It only took 23 minutes for Jacob to come get me, but it had been an awkward 23 minutes. Alice was certainly not happy with my decision.

"I can't see you when you're with them. If something happens, I won't know, Bella."

"I'm sorry." I said. I really did feel sorry, but I'd already hurt Jacob so much, I didn't know what else to do. He said that me being with him would make it better for him. I owed Jacob that much

I actually owed Jake way more, I reflected. He helped me in a way that one else could have. He made me feel alive again. If he wanted me to stand by his side as I faced the family of my ex, then so be it. Honestly, I may be the one to benefit the most from it. Being with Jake would make it hurt less.

Alice clearly didn't like my response - which was evident by her stillness and pursed lips - but she didn't argue further. She only asked that I called her if something were to happen.

Then we sat in silence, waiting for Jake to arrive. I welcomed the silence, however, as my thoughts were consumed with what seeing Jake would be like. I hadn't been able to erase the kiss from my mind. If I closed my eyes, I could see us in my kitchen, his face inching closer. I could hear the slight gasp I had made when our lips had touched. I could feel his soft hair in between my fingers.

Those thoughts felt safe, but I was having other thoughts that I wasn't certain I knew what to do with. I remembered the feel of his muscles underneath my hands. I thought of Jacob shirtless, how the hard panes of his muscles were well defined enough that I could trail my fingers down… but where would that lead? I knew Jacob would be more than open to me exploring these newfound… urges, but would that be wise?

If I were to pursue a romantic relationship with Jake, there certainly would be a sexual component to it that hadn't been there with Edward. Things that hadn't been possible, that I didn't really think of while dating a vampire, would be very possible with Jake.

I shook my head, embarrassed with my thought process. He said he would wait, and I had no doubt of his sincerity. I needed to let it go.

But letting go of that train of thought only made me think of Edward. What would happen if Edward returned with the rest of the Cullens? I still hadn't worked up the courage to ask Alice if he was coming back. I didn't know what answer I wanted. If Edward were to come back, it'd be so difficult to see him. Not to mention, it would hurt Jacob. Sweet Jacob who has been so concerned about me.

I knew, however, if he didn't come back, I knew without a doubt, I'd never see Edward again.

The hole in my chest ached again. I took shallow breaths, trying to calm myself. How could I still be this affected? How could I be consumed with thoughts of Jacob kissing me, but still be torn to shreds with the very thought of never seeing Edward again.

When Jacob finally came to pick me up, Alice walked me outside. She sized Jacob up fully, looking him over in a manner I was sure I didn't like. She smirked, and I imagined she had come to the conclusion that she could win in a fight.

I glanced at Jacob and realized that he had also come to the conclusion that he would win in a fight. God, this was going to be an issue.

"Did you speak with your Alpha?" Alice inquired, her voice tight. "Will the pack meet with Carlisle?"

"We'll meet with him." I flinched at the hard sound of his voice. His eyes flicked to me and softened slightly.

"You can call Bella when you're ready to meet."

And that was really the end of the conversation. Jacob was next to me in a second, ushering me to his Rabbit. As we drove away, I realized he was shaking.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You just smell like them." He breathed.

"Oh," I said, my eyes widening. "I'm sorry. I can shower at your house, if we have time."

He looked over at me, as if contemplating something. "Tell me something," he asked. "Just distract me."

I hesitated for a moment. "Okay." I took a deep breath, because I knew what I was going to say, even if I knew it was most likely a bad idea. "I can't stop thinking about our kiss."

I could feel my blush. Jacob looked over at me, gaping a little. Whatever he thought I was going to say, it wasn't that.

"Me too." He said, his lips turning upward into a smile.

"Yeah?" I asked.

He smirked at me. "You already knew that. I'm more interested in what you're thinking about."

I knew I turned scarlet, that's how deep my blush was. This seemed to really pique his interest. "Now I really want to know, Bells."

"You already know." I whispered, both unwilling and unable to voice the thoughts that had been swirling in my head.

"I really don't." Jake said. We stopped at a light, and he turned to face me. "It's just me, Bella. There's no reason to be shy or embarrassed."

I remained silent, still blushing. I knew he wasn't going to give this up though. "What if I start?" He asked.

I nodded. "Okay."

He flashed me a brilliant grin, one that made me smile, if only because he was happy. He spoke slowly; clearly, he was choosing his words carefully.

"I've wanted to kiss you since the first time I saw you, when you first got to Forks. I didn't think I actually had a chance with you. You were older and then you were taken. And then they found you in the woods. I was there, Bella, I don't know if you noticed. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. But God, Bella, I wanted nothing more to go to you."

"But I couldn't. We didn't really know each other. You flirted with me, that day on the beach, but we both knew you weren't really interested. And then you came over with the bikes, and I realized this was my chance. I promised myself I wouldn't waste it."

I looked at Jake, really looked at him. There was a vulnerability to him that I'd never seen before. Normally, when he discussed our relationship, he portrayed nothing but confidence. He used words like when and until, like it was only a matter of time. I realized how he must feel, putting himself in such a vulnerable position time after time. A surge of guilt passed through me: I had been thinking of Edward earlier today. I decided to keep that part to myself.

"I know you started to feel something for me, at least I thought you did. You let me hold your hand and seemed to enjoy being close to me. After I changed, it only intensified. I've seen you look at me a few times, so I know, at the very least, that you're attracted to me. That can't hurt."

"Jake!" I yelped. I knew I was blushing.

"Why are you ashamed of being attracted to me, Bella?" We had stopped in front of his house now, and he was looking directly at me, his body turned towards me. "I'm attracted to you, and I'm not ashamed of it."

"You are?" I asked. The look he gave me clearly said that I should have already known the answer.

"Of course. You're so beautiful, Bella. I guess I haven't made that clear, but I think you're incredibly beautiful."

"Oh." I said, gulping in air. "Thank you." I know I sounded awkward. He sighed and looked away from me. I knew I said something wrong and hurt his feelings.

"Jake, I'm sorry." He turned to face me. "I'm not good at this, at saying how I'm feeling."

He turned to face me again. His face lit up, and he looked hopeful. "It's just me, Bella. Just Jake and Bella. There's no reason to be ashamed. You can tell me anything."

"I know." I was whispering. This moment felt incredibly important. "Of… of course I find you attractive. I mean, look at you."

This seemed to please him. He grinned at me again, but his eyes held mine. There was the same intensity in his eyes that was there right before he kissed me yesterday.

"Good." He sounded incredibly confident now. "Because when we kissed, it just felt so right. Perfect, even. I know you need more time, Bells, and that's okay. I'll wait until you ask me to kiss you again, so long as you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Well two things. I want to know what you've been thinking about." I nodded. "And I want you to promise me that you'll remember how right it felt. How good it felt to have my lips on yours. I want you to remember how tightly you pulled me to you, how fast your heart was beating. I want you to think about it as much as possible because when you're ready, I promise I will kiss you as much as possible."

Holy crap. I realized I was leaning towards him, my body wanting nothing more to kiss him again and again. He noticed too, shifting his weight so his forehead was resting on mine, our lips so close.

He stopped me for leaving in and closing the distance between our lips. "I want to know what you were thinking about, Bella."

I took a shaky breath. "Exactly what you just said."

"Oh, no. You have to actually respond. In your own words. I want to hear it." His voice was incredibly low and husky. His breath sent shivers down my spine.

"I didn't know if I should let you kiss me. My head has been such a jumbled mess lately." I took a deep breath. "But when we kissed, I didn't feel confused. It felt so much more wonderful than I thought possible."

Our eyes hadn't left each other's. He still had that same, intense look. It made me want to kiss him again, to be as close to him as possible.

"Go on." He urged, his voice raspy.

"I wanted more. I wanted to rub my hands down the muscles of your shoulders and chest. I wanted you closer, needed you closer. And then it was over, and all I could think of was kissing you again."

He took a shaky breath and I could tell he wanted to kiss me again, but he had told me he'd wait for me to ask. He was clearly debating it in his head.

"Jacob?" I asked, my voice trembling a little.

"Yes?" God I loved how husky and low his voice was. It was doing things to me that I had never experienced before.

"Kiss me."

The words were barely out of my mouth before his lips were on mine. This kiss was very different from our last kiss. This kiss wasn't sweet at all. It was fast and desperate.

He moved his lips against mine frantically, parting my lips with his tongue. It wasn't long before we were making out in the front seat of his rabbit in a way that I didn't know was possible. I had never been kissed like this before. It was intoxicating. It was dangerous.

He pulled me on his lap, turning me so that my legs were straddling his. I pushed myself closer to him, needing more. His hands were holding my hips to his. When I pulled closer, his grip tightened. Maybe it was the heat of the kiss or maybe just Jacob's higher body temperature, but everywhere I touched felt feverish.

I felt delirious, drunk by his touch. Every part of my body screamed for more, more, more. The rational part of my brain has turned off. There was only Jacob, only needing him more.

My hands, which had been previously pulling at his hair, moved to roam over his broad shoulders. I moved my fingers down the muscles of his arms. I felt his muscle tighten under my touch, and then he pulled away.

I was breathing very heavily. "I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" I asked quietly.

"No. God no." Jacob said. "That was amazing."

"Then… what?" I asked.

"Sam's here." He said bitterly. "I'd imagine he wants to talk." I realized that he must have heard him approach, which is why he had stiffened.

"Oh." I said, failing to hide my disappointment.

"His timing is impeccable." Jacob said sarcastically. I disentangled myself from him with some difficulty - we really did not fit in the driver's side of the rabbit.

I got out of the car and brushed myself off, straightening my hair and clothes. Jake noticed this and smirked, clearly proud of my disheveled state.

"Sorry to interrupt," Sam began. Jacob snorted. "But we don't have a lot of time."

"It's fine." I said, my checks automatically flushing into a blush. "You wanted to talk?"

"How many Cullens are coming?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied. I was annoyed, I had already told Jake everything.

Just then, my phone rang. "Hello?"

"Bella," Alice's voice rang through. "I was worried about you. That dog didn't look like he was in control when you left."

"Jacob is fine." I stressed Jacob's name.

She sighed in relief. "Carlisle asked if we could meet at our house in an hour?"

I looked at Sam, who nodded. "That works. The pack wants to know who in your family is returning?" I asked.

I head my breath. Jacob was watching me carefully. I didn't let my mind wander as I waited for her to respond. I couldn't think about Edward, not now. Not after everything that had just happened.

"For now, it's just Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett. Rose and Esme are looking for Edward."

I froze, wanting so bad to ask, but I knew I couldn't. "I'll let the pack know."

"Good. Are you sure you're okay?" Alice asked again. "I can't see you, Bella."

"I'm perfectly safe. I'll see you soon." I added before ending the call.

"Seems a bit ironic that a vampire is worried about a humans safety with us." Jacob said bitterly. "We don't eat people."

"Neither do they, Jake." I said wearily before changing the subject. "Do I still smell like them? Do I have time to shower?"

Jacob looked at Sam who rolled his eyes. "You smell more like Jake then anything else, Bella, but you have time if you hurry."

I blushed bright red at the implications of smelling like Jacob. I knew the pack would know as soon as Jake phased, but it was still embarrassing, perhaps even more embarrassing than being interrupted by Sam.

"Nah, it's okay, Bells." Jacob was definitely smirking now. "You didn't bring any clothes to change into, and I doubt any of mine will fit well enough to do the job."

"Okay." I agreed, mainly because I didn't feel like arguing the point.

Sam raised his eyebrows at Jacob, and the pair clearly had a conversation with their eyes. I rolled my eyes, knowing they were obviously discussing me.

"We'll meet you there, in 45." Jacob said. I got the feeling that Jacob was dismissing Sam, and Sam wasn't exactly pleased about it. He didn't argue and left without another word.

"We have a few minutes before we have to leave." Jacob said. "We can go inside. Dad shouldn't be home for a little bit."

My stomach fluttered, wondering what Jacob had in mind once we were inside. Nevertheless, I followed him inside. He headed towards his room, shutting the door once both of us were inside. I watched him, waiting to see what he would do.

I shouldn't have kissed him like that. I just got so caught up in the moment. It had been so intense, like there was an electric current drawing us together. And Jake had been so… sexy. That's the word I was looking for. He had been so sexy. Even his voice affected me. I realized something in this moment: from this point on, it was going to be hard to be alone with Jacob and not kiss him or touch him. Our kiss in the rabbit had changed the way I viewed him. He wasn't a kid anymore, not to me. He was my Jake, and the very thought of him sent shivers down my spine.

I didn't dare think of Edward and why Esme and Rose were looking for him. I tried not to think about whether or not that meant he was coming back to Forks. But most of all, I dared not hope for his return.

I was awful. Truly awful. Here I was, encouraging Jacob and having very heated moments with him, while also thinking about my ex boyfriend. I needed to stop. It wasn't fair to him.

"Bella?" Jacob asked softly. "Are you okay? You're thinking hard again."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about… everything." I said quietly.

"Does that mean he's coming back?" Jacob asked. "They're looking for him?"

"I don't know." I replied.

Jacob looked at me, with that same intense look. "What happens if he comes back? What happens if he suddenly wants you again? What happens to us, Bells?"

"He won't." I said, my voice sure.

"But if he did?" Jacob asked. His eyes were burning into mine.

I faltered. I hadn't even considered it an option. Now, I was faced with this as a potential outcome in front of Jacob, and I honestly had no idea how to respond. I started to hyperventilate a little. I took several slow breaths.

"He won't, Jake." I repeated, buying time. "He got bored and left. There's no point in him coming back."

"Please answer the question, Bella. I have to know if I stand a chance with you."

"Of course you do." I said, completely taken aback. "Do you think that we would have… earlier today if I didn't think…" I trailed off because I honestly wasn't sure I believed myself.

"I know that you're extremely attracted to me." Jake said, ice in his voice. "I know that you'd pick me over anyone else. Except him."

"This isn't fair, Jake. You know I need more time. You said it yourself. I've never lied to you. You know how broken I am."

"I thought you were getting better." He said, dejectedly.

"I am, but that doesn't mean I don't need more time."

"But I don't have more time. Don't you get it? If he comes back, I'm going to lose you." Jake nearly shouted.

"That's not true!" I yelled back. "You'll never lose me."

He looked at me, really looked at me. It made me shiver again. Jacob was right, I was extremely attracted to him, and being in his presence, while he looked at me like that, made my head all foggy.

"But just as a friend?" Jacob asked, practically pleading with me for the right answer.

"You said you'll always be my friend." I said. I knew where this was going, and dread was building in my stomach.

"I did. And I will be," Jacob said softly, taking several steps to me. "But it's not what I want. I want you. I want to be with you. Forever. Just Jake and Bella."

"Don't say that." I demanded.

"Say what?" He asked. He looked so hurt, I stepped forward, putting my hand to his face, cupping his check.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I said softly. "I've been promised forever before, but forever is never as long as it seems."

He sputtered for a second, eyes furroughing tightly together. For someone who knew me so well, so completely, I had surprised him an awful lot today.

Hell, I'd surprised myself an awful lot today.

I ran my hand over his eyebrows, willing him to relax. It worked, if only slightly. I put my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat several times. His arms wrapped around me hesitantly.

"Bella?" He asked. "I just want you. You know that, right?"

"I know." I paused. "I wouldn't just go back to him."

I spoke softly, but I knew that he could hear me. He didn't respond, so I took that as encouragement to continue. "He promised me forever, and then changed his mind in a blink of an eye, for no discernible reason. He abandoned me, after promising me he wouldn't ever. And what's worse, it was right after I was hunted and treated like prey by James, who found amusement in the very fact that Edward was protecting me."

I took a shaky breath, but was caught off guard by the look on Jacob's face. "What?

"I didn't know that." He said softly, in the most comforting voice I've ever heard. "God, Bella, I'm so, so sorry." He pulled me closer to him, resting his head on mine.

"Okay," he said slowly. "We won't make promises. We'll take it slow-"

I snorted. "Jake, I think that ship sailed."

"I meant emotionally…" He trailed off, but he laughed. "I meant, we'll go on dates, work in the garage together, and do homework together."

"But… that's not what you want." I said, feeling guilty again.

"No, it's exactly what I want." He assured me. "I just want you. I want you to be happy, to feel safe, and to want me."

"I do." I said before I could stop myself.

"Then I'm happy. We can just be us." He said, matching my tone.

"Okay." I said, standing on my toes to kiss him softly.

"Shit." He swore. "Bella, we have to leave now. We are going to be late."

AN: Reviews are always welcome! I know this wasn't an action packed chapter, but it's so important to Bella's growth!