Okay, this wasn't anything I promised people, but I thought it'd be fun. I mean, I don't think anyone here's even thought about it! Kinda cute and there's really no point to it other than the fact that it happens in families, but oh well! I'll ramble more at the bottom. Pre-dami. enjoy!
Dick-13 Jason-9 Timmy-5
Cooties
"Master Bruce, please gather the boys and head to the penthouse immediately."
"Pardon?" Bruce looked over to his butler curiously, not understanding the order. Alfred rarely gave such a direct demand without a reason. But the stern look on his face and the tone of his voice made him wary. His sleeves were rolled up and wet, and there was an acidic scent to him as well. Vinegar?
The butler was not amused. "This house must be under quarantine until a full cleaning is completed. Take two sets of the boy's uniforms and take them straight to the drycleaners where your suits are, and only the paperwork and books needed for the next two days. No cloth that cannot be drycleaned is to be taken. Fresh underclothes are to be bought on the way there."
"Alfred, what's going on?"
"We have been invaded." The man blinked at him in confusion, forcing him to finally explain. "By lice."
That took Bruce back. There was a notification email in his inbox saying there were cases at Gotham Academy, but he hadn't taken it too seriously. He should have. Lice were particularly hard to get rid of.
"The outbreak is minimal at the moment, but we must make certain it does not spread beyond Miss Cassandra." The old man ran a hand through what little hair he had, weary already. "I have thoroughly washed her scalp and coated it in vinegar to repel them further. Need to buy some medicated shampoo to be rid of the eggs though. Those parasites jump far and fast Master Bruce. If we do not act fast, they will infect the entire house."
"Have you searched the boys' yet?" He revised the urge to run a hand through his own hair, becoming subconsciously aware of how easily it was to be infested with the bugs. They were a nightmare once when he was traveling abroad. He did not want to go through that again.
Alfred did not like lice.
"Not yet," the butler stated with a frown, "but I will shortly. Prepare for departure immediately."
Bruce nodded and left his study desk to get to work. Some paperwork was immediately placed in their places in his briefcase while other things, like a utility belt in case of emergencies, were tucked into his pockets or elsewhere on his person. Within fifteen minutes he was putting his case by the door and searching out for the boys.
"Dick? Jason? Timmy?" Momentarily he took out his phone and started the search program in them to narrow down the search, but they had taken off their watches. Well why wouldn't they? They were home. Quickly he started to search the house for them, only to find Dick fighting with Alfred, sort of.
"You can't just take Peanut Alfred!"
"She's infested and so are you." The teen was trying and failing to get a black trash bag away from the old man. It smelled of vinegar. "You will do well to remember that."
"But I don't have cooties!" He insisted animatedly. "Only girls get cooties!"
"No one is immune to lice. Not even stuffed animals." The butler looked over to Bruce despairingly. "I am afraid Master Richard will be remaining here until the pandemic is done."
Bruce cringed as his teen persisted that he did not have lice. When did he learn cooties was another word for lice anyway? "They must have leapt onto him when he hugged Cass. Dick, please tell me you did not hug Jason or Timmy after her?"
"It is quite possible he is the source of his sister's plight," Alfred murmured, becoming weary already.
"I DON'T HAVE COOTIES!"
"Are you suuurree?" came Jason's voice, highly amused as he came around a corner with Timmy. "Last I checked you were really popular with the girls."
Dick glared menacingly at the trouble maker. "Not that kind of cootie you brat."
"Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I've got my cootie shot." Timmy was murmuring a little loudly as he made gestures on his arm. "Circle, circle, square, square, now I have it everywhere."
"Circle, circle, knife, knife, now I have it all my life!" The teasing grin on Jason's face was going to spark a war. It was only derailed when their father grabbed him roughly to look through his hair. "HEY!"
"Hold still or I'll let Dick hug you and end all debate." Bruce spared his youngest a glance before giving his full attention to the one in his hands. "Timmy, go to your room and grab your school bag and two uniforms. Don't go near Dick or Cass for now."
"Why?" he innocently asked, cocking his head to the side. He still didn't know what they were really talking about.
"I don't have cooties Bruce!" Dick insisted again, glaring at the man searching one other's hair.
"If Alfred says you have lice, you have lice." He looked up once to the teen, grimacing slightly. "Cass has them too. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Cooties are lice?" Timmy asked curiously, still not obeying his father's instructions. Jason even looked confused up at him.
"Seriously? They're lice?"
The man nodded, letting go of him at last. "That's the real definition of cooties. They're lice. Because girls traditionally have more hair than boys on their heads, they're more likely to have them. You're clean."
"And they are truly a difficult arachnid to be rid of," Alfred added, relieving Dick of his blazer, who pouted and glared as it was added to the bag Peanut was apparently in. "They reproduce quickly, jump from body to body, and their eggs are stubborn things, refusing to wash out without special treatment."
"Whoa..." Jason's jaw nearly dropped to the floor at the implications. Bruce stepped over to an attentive Timmy and started checking his head as well while he retained his barrings. "I thought they were just things dogs got."
"What are you gonna do with Peanut?" the teen demanded, glaring daggers at the old man. He seemed to ignore him when he turned to Jason.
"Yes, dogs do get lice from time to time. Along with ticks, fleas, and worms. They can carry diseases, suck your blood, and irritate your skin. Now go prepare a quick bag for yourself. School supplies and two uniforms. Stat." Not needing any more motivation, Jason ran back the way he came to get his supplies. Bruce smirked to himself, finishing up with the youngest (also clean), and nudged him on his way to do as he was told. Alfred gave a heavy sigh and looked back to Dick to answer his question. "Right now I am fumigating her."
"Fumigating?" That made the teen blink. You could fumigate a stuffed animal?
"Lice hate vinegar," the butler explained. "It suffocates them, especially in enclosed areas. With certain objects that cannot simply be drycleaned free of pests, they must be fumigated before they can be washed. Do not worry about her. All other stuffed toys will be joining her shortly."
"What?"
"Alfred really hates lice," Bruce explained, remembering when he had them once. "While I take Jason and Timmy to the penthouse, this place is under quarantine. He'll have a cleaning staff take care of a deep house cleaning while he makes certain you and Cassandra are free of bugs."
"It should take no more than two days if we do this correctly," Alfred added. "Everything in this household will be cleaned head to toe before I am satisfied. Including Peanut, Mystery Dog, Batbear, Mighty Mouse, and Watson."
"Watson?" Dick looked over to Bruce in confusion, which doubled as the man became a bit unnerved. "Who's Watson?"
"I better check on the boys." Quickly making his escape, the head of the household nearly flew down the hall to avoid embarrassment. He hadn't taken out that pound puppy since he was a kid. Why couldn't Alfred just forget about it...
He sighed heavily, praying this would not be the same as when he had lice back when he was Cass' age. He missed two weeks of school thanks to those critters. Dick and Cass were in for a couple of rough days of head cleaning, space invading, and head checking, with little to distract them too. Then again, it would be just him with Jason and Timmy in a penthouse they hardly used.
This was going to be one very interesting couple of days.
A/N: and that's where I end it because that's all I could think of to end it. =P Now for my fun ramblings.
WHen I was 6, I was known as the cootie girl on the playground. I used to make kissy faces and chase boys in order to make them go away. Later I dropped the kissy faces and just chased after them because they were annoying (my man troubles start here I guess), but that's another story. Ironically, around that time, I had lice. My siblings loved to torment me and decided to give me lots of information about lice. They are arachnids, they're little blood suckers, their eggs stick to your hair, they jump pretty far, are related to ticks, and are also known as cooties. So for a very brief period of time, I really was the cootie girl. I lost about two weeks of school thanks to that, even had a relapse of them. My mom saturated my head and things in vinegar and fumigated my pillows in black trash bags, cleaned the entire house head to toe and wouldn't let me go anywhere, all just to get rid of them. I dont' remember them hurting or anything. I just remember the vinegar. To this day, straight up vinegar bugs me (love pickles and olives though, weird), I scrub my head hard when I shower, and I clean my pillows every so often just to make sure there aren't any bugs. Not scared of them, just don't want to deal with them again.
As for Watson, I think I mentioned a pound puppy for Bruce before. I thought it'd be nice to finally give it a name. No one else seems to be good at making names when they're little, though I think Mystery Dog will one day be called Fermir again. *evil laugh*
Anywho, poll's still up and I'm going to bed so I can work myself to death tomorrow. XP