C/W: Contains abusive behaviour, smut, and dub con/rape. Will contain Data/Tasha fluff and eventual smut. Lore is a master of manipulation. Lore/Beverly (but it's not what it seems).
This is a fic in which Lore (still his loveably flawed, chaotic self) plays the long con before showing his true colours. Also, Lore and Data have significantly greater capacity to feel than canon suggests.
Tasha's face contorted.
It was the strangest sensation.
She was staring at a face she knew well. And yet, it was so different at the same time.
It had all the same angles of the android she loved, but his hair was a little longer. The signature alabaster tone of his bioplast that seemed to shimmer ever so slightly, was gone – entirely replaced by a natural, rosy beige hue.
His lips had retained the same shape. But they had colour – human colour.
And his eyes were blue.
Tasha looked down at the hand she was holding and was surprised to find no trace of his typical pallor.
"What did you do yourself?" she asked.
Data's face dropped.
"Is it not pleasing?" he asked, terrified his efforts had been in vain.
Tasha blinked, trying to wrap her head around this abrupt change.
"Why?" she managed to ask.
Data got up from his chair and sat down on the edge of her bed.
He brushed her bangs back out of her face.
"Because I saw how terrified you were when I came into your quarters. And I do not ever want you to feel that way about me," Data shared. "I do not want you to ever look upon me with fear. It is not my desire to evoke such a feeling in you."
Tasha closed her eyes as she thought back to that night.
She had called him Lore.
In the panic of being awoken to find her locks being overridden, her safe haven breached, Tasha had thought it was Lore.
"My existence is a reminder of your trauma," Data said. "I felt the least I could do was to take steps to try and change that."
He noticed a tear escape from her left eye. Data brushed it away with his thumb, his finger barely ghosting across her cheek. In his attempt to be mindful about physical intimacy, he brought a whole new meaning to the idea of a light touch.
"Especially given that it was my fault," Data added.
Tasha shook her head.
"Not your fault," she said.
"You were harmed because of me," Data said.
"This happened because your brother chose to hurt me," Tasha replied. "It's not anyone's fault but his."
It felt good to finally say that.
It was an important step toward healing.
She opened her eyes and looked up the new, human-like Data.
Suddenly, a look of horror flashed in Tasha's face.
"I'm sorry," she said quickly.
She didn't want to hurt Data's feelings – not after he'd confessed how hurt he had been upon seeing her afraid of him.
"It's, it's the drugs," Tasha said.
She blinked and took a few slow breaths.
"Your face is melting," Tasha said, attempting to describe what she thought was a hallucination.
Data's hand flew to his face, touching his cheek where his bioplast began to dissolve.
He rushed over to a nearby mirror to inspect the damage.
"This is not supposed to happen so quickly," Data said, his voice full of dread.
The complex dye he had injected into his bioplast contained a number of chemicals that interacted negatively with the composition of his bioplast.
But in all of the simulations, it hadn't occurred so quickly.
Data stared in horror as the synthetic flesh on his hands was literally being eaten away by the chemicals in his system.
With great sadness, Data accessed his neural net and conducted a complete toxin flush of his synthetic exterior casing – stopping the harmful chemicals before they could do any further damage.
It removed the dye, and, with it, what Data felt was his best hope to repair his relationship with Tasha.
Data knew the risk when he'd started. It was one he was willing to take for a chance at proving his intentions to Tasha.
He could fix the damage to his bioplast. It was a simple enough process to regrow more in the lab.
But he didn't know if he could restore the relationship he and Tasha had once shared – not while he was the living embodiment of her nightmare.
"Data?" Tasha asked.
He heard a creak as she crawled out of bed.
"You are not supposed to be up. You should not put weight on your foot," Data cautioned.
Tasha ignored him as she hobbled over toward Data.
He had turned away from her. Data was clutching his hands to his chest in an effort to hide the extent of his damage.
He felt uncomfortably bare with his circuitry on display, the lights below his skin blinking and flashing as his system was exposed for all to see.
Revealing that underneath all the parts and pieces designed to make him seem humanoid, he was nothing like that.
Exposing what he really was.
Data felt like a monster.
Using the cot for support, Tasha managed to work her way in his direction. She hopped toward him and misjudged the effects of the sedative, stumbling into Data and catching herself against his body.
"Sorry," she slurred.
Data helped her back to the bed.
When he set her down, he moved to leave.
Tasha's hand shot out and caught him.
"Stay?" she pleaded.
She didn't mind the open, metal circuitry of his fingers.
"Please," she added, holding his hand a little tighter.
Data sat back down on the edge of the bed.
Tasha sat up and rested her head against his chest.
After a few moments, Data lifted his arm to return the embrace.
It may not have been exactly how he had planned to patch things up, but it seemed his plan had worked regardless.
After having been fitted with an antigrav sleeve for her foot, Tasha had been released from sickbay and was free to go for the evening.
Data felt bad about frightening Nurse Ogowa when she had returned to check on Tasha.
He could only imagine how unnatural his exposed circuitry was to humans.
But there was little that could phase him.
It had been strange enough to see the Second Officer enter sickbay looking like a human. To see such a rapid and shocking change had been more than enough to fuel nightmares for the medical staff.
With Data's help, Tasha had managed to hobble back to her own quarters.
She had insisted on walking and had adamantly refused Data's offer to carry her there.
She'd have to wear the sleeve for about a week. At the very least, Tasha was grateful to be out of sickbay and back in her own space.
Data had carefully helped her reach the sofa.
When they sat down, Tasha had reached up to cup his face.
Her eyes were full of pity.
"Can you change them back?" Tasha asked hesitantly.
Data cocked his head to the side.
"Your eyes," Tasha clarified.
She bit her lip.
A part of her felt ashamed for asking.
"I miss your eyes," she confessed.
Data's eyes visibly registered genuine surprise at this request. It was odd to see such a familiar reaction on such a radically altered face.
"You have such lovely golden eyes," Tasha told him.
Data reached up to cover her hand with his own as he wordlessly conveyed his gratitude.
Data decided to take a risk.
He brought her hand to his mouth.
"May I?" Data inquired.
"Yes," Tasha responded.
He pressed his lips to the back of her hand and then set it down on her lap.
Data turned away and carefully removed the specialised lenses he had designed to fit over his optical receptors.
He set them down on the coffee table and turned back to Tasha.
She studied the odd blue objects, morbidly fascinated that he could construct the complex device in such a short timeframe.
"May I hold you?" Data asked.
Tasha nodded.
He took hold of her hands and rested his forehead against her own.
It wasn't the closest of embraces, but Data wanted to leave her breathing room as he recognised it was important that she not feel suffocated.
Intimacy without smothering.
It had been a hallmark of the earliest days of their relationship from a time when Tasha was still learning to navigate what felt safe and what didn't.
Data had been more than patient to let Tasha take her time as she learned to reconnect with her own body and reclaim herself.
As they sat there under the glow from stars outside her window, Data told her that it was a road he was willing to walk back down with her – as many times as necessary and only as far as she was willing to go – as long as it meant being together.
And for the first time since Geordi's birthday party two weeks earlier, Tasha had asked Data to spend the night with her.
It wasn't an invitation for sex.
Rather, she'd asked if Data would stay next to her.
After they had slipped under the covers, Tasha had rested her head on his chest.
"Is this alright?" Data asked as he put one hand on her back.
"Mmm hmm," Tasha replied.
She was asleep in less than ten minutes – finally getting the rest she had so desperately needed.
Across the ship, Beverly was snug in bed with Lore having just completed a rather ardent and much-needed hour of lovemaking.
She was lazily tracing circles on his chest as she mulled over a question that had been on her mind all day.
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Beverly asked suddenly.
"Darling, I just spent the last thirty-eight minutes and fifteen seconds hitting your cervix," Lore said in a playfully chastising tone. "I believe we are well past the need to feel nervous about personal questions."
Beverly grinned against his skin and pressed a tender kiss to his chest.
"What's on your mind?" Lore prompted.
"What's the problem between you and Data?" Beverly asked bluntly.
Lore took a deep, artificial breath. Right away, Beverly could tell she had touched on a nerve.
She reasoned she may need to provide some background to her request for information.
"The other night you had that physical altercation where he hit you," Beverly explained. "And he said some things in sickbay that-"
"What did he say?" Lore demanded.
It was a slip of the tongue, a sudden, stark departure from his typical façade that it sent a chill right through Beverly.
"I'm sorry," Lore said quickly in an attempt to smooth over his mistake. "I am just frustrated by Data abusing his position because he has something against me personally."
He had chosen his words carefully, manipulating the pre-existing notions that he had worked so hard to cultivate in his beloved Doctor Crusher's compassionate mind.
"He does seem to carry a grudge for whatever occurred between you two," Beverly remarked. "And it would seem he's convinced Captain Picard and Lieutenant Yar to share in that distrust."
She couldn't see Lore smirk.
He could kill two birds with one stone – win Beverly's trust and start planting the seeds of discord against Data.
Lore had to stop himself from laughing.
His brother's stupid little Lieutenant and her plucky, independent attitude had proven to be better than anything he could have hoped for.
"Beverly, I do not wish to betray the confidence of anyone, nor do I want to influence your impression of your fellow officers," Lore began. "But I fear I must confide in you a most unpleasant experience."
Lore gave silent thanks to old Often-Wrong Soong for his creative ability to weave together such a perfect cover story – sealed with his golden tongue.
He told Beverly all about Data and Tasha's secret relationship that they kept so carefully hidden from the rest of the crew including Lore – leaving out the part that he sussed out their secret prior to their encounter on the holodeck.
He explained that it had all occurred during Geordi's birthday and that in an effort to blend in with the crowd, Lore had unwittingly accepted Lieutenant Yar's invitation to the holodeck that evening.
"I assumed it was another part of the party," Lore lied. "And then I realised we were alone."
Beverly listened in shock as Lore described the events of that night.
"She attempted to initiate a sexual encounter. When her intentions became clear, I attempted to return to the party," Lore continued. "Lieutenant Yar was rather-"
He trailed off for dramatic effect.
"Persistent," Lore settled on.
As she absorbed Lore's tale, Beverly felt like it all made sense. Data and Tasha were incredibly close, and it only made sense that they would keep their relationship private.
And Tasha was notoriously tenacious when she set her sights on something.
Or, it seemed in this case, someone.
"As you know, most humans do not see me as a person. She was so insistent and attentive that I was flattered," Lore went on.
"Are you saying you had sex with Tasha?" Beverly asked.
She felt a little odd about shacking up with someone a friend had slept with – although she wasn't sure how much of a friend Tasha was anymore given her relationship with Lore.
It seemed Tasha didn't want anything to do with him.
"We did engage in an act of sexual intimacy," Lore confessed. "And had I known that she thought I was my brother, I would never have agreed to participate."
Beverly frowned.
"But how could she not know?" Beverly asked incredulously. "You're nothing alike!"
Not only were the two Soong brothers lightyears apart personality wise, but Beverly also couldn't understand how Tasha and Lore could go on without realising the error.
"Lieutenant Yar had some kind of roleplaying programme running on the holodeck. She would only refer to me in character. In fact, she insisted upon it," Lore added darkly.
He took no small sense of satisfaction in painting his brother's little love interest as some kind of kinky whore. If it sullied her reputation with her friends, it would only serve to further isolate her – and that was critical to Lore's long-term plan.
"What?" Beverly laughed.
Beverly was stranger to weird and wonderful when it came to sex. As a doctor, she'd seen her fair share of injuries and questions when it came to kinky play.
But Tasha was so straight-laced and private. It was hard to believe Tasha and the ever-dull Data were rolling around on the holodeck in some kind of elaborate sexual fantasy roleplay.
"Ravenous," Lore shared.
"Really?" Beverly asked as she sat up.
Lore nodded.
Beverly sat back in disbelief.
"It's always the quiet ones," she commented.
Lore sighed.
"In fact, I think that was how she first started to catch on. You see, once we'd been at it for a while, it became clear she wasn't expecting that kind of response," Lore went on. "I got the impression my brother is a little more, well, reserved in his affections."
Beverly quirked an eyebrow at Lore.
That factoid didn't surprise her in the slightest. In everything they did, Lore was more vibrant and natural. Data, despite being a friend, was a little too stiff for Beverly's taste.
"I think at some point she realised who I was because she made a comment about how much she needed it," Lore continued. "Like it had been a long time since anyone had really held her like that."
A pained, longing look crossed Lore's face.
"It's sad really. Tragic that anyone would have to go through life with a partner that can't quite meet their needs. But then again, that isn't Data's fault. His programming isn't as sophisticated," Lore said.
It wasn't all a line – Tasha had thought there was something unusually dark and different about him that night. And until she had realised it was Lore, she'd been keen enough to play along – hungry for his touch, starved for the dirty words he had whispered in her ear.
It was like a drug that sent Lore right into a state of euphoria whenever he replayed the memory.
"I don't think she was expecting Data to walk in," Lore shared.
Beverly's eyebrows shot up.
"Data found you like that? In the middle of?" she trailed off, gesturing with her hands.
Lore nodded.
"He was confused, and I think more than a little hurt. Lieutenant Yar was initially pretty shocked, but when she came round to it she tried to clear it up with him," Lore explained. "When that went south, she got mad at me."
"But it wasn't your fault," Beverly chimed in.
Lore shrugged.
"Perhaps I should have been more firm, who can tell?" Lore offered. "The cultural norms surrounding sexual intimacy are much different here than they were on Omicron Theta."
"So when you said Data got mad at you for trying to help?" Beverly cut herself off, not quite sure how to phrase her question.
She'd been curious ever since Lore had returned the other night with part of his face smashed in.
"Lieutenant Yar later approached me and requested that I offer Data some advice on how to, let's just say, improve his performance," Lore said. "He wasn't too fond of hearing that."
"Who would be?" Beverly asked in response.
She could only imagine the horror of one of her friends coming to tell her a lover was unsatisfied in bed – and that they knew exactly how to please them.
"Their relationship has been strained since," Lore told her. "I fear that my brother lacks the proper programming to fully satisfy the emotional component of a human relationship."
He gave a resigned sigh, really selling his fake empathy.
Lore turned his gaze back to Beverly and took her hand.
She was focused on nothing as she tried to process all of this information.
She was drawn out of her thoughts by a squeeze from Lore.
"Darling?" he prompted.
"Sorry, that's just a lot of information. And I wasn't quite expecting that ," Beverly said.
"That what?" Lore asked.
"That you slept with Tasha," Beverly responded. "It's just a little weird given that we work together."
"Ohhh," Lore cooed as he pulled her down against him. "That was nothing. She's not my beautiful, smart, oh-so-wonderful Doctor."
He dropped his hands to cup her backside.
"You, my dear, are someone special," Lore told her. "What we share is greater than any other relationship I've ever had with a human."
Beverly keened softly as she felt his sexuality programme engage.
"No one has ever loved me like you," Lore purred as he planted a series of soft kisses across her collarbone, lost in a cascade of her red hair as it fell around him.
The head of his cock brushed against her sex, still wet and aroused from their recent activity.
Lore slipped inside of her and then rolled them together so that he was on top.
He nipped at the soft swell of her breast before turning his attention to her left nipple. His tongue darted out and laved over that particularly sensitive portion of her anatomy, drawing to attention as it stood erect as a testament to her arousal.
He grinned as he heard his name fall from her lips, urging him to proceed.
Lore kissed down the length of her abdomen, stopping just shy of where she needed him.
He rubbed his face against her stomach.
"What does my sweet girl need?" he asked.
It may have seemed like innocent dirty talk, but this was critical for Lore. It was all part of his efforts to slowly condition Beverly to melt at his touch, to develop an addiction to the kind of intimate experience only he could provide.
It fed not only his need for the kind of emotional fix Lore craved, but it also reinforced the attention and praise that Lore craved.
He longed to be needed.
He existed to learn through touch and feel. And he could think of no better tool for learning than exploring that connection through intimate contact.
Lore spread her legs, revealing her marvellous little cunt that was ready and waiting for his pleasure.
He nibbled at the soft flesh on the inside of Beverly's thighs, teasing her with how temptingly close he was and yet just shy of the spot she needed him most to touch.
"Is this what you wanted?" Lore asked, taunting her.
"Lore, please ," Beverly said in a low, husky tenor.
He flatted his tongue, swiping over her slit slowly.
Beverly groaned.
"Please," she implored him.
Lore pressed a soft kiss between her legs and then flipped her over. Before Beverly could react, he had pulled her up to her knees and back against his body. He ground his erection against her backside, making her shiver with anticipation.
Beverly rolled her hips against him.
She figured two could play at that game.
"Tell me, does she do this for you?" Beverly asked in a teasing voice.
"Hmm?" Lore replied lazily.
He buried himself in her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and relishing every second of it.
"Tasha. Did she do this for you?" Beverly said, pressing his buttons as she wiggled her arse against his cock.
Lore chuckled.
"No, sweetheart," Lore assured her.
He snaked his arms around Beverly as he bit down on her shoulder.
"Mmmm," Beverly said.
A low, guttural groan escaped her throat as Lore slipped inside.
No, they were as different as night and day. Where Beverly was all a flirtatious, sexual energy just waiting for a match, his brother's Lieutenant was soft gasps and timid touches.
Beverly had a vibrant, complex aura. She was a rare vintage just waiting for the right someone to savour the multifaceted depths of her personality – nurturing, but inquisitive. Compassionate, but certainly not weak.
In contrast, Lore felt like Tasha was hiding behind a prim and stoic façade.
Where Beverly screamed, Tasha whimpered.
The real Tasha Yar, the one he had seen, had been almost afraid of the hunger that lay within her. Lore knew there was an eager little sex kitten just waiting to be coaxed out of her shell.
She needed a little nurturing and guidance – more so than his brother could provide.
Lore saw Beverly as his sexual partner. In every way, she was a match for his energy and his mind. And she deserved every ounce of affection that he could give her.
Tasha was his sexual project. He'd break her, deflower her, and then build her back up in his image so that she would be ready to do what was required for Lore's long-term plan.
As he plunged himself into his dear, sweet Doctor, Lore grinned to himself.
Yes, it was all going according to plan.
And when it all shook out in the end, his dear brother would be the one disassembled and Lore would be the golden boy.
When Beverly awoke the next morning, Lore was already up. He had set the table and made breakfast – including making a trip to the arboretum to pick up a fresh carnation for her.
Juliana had instilled within all her boys how important the 'little things' were in a relationship.
Beverly had given him a satisfied smirk as she'd slipped out to grab a fresh towel.
After last night's activities, she was in desperate need of a shower.
Her hair was tousled – a wild mess of curls, tangled from rolling around in the sheets. Lore thought she looked divine.
Beverly padded back across the carpet toward the lavvy. She assured Lore she wouldn't be more than ten minutes.
"Take you time, darling," Lore replied as he glanced up from his tablet. "I like my baby to look her best."
Beverly blushed and shook her head with a quiet laugh.
"It's a shame you can't go into work like this," Lore added.
Beverly looked confused.
"I just mean you look your best after being thoroughly sexed and it's a pity I'm the only one that gets to see it," Lore remarked casually before returning to his coffee.
Down in the canteen, Tasha had been pouring through Commander Riker's official First Officer log reports from the last month.
She had woken up safe in Data's arms having gotten her first real night's sleep in ages.
Data had stayed up through the night in order to ensure he was on hand if needed. He didn't want to activate his dream programme lest he disturb her slumber with any sort of movement.
Tasha had awoken, stirring shortly before 04:00.
That was atypical as she was used to being an early riser.
They'd snuggled in bed for a time, Tasha feeling a little more confident in being close after spending the night in his arms.
While not wrapped tightly around one another, she was comfortable enough to let Data drape his arm of her – and that was a start.
Data had advised it was not necessary for her to show up for morning report, but Tasha had insisted on going. She was technically on restricted to light duty and that didn't exempt her from report.
So Data had prepared a morning meal while she'd hobbled about getting ready.
Breakfast had been a quiet and uneventful affair.
However, she had reached across the table to hold his hand towards the end of it.
And when Data asked if she still wished to spend shore leave together on Tauphi VI, Tasha had agreed.
She reasoned a few days away from everyone might be just the thing they needed to reconnect and gain back some semblance of normal.
There would never be any getting back to 'before.'
But they were both feeling confident with a little time and a lot of love that they could learn to move forward and reclaim their own sex life without Lore hanging between them.
"How's it coming?" Commander Riker asked.
He was seated one table over.
The rest of the team had been sent away with Worf to clean out the primate living quarters in the exobiology lab.
Tasha knew Riker was going easy on her.
He wouldn't have blamed her for not showing up. In fact, he had hoped she would take a few days off.
But he was surprised to see her waiting there at 4:50 in the morning, ready for another mundane task as part of this strange, self-imposed punishment she was keen to take.
Based on the exchange he had overheard between Lore and Data in the ready room, Commander Riker thought he had enough information to piece together part of the story.
It was clear that somewhere, somehow an incident had occurred between Data, Lore, and a woman that Lore had called Data's 'girlfriend.'
According to Lore, she had mistaken one brother for the other and had made persistent, overt sexual advances in his direction.
Just how far those advances had gone remained a mystery to Riker.
Data had asserted there had been deception involved, implying that Lore's intentions had been to deceive or manipulate Data's partner.
How much pressure and/or how dubious the consent was also remained unclear.
Though fuzzy on the finer points, Riker felt he had enough information to bet that Tasha was that woman.
And if this were a poker game, he'd place a substantial wager that her self-entitled 'penance' was because she was feeling guilty about the whole affair.
Whatever had actually gone down on the holodeck, it was enough to bring the androids to blows and drive a wedge between Tasha and Captain Picard.
Riker had opted to assign her the task of proofreading his reports. It would keep her off her injured foot and give her space to work alone.
After the incident in the Jefferies tube, he didn't want her to feel unsafe.
He never wanted to have to see her like that again.
The whole thing had haunted him all night. He couldn't shake the image of her dead in the eyes, nonchalantly asking how he wanted her to surrender as it if were as routine as asking he wanted cream in his coffee.
He shuddered at the thought of anyone feeling that way – and it was only worse that he considered her a dear friend.
Tasha sensed he was nervous around her.
As much as she wanted to forget what had happened, she knew it was important to address the matter. She didn't want Commander Riker to go on feeling traumatised himself because of her.
They were alone in the canteen, and it would be another hour before the rest of the crew began to stagger in for breakfast.
Tasha reasoned it was as good a chance as any to talk.
"Commander?" Tasha asked to get his attention.
"Yes?" Riker replied, looking up from his tablet.
"Can we talk about what happened yesterday?" Tasha questioned.
Commander Riker paled.
"Look, Lieutenant, I'm sorry about what I did," Riker began to say.
Tasha shook her head.
"I'm sorry," Tasha said, cutting him off.
"Tasha, there's no need to apologise. I was the one that-" Riker started again.
"It wasn't you," Tasha said in a determined voice.
It was important that he understood that.
"It wasn't you," she repeated in a slower voice.
She set the tablet down on the surface of her table and hauled herself up to her feet.
Tasha hobbled over to his table and sat down across from him.
As she sat down, Riker wasn't sure what to expect. But he wanted to give her the space necessary to talk. For nearly a week he'd been trying to get her to open up.
Now that the moment was finally here, Will Riker found he was a bit scared of what might come out.
"I don't want to go into details," Tasha began.
Commander Riker visibly relaxed.
He didn't want to know the details, and Tasha felt they were unnecessary.
"I think it's pretty obvious based on what you witnessed that you pieced together why I reacted the way I did," Tasha said.
She inhaled sharply and turned her attention to the window.
"There's a part of my life that I don't want anyone to ever see and she's a scared, terrified little girl trapped on a stupid planet that the Federation abandoned a long time ago," Tasha said.
Her voice broke and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
It was easier to talk about her experiences in the third person, the characterise herself as someone else rather than to admit it through the use of 'I' or 'me.'
"And she learned that when running, hiding, or fighting failed because they were too fast, or too big, or too many of them that it was easier to just let them have their way," Tasha continued. "Or that it was easier to go along with it if it meant protection from being on the road."
It wasn't all violent. In fact, most of her experience had been at the hands of men that had taken her in. Tasha herself was the only thing of value that she had to offer anyone, and on Turkana, it was the currency. She'd stayed with more than a few men who'd given her a 'safe' home - and by safe that meant a place to sleep in a dingy shack or a mobile camp. She'd work to earn her keep. But part of that work also meant letting them touch her.
They couldn't have cared less that she was a child.
She took a shaky breath and turned back to face Riker.
"So when you tried to stop me and I knew my back was pinned, I fell back on what I knew," Tasha confessed. "Which was to lie there and pray that it would be over fast and that I wouldn't be killed when it was done."
Will Riker didn't know what to say.
"I know that you, Will Riker, would never hurt me," Tasha assured him.
He was a dear friend and a fine officer. More than that, Will Riker cared about his crew more than he should have.
He'd bend over backwards, violate protocol, and risk his own neck for any of them.
Beyond that, Tasha knew that Commander Riker took matters of consent seriously. It was one of the things that had made him the most desirable bachelor on the ship.
Riker cared about his partners whether they were short liaisons or longer-term commitments.
He had a motto that there was nothing sexier than a clear, enthusiastic yes and he lived by that.
"It wasn't you," Tasha reiterated. "It was every manky, unwashed, prick that ever roamed that godforsaken hellhole of my birth."
Under the table, she clenched and unclenched her fists and then shook her hands.
"I'm telling you this because I know you're bothered by it. And I don't want you to be," Tasha shared. "No one else needs to be traumatised because of this – least of all you."
She paused to wipe her eyes again.
"You're a very tender heart, Will Riker. And the world needs more people like you," Tasha said. "I don't want to be the reason you stopped loving others."
Tasha chuckled to herself.
It was funny how people handled trauma in different ways.
During her early years at Starfleet Academy, Tasha had sought so desperately to convince herself that she wasn't traumatised, that she'd spent three sloppy years looking for physical reassurance in all the wrong places.
There was a time where she couldn't think of anything better than getting blackout drunk and throwing herself at the nearest cadet, or civilian, or officer – or anyone that would hold her and tell her she was pretty.
She always kept things casual, afraid to commit to anything lest she be forced to confront her past should the inevitable questions about her childhood emerge.
And then one of those casual liaisons had turned into a not-so-casual association with someone that had seen her for what she was – a scared, traumatised child in need of support.
He'd gotten her sober and back on track with her studies.
And the first time Tasha Yar had sex sober she'd been so petrified that she had cut off all contact with the first man that had ever really cared about her.
Thus had begun a decade of sobriety and celibacy.
Until Data had come along, Tasha had been ready to resign herself to a life alone. She was happy enough with her friends and her career.
"You know, a year ago I couldn't even stomach the idea of snogging let alone sex," Tasha said as she confided in the First Officer. "Hell, I still get nervous."
She wasn't sure what compelled her to share that, but she wanted Will to understand why she felt it was necessary for him not to blame himself.
"But I've come to reconsider that. I think that when things are right between people it can be a really beautiful thing," Tasha remarked.
She was picking at her fingernails now. It was a nervous habit she had picked up in her youth.
"And you bring some of that beauty to the world, Commander," Tasha told him. "And I don't want that to change just because I'm a bit of a mess when it comes to being physically close to men."
Tasha had always been strict about personal boundaries – she even tensed on an away mission when the Vitaoli people (who hugged to signify peace) had given her a brief embrace at the conclusion of their treaty ceremony.
"Sorry. I'm rambling," Tasha said.
"No, no," Riker assured her. "I'm glad you did. Thank you for sharing."
Will Riker's mind was struggling to focus as waded through Tasha's words.
"And Tasha? I'm always here if you want to ramble," he said with a small smile.
"Thanks," Tasha replied.
She hobbled back over to her previous spot and resumed her work.
Commander Riker was truly grateful that she had confided in him. It was reassuring to know that her response hadn't actually been fear of him personally nor was it directly caused by anything he'd done.
But there was something she'd said that had tripped off the alarm bells in his head.
You know, a year ago I couldn't even stomach the idea of snogging let alone sex.
Hell, I still get nervous.
Commander Riker set down his tablet and folded his hands on the table.
My brother is upset because his girlfriend came on to me.
Commander Riker looked across the room to where Tasha was proofreading his logs.
As he studied her, everything that knew about Tasha screamed there was no way she was the lascivious, sex-starved predator Lore had described.
And although I initially turned down the offer, she was quite insistent.
Will Riker frowned.
Lore had lied.
The only question was why.