And now we go back to pre-dami again. What's the worst thing a teenager has to go through? -the talk. What's the worst thing a parent has to go through? =D

Dick-14 Jason-11 Tim-7

The Question

"Daddy," Timmy started, tugging on his father's sleeve, "where do babies come from?"

Automatically Bruce froze, not knowing how to answer this one. He slowly looked over to his youngest, wondering how the idea even stirred inside him. Timmy was seven! "Um…why do you ask?"

The kid shrugged. "Ms. Harris said she was going to have a baby. So where do they come from?"

He thought about the boy's teacher, wishing she had kept her mouth shut. He was not ready to give 'the talk' to him. To anyone actually. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't talked to Dick about puberty or anything, Jason either. He had no idea how he was going to handle talking about it to Cassandra. And one of them was in high school. 'Crap. I'm really messing this one up.'

"Um… Where do you think they come from?" Bruce could avoid 'the talk' with this one for at least a few more years. Let the kid come up with his own answer.

"Well…" Timmy shrugged, remembering something. "Dick said babies come from hospitals, clinics and medical tents. Jason said they came from Wal-Mart."

"What?" Okay, that was a new one. "Wal-Mart?"

"Well he said he came from Wal-Mart, off of the clearance shelves. That Dick came from a Kmart blue light special, and Cassandra was a special order from Japan." He scrunched up his brow as he continued. "He said I came from one of those really ex…penseve… Europeen outlet specialty store. Did I really come from a store?"

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, both holding back a laugh at the outrageous story Jason came up with and praying a headache wouldn't come from talking his way around this. "Did you ask Alfred?"

"Uh huh. He said to ask you."

Figures. Alfred always liked to put him in an awkward spot with his kids. Must have been payback for all those years he gave the man trouble as a child. "I see. No Timmy. You didn't come from a store. Dick was right. You came from a hospital."

"Where do hospitals get babies?" The innocence of the question wasn't hindered by the fact that Timothy had skipped two grades recently.

His father took a deep breath before coming to a conclusion. "It's really technical and complicated. It involves a lot of kissing—"

"EEEWWWW!" The almost natural little boy response to anything romantic kicked in, making this easier.

"So it's best I don't explain everything until you're older. Say… thirteen at the earliest?" Timmy nodded vigorously, now not wanting to know. That was fine by him. "Alright. We'll resume this talk in six years."

"Okay." The boy gave his father a quick hug and ran off to distract himself with something else. Bruce on the other hand decided to track down his two other boys to see if he had to give out 'the talk' at long last. Eleven and fourteen. How time flew.

Both were in the game room, trying to beat each other at Wii bowling. He leaned against the doorframe, making sure Cass and Timmy weren't there to overhear what he had to say. "Where do babies come from again?"

The two jerked around at their dad's voice, blinking in surprise. "Uhhh… The hospital?" "Wal-Mart?"

He raised an eyebrow at them. Years being with them and being a detective, Bruce knew when they were lying. "Let's try that again. Where do babies come from?"

"Please don't give us the talk," Dick pleaded, his eyes begging doggie style. He really didn't want it. "Sex-ed classes were enough."

"Uh huh…" He looked over to Jason. "Aaaaannnd you learned how they were made… how?"

Jason gave a sheepish grin, looking away guiltily. "Well… there were these ladies back when I was a kid I used to talk to… and then I saw something on TV… and they did this whole puberty thing in my class, separating the boys from the girls… I just pieced it all together."

"Hm." The man considered their sources for a moment before coming out with his other question. "And where did the 'hospital' and 'Wal-Mart' answers come from?"

They shrugged, talking at the same time. "That's what my dad told me." "My mom said 'we found you at Wal-Mart'."

"Hm. Clever. Beats cabbage patches." This gained a slight relieved snicker from the boys. Bruce stood up straight again, about to leave them to their fun. "Just a few rules that Alfred gave me until I was an adult: not under this roof, and you're not allowed to sleep over at a girl's place. Preferably not at all until after marriage, but who am I to talk."

They all looked elsewhere as a few awkward laughs escaped their lips. Their father smirked before looking straight back into their eyes. "Don't explain it to Timmy or Cassandra either, at least not until they're in their teenage years. If anyone asks, we had 'the talk'."

"That talk's gonna be really interesting when it's Cass' turn," Jason pointed out, grinning slightly.

"That's my problem," Bruce reminded them. "And I have a few years to figure that one out."

"Hopefully she'll figure it out on her own too," Dick murmured, unpausing the game. And privately, all of them agreed.

A/N: *diez laughing* okay, I never had 'the talk'. the closest i got to one was those puberty and sex-ed courses at school during PE. Everything else I kinda pieced together from TV and comics. Church and my parents just said 'not until after marriage' and all those wonderful classes I had thrown at me as a kid/teen with all the STDs they brought up were enough discouragement for me. End of story.

As for the whole question, I learned in a few classes that sometimes kids ask it because of something completely innocent and they don't want 'The Talk', so always ask them why first. Those answers though... who's read Calvin and Hobbs? Calvin's dad said he was a blue light special. My parents used to joke that they got my sister from Albertsons. Another parent said they got their kids from Wal-Mart. Others say hospital. I still don't know where they got the cabbage patch story, but that's kinda a nod to Batman and Sons by The-BlackCat on Deviantart where Tim also asks where they came from and is always told it was a cabbage patch. Fun answers. Dunno which one I'll be feeding my kids until they put two and two together.

Well, on to the next short, okiday? ;]