Chapter 10

James wanted nothing more than to take one of the pills he'd bought from JT before going back into school for hockey practice, but he didn't want his friends worrying about him again if he suddenly started to act different. He was tired of all their over-the-top concern. He stuffed the plastic bag into the bottom of his backpack, zipping it up securely.

He quickly got dressed, realizing he was the only person in the locker room and that everyone else was probably already in the rink, practicing. Maybe they were waiting for him, since it was his first day back.

But when he walked out, everyone was just warming up on the ice, the same as it had always been. There was no "welcome back" banner or a surprise party. James didn't know why he'd expected one. He ignored the sinking feeling in his heart and stepped out into the ice rink, breathing in the welcome cold air. The weather was getting chillier now outside, but there was just something about the cold air in the ice rink that made James feel right at home. He'd grown up with the ice rink, the cold air, the sound of skates and his teammates' hands clapping him on the shoulder.

"James!" Kendall called, skating over to him effortlessly. "Welcome back, man!" He greeted, grinning. His earlier encounter with the blonde seemed to be forgotten. Being on the rink calmed Kendall down, too.

James gave him a smile back. "Thanks. It's great to be back." He said, which was actually the truth. He was so used to trying to lie or skirt away from the complete truth with Kendall that it felt like a relief to finally say something that was 100% true. It was amazing to be back.

"We got a big game next Friday; you think you'll be ready for it?" Kendall asked. Logan and Carlos skated up to the two, both giving James a pat on the back.

James adjusted the helmet a little on his head. "I better be! I've missed playing so much, there's no way I'd sit this one out." James said. The four of them laughed and skated towards one of the goals to practice. Logan gave him a hesitant smile; he clearly hadn't forgotten about their phone conversation last weekend. Carlos's grin was wide and radiant like usual, and it hit James like a hockey puck that he'd taken advantage of his innocent friend.

As James's other teammates greeted him on the ice, he realized he really felt happy. Not just the fake "I'm putting on a smile" happy, but true joy. He loved being on the ice, with his best friends and teammates beside him.

He'd almost even forgot why he needed those pills in the first place. Hockey practice went amazing, and his exercises off the ice had really paid off. He was still just as agile and skilled as before, just a little rusty, but nothing a bit more practice couldn't fix. James missed the sweat that dripped down his face, the feeling that he'd had a great practice.

He packed up his stuff and started to leave the locker room. Kendall and Carlos were already outside, waiting for him. But Logan was still in the locker room, neatly packing his things away.

"Hey, Logan." James called out, using one hand to swipe the hair out of his red face. The boy looked up, his eyes meeting James's hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

James walked a couple of steps closer. "I'm, uh, sorry. For being kind of rude the other day. I just wasn't feeling too good. I didn't mean to." James hated apologizing, but he knew he had to do this. This was his friend, for heaven's sake. And at least he could apologize to Logan, which was something he couldn't do to Carlos after stealing something he didn't know about.

Logan gave him a crooked smile. "I know, James, don't worry about it. It's cool." He said, genuinely looking like he meant it. And James smiled, a small weight of many lifted off his shoulders.

The two left the locker room together, and outside, James wrapped his arm around Kendall and Carlos, a silent apology for them for isolating himself the previous weekend as they walked out together to Kendall's car. Everything was okay. Everything was good.

Until he got home. He got home, and the house was empty and void of light and people. His heart dropped. He wished more than anything he could be back on the ice, laughing and slamming pucks into the wall with his friends. He didn't want to be here in this empty, lonely place, with nothing but his empty, lonely heart to keep him company.

He dumped the contents of his backpack out onto his bed, and out with it came the plastic bag. James's heart jumped back up again; that plastic bag was like a lifeline, here to save him when he felt like he was drowning. It was there for him when nothing else felt like it was.

The pill looked similar to the Norco he'd taken before. JT told him this one was stronger, so James just downed one pill. JT was right, because the one pill had about the same effect as two of his old ones. He lay back on his bed, letting out a contented sigh. He understood why the 5 pills had been so expensive.

Hockey practice had been great, but this was better.

"Two more wins and we'll make it to regionals, guys! This is what we've been working for." James felt a smile on his face as Kendall stood in front of the whole team. His teammates whooped around him, high-fiving and fist-bumping. James met Logan's eyes and shared a grin with him.

Kendall swept his green eyes around the locker room, looking every single person in the locker room in the eyes. Sometimes James felt Kendall did a better job at being their coach than their actual coach. "I think we can do it. I'm really proud of you guys; this season has been our best yet!" People nodded in agreement. James smiled again, excited jitters fluttering around in his stomach. Imagine if they made it to state… that would be amazing.

Everyone dispersed after Kendall's speech, showering or just changing into normal clothes after another grueling practice. Kendall walked over to James and patted him on the shoulder. "Good job, man. It's like you're right back where you left off."

James grinned. "Thanks. It barely even feels like I've been out for a couple of weeks." He said, which was true. He was feeling great. His jaw and face didn't hurt anymore, and his metal braces had been out for about a week now.

Kendall nodded, giving him another pat. "Hey, it's Friday. You wanna come with us to get some burgers?" He asked, smiling nonchalantly.

James thought about it. Since his sleepover with Carlos, James hadn't really hung out with his friends in weeks outside of hockey practice and school. It would be nice to spend some time with them… and he'd been feeling better, so hopefully his friends saw he was doing better and wouldn't grill him as much.

And anyways, he had nothing to lie about, right? Everything was better.

He ignored the little voice in head that told him that everything was not better, that relying on pills for happiness and buying oxy from drug dealers did not mean everything was better.

"Sure, I'd like that." James responded. He saw Logan and Carlos watching from afar. Carlos bounded over, giving James a hug around his waist from behind.

"Yay! James said yes!" He squealed, earning some glances from some of their remaining teammates in the locker room. They were used to Carlos's… energy, but sometimes they couldn't help but glance over when he did or said something out of the ordinary.

James didn't miss the pointed look Kendall gave Carlos. He tried to push back the thought that they had planned this out already and was just waiting for him to say yes. He tried to push back the hurt that his friends thought he needed to be convinced and pushed into doing things. He admitted he had been acting… weird lately, but now he was good again and so hopefully this was the last of them making one of their famous plans without him.

James pushed Carlos off him. "Dude! What did I say about the hugs?" Carlos shrugged sheepishly but nonetheless backed off. Kendall and Logan laughed at their antics. The four grabbed their bags and walked to Kendall's car.

"Kendall, do you really think we can make it to state this season?" Carlos asked excitedly, turning to look at Kendall with hopeful, shining brown eyes. Kendall grinned and reached down to ruffle the boy's hair.

"I know we can, Carlitos. Our team is amazing, and you guys are amazing. We couldn't do it without any of you guys. Seriously." He said, clapping each of them on their shoulders.

"And we can't do it without you, Kendall!" Carlos said, jumping onto Kendall's back. Kendall stumbled forward in surprise, but then laughed and let Carlos ride on his back like a horse.

"Thanks, buddy. I know we got off to a rough start," he said, glancing at James. He gently pushed Carlos off his back. "But we're all here now, and we're ready to kick some butt."

Logan and James sounded their agreement. James felt like he was on the top of the world. This was their year. They could really win it all.

It was only until he got home that he realized he only had no more oxy pills left.

A/N- Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I'm trying to update more frequently, since I've been having a streak of motivation for this story.

- AS