document. The blood smeared on it quickly flowed and morphed into an incomprehensible signature that made no sense to anyone who couldn't perceive six dimensions.

"NEXT!"

While Ghost was busy blasting through paperwork with his brother's face, Scab, still hooked up to a great deal of medical equipment, had attached himself to some interdimensional server hardware and a printer.

The latter was generating Ghost's never-ending hell of documentation (half of it wasn't even real; he was just making bullshit paperwork just to screw with Ghost). The former was so he could negotiate (and bribe) with their allied contacts and put out some diplomatic fires.

As for Shadow…

"SAY IT!"

"Get off me you crazy bitch!"

"PAUL YOU WILL STATE YOUR NEUTRALITY FOR THIS BULLSHIT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA AND PUT IT IN WRITING OR SO HELP ME I'LL CHOKE YOUR NECK LIKE YOUR WIFE CHOKES YOUR TESTACLES EVERY TUESDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHT! DON'T DENY IT! WE PLAY IN THE FEMME FATALE BRIDGE LEAGUE AND I'VE BEEN CARRYING EMILY UP THE RANKS FOR THE PAST CENTURY! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL HOW MUCH SHE GOSSIPS AFTER HER THIRD QUAALUDE!"

She was negotiating with their non-allied contacts to put out some diplomatic fires.

o. o. o.

Sylvia cringed. "I've helped them enough when their workload gets heavy, thank you very much."

"So you say. The rest of us that stuck around are still on their emergency call list." Dima huffed, taking down another mouthful of drink. "Few people realize that true omnipotence apparently comes with infinite workloads."

Sylvia glanced at Shikamaru. "Never offer to help them with their paperwork no matter how good you think you are. It's not worth it. They'll hold you to it for the rest of your life."

Shikamaru smirked and waved off the advice. "Don't worry. That's what Naruto is for. He's a self-propagating one man army. Workers' rights aren't a factor with him."

"Throwing your buddies under the Shadow already. Good lad. You'll go far." Dima chuckled and nodded in acknowledgement.

"It's a life skill at this point."

"And isn't that a kicker?" Sylvia languidly sighed before glancing at her drink, having lost how many times it had been altered since she had started. She must have downed something particularly strong at some point. She was normally better at keeping count.

"Speaking of kicks, I was always curious about something." Shikamaru went out on a limb. If these two were trying to make him more comfortable, he might as well take a minor risk. "What's the deal with Shadow not wearing shoes? Most I've ever seen her wear on her feet are those open toed leggings."

Dima and Sylvia snorted at once at the question as if remembering something particularly funny.

"Oh god, it's been so long since I remembered that." Dima smirked. "When was the last time we bitched about Byron?"

"Centuries." Sylvia leaned back with a matching grin.

"Byron?" Shikamaru skeptically lifted an eyebrow.

"Shadow's first teacher. Stubborn old bastard of a cattle farmer that rarely said anything on a good day." Dima shook his head. "And the smell."

"Oh, don't remind me. Man stood as tall as Waltz and was built almost as tough, but the bastard's smell was the first thing that came to everyone's mind whenever he's brought up. I don't know if it was perpetually shoveling mutant moose dung for months on end, the quality, or he just didn't shower much but fuck me it was impossible to stand anywhere near the man with a working nose for more than a few minutes." Sylvia shivered. It was an inside joke that shit smelled like Byron instead of the other way around.

"Her first teacher?" Shikamaru frowned in confusion. "I know she had a late start with her powers, but I thought she started off with her brothers."

"There were some complications at the time that held back the four idiots." Judging from the look that the two immortals shared, it was a bit more than that before Dima continued. "Byron came across her first and took her in, albeit begrudgingly if what I remember is right."

"'If what I remember is right?' We're talking about the farmer with the perpetual stone face. Byron literally did everything begrudgingly."

"So what does that have to do with her lack of shoes?" Shikamaru frowned, confused.

Sylvia smirked. "Oh that? Well, the old grump was a good enough Presence teacher and got Shadow used to the basics, but he was utter shit when it came to helping people with their individual powers… well, powers that didn't have to do with animals. The guy was practically the cow version of… what are they called here again… Inuzuka. Right. Instead of dogs, he did cows, bulls, deer, rams, anything with hooves and horns really. He could link with herds of them at a time if he wanted."

"And he was contracted to that freak of a Moose God." Dima pointed out with a shiver. Moose were big and intimidating enough for most normal humans. Moose Gods though… there was a reason why the guy was capable of shattering tectonic plates with a well-placed stomp.

"Well anyways, when Shadow still didn't know her ass from her head as far as her powers were concerned, old man Byron thought she was just your everyday elementalist. So, he tried half assed methods to try to 'increase her connection to nature.'"

"So he made her walk around barefoot all the time? Seriously?" Shikamaru concluded disbelievingly.

"Yup. In the middle of a farm where you can't go two steps without stepping in someone's shit." Dima chuckled. "And the geezer's farm didn't have generic cows either. Fire cows. Ice cows. Lightning cows. Divine cows. Spiritual cows. Sacred cows. Demon cows. As far as he was concerned, the increase in 'exposure' would do nothing but help her get a hang of everything faster."

This time Shikamaru couldn't help but join in the laughter. "She must have hated that."

"You have no idea. Girl was obsessed with pedicures when we first met. She couldn't visit a single town or city without looking for a place that did them." Sylvia grinned. "Not that me or the other girls minded. She was a convenient excuse to join in and play hooky while the boys did all the work."

"Hate you too Syl." Dima nodded and held up his glass in a salute.

"She's still obsessed with the pedicures. She's made me learn how to give them and then makes sure I'm 'satisfactory' at least once a month." Shikamaru sighed like the defeated minion he is. At the very least, Temari was pleasantly surprised and pleased by his skills. "So, I'm guessing something happened that prevents her from wearing anything?"

"Believe it or not, it was the literal shit she was constantly stepping in." Dima smirked at the irony. "Byron's herd were strong bastards. Some could even use Presence themselves. I have the gore marks to prove it. Their crap was chock full of an encyclopedia's worth of minerals, energies, and fuck knows what else. Even Scab never managed to figure out what the hell she was exposed to. Bottom line though was that her feet are for lack of better words mutated and claustrophobic. They need to be exposed all the time, otherwise she gets foot cramps and loses her sense of balance. Seeing her wear shoes is hilarious, and she has the coordination of a piss drunk sailor if you can sneak wool socks on."

Putting shoes on Shadow was like sneaking shoes on a dog while they were asleep. They both go ballistic and helplessly flail all over the place the moment they realize what had happened. Needlessly cruel, endlessly hilarious, and something Shikamaru could far too easily picture in his head.

"Thanks for the material." Shikamaru's smirk matched Dima's.

"Welcome to the club kid. You can't stand on your own for long without something to work with."

The shinobi looked to the side in a seemingly random direction. To most there was nowhere significant about it. To him, he spotted one of Shadow's disembodied eyes giving him a deadpan stare from underneath one of the tables across the room. "… I think I'm going to need some more support to stand on my own with the loads we're talking about."

Dima confidently sipped his drink like a cultured old man that had done many things right in his life.

"…"

"…"

"… You're going to say something about me learning to crawl first before walking, aren't you?"

"I had hair once, boy. I had hair once."

"Are you married?"

"For a while. It didn't last long, and we got divorced soon after my second was born."

"Well, that's why. You lost your protection. Should have gotten married again."

"I told you~." Sylvia sung from the side. "We women have a standard~."

The old man sulked and gave the woman a dark glare. "Oh, shut up Syl. Since when do you and Shadow actually stick to the rules?"

Shikamaru smirked as he saw a glint of amusement in the disembodied eye in the distance.

He had an idea of why he was here now, but he wouldn't bring it up.

A woman that perpetually and subtly changed everything around her, and who Shadow hated more than almost anyone out there.

An old man that manipulated light and who was part of her original group of friends.

And the sarcastic deer brat that she had found a soft spot for.

Finally giving into the moment, Shikamaru poured himself a small drink and downed it.

If Naruto was Ghost's, then he was without question Shadow's. And these two were hers as well. It was as simple as that.

Zuzushi help him. What did he do to deserve a life this troublesome?

… Oh right. He got too close to a G̶̫̲͈͉̯͎̲̣̗̺̙͓̰͆Ơ̷̢̩̗̳̍̌͐̑͛̿̑̓͘͜D̷͕͖͙͎̻̙͐͐̓̂̚͜.

That would probably do it.

o. o. o.

"We're all set up?" Tsunade asked the group. They had stayed the night unintentionally, but when the Hokage had seen all the patients that even Sakura couldn't properly tend to, she made it a point that it was worth the delay. Not only would it ease some of the tension between Konoha and Iwa, but it would also give the woman more experience with dealing with powers from outside their world that weren't shoved into her face by the Oogakari.

"As much as I'll ever be for this disaster." Onoki grunted as he glanced at the freshly made highway leading northeast away from the village. He could feel something was peculiar about the air around it, and the occasional pillars on its borders laced with seals didn't help matters, but it was to be expected in the end. How on earth the fates conspired for Naruto and Sino to work together on anything was beyond him, but he wasn't complaining. Much. "Speaking of disasters…"

"Naruto's still asleep." Hinata petted the unconscious fox in her chest. Whether it was a good or bad thing that he had only been awake for a few hours at most since yesterday was up for debate, but for now they enjoyed the silence. "He did assure us that his clones had put up a barrier around the village yesterday. There shouldn't be any irregular weather anymore outside of it."

"I suppose I'll just have to be satisfied with that for now." Onoki glanced at Sino. "Last chance to kill some brain cells General. Who knows, you might get a personality from the experience."

Unsurprisingly, the council's top choice remained stoic and adamant in his decision.

Surprisingly, it was for the complete opposite reason that everyone would have assumed.

"Don't bother, old fool. Our village requires as many that are capable and sound of mind as possible. If you are so certain that attending the Gokage Summit will all but ensure that those who attend will be a part of this lunacy, then I want no part of it. I will not play someone else's game to dictate the future of Iwagakure."

Onoki and Sino stared down at one another. They both know that it was pride and wishful thinking that drove the man's decision, but perhaps it was for the best as well. Neither knew what sort of madness was going to be revealed at the Summit. It was probably best that they had as many stable, or at least strong and unassociated with Konoha shinobi, on call as possible just in case.

"Humph. Never thought that you'd turn down a chance to be Kage. The world truly has gone mad." Onoki grumbled as he turned away, the Iwa contingency now consisting of himself, Roshi, Kurotsuchi, and a private gray haired female medic-nin in her late thirties that was to tend to his current condition and learn how to perform her duties optimally.

The woman clearly looked like she was out of her league, but she at least appeared to be eager to learn on the trip.

"Spill Sino. What's the real reason you're holding back?" Roshi did what the others didn't, closing the gap between the disgruntled man and everyone else in a coy way. "Your stiff ass hasn't changed since we were brats. You don't change a tune unless someone beats it into you. Was it that mole elder that everyone was talking about yesterday?"

The general glared at Roshi but held his tongue. Or at least, he didn't speak the first thing that was on his mind. "You claimed that you have been getting closer to your beast, Roshi. Tell me, if the elder of my contract asked you about the world shaking these past few years and traces of blood and shattered madness recently being left in the soil all over the place, would that make sense to you?"

The Jinchuriki's sly smile twitched, but his gaze turned as hard as the General's. "More than you'd believe or ever want to know. Or I'd want to for that matter. You still have the option of not finding out though, and I can't say I'm not jealous."

"Is it actually relevant to the welfare of our home? We can't ignore this nonsense?"

"Can you ignore the blonde brat? Because if word's right, he's nothing compared to what might be coming."

"And the summit will address these abnormal developments?"

"One way or another."

Sino and Roshi stared one another down for a good ten seconds before the former broke it first with a huff. "I expect your recounting of the event to be lucid and minimize the nonsense everyone is spouting."

"I'll use my morning hangovers as a gage of how bad it is while writing it." Roshi saluted him mockingly.

"Make the report legible too."

"Don't ask for the impossible Sino!"

"Hinata." Sakura walked up to the Hyuuga. "Take care of Naruto. He's… you know."

"I know," Hinata agreed. "Even if he'll never admit it."

"Right." The pinkette smiled bitterly before remembering thing and searching her pockets. "Oh, right, before you go, one of Scab's… resources, gave something to us a couple of days ago. They said it belonged to Naruto."

Hinata blinked in surprise as Sakura took out a thick-looking envelope. "Scab sent something for Naruto? Did they say what it was?"

"They didn't know either. Scab's message was simply 'This will probably help during the Summit. He was supposed to get this anyways. Do whatever you want with it.'"

"Well that was specific." Sasuke eyed the envelope warily. "Think it's a portal or retaliation for something Naruto did at some point? A bomb?"

"Normally I wouldn't put it past the man, but this is a notably big event. Naruto's big event. It's not the Oogakari's style to directly screw with it, much less his." Ino summed up a very reasonable counterargument. Even during the invasion of Iwa, Ghost's 'involvement' could be summed up with removing a seal that nobody knew about so Naruto could do a stupidly dangerous thing that he was going to do already, and telling the teen to laugh like a psychopath.

"She has a point." Sakura grimaced, hesitating for one last second before giving it to Hinata. "Take it regardless. If it's dangerous, either you'll be able to see it, or Naruto will figure it out the moment you tell him."

"R-right." Hinata carefully took the parcel before stowing it away. "Sasuke and I will tell the others as we travel."

"I'm still debating whether or not it would be a smart idea to burn it." Ino gave the document a wary glare.

"Don't tempt us," Sasuke muttered. Truth be told, he was worried that burning the damn thing would trigger a trap that Scab slipped in.

"Finish up kids, we're leaving." Kakashi cheerfully waved with the rest of the Iwa, Taki, and Suna shinobi.

"Just about done!" Sakura called back before sighing and looking at Naruto and Sasuke. "Not exactly what I would call an ideal Team 7 reunion. I was hoping something a bit more, meaningful when he was awake. I barely got to talk to him."

"We have time. At least this way you're not stuck changing his bandages." Sasuke gave a rare smile before quickly pulling down his half mask and kissing her cheek before pulling it up again. "I'll see you on the way back. We can rip on the idiot for being an inconsiderate ass together then. As a team."

"Past or present, your teamwork dynamic is just fucked up." Ino shrugged helplessly with a wry smirk. "Though what makes it worse is that you jerks make it actually work."

"Don't remind me." Sakura huffed before glancing at Naruto and gently petting his head. "Just try not to screw this up, will you Naruto?"

The small fox opened one eye halfway, his crystal blue eye looking dead at her for a few moments before closing it. "No promises."

"Well I tried." Sakura threw her arms up in the air and turned and stomped away. "We're fucked. Might as well get ready for war guys."

It was blatantly clear she wasn't being serious if the laughter was any indication.

Naruto fell asleep with a small smile on his face.

o. o. o.

Omake: Mole vs. Toad

"Niwa-sama, if I may dare ask, why exactly do you call one of the Toad elders a thief?"

Hinata's question was a normal one that was on everyone's minds.

However, it was one that had opened the floodgates of hell.

Naruto had a bad feeling about the way the mole's blind eyes developed that glint to them as the summon turned her attention to him.

The floodgates for him at least.

"Why? Why I dare accuse that wrinkled old thief Shima for what she is?"

Naruto turned to his girlfriend and shook his head frantically in a desperate attempt to stop her from talking. He could feel it. Suffering was nigh upon him.

"Er, yes?"

FUCK!

Niwa's old toothless mouth smiled and widened into something that was beyond predatory and terrifying. "Tell me, Kyubi boya, you've had some of that slop that thief calls cooking, right?"

Nightmares filled with insects and grubs echoed through Naruto's very soul for what felt like an eternity but lasted only for a few seconds. "I've experienced her hospitality for some time while I was training to be a Sage, yes."

"Awww. You poor child. Look at you shiver." A lone claw stretched out and gently caressed his cheek. Is it wrong that Naruto genuinely would have preferred it if it had been a demon doing it? "There's no need to pretend what you experienced was something else. That lying gaping mouth was always a vicious sort. Yelling whenever something didn't go her way. Stealing things that didn't belong to her. Why anyone thought that she came up with her twelve insect casserole on her own is beyond me, let alone Fukasaku. And don't get me started on her so called outstanding fatty grub udon. The only thing that pretender had going for her was the rich soils of Myobokuzan giving her free access to all the best ingredients. Bah. It's the chef that makes the dish. Any fool can tell you that."

It really said something when even Sino was giving Naruto a look of pure pity at that moment.

"Come, pup. Let Niwa-baba take care of you. You need nourishment if you want to recover correctly. I'll make sure you have a proper meal before you go. None of that fake imitation slop that Shima pretends to call food. I'm thinking some roach stew broth will be a perfect start for your stomach."

Naruto paled further as every digestive organ in his body began to scream in protest and horror. Due to his poor condition, he couldn't move enough to escape her clutches. "Wait wait wait wait! N-no! I-I'm fine! Really! I just need to-!"

Before he could try to excuse himself from the elder's hospitality, the crone pierced one of her claws through his clothes and tapped her cane on the ground with the other. In a large cloud of smoke, the pair vanished instantly in front of everyone.

"…"

"…"

"…"

Sasuke turned to Temari. "… I've just been convinced to not be a sage. You?"

"Same. Weasels eat anything. Not taking that chance."

"Guess we know the real reason why there's so few Sages out there." Ino snickered. "I wonder if summons do leftovers."

"Don't!" More than a few people turned green.

Nowhere near as green as Naruto when he finally returned three hours later, but green nonetheless.

o. o. o.

A/N:

As always, Thanks Kagaseo for betaing.

Side Notice: RL is taking up more and more of Kagaseo's time, so he won't be able to beta for me much longer. If anyone wants to fill the role, please let me know. That said, PLEASE, only people that genuinely intend to do proper editing and grammar work apply.

So yeah. That took a bit longer to get out, and we're STILL not at the summit, but I needed to get this chapter out of the way. World building and character development and all that.

Good news though is that not only am I a third done with the next chapter, but the Summit actually starts there, so yay! Progress! The chapter will likely be shorter than the norm, but I should have it done before xmas…

… Or I'll have the pre beta version done before xmas and out for my Pa-eon minions…

Oh, speaking of Pa-eon, I got another commission finished. You see my logo? You see how it's different? You see how pretty our boy Crypt is now? Yeeeeees. That's CRYPT in FULL GLORIOUS commissioned art beauty. And our boy is mmmmm MMMM sexy. Only available for Pa-eon members… at a buck… yeah. Just to remind you guys, the commissions are paid with the cash earned here so it all goes full circle.

So. Christmas. Presents. Tshirts. Got one with Saber Riding Fou vowing to kill Merlin. And another with a customized Oogakari Logo. Links below if you want them. PLEASE let me know if the links don't work so I can try to get you to the right pages. The website sells the shirts dirt cheap so I barely make anything off of them to begin with. Just trying to spread the love here.

Tee public website and add one of the following:

/t-shirt/22765065-kill-merlin

/t-shirt/25225790-oogakari-sigil?store_id=817891

Good? Good. Right then.

Work is work. Winter in Detroit sucks cuz its cold and stuff. Thanksgiving was… eventful. Both good and bad things happened. Not going to go into detail but certain major things did happen both good and bad, and hypnotically horrifying... like, watching that pimple popper channel on youtube but in real life.

Got all my xmas shopping done. Got some chores and things in RL to deal with. Still learning and doing a bunch in my new job at the company.

And… that's about it. I'm rushing this A/N for the time being so I can get this thing out, but that's really it.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! NIWA IS FAMOUS FOR HER FIVE LAYERED REFRIED ROACH CASSEROLE! AND REVIEW AGAIN!