Okay, seriously I read this one amazing fic where Bruce had teenage Tim and Dick with him when Luthor was trying to have a meeting with him. Still cracks me up. i wanted to try it. *evil laugh*

Dick-12 Jason-9 Cass-7 Tim-5

Luthor's Visit

"Superman!"

"Batman!"

"Superman!"

"Batman!"

"Superman!"

"Let's let baldy decide." The nine year old turned to the visiting executive. "Who's better? Batman or Superman?"

Already out of patience, the man ignored him and his twelve year old brother, glaring straight to their father. "Mr. Wayne, I must insist your children wait outside until our meeting is over."

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

He gritted his teeth. "Their constant interruptions are making it difficult for there to be any progress on this project. Don't they have a nanny or something?"

"If you didn't want to entertain any of them Luthor, you should have arrived earlier this morning, when they were in school." The billionaire nudged a crayon back towards his daughter and her coloring pages. The youngest of them tapped away on his ipad, giggling occasionally.

"Uh-opp. Sucks to be you," the eldest said with a grin. He kept getting out of his chair the entire meeting. "Should have come in earlier."

"You're avoiding the question," his brother insisted, glaring slightly. He tugged on Luthor's jacket to make sure he had the man's attention. "Who's better? Batman or Superman?"

"Jason, rule ten," Wayne stated sharply. It was the first time he had corrected his kids the entire afternoon.

Jason let go of the lapel, glaring slightly. His brother laughed wickedly, pointing at him. "Ha! See? I'm not the only one it's meant for!"

"Shut up Dick!" He cast a glare at the sixth grader, not letting him get away with the comment.

"Hey," Dick up his hands up defensively, "I'm just glad I wasn't the one who broke it this time."

"Will you two just knock it off?" Luthor had no patience with children, let alone the Waynes. If this deal wasn't so important in helping him branch out into Gotham, he'd never tolerate such insolence.

Both boys gave him a mild glare before identically folding their arms. "Not until you tell us who you think is better."

"Batman or Superman?"

"I say Superman." Dick grinned impishly as he explained. "He can fly, is the only one of his kind, gets charged by the sun, and is always smiling. Plus he's got a gazillion powers and leads his group of friends. He makes friends everywhere!"

"No way! Batman's way better!" Jason retorted. Excitedly he explained why. "He's dark and mysterious, scares the living daylights out of criminals and has to use his brains to get the job done. He proves anyone can be a hero if they work hard at it. And he doesn't have a wacko weakness like a glowing green rock."

"Yeah, a bullet to the head and—"

"Rule two Dick." There was more bite in Wayne's voice at this one. The kid shrunk back a bit, realizing he said something wrong, though Luthor didn't get it. Jason's eyes grew wide a moment later, clamping his mouth shut instead of taunting his brother. Even the other two's eyes grew wide at the mention of the rule. This was clearly a big one.

"Sorry."

"You meant knife right?" The youngest piped in, trying to save his brother. "A knife in the right spot."

"Yeah Timmy. A knife." Dick's eyes avoided everyone's, realizing something all the sudden. The silent message passed around the room missed the visiting executive, making everyone else uncomfortable.

Jason ended up breaking the ice. "So Bat's weakness is being human while Supe's is being an alien no one can relate to. So who's better Lexie? Superman or Batman?"

The boy's grin turned full throttle on Luthor, bringing him back into the conversation. The man glared at him, not wanting to answer. But this was the source of the whole argument, one stupid debate between two boys over who was better.

Frankly he didn't have any experience with this Batman. As far as he was concerned, the guy was a rumor, a ghost. They never crossed paths before, and sources around Gotham claimed the man was long past gone, if he existed at all. The whole argument was pointless.

"Well?" Jason's impatience nearly matched their visitor's. "Who's better?"

Internally groaning, he answered. "Fine, Superman."

"HA! Told ya!" Dick jibbed, getting his earlier energy back.

His brother just rolled his eyes. "Fine. So we have two Superman fans, two Batman fans, one undecided and a Blue Beetle nut in here. Do you wear Superman undies?"

"Excuse me?" Livid didn't even begin to describe how Luthor felt at this comment.

Bruce gave an exasperated sigh as the other boys snickered, their sister merely smiling in amusement. "Rule six Jason."

"Bet he does," Dick added, a knowing look in his eyes.

"Yeah, with how obsessed he is with the boyscout, I wouldn't be surprised." The trouble maker kept going. "The only question is, boxers or briefs?"

"Jason," Wayne started as Lex's whole face changed to an angry crimson. "What did I just say?"

"My name," he answered cheekily. His siblings choked back another laugh. The younger two even looked away from what they were doing to watch the exchange. Must have been their favorite form of entertainment.

"You know what I meant."

"Really Wayne," Luthor growled, trying to control his rage, "I never thought of you as the kind of person who'd allow for such behavior. Have you considered sending them to boarding school? Or at least hiring a nanny?"

Bruce Wayne eyed the man critically as the other kids laughed at the idea. Really the corporate shark didn't know what was so funny. The richer man finally answered. "I remember boarding school, and hating it. And unless you can find a good nanny with a background in security and field medical training who isn't connected to any corporations or terrorist groups, and isn't interested in getting in my bed, I don't want to hear it.

"Now shall we get on with the meeting or not?" The annoyance in the father's voice wasn't lost on his kids. Jason and Dick were still grinning impishly. Timmy and his sister had gotten bored of what they were doing and were now playing with business cards. The girl in particular was throwing them very creatively into a far off trashcan, wowing the youngest as she did so.

Stiffly Lex nodded, his eyes intense on the older two. "If there are no more interruptions."

Jason spread his hands far apart in his defense. "Hey, you answered the question. I've got nothing else to say to you about it."

"Except about the shorts," Dick poked.

"Look who's talking, pjs."

"They're a classic!" he said in his defense. "And don't pretend you didn't get Alfie to sew that bat on yours and Cass'."

"Not my fault he doesn't have any bat merchandise."

"Enough." Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache coming on. Both boys exchanged mischievous glances, but did quiet down. "Don't you two have homework or something?"

The kids looked at each other again before nodding in unison, pouting slightly. Both reached over to their backpacks, one tucked on a neighboring chair and the other under the table. With their own papers in front of them to work on, Luthor began to feel satisfied. It was strange to him that the older two were worse behaved than the younger. But then again, those were his business cards, not Wayne's.

"Finally." He woke up his ipad to return to his proposal. "Now as I was saying before, you currently have ownership of Drake Medical, but have not made many advancements in that particular field as of late. As my teams are branching out, finding cures to several different forms of cancer and you have no need of that particular franchise, my proposal is to—"

"I'm afraid I don't really own Drake Medical."

Luthor blinked. Say what? According to all his investigations and reports, Wayne was the primary share holder of Drake Medical, a business that until two years ago was starting to boom. Then the owner died and it went public. Wayne bought all the shares he could, making him the primary owner of this smaller company. And this particular group had the notes and research of one of the best geneticists on the planet. He was hoping to use them to further his cloning experiments.

Wayne though did not seem to be lying. In fact he seemed mildly amused and conflicted when he made this statement. His sons giggled as if it were a private joke, but said nothing. Little Timmy's attention left his card tossing exercise to the two men a little while ago, watching the bald man's confusion with interest.

After a moment of silence, Luthor spoke. "Excuse me?"

"I'm just holding on to the shares until the real owner is ready to take control of his company, if he wants it," Bruce explained. He waved a hand over to the youngest as if it was explanation enough.

The lost look on Lex's face caused a new round of laughter among the older school children. "But you own the majority of its shares."

"Currently," he admitted.

"Then you own it."

"In one sense yes, but not really." Again he motioned towards Timmy. Even Cass was holding back a laugh now.

Lex was running out of patience again. "Would you care to explain?"

Taking a deep breath, Bruce motioned towards the youngest again. "May I introduce Timothy Drake-Wayne, the late Jack and Janet Drake's son. Jack was a friend of mine in school and in his will he left me the responsibility of raising his son and making certain he could manage his company when he is older.

"I'm only holding the shares. They're actually Timmy's."

The little boy waved shyly at Luthor for a moment before looking back to his adoptive father, a smile growing on his face. Luthor just gaped at the boy then to the billionaire. This child? He was the real owner of the company he needed to perfect his cloning projects? He looked like he still wet the bed!

The megalomaniac took a moment to think this over. The kid was five, maybe. He owned the company. Wayne may influence the kid's decisions, a lot, but he didn't control the kid. He didn't even control the older ones! Who cared if they all had interesting backgrounds, this boy was the one he had to get his hands on. The only one he really had to convince.

And he was five. How hard could it be to convince a five year old to let him have a building or two that he probably never saw before?

"I see. Well then, Mr. Drake," this caught the boy's attention immediately. At least he didn't think Wayne was his real name. "How would you like to have a million lollypops?"

"Candy rots your teeth if you have too many," Timmy quickly informed him. "Plus you get dia… dia… bees?"

"Diabetes," Bruce corrected gently.

"Count on Timmy to say no to candy," Jason murmured under his breath. Dick nodded slightly, both keeping their heads down despite wanting to watch the look on Luthor's face.

"Diabetes!" the boy concluded, smiling proudly at the new word he managed to say. He looked over to his sister excitedly. "Can you say diabetes too?"

The girl stopped flicking cards into the trashcan, looking up in thought. She tested her mouth before trying. "Dea…die… dia…bu… beh… beat… betes. Dia…betes. Diabetes!"

"Perfect," Bruce complemented with a kind smile. Her smile glowed as he ruffled her hair gently. "Well done Cassandra. Well done."

"What is 'diabetes'?" Cass asked in curiosity.

"It's when you have too much sugar in you and your body can't have a lot of sugar before it starts shutting down," Timmy explained excitedly. "There's two types too! One's nicer and you don't have to get shots. I don't want diabetes."

Wayne gave a slight laugh at the explanation. "Close enough."

"Then how about a million toy cars?" Luthor was trying to spin it in a way a child would understand, but wasn't making any headway. How did parents do it?

The kid gave him a what?-are-you-crazy look before shaking his head. "Why would I want those? Jason's the one who likes cars."

The older boy shrugged his consent, not leaving his homework for a moment. Timmy continued. "Besides, if I want anything Daddy can get it. Or Alfred can make it. Or we could all make it. I like making things, don't you?"

Lex just stared at the boy, frustration growing inside him again. This kid was being difficult. He could see the amusement growing on Wayne's face too. Infuriating man. He decided to try a different tactic. "How about I just take that annoying company off yours… and Daddy's… hands for a while. You don't really need it."

Timmy gave a little pout, thinking out loud. "Daddy said that I'm too little to know what's right for it yet. He said I should wait until I'm older to make any changes. Until then, business as usual?"

He looked to his father who nodded, satisfaction all over his face. "Business as usual."

The boy nodded, smiling confidently as he looked back to Luthor. "So no. I'm sorry Mr. Luthor, but I'm not big enough to give away my father's conp… comp…any yet. Not even for a million lollypops."

The man stared at the kid in disbelief. A five year old just said no to him. A kindergartener. Said no. To him! To him of all people! The last person to say no to him was Super… wait, no. Bruce Wayne pretty much said no to him just fifteen minutes ago when he wouldn't put his kids outside for the meeting. And it was near impossible getting a hold of the guy to begin with.

He looked over to the infuriating billionaire who gave him a helpless shrug. "I'm afraid the jury has spoken. Drake Medical will stay in my care until Timothy's old enough to decide what to do with it.

"As for the joint arms venture you proposed earlier, the answer remains the same. Not in your life. I don't do guns, for anything. All my military contracts are restricted to defense and non-lethal equipment. I believe the president's new bunker is evidence enough to the proficiency of my people's handiwork." There was a steely tone in the man's words as he wrapped up the meeting. Luthor had nothing to gain by coming there, nothing at all. "I don't see us having a joint venture at this point in time. Unless you wish to talk about explorations or charities, I can't think of why we'd work together right now."

"So it would seem." Lex looked coolly at the younger man, quietly wondering if he was a manipulative businessman posing as a father just to keep control of smaller companies around Gotham. This… man-child… pretty much ruled this city, but not in the way Lex did Metropolis. And he couldn't get a single foothold in it. Wayne's new ownership of the Daily Planet and other Metropolis companies unnerved him. Wayne was moving in on his turf, but Luthor couldn't touch his. Not even a little.

He hid his frustration with a smile. It was easier keeping his cool with business matters over children after all. "Well, that being the case, I hope to see you in Washington at the next President's Ball. By then I'm certain we can agree on something to work on together."

Bruce smiled like he did as they both rose from their seats politely. As he moved around the table dividing them, he offered his hand. "Maybe so. Which weekend is it again?"

"August second," Luthor stated, taking it as the formality required him. Instantly the kids perked up at the date.

"But Dad!" Jason reminded him with a whine, "That's my birthday! You promised we'd—"

"I didn't forget," the father interrupted, smirking. "But I'll have to make an appearance. This is the president we're dealing with you know."

The kid made a disgruntled pout, then went back to his homework, muttering something about broken promises. His dad ruffled his hair absentmindedly before looking back to Luthor. "Until then."

Taking that as his cue, Lex Luthor gladly made his way out of the office and all the misfit kids inside who somehow made a family. Bruce looked over each of his kids for a moment, waiting for the door to close and footsteps to die away before grinning at them.

"Nicely done."

"Think we gave the League enough time?" Dick asked quickly, looking away from his homework. "We could run out and ask him what other kind of underwear he has."

"Still bet its all Superman brand," Jason murmured. He was still upset something else was going to happen on his birthday.

"Rule six," Bruce reminded him again.

The kid gave him an are-you-kidding-me look. "You said distract him. Short of getting him a Playboy, asking about his undies is probably the most distracting thing in the world."

"What's a playboy?" Timmy asked innocently. Cassandra cocked her head in interest as well. Dick covered his mouth to stop from laughing while Jason looked away, knowing he was in trouble now.

Bruce just sighed, shaking his head while he reached for his earpiece. "I'll explain when you're older. B to Flash. Cue Ball has left the building."

"Got it. I'll tell the others," the other end said in his ear.

He looked back towards the older boys for a moment, knowing what was going on behind their eyes. Bruce smirked. "Mind doing the kids one quick favor? Check his drawers and see if he really has Superman underwear. Find out if he wears boxers or briefs."

A/N: *diez laughing* I read a few comics where certain villains obsessed with particular heroes wore their brand of underwear. and considering Luthor eventually kinda has a child with supes... *snicker* sorry, had to be done. and of course Jason would be the one to bring it up. I have a list of the rules (could only come up with ten standard ones so far) mentioned in this one and will be brought up in others. I'll post it later.

I think this is the most I have Cass speaking so far. Drake Medical was a building I found on the maps of Gotham when I was doing research for 'Where's Robin?' and I just assumed that was one of Jack's businesses. *shrugs* it'd explain why Tim had the know-how and capabilities to try cloning Conner without alerting Bruce. Oh, and I wrote this before the previous chapter. So Luthor isn't trying to be chummy. XP

Hope you've enjoyed! suggestions and comments still wanted