"Do you want to jump with me?"
Funny how you only say this shit so openly and honestly when we're just a jump away from dying. From putting an end to our misery. From saying goodbye to it all. Otherwise, all you do is lie. I told you, you're the same as me. But I'd be the most selfish asshole to exist if I gave you a reason or another reason to jump before going out.
Bakugou was silent as he ruminated over how to respond. "I want to jump…but not with you." He glanced over at Todoroki. "Hey. Why'd you really walk all the way over here?"
"I go this way all the time. Honestly, I didn't have suicide on my mind until I saw someone that looked like they were going to jump. Now that I'm here, I give in. Death is…right there. It's too tantalizing."
"But do you really want to die?"
"Yeah."
"If you never saw me, you would've kept on living, right?"
"I guess."
"I refuse to be the reason you had to die, or what influenced you to die."
"Fair enough."
A long pause of silence swept over the two like a chilling breeze.
"What's killing you, Icyhot?"
"I don't kn—"
"Bullshit."
"Myself, I guess. I…don't deserve to be alive. All my life, I've just been a burden. Just by existing, I'm putting the people I love through so much pain. They never deserved that. How could anyone want me to keep living? I'm either a stranger or a classmate to them. Or, I'm the person that fucked up their life just by deciding to live."
One and the same, but for different reasons. You're my antithesis, and when we meet... Damn you, Icyhot.
Although Bakugou could not see the majority of Todoroki's face, he could see the drooping creases of wilted mundanity resting on his visage. "So you hate yourself?" he inquired, and Todoroki nodded; a twinge of pain snaked through Bakugou's chest. "Well, I don't hate you. I want you to live, Icyhot. Sounds like bullshit, yeah? That's why I hate myself. I act like I hate and look down on everyone, but that's just so I can feel better about myself. Never works, and I just feel worse, but I don't know what the hell else to do. Get help? Yeah, right."
Two suicidal fools standing at the edge of a bridge… And yet, we haven't jumped. I thought talking to people about how I feel would be absolute hell, but it doesn't even feel awkward or uncomfortable. It's…kinda nice. I know he's going through similar shit. I really ain't alone. Someone in this world understands even a little bit of how I feel. He's listening to me. I'm listening to him. I don't feel like I have to lie about every single thing I say. It's…nice.
Finally breaking the silence, Todoroki audibly inhaled. "Hey. I think you already know, but I want you to live as well. I had a feeling your anger and nature had an explanation similar to this, so I was never hurt by anything you've said to me. I know I can't solve your problems, but I want to be here for you." The wind curled the tendrils of his hair draping over his eyes, lifting them into spools of white and red; gray light painted over the shadows that hung over his expression.
"Icyhot, whatever bridge you're looking over the edge of, I'll chase your ass down to be there like we are now. You're not dying before I am, got it?" A soft smirk poked through his expression.
Todoroki lowered his head as a small smile materialized on his countenance. "But you're not dying before I am."
Damn you, Icyhot. Damn you. I didn't want a reason to live. I wanted to die without doubting whether or not I truly wanted it. But just this simple interaction changed so much. Not like the world turned upside-down or anything, but just one conversation and one random person kept me from ending it all today.
Bakugou snickered and turned to face Todoroki. "Hey. Let's not jump today. Promise?"
Todoroki nodded. "I promise, Bakugou. Do you promise not to jump for another day?
"I promise…Todoroki."
Even if it's a false hope for a better tomorrow, we'll carry on. I have a reason to. A shitty reason, but a reason nonetheless. So, for today, let's hold off, and we'll save dying for another day.