Chapter 5. Doubt and Fear.
My blade cuts through the air with a satisfying drive into the target. Thinking about Renaru and how we might have parted on bad terms. He seemed so happy to be around me that I knew that would never end.
I toss my other blade into the target just mere centimeters from the first. My eyes are trained on the target. Something about Father is different. His eyes keep trying to turn crimson. His thorns show themselves more and more often yet the memory of Renaru holding my hand often surfaces in my mind. The way his smile dazzles and shines so brightly in my mind is also occupied by the muscles and the confidence oozing from every pore. The thought of his hand ghosts through my mind as I mark my blade throwing practice in the ledger.
Father is spending quite a lot of time in his prayer room. All I hear is anger and his mother tongue lashing the air with a phlegmy vengeance. I set the ledger in its usual spot and make my way to my room with some water for my plants. Passing the same old pictures of myself and Father. Never a single one with my aunties. Me when I was younger at my baptism. A little bit after that was me at our first church where Father first met my mother. He almost never talks about her now.
All I know is that she died soon after giving birth to me. Other than that she was deemed a taboo subject. He always seems guarded about talking about her. I do know where a picture of her is. When I get to my room I go straight to my plants and water them well enough. I go over to my shelves full of approved books. Most of them inoffensive children's books and some of them novels like Lord of the Rings and the Chronicles of Narnia.
I pulled a few books off the shelves and gently took out my hidden stash of manga and other such things like my underwear and tampons. Feeling how I feel about Renaru. Feeling that he makes me happy when he smiles. Or the fact my heart beat quicker when he squeezed my hand.
Is it a sin to feel the way I do? To constantly think of him and want to be by his side Renaru is a determined and strong-willed boy. A calming and serene presence is what he needs to get him under control.
His hot-blooded self is too… unwieldy. I dig through the box and find the one picture of my mother. She's smiling. Her belly was swollen from me being there. Her hair is much softer looking than my own.
I wonder what she did when she found out she fell in love with Father. Maybe she went a little wild thinking about it like I am now. Still I wish I had that guidance. I wish Mother had been around just a little longer.
At least I dont have vines constantly rubbing against my sensitive areas because Auntie gave me a bra and panties just because. But that's not the issue right now. The issue is…
I hear the door close to the outside and I suddenly throw the picture into the box. My haste only makes more noise considering Father's abilities… I would never stand a chance. I hear his footsteps quicker than ever. Not even letting me get ready to receive him he just slams aside the door with narrow eyes and thorns twisting into branches. His hands hovering over his coat with the blade hilts inside ready for him to grab.
I've only seen him like this once before. His eyes fall onto the small box on the floor. My box contains all my essentials and other things inside. He immediately darts over and grabs me, lifting me up and setting me down before sifting through the items.
"Devilry…" he snarls. "Manga… sinful materials…" his voice is edges away from breaking into that frantic screaming. Warbling and angry.
"And… all in a box with yer MOTHER." His voice quiets down a little. "You… you little… I didn't raise you like this. To blatantly sin against me and her. Ta sin against God." he looms above me and I back away slightly.
He gently lays his hand on my shoulder, "Don't think about running." he says.
It's not even holding me. All of a sudden I feel so small as his body becomes more wooden and his eyes glow a bright crimson. He smiles and I hear slight creaking noises. My knees shake and my eyes shut tightly. I feel the hand touch my cheek rough and wooden. Creaking slightly with the motion. I shake and quiver like I was when I was little. It retracts its hand and then grabs my arm roughly, almost yanking me along behind it.
I dare not to scream or open my eyes. Being tossed into a small space. I open my eyes and come face to face with a torn up room full of what was once rosaries and bibles and other such things. All shreds of old paper and cracked leather. The only light is a flickering old bulb barely hanging on the ceiling. All I hear from outside is that frantic and harsh voice screaming something. The thorns binding the door and holding it closed. I rush to the door and bang on it mercilessly. The thorns snarl out and almost cut into my fists but I shirk back before they can truly stab into me.
I slowly sink to the floor with my skirt pooling around my legs. My eyes staring at the torn pages and the rosary beads scattered across the floor. Slowly going numb from all the noise and the dimness of the room. I feel tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I will myself not to cry. But then I hear it. I hear my pots getting smashed. Hearing my books both approved and ones I got because I read that special manga Renaru got me torn to ribbons. A staccato of constant destruction. A storm of pure fury and malice just swirling outside.
I curl into a little ball and begin to sob. Soft at first but then drowning into a rain of loud gut-wrenching cries. The minutes stretch to hours but I don't move. My hair shields me from anything that might hurt me.
I suddenly hear the vines retract from the door and all I hear is silence. Just some slight creaking. Seeing the damage extend from the kitchen all the way upstairs and over towards my room. I'm not even taking my chances and just going. I could just imagine my sweet little children all squashed underfoot and my books and manga all torn. My clothes all turned back into scraps. I swallow down more tears and move on.
I go out of the house without even staring a glance at the couch where my father slumbers. Or whatever he was. Leaving everything behind. All except for one thing. My mother's picture. Of course I wouldn't leave it.
Facing the city out before me. The lights are shining in the distance just by Renaru's house. If I went there the monster would easily find me. I move silently and through the underbrush. The monster wouldn't get me.
I know it wouldn't. My father always beats it. He will this time…
Right? I still need to get moving. Mostly because I don't want to spend the night out somewhere else. I walk alone with my gaze straight ahead of me. Heading to a place where I know it would never go. My auntie lives near the red light district. I walk up to the door seeing her name written next to the door. The light above it flickers a little. I knock and hear on the other side.
"Ow! Damn! Hang on a sec!" she yells. Her steps draw closer and the door opens, spilling warm electric light on my face. Her blue eyes widen as she realizes I'm here. She immediately grabs me and yanks me inside.
"Ibara! Are you okay? Did my brother do anything dumb? Listen, just sit down and you can tell me all about it!"
She sits me down. Her apartment is too small for how big she is. She's taller than my father with her ponytail included. I shakily nod and she sits herself down across from me.
"Auntie Maryanna… was my father always a monster?"
"A monster?" Auntie asks, "Not that I know of. You'd probably have to go to Yue for that info. But… as they say mi casa is su casa. I'll keep ya safe if he comes a calling.'' She reaches over and grabs my hand.
"You got nothing to worry-" I lunge towards her chest squeezing her tight.
"Thank you Auntie… Thank you so much!" She hugs me back.
"You're welcome. Now I got a tourney to get ready for. I got one hell of a student. Kinda reminds me of the Tyrant Queen. Real happy go lucky that one…" she sighs. "Got glowing hair. Bright and happy. Underdog."
I blink. "Renaru's your student?" I ask.
"Well more like ameteur choice for the Junior Tourney." Auntie reasons. "Why? You like him or something?" she brightens at that.
"Well… I… I don't know." I mumble. "He IS quite admirable…" I smile and close my eyes remembering how carefree he is.
"Although he can be a bit of a ditz. And… and so hot-blooded… he makes everything sound so easy." I sigh.
"He's relentless. But that's from talent. That or sheer will." Auntie says. "Seems to be the real hero type. Like that fire swordsman from years ago. What was his name…"
I get to my feet. "I'm going to bed Auntie. I'm sure we'll find the answers to our questions tomorrow." I bow my head. "Thank you so much for letting me stay over."
"Not an issue kiddo. I knew it was a matter of time." Auntie waved her hand a little.
My hands fly into the heavy bag. My eyes are burning into it like a true enemy. All day I've been focusing on my training. No breaks and nothing but training. I begin to see red whenever I look at the old bag. 'It's an eyesore!' I think, 'A goddamn EYESORE!'
I stumble and fall down on my back. My body is aching. My muscles burn and my eyes burn with tears, "Damn it! Damn it! Only one more day and I can't get it! I got the physical stuff down but… I'm still shit with my quirk!" I yell. Then… a memory comes back into my mind. An old man standing before me with a sword in his hands. His eyes behind a pair of sunglasses. His bright orange hair billows. He's shirtless showing off old tattoos of a flaming tiger. He looks like a Yakuza.
"The trick is to breathe. Keep it flowing like a bellows. That'll getcha the airflow ya need."
He turns away from me and concentrates, "Khhhhhh… HRAH!" He yells as a slash of blazing orange cuts the air and stays there for a bit before winking out. He turns back and kneels down. Setting his hand on my head.
"You got it. Ren. Just breathe." He smiles warmly and I see his memory fade away. Something about that filled me with resolve. I get onto my shaking feet and my rollicking legs. Just one more shot and it's over. One more blow and I can go to bed.
"One more blow and my future is busted open!" I clench my hands into fists going into my stance again. Taking a deep and slow breath bringing it in and out.
"Hhhhhh… Hhhhhh… Hhhhhh… hhhhhh…" my hair bursts to life and my fists glow under their bands. I smile and charge at the bag with my body feeling lighter and faster. Like fire! I bash my fists into the bag and… The chain shatters and it bursts from the flames and my punch hitting it. Bathing the garage in sandy oblivion. Suddenly the door flies open and it's Mom with flaming hair holding a bamboo sword.
"WHERE! WHAT! WHY! WHO!" She screams before realizing I just made a huge mess. She sighs and lowers the sword.
"Sheesh baby… just about gave me a heart attack." She smiles. "Ya figured out your quirk huh. Look at your hair! It's all cheery and blazing now!" She walks over and runs her hand through it with embers dancing off it.
"What about the garage?" I ask.
"Eh. I'll clean it in the morning. I got your gear to give you when you get up on the day." She says. "Off to bed for you buster!"
"Right right…" I yawn. "Hey mom. Why do you think Mister Shiozaki was so sad today? I lent Ibara some of my manga and went to go get them back. All I got was them badly taped and stapled together."
Mom sighs. "You always worry about others more than yourself… I'm sure that old man is fine."
"I can't shake the feeling something went horribly wrong… You know how you always tend to sense when I'm in danger I… I gotta see if she's okay!"
Mom smirks. "Aww… you like her!" She coos.
"Of course I do!" I exclaim, "She's… she's really important to me!" I turn around and head towards my room "But I gotta rest for the day after tomorrow! Dammit!" I huff softly and open my door. I slam it shut and tackle my bed.
Soon enough I fall asleep. Imagining Ibara right next to me sleeping softly. Holding my hand close to her heart. I smile and drift further into sleep but not without saying…
"I… love you Ibara…"