Chapter 8

The two friends played some video games before James left at around noon, reluctant to go home. When Carlos's mom kissed him twice on the cheeks and told him to come back anytime, James had to shove down the recurring thought of wishing he was a Garcia.

Because no matter how long and how often he was at the Garcia's home, he would never be a part of their family.

James had almost forgotten about the pill until he got home. He was taking off his jacket and it rolled out of his pocket, making a soft thunk as it hit the floor. He froze for a second, thinking about his actions that day. The guilt thumped in his chest, but so did excitement.

He bent down and picked it up, blowing on it once.

He jumped out of bed and went to the kitchen to grab some water. His parents weren't home as usual and he downed the capsule without thinking twice about. He'd already stolen it from his close friend; there was no turning back now.

About 20 minutes later, when the pain killers usually would have started showing its effects, James still felt the same. He pulled out some school work and absentmindedly stared at it. He yawned, put his cheek on the palm of his hand as he filled in the problems in his math worksheet.

But as he kept working, he felt more and more energized. It was like he had taken a shot of really strong caffeine, and he was suddenly alert and focused, which usually wasn't the case, especially recently.

He finished all his math homework and started on history. He felt like he could read the whole dictionary and write a report about it. He felt energy practically flowing through his veins.

Before he knew it, 2 hours had flown by and James had finished all his schoolwork for the weekend. And it was only Saturday. He smiled to himself and lay back down on his bed. It was nice, feeling like he had so much energy and could do so much, but…

But it wasn't the same.

It wasn't the same as feeling like he was out on top of the world, the way he did with the painkillers. He was still in this world, a world where his parents were not the Garcias and his friends judged him, which was exactly the problem. He thought the Adderall would give him the boost he needed. It did give him a boost, just not the one he was looking for.

He reached under his bed and pulled out the empty orange pill bottle that previously held his precious white tablets.

"Hydrocodone/acetaminophen (Norco)"

Feeling a little like an idiot, James took out his phone and googled the name, which took about 20 seconds just to type out. He hit the "shopping" tab, but all that was sold were Tylenol tablets.

James had taken Tylenol before. It was nothing close to Norco. He sighed and laid back against his pillow on his bed. He reached up to touch the now-familiar scar on his right cheek. It was healing, but it was definitely still there and still noticeable.

This was his new normal. There wasn't much he could do but accept it. But… he couldn't. He couldn't accept that the one thing he had going for him, his looks, was now marred by a stupid scar. Now he looked like the villain from Lion King and everyone was giving him side stares and his friends were looking at him with their eyebrows furrowed with worry and-

James was jerked from his thoughts when his phone ring, blasting "The Tracks of My Tears". He picked it up and saw Logan's name across the screen. He sighed again, plopping his head back onto his pillow and hitting the green button.

"Hey Logan."

James heard some rustling sounds on the other end. "Hey, James. Carlos told me you slept over at his place."

James nodded, then said, "Yeah. We watched Finding Nemo. Twice."

Logan chuckled. "Well, you know Carlos loves that movie." He cleared his throat. "Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you something." His voice was serious, and James wondered if this would be like his encounter with Kendall on the car last week.

"How are you healing up? Your mom said you weren't even in that much pain last weekend." Logan added. James didn't know when he'd been able to speak with his mom when James himself had barely spoke 2 words to her this week, but he shrugged it off. Logan did a lot of weird adult things. Like talking to adults. If Logan were his mom's son, she wouldn't always be disappointed in him.

"It's going great. No, I didn't feel a lot of pain. The painkillers helped a bit." He said, downplaying how much the pills had helped him, including with things other than his injuries. "No need to worry."

Logan paused before speaking again. "Yeah, no, of… of course not. We just want you to know that… that if you ever want to talk about anything…" He trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished. James could almost see him sitting on his bed, rubbing the back of his neck the way he did when he was uncomfortable.

James furrowed his eyebrows together. "We?"

"Well, I-"

"Did Kendall ask you to check up on me?" James snapped. He was tired of his friends always thinking there was something wrong with him. He was stick of their tiptoeing around the bush or whatever the stupid saying was, waiting for him to explode or something. There was nothing wrong with him.

But then his stomach dropped. He'd stolen Carlos's pill yesterday.

But he was fine. Why wouldn't he be fine? He'd just been through an accident, of course he would need a little extra boost to get through the day. It was perfectly normal, and he wished his friends would just understand that-
"James, we just thought we'd ask and see if you needed anything." Logan said gently. "We're your friends, James."

James scoffed. "If you guys are my friends, you'd know that I'm fine." He emphasized again. "Tell Kendall to butt out of my business. My face is healing, my jaw is healing. Everything is getting better." He said, but in the depths of his mind even he knew it was a lie. His face was healing, but that seemed to be the only thing. He pushed that thought down just like he'd pushed every other unwelcome thought down. He had no idea where they were going.

Logan seemed to read his mind. "James, you know it's not just your face that needs to heal, right?" His voice was soft, cautious like someone trying not to anger a child. James clenched his fist; he hated that belittling voice Logan could have sometimes. He was just sooo smart and everyone was just totally beneath him and his wise knowledge.

"Yes, of course I do, Logan. I'm not stupid."

"I wasn't saying you were, James. If you can tell me right now, 100% honestly, that you're completely healed, that you're just as you were before… I'll believe you."

It was silent for a couple of seconds. James opened his mouth.

"Logan, stop worrying about me. And tell Kendall if he wants to talk to me, he can do it straight to my face." He ended the call, throwing his phone to the foot of his bed.