Carina felt her entire body go numb as Danielle continued to talk. She couldn't really hear what she was saying, having completely spaced out. Danielle quickly recognized this and stopped talking, gently putting her hand on Carina's knee.
"Carina," she said softly, "Hey, are you still with me?"
"I...um…I need to text Maya or call her or so I tell her to come down here? No, she has to work. She should work. I can do this by myself. But she does need to take the twins to daycare," Carina rambled, her breathing becoming erratic.
"Carina, hey," Danielle said, "Look at me. I know this is a lot, but we are going to get you taken care of, ok? Maya can come down here and be with you if that's what you want. I know she would drop whatever she has going on in a second for you. She can hold your hand through the biopsy and I am going to have them rush the results so I should have them back today so we can set up a game plan moving forward. If those results are positive, I have a PET scan booked for this afternoon and I've already told Dr. Cho that I have a VIP patient that might need a consult later. We are going to get you as many answers as I can today. It's going to be a long day, and you shouldn't do it alone. Call Maya. Or I can call Maya for you if you need me to."
"I will call her," Carina said, letting out a shaky breath, "But, um. Can you stay in case I can't tell her what's going on?"
"Of course," Danielle nodded, "I'm right here."
Carina nodded before picking up her phone. She had a text from Maya from about two minutes ago asking if she was going to make it home in time to take the girls. Carina quickly called her wife, feeling her heart pounding as it rang.
"Hey Babe," Maya said, answering the phone, "Are you on your way home? If not, that's fine. The girls are dressed and ready for daycare if I need to take them."
"Um, Bambina," Carina started, voice shaky.
"What's going on?" Maya asked, immediately hearing something was wrong.
"The girls need to go to daycare today," Carina said, fighting to keep her voice steady.
"Ok," Maya said, "That's fine. Are you ok?"
"I need you to come here," Carina said, feeling tears well up in her eyes.
"Carina, what's going on?" Maya asked, her body going cold.
"I got my pap smear results back this morning," Carina said, tears running down her cheeks, "And, Bambina, the results were…abnormal…Danielle wants to run tests, but…Um…it's probably not nothing…"
"I will be there in twenty minutes," Maya said, already moving like a tornado around their house, gathering everything she needed to drop the girls off at daycare for the entire day, "Are you ok?"
"Just come," Carina said, tears flowing down her cheeks, "I'm in Danielle's office when you get here."
"Ok," Maya said, "Carina, I will be there as soon as I can. I love you."
"I love you too," Carina said, "Oh, and Maya, please don't tell anyone what's going on? Just until we know…"
"I won't say anything," Maya said as she grabbed Nora who was trying to escape from getting her shoes put on, "I will be there soon."
Carina hung up the phone, taking a tissue that Danielle offered her.
"Is there anything I can get for you?" Danielle asked, "Or anyone I can call?"
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "No, I just need to wait for Maya."
"Carina, we are going to get you the best care possible," Danielle said, "And I didn't see anything when I was doing your exam last week which is a good sign. It probably means that it's not very advanced, and we are getting this all done quickly so we can get you on the best treatment plan possible."
Carina nodded, just trying to process everything that had happened in the last twenty minutes that had utterly and completely changed her life. She just sat there with Danielle, neither of them talking at all, until there was a knock on the door. Danielle got up, opening the door. Carina looked up as her wife and daughters walked in.
"Hey," Maya said, immediately dropping the diaper bag and wrapping her arms around her wife, the Italian instantly breaking down into tears, "I'm here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
They probably could have stayed there forever, but Rowan started fussing.
"I've got her," Danielle said as the women broke apart.
"No," Carina said, wiping her eyes, "Let me have her."
Carina walked over to the stroller, picking Rowan up.
"Mamma otay?" Rowan said, reaching over and brushing the tear on Carina's cheek.
"Mamma is just a little sad and overwhelmed right now Patatina," Carina said, sitting down on the couch, Rowan clutched tightly in her arms, "But Mamma is going to be just fine."
"It otay Mamma," Rowan said, kissing her cheek gently, "Lobe oo."
"I love you too," Carina said, pulling her closer as Maya walked over with Nora in her arms.
"Mamma try?" Nora said with concern, trying to ask if Carina was crying.
"Mamma is just a little upset right now," Maya explained, "I bet if you give her a big hug, she will feel better."
Nora climbed over to Carina, the Italian picking her up too, just holding both her babies to her. Maya had about a million questions, but she knew that in this moment, it was important for both Carina and the girls to have a few minutes together.
She pulled out her phone, snapping a picture of this moment. It was something she tried desperately hard to remember to do, and right now, with how completely uncertain everything felt, she was desperate to capture every moment of her wife and daughters.
Soon enough, Rowan and Nora got restless in Carina's lap, getting down.
"I am going to run them to daycare," Maya said, "I'll be back as fast as I can, ok? Or do you want to come?"
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "No, I look like a disaster."
"Ok," Maya said, "I'll take them. Rowan, come on. It's time to get in the stroller."
"No," Rowan said, "No."
"Come on," Maya said as the little girl stiffened her body as she tried to put her in the stroller, "It's time for daycare."
"No," Rowan said again, thrashing around, "No 'it."
"Rowan Andrea, I do not have time for this right now," Maya said as Carina got up, walking over to them.
"Bambina, just let her walk," Carina said, "Patatina, will you walk with Mommy?"
"Si," Rowan nodded, sniffling a little bit.
"Alright," Maya sighed, "Let's go. Carina, I will be right back."
Maya walked out of the office, Danielle looking at Carina.
"Ok," she said, "I am going to go get the exam room set up. I'll come get you when it's ready. I have asked Cindy to help me today, but other than her, I won't tell anyone what's going on unless you tell me I can."
"Grazie," Carina nodded as Danielle left the room.
Cindy was one of the older OB/GYN nurses and one of Carina's favorites. She was also not one to spread hospital gossip which is why Danielle had asked her to help. Maya came walking back into the office about five minutes after she left, immediately going to her wife.
"Ok, what is going on exactly?" Maya asked, sitting down, "The results were abnormal, but what does that mean?"
"It means we need to do more tests," Carina sighed, "But you know how my pelvis has been sore and my periods have been worse than normal? Well, those are signs that there is something going on."
"If you were having symptoms, why didn't you get checked earlier?" Maya asked.
"Because my pelvis has been sore on and off since I had the bambini," Carina said, getting defensive, "And I thought my period changes were maybe hormonal. I don't know. I didn't have HPV which is what causes this most of the time so I had no reason to think there was anything wrong."
"Sorry," Maya said, realizing that was not the right thing to ask, "I wasn't accusing you of anything. I was just worried you were neglecting yourself, and we promised not to do that after we became moms. Sorry."
"It's ok," Carina shrugged, leaning her head on Maya's shoulder, the blonde wrapping her arm around her.
"How are you feeling?" Maya asked, pressing a kiss to Carina's head.
"Scared," Carina said honestly, "And tired and confused and a lot of other things. How are you feeling?"
"Terrified," Maya said, matching her wife's honesty, "And worried about you."
"I am going to be ok Bambina," Carina said, looking up at her wife, seeing the tears in her favorite pair of blue eyes.
"But you don't know that," Maya said, "Not yet. You don't know anything yet."
"Exactly," Carina said, "I don't know anything yet so before we start thinking the worst, let's just get through today, ok?"
Maya nodded, wiping the tears off her cheeks, hugging her wife. They sat there for a minute before Danielle walked back in.
"The room is set up for the biopsy," Danielle said, "Whenever you are ready."
"Let's get this done," Maya said, standing up. Carina, however, just sat there, staring the wall.
"Babe," Maya said, crouching down next to her, "Come on."
"I don't want to," Carina said quietly, looking down at her hands.
"I am going to give you two another minute," Danielle said, "I'm in exam 4 when you're ready."
Maya nodded before looking back at her wife. "Carina, what's going on?"
"I don't want to do this," Carina said, "Once I do this, it's real and I don't want this to be real. I want to wake up from the nightmare that this day has already been and if I don't go get this test, it won't be real."
"Carina, you and I both know that's not true," Maya said, rubbing her wife's back, "Not getting this test won't make anything any better. Do you know what the first thing we do when we get to a fire is? We inspect what's going on, get as much information as we can possibly get so we know how to tackle the problem in the best possible way. That's what we have to do here. We need to get all the information so we can tackle this problem in the best possible way. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but Car, if we go home, I know I won't be able to calm down and I am pretty sure you won't be able to calm down until we know what's going on. Am I right?"
Carina nodded, sniffling a little as Maya handed her a tissue.
"Ok," the blonde said, "So should we go get the test done?"
"Si," Carina said weakly, both of them standing up, Maya putting her hand into Carina's immediately.
"I'm right here for you," Maya said, "No matter what."
"Thank you," Carina said, wiping the last of her tears before they walked out of the office.
Carina was glad exam 4 was close to the office because she looked like a mess and didn't want to have to explain that to anyone. They walked into the room, Cindy and Danielle both smiling a little.
"Alright," Danielle said, "Here is your cover. We are going to step out, just call when you're ready."
Carina nodded, taking the blanket like item from her from her.
"Do you want me to stay?" Maya asked, "Or I can go?"
"Please stay," Carina said, realizing she was still in her scrubs as she bent down to take off her shoes.
"I'm right here," Maya said, smiled at her.
Carina pulled off her pants and underwear, Maya taking them from her, folding them nicely and putting them on the chair as Carina sat on the table, wrapping her lower half in the blanket. "Ready?" Maya asked, tucking a piece of hair behind Carina's ear.
"Si," Carina nodded as Maya leaned over, giving her a quick kiss before going to the door, cracking it open a little.
"Alright," Danielle said, coming in with Cindy, "Carina, you know how this goes, but the first thing I am going to do is go in with some lido and numb you up. Then, I am going to leave for about ten minutes, come back, and get the sample, ok?"
"Yes," Carina nodded as she laid down, grabbing Maya's hand as she got into place.
"Alright," Danielle said, putting the speculum in so she could see what she was doing before grabbing the lidocaine, "Little pinch here Carina."
The Italian gripped Maya's hand hard as the numbing medication was injected, tears filling her eyes.
"It's ok," Maya said, leaning over so Carina could see her face, "This part is almost over. You are so strong."
"I'm done," Danielle said, pulling out the speculum, "Alright. I am going to go do a few things in my office. I'll be back in a few minutes."
Carina sat up, Maya helping her get covered back up with the blanket.
"Dr. Bishop-Deluca, is there anything I can get you?" Cindy asked, "Or you Chief Bishop-Deluca?"
"Please, call us Carina and Maya," the Italian said, "Especially today. And no, Cindy, I am good."
"I'm also good," Maya said, offering a smile, "Thank you."
"Alright," Cindy said, "I will be back with Dr. Johnson then."
"You doing ok?" Maya asked, walking in front of Carina, holding her hand.
"Si," Carina nodded, "It's starting to get numb and it's strange. How did you get out of work today?"
"I called the captain at 88 and told him I had a family emergency," Maya said, "I didn't say what it was, but I told him I would reschedule their inspection at some point and also asked him not to say anything to anyone else."
Carina nodded, rubbing her puffy eyes with the hand Maya wasn't holding.
"Once we know what's going on, we can tell people," Carina said, "I just didn't want to spend today with people asking questions and not having answers. And I need time to process this with just you."
"Babe, we can tell people or not tell people however you want," Maya said, "And we can take as much time as you need."
Carina yawned a little bit, some of the adrenaline of the morning starting to wear off.
"Did you get any sleep last night?" Maya asked, remembering Carina had gotten this news coming off of a 24-hour shift.
"Maybe two hours," Carina shrugged.
"What do you have to do after this test?" Maya asked.
"Danielle wants to get the results of the biopsy back, but she has someone in the lab who is going to do it right away," Carina sighed, "Bit it will still probably take an hour or more. And then she has me set up for a PET scan."
"What's that?" Maya asked, playing with Carina's hair a little.
"It's a scan that detects abnormal cell growth in the body," Carina said, "To see if things have spread."
"Ok," Maya said, nodding, "Well, after this, why don't we go back to your office and you can try to get some sleep."
"I'm not going to be able to sleep," Carina sighed, shaking her head, "My body is too…on fringe?"
"On edge," Maya corrected gently, "And maybe you can just lay down and rest, even if you don't sleep."
Carina nodded, leaning forward into Maya's arms. Maya just held her, rubbing her back for a while until there was a knock on the door.
"Ready?" Danielle asked as she and Cindy both walked in.
"Not really," Carina said honestly, "But let's do this."
"Ok," Danielle said, "I am going to do a colposcopy and do a biopsy using that and then do an endocervical curettage just to make sure I don't miss anything and get images of anything I find. Ready?"
Carina nodded as she held tightly to Maya's hand.
"Just focus on me, Car," the blonde said, positioning herself so she was directly in Carina's sightline, "You are doing so amazing. I'm right here."
Carina winced a little, squeezing Maya's hand tighter.
"Sorry," Danielle said, "That should be the worst of it. I just got the ECC sample and you know numbing that area is a lot harder."
"It's ok," Carina said, steading her breathing.
"You doing ok?" Cindy asked as she took one sample tube from Danielle, handing her another one.
"Si," Carina nodded, Maya brushing a tear off her cheek.
"Just a few more minutes," Danielle said.
"Are you seeing any lesions?" Carina asked, trying hard not to move around too much.
"I am," Danielle nodded, "But it is small. I am going to get the whole thing with the biopsy I think."
"That's good, right?" Maya asked, "That it can be taken out here?"
"It will depend on the results of the biopsy," Danielle said, carefully removing the small lesion, handing the specimen to Cindy, "But the fact that what I can see is small is positive."
"I'm going to take these down to the lab," Cindy said, "And I will stay down there until I have the results."
"You don't have to do that, Cindy," Carina said, frowning.
"Well, the person I got to run these samples is my husband and we haven't spent much time together in the past few days, so I selfishly want to stay down there to hound him," Cindy said, smiling at Carina, "I will be back up as soon as I have results."
"Thanks," Danielle called as Cindy snuck out the door.
"Alright," the gynecologist said, "I am done. You know the drill, but just as a reminder, you might have some bleeding or cramping for the next few days. No penetration for at least 24 hours, call me if you have any signs of infection. Take Tylenol if you need it."
"Grazie," Carina said as Maya helped her sit up.
"Alright," Danielle said, "I will come find you when those results come back?"
"Ok," Carina nodded, "We will probably be in my office?"
"Sounds good," Danielle nodded, "It should be maybe two hours for that to get processed. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No," Carina said as Maya shook her head.
"Ok," Danielle said, slipping out so Carina could get dressed.
"How are you feeling?" Maya asked as she handed Carina her underwear and pants.
"I don't know," the Italian said, "I want out of these clothes though."
"Do you have comfy clothes in your office?" Maya asked, kneeling down and putting Carina's shoes on, seeing from her movements that her wife was already not feeling great, "If not, I can run home or to the station and get some."
"I think I have something," Carina said, lifting her foot so Maya could put her shoe on, "Grazie Bambina."
"Of course," Maya smiled, standing up, "Alright. Your office?"
"Si," Carina nodded, stopping before they went to walk out, "Honestly, how bad do I look?"
"You look beautiful, as always," Maya said, smiling at her.
"Maya, I'm serious," Carina said, not wanting to get asked by every damn nosy person in this hospital if she was ok.
"You look tired," the blonde said honestly, "And I can tell you have been crying, but I don't think anyone else will be able to."
Carina nodded, taking a deep breath before they walked out of the exam room. Luckily, they made it to Carina's office without running into anyone, the Italian immediately going to her cabinet in the corner.
"Bambina, can you go in the bottom drawer of my desk and get me a pad?" Carina asked, pulling out one of Maya's station s-shirts and a pair of black yoga pants form the stash of clothes she kept in her office.
"Of course," Maya nodded, "Do you want some Tylenol too?"
"Maybe," Carina nodded, "Just to get ahead of this before it gets worse. And can you get the heating back out of that drawer too?"
"Of course," Maya nodded, laughing a little as she opened the drawer and found the drawer filled with pads, tampons, a heating bad, various pain meds, a small bottle of Pepto pills, chocolate, and little bags of potato chips, "Is this your period drawer?"
"It's for me and anyone else who needs it," Carina nodded as Maya handed her the pad, "As an OG/GYN, a lot of people like to come and complain to me about their periods so I like to keep things here if anyone needs them."
Maya smiled, pulling Carina into a hug.
"You never cease to amaze me with your generosity for others," Maya said, giving her a small kiss.
Carina blushed a little, just staying in her wife's arms before going into the bathroom to change.
As she did, Maya plugged the heating pad in, turning it on before grabbing her phone.
She had a message from the Chief, asking why she had canceled the inspection for 88. She realized in her haste to get to Carina's side, that she hadn't told her boss what was going on. She emailed him back, saying that she had a family emergency come up and that she would reschedule the inspection when things calmed down.
She knew she was probably going to need to set up a formal meeting with him to discuss what was going on and how it was going to impact her work, but for now, she decided to leave it alone.
She also had a message from Andy, saying the captain from 88 had texted her, asking if Maya was alright because of the family emergency and Andy was worried that there was something going on with Maya, Carina, or the girls. She texted Andy back, saying everyone was safe and that she would talk to her later.
She decided to ignore everything else for now because Carina walked out of the bathroom just then.
"Come here," Maya said, patting the couch next to her.
Carina laid down on the couch, putting the heating pad on her belly which was already feeling crampy and icky. Her hair was in a loose braid, by Maya immediately started playing with it, gently massaging Carina's head as she did so.
"Try to get some rest Car," Maya said, pressing a kiss into her temple, "I will be right here."
"I don't think I can sleep," Carina said, eyes closed, "I just keep thinking that a few hours ago, everything was normal, and now, everything has changed."
"Not everything," Maya said, "I still love you; the girls still love you; we still have our family."
"But now, god, we need to call the fertility doctor," Carina said, sitting straight upright, "We are not going to be able to do a transfer any time soon. Maybe never. I didn't even..."
Carina just started bawling, Maya a little bit confused as to what had just happened as she wrapped her arms around her wife. She knew that they were going to have to put their baby plans on hold, but she didn't know why they couldn't just pick them back up once they got this taken care of. Carina sobbed for a long time before the tears broke off into soft sniffles.
"What just happened?" Maya asked, handing Carina a tissue.
She knew that today had been a lot, but that full breakdown seemed like something more.
"I just remembered what the standard treatment is for this," Carina said, looking down at her hands.
"Which is…?" Maya said, feeling herself getting worried.
"Total, radical hysterectomy," Carina whispered, tears filling her eyes again, "Which means no babies."
"Oh Carina," Maya said, pulling her close as she started crying again, feeling tears prick her own eyes, "It will be ok. Maybe Danielle got it all today and you won't have to do that."
"Maya, it's not that simple," Carina said, "If this is…what I think it is, the only option, the one that will give me the best chances, is a hysterectomy. And as much as I don't want to, I want to be here with you and our girls and I never want to go through this again."
"Ok," Maya said, rubbing her back, "Ok, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We don't even know exactly what we are dealing with yet. And, if it comes down to it, even if you have to have a hysterectomy, you are not the only one with a uterus in this relationship."
"What?" Carina said, looking at her wife.
"Well, if you can't carry, many months from now when you are better and all of this is behind us, I would be willing to be the one to carry the baby," Maya said, not totally able to read her wife's expression, worried she had made her upset, "Or, I don't have to. We have two beautiful girls and I would be happy if we only ever had them too. Whatever you want."
"You would really do that?" Carina said, "You would put your career on hold to carry our baby?"
"That's not even a question," Maya said, "Of course I would. I mean, it was by far easier for you to carry the girls because you can do your full job while pregnant, but our family is the single most important thing in my entire life and I would do whatever for our family. If I had to, I would give up my career forever for you and the girls."
Carina's chin wobbled as Maya talked. She knew their family was this important to her wife but hearing her say it out loud made her emotional.
"I love you," Carina said, leaning over and giving Maya a kiss.
"I love you too," Maya said, smiling at her as they pulled apart.
Just then, Carina let out a huge yawn.
"Ok, time to try to rest," Maya said, laying Carina back down on her lap, "I am right here. Please, try to close your eyes. You need to rest."
"Will you talk to me?" Carina asked, putting the heating pad back on her belly, "About what you would have done at work today if you hadn't come here."
"Of course," Maya nodded, going back to playing with Carina's hair.
She did this often when her wife couldn't sleep. Carina really did enjoy hearing about Maya's job, but it was just uninteresting enough that it would put her to sleep. She would ask Maya to run through things like the steps to an incident report or a specifics station's budget report for the quarter or things like inspections or how to properly maintain an engine.
These were all things Maya could talk about for days, and Carina was always happy to listen, but when she was tired, falling asleep to her wife talking about the boring parts of her job would help remind her brain that the blonde didn't spend all her time running into flames and that most of the Battalion Chief's job revolved around paperwork and inspections and other boring things that were perfectly safe.
They sat there like that for close to an hour, Maya running through everything she would look for on a typical station inspection before there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," Carina called, sitting up. Danielle walked in, followed by another Doctor Maya had met at a party once but didn't recall her name.
"I'm Dr. Melissa Cho," the Asian woman said, "I am a gynecologic oncologist."
"So, the results were positive," Carina said, voice quivering as her colleagues s sat down in the chairs in her office, Maya gripping her hand.
"It was. I'm so sorry. Carina, you have cervical cancer," Danielle nodded, "The margins on the lesion I biopsied also weren't perfectly clean so we know there is more still there."
"I want to get a PET scan," Melissa said, "To see how much it has spread. The margins on the biopsy did show that Dr. Johnson got most of it, but I just want to make sure there's nothing hiding. And then after the scan, I want to talk to you about treatment moving forward, but no matter what, we are probably looking at a radical hysterectomy then radiation and possibly chemo as well, but I won't know for sure until I see what stage we are dealing with, as you know Carina. Or we can talk about options that would potentially preserve your fertility if that's what you are looking for."
Both Maya and Carina nodded, holding tightly to each other's hands.
"Alright," Melissa said, "Well, we are going to get you down to the scan room, Cindy is already waiting with the tracer so whenever you are ready."
"Let's get this over with," Carina said, reaching for her shoes.
"Can I come?" the blonde asked, not totally sure what was about to happen.
"Yes," Melissa nodded as she and Danielle got up, "You can sit with her until it's time for the scan. She has to get a dye injected before we do the scan and then it has to circulate for about 45 minutes. I have another consult to do right now so I will see you when the scan is over."
"Scan room 2," Danielle said, smiling at them, "I will also see you after the scan."
Maya helped her wife get her shoes on, trying not to feel everything she was feeling. For the first time, someone had said out loud that her wife actually had cancer and it felt like she had been punched in the gut. Everything that had been theoretical all morning was suddenly very much real and terrifying. But for now, Maya decided to put on a brave face because she couldn't even imagine how scared her wife must be.
"Ready?" Maya asked, offering as much of a smile as she could.
"Si," Carina nodded, standing up, shifting a little as her stomach cramped a bit, a reminder of what had happened earlier.
They walked out of the office, heading toward the scan rooms when suddenly they hear a familiar voice behind them call out, "Bishop-Delucas."
They both stopped, turning around and seeing Amelia walking toward them.
"Hey, what are you doing here? Carina, didn't you have a 24 hour that ended this morning?" the neurosurgeon said.
"I did," Carina nodded, really trying hard to put on a brave face, but of course her best friend saw right through both of them.
"What's going on?" Amelia asked, immediately noticing how somber both women looked.
"Not right now," Carina said, shaking her head, biting her lip to try to keep from crying.
"Hey, ok," Amelia said, taken aback by their demeanor, "But is there anything I can do?"
At this point, there were tears running down Carina's cheeks and Maya pulled her close, the Italian burying her head in her wife's neck.
"It's been a really long day," Maya said, "And we got some news that we will share later, but right now, we just…we just need to process this."
"Of course," Amelia said, putting a hand on Carina's shoulder, squeezing it in support, "And you don't have to tell me anything, but if there is anything you need, help with the girls or food or someone to talk to, I'm here for you guys, ok?"
"Thank you," Maya nodded, still holding Carina who was now sobbing.
Amelia walked away, very worried about her friends. Maya decided the scan could wait a few more minutes, opening the door to Carina's office again and pulling her back to the couch before she just held her, letting her cry.
"Sorry," the Italian said some minutes later, "I just…the thought of telling people…I don't know…"
"You don't have to apologize for anything Babe," Maya said, "Today is a really sucky day, and if you cried for the rest of it, that would be completely acceptable. Now, are you ready to go get this scan?"
"Si," Carina nodded, standing back up.
They made it to the scan room, this time without incident, finding Cindy there with a fresh gown.
"You know the drill," Cindy said, guiding them to the changing room, "Everything off and in a locker and then I will get the IV in and get you started."
"Grazie," Carina nodded as Cindy left. She got undressed, putting on the gown with Maya's help.
"What time is it?" Carina asked, suddenly remembering something.
"It's 11 am," Maya said, "Why?"
"I can't be around the girls for 6 hours after this test," Carina said as they walked into the scan room, "This is radioactive material and it can be harmful to them."
"So, I can see if Vic and Travis can take them for a sleepover," Maya suggested, "The girls love going over there."
"No, I want them home tonight," Carina said, feeling herself start to get upset, "I need them home tonight."
"Ok," Maya said, "Well, it's only 11 so if you get the meds now, six hours is five so they can stay at daycare until 5, and then we can bring them home. And if you want to go home before then, I can come back and pick them up. We will have our girls home tonight if that's what you need."
Carina nodded, wiping the tears in her eyes.
"Come on," Maya said, taking Carina's hand, "Let's go see Cindy."
They went back into the room, Cindy motioning for Carina to sit down on a bed near the wall.
"Alright," Cindy said, "I am going to put in this IV and run the contrast and also, Dr. Johnson asked that I run a bag of fluids for you to give you some hydration, and then you can relax here for the next forty-five minutes, and then we will come do the scan. Any questions Carina?"
"No," the Italian said, holding out her arm, wincing a little as Cindy put the IV in, Maya holding her other hand the entire time.
Once the contrast was in and the fluids were running, Cindy left them alone.
"Maya, come here," Carina said, suddenly feeling very desperate to be close to her wife.
"I'm right here," Maya said, standing next to the bed.
"No, I need you to hold me, please?" Carina said, motioning for Maya to get in the bed.
"Of course," the blonde said, getting into bed and holding her wife tightly.
They just laid there for the next forty-five minutes, neither of them talking, both of them just savoring this time together. Eventually, Carina had to get in the scanner, Maya going into the control room with Cindy and the technician.
"Thank you for everything you have done today," Maya said, looking at the nurse.
"I have been there before," Cindy said, looking at Maya, "Ten years ago, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. He's fine now, but I remember how terrifying all of it was. And I also remembering thinking I had to be so strong for him, but I am going to tell you that it is important to feel what you are feeling to, to let yourself feel the fear and sadness and anger that comes with this, and it's important that you talk about it with people, including your wife. This is hard, and she is going to need you, but she needs you to be at your best, and the only way you can do that, it to take care of yourself."
Maya nodded, feeling tears start to prick her eyes.
"Give me your phone," Cindy said, holding out her hand.
"Why?" Maya said, handing over the device after she unlocked it.
"This is my number," Cindy said, putting it in the phone, "I know you both have a lot of people who care about you, but if you ever need someone who gets it, text me or call me whenever you need to."
"Thank you," Maya said, taking her phone back and quickly texting Cindy so the nurse had her number.
"Can I give you a hug?" Cindy asked, looking at her.
Maya nodded, not normally enjoying hugs but feeling like that was all she needed right now. Cindy hugged her for a minute before pulling away, tears in both of their eyes.
"Alright," the technician said, "The scan is done."
Cindy and Maya went back into the scan room, the blonde helping her wife get redressed before they headed back to Carina's office.
"Babe, are you hungry?" Maya asked as they sat back down on the couch, "I can go get whatever you want."
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "I don't think I could stomach anything right now, but if you are hungry, you can go."
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I'm not hungry at all."
They just sat there together, Carina with the heating pad on her belly which was very crampy and uncomfortable even after taking Tylenol.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?" Carina asked, leaning her head on her wife's shoulder.
"No," Maya said, "I don't have to work until you are ready for me to go back to work, but I am off tomorrow."
"Can we take the twins to the Children's Museum?" Carina asked, "I just want to spend the day as a family."
"Of course," Maya nodded, kissing her forehead, "That sounds like a lot of fun. We haven't taken them there since last summer."
"Nora is going to go crazy for the room with the bubbles," Carina said with a watery smile, knowing how much their older daughter loved bubbles.
"Oh, and Rowan will probably never want to leave the water area," Maya said, "I left her in the tub until it was empty last night, and then she still threw a fit even though her lips were turning blue by the time I got her out."
Carina shook her head, chuckling a little bit. They settled back into a comfortable but tense silence as they waited for Carina's friends and now doctors to come back in.
About two hours after the scan finished, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," Carina called. Dr. Cho and Dr. Johnson both walked in.
"Alright," Dr. Cho said, sitting down, "Are you ready?"
"Ready as we'll ever be," Maya said as Carina squeezed her hand tightly.
Over the next hour, they talked about the plan for Carina's treatment moving forward.
Based on the scans and the biopsy, she was diagnosed with stage 1A2 cervical cancer, and the plan was to do a radical hysterectomy with pelvic lymphadenectomy in one week. She would then heal form the surgery for six weeks before undergoing 8 weeks of radiation treatments.
Dr. Cho had briefly brought up options to allow Carina to keep her uterus, but the Italian quickly shut those down, knowing taking it all out would give her the best chance to not have a relapse. Leaving the meeting, both of them felt overwhelmed but hopeful.
It was going to be an incredibly long few months with Carina needing surgery and radiation and then follow ups to make sure she remained cancer free.
However, the good news was, her five-year survival rate was 95-98% which was incredibly high and the chance of reoccurrence was less than 5%.
By the time the meeting was over, it was around 3 pm, meaning it would still be two hours before it would be safe for Carina to be around the twins. They decided to go home, Maya picking up some soup from one of Carina's favorite places on their way home.
They got home, eating their food before going upstairs and climbing into bed together, Carina finally falling asleep in her wife's arms.
Maya just held her, thinking about how much had changed since she woke up in this bed that very morning, causing her to pull her wife a little closer, never having been more grateful to be able to hold her.