A TANGLED WEB Part 8: Endgame
Chapter 31
by Charlie Nelson a.k.a. Ordinaryguy2
Updated: 2-25-20222
The main crossovers in this chapter includes: ALF (1986-1990); The Colour of Magic (1983); Dark Angel (2000-2002); Dennis the Menace (1951-present); Land of the Lost (1974-1976); Lost in Space (1965-1968); The Prisoner (1967-1968); Red Dwarf (1988-1993, 1997, 1999, 2009, 2012); Star Trek (1966-1969); Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001); Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980); Tremors (1990)
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Rick Marshall rushed through the lush underbrush of the jungle. His mind kept telling him to watch for dinosaur predators, but his heart hurried him to be with his son and daughter.
It had been over two years since he had last been in this 'Land of the Lost' as Holly had called it. Two very long years. It had been while he was searching in one of the mysterious pylons for a way back to Earth, he had accidentally activated a portal that literally pulled him through to exactly where he wanted to go. But neither Holly nor Will had been with him.
Unable to find a way back on his own, he began searching libraries, ancient scrolls, shamans, witch doctors, fortune tellers; anyone who could possibly come up with a feasible way back to his kids, no matter how ludicrous.
Finally, unable to put off other matters any longer, he returned to Denver to deal with his brother's estate. Guilt had weighed heavily on Rick when he had learned that his brother Jack had disappeared in the mountains while searching him and his children. The remorse had affected him so bad that he had repeatedly delayed dealing with Rick's estate, and since Rick was the only beneficiary, everything was just left hanging.
He had thanked Mr. Wilson, one of Jack's neighbors, for maintaining Jack's yard and Mrs. Wilson who provided him with some delicious fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. Both insisted it was the least they could do, under the circumstances. Mrs. Wilson was even able to provide him with the name of a local reputable reality dealer since he was planning to sell the place. As they partook of the cookies, they had told him of Jack's many incursions into the mountains for the two years Rick and his kids had been missing, always looking for some sign of them. Rick finally couldn't take any more of the rising guilt, and pardoned himself before heading out for a walk.
Later, when walking back from the supermarket, he was passing the park when he was surprised to see a familiar object. He threw down his groceries and broke out into a run. Four small children were playing in the entryway of a pylon! And pylons were connected to the Land of the Lost!
"Hold it! Stop!" he shouted. The kids froze before entering the interior of the pylon. The next thing the kids knew, he was pulling them out of the pylon. He shuddered to think of what would have happened to the kids if they had been suddenly transported to a land filled with dinosaurs.
"Hey!" complained a blond-haired boy in red overhauls. "This is our magic fort! It appeared out of nowhere just for us!"
"Sorry, kids. But you really shouldn't be playing in here," he answered.
"I told you so, Dennis," said a red-haired girl with glasses while giving the blond boy an accusing glare.
"Not one asked you, Margaret!" growled the blond boy.
The dark-haired girl with a pin on her shirt with the name 'Gina' on it gave Rick a smile and jumped out by herself.
Not knowing if the pylon was on a timer, Rick hurriedly lifted the second boy, who was rather quiet, and put him down before entering the pylon himself. "Okay, kids. You go on and find yourself another fort. Just make sure it's a safe one."
"Oh, my doll!" said the redhead.
Glancing down, Rick picked up a small doll from the floor of the pylon and was about to hand it to her when the door suddenly materialized in place, closing it.
He looked down at the doll with a smile on his face. "Well, I guess you are coming with me." Not knowing what else to do with the doll he put it down next to the flashing pedestal.
Within moments, Rick found himself in the familiar primitive surroundings. And yet he soon found that he wasn't alone. He'd come across dozens of new arrivals, but none could tell him where his son or daughter were.
While running into the two Pakuni, Ta and Sa, had given him high hopes, neither of the two cowardly furballs could tell him where Cha-Ka was, or help him find Will and Holly. Then a boy with the ability to move at super-speeds had told them of a great battle being waged in a far valley. With a sickening lump in his throat, Rick knew that was where he'd find his two children.
Turning a corner near a bamboo hedge, he almost run into a man running in his direction. Rick managed to stay on his feet, but the other man was not so fortunate. Rick reached down to help the other man up and was mildly taken aback at what the other man was wearing. He wore a shabby reddish robe and had a long pointy hat that spelled W-I-Z-Z-A-R-D and had a long wispy white beard that needed tending to.
"Pardon me," said the man.
"That's, uh, quite an outfit you have on," Rick said. "Especially the hat."
"Yes, well, as a wizard, it is quite customary to have a pointy hat. Sort of a status thing. As well as letting people know that they shouldn't be rude to someone wearing such a hat unless they want to attend their next family reunion as a frog."
Thinking that the older man might be going senile, Rick decided not to challenge the man's sense of reality. Instead, he said, "Hi, I'm Rick Marshall."
"Ah, yes, the customary exchanging of names." He looked at Rick's outstretched hand for a moment before deciding to give into social convenience and shake it. "I'm Rincewind."
Rick managed a smile. "Now, Rincewind, can you tell me what's going on over there?" He pointed toward the general direction from which the wizard had just come.
"That way?" responded the wizard meekly. "Oh, trust me, you don't want to go that way. There's some unusual people playing a game they call golf and a lot of… rather loud spectators."
A load roar came from above. Both men watched as a sleek looking dragon flew overhead and firing beams of light from its eyes and tail toward the distant battle that was out of view. Returning fire came from the general direction Rick had just pointed towards.
Rincewind gave Rick a sheepish look. "Did I mention that the spectators seemed rather hostile?"
"Did you see any kids there?" he asked blatantly, caring for little else at this time. "A boy and a girl. In their upper teens. The girl is blond, and the boy has dark hair like mine."
Rincewind considered breaking into a run. The dark-haired man had the determined look in his eyes that boded trouble for Rincewind's peace of mind. "Well, I can tell you that there were a few young people there that fit that description. That being the case I'll just let you get on with-"
Rick's hand clamped onto Rincewind's wrist.
"I need you to take me there. The fastest, safest route you can." Rick squeezed the other man's wrist.
The frightened wizard thought about saying the usual 'Are you crazy?' question, but didn't think it would be very well received. Instead, smiled nervously, and said, "I'd rather not, if you don't mind?"
A low stampeding sound came from the woods drawing both of their attention. Pushing its way through some thick leaves, a large wooden trunk appeared.
Rick's eyes widened in surprise. "It's on legs!" In fact, there was a large wooden chest struggling to extract itself from the vines had hundreds of small legs and was trying to come their way.
"Oh, yes, that's my Luggage." Rincewind tried to sound casual, as if the sentient pearwood Luggage had been something that he had created with his wizardly abilities, when nothing was farther from the case. He had actually been given the Luggage by a tourist he had been forced to accompany. Ever since, the Luggage had followed him around like a homicidal bodyguard, attacking anything that even looked at the wizard wrong. "I should tell you it's very protective of me."
Rick let go of Rincewind's arm but didn't step away from the strange man.
They watched with interest as the Luggage managed to free the last of its legs from the vines and start to trot over. Rick gaped in wonder, bending down on one knee, letting the Luggage come to him like he would a dog
"You-you probably shouldn't do that," Rincewind exclaimed with more than a little concern. "He doesn't take to people handling him very well."
Rick ran his hand over the top cover of the Luggage, trying to determine if the warmth he felt was from the sun or body heat. "It's…it's alive!" He reached down to examine the many feet that it had. Finding one that still had twine wrapped around it, he carefully took it off that tossed aside. He was surprised when the lid opened a little and a large carpet-made tongue rolled out and seemed to lick his face.
"And it seems to like you." Rincewind was somewhat perplexed at the sight of his Luggage showing a stranger so much affection. Sensing something else, he looked to the ground. "Did you just feel a tremor?"
Rick didn't acknowledge the question, as he was rubbing lightly at the bottom edge of the Luggage, which caused it to start tapping the ground with several of its feet in pleasure.
Of all the things Rick had found in the Land of the Lost, this Luggage was the most bizarre and most amusing. "Wow! This is-"
He was abruptly interrupted when three long snake-like creatures burst up from the ground underneath the Luggage. Rick jumped back, knocking Rincewind away, as the three creatures wrapped themselves effectively around the Luggage before biting down in order to maintain their grip.
"Wha-what is it?" asked the wizard.
"I don't know!" Rick answered, wanting to be clear on the subject.
The Luggage pulled to be free while the three snakes worked together to try pull it down into the ground from which they came. From all the struggling the ground beneath them had begun to tremble and show some cracks.
"I've never seen snakes with horns before," Rick managed to say, as he worked at trying to watch the struggle before him while he searched with haste through the brush for something he could use as a weapon. Finding as old tree branch, he went over and swung it like a baseball bat and struck one of the strange-looking serpents in the head, knocking it to the ground.
The ground shook even more, and even seemed to roar out in pain. Rick fell back as something large burst forth from the ground lifting the Luggage up with it. It resembled a massive grub with a very large black beak that opened in four sections instead of two. The three long snakes turned out to in reality be tentacle-like tongues which now drew the living baggage kicking into the creature's gaping maw.
"What the hell is that?" Rick shouted, more out of fear than anything else
"It looks like some creature that must have escaped from the Dungeon Dimension," answered Rincewind from where he sat up in a tall tree. How Rincewind had gotten up in the tree so quickly was not something Rick could speculate at the moment, but he marveled at the feat just the same. "It'll wish it was back there once the Luggage has finished with it," stated the wizard, matter-of-factly.
With that said the graboid hauled the Luggage underground with it – both disappearing from sight.
Rick let out a sigh. "Look, we should get out of here. I'm sorry about your Luggage. I actually liked it. But there is nothing we can do for it now."
"Oh, it'll be back," he answered from the relative safety of his tree perch. "It always comes back to me. Whether I fall off the edge of the world, travel to other dimensions, or other time periods, the Luggage will come to me. Even if trolls, dwarves or even dragons come between us; it will make a path to me. You see it was made from a very magically infused wood source, which also makes it pretty near unstoppable as well as mostly invulnerable."
Sounds began to erupt from underground again: roars of anger, agitation, and pain. The land shook and some trees were being knocked around as something large moved around underground.
Rincewind's tree was also uprooted and fell. Rick hurried but pulled the wizard from it unharmed. For his part, the wizard groaned some but began checking his hat for any damages. "Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as undamageable."
"Is your Luggage is going to be okay?"
"Yes, fine. If anything, you can pity the poor beast that pulled it down there with it."
They paused to listen to some more roars that were quickly turning to cries of pain from the ground beneath them.
"And your Luggage can find you wherever you go?"
The wizard sighed. "Yes, it has tracked me through- Hey, what are you doing?"
With a tight grip on the wizard's arm, he began to lead him to another battle further away and above ground. "I'm sorry, Rincewind, but I have to find my children. This place is proving to be way more dangerous than the last time I was here, so I need you to guide me."
Rick dragged the protesting wizard away onto the path that led through the jungle. It was sometime later that the ground finally became still. And then a little while after that, the ground began to shift as a rectangle shape emerged, shaking the dirt from its lid. A portion of the tendril-like tongue stuck out of its lid which it quickly sucked in. Then the Luggage began to turn left and right as if searching for something. Finally, it took off on its many little feet through the trees in search of its elusive owner.
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Static flashed across the bounty hunter's visor screen for a moment obscuring his view. He froze in place, making sure that the fault didn't reoccur in less than a minute. The damage he'd taken from his battle with the one that called himself Batman and the partial blow from the tree trunk the giant beast had thrown at him, had taken its toll on his Mandalorian armor. But with the Starfleet crew broken into separate groups, now was his best chance for ending this quickly; these people had proven themselves too resourceful and dangerous for him to allow them a chance to regather themselves.
With a blaster in hand, Boba Fett edged slowly toward the cave entrance that the two men, Spock and McCoy, had moved their injured female team member. Not wanting to risk getting any closer, with his other hand he tossed a special type of grenade he had manufactured that was part multiple flares and part smoke grenade. The results were almost instantaneous. A serious of bright flashes followed by a large cloud of smoke came from the cave along with a series of loud swearing mixed with coughing. Both men predictably came out of their shelter carrying the unconscious body of Janeway.
"Put her down," Fett barked.
"Let us get her a few feet further from the smoke," Bones said, with watery eyes.
"Smoke rises. She can breathe where she is. Put her down."
"I think we should do as he advices, admiral," stated McCoy's Vulcan companion.
"Damn it, Spock! I told you to call me 'Bones'! Is that really too much to ask?"
Fett planted a shot from his blaster near Bone's feet. "Put her down. Now."
Begrudgingly, Dr. McCoy helped lower Janeway onto the ground and stepped back. "So, are you going to just kill us in cold blood now?"
"Only if you make it necessary." He gestured with his blaster, and the two men tossed their weapons into the nearby brush. Fett froze for a moment while the visual screen in his visor became static. For almost ten seconds he could see nothing, but he held still in order to not let his captives know of his dilemma. Due to the damage he sustained to his helmet he couldn't open the visors so that he could see with his own eyes, which left him blind. He considered removing his helmet when the screen cleared. McCoy and Spock were still where he last saw them quietly speculating his silence.
A group of people hurried through the brush and into their clearing. Boba Fett immediately turned and trained his weapon on the newcomers.
"Move it, people. C'mon, the Other and Cha-Ka couldn't have gotten too much of a head start on us." The first man slowed down as he suddenly realized the deadly situation he had just led the others behind him into. "Smeg!" Dave Lister was about to call out an alarm when Rimmer bumped into him from behind, knocking them both to the ground
As each member of the group hurried into the clearing, they all grasped what had happened too late to do anything about it.
"Toss down the hardware." Fett's opposing form led to no resistance as Lister, Cat, Kryten and Rimmer dropped their bazookoids. "Anything else?"
"The rest of us don't have any weapons," spoke up a short, orange furred alien with a large snout. "Gordon Shumway's the name. And I can see by your armor that you are someone who takes themselves very seriously, so let me just get to the crux of the problem. You don't want us intruding on your business, and we don't want to be here. So why not solve both problems by just-"
Fett's answer was quick and to the point. "You can either be silent or you can be dead. Which is it?"
Gordon, also known as Alf, shut his mouth, but it immediately began to quiver as if trying to open up on its own. Max Guevera, the only female of the group, slowly lowered one hand and clamped it hard over the Melmacian snout.
She gave the bounty hunter a weak smile. "He can't help himself; his mouth just won't stop, no matter how severe the threats."
Fett said nothing as he waited for the screen inside his helmet to give him sight and sound again. Once he could see again, he noted Max's hand holding Alf's mouth shut but chose to ignore it. "I want you all to lay down on the ground face-first with your hands over your heads." He looked over at Spock and McCoy and made a motion with his blaster. "You, too. Go over and join them on the ground."
Leaving Janeway's prone body on the ground, Spock led a sputtering McCoy over to where the others were already beginning to find their places on the earthen floor.
"Whose droid is that?" asked the bounty hunter.
"Do you mean the robot?" asked Will Robinson, raising his head somewhat from the ground.
"Is he yours?"
"More or less, I guess. But Mr. Smith has-"
"Don't bring me into this, Will!" hissed the older man lying to the right of the boy. Glancing up at the armored bounty hunter, Zacheriah Smith gave a sheepish grin. "It doesn't really listen to me; but the boy on the other hand, it'll do anything the boy asks of it."
"You utter smeghead," spat Dave Lister, who lay on the other side of Dr. Smith. "How could you just sell out the kid like that?"
An answer came from the robot in question. "Dr. Smith is an invertebrate by nature."
"A what?" asked Lister.
"He means he has no spine, sir," responded Kryten, "and if I might further conjecture, he has no testicles either."
Dr. Smith's outraged momentarily overwhelmed his sense of preservation. "How dare you-"
"Enough with the talking!" snapped Fett. "Tell it to power down. And that one," he pointed to Kryten on the ground, "is it another droid?"
"Sir, I am a Series 4000 mechanoid, and I can assure you that my programming makes it impossible for me to lie or hurt a Human. I am not a threat."
"I've heard that one before. Power down now or I'll do it my way."
Boba Fett was pointing his blaster at the mechanoid's head when he noticed a movement from the rear-view screen in his helmet. Jumping back, he just missed being struck by Janeway's phaser. He was about to return fire when he stepped in something and slipped. His shot went wild striking only trees.
The Jupiter 2 robot rolled forward on its treads, then emitted a massive burst of electrical energy from its arms at the armored foe.
Although normally insulated, the damage Fett's armor had sustained was no longer able to fully shield him from such an attack. The electricity tore its way through the bounty hunter's body, coming up his left arm and then exiting out the right leg and into the ground. The screen in Fett's helmet went dead.
Once Fett was down on the ground unconscious and the robot had stopped its electrical assault, John Drake, a former British secret agent, hurried forward and took the blaster out of Fett's unresisting hand. "Someone want to give me a hand?"
"Sure," Max said. "How about Alf and I get some vines so we can tie this man-in-a-can up?"
Alf shook his head in disbelief. "First she won't let me talk and now she's giving me orders." He looked up at her. "Did I miss something? Did we become married somehow and I missed it? Did I at least get a bachelor party?"
Max chuckled and ruffled the hairs on the top of his head. "Tell you what; let's grab some extra vines to save for our honeymoon."
Alf's mouth fell open as she walked off toward the side of the clearing where some vines were within easy reach. "Somebody tell me she's kidding."
The Cat snarled in annoyance as he brushed his sleeves. "She's just trying to get me jealous. There's no way she could fall for an orange hairpiece like you."
"Oh yeah? What have you got that I don't?"
The Cat twirled in a circle. "My stylish clothes for one thing. Man, you don't even have any clothes at all."
"Ha!" Alf became very amused. "You call those gaudy things you're wearing stylish? You must have been raised by blind people!"
"My granddad may have been blind, but not my mother; she had me wearing all the up and coming styles," he said while strutting about.
Alf snorted in merriment. "Your mother dressed you? Ha! Ha!"
A confused look crossed the Cat's face. "She only dressed me until I was sixteen. That's the age where all cats start to fend for their clothing styles themselves."
By now Alf was rolling on the ground laughing. The Cat just snorted in disgust and went to go help Max.
Admiral McCoy ignored all the commotion going on around them while he hurried over to be with his patient. "You did good, Kathryn."
Janeway wasn't so easily able to accept that compliment. "I 'issed 'im, Ad'er'al," she said, through her teeth, as her jaws had been sealed shut due to her broken jawbones. She set down the phaser that she had been holding in one shaky hand down on the ground next to her.
"You may have missed him, but you still distracted him long enough for that robot to fire an electronic discharge and end this rather deadly situation."
"'ee coul' 'ave kilt us all."
"Kathryn, that's not what happened so let it go. I revived you from a deep sleep, gambling against the odds that he would believe you were still out cold and that you'd be able to make such a shot in your condition. And if you want to know the odds of that actually working, well, you can just ask Spock. He can tell you the answer, but you'll just end up shaking your head in bewilderment. Besides, as a Starfleet captain, you know we have to push in on the walls of what is not likely to happen until we make it happen."
"Uggh!" came a cry from John Drake.
The others hurried over to see what was the matter.
"Ewww!" Will Robinson pinched his nose tight. "What is that smell?"
"It's smells almost as bad as Lister's socks," Rimmer added, in disgust.
"Hey!" Lister looked up from where he'd been turning Kryten back on. "Watch it, Rimmer, or I'll turn off your portable light bee and give it another tour of my intestinal canals."
Rimmer blanched at the threat and became quiet.
Spock brought out his tricorder. "The odor is coming from an organic substance that has been partial cooked onto the bounty hunter's boots. It appears to be…" Spock lowered the tricorder and turned to look at McCoy, who was still running his tricorder over Captain Janeway. "Admi-… Bones, I believe I requested that you perform your bodily functions further away from the cave."
Rimmer looked bewildered. "Do you mean to say that our attacker with the armor fetish… that he…"
"That he really stuck his foot in it," concluded Lister with a merry chortle.
McCoy shrugged, but wore a broad smile. "What can I say? To paraphrase an old friend, 'I boldly went where no one has gone before'!"
As they began to relax, each group began to exchange stories of how they had come to this strange land and what they were on their way to try accomplishing.
"This Builder kid, who also calls himself the Other, do you really believe he built this place?" asked McCoy.
"Cha-Ka seemed to think so," commented Max.
"Cha-Ka?"
"He's a native. He's kind of like a mini sasquatch. Only cuter and less shy. Not so good on the language skills."
"Where is he now?" asked McCoy, hoping to get a scan of Cha-Ka with his tricorder.
"Don't know for sure. We were all heading this way when some dinosaurs chasing a wooly mammoth, a saber-toothed tiger, and a large sloth-like creature crossed our path, separating us. The Other and Cha-Ka went on ahead. We went to follow as soon as it was safe, but I guess they took a different trail."
"Ye-ouch!" came a cry from where the now-tied up form of Boba Fett still laid.
"What happened?" asked McCoy.
John Drake held up a slightly bleeding finger. "I was just trying to remove the guy's helmet when something on … on... it stabbed … m-m-me." As the former spy keeled over onto the ground, everyone jumped up to see what was the matter.
"That was a damn fool thing to do!" muttered McCoy, as he scanned the barely breathing man.
Spock scanned Fett's helmet in order to determine the means of the poison. "His helmet appears to have been booby-trapped."
"You think!" came McCoy's sarcastic response.
"What do you want us to do?" asked Lister.
"I'm a doctor; not a choreographer! Just give me some room!" snapped McCoy, as he injected something into Drake's neck. "Spock, have you ever seen anything like this?"
The Vulcan ambassador had just finished scanning the small, poisoned needle located near one of the snaps that would remove Fett's helmet. "It appears to be an incapacitating agent; not likely to be lethal to most humanoids."
"Hmm." Bones checked the readings on his medical tricorder. "I guess our tin can bounty hunter wanted to have another chance at collect his prey in case they ever got the upper hand over him."
"Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!" called out the robot from the Jupiter-2.
Will gave the robot a curious look. "Robot, they just said that the poison wasn't lethal."
"That is not the danger to which I was referring. Look there." The robot stretched out one of its arms in order to point in the direction where some of the trees had been pushed aside by some gigantic entity. "Cybernetic humanoid entities are approaching."
Spock turned and did a quick scan with his tricorder of the direction that the robot had pointed. "Bones, five Borg drones are approaching."
"The Borg?" asked Dr. Smith, apprehensive that he wasn't going to like the answer.
McCoy responded, "Cyborg beings that want to turn everyone else into cyborgs similar to them as well as force their minds to join in a collective consciousness where thereafter their every action will be controlled by the Borg Queen."
Alf shook his head. "That does not sound like a political party I'd want to join."
"They definitely wouldn't make it into Silicone Heaven with that type of behavior," remarked Kryten.
"Oh, no way in hell, man!" The Cat hissed his dislike as the Borg drones – four Sleestak and one Human – began to come into the far end of the clearing. "There is no way in hell I am every going to wear anything like that." He snapped up his bazookoid off the ground and took aim.
"Uh, Cat," began Lister. But he was too late. The Cat had fired.
To be Continued!
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Original AuThOr'S NoTeS: 8/11/2010
Yes, I tied Dennis the Menace into my already very full crossover. I had considered Calvin and Hobbes, but Dennis seemed to fit better, considering the fact that the Land of the Lost was in the 70's.
For those who saw my other crossover tie in in this chapter, I confirm that there was a little nod to the Ice Age movies. If you didn't notice it, then go back and read it again. I only added them because I needed something to break Cha-Ka and the Builder from the others.
You may remember the graboid from the Tremors movie from earlier in chapter 9. It was the sole remaining (and thus surviving) graboid that had attacked the Dungeons and Dragons kids. I had planned to have it show up and start attacking people during the massive battle scene, but I figure there is enough chaos going on around there. Anyway, I wanted to tie up as many loose ends as I can as I start to bring this story to its end, and this was just one of the loose strings. Besides, the thought of a Graboid vs Luggage battle sounded fun to me. If anyone does not know of the Luggage, then please go to a bookstore or library as soon as possible and get some of Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. They are awesome. Terry Pratchett actually got a knighthood for the series! Not many people can say that!
Updated AuThOr'S NoTeS: 2-25-2022
Um, in the notes above, I said I was trying to bring this story to an end… Just a heads up since this is a reposting, I failed. This is chapter 31, and it finally finishes at chapter 60. Soo… halfway there!
And now I've just had the strange thought about if the Borg had somehow turned a graboid into a drone… I have a very strange mind.
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ChArAcTeR InDeX FoR ThE ChApTeR:
'Alf' / Shumway, Gordon (Paul Fusco) – from the TV series ALF (1986-1990)
Batman / McGinnis, Terry (voiced by Will Friedle) – from the TV series Batman Beyond (1999-2001) (mentioned only)
The Builder / The Other – from the TV series Land of the Lost; from the TV series Doctor Who (mentioned only)
The Cat (Danny John-Jules) – from the TV series Red Dwarf (1988-1993, 1997, 1999, 2009, 2012)
Cha-Ka (Philip Paley) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1976) (mentioned only)
Diego (voiced by Denis Leary) – from the movies Ice Age (2002), Ice Age: Meltdown (2006), Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009), Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (mentioned only)
Fett, Boba (Jeremy Bulloch) – from the movie Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Gillotti, Gina – from the comic strip Dennis the Menace (1951-present) created by Hank Ketcham (cameo)
Graboids – from movie Tremors (1990), Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996), Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001), Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004), from the TV series Tremors (2003)
Guevera, Max (Jessica Alba) – from the TV series Dark Angel (2000-2002)
Janeway, Capt. Kathryn (Kate Mulgrew) – from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)
Kryten 2X4B – 523P (Robert Llewellyn) – from the TV series Red Dwarf (1989-1993, 1997, 1999, 2009, 2012)
Lister, Dave (Craig Charles) – from the TV series Red Dwarf (1988-1993, 1997, 1999, 2009, 2012)
The Luggage – from the book The Colour of Magic (1983) by Terry Pratchett, of the Discworld series
Manfred (voiced by Ray Romano) – from the movies Ice Age (2002), Ice Age: Meltdown (2006), Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009), Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (mentioned only)
Marshall, Holly (Kathy Coleman) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1976) (mentioned only)
Marshall, Jack (Ron Harper) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1976) (mentioned only)
Marshall, Park Ranger Rick (Spencer Milligan) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1975)
Marshall, Will (Wesley Eure) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1976) (mentioned only)
McCoy, Adm. Leonard 'Bones' (DeForest Kelley) – from the TV series Star Trek (1966-1969)
McDonald, Joey – from the comic strip Dennis the Menace (1951-present) created by Hank Ketcham (cameo)
Mitchell, Dennis – from the comic strip Dennis the Menace (1951-present) created by Hank Ketcham (cameo)
Number Six / Drake, John (Patrick McGoohan) – from the TV series Danger Man (1960-1962), Secret Agent (1964-1967), The Prisoner (1967-1968)
Rimmer, Arnold Judas (Chris Barrie) – from the TV series Red Dwarf (1988-1993, 1997, 1999, 2009, 2012)
Rincewind – from the book The Colour of Magic (1983) by Terry Pratchett, of the Discworld series; (David Jason) – from the movie The Color of Magic (2008)
Robinson, Will (Bill Mumy) – from the TV series Lost in Space (1965-1968)
The Robot / Robot B-9 (Bob May / voiced by Dick Tufeld) – from the TV series Lost in Space (1965-1968)
Sa (Sharon Baird) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1976) (mentioned only)
Sid (voiced by John Leguizamo) – from the movies Ice Age (2002), Ice Age: Meltdown (2006), Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009), Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (mentioned only)
Sleestak / Altrusians – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1976)
Smith, Dr. Zachary (Jonathan Harris) – from the TV series Lost in Space (1965-1968)
Spock, Ambassador (Leonard Nimoy) – from the TV series Star Trek (1966-1969)
Ta (Scutter McKay) – from the TV series Land of the Lost (1974-1976) (mentioned only)
Wade, Margaret – from the comic strip Dennis the Menace (1951-present) created by Hank Ketcham (cameo)
Wilson, George Everett – from the comic strip Dennis the Menace (1951-present) created by Hank Ketcham (cameo)
Wilson, Martha – from the comic strip Dennis the Menace (1951-present) created by Hank Ketcham (cameo)
Zok (voiced by Mike Road) – from the cartoon The Herculoids (1967-1969), Space Stars 'The Herculoids' (1981)