Pre-Dami. Honestly, this came about because of a comment I made in someone else's fic. I know I've said I'm on hiatus here (hey, I haven't progressed the timeline any) but some lighter fics were needed in my head due to how dark and depressing some of the other fics I've been working on/getting out of the way, are. So, for giggles...

Dick-14 Jason-11

A Domestic Attempt

"Mac 'n Cheese," Dick insisted, almost begging the man. "Mac 'n Cheese. I know you can boil water, and there's a really easy trick to cooking noodles where it won't run dry and ruin the food, and pot."

His father gave him a side long look as he poked through the dinner recipes Alfred had prepared years ago. "I'm perfectly capable of cooking meat and vegetables Dick."

"Not from where I'm standing!" Bruce glared at him but it had little effect on him. This was an emergency situation for him. Alfred was gone for a week, and in the Wayne household, that was not something to look forward to. They knew they could handle the day to day cleaning and they could always send their clothes out for cleaning if they ran out and didn't want to try doing laundry (Dick and Jason weren't too bad at it, except ironing). Bruce could always manage to drive everyone where they needed to be, and if not him he could get Lucius Fox or Leslie Thompkins to help. They weren't about to run out of food and could always order out. No these were not the reasons they dreaded Alfred leaving.

It was because no one could stop Bruce from trying to cook dinner.

"Look, you remember when you tried lasagna? Too spicy, burnt on top, soggy on bottom, and half the meat was raw. And you put in baby corn, peppers, and okra. Were you trying to make gumbo or lasagna? And you used ketchup and salsa for the sauce. Really? What were you thinking?!"

"The pages were stuck together," the so-not-perfect man growled. "I'm using his recipe cards this time."

"The recipe for Mac 'n Cheese is right in the box!" Dick waved over to a box of instant Macaroni and Cheese. Officially they were emergency rations. Unofficially they were the kids' snack when Alfred's back was turned and they wanted something hot. Both Jason and Dick had grown up on it and knew how to follow the instructions there, even before they could read. Even knew how to make it taste better.

"Instant foods have artificial ingredients," the man stressed. "Those aren't good for a growing body."

"Then cut up some fresh vegetables and serve them! There's plenty of carrots, celery, broccoli and cauliflower in the crisping drawer. There's cans of corn and beans in the pantry too. And there's bananas, berries, apples and oranges lying around." The young acrobat was about to bring out the puppy dog eyes to beg he wouldn't try using the stove. "They'll make up the nutritional difference. Just please! Don't cook anything!"

"Dick," a final tone entered his voice, telling him this discussion was over, "I'm perfectly capable of cooking dinner. Just go finish your homework and make sure no one's make a mess of things."

Dismayed and feeling it was inevitable, he tried one last time. "Please don't do this. Just do some instant stuff and fresh fruit and vegies instead. Alfred will totally understand. And a little artificial ingredients won't kill us. We could always eat out until Alfred comes back instead. I hear-"

"It's a school night." Bruce came up to the boy and started pushing him out of the kitchen. "You have homework. Get busy on that and let me figure out this recipe. Now."

"But-"

"NOW!"

Out of the oh so nice kitchen and in the hallway attached to the fancy dining room, Dick knew his fate was set in stone. Slumping his shoulders, he walked towards the main part of the house and the grand staircase and started towards where the rest of his family was waiting. In the entertainment room, they had gathered to watch TV and do their homework at the same time (most of their stuff was done already anyway). And Dick was doing recon to see what dinner was.

"Bad news everybody." Someone pause the show to they could listen to him better. The teen pouted as he delivered the message of doom. "Bruce is cooking. From scratch."

Each of his siblings' eyes doubled in size, knowing exactly what that meant. Sighing, Jason got out of his seat and headed towards the door. "I'll go find a fire extinguisher."

The place smelled. Smoke from the hot pad their dad carelessly burned to a crisp was still going strong. Jason managed to hand over the extinguisher in time, but Bruce's aim was too good to ruing the food this time. Their one shot of not having to eat his horrid cooking was blown because of Batman's accuracy. Grudgingly they sat around the table and stared at the concoction the man had cooked up.

It was fish. It was supposed to be a white fish, but somehow it turned out brown. Dark brown. Bruce insisted it wasn't burnt. Well it didn't flake like other burnt things. What the seasoning was on top was a mystery. Boneless fish meat, each cooked thoroughly (he cut each one open to be certain). There were some cooked vegetables set next to each piece of meat, but they were all covered in some sauce and diced up so thoroughly that they couldn't tell what was what. Then there was the rice. It hardly looked cooked.

"Maybe Dad can't boil water," Jason murmured, getting a muffled snicker from his siblings. There was a subtle cough just behind him and guiltily he looked up to where their father was looming over them.

"Try it," Bruce insisted. "You may like it."

The four children exchanged worried glances then took up their forks. Timmy went for the veggie concoction while Cass tried the rice. Dick went for the meat and Jason tried putting a little of everything on the same utensil. They could hear the crunching of the rice coming from Cass and Jason's mouth. Timmy immediately grabbed his water to help him swallow his mouthful of veggies. Dick just swallowed the fish best he could, smacking his lips loudly when he was done.

"Well, I'm full."

"Me too." Quickly each of the Wayne children dropped their forks on their plates and ran out of the room. "Enjoy dinner Dad!"

"Hey!" Bruce gaped after the four of them, not quite fast enough to stop them from fleeing the table. "Get back here and finish your dinner!"

Jason grinned, stopping in the doorway for a moment. "Nah, we're good. One bite filled us right up. Try it. You might like it."

The cheeky grade schooler ran before his dad could stop him, taking a quick path to a deserted part of the manor. Even the owner of the place didn't know every nook and cranny of the house. Knowing he'd never catch up, Bruce huffed out a frustrated sigh. Sure his cooking wasn't Alfred's level, but it certainly couldn't be that bad. Taking up his own fork, he tried his cooking.

Bitter and spicy, crunchy where it should be soft, mush when it should be firm. A hand went to his face and he groaned. And he was certain he followed the recipe this time.

Unknown to him, the four children who ran away from his cooking, had a visitor sneaking in through one of the many windows there with a picnic basket. Superman grinned as he was greeted by Dick and the others. "Special delivery from Kent Farms! Who wants chicken pot pie?"

A/N: isn't it cannon that Bruce can't cook, despite how much he tries? I do hear he can boil water though, and can make soup. Good thing Grandma Kent is such a willing cook. XD There was one time my dad made dinner and put a fist full of pepper into the stew. My dad's not a bad cook, really, but that night no one could eat what he made. I have a low spice tolerance but high in other places. Seriously, no one but him could figure it out. I think after it we all made ramen or sandwiches for ourselves and he was told to eat the stew himself. And yes, you can melt a metal pot. A friend did it.

Now a quick, easy way to do noodles/rice that my mom taught me: boil water in a over half full pot. Just water (can add salt if you want). When it's at a roaring boil, put in the noodles/rice (rice triples in size so measure accordingly). Turn off the heat, put on lid. Leave it alone for 20 minutes. Drain. Serve. Viola! If you can boil water, you can cook noodles/rice! Guaranteed being cooked. If you want it to be part of a special recipe though (like lasagna) better follow their instructions instead.