Chapter 6

"James! James James James James James!" The boy slowed at hearing his name. He inwardly groaned as he saw Carlos bounding towards him like a golden retriever. He should've known he couldn't have made it out of school without one of his friends bombarding him.

It was finally Friday; he had somehow made it through the week. He'd been taking his pain pills, two at a time, every night this week, but last night he'd run out.

Of course, he knew the pills weren't going to last forever, but it still came as a terrible shock to him when his little orange bottle became empty. He felt so panicked, like he was suffocating. He could ask the doctor for more pills during his follow-up appointment coming up (even though he barely had any pain in his jaw). It was okay if he needed more pills, right? The doctor wouldn't think anything was wrong, right?

Because nothing was wrong with James. Sure, he was taking slightly more painkillers than prescribed, but those were from his doctor for the injuries he'd received. He needed them to recover, and he needed whatever amount would help him to feel better. There was nothing wrong with taking painkillers to feel better like he was doing, he told himself. Right?

"What, Carlos?" James mumbled, stuffing his books and folders into his backpack. He'd been feeling relatively good this week since he had been taking his painkillers, but he really didn't want to go home and spend the night with his empty bottle and his thoughts.

Carlos stopped in front of James next to his locker, grinning like he'd just won the lottery. "Do you wanna sleep over tonight?" He asked, his eyes shining hopefully as he looked up at the taller boy.

James inwardly groaned even louder. The last thing he wanted was for another one of his friends to ask him how he was and look at him with suspicion and doubt. He just wanted to go home and just not do anything and not talk to anyone and hopefully just go to sleep so he couldn't just forget everything. "Sorry, Carlos, I'm not really feeling too good today." Which wasn't really a lie.

Carlos's face fell. "Oh no! Are you sick? Does your face hurt? Logan said it could get infected, does it feel warm—"

James swiped away Carlos's hand as it reached for his forehead. "Carlos, it's not infected! I'm just… tired."

But Carlos wasn't one to back down easily when it came to having fun. "But please, James! Kendall and Logan are both busy, and I'm gonna be sooo bored! Please, James, pleeeease?"

James sighed and wiped a hand over his face. He'd always had a hard time saying no to Carlos, and besides, at least Mr. Are You Okay Kendall wasn't going to be there. Carlos wasn't going to grill him or look at him like he was going to break any second. And Carlos usually went to sleep at 10 o'clock at the latest, so it wasn't like it was going to be an all-night party. Because James was actually pretty tired.

"Ok, you got me, Carlos. I'll be there." Carlos cheered and gave James a hug. James shied away from the gesture, never a fan of hugs. Carlos was perhaps the only 16-year old boy who hugged his friends.

"Carlos, don't hug me." He whined, pushing Carlos away gently. The boy just shrugged and stepped back, the smile still on his face.

"Meet at my place at 7? This is gonna be so fun!" Carlos squealed, practically jumping up and down.

James agreed with meeting at 7, but in no way did he think this was going to be anything close to fun.

James huffed as he picked up his duffel bag and mumbled a quick thanks to his mom. Though Carlos only lived about 5 minutes away by car, it was getting chilly and James didn't feel like walking 15 minutes in the cold.

He rang the doorbell, stamping his feet on the cheesy "Bienvenido!" doormat. It beat what his family had on their doormat, which was a drab gray. He shivered a little as he waited for the door to open.

He didn't have to wait long. Carlos practically pulled the door off its hinges and gave James a hug. James didn't have the energy or the will this time to shy away, so he let Carlos embrace him and then stepped inside.

"Hi James! My mom made chocolate chip cookies!" He exclaimed, his smile bright and wide. James put down his bag and let Carlos drag him into the kitchen, where his mom was in fact pulling freshly baked cookies out of the oven.

"Hola, Jaime!" Mrs. Garcia greeted him cheerfully, calling James by the "Spanish version" of his name. "How is your jaw?" She asked.

James sat down in the chair next to Carlos. "It's healing well, thank you." He smiled at her, glancing over at Carlos, who was staring him down like a hawk. Even Carlos, who was usually oblivious to most things, knew something was up with James. James didn't think it was a coincidence the boy had asked him to sleep over tonight.

So much for not having his friends staring him down tonight.

"That's great to hear, honey. Here, have some cookies." Mrs. Garcia put the plate down, the sweet smell of chocolate wafting into James's nose. He was barely able to grab one before Carlos lunged for the plate.

"Mijo, manners!" His mom scolded. Carlos shrunk back sheepishly, with chocolate already smeared all over his mouth. James rolled his eyes and laughed. No matter how bad he was feeling, Carlos could always do something silly and make him feel better.

And he was feeling pretty bad. May it was because he hadn't taken his pills like he usually did by this time of the day after he'd returned home from school, but he was feeling really tired and grumpy. And his stomach hurt and was making some weird noises.

"Lo siento, mami." He mumbled, but when his mom wasn't looking, he stuck his tongue out at James. James rolled his eyes again, the warm cookies melting in his mouth.

Mrs. Garcia sat down next to Carlos. "How was your day, sweetie?" She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. James wished she had asked that question to him. The feeling came suddenly, unexpectedly, but it stuck and dug a hole into his heart. His mom was never home when he came back from school. And even when she was, she had never spoken to him with anything close to the sweet, gentle tone Mrs. Garcia used with Carlos.

"It was awesome! Cuz Fridays are always awesome, right James?" Carlos turned to look at James expectantly. James nodded but didn't say anything.

Mrs. Garcia gave him a slightly concerned look. "You look tired, honey. Are you sure you're doing okay?"

James looked into her eyes and wanted to tell her about the emptiness he felt, the sadness that just hit him sometimes, without warning. The pills. But instead he nodded. "I'm doing okay. I'm just a bit tired, recovering and all." He saw Carlos's face fall a little.

"Are you still sad about Ozzy?" He asked, his eyes wide.

James felt heat rising into his cheeks. That was one memory he did not want to revisit. He'd been trying to push the humiliating incident out of his mind, just like he tried to pretend people weren't whispering about him and giving him weird looks.

"What happened with Ozzy?" Mrs. Garcia asked.

"The other day, Ozzy went up to James and said he was ugly! He's super mean. I told him to stop, just like how you taught me, mami, but he didn't. But Kendall saved us and I think Ozzy is too scared to mess with us again." He finished proudly. His mom ruffled his hair affectionately and turned to look at James.

"I'm sorry, James. That was terrible of him to say."

James shrugged. "It's okay. He's just a stupid bully." He mumbled, not 100% believing it himself. No matter how much he tried to push Ozzy out of his head, he couldn't deny that his words had affected him.

Mrs. Garcia stood to put some dishes in the sink. "Oh, James, how are your parents? I haven't spoken to Brooke in a while."

Me and you both. James thought to himself, a familiar bitterness returning in his heart. He'd always just kind of… accepted his parents were busy, and that spending time with James wasn't their top priority. But ever since the accident (ever since the pills, but he wasn't willing to admit that to himself), he'd been feeling more resentful. They were his parents; why shouldn't he be their priority?

"Uh, they're good. Really busy with work and stuff." He answered, which was partly the truth but so far from it.

Mrs. Garcia "mhmmed" and finished drying the dishes. She didn't ask anymore, and James was glad to not elaborate. "So, what are you boys going to do tonight?"

At the question, Carlos perked up. "Oooh! Can we watch Finding Nemo? Or Spy Kids? Or—"

"Carlos, maybe we can let James decide?" Mrs. Garcia butt in. "He is our guest." Carlos's shoulders slumped and he pouted.

"Okay, fineeee." He turned to James. "What do you wanna do, James?"

James looked up at them both. "Oh. I, uh, Finding Nemo is fine. I don't really mind." Honestly, all he was really thinking about was those stupid white pills. All he really wanted was to let them sink into his stomach, making him feel like he was on the clouds again. So he wouldn't have to think about his parents, or anything.

But he had no idea how to get more. Going to Dr. Yu was probably not going to work, and he didn't really know anyone who dealt with… pills.

With his mind occupied, James let Carlos drag him down to the basement, and let him put in the movie and squish next to James on the couch.

The movie played, the blue and orange cartoon fish swimming around. James leaned back and closed his eyes, letting out a sigh.

He was drifting off when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder.

He jerked awake, blinking. Carlos stared at him with wide eyes. "Hey, James? Are you sleeping?" He whispered. The movie was still playing.

"Sorry. I'm just a bit tired, Carlos." James said, guilt flooding his system. Here he was falling asleep at his friend's sleepover. At 6 pm.

Carlos nodded and turned back to the movie. After about a minute, he opened his mouth and turned back towards James. "James?"

James stifled a yawn. "Yeah, what's up?"

Carlos shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Do you think what Ozzy said was true?" And for a moment, James froze, thinking Carlos had meant what Ozzy said about James, that was ugly.

But then Carlos bit his lip. "Like, the stuff he said about me?" He added. His eyelashes fluttered as he turned his gaze down and away from James nervously.

James let out a sigh. Carlos hadn't been asking about what Ozzy said about James, because why would he? James was fine, he was great, he wasn't ugly. But the thought lingered in the back of his mind. The old James wouldn't have been swayed by Ozzy's words. But Carlos probably had been.

"No, of course not." He said, almost instinctively springing into protective big brother mode. He didn't have any siblings, but Carlos came as close to having a little brother as James could get. "You can be super smart, and you're awesome."

Carlos smiled at that, his eyes shining. "You think so?"

And James nodded, because Carlos really was amazing, and kind and sensitive and generous and loving.

He was a lot better of a person than James. James tried to shake the thought, but it and other similar versions of it had nagged at him for a while, just like Ozzy calling him Scar. Perhaps longer than he'd let on.

He was pretty and stuff, but what about beyond that? What about beyond his exterior, in his heart? James rarely got complimented that he was "kind", or "thoughtful", or "selfless", things his friends heard quite often.

Carlos got closer to James and snuggled his head onto James's shoulder. Carlos was the only one who ever really got physical, hugging and snuggling and holding onto James when he was scared or when he just wanted to be friendly. James wasn't a huge fan of it, but he let Carlos get away with it, because he was Carlos.

The two fell asleep that way, a mess of tangled limbs and friendship.

"Hi James!" James turned and saw a familiar black-haired boy running towards him. It was the second week of first grade, and the boy went up to James and said hi to him every single morning. Every single one.

"Hey Carlos." He greeted softly. Carlos was nice enough, but his excitement and energy always made James feel a bit overwhelmed. He wasn't exactly his friend, but James let Carlos talk to him and sometimes he played with him and Kendall at recess.

The shorter boy grinned up at James cheekily. "Guess what my mami made me for lunch today!" When James didn't respond for a second, Carlos smashed his face up against James's. "Guess!"

James flinched back a little, wiping the drop of spit that had landed on his cheek. "Carlos, get away from me!" He whined, pushing the boy away from him.

Carlos gave him a sheepish smile. "Oops! Sorry, James! My mami says I need to learn what personal space is." He gave a shrug, like the word was a different language. James sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. His energetic kind-of friend got on his nerves easily.

"Yeah. You do." James mumbled, frowning. "That means you don't need to get in my face every day." He added quietly, mostly to himself.

But Carlos seemed to have super hearing, because he heard. His eyes dropped to the ground apologetically. "I'm sorry, James… but that's what friends do, right? We talk to each other. And we're friends, right?" He asked innocently, his wide eyes staring back up at James. He clearly expected an immediate yes.

So when James hesitated for a second, then 2, then 3, Carlos's wide eyes filled with tears. The small boy's shoulders dropped. Before James could say a word, he turned and ran off.

James sighed, feeling relieved Carlos was gone but at the same time terrible that he made him cry. It wasn't his fault Carlos was a crybaby… it wasn't, right?

But the guilt pounded in his chest like a million tiny fists. Carlos was way nicer than most of the other kids in his class, even more than Kendall. But he wasn't like Kendall; he was just so loud, so energetic, so up in your face, and James didn't know how to deal with it.

No matter what excuse James came up with, his young mind still guilted him. He ended up walking over to where Carlos sat by a tree. He stood over the boy, not knowing what to say. Carlos didn't look up, but instead occupied himself with playing with the dried grass on the ground.

James considered walking away, but something made him stay. Something inside of him told him he needed to apologize, to salvage whatever relationship he had with Carlos.

So he held out his lunch bag. "My mom made me a peanut butter sandwich." He blurted out. Carlos looked up curiously. The hurt from before erased from his face as a big smile wiped the sad look off his cherubic features.

"My mami made me turkey and cheese! Maybe we can share at lunch!" He squealed, jumping up and giving James a hug.

James almost flinched away, but he forced himself to hug Carlos back.

And it really wasn't so bad.

A/N- Hello again guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. BTR's going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow so going to try to tune in to that! Some exciting announcements coming up!

- AS