Long time no see! Thought of this while I had hiccups at work today. enjoy!
Dick-13 Jason-9 Timmy-5
Hiccups
Hic
Hic
HIC!
Dick jerked around at the loud one, then at the muffled talking just outside his bedroom door. He'd been hearing the cute squeak all afternoon but hadn't done a single thing because they came and went usually before he could do anything. But still...
Curiosity got the better of him and he had to know who had a serious case of hiccups. Opening the door, he spotted his brothers against a nearby wall. Actually Timmy was against the wall, trying to do a handstand while drinking water from a straw. Jason was keeping his feet up and trying not to laugh. Doing a fair job of it too.
"Ya gotta drink the whole thing Timmy. All of it."
Hic
"I don't-hic- think it's-hic-"
"Of course it's not working!" the trouble maker stated. "You're talking instead of drinking! Do you want to die?"
Beet red, Timmy tried to shake his head, pouting fearfully. "No... hic"
"Then shut up and do as you're told."
"Ya know..." Dick slid into the hallway, getting their attention with a grin. "My dad had a foolproof way of getting rid of hiccups. Made certain I wouldn't die from them."
Jason grinned right back at him, glad he was playing along. "Really? What was it?"
Hic
"Get him upright and I'll show you." The blood rushing to the tyke's head was likely to make him pass out soon. As much as he wanted to troll his baby brother, letting him pass out was not a good idea. As Timmy righted himself, Dick looked back to Jason. "What's he up to?"
"Five hundred and fifteen!" He seriously doubted it, but it was good enough to scare the baby bird.
Hic
Dick cringed comically. "Dang. Halfway there. We need to cure him fast or we'll have to dig up a grave in the back yard. Can't have the press hearing about this one."
"Too true," Jason comically agreed, freaking the kid near them out a bit. "Bad publicity and what will Superman say?"
Hic
"If he dies, we'll have to hide all the evidence where Bruce can't find it. Hmmm..." Their older brother looked over the kid critically for a moment, pretending to be thinking about his death. "There's a lot of caves down below. No one could find him there."
"NOO!" Timmy started to cry, his hiccups getting worse as he pleaded for his life. "I don't -HIC- wanna -HIC- to -HIC- DIE! Save me! HIC!"
Dick put a comforting hand on his shoulder, pretending to be super and amazing as he continued. "Don't worry, we've got your back."
"I -HIC- don't -HIC- wanna -HIC- be -HIC- stuck -HIC- in a -HIC- CAVE! HIC!"
"I said we've to this covered." Maybe they were taking this joke a little too far. The old legend that if someone hiccupped a thousand times they'd die was pretty ridiculous after all. "We won't let you die."
Hic
"What have you tried?"
"Standing on his head, drinking water, holding his breath, swallowing some air, eating sugar, tongue twisters (he sucks at those by the way), diction exercises, humming... combining them... "Jason tried to recall all the strange things they did to get rid of hiccups. The threat of death clearly hadn't worked either.
Hic
"So, what do got?"
"Tried pulling on his tongue yet? Say ah!" Obediently Timmy opened his mouth (hic) and Dick grabbed his tongue and gave it a short tug.
Hic
"Or was it the ears..." Quickly he pulled both the boy's ears.
Hic
"How about both at the same time?" Jason suggested. He grabbed the kid's ears while Dick took his tongue again. Timmy whimpered as they both pulled a little too strongly.
Hic
"Guess that wasn't it..."
"Oh I remember!" The oldest grinned like a maniac as he recalled one time he had hiccups. And it had worked. "What you've gotta do is clean out the cages. Bear cages where the best for this."
"Bears?!" Came Timmy's terrified squeal before another hiccup. He hated bears. They remembered when he woke up one night from a nightmare about being eaten by a bear. It was after Jason dramatized Goldilocks in a very violent fashion. The bears won. The nightmare afterwards drove the kid to their dad's bed and he gave Jason a sound tongue lashing the next morning.
"Yep, bears." Dick grinned as he came up with a fake alternate solution. "But since we're fresh out, you should help Alfred with the bat cleanup in the cave. That'll get rid of them for certain!"
"But I don't wanna!" More tears streamed down the lad's face as he whined against it. "It's smelly and dirty and poopy and baddy! I hate -hic- cleaning up after the bats!"
Jason scowled just behind the kid, the same thought crossing his mind as the young teen's. So close! He almost got rid of them! Sighing dramatically, Dick folded his arms and gave the only other option he could come up with at the moment. "Well it's either you clean up guano or you drink garlic tea."
"We could always google some more techniques," Jason suggested, turning away for a minute. "I'm sure there's something we've forgotten..."
"I think there's a trick with Tabasco but I forget."
Hic
Sob "I'll go..."
Slowly the boy hung his head and started heading down to the cave, whimpering and hiccupping every few steps. Dick felt a little guilty for dragging this joke out but Jason put a finger to his lips as he silently crept up behind the kid. Now would come a surefire way to get rid of hiccups. The trouble maker hovered just above the boy's ear and did his perfect imitation of Gollum in a deadly hiss. "We are FREE!"
"KYAAA!" Timmy's screams could be heard even through the study entrance to the cave. As the boy was reduced to terrified tears and Jason to gales of laughter, Dick tried to calm them down before Bruce barreled in there in a temper.
"Timmy! Timmy! It's okay! It was just Jason! And look! Your hiccups are gone! It worked! It's good! Please stop crying! Jason! Stop laughing! It's not that funny!"
"Yes it was!"
"So scary! Meanyface! I hate you! Daddy!"
"Timmy... Please calm down..."
"What happened?!" At their father's roar, they all silenced and looked at the source. Bruce looked ready to pounce on whomever brought terror to his babies, but seeing the three of them like this infuriated him instead.
'We're dead.'
"DADDY!" Timmy scrambled over to his dad, crying into his pants' leg and shaking from head to toe. In contrast Jason was ready to bolt and Dick had turned into a statue. "Jason's being a scary meanyface!"
The man knelt next to his youngest in an instant, gathering him up before glaring at the oldest. "Explain."
"Uh..."
"We were curing hiccups," Dick finally admitted.
Slowly the tense look on their father's face drained away to annoyance. "You could have just tickled him instead."
"Why didn't we think of that?" the teen looked over to Jason who shrugged. The solution was so simple...
"Why didn't you think of that? You're the tickler."
"Both of you get down stairs and start cleaning up after the bats." Bruce's eyes narrowed as he looked at them, dishing out punishment without any hesitation. "And no dessert tonight."
"NO DESSERT?!" Timmy gave the man a scared, pouty look, trying to change his mind in a millisecond.
"For them." A slight smirk appeared on his face. "After all, they're now getting their 'just desserts' for this."
The older boys groaned to themselves before heading down to the cave to get the task over and done with. Jason rolled his eyes between those older than him as he commented, "Please... leave the bad puns to Dickybird here. Yours royally suck."
"On second thought, Dick can have dessert tonight," Bruce corrected as he continued to calm his youngest down.
"Yessir!" Dick ran before the man could change his mind a second time and Jason could enact vengeance upon him. He hid his grin best he could at the luck he had. That was pretty easy over all.
Hic
A/N: so it ends with DIck getting timmy's hiccups! Planning on doing a second hiccup one later but I thought this was funny. I know I missed a lot of stupid ways to get rid of hiccups, but that's what I could remember here. Mostly, all you've got to do is change your breathing so your diaphraph stops spasiming. That's all.
Still working on Sacrifice and the first DNB origin story, but theres so many other wonderful distractions *coughtorturingDickcough* coming through my head that I can't help but to work on those too. *sigh* so many ideas, not enough motivation to write. Anywho, there's a poll up but I'm likely to ignore it and do what I want anyway... yeah... comment anyway.